


Aquamarine

by KyeTamm



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Also Steven's old, Alternate Universe - Bar/Pub, Alternate Universe - Human, F/F, Lapis being a major flirt, Peridot being a cheeky bastard
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-06
Updated: 2017-09-21
Packaged: 2018-07-21 23:08:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 23
Words: 158,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7408840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KyeTamm/pseuds/KyeTamm
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lapis Lazuli owns a popular, hip bar called the Aqua Glass. She's also an addict to noise, sex and a shitload of sarcasm. One day, a smoking hot, egocentric gamer called Peridot ends up sharing her sheets, only for her to find out the next day that she's her lovesick buddy's most recent ex.</p><p>Lapis has always had a knack for attracting trouble. But this time, she might've bitten off more than she can chew.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Hot, Young Bartender

**Author's Note:**

> I TOLD YOU I'D DO ANOTHER LAPIDOT STORY. 
> 
> A little side-note, characters here are very different from how I wrote them in LDYK. Their personalities may be incredibly switched-up. Enjoy nonetheless bye!

She traces a finger down Lapis's spine, causing her to jerk upwards in anticipation, sucking in a loud gasp before falling limply in her embrace. Her touch is like fire on her skin, creating a trial of heat and desire within her body—Lapis pitches forward and captures her in a kiss, pulling her tight against her body.

She's the first one to break away. “Needy,” She whispers, grinning.

Lapis is flushed and hot and hungry. “You're the one who got me out of my dress first.”

She laughs. It's such a melodious sound. Lapis doesn't think she'll ever hear another quite like it. “True.” She leans in and presses her lips against Lapis's jaw. “Guess I'll have to finish what I started.”

Lapis shuts her eyes, gasping. Her body burns with every touch, it electrifies with every kiss. She doesn't know how much more she can take of this. She wraps her fingers around her head, forcing their bodies together—no matter how close they are, she can't seem to get closer. She wants her. She wants her _so bad_.

“Lapis,”

Lapis moans in response.

“I'm leaving you.”

Her body jerks upwards, and suddenly she's sitting up on bed. Her gaze sweeps through her surroundings, taking in the darkness, taking in the thrown pillows, the unfamiliar beige blanket, the tall, dark ceiling above her. She sucks in a breath, hand fisted over the spot where her heart is rapping like a drum. Her naked body is damp with sweat despite the cool September breeze wafting in from the open window to her left, and she has to reach up to wipe a few drops away from her face. She clears her vision, rubbing her eyes harshly with two fingers, before turning her gaze on the naked body next to her.

She doesn't remember her name. Allie? Sasha? Courtney?

She sucks in a breath through her teeth and swings her legs over the side of the bed. This marks the fourth girl this week. That's a new record. Steven would be appalled, but that's just because his moral code literally _bonds_ him to his fiance Connie, but the rest would more or less approve. Especially Amethyst, who'd give her a giant whoop and a thumbs up. As much as she boasts about one-night-stands though, she's obviously committed to her girlfriend too. Her girlfriend.

Lapis stares heatedly at her feet. There's an angry ball of hatred within her, but she's trying her hardest to suppress it. She's _not_ gonna spiral back down into that horrible phase. She _won't_ lose it again.

She pushes herself off the bed and searches for her clothes as quietly as she possibly can. After succeeding, she sneaks through the fire-escape from the open window and lowers herself onto the ground, performing a fist pump in the air when she hits the bottom.

 _Note to self_ , She thinks. _Join a stealth club and own all their puny asses._

She jogs through the alleyway till she hits the curb. There, a black motorcycle sits dormant. It's the kind that all the cool kids use, the one that goes vroom vroom. She doesn't know it's name, but she can't care less about details like that. Her motto is 'so long as it works, it's hella good'. She swings a leg over the side and preps the engines, shaking herself awake before taking off into the night.

* * *

 

“Where were you last night?” Steven asks when he comes in.

Lapis's gaze instinctively shoot upwards, but the little bell on top of the door has been taken down. Too many people said it distracted them from their drinks. Because who keeps a door bell in a bar? Apparently, it reminds people of Christmas and kids and a good life, not a shoddy bar with alcohol and sex and noise. The three things Lapis loves the most.

“Um,” Lapis wipes a glass cup clean before taking another one from the shelf. “Here?”

Steven plops himself on one of the counter stools. “Not what I meant. Where were you _after_?” He makes a face. “I had to drive Amethyst home after she got smashed with shots. _Fortunately_ , she wasn't drunk enough to puke in my car, but if she was—”

“So you'd have rather she rode on my bike?”

“She wouldn't have _puked_ on your bike.”

“True,” Lapis chuckles, discontinuing her chore of cleaning cups to fully address Steven. “I was with another one.”

Steven furrows his brows. “Another what?”

Lapis waits a beat. “Steven, you're 25. You're old enough to know what the hell I'm taking about when I say _another_ _one_. What else would I be doing?!”

“A girl?!” Steven pulls away, gasping. “Lapis, that's a new record!”

The corner of Lapis's lips quirks upwards in a smirk. Her best friend still acts like he's 15 from time-to-time. Honestly, she sorta gets a kick out of it. Reminds her of times when all was not responsibility and bills and being the 'bigger man'. “Let's just hope she doesn't come find me like the one yesterday did. Jasper had to chase that one away but she wasn't happy having to act like the bad guy. I doubt she'd do it again.”

“With her muscles, she could chase away a raging bull.” Steven muses.

“Yeah, but she's a huge softie. She can't do shit without feeling guilty about it.”

“Reminds me of someone.” Steven says.

Lapis looks up at him and laughs. “Are you talking about me? Because I doubt that's true.”

“That was true _once_.” Steven points a finger at her chest. “You just haven't found the right girl yet.”

“Right, right,” Lapis waves a hand dismissively in the air. “The right girl. Been waiting a while, Steven, I don't think she's coming.”

“You're just too busy living in the past.”

Lapis scoffs. “Excuse me?”

Steven raises a suggestive eyebrow, but she already knows where he's going with this.

“No, no, no, you don't get to lecture _me_ about living in the past.” She turns her back on him, leaning against the counter with her arms crossed. “Shit's been hard enough as it is with the rent being raised and cups being smashed. I had to replace ten cups last week. _Ten._ I'm not a fucking millionaire, I can't just go out and buy ten cups! I need pay day!”

Steven sighs, leaning on his elbow. “You're avoiding the subject.”

“Yeah, well, beats crying about it.”

“When're you gonna talk to us about her?”

Lapis flinches. “Never,” She murmurs. “There's nothing to talk about. We dated, she left me, broke my heart, and I never recovered since! It'd be a short discussion, methinks.”

“You're just bitter.” Steven says. “You're gonna turn into one of those bitter old women who own cats and cry into big ice cream tubs.”

Lapis flashes him a grin. “At least I like ice cream. Not sure about the cats though. Maybe pet fish. You don't have to walk them or take care of them as much.”

“Lapis—”

“I'd really _hate_ to interrupt our great conversation, but the bar's opening in like five minutes. Could you at least set the tables?”

Steven sighs deeply, picking himself up and dusting himself off. He's a big man, with big curly hair tied back on his head. His stubble is getting a little too wild too, Lapis isn't sure Connie is into that action. “One day,” He says, narrowing his eyes. “We're gonna have that conversation.”

“Yes, but that day is not today!” Lapis flings her hands at the tables. “Unto work, my deputee!”

Steven rolls his eyes, but he gets to work almost immediately, because he actually _likes_ helping out. Imagine that. He owns a share of the bar's profit, but Lapis gets the majority of the funds, and she's incredibly thankful that he's even here in the first place, because he's literally helping her out of the good will of his heart. He already has a full-time job as a firefighter, but on his off-days like these ones, he helps Lapis. His chores normally consist of lifting chairs and setting tables, despite Lapis's clear ability to do most of it herself. Besides being a bartender, she's also a frequent runner and swimmer. So she is, much to her many lovers' pleasure, very toned.

She leans against the counter as the first of her customers walk through the front door. The Aqua Glass doesn't usually get really busy until the late nights, because that's when her friends bring their rowdy friends, who bring more of their loud, obnoxious friends who make a ruckus that attract people outside. She's thankful, for the most part. She loves the noise. Anything to drown out the silence.

To drown out literally everything else.

About an hour later, Steven joins her behind the counter.

“I gotta bounce soon. Connie and I are having dinner at this fancy restaurant down the street. I think she wants me home early for that.”

Lapis smirks. “You think?” She wipes her hands across her apron. “Well, that's fine. Send her my regards?”

Steven makes a face. “You come over like everyday. I think she's had enough of your regards.”

Lapis rolls her eyes. “Just do it anyway. She loves me.”

Steven chuckles and pats her lightly on the back. “Take care of yourself, okay, Lapis?”

“You know I always do.”

He leaves with a final smile and disappears behind the bell-less door as another wave of customers come in. It's gonna get dark soon. About half an hour till 7. She flips the switch that makes all the lights in the bar go dim and colorful. She's always had a thing for bright lights and hazy nights. It's one the reasons she had her bar designed this way. The red cushions, grey backdrop, dark atmosphere, and then there's the rainbow disco ball, the multi-colored beams, the neon streamers along the walls—combined together, it makes for a rather pleasing sight.

When it hits 11, her regulars soon come pouring in, taking their usual seats at the bar or in front of the darts and arcade machines. Her closest companions, the ones who come here the most, the ones who were friends with her before she even started Aqua Glass, take their seats on the counter stools just as she finishes preparing a tray of shots. She places it in front of them and beams.

“Bombs away!”

Amethyst and Jasper don't think twice before assaulting the drinks, but Ruby, who is a well-known and certified _kill_ -joy, makes a face. “Hard pass.”

Lapis grins at her. “You just love killing the mood, don't you?” She nudges her in the arm. “Don't you people love getting wasted? Why you gotta be unorthodox?”

“Us people?” Ruby narrows her eyes.

Sapphire, Ruby's wife, stifles a laugh with the back of her hand. “Did you—Did you just make a racist joke?”

“Whaaaat?” Lapis laughs. “No way. I meant _boxers_ , Saph. Boxers love getting wasted. Just look at Jasper!”

“Ruby's just bummed cause she lost a match today.” Jasper murmurs with a lazy grin, shoving her square-haired companion harshly on the shoulder.

Ruby heaves out a sigh. “The girl I was fighting was a major cheater. Did you see the way she looked at me before the match? It was like—like she wanted to rip my guts out. She got a cheap shot in and knocked me out. What a bummer.”

“Aw, don't be a sore loser, Rubes.”

The dark-skinned girl goes red in the face. “Am _not_ being a sore loser! _She_ was the one who cheated! _It was her_!”

“Ruby,” Sapphire places a warm hand atop her arm, running her thumb gently along her skin. “Calm down.”

And, much to everybody's relief, Ruby does. Sapphire is the only one who could ever defuse her atomic wife. Sometimes she wouldn't be here, and Jasper or Amethyst would say something stupid and provoke Ruby, and she'd go berserk and scare away all of Lapis's customers. The last time that happened, Lapis lost it at a chance with this really hot brunette girl who was new to town. She blamed Ruby ever since, so now whenever the group would come, they'd bring Sapphire.

Y'know. _Just in case._

“We're gonna go shoot some darts.” Sapphire says.

Lapis flicks her gaze up to the three dart boxes at the other end of the room. Two are occupied, while the other is just waiting to be used. “Sure thing. And Ruby? Don't destroy the box this time. I paid for the last one because I'm your _friend_ but if it happens again—”

“I hear ya'.” Ruby nods apologetically before hopping off her seat to join her wife.

Jasper snickers. “Her temper's worse than mine is.”

“Yeah, that's cause you're actually _rational_ , Jasper.” Lapis says with a grin. “Plus, you're both brains and brawn. _Kind_ of the whole package. I mean, you can get a little cocky sometimes but—”

“It's part of the deal, baby!”

“Exactly.” Her gaze accidentally flickers to Amethyst, and, against her better judgment, she leans in and asks, “So, how're things, Amethyst?” She doesn't think the purple-haired Latina will actually catch on, considering her nature.

Amethyst looks at her for a moment, downing a shot before slamming it atop the counter. “I fucking _hate_ my job.”

“Amen to that.” Jasper murmurs, raising a glass.

Lapis shoots her a look. “What're you talking about? You're a professional boxer. You _love_ punching people.”

“You forget I work part-time at a grocery store. It ain't the greatest carrying boxes from a bus to some storage unit all day.”

Amethyst sticks her tongue out. “At least your boss isn't out to get you. I fall asleep on the job _once_ and suddenly he's all up in my case! What a dick.”

“Cervantes, I doubt it was the first time you fell asleep on the job.” Jasper says amusedly.

Amethyst pauses, pursing her lips, before sighing. “Okay, so it was a _few_ times.”

“Uh huh.”

“Hey, I'm a natural snoozer! It ain't my fault. It's a talent, really.”

“You look about ready to hit the hay right now. New girlfriend keeping you up, Ame?”

“Haha—Wouldn't you like to know, you Russian asshole?”

“That's cruel, Cervantes.”

“Shut it, Soko—Whatever. I don't even remember your last name anymore.” Amethyst finishes this off with a shot.

Jasper stares at her for a moment, twirling the drink in her hand, before downing it. “It's Sokolov.”

“Yup,” Amethyst shakes her head. “I will never remember that.”

Lapis has her back turned against them, and while she's managed to occupy herself by cleaning a few—already-clean—glass cups, nothing can distract her from the swirling feeling in the pit of her gut. She swallows it down, placing the cup gently on the rack before turning around. Jasper sits in front of her, staring up into her light blue eyes with a look of detached interest, before she breaks into a grin.

“How was your time with that brunette last night?”

Lapis looks at the now-empty seat beside Jasper, realizing Amethyst is no longer present.

“She went to take a piss,” Jasper says, as if she read her mind. “Now spill.”

“Ha,” Lapis leans against the counter. “It was _fine_ , if you must know. Nothin' special.”

“Lapis Lazuli, the lady-snatcher.” Jasper laughs. “How the fuck do you convince them to constantly go home with you? I can barely land one a week.”

Lapis raises a finger. “First of all, I go to _their_ homes, just so they don't end up _staying_ in mine for a week surprising me every time I come home dressed in only their underwear and a greasy frying pan.” Jasper's just about to burst out laughing when Lapis raises another finger. “ _Secondly_ , unlike _you_ , I take my time and use my words, instead of flaunting my body around and thrusting drinks at their faces.”

“ _Hey, hey_ ,” Jasper raises her hands in defense. “I'm just getting back in the game. Cut me some slack here.”

“You've been single for as long as I have.”

“ _Not_ true. You've had five months to breathe, I barely had three!”

“ _Still_. It's time to get back in the game, Sokolov.” She leans in and taps her playfully on the head. “Лучшая защита – нападение.”

Jasper makes a face. “You know my Russian sucks, Lapis. It's why I left Russia? Unlike you, I'm not fluent.”

“Yeah, but it's a common idiom,” Lapis shrugs, pulling away. “Look, the phrase basically means... The best kind of defense is offense. You wanna get over this girl? The ex that broke your heart?” Lapis grins. “You do it by banging every able girl you see. Attack em' like there's no tomorrow.”

Jasper raises a dubious eyebrow. “I think you've got your morals mixed up.”

Lapis frowns. “Yeah, Steven thinks so too.”

“Look, Lapis. I can't just—” Jasper sighs heavily, running her long fingers through her thick mess of blonde hair. “I _can't_ get over this one. She's—She's all I think about. Day and night, 24/7. She's stuck in my head, and I can't get her out, no matter what I do. I'm trying. I'm trying so hard. But it isn't working. I'm so—” Jasper grits her teeth. “I'm so into this girl, Lap. It's fucking nuts. I knew her for like, what, two months? And I'm just—I don't know what to do!”

“Woah, okay, calm down, buddy,” She taps her friend lightly on the shoulder. “That's—That's a tough one. I didn't know she meant that much to you, Jasper.”

“She _does_.” Jasper sighs. “I want her back. I'd do anything to get her back.”

Anything, huh? Lapis almost wants to sympathize. She almost wants to say the same thing. Except she doesn't. Because her situation differs. Unlike Jasper's ex, Lapis's ex was—She was—

Lapis looks down at her hand and squeezes it tightly into a ball. “I think you've got enough to drink tonight, buddy.” She forces a smile. “Too many shots make you depressing as hell.”

“Not true.” Jasper grumbles, but she's already looking a little too teary-eyed for Lapis's liking.

“Okay, time to go home now. You need me to drive you back or somethin'? You don't look fit to get on that motorcycle of yours—”

Jasper sighs. “It's cool, Lap. I'll just bump Amethyst for a ride. She's been in the bathroom too long anyways. My guess is she's puking her guts out.”

Lapis goes pale. “Already?! It's not even midnight yet!”

Jasper snickers. “She downed the whole tray though. I had like two cups.”

Lapis looks down at the empty tray in front of her. The cups are all empty. “Okay, yeah.” She mumbles, looking back up. “I think you should ask Ruby and Sapphire for a ride. You guys can leave your bikes and cars here and pick em' up tomorrow. I'll lock the alleyway up before I leave.”

“Yeah?” Jasper grins and leans in, kissing Lapis lightly on the cheek. “Thanks a lot, Lazuli. You're the best!”

Lapis knows Jasper's drunk. She also knows that she has no intention of ever getting together with her soft-hearted, muscly companion. Primarily because it'd bring about too many complications, but also because Lapis doubts she'll ever love anyone beyond _her_ ever again. She ruffles Jasper's fluffy hair. “Drink some water before you pass out. I don't wanna get a call tomorrow saying you can't wake up or something.”

Jasper nods her head all military-like. “Aye, aye, captain.”

“Dipshit.” Lapis muses. “Get out of here.”

Jasper salutes her, which makes Lapis snort and flip her off, before she fades off into the crowd in search of Amethyst. A few minutes later, Lapis catches sight of the two of them—plus Ruby and Sapphire—making their way out. She waves at them as they leave.

Alright. Time to hold on for another three hours. The Aqua Glass closes at 3, and usually, she'd have Steven to hold down the fort if she decides to leave early with a random girl, but tonight, since it's just her, she decides to kick back and enjoy the scene. People come and go, ordering drinks, hitting her up, asking her questions, but most times, she waves them off with a cheeky smile and her classic excuse. _Sorry, can't tonight. Gotta work._ Only a few pry on after that. Even fewer continue after Lapis accuses them of sexual harassment. Her bouncers—these two college students, Lars and Buck—have to physically throw them out after their third attempt at grabbing her forcefully. She can take care of herself, but she has too much to worry about tonight, especially since the bar's in full-swing and she's the only one working besides her bodyguards and two fledgling waitresses.

Lapis glances up at the clock just as it hits 2. Okay, another hour. That shouldn't be too bad. She can already feel the energy draining out of her. Usually, that wouldn't be the case. Usually, she'd be full of energy. Usually, she'd be in love with the lights and the sweat and the dancing and the noise. But that dream last night left her feeling like death. She couldn't even go back to sleep when she got home afterwards. She just... lied there, staring up at the ceiling with bloodshot eyes, wondering what the hell she ever did to deserve the torment she's going through right now.

Lapis wants to roll her eyes.

_It's just one girl, man. It isn't that big a deal._

But it is. It's such a big deal. Lapis wants to crawl into a hole and die. The triviality of the whole situation doesn't escape her, she hates how sensitive she is!

She's just about to wring her own head in sorrow and cry into some random guy's shoulder, when she hears the front door open and shut close. She picks her gaze up. Customers don't usually come this late into the night. They'd be leaving by this time. But it looks like somebody's just arrived.

She sighs, preparing herself for another round of shots and maybe even a couple of dirty grabs from this late stranger. Turning around, she starts to fix up the glasses.

“What can I get ya'?” She asks, fighting the physical urge to drop to her knees and sleep. Man, she's exhausted.

The voice on the other end is inaudible at first through the loud thumping of the music, but when Lapis twists her head just slightly, she hears her.

She _hears_ her.

“What do you suggest? I need something to help me sleep tonight. Rough day, you know?”

Huh. She sounds relatively normal. Not drunk, not desperate, not depressed, not horny—In fact, she sounds almost...

_Nice._

Lapis can't hide her smile. She wonders what she looks like. “Anything on the top shelf can knock an elephant out, but they work just as good as ten shots to the tummy. They're a lot more expensive too. Take your pick, stranger.”

The girl laughs. Lapis furrows her brows. Who is this girl? “With my job, I'd be lucky to pay for those ten shots. How about a beer? Cheapest one you got.”

Lapis stops fixing the glasses. She stares down at her hands in contemplation. It's probably already 2:30 right now. Which means she has another half an hour before she closes shop. That's not long at all. In fact, if she's lucky, the place'll clear itself out in less than 20 minutes. Lapis bites her lip. Five girls in one week is crazy, even for her.

But she needs to get her mind off that dream. Plus, this girl doesn't sound crazy enough to hunt her down and skin her alive afterwards. That's a bonus in her books.

She drops the glasses and reaches down to grab a beer from her cooler box, before whirling around and placing it atop the counter. “Here, try this. On the house.” Then she looks up at the stranger for the first time since she arrived, and her vision, just for a moment, readjusts itself—

—Until all she can see is bright green eyes, fluffy blonde hair, and an oversized green hoodie over a small, curvy body.

The stranger blinks rapidly. “W-What?” She splutters, shaking her head. “No, no, I can't possibly—That's not necessary.”

“I know,” Lapis says, smiling. “But I want to.”

The stranger chuckles lightly, reaching out to wrap her slim fingers around the bottle's neck. “Okay,” She murmurs, never once taking her eyes off Lapis's. “Thanks, edgy bartender.”

Lapis giggles. “It's Lapis. Lapis Lazuli.”

“Peridot Guntherson.” The stranger says, extending a hand.

They shake once, but neither of them let go immediately. Lapis instantly decides that she likes the feel of this girl's soft, warm hand.

“So, _Peridot_ ,” Lapis says suggestively, watching the blonde shortie as she takes a swig of the beer. “What brings you to the Aqua Glass? I don't think I've ever seen you around here before. And I see everyone who comes by my bar.”

Peridot grins, leaning against the counter. She didn't take a seat, which emphasizes her short height even further. But Lapis doesn't mind. It's kind of really cute. “A friend suggested it a few months ago. I never had the time—or reason—to visit though... Until now.”

“Until now?” Lapis waggles her eyebrows, laughing. “What's the reason? Do I even want to know?”

Peridot shrugs. “Probably not. But I'll say it anyway. I was on the way home when I heard a few people talking about a _hot,_ young bartender with badass earrings and a killer undercut.”

Lapis's grin only widens. “Well,” She murmurs, reaching up to toy with her black upper lobe stud. “You're not so bad yourself, stranger.”

Peridot stares at her for a moment, taking another swig of her beer, before smiling. “The hair was a dare, to be honest. Freaked me out when I woke up the next morning with my hair chopped to pieces but that's what a night of heavy drinking with old college friends does to you.”

Lapis laughs and says, “I know what that feels like.” She gestures to the undercut. “Two months ago. My friends thought it'd be a cool change.”

“They weren't wrong.” Peridot murmurs slyly. “You're pulling it off _pretty_ well.”

Lapis smirks. “So are you with that hair. It makes you look really—” She pauses, biting her lip. “—alluring.”

Peridot blushes, though a smile still paints her face. “Well, that's a first. Most, um, just laugh and call me a dork.”

“Oh, you are a dork.” Lapis says. “But a really cute one.”

Peridot chuckles, following her eyes. “You always offer free drinks and compliments to your customers like this? That's not a very sound business practice.”

“Nah,” Lapis pulls away and grabs a dirty glass from the sink, before rinsing it off and cleaning it. “Only the really cute ones.” Peridot colors through the lights in the bar, and despite it all, Lapis decides she likes the sight. She leans against the counter and stares at the bright beams dancing over her face. “So, Peridot,” She grins. “How good are you at drinking?”

Peridot raises an eyebrow. “I'm here, aren't I? Sad to say, this beer won't exactly get me hammered tonight.”

“Good.” Lapis reaches out to rip the glass from Peridot's hands, before taking a swig of her own and throwing the glass into the trash bin. “Cause you're gonna taste Aqua Glass's special drink, the Water Bitch.”

Peridot laughs out loud. “You called your special drink the Water Bitch?”

“It's an inside joke.” Lapis winks. “Plus, once it's down your throat, you'll get why the second word is necessary.”

Peridot colors, raising her hands. “I don't think I should. I mean, I can't afford it, and I only came in to check out that hot, young bartender anyways.”

Lapis pouts, placing two cups on the counter, followed by a larger, sturdier glass holding some weird blue liquid. “Well, that hot, young bartender will be very upset if you refuse to try her special drink! Hasn't anyone ever told you to not look a gift horse in the mouth?”

“I have honestly _never_ heard of that expression before.” She tugs self-consciously on her hoodie before clearing her throat, “Look, I'm not gonna lie. You're really hot, and I'm really flattered you're even giving me the time of the day,” Lapis almost blushes at the compliment, even though she has no reason to. A ton of girls have called her hot before. “But it's just—I don't wanna take advantage of—of _this_. I'm not here to freeload off you. I just want you to know that.”

Lapis pauses mid-way into pouring the drink. She places the bottle back down and looks up into Peridot's round green eyes. How strange. Nobody's ever said that before. They accepted everything Lapis gave them, with eventually coaxing. And they'd repay her with a night of meaningless sex.

This—This is different.

Lapis isn't sure how to feel about... _different._

She chews on her lip, thinking. But that's when Peridot's gaze flickers down to follow her teeth, her eyes going wide with interest and her cheeks flushing red with desire. And it's in this moment that Lapis decides her course of action.

She will sleep with this girl.

She will fucking sleep with this girl so hard.

“Don't worry, Peridot.” Lapis finishes off the two drinks, before shoving one in front of Peridot's hand. “Trust me, you're doing me a favor just as much as me.” She raises her glass and winks. “Cheers.”

The corner of Peridot's lips quicks upwards in a smile, and she raises her glass in unison, clinking the edge with Lapis's, before downing the drink.

Lapis remembers downing two more. She remembers Peridot laughing, and the bar clearing, and her waitresses and bouncers telling her that they're heading off. The next thing she knows, she's driving down the street in her motorcycle, two shorts arms wrapped tightly around her waist. She remembers heat. She remembers kissing. She remembers her body burning with electricity.

She remembers going to bed. But everything else is a blur.

The last thing she remembers before falling asleep, is bright green eyes, staring back at her from across the bed.

And a naked body intertwined with hers.

 


	2. The Unfortunate Truth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HOLY SHIT, THE AMOUNT OF FEEDBACK I GOT FOR THIS STORY IS AMAZEBALLS.
> 
> THANKS Y'ALLS.

Lapis wakes up with a jolt. She pushes herself up on her elbows, eyes squinted against the light streaming in from the windows. The first thing she realizes, is that she's in her own room. Her comfortable little queen's bed is rumpled and soft beneath her, pulling her in deeper into its embrace. She snuggles up closer to the warmth beside her, shutting her eyes again, inhaling, feeling—

Wait, is that a boob?

And is that—Oh my god. There is somebody in bed with her.

She pulls away, appalled, when her gaze lands on the unconscious blonde shortie from the night before. Lapis blinks. Then blinks again.

She doesn't remember much.

She remembers... her. She remembers her laugh. Her smile. Her words. Her touch. Her kiss.

Lapis melts into it all, as if it's happening all over again, and despite the fact that she was stupid enough to bring this chick into her own bedroom... For once in her life, she doesn't care. She drops back down and stares at her sleeping form in awe, tracing a finger from her majestic jaw, down her slender neck, to her collarbone. She smiles to herself, tracing the outline of her body.

Peridot. That's her name. Lapis _remembers_ her name.

Peridot stirs underneath her touch, and though Lapis recoils at the movement, frightened that she might have waken her, the sight of her green eyes fluttering open in the dense sunlight brings her some strange form of joy. Wow, she is—she is stunning. And not just an ordinary stunning. Peridot's hot, in a completely different sense. She's hot and sexy and cute all rolled into one. How is that even fucking possible?

“Good morning,” Lapis whispers softly, her fingers still tracing her body.

Peridot looks up at her, and she breaks into a smile. “Stars,” She murmurs, burying her head into the crook of Lapis's neck. “You're still here.”

Lapis hesitates, her fingers pausing in mid-air. “What do you mean?”

Peridot shrugs beneath her. “Usually... After a night like the one we just had... I would wake up alone the next morning.” She sighs, inhaling Lapis's scent. “This time, I really hoped I wouldn't. I _really_ hoped you'd stay.”

Lapis purses her lips, playing with Peridot's choppy hair. Her bedhead is horrible, but Peridot still looks adorable in it. “Me too.” She says. “Last night was, um—” Lapis chuckles. “To be completely honest, I don't even have words to describe what it was. It was... mind-blowing.”

Peridot raises her head and grins. “Stop bullshitting, Lazuli. I very much doubt I was _that_ good.”

Lapis smirks. “And how would you know? Unless...” She looks down at her body suggestively. “You like playing with yourself, stranger?”

Peridot scoffs, pulling away just slightly in feign offense. “You talk to your mother with that mouth?”

“Sometimes,” Lapis's eyes twinkle with excitement. “Most times, I just use it for this.” She leans in and kisses her.

Peridot kisses back, of course, but she giggles mid-way, causing Lapis to pull away in mix shock and adoration. God, can she be any cuter?

“Flirt.” Peridot murmurs, blushing. She waits a beat, before saying, “I'm just gonna come right out and say what I'm thinking here. I'm assuming, since you haven't left or told me off yet... that this isn't just some random one-night-stand?”

Lapis's eyebrows rise to her hairline.

“U-Unless I'm wrong, then—” Peridot hesitates. “—feel free to correct me. I, uh, I just wanna make my intentions clear here.” She clears her throat and says, “I like you. Like, I really, really like you. And it's obvious from last night that you like me too. The thing is, my hot, young bartender, I kind of like you in a I-wanna-keep-you-and-call-you-my-lover way. Y'know, the classic, lame way.” Peridot chuckles nervously. “The way where you don't, y'know, sleep with anyone else. But if you don't want that, then that's cool. Just say the word. We can call it quits and go our separate ways.”

Lapis blinks. Her emotions are still brewing from being called Peridot's _hot, young bartender._ Peridot's. Peridot wants her to be Peridot's. Lapis has never wanted to be anyone else's in a long time. For once though, after just one simple night... Lapis realizes that maybe that wouldn't be such a bad thing.

_You just haven't found the right girl yet_ . Steven said. 

Maybe he's right. 

Maybe the right girl is lying right in front of her. 

Lapis licks her lips and leans in. She lingers a few inches from Peridot's face, staring down at her mouth in thought. 

This is the perfect chance to get over  _her_ . 

Lapis kisses Peridot again. She kisses her so passionately that she ends up straddling her by the waist, forcing her down with her arms pinned above her head. She traces kisses down her neck, nibbles her collarbone,  _marks_ her, before going back up to her lips and kissing the life out of them. “Peridot Guntherson,” She murmurs, still kissing her, still straddling her. “Don't you dare walk out that door.” 

Peridot blushes and smiles, kissing her with just as much fervor before pulling away. “I'm all yours, my hot, young bartender.”

* * *

 

Lapis licks her lips for the thirtieth time that day. She can still feel Peridot's mouth on hers, sucking the crap out of her skin like it's a desert she'd gladly consume. She shuts her eyes and sighs. What she would do to take the day off and spend it lying in her arms— _But_ unfortunately, Steven has a full-day with the firefighters so she's stuck with the bar again. Besides, Lapis wants some time off to think too. After everything that's happened... Maybe becoming obsessed with this new stranger isn't the greatest of ways to start off a new relationship. 

Relationship. 

How weird. 

Lapis is in a  _relationship_ again. 

She laughs to herself, just as the door opens. Her gaze flickers up to meet Jasper's, and in an instant, she breaks into a face-splitting grin. “Look who it is! The depressing drunk herself!” 

Jasper does a mock-bow before dumping herself on a counter stool. “I have a massive hangover. Remind me never to drink shots with Amethyst ever again.” 

Lapis raises an eyebrow. “What're you talking about? You had like two shots.” 

“Nuh-uh,” Jasper shakes her head. “I decided to crash at Amethyst's to save the Davis' some time. After they dropped us home, Amethyst popped open a bottle of whiskey and had us playing a game of Never Have I Ever. Fuck, that girl can _drink_. I was out cold by the time she got drunk enough to puke again.” She groans, massaging her temples with her thumb and forefinger. “Remind me never to go to her place ever again.” 

“I would,” Lapis murmurs, rubbing her back sympathetically. “But you wouldn't listen anyways.” 

Jasper sighs. “The unfortunate truth.”

“You want some water, buddy?” 

“Please and thank you!” 

Lapis turns around to grab a glass from the rack. “How'd Amethyst make it out of that mess?” 

“You kiddin'?” Jasper scoffs. “That fucking prick couldn't even get up this morning. She was so sick, her mom had to barge in and drag her ass to the shower.” 

“Her _mom_?” Lapis laughs humorlessly, then immediately flinches at the very spite in her voice. “I mean—She's still living with her mom?”

“No, but she's visiting.” 

“Oh.” Lapis places the cup of water on the counter and watches as Jasper downs it all in one gulp. 

She slams the little cup on the counter and groans. “That hits the spot.” 

“Don't have an orgasm on my counter, Jasper. That mess takes a shitload of soap to clean.” 

Jasper grins. “Had experience?” 

“I've had my fair share of gross assholes who like to grind over a bar, yeah,” Lapis takes the cup and refills it. Jasper repeats the process, except she groans louder this time. Lapis makes a face. “Now you're just being a douchebag.” 

“Suits the gig, baby!” Jasper winks at her, but Lapis only rolls her eyes. 

“See? This is why no one wants to sleep with you.” 

“ _No_ ,” Jasper shakes her head. “ _This_ is why no one wants to sleep with me!” She points to her boobs. 

Lapis squints. “I'm sorry,” She murmurs. “But do you have a third nipple or something? I'm failing to see how your boobs deter your chances of getting laid.” 

“I'm pointing to my heart, dumbass.” 

Lapis shakes her head. “No, see, your heart is  _here_ ,” She takes Jasper's hand and directs it a little to the left. “Dumbass.” 

Jasper stares at her, eyes narrowed, before sighing. “I can never win with you.” 

Lapis smirks. “What does your heart have to do with getting laid anyways?” 

“Look, the second some girl tries to come on to me, I get all flustered and guilty, and this image of my ex's face just pops in my head and—and I _lose_ it!” Jasper flushes. “I'm totally head over heels for this girl and I don't know what to do about it!” 

Lapis leans against the counter, sighing. “Head over heels, huh?” She just barely smiles, but unfortunately for her, Jasper catches it. 

“Woah,” She murmurs, staring. “What was that?” 

Lapis raises a skeptical eyebrow. “What was what?” 

“Don't play dumb with me.” 

“I'm not _playing_ anything. Except maybe myself. But that's okay, she's worth the pain.” 

“Wait, _what_?!” Jasper splutters, standing up. The stool stumbles backwards, creating a screeching sound against the metal floor. 

Lapis flinches. “Jasper, I told you to quit doing that!” 

“Is Lapis Lazuli interested in a girl?!” Jasper practically screams. “As in, _one_ girl?!”

Lapis frowns. “You're lucky my store's closed right now or I'll have your ass kicked out.” 

“Seriously?” Jasper chuckles. “Lars is terrified of me and Buck can't do heavy-lifting for shit.”

That's true. Why are they Lapis's bodyguards again? She crosses her arms and leans against the sink. “I wasn't talking about  _them_ .” 

Jasper raises an eyebrow. “Ohoho, is Lapis Lazuli challenging  _me_ ?” 

Lapis smirks, just slightly. “Back off, Sokolov.”

“Not until you tell me who she is.” 

Lapis shrugs. “Just some girl who stumbled into my bar last night. It's not a special story.” 

Jasper leans in. “It  _is_ if Lapis Lazuli is interested in her. If you can remember her name, that's already a major thing. Plus, you had that love-drunk look in your eyes.  _I_ should know. I've had it for months now!” 

Lapis laughs. “Please don't tell me I looked  _that_ pathetic.” 

Jasper gasps. “Hey!” 

“It's just some girl, okay? I'm not—I'm not even sure if it's a thing yet. I mean, I am,” Lapis blushes faintly. “Sorta, but I wanna be sure, y'know? Give it a few days. I'll tell you guys when I'm ready.” 

Jasper rolls her eyes before dragging the stool back. She takes a seat and sighs. “What I would give to be in your position.” 

“Hey,” Lapis pats her head gently. “Lighten up. You never know. Maybe your ex'll come running back. Maybe she'll realize her mistake and fall back into your arms.” 

“Yeah?” Jasper looks up at her sadly. “I really hope so. But Peridot's never been the kind to make _mistakes_. She sticks with her decisions till the end.” Jasper laughs. “That's why I love her.” 

Lapis blinks. She stares hard as Jasper's expression morphs from intense sadness to hopeful determination. She tilts her head just slightly to the right. “Did you just say Peridot?”

Jasper looks up at her, eyebrows furrowed. “Yeah.” 

Lapis waits a beat, before asking, “That's your ex?” 

“Yes?” Jasper looks confused.

“What's her last name?” 

Jasper scratches the back of her neck awkwardly. “Aha, how many Peridot's would there be?” 

_A whole fucking lot. Please let there be a whole fucking lot._

“Guntherson. Peridot Guntherson. She's 26. Short. Wild, blonde hair. Bright, green eyes?”

Lapis blinks. “Oh.” She swallows. “Sorry, thought you were talking about a different person.”

_Oh my fucking God. Oh my fucking God. Oh my_ fucking _fuck fuck fuck!!!_

“Oh. Huh, well go figure.” Jasper shrugs. “Anyways, yup. That's my dilemma. I'm sobered up though so I won't go all depressed on your ass again.” She checks the time on her watch. “I don't think I'll be coming over tonight. I still have to recover from my hangover.” She groans loudly, and Lapis has to force a shaky laugh in response.

_Fuck, fuck, fuckity fuck_ fuck!!!

“Hey, you okay, Lap?” Jasper frowns, reaching out to touch her forehead. “Man, you're burning up! You should take a seat or something!” 

“N-No,” Lapis pulls away, rubbing her arm. “I'm fine. Just—I don't know. Tired. Last night was, um, crazy, you know?”

Jasper raises a suggestive eyebrow. “I bet.” 

_Fuck you, Jasper! Don't look at me like that! I slept with your fucking ex!_

_Oh my God._

_I_ slept _with Jasper's fucking ex._

Lapis grits her teeth together to keep from puking. Suddenly, last night's drinks come swirling up in her gut, making her nauseous and unsettled.

Jasper notices the color draining from her face. “Hey, just get some rest, okay? Don't burn yourself out like Sapphire does at work. Ruby still keeps tabs on her every hour because of what happened _last_ time.”

Lapis forces a stiff nod. “I won't forget. Besides, Sapphire's way more overworked than I am. She's a lawyer for Christ's sake, I'm—I'm just some bartender.”

“ _Not_ just some bartender.” Jasper grasps her on her shoulder and squeezes. “The best bartender I know. Best _friend_ I know.”

Lapis flushes. “Thanks, Jasper.” _No, not thanks, Jasper._ Fuck _you, Jasper!_

“I'll see you later, yeah?”

Lapis nods and squeaks, “Bye!”

When the door slams behind her, it takes everything in Lapis not to drop to the ground and cry. She buries her head in her hands and screams. Literally  _scream,_ but her hands muffle the sound. When she pulls away, her face is red and her hands are damp with saliva. She washes herself off, wiping her face with a clean rag before smoothening out her hair. Who says you can't look good while facing a friendship-breaking situation, right?

_Fuck_ , who is she kidding?! She's fucking dying inside!

Lapis races out the door, locks the bar, and speed-walks to the alleyway beside it. She takes her phone out from her pocket and dials the newest contact she's added in this morning. 

Peridot picks up on the second ring. 

“Couldn't get enough of me?” 

Lapis stutters, “W-Well, you see, I, um, there's—there's something I need to talk to you about and, um—”

“Woah, Lapis, slow down. You sound like you just got out of a fight or something. Are you okay?” 

Alright, that concern is  _not_ cool. That concern is making this extremely difficult! 

“Just—Where are you?” 

“At my job.” 

“Where is your job?” 

“Um... Down the street, I guess. It's about two blocks away, around a bend to the right and across that big Apple store on Broadway?” 

Lapis knows where that is. “Got it. Mind if I pop a visit?” 

“I don't think it'd matter either way, you sound like you're ready to go—”

“Great! I'll see you in a bit.” Lapis hangs up and stuffs the phone back into her pocket. With a breath, she revs the engine on her bike and takes off.

* * *

 

Lapis parks by the curb, cutting the engine and pausing with a foot set on the sidewalk. She stares up at the large black poster board looming like a danger sign above the short edifice, printed with the words  _Cyber Marine_ in large, block letters over a colorful backdrop of shooting soldiers and alien beasts. Lapis purses her lips. What did she expect? Of  _course_ Peridot works at a cyber cafe. What a nerd. 

She pushes past the front door, but stops when she catches the vague jingle of a door bell. She looks up. 

“Welcome to Cyber Marine, the best place to waste away on games and a thriving virtual life.” Lapis turns her gaze down on the short blondie seated at the counter. She raises an eyebrow. “You came a lot quicker than I expected. It's been like less than five minutes since you called.” 

Lapis smiles, taking a step inside. The bell jingles again when the door closes. She loves that sound. She wonders if she can make an excuse to go outside just to hear it again. “I ride a motorcycle. It's easy to get around.” 

Peridot's grin stretches. “Of course you do. Keep on living the stereotype, my hot, young bartender.” 

_Her_ hot, young bartender. Lapis sucks in a breath. “Can we talk?” 

Peridot's face gradually falls. “This doesn't sound good.” 

Lapis looks around. The cyber's pretty crowded. “Um, outside, maybe?” 

Peridot sighs, looking over her shoulder at the big, lumbering man seated behind her. “Hey Thunk, watch the counter for a sec? I need to duck out back.” 

Her friend shoots her a look. “I'm in the middle of a game, Per! I can't  _pause_ an online game!” 

“What do I pay you for?” 

“Sitting down and looking pretty?” 

She grabs the handheld from his grubby paws before shutting it inside a drawer. “Minimum wage's all I can afford, you clod, and you're barely getting that with all the  _help_ you're providing. Get on the job or move out.”

“Geez, mean!” Thunks stands up and replaces Peridot at the front seat. 

The blonde gestures for Lapis to follow her through a door at the back. They emerge in a compact room, stocked with boxes and old computer screens and CPUs. Peridot leans against a shelf of broken keyboards before nodding. “Alright. What's the big deal? Are you okay? You look like you're gonna puke.” 

Lapis shakes her head, taking deep, choppy breaths. “You never told me you knew Jasper.” 

Peridot looks confused. “Jasper?” She waits a moment, before asking, “Jasper Sokolov? What—What does she have to do with anything?” 

“You're her _ex_.” Lapis says urgently. 

“Y-Yeah,” Peridot flushes. “Okay, what're you talking, Lapis? Why is this such a big deal?” 

“Because Jasper's still in love with you!” Lapis exclaims, holding her head in her hands. “And I'm fucking freaking out because she's one of my closest friends and I—I can't let her find out about this.” She pales. “She can't find out about this.” _Oh God._ “We can't be together.”

Peridot looks around the room, speechless, before forcing a mild scoff. “Hold on. Rewind. Are you—Are you  _dumping_ me?” 

Lapis remains silent. 

“It has literally been less than 12 hours since we got together. This—This has to be some kind of record or something.” 

Still, Lapis keeps her mouth shut. 

“ _Lapis._ _Talk_ to me.” Peridot growls, massaging her jaw with a hand. “Okay, so you're dumping me because Jasper's still into me? That's it? That's—That's the whole reason? You're—” She laughs. “—not even willing to give this a chance? Did you even _want_ this in the first place?!”

Lapis's eyes go wide with alarm. “Of  _course_ I did! Peridot, I never even considered the possibility of a relationship until  _you_ came along! I mean, look at you! You're some hot, attractive thing and last night was the best night I've had in a long time but—”

“But you can't continue this.” Peridot finishes for her, slumping down in understanding. “Because you don't wanna hurt Jasper's feelings?” 

Lapis looks away guiltily. “I know this situation isn't  _ideal_ . If I could have it any other way—” 

“Yeah.” Peridot sighs loudly. 

There's a moment of silence. Lapis rubs her neck awkwardly as Peridot shoves her hands deep into the pockets of her hoodie. Lapis feels horrible, she feels horrible and the sight of Peridot slouching like this makes her want to hold her in her arms and cuddle her like some plush teddy bear. She wants to touch her naked body again, to kiss that frown away, to be able to just  _hold_ her, maybe. But she can't. Because Jasper's in love with Peridot too. Lapis feels nauseous again, so much so that she has to turn away to swallow the bile down her throat.

“Alright.” Peridot whispers. “Well, that's it, I guess.” 

Lapis turns to her, light eyes wide with uncertainty. Peridot's face is shielded by the shadows, but through the dimness, Lapis can just barely catch her green eyes sparkling with obvious disappointment, so she opens her mouth and blurts out the first thing that comes to mind, “We—We can still be friends?” 

Peridot looks up at her with an eyebrow raised. “Friends?” 

“Yeah,” Lapis blushes. “I mean, we—we obviously have a lot in common, and you're chill and fun and you can take drinking the Water Bitch without throwing up the first time. That's gold to me.” She offers her a crooked smile. “We can still be friends. If—If you wanna, that is.” 

Peridot stares at her for a long moment, scrutinizing her offer. “Friends,” She repeats, lifting her chin in mild curiosity. “Sure.” 

Lapis's heart picks up. “Really?” 

Peridot chuckles, shrugging. “I mean, if you think you can handle it, sure.” 

_If you think you can handle—_ “What?” Lapis murmurs, blinking. “What does that mean?”

Peridot shrugs again. “You said it yourself, you hadn't even considered the possibility of a relationship until I came along. That means something.” She plays with a loose strand of blonde hair before smoothening it back across her head. “Can you really just see me as a  _friend_ ? After everything we went through?” 

Lapis narrows her eyes, appalled. “Are you—Are you accusing me of being too...  _flirty_ , Peridot Guntherson?” 

The shorter girl flashes her a grin before kicking herself off the shelf. She makes her way to the door, brushing past Lapis with a smirk. “Wouldn't dream of it, Lazuli.” With a hand on the knob, she pulls the door open and steps out, leaving Lapis standing there like some lame, clay statue, eyes wide and face blushing red.

She lets go of the breath she didn't know was holding, before raking her fingers through her disheveled hair. “Calm down, Lapis,” She says to herself. “She's wrong. You  _can_ just be friends with someone you once slept with. No problem.” 

But then Peridot peaks back into the room, lips curled upwards in a cheeky smirk.

“By the way,” She says, pointing. “Nice hickey.” 

Lapis's gaze flickers down to her shoulder, where she can just barely see the outlines of a purple bruise taking form along her collarbone. She flushes, reaching out to pull her shirt higher up her neck. When she looks up, Peridot's gone, but this feeling of excitement isn't. 

_Goddamn it,_ She thinks, laughing to herself.  _I'm fucking screwed._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So these chapters are gonna be kinda short (short for my standards) because I kinda want this to be a short, sweet thing where it leaves you wanting more (muahahaha)
> 
> OK THANKS FOR READING MWUAH


	3. You're Savage

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WEE THANK YOU FOR YER SUPPORTS <3   
> I posted more sketches of this fic on ma Tumblr.

Lapis checks the clock for what seems like the hundredth time.

“I can't take this anymore!” She screams, slamming her forehead against the counter. “I wanna go home, I need fucking sleep!”

Steven laughs, pouring a bottle of—actually Lapis doesn't know what it is—into a shot glass and shoving it in front of Lapis's face. “Here, drink up. It'll help.” He glances at the clock too. “It's only two and a half more hours till 3. You can do this.”

Lapis glares up at him through the bags underneath her eyes. “Save yourself the pep-talk, Universe. My head is pounding and my body feels like _lead_. I swear, I'm coming down with something and it'd be all your goddamn fault!”

Connie laughs from her fiance's side. “How is Steven to blame?”

Lapis raises a shaky finger and presses it against his fluffy chest. “You left me to fend for myself for _seven days_ _in a row_! Do you know how much I suffered? How tired I was? How much booze was wasted on nights I cried myself to sleep thinking my life is over?”

Steven pulls a face.“Okay, you're totally over-exaggerating this—”

“ _A lot_ of booze! How am I supposed to buy back _a lot_ of booze with the pay I'm earning on a daily basis? I don't even have the cash to buy myself dinner, I'm _doomed_!”

“You make like 200 a day,” Connie muses, grinning. “500 on good days. I _think_ you have enough for dinner and that unidentifiable amount of alcohol you lost.”

Lapis shakes her head. “But you don't get it, Connie. The point is,” She points to Steven again. “ _He_ left me!”

Steven rolls his eyes. “Okay. Now I _insist_ you drink. You're obviously still a little shell-shocked from what happened with that gamer gir—”

“Shhhhh,” Lapis presses her hand against Steven's mouth, muffling the rest of his words. “Speaking about that stranger is unacceptable! But I _will_ take that drink.” She grabs the shot glass and downs it in one go, slamming the cup back on the counter before shouting out in glee. “Alcohol, my lover!”

Connie is very amused at Lapis's half-drunken show. She turns to Steven, who leans in closer to wrap an arm around her waist. “Okay, so I'm probably not supposed to know, but what's this about a gamer?” She asks.

Steven grins, watching Lapis throw herself against the sink and wash her face with boiling hot water, before pulling away with a screech. “She met someone a few days ago. She owns the cyber cafe down the street, Cyber Marine? Anyways, yeah. Lapis and her had a thing before she found out she was Jasper's ex and had to call it quits.”

“ _Lapis_ had a thing with someone?” Connie gasps. “Is she finally moving on?”

“Hold on, it wasn't that serious.” Steven says. “They met the night before it ended. Lapis liked her a lot, but... circumstances came in the way.”

Connie looks confused. “But Jasper is Lapis's friend. Wouldn't she let her be with this gamer girl if Lapis was happy with her?”

“She would,” Steven says thoughtfully, nodding. “If Jasper wasn't in love with her herself.”

Connie's face falls. “Oh.”

“Yup.”

“That's tough.”

Steven sighs. “You said it.”

Lapis comes back with her face red and a damp rag held tightly between her fingers. “I think I'm sober now.”

Steven chuckles, reaching up to poke at her face. “I think you missed a spot.”

“Ow!” She hisses and pulls away. “Back off, assbrains!”

Connie leans in and kisses him on the cheek. “I'm gonna use the restroom. Be right back.”

“Okay!” Steven yells after her, before turning back to Lapis. “So, have you talked to her since—y'know—the whole break-up?”

Lapis rolls her eyes. “ _No._ I've been _trying_ to get on with my life.” She throws the rag on the sink before slouching down against the counter. “Jasper will never find out and I plan to keep it that way. So shut your trap when she arrives.” She raises a rigid finger and stares at him with one eye shut. “You've done enough damage.”

Steven laughs. “Okay, well, if you're _tired_ tonight, I can take over to make up for all those days I missed, but you promised Jasper you'd stay till she got here, so might as well just stay till the end, right?”

“You just wanna get home early and bang Connie again.”

“That is untrue.” Steven pouts. “The season finale for Under the Knife comes on tonight and—”

“Holy shit!” Lapis throws her hands up in the air. “I'm being abandoned for a stupid doctor's show! Listen, everybody! My best friend's abandoning me for fake surgeries and bad acting!”

Steven groans and waves at a few people who look their way, before turning back to Lapis with his brows furrowed. “Okay, they do _not_ have bad acting.”

“Oh, yeah, you're right, my apologies,” Lapis mock-bows. “It's just the script that sucks ass.”

“You can be a real bitch, you know that?”

Lapis nods her head proudly. “Born and raised, baby.”

Just at that moment, the door swings open, and in comes the giant lumbering hunk of meat that is Jasper Sokolov. She drops onto the seat next to Steven, high-fiving him on the back. The contact makes a clapping sound.

“Steven!” She exclaims, baring her canines. “You're gonna treat me tonight, aren't ya'?”

Steven wheezes, rubbing his sore rib. “With a greeting like that, I think I'm gonna have to.”

“What're you having?” Lapis asks, leaning back. “Champagne? Whiskey? Vodka?” She pauses, eyebrow raised. “Coffee?”

“Bourbon. Make it heavy.”

“Woah,” Steven laughs. “Rough day?”

“Always,” Jasper mumbles, rolling her eyes. “My match with Ruby got rescheduled to next week because of something stupid.” She picks at her fingers. “Ruby has plans with Sapphire this weekend to, y'know, take her out someplace nice. But this is the _third_ time she's rescheduled. The only reason the gym's going along with it is cause the Davis's are like, their biggest sponsors, so Ruby constantly gets her way with things. I lost my temper about it, accused her of being unfair.” She sighs. “Sufficed to say, there was an argument, and a few punches were thrown.”

Steven looks horrified. “You and Ruby? But you're best friends!”

Jasper shrugs. “We have our fair share of disagreements.”

Lapis drops the cup of bourbon heavily in front of Jasper's sulking form. “Well, hey, think about it this way. Now you can get drunk all this week and not have to worry about any stupid matches!” She pauses, before adding, “Actually, _don't_ get drunk all this week. We don't need you crying all over the counter.”

Jasper flips her off. “Fuck off.”

“Would be glad to.” Lapis winks.

Jasper downs the bourbon before asking for another, just as Connie comes back from the restroom. Jasper raises her hand in greeting, but otherwise her shoulders remain slouched over the counter. Lapis almost feels bad for her. But she's done enough to make her happy. Well, sort of. The memory tries to overtake her with guilt and regret, but she forces the feeling away, focusing instead on the new customers pouring in with orders that keep her busy.

She works for a while, going back and forth between her group of friends and her customers. She pockets a fair amount of 380 dollars tonight. That's not a shabby amount. With this, she could probably clear the rent that's been months overdue now. _If_ she doesn't waste it on new carpets again.

She goes back to her friends when the customers clear, pooling around the darts and arcade machines in one rowdy bunch. “Another refill?” She asks Jasper, who looks about ready to drop onto the ground and mourn for a dead cat.

Jasper shakes her head. “No, no, I still need to drive back home.”

“Jasper's been telling us about her _ex_.” Steven says, raising a suggestive eyebrow.

Lapis colors. “Oh.” She says, turning away. “Do you want another beer, Steven? How about some champagne, Connie? On the house!” She has to quit giving free drinks like this. _This_ is why her rent is months overdue (along with those fluffy carpets)!

Steven chuckles and waves his hand, while Connie shakes her head politely. “No, thank you, Lapis, you've given us enough.” She smiles. “Besides, we're trying _not_ to get too hammered this week. The last time we were here, we had to call in sick the next day because of those killer hangovers.”

Lapis nods thoughtfully. “The Water Bitch lives up to its name.”

“Besides,” Steven grins. “Designated drivers have to keep their loved ones safe. Have you _seen_ me driving drunk?”

Connie rolls her eyes. “There's a reason I always keep the keys, Steven.”

Steven gestures to Connie, as if to say _I told you._

Lapis laughs, turning to Jasper. “You hear that, Jasp? Designated drivers gotta keep sober. You might wanna rethink that whole driving home thing you were talking about.” She pauses, awaiting a reaction, but Jasper's staring off into the distance, eyes with with alarm and face pale with panic. Lapis furrows her brows, leaning in. “Jasper? You okay?”

“H-Huh?” Jasper turns to her, sweating. What the fuck, why is she sweating? “Yeah, yeah. I'm just—” She gulps, leaning in to whispers, “ _She's_ here.”

Lapis raises a brow. “She's here? Who's here? Are you feeling alright, buddy?”

Jasper glares at her. _“Her,_ Lapis. My _ex._ ” She takes Lapis's chin and tilts her face to the right. “It's _Peridot._ ”

Then Lapis sees her.

And oh my God, it _is_ her. She's standing right there, in front of the bar. She's not in that oversized hoodie anymore. Instead she sports a lime green tank-top with an alien on the front and cargo shorts. Holy hell fucking God, she looks adorable.

“Oh, shit.” Lapis whispers unconsciously.

“Yeah, oh shit is right.” Jasper growls, pulling away. “What the fuck is she doing here? She _never_ goes out drinking!”

Never, huh? Lapis gulps, turning to Steven. He's noticed the tension. He heard the whole thing. He glances into her eyes before raising a suggestive eyebrow.

_Go talk to her._

Lapis pales. _What?! Are you fucking crazy?! Jasper's right_ here _._

Steven rolls his eyes. _Not like_ that _. Just find out what she's doing here. Who knows? Maybe she's here to see you._

Lapis makes a face. _And then what? Cry tears of joy and run into her arms? I doubt Jasper'll appreciate the gesture._

And of course Steven smirks, being the smug son-of-a-bitch he is. _Don't worry. I have nine one one on speed-dial if anything happens._

Lapis is just about to flip him off, when Jasper's voice cuts through her thoughts.

“Why're you guys looking at each other like that?”

Maybe it's a gift, this ability to read each other's mind like she and Steven can.

It sure as hell makes you look stupid as fuck though.

“Nothing,” Lapis mumbles, tearing her gaze away to look at Jasper.

“Listen, Lap, you gotta help me,” Jasper says, grabbing her hands. “If I go up to her now, I'll—I'll freeze. She won't even look at me, I know it! You have to—You have to talk to her. Convince her that I'm sincere.”

Lapis works her jaw, speechless. “I'm, um, I don't—” She turns to Steven for help.

“ _Please_ , Lap. Do it for me?” Jasper practically begs.

Oh man, why did she have to give her that Bourbon? Drunk Jasper is so much more stubborn than sober Jasper is. Lapis sighs, pulling her hand free. “Fine, fine, I'll talk to your damn ex.”

Jasper's face instantly brightens. “That's my girl!”

“Go away,” Lapis hisses, flicking her on the forehead before making her way down the bar. Her heart is hammering in her chest with each step she takes. The closer she gets to the green-shirted blondie, the sweatier her palms become. When she finally gets to her, she has to wipe them over her apron because that's just how fucking damp they are!

“Hello,” She says robotically. “What in hell's name are you doing here?”

Peridot looks up at her, eyebrow arced. Oh no. She's still attractive! In fact, she might have gotten even more attractive in the past week! How is that possible?! “It's a bar?” She says, smiling slyly. “I'm allowed to drink, aren't I?”

Lapis forces a smile. “You know what I mean,” She glances over at Jasper, who's eyeing them like some lion stalking a gazelle. She gulps. “Jasper is right _there_.”

“Okay, well, I'm not afraid of her like you are.”

Lapis whips her gaze up. “I'm not _afraid_!”

Peridot smirks. “Uh-huh.”

Lapis narrows her gaze. This chick just won't take the hint, does she? She's horrified at how relieved she is.

“Besides, I don't see the problem.” Peridot shrugs. “We're just _friends_ , aren't we?”

Lapis purses her lips. “Well, yeah, but—”

“Jasper's got nothing to worry about. I'm just here for a drink.”

Lapis sighs, dropping her head. “Look, Jasper wants me to talk to you. About—About you guys.” She feels really uncomfortable suddenly. “She, um, she really wants you guys to get back together, and she's scared that you're gonna reject her—”

“Which I will.” Peridot says plainly.

Lapis pulls away, hissing. “You're savage. You won't even give her a chance?”

Peridot rolls her eyes. “I _gave_ her a chance. That's why she's my ex-girlfriend, not my ex-crush. Look, we tried it out and it didn't work! What more needs to be said? Sometimes relationships don't work out. You just have to suck it up and deal with it.”

Lapis's eyebrow twitches. Something hot burns within her chest like fire, spreading through her insides like some sick disease plaguing her with depression. She looks away, afraid to show even a hint of the emotions she has tried to vault away. She fumbles around with a few glasses before pouring Peridot a cup of whiskey. “Um, you're gonna have to pay for this one.”

Peridot looks up at her, expression unreadable. “Right,” She says, picking the drink up. “Cause we're just _friends_ now.”

Lapis feels horrible. She wants to heave over the counter and puke right now.

“Okay, sorry, that was a little harsh.” Peridot sighs, dropping the drink. “Look, Lapis, I'm not gonna lie. I didn't just come here for a drink.”

Lapis glances at her. “Yeah,” She murmurs. “I figured.”

“You wanna be just friends? Cool, I'll play along.” She shrugs. “Doesn't make the feelings I have for you go away though.”

And then Lapis is smiling again. But she _shouldn't_ be smiling, so she wipes it away with a cough. “Right, well,” She leans against the counter all tough-like. “Too bad for you, I guess.” She shrugs. “Suck it up, y'know?”

Peridot rolls her eyes. “You're a total clod.”

“Clod,” Lapis repeats, laughing. “Well, _you_ , my friend, are a total dork. Not just for using the word clod, but also for making your feelings so obvious like that. Don't you know chicks love mysterious girls?”

Peridot laughs. “ _Right_ , because I was _so_ mysterious when I blatantly told you I liked you before you basically straddled me across the bed eating my face out.”

Lapis colors, leaning in. “Shh,” She whispers urgently, glancing at Jasper again. “Don't you know discretion, woman?!”

“Right, right, sorry,” Peridot raises her hands in apology, before reaching over to down the whiskey in one quick swoop. When Lapis offers to give her more, she shakes her head. “No thanks. I'm only here for the hot, young bartender anyways.”

Lapis grits her teeth together, sucking in a breath. “You're making it _really_ hard to see you as just a friend, Peridot Guntherson.”

Peridot smirks, looking at her through the shining lights and beautiful noise. “That's the point, Lapis Lazuli.”

Lapis gulps.

_She's good._

A noise catches her attention. A noise that she's been all too familiar with for the past few months now. Someone shoves a stool back in its place, causing it to sound like somebody's nails against a chalkboard. Lapis flinches, and she whips her gaze up only to watch Jasper sway where she stands, gripping the bar with a look so horribly nervous Lapis fears she might pass out then and there. But she doesn't. No, she does something so much more worse. She marches up to Peridot, brave-face and all, and says, “Hey, beautiful.”

Lapis's jaw hangs slack.

Peridot stiffens. “Jasper.” She murmurs, tucking a loose strand of short blonde hair behind her hair. “Good to see you again.”

Jasper nods tensely. “It's been a while.”

Oh my God, can this conversation get any more awkward?

Jasper sees the empty cup on the counter. “Another cup? I can—”

“No,” Peridot mumbles quickly, flushing. “No, it's fine. I'm just heading out anyways.”

Lapis kind of feels like she's intruding on something very intimate, even though it's obvious, from the way this conversation is going, Ruby and Jasper's match next week beats this atmosphere in intimacy by the dozens. But she turns away anyways, because she _respects_ Jasper very much. Yup, there's no way Lapis is actually jealous. She and Peridot are just friends, after all.

Just... _friends._

Lapis wants to laugh at herself. How much willpower does someone need to convince themselves of that bullshit lie?

Because of the overbearingly ear-splitting mash-up of techno percussions blasting from the overhead speakers, Lapis can, fortunately, no longer hear Jasper and Peridot's ongoing conversation. But she can look over her shoulder and peak. She does exactly that, for exactly five times, before she forces herself to remain stoic and concentrate solely on cleaning glass cups. But they're already clean! Why the hell is she cleaning them again?!

She dumps them in the sink and picks up a bottle of whiskey from the cooler box below. She chugs it straight from the glass until it burns her throat and lungs alike. After waiting a moment for the light-headedness to sink in, she decides to dump the bottle in the sink too before whirling around.

Oh my Lordy, Jasper is hugging Peridot. Because Jasper's so fucking huge, Lapis can't see what expression Peridot is wearing, but some part of her withers at the sight of Peridot's tiny arms wrapped around her shoulders. She turns away, sucking in a breath. Well, this night could've gone _a whole lot better_.

Jasper leaves after a moment, and Lapis takes big strides to reach her just as she's sitting. “So?” She asks, leaning against the counter. “How'd it go?”

She wants to think Jasper's mistaking her anxiety for excitement. “It was—” Jasper smiles gently, shrugging. “—a whole lot better than I thought it'd go.” Okay, so she _does_ think Lapis is actually excited for her. She wants to strangle her in the throat and scream, _Why did you have to be in love with_ her, _of all the short blondes in New fucking York_?!

“Did you guys, um,” Lapis shrugs. “What did she say? What did _you_ say?”

Steven is shooting her looks from his seat beside Jasper, but Lapis is openly ignoring him for several reasons. One of them being that she truly does not care until she gets her answers.

Jasper sighs, looking up at the ceiling. “I told her I missed her. I told her it'd be cool if we could hang out again.” She shuts her eyes, before saying, “She said okay. She gave me her new number, and she even complimented me on how well I'm doing in the ring. Can you believe that? She _complimented_ me.”

Lapis bites her lip, her fingers curled inwards in her palm, nails digging into her skin. “That's _great_!” She flinches at how false that sounds, but Jasper's so lovesick, she doesn't even notice it.

“It was all cause of you, Lap! Whatever the hell you said to her _worked_.” Jasper flashes her a grin. “Thank you _so_ much. You are literally the best friend anyone could ever ask for.”

Steven nudges her in the rib. “Hey, hey, calm down. I was her best friend first.”

Jasper nods her head. “I know that! I'm just saying—Lapis, you really did it for me. Thank you.”

Lapis forces a smile. “No problem.” _I am going to go home and drown in my tears._

From the corner of her eye, she just barely catches Peridot waving a ten-dollar bill in the air before handing it over to one of the waitresses, Sadie. Just as Lapis looks over, Peridot sees her and their gazes lock. She pushes herself off the counter and smiles. A genuine smile. One of the smiles that make Lapis wish she wasn't friends with Jasper.

Then guilt hits her like a lightning bolt.

Peridot raises a hand and waves.

Lapis swallows, waving back.

Jasper sees her leaving and scoots off her seat. “Now that we're cool,” She says, still grinning. “I think I'll offer to walk her back. I actually _don't_ think she'll reject me this time.”

Steven pats her on the back. “Go for it, buddy. You have fun now.”

Jasper tips her chin off at him. “You know I will.”

“Bye, Jasper!” Connie says, waving.

Jasper waves back, before reaching over to grasp Lapis tightly on the shoulder and squeezing. That's her way of saying goodbye, of course. Lapis can only force a smile. She can barely breathe. Oh my God, is it just her or are the lights getting a little too bright for comfort?

When Jasper and Peridot leave, Steven turns his attention to Lapis, who's leaning against the counter in obvious frustration and exhaustion, eyes shut tight against the lights flashing wildly through the open room. Suddenly, she doesn't find herself fancying them. Suddenly, she wants them to shut off. She wants to be surrounded in darkness again. Her knees give way, and she falls on her backside, yelling out.

“Goddamn it, knees!” She screams, loud enough to be heard from across the room despite the thudding music reverberating around them.

Connie stands, alarmed. “Oh my God, Lapis! Are you alright?!”

“Crap,” Steven gets up and hops over the counter, draping Lapis's limp arm over his shoulder. “Alright, let's stand up now.”

Lapis looks a little red in the face, but she manages. “You know what, Steven?”

Steven shoots her a sympathetic look. “What?”

“I think,” She laughs. “I'm gonna go home.”

“Yeah,” Steven helps her steady herself on the counter. “I think you should too.”

Connie nods. “I'll drive you, Lapis. I'll come back to pick up Steven when the bar closes.”

She sighs, patting Connie on the top of her head awkwardly. “You guys are the best.”

Steven chuckles. “How much did you have to drink?” He can obviously smell the alcohol in Lapis's breath, which she's in no way trying to hide.

“About half a bottle. Wee bit.” She pinches the air with her thumb and forefinger. “Only a tinsy wincy bit. Not enough to get drunk.”

Steven rolls his eyes. “Let's get you to the car, buddy.”

When Lapis gets home that night, the first thing she does is strip herself off the customary black T, blue apron and pants, before diving into bed, sinking in the warm duvet below her. She sighs, washing away in a fit of drunken exhaustion and self-pity. She loves this feeling. She loves getting drunk. She loves feeling nothing at all. A part of her knows she's gonna wake up the next morning with a raging hangover and absolutely hate herself for doing this in the first place, but the other part is completely embracing the concept of _no tomorrow_. Her eyes open, just a fraction, and despite the haziness of the night and the blurriness of her vision, she manages to catch the photo-frame sitting a few feet away atop one of the shelves she no longer looks at.

Lapis is smiling there, with an arm wrapped around some girl's shoulders, pulling her tight against her as the camera snaps their love in a single, beautiful photo. The girl's hair is flying wildly in the wind, one eye shut against the breeze, her lips pulled upwards in a bright smile as she laughs at Lapis for taking a photo at such a random moment. Lapis remembers her kissing her afterwards. She remembers her arms around her body. She remembers her laugh, light as a feather.

Lapis shuts her eyes, sighing.

Sleep takes her like a storm. She has nightmares about fire. She has nightmares about flood. She wakes up twice screaming into the night. After the second time, she gives up on sleep completely, and sets herself outside on the balcony, staring over the city that she had once loved with every ounce of her being.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little deeper into Lapis's internal battle with her past break-up. 
> 
> I feel like this mysterious ex is very incredibly obvious. So if you've figured it out and is wondering "Why the hell is there an ex x Lapis pairing in this story?!" Well... I like crack ships. Plus some of this ship's art is real cool. Also I think it works in this universe. You'll get yer confirmation soon enough. Ta-ta!


	4. Never Have I Ever

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title says it all. I've read at least TWO stories that've done it before. So I thought, well, is about time I do it too! 
> 
> Also I'm in Melbourne for summer holidays now, spending time with my siblings, so I might not update as much!

Lapis is stuck on bar duty again tonight. Steven has a big day tomorrow with the firefighters, so he has to use the night to recharge his batteries and make sure he doesn't go flopping all over the ground when a building catches fire. The rest are just as busy, and, unlike Lapis, who doesn't have a life outside the Aqua Glass, they actually have other things to do on a regular Saturday night. So Lapis is, regrettably, alone.

The bar is packed tonight, which isn't a surprise—because it's _Saturday—_ so the music's a little louder and the lights are a little brighter. Lapis raises a thumb at Sour Cream, the official Aqua Glass DJ, who's blazing a sick soundtrack for the dancers at the center of the room. Her bar isn't normally for dancing, not when there are clubs all over town who cater to that kind of crazy shit, but on Saturdays, Lapis makes an exception. Saturdays are dance days.

Saturdays are get-drunk-till-you-puke-and-go-home-with-a-random-girl days.

Lapis scopes her prey, sweeping her gaze through the crowds of drunk, horny women who just wanna take off their dresses and have a night of beauty and wonder. Lapis can provide both. Lapis knows she can.

But no one's interesting tonight. Everybody's all drab and bore. Wear and tear. She wants something new. Something exciting.

Or maybe she just needs more sleep.

She hasn't been getting much of any for the last couple of weeks, but the alcohol helps. Sometimes she'd take out a bottle of whiskey, pour herself a glass, and she'd knock out till sunrise. And those are the _good_ days.

She glances over at the end of the counter, where a new customer has seated herself on the last seat. Her seat. She always sits there. Even though this is only her third time, Lapis likes to think she's claimed it as her own. As if she actually comes here regularly. She pushes herself off the counter and makes her way own the aisle. Smile at place and drink in hand, she pours the stranger a glass of some kind of yellow cocktail.

“Fancy meeting you here.” She tries to sound as cool as possible.

The blonde leans lazily on one hand, staring. “You look different,” She says, not meanly, but not kindly either. “Like you haven't been getting much sleep.”

Lapis shrugs. “I haven't,” She places the drink in front of her. “Bartender: zero. Insomnia: one.” She clears her throat and adjusts herself. “So, what brings you down to the Aqua Glass, Peridot Guntherson?”

Peridot narrows her eyes, eyebrow arced. “I'm curious about something.”

Lapis nods. “Sure.”

“So I'm gonna ask you a question. And you're gonna answer it honestly.”

Lapis laughs, forcing herself not to turn away. “Straight-forward as usual.”

“I don't see the point in going around in circles,” Peridot says simply. “I like getting my answers.”

Lapis does too, but she acquires them differently. So many people lie when confronted so honestly, they lie because the honesty scares them. But Lapis gets them drunk and flirts and manipulates from there. It's a longer process, but she likes to think it formulates better results. _Honest_ results. “Alright,” She says, tipping her chin up. “What's your question?”

Peridot leans forward in her seat, hands intertwined together in front of her face. “Did what happen with Jasper not bother you at all?”

Lapis licks the back of her teeth. “Nope,” She says. “Why would it?”

“Has anyone ever told you you're a shit liar?”

“Only my parents who both hate my guts.”

“Keep on living the stereotype.”

Lapis sighs. “Look, Jasper's like one of my best friends. She wants to be with you? Cool. Just don't break her heart.”

Peridot chuckles. “Playing the protective older sister doesn't suit you, Lazuli. You were a lot cooler when you weren't hiding in Jasper's shadow.”

“ _I'm not_ —” Lapis pauses, trying to soothe her raging emotions. “I'm not _... hiding_ in Jasper's shadow.”

“So you're completely and undoubtedly over me?”

Lapis waits a beat, before nodding. “One hundred percent.”

And then it happens like something off a movie. Peridot reaches out and grabs the scruff of Lapis's shirt, pulling her in so close that their noses just barely brush together. Lapis can feel her heart jump to her throat. She can smell her. She can feel her. And those eyes—How weird is it that there are so many little specks of brown in the green? She sucks in a breath, hold it.

Peridot smirks. “You sure about that, bartender?”

Lapis looks up, horrified, before tearing herself away. “What the hell?!” She exclaims, reaching up to press her palm against her boiling forehead.

Peridot is still smug, and even though she's seriously pissing Lapis off, she's still so fucking attractive. “You're a little red there, _friend_.”

“Fuck you.” Lapis sighs into her hands, looking away in an attempt to soothe her thumping heartbeat. Everything in her body is screaming. Being so close to Peridot like that—God, what she'd do to just forget about everything else and _kiss_ her. “What's your problem?”

Peridot's eyebrows scrunch together in distaste. “ _My_ problem? Oh, I don't know, Lazuli. We had this amazing night together, we had something really cool going on, and then you just blow it all up by leaving me. And you still wanna stay _friends_?”

Lapis grits her teeth together. “I didn't have a _choice_ , Peridot. Jasper is still in love with you.”

Peridot makes a big show of rolling her eyes. “So _what_?! I don't feel the same way. I haven't for a long time now, so even if she's not over me, there is still no chance of us ever getting back together anyways.”

Lapis stiffens unintentionally. “But you said you missed her,” She bites her lip. “You guys walked home together. You hugged.”

“Yeah,” Peridot sighs. “I did it cause you wanted me to.” She narrows her gaze, before saying, “Okay, that's a lie. I did it because I wanted to provoke you. I wanted to do something to irritate you, so you'd realize how stupid this whole thing is. Don't tell me you don't feel the same way about me, Lazuli. It's evident in the way you look at me.”

“You are cocky as fuck, you know that?” Lapis snaps.

Peridot scoffs. “It takes one to know one.”

Lapis rolls her eyes, but a part of her is buzzed, energized. She hasn't felt this much energy since they met. “Whatever, fuck you, I don't like you.”

Peridot sighs, dipping her head down in defeat. “Okay, Lazuli, you win.” She raises her hands. “I won't bother you anymore.”

Lapis stares at her form in thought, before whirling around and grabbing a bottle from the upper shelves. “So, you wanna get hammered or what?”

Peridot looks up, confused. “What?”

“We're gonna play a game of Never Have I Ever.”

Peridot is still confused. “With _two_ people?”

Lapis shrugs, placing two shot glasses on the counter before setting the bottle down next to them. “Jasper and Amethyst play it together all the time and they manage to get smashed to the point of heaving their guts out.” She shrugs again. “I'm thinkin', what's the harm?”

“Um, you're kind of the only bartender managing this place.” She gestures around the room with a hand. “The harm might be losing a shitload of business.”

Lapis looks up. “Nah,” She murmurs. “Sadie, Kiki and Jenny's got it covered. Plus Sour Cream's got the dance-floor crazed. It keeps the customers busy.”

“You're sure?” Peridot splutters, eyes wide. “You really wanna do this?”

Lapis is already pouring the drinks. “I'll start, stranger.” She grabs her glass before raising it in the air. “Never have I ever had sex on a moving vehicle.”

Peridot stares at her, jaw hanging slack, before clearing her throat and saying, “So, what, does fingering count?”

Lapis raises an eyebrow, content that Peridot's playing along. “If either one of you hit climax, it counts.”

Peridot sighs, before drinking. Lapis can feel the corner of her mouth quirk upwards before she downs her glass too. She refills them quickly before tipping her chin off at Peridot. “Naughty girl. Your turn.”

“Okay,” Peridot chuckles, picking up her glass. “Never have I ever... shoplifted.”

Lapis rolls her eyes before drinking. “ _Boring_ ,” She exclaims. “I was like 6, my parents found out two hours later but let me keep the damn thing because the store was an hour away from my house.”

Peridot grins, but she doesn't touch her drink. “What did you steal?”

“A lollipop.” She refills her drink. “Damn thing tasted like shit anyways.”

Peridot raises her glass, but still she doesn't drink. “Your turn.”

Lapis licks her lips and laughs. “You're such a goody-two-shoes, look at you. Never shoplifted. I bet you were some straight-A student in high school, honor roll or some shit. How'd you end up in that cyber cafe anyway?”

“I thought we were playing a game.” Peridot raises her glass. “Or have you given up?”

Lapis narrows her gaze. “Okay, stranger.” She leans down and stares at her right in the eye. “Never have I ever broken somebody else's heart.”

Peridot's face goes stoic with mild irritation, and there's some sort of thin line there, a warning of a sort, but Lapis doesn't heed much attention to it because of her own desire to rip every inch of Peridot's soul down to the ground like shredded curtains. She wants to strip her of her walls, to see just how vulnerable Peridot can become. Peridot picks her glass and drinks the whole thing, before slamming it back down. “Asshole.”

Lapis lifts the cup to her lips and finishes it herself, before refilling both. “Shoot, stranger.”

“Never have I ever driven drunk.”

Lapis clicks her tongue. “You're getting there, but you're still a little boring.”

“Take the drink.” Peridot says.

And then Lapis narrows her gaze. “Are you—Are you _trying_ to get me drunk?”

Peridot laughs lightly, before saying, “I'm only doing what you're doing, bartender.”

Lapis can feel this tick at the back of her brain screaming _this fucking chick is your soulmate. Fucking marry her!_ But she ignores it, like she always does. Because the sensible side wins. See? Lapis is sensible. She takes her drink and downs it.

Peridot doesn't.

“Never have I ever had sex in a public area.”

They both drink.

“Never have I ever had a sex fantasy about my best friend.”

Neither of them drink.

“Wow, really, Lazuli?”

Lapis scoffs. “What, you think I'm some sort of wolf just going around humping everything I see?” But a smirk has already wormed its way up her lips. “Never have I ever gone skinny-dipping.”

Lapis drinks, Peridot doesn't.

“Oh wow, remind me to take you skinny-dipping.”

Peridot grins. “Is that an offer?”

Lapis is feeling light-headed and buzzed, so why not?

But then she remembers Jasper.

“Ask me again another five shots in.” She says, laughing.

“Never have I ever taken someone's virginity.”

They both drink.

Lapis is surprised. “Wow, Peri.”

Peridot shrugs. “We were in high-school. She was my best friend's little sister and she was really gay for me.”

“Naughty, naughty,” Lapis leans in, smirking. “Someone's trying _very_ hard to get me vulnerable tonight,” She refills their drinks and laughs. “And it's fucking working.”

Peridot looks up at her, but she says nothing.

“Never have I ever used a sex toy.”

Peridot drinks, Lapis doesn't.

Peridot stares at her like she's crazy. “What, really?!”

“What? I'm more surprised about _you_. Guntherson is a lot dirtier than all of us thought!” Lapis giggles. “I've never tried em'. Never bothered to. I like fingers and mouths. Those are all the toys I'll ever need.”

“Never have I ever had a friend-with-benefits.”

Lapis raises an eyebrow. “You mean like a fuck buddy?” She shrugs. “I'll bite.” She downs her drink. Peridot does too.

“Never have I ever—” Lapis squints through the darkness, staring at the back of some random chick's head. It reminds her of something from her past. It reminds her of her ex-best friend from high school. “Never have I ever lost someone because of sex.”

Peridot stares at her for a moment. “What's the context? What do you mean?”

Lapis shrugs. “I dunno, like, you guys were friends, you had sex and... it didn't work, and you guys just lost contact. Or,” She shrugs again. “Maybe you had sex with someone's partner and lost them because of it? It can be anything!”

“Okay...” Peridot purses her lips, before drinking. She blinks to clear her vision, swaying slightly where she sits. “I'm sensin' some kind of story behind this.”

Lapis sighs. “Nah,” She straightens, but her body's already all tingly and light. “Just some girl I used to be friends with. One night we were drunk, we, um, we did it in her room. The next morning, she woke up, and she was just—” Lapis laughs. “She was fucking horrified. Blew a gasket. Told me it can never happen again. But I kinda liked it, you know? I dig'd her, so after that, it was awkward between us. We were never the same after that.”

Peridot frowns, before reaching out to grab her wrist. She squeezes it tight, and the contact sends electricity up her skin and into her body. Lapis has to withhold a shiver because of it. “Whoever that chick was,” Peridot mumbles. “Is fucking blind. For not seeing what she had when she had it.”

Lapis blinks. Then she laughs. “Wow, you're really drunk!”

Peridot nods. “I am. But I'm also telling the truth!” She tugs on her arm playfully. “You're fucking hot, Lapis. Even straight people would go for you!”

Lapis is still laughing, and suddenly so is Peridot. The alcohol is making them weird and happy and just fucking great. She hops over the counter and ruffles Peridot's fluffy blonde hair. “I need to move, I'm gonna fucking dance. Join me?”

Peridot shakes her head wildly. “No way. There's one thing I will never do no matter how drunk I am.” She points to the dance-floor.

Lapis frowns. “Boo, you're no fun.” She backs up into the mass of people. “But fine. Suit yourself! Guess you're just gonna have to watch from the sidelines, stranger!”

Peridot tips an invisible cap. “Would be glad to.”

Lapis turns to Sour Cream, raising two fingers in the air to form some sort of signal. He catches it immediately and throws her a thumbs up. The tune instantly changes, morphing into some hit song with sick beats and entrancing lyrics. Lapis dances to it like there's no tomorrow, hips swaying, eyes glazing, arms circling, legs bending. She moves like water, she moves like wind. Every movement is so calculated, so perfectly beautiful, Peridot can't do anything but stare. She's so entranced by the way she's dancing, as if her body is one with the music, pumping blood into the dance-floor with an energy only she can harness, with a vibe—a soulful passion—only she can radiate.

The song is wonderful. The song is beautiful.

But the girl on the dance-floor, the girl with the wild blue hair and cheeky blue eyes—She's the most beautiful one of them all. Peridot can't take her eyes off her. Every part of her body is completely appealed to this woman. It's nuts how big an effect she has on her. And maybe, yeah, the alcohol is playing a part in it too. All she wants to do know is take her. And take her hard.

Lapis snaps her eyes open, and though she's still dancing, she keeps them open. Everybody else has circled around her, watching her, cheering her on, entranced by her movements just as much as Peridot is. But the thing that gets to her, the thing that makes Peridot's skin prickle with excitement and joy and pleasure, is the fact that Lapis is looking at _her_. And no one else.

Lapis stops dancing after the song ends. She's sweating and panting by the time she gets to Peridot's side, but she's still unimaginably beautiful. In fact, she might even be hotter with all that glimmer on her skin. “Never have I ever made out on the dance-floor.” She grabs her cup, fills it and downs it in one swift go.

Peridot is staring at her, half-amazed, half-bemused. “Well, I've never—”

“I know,” Lapis breathes, grabbing her wrist and pulling her out. “I'm gonna change that.”

Peridot's heart skips a beat. She's so dizzy that she doesn't even notice Lapis dragging her deeper into the mass of dancing people. She's so dizzy that she doesn't even notice Lapis wrapping her arms around her waist. She's so dizzy that she doesn't even notice Lapis leaning into her body with heated determination. Before she knows it, they're kissing.

Lapis has her tongue in her mouth, pushing hard against her tiny body. She wants every bit of her, every little bit that she has left. She pushes against her form, hands tight on her waist, exploring the skin underneath her yellow dress shirt, wanting nothing more but to rip it apart to expose the body hiding within it. She has enough self-control to keep herself from doing that, but not enough to stop. They kiss like they're kissing for the first time, like there's nothing else in this world worth thinking about except the taste of her lips on the other's. Lapis is hot and dizzy and horny, and she picks Peridot up before pushing her backwards against the crowd of people. She hears shouts and grotesque insults, but nothing registers. Nothing registers until she slams Peridot against the top of the bar, making out together like wild animals on public display.

But everyone's so drunk, nobody even cares.

Lapis wants to fuck her. She wants to fuck Peridot so bad. She wants to kiss her and love her and fuck her— _Fuck_ , why did it take her so long to do this?

_Because Jasper is in love with her._

Whatever. Peridot was right, she'd never feel the same way, why should she care?

_She's your friend. She's the reason you have Aqua Glass. If you lose her, the only person you'd be left with is Steven. And he's gonna move on eventually. He has a life with Connie. What do you have? Just some bar. You're gonna be all alone._

_Alone._

_You're gonna be_ alone. 

Lapis pulls away as if burnt by fire. Suddenly, everything feels wrong. Everything feels wrong and sick and horrible. Her head is swirling, her body is bloating, she doesn't know what to do, what to feel—and then she leans over the side of the bar and pukes. 

Peridot pushes herself up, patting Lapis down gently. “Okay, okay, there we go.” She murmurs compassionately. 

But Lapis doesn't want care. She's afraid and angry and frustrated. Once she's done, she slaps Peridot's hand away and throws herself off the counter. “Fuck!” She shouts, steadying herself with a hand. 

Peridot looks confused. She drops down and tries to approach her, but Lapis shakes her head. 

“Don't!” 

“Lapis?” 

“We _can't_ do this.” 

Peridot looks torn. “I thought—” She sucks in a breath. “I thought this was what you wanted?!” 

Lapis pales. She feels sick again, but a different kind. Now there's nothing else for her to puke out. All she ate today was a burger and some fries. “Please just  _go_ away.”

Peridot's eyes widen in fury. “What?!” She snaps, taking a step forward. In that deciding moment, Lapis is instantly aware of what kind of drunk Peridot is. She isn't a happy drunk like Lapis or a depressed drunk like Jasper, she's an angry drunk. The kind of drunk who'd get triggered by a simple word. The kind of drunk who'd take all her anger out on some measly issue. The kind of drunk who wouldn't think twice to create a scene in a public bar. And Lapis never would have guessed that Peridot would be an angry drunk, but the way she looks right now—there's no doubt about it. Maybe the reason she's so chill all the time is because she hides all her emotions away. And when she drinks, when they're exposed... She combusts. 

“You play this whole—this whole _game_ with me, you got me _drunk_ , you _kissed_ me, and now you want me to leave?!” Peridot is shouting because of the music, but no one else can hear her anyways.

Lapis shuts her eyes, willing this pain to go away. “You don't understand!” 

“No, I understand plenty, Lazuli. You're just too scared to own up to your own feelings. You've had some shitty experiences because of a bad relationship and now you're just playing around, not knowing what you wanna do with your life.” 

Lapis looks up, eyes burning. “That's not true!” 

“Use Jasper's excuse all you want, but we all know the real truth.” Peridot laughs spitefully. “You're just so fucking manipulative that you've even managed to manipulate yourself.” 

“Fuck you!” Lapis screams, pulling herself up. She takes a step forward, boiling with anger. “You don't know _shit_ about me! You don't know about my past, about my relationships, about my break-ups—” She pauses mid-way, paling. “You—You don't know _shit_. I'm trying—I'm trying to help my fucking friend get with this girl that she's lost, because maybe people deserve second chances. _Maybe_ , for fuck's sake, a break-up doesn't _have_ to mean the fucking end! Maybe it just means it wasn't the right time. Maybe—” She hesitates, pulling away. Fuck, she's getting too emotional. She's gonna burst out crying. “Just get the fuck out of here, Peridot.”

Peridot hands are clenched by her sides, but when she starts walking, Lapis just barely catches them shaking in the light. “Thanks for the drinks, Lazuli.” She murmurs lowly, brushing past her. Before she leaves, she takes her empty glass and raises it in the air. “Never have I ever fucked with someone's feelings before.” She fills the glass and slams it on the counter. “ _That_ one's for you.” 

Lapis's heart burns with hurt just as the door slams shut. She turns away, shaking, but the music's so loud, the lights are so bright, the people are still so lively, it's as if nothing happened. It's as if Peridot hadn't just turned her night upside down. It's as if Peridot hadn't just made her so vulnerable to the point of almost breaking down in hysterical sobbing. It's as if her heart  _isn't_ burning so heatedly like this. She reaches up to clench her fist over the black fabric of her bartender T, before pressing her forehead against the counter, biting back tears. 

“Fuck.” She spits out, straightening herself out. “Fuck this!” She grabs the cup Peridot had filled and slams it against the ground, watching as it shatters to pieces. Kiki's closest to her. She jumps, shooting her a wide-eyed look. Lapis shrugs. “Whatever, I'll buy a new one!” She glances up at the clock.

A quarter to 3. She gets up on the counter and waves to Sour Cream. He instantly cuts off the music. 

“Everybody, go home!” She shouts. “Bar's closing early tonight!” 

There's a chorus of boo's and insults and a whole barrage of complaints, but Lapis flips them all off. “If you don't get out in 5 seconds, I will shut you fuckers inside here until morning.” 

That gets them going. 

She knows she's harming her business this way. 

She knows she's only giving her future self more shit to deal with tomorrow.

But she doesn't give a flying fuck. 

She just wants to kick everyone out and drink shitloads of whiskey and cry in her bar. Is that too much to ask for? 

“Hey Lapis,” Buck murmurs, looking up at her from the front door. “Do you want us to leave too?” 

Lapis flicks her wrist in the air. “Get home and get some sleep.” 

Her workers pile out, shutting the door behind them. When the bar finally clears, until nothing's left but broken bottles and glasses, leftover fries, a forgotten shoe, some random jackets lying around in the corners, and a stench she knows she won't be able to get out until the next morning, she locks the front door and plants herself across the counter, finishing the whiskey that she and Peridot were previously drinking. 

At the last cup, she throws herself on the DJ's seat and scoffs. “Never have I ever wished I was dead.” She tips the cup back and drinks. 

Then she leans over the side and pukes again. 

“Fuck me!” She screams, before looking up at the ceiling. “Okay, sorry, big man! I'm alive. I'm glad to be alive! But fuck you! You never cut me any slack, do you?!” She scoffs, before leaning back in her seat, eyes shut. 

She manages to doze off that night, on the DJ's seat, holding onto an empty cup and an empty bottle of whiskey. Yet, despite everything else, the last thing she sees before falling into a slumber, is Peridot's face before she kissed her. 

Happy. 

Bright.

_Alive._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just realized how shitty I'm treating Lapis in all my stories. But I love her. Ugh, it's so hard. In this chapter, you gotta admit, she was a little reckless though. Getting drunk and kissing Peridot was not supposed to be in the plan, nuh-uh.
> 
> By the way, the song I imagined in that dance scene was This Is What We Came For by Calvin Harris/Rihanna. I mean... those lyrics????!!!
> 
> Okie thanks for reading bye!  
> TELL ME WHATCHU THINK OF IT.


	5. Full Of Surprises

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we goooo!

Lapis purses her lips, staring at her soiled shirt in regret.

“What should I do? All I remember is pissing Peridot off and making a huge fucking fool of myself.” She sighs. “I drank so much, I passed out on Sour Cream's station. I still have a massive hangover and my uniform's gonna need multiple washes.”

Steven groans from the other end of the line. “Well, lucky for you, I have tonight free. I'll look after the bar for you, but you need to get your act together, Lapis. You've been acting all weird and unlike-yourself ever since you met that girl. You need to decide what you want.”

Lapis furrows her brows. “Why do people keep talking like I have a choice in this?”

“Look, all I'm saying is,” Lapis can practically feel Steven shrugging from the other end of the phone. “ _Maybe_ you should cut her off. Since Jasper's gonna be upset if you get with her, and being friends is not an option...”

“I'm not—” Lapis sighs. “I'm not _cutting_ her off. But I'll talk to her. Apologize. All that fun stuff.”

“Just be careful, Lapis.”

“I will, _dad_.” She pauses, before adding, “Thanks. For your help and your, um, y'know, understanding and all.”

Steven chuckles. “My best friend is in trouble. Of course I'd lend a hand.”

“Yeah.” Lapis smiles sadly. _He won't always be there to help you. Not once he's married._

“So, I'm guessing I'm gonna have to clean up all the grime before the bar opens too?”

Lapis shakes her head. “Nope, I took care of that when I woke up. Puke everywhere. It was nasty. I cleaned it best I could. There's still some lingering stench of old burritos or some shit but otherwise, it should be good.”

“Alright, that's good.” Steven sighs. “I'll see you when I see you then.”

Lapis nods, though she knows he can't see it. “Thanks again, Steven.”

When he hangs up, she stuffs her phone into her back pocket and heads to the kitchen. The light from the windows is making it unbelievably hard for her to navigate, considering every ray of sunlight is like a stab in the eye, but she doesn't wanna close the blinds in case darkness somehow manages to lull her to sleep again. Steven was right. She needs to get her shit together. The past few weeks have been nuts, and she's taken the brunt of the attack. She needs to do _something_. To make things right.

She grabs a bottle from one of the cabinets and dips two pills into the palm of her hand. Aspirins. They'll cool the hangover, albeit a little bit. She grabs a glass of water and swallows both in one go, before downing the drink in hand. Water has never tasted so good in her life. She's almost considering giving up alcohol entirely.

But fuck it, she's a bartender. How the hell can she resist?

She grabs her soiled uniform and throws them in the laundry, before snatching a blue vest to wear over her white shirt and denim jeans. With her hair combed back and her breath misty fresh, she charges down the stairs, puts on her helmet and gets on her bike, revving the engines a couple of times before taking off. The wind whips through her face like knives, but she loves the cool feel of it against her skin. It makes her feel free, y'know? Like she's flying. Her apartment isn't far from the bar, but the cyber cafe's a little ways off, so she passes the familiar black building with a neon overhead sign and takes a right turn two blocks down until she reaches that familiar dark edifice. It's taller than her bar, probably because there's a shop above the cyber cafe, but otherwise not any bigger.

She sets her motorcycle by the sidewalk and walks the rest of the way by foot, but she stops mid-way, because somebody's already standing outside of it. A familiar, short figure with cropped blonde hair, green hoodie, and oversized tinted sun-glasses. Lapis bites her tongue, petrified.

_It's now or never, Lazuli._

She puts her pride and her fears aside and takes a step forward. “Closing shop?” She asks softly.

Peridot stiffens at the voice, but she doesn't turn to see who had spoken. Obviously she already knows who it is. “Yeah,” She murmurs, turning the key to the front door before pulling it out. “Business is a bit slow today, so I told my guys to go home.”

Lapis nods in thought, shoving her hands into her back pockets. She feels her phone in there, but the feel of it digging into her fingers only serves to make her feel a little bit more confident. Maybe the pain's jolting her awake. “Where you headed now?”

Peridot remains silent for a moment, before shrugging. “Home, I guess.” She still doesn't turn to look at her.

“Right,” Lapis bites her lip. “So, um, I just—” She clears her throat. “I just wanted to say... last night went a little out of hand...”

Peridot stares down at her feet, her hand still clutched onto the doorknob, before shaking her head. “A little? Do you even remember what happened?”

Lapis hesitates. “Do you?”

“Yeah.”

“Yeah,” Lapis says. “Me too. Bits and pieces. I remember feeling like shit afterwards, I couldn't even—I didn't even make it home. I drank so much. Everything was just this blur of emotions—”

“Right.” Peridot says. “It was all the alcohol.”

Lapis flushes. “No, that's not what I meant—” She sighs, bowing her head down in frustration. “Look, I—I know I'm not the best at apologies, okay? I'm self-centered and egocentric and cruel, I get that. But I'm—I'm _trying_ here.”

Peridot finally glances in her direction, reaching up to take the sun-glasses off her face, though she keeps her gaze at her mouth, before looking away. After a moment of dense silence, she sighs, stepping away from the door to fully turn to the taller, blue-haired bartender. “Okay,” She murmurs. “Say what you need to say.”

Lapis doesn't know what to feel, relief that Peridot's giving her this chance or embarrassment that she even needed permission to have it. She scratches the back of her neck awkwardly, hand still shoved in her back pocket. “I, um,” She bites her lip. “I'm sorry. I'm a mess, I admit it. Life as a bartender isn't the greatest, especially when all you rely on are these friends who all have lives of their own. I mean, everyone I know is successful in some way and here I am, just this chick who owns a bar and who can't move on with her life because she thinks the odds are all stacked against her.” She sighs. “I got carried away. I wanted to get you drunk, I wanted you vulnerable. In the end, I ended up being the one who was way too exposed. I'm sorry.”

Peridot scrunches her brows together before finally looking up into her eyes. “You're successful too, you know. I mean, the Aqua Glass is the most popular bar in the city. People talk about it all the time, even my average group of customers. Maybe being a bartender wasn't what you had in mind as a kid, but you're making a living. That's something.”

Lapis shrugs. “Yeah,” She says. “I guess so. I just thought... I don't know. I thought I'd be somewhere else by now. Stable life, stable income, stable—” She pauses, licking her lips. “Stable relationships.”

Peridot nods. “Right.” She chuckles lightly before shrugging. “Look, I'm sorry too. I get it. I get why you don't want us to be together and all. I get the whole Jasper thing. It's just that—” She looks at the ground, blushing faintly. “I like you a lot, Lapis. And I know you like me too. We could be something great. I was just so frustrated that my _ex_ had to get in the middle of it all. There's a reason I broke up with her, you know?”

Lapis knows. She knows all too well. But that doesn't make it any easier to accept. Jasper is in love with Peridot. Lapis has never seen her so lovesick before. And if she took that away from her... Would she even still wanna be her friend? It'd be awkward, for one. But... If Jasper decided to break up their friendship because of it, then—

“But like I said,” Peridot raises her tiny hands in defeat. “I get it, you're just being a good friend. I'll stop pushing you.”

Lapis smiles lightly. “So, um,” She gestures to the sunglasses. “I'm assuming those aren't exactly for the skin-damaging UV rays of the day?”

Peridot laughs, shrugging. “You weren't the only one who was wasted last night. I could barely even get out of bed this morning.”

“How'd you even make it home?” Lapis asks teasingly.

Peridot grins, just slightly. “I'm a great navigator. Plus my phone's got a great GPS system.” She waves the little device in the air. “Maps the area, makes it all clear and great. Sufficed to say, it's pretty drunk-proof.”

“Fancy.” Lapis murmurs. “I gotta get me one of those.”

They share a short, strained laugh, and although part of the air is cleared, there's still that lingering feeling that both of them are holding onto something neither want to expose. And it's obvious what that is. If the sexual tension from last night hadn't followed them down this morning, then they're both incredibly overcharged with this energy that came from nowhere. Peridot still remembers the kiss. And Lapis is still _aching_ for it, despite everything else. Yeah, they've reconciled. Yeah, they're just 'friends'. But fuck it, there is so much sexual tension here, any random passerby would feel it.

“So,” Peridot throws her a crooked grin. The sight makes Lapis's heart do these stupid flips. She hates them and loves them at the same time. How cruel. “Jasper called this morning.”

Lapis blinks. “Did she now?”

Peridot nods. “A few times. It was the reason I woke up, since, y'know, I couldn't exactly set an alarm last night. The alcohol kind of stripped me of any usefulness.”

Lapis forces a laugh. “Right,” She turns away. “What did she say?”

“Why are you curious?”

“I don't know,” Lapis shrugs lamely. “Just wonderin' if she took the shot.”

“Took the shot?” Peridot laughs. “Well, she asked me out, if that's what you mean.”

Lapis is genuinely happy for Jasper.

And that's a big fucking lie, if you haven't yet noticed.

“What did _you_ say?”

Peridot purses her lips before saying, “I said I'll think about it. I said I wasn't sure how to feel about getting back together. I told her to wait.”

“Well, she's a great person,” Lapis mumbles, shoving her hands back into her back pockets. “She's big and strong and smart, and she can take her drinks. She's also really funny. And she's a _great_ cook, you should ask her to make you these little lobster baby dishes that taste like fucking heaven. She'll know what I'm talking about. She's also very smart. Did I say that already?” She snaps her fingers. “Shit.”

Peridot stares at her for a moment. “You're trying really hard to hook us back together.”

Lapis bites her lip. “I'm trying really hard to keep my friends, Peridot.”

“If she was really your friend, she'd be okay with whatever makes you happy.”

Lapis laughs. Once. “And if I were really _her_ friend, I'd be okay with whatever makes her happy too.”

Peridot's eyebrows scrunch together in confusion. She tips her chin up, hands buried in her hoodie, before releasing a short breath. She looks down at herself before sighing, pulling her hands out of her pockets and shaking her hoodie around. “Shit,” She murmurs.

Lapis raises an eyebrow. “What's wrong?”

“I left my keys in the building.” Peridot raises a fist and slams it against the door, but, of course, it doesn't budge.

Lapis shakes her head and takes a step forward. “But weren't you just—”

“The key I was using only works in closing the front door, not opening it. It's—It's stupid. Thunk thought it was smarter to have separate keys. To confuse thieves and shit.”

“What?” Lapis laughs, staring at Peridot with an expression of wild amusement. “That is the craziest thing I have ever heard.”

“It sounded _reasonable_ at the time.”

“Right, right, _sure_.” Lapis mock-rolls her eyes. “Well, don't you have a spare?”

Peridot sighs. “It's with Thunk. We're roomies. But he's back in Virginia visiting his family and my landlord doesn't get back till around 6 in the evening.”

Lapis grins. “So you're basically homeless?”

Peridot shoots her a look. “Why do you look like you're enjoying this?”

“Because you're a little shit,” Lapis's grin only widens. ”And this is a long time coming.”

Peridot makes a face. “Fuck you, Lazuli.”

Lapis laughs wildly, before combing her fingers through her blue hair. “Alright, well, it'd be in my good nature—”

“Good nature.” Peridot scoffs, rolling her eyes.

“—to invite you to stay at my place for a few hours until your landlord comes back.” Lapis waggles her finger in the air. “No witty comments, my dear, tiny, dorky friend. I'm the only thing saving you from a day on the streets.”

Peridot crosses her arms and looks her up and down, sizing her up. “I have other friends besides you, y'know.”

“Uh huh,” Lapis smirks. “Other friends who don't have a life on a bustling Sunday morning?” She checks the watch on her wrist (she's not wearing a watch), pretending to go over the time. “I bet half of them are still in bed snoozing their lights off right now.”

“First of all, you don't know my friends. Most of them are adventure-junkies who get up at 6 AM on Sundays to trek up a hill just for the sake of trekking up a hill.” Peridot huffs adorably, unintentionally making Lapis smile. “It wouldn't be hard to call one of them up right now and ask if I could join them. They'd be happy to have me.”

“Right, right,” Lapis nods thoughtfully. “Cause with that brilliant physique and love you have for the outdoors, I'm sure you'd be ecstatic to spend the entire day walking up a giant hill.” She shrugs. “It only makes sense.”

Peridot pulls a face. “I'll have you know I played softball when I was in high school.”

“What were you, the water-boy?”

“Pitcher.”

“Oh, fancy.” Lapis giggles. “And I thought that tattoo on your lower back was the most adventurous little Peridot Guntherson could get.”

Peridot blushes, though she's grinning. “I'm surprised _you_ don't have one of your own. It's the only thing breaking you from the stereotype.”

Lapis shrugs coolly. “Never found a reason to get one. It's so permanent, you know?” She thinks about it a moment, before saying, “Although I came close once.”

“Ooh,” Peridot coos. “I'm sure that comes with an interesting story.”

“Nah,” But Lapis is looking away. After a moment, she clears her throat and says, “So, you comin' back to my place or what? Like I said, I am a good-natured human being, so leaving you out here to fend for yourself is a little bit too cruel for my liking.”

“I think you just want my company.” It's an honest mistake on Peridot's part, given the flirtatious tone she takes on when saying this, but she only realizes it after she says it. Lapis glances at her quickly before looking away. She can't resist a good flirt. Goddammit.

“Maybe.” Lapis shakes her head, laughing. “Fuck, this is gonna be hard.”

Peridot doesn't say anything, though she keeps her eyes plastered on Lapis's face.

“Alright, come on.” Lapis tips her chin off at her bike. “Just standing out here in this heat is making the back of my knees sweat.”

“Ew.” Peridot murmurs, but she's smiling as she chases after Lapis.

They walk side-by-side till they get to the bike, where Lapis graciously offers her helmet to Peridot, who blatantly refuses. “The driver should be the most protected.” She says simply.

Lapis makes a face. Since when did anyone ever care about what happens to her? Lapis is the driver, she's responsible for Peridot's life. She keeps that in mind as she forces the helmet on Peridot's tiny head. The girl screams out in protest, but Lapis finds amusement in the way she's flailing her arms around like that. She chucks Peridot on the bike and revs the engine, which immediately causes Peridot to reach forward to latch her arms around Lapis's waist.

“Ready?” She shouts. She can feel Peridot nodding against her back, so she takes off.

It's a completely different feeling to ride on somebody's motorcycle sober as opposed to drunk. It's a lot more terrifying sober. It's a whole lot more intimate too. Peridot can feel every muscle twitch and bend and throb through the fabric of Lapis's shirt. And the feel of her check pressed against her back isn't all too discomforting either. Halfway through the ride, Peridot even finds herself enjoying it.

They get to the homily little apartment about ten minutes later. Lapis parks her bike directly outside before leading Peridot up a flight of stairs to the second floor.

“I actually don't remember a lot from when I was first here.” Peridot admits cheekily. “I mean, I was drunk the night before. And... When you led me out the next morning, we were kinda too busy staring at each other to really take anything else in.”

“Right,” Lapis chuckles shortly. “I remember bumping into my neighbor cause I was too busy staring at your ass.”

Peridot laughs. “And I was too busy staring at your eyes to register literally anything else about your apartment beyond the fact that it has a front door. And that was only cause you opened it to let me out.”

“Well, you'll see it now.” Lapis murmurs, pushing her front door open. “Welcome to my humble abode.”

Peridot takes a step in, and her eyes go wide with shock. “Wow,” She says, looking around. “This is—um, I'll admit, I wasn't expecting this.”

“What do you mean?” Lapis asks, taking her shoes and vest off before dumping them to one side.

“Well, for one,” Peridot clears her throat. “'Humble' my ass. This is a pretty pricey place. I mean, the space in this apartment is incredible. It looks like it could go on for miles. How many rooms do you have?”

“Just three.” Lapis sweeps her gaze through the room. She'd never noticed that it was so great before. “A bedroom and two bathrooms. The kitchen _could_ be counted as a room all in itself I guess, but it doesn't have a door. It's just an opening so—”

“I don't know _how_ I missed this when I first saw your place, but holy fuck, Lapis.” She whirls around and shoots her a crooked grin. “You're loaded.”

“What?” Lapis laughs. “No, I am not.”

“Lapis, I live in a tiny one-bedroom apartment with my large roommate. We share the rent and we still can't afford proper dinner every-night. He munches on take-out and I eat instant noodles on a daily basis.” Peridot shakes her head. “Do you _see_ the discrepancy?!”

Lapis shrugs. “Okay, so I admit, my bar's doing pretty good. My mom hasn't cut me off yet, so I have the family funds to account for the rest of my life.” She grins cheekily. “I'm a lucky gal.”

“Aw, fuck you with all your non-successful bullshit.”

“Wanna know the coolest part?”

Peridot narrows her eyes. “I don't even know if I wanna know.”

Lapis smirks. “Oh, you do.” She leans in, just slightly, hands clasped behind her back. “The bathtub comes with built-in water jets.”

“What?!” Peridot exclaims, taking a determined step forward. “Do you know how long I have been waiting to try bathtub water jets?! Do you know how many internet memes I've seen of bathtub water jets?! Those shits are pricey as hell. And pretty freaking hard to find.”

“They're also Mom's favorites.” Lapis says playfully. She tips her head off at her bedroom. “C'mon, I'll show you around.”

They make their way to Lapis's bedroom.

“By the way,” Peridot says, looking around. “You're surprisingly tidy.”

Lapis scoffs. “What is that supposed to mean? You just expect me to be some kind of slob?”

“Lapis, you're a bartender. You work late nights, and you're battling insomnia.” Peridot shoots her a wry smile. “ _Yeah_ , I'm assuming you're a little messy.”

Lapis blinks. “Good point.” She says. “But I like my shit organized. Messy floors just get to me.”

“Okay, well, remind me never to invite you to my place then.”

Lapis laughs. “Well, I mean, they get to me if it's _my_ shit crumpled all over the floor. It's cool however you choose to live, I don't judge. You've seen Jasper's place. It's fucking nuts.” She glances up at Peridot, just to see what she's up to, and in that immediate second, her heart burns like frostbite in her chest.

Peridot is looking at a photo-frame on a shelf she no longer looks at.

With a photo of her and a tall, beautiful peach-haired girl.

Lapis's face burns with embarrassment as she stumbles forward and grabs Peridot by the elbow. “So hey, get this, the bathroom connected to my bedroom is the only bathroom with a bathtub! So I get the built-in water jets all to myself. How cool is that?!”

She hears the front door opening after a jingling of keys. She stops in her tracks, looking up in mild confusion as the sound of heels clacking against the wooden floorboard of her apartment echoes down her room. She glances at Peridot, but her short friend's just as confused as she is. It can't be Steven. Why the hell would he be wearing _heels_? But he's the only one who has spare keys to her apartment. Well, him and—

Lapis's heart jumps up to her throat. _Oh no._

“Lapis? Lapis, darling, are you home?”

Lapis pales, racing out of the bedroom and arriving in the living room. “Mom?!” She exclaims, staring up at the tall, pale woman with dark hair and vibrant eyes hidden behind a pair of expensive sun-glasses. “What—What're you doing here?!” She stutters.

The woman smiles, though just slightly, before setting herself on one of the kitchen chairs. “Just thought I'd visit my favorite daughter.”

“I'm your _only_ daughter.”

“Exactly.” The woman giggles slightly, drawing her blue shawl closer around her head. “You never replied the e-mails or corresponded to my text messages, so I decided to drop by to hear it firsthand.”

Lapis sighs heavily, rubbing her temples with two fingers. “Hear _what_ firsthand?”

“Your response, darling, for the Winter Galla this weekend!”

Fuck. She forgot about that. The stupid Winter Galla that her family's constantly invited to. Mom always made her go, even when she made a reasonable excuse (“I have _work_ that weekend, ma!”) not to. Her exhaustion compels her to try the excuse again. Just for old time's sake.

“I have _work_ that weekend, ma.”

“What're you talking about? You're a bartender.” Her mom makes a face like she's sipping spoilt milk. “Just close it down a night, nobody's gonna cry about it.”

Lapis purses her lips together to keep from bursting out. Of course this happens today. Of course this happens this week! She hears a light cough from behind her, and instantly, she whirls around. “Oh shit—”

“Lapis. _Language_.”

“Sorry, sorry,” Lapis raises her hands in defense before reaching out to drag Peridot out of her hiding spot behind the closet. “Ma, this is my—” She furrows her brows. “—friend, Peridot. Peridot, this is my mother.”

The tall woman stands up before reaching forward to grasp Peridot's tiny hand. It's like watching an ant shake hands with a giraffe. “Blueberry Diamon Lebedev. But just call me Blue.” Her mother says graciously.

Peridot blushes, before stuttering, “Peridot Guntherson. Um, my friends call me Per?”

Lapis shoots her a look before rolling her eyes. “Anyways, ma, like I said, I have work that weekend. I won't be able to—”

“Oh, and there's this _boy_ you _must_ meet.” Her mother gushes, staring down at her phone in awe. “Here, I have a photo. He's that Duchess's son. You know, the tall, dashing one? The one with blue eyes and blonde hair? He's a keeper, that one. Grew up to be _quite_ the man.”

Lapis bites her lip, inwardly groaning and screaming and shouting and whining. She glances at Peridot, who stares up at her with mix amusement and pity. In a hushed whisper, she leans in and says, “I know what it's like having a mom who wants to control every aspect of your life.”

Lapis chuckles, rolling her eyes. “Does your mom set you up on blind dates with boys she wants you to instantly marry too?”

“No, she's given up on me in the romance department.” Peridot shrugs. “ _But_ she does want me to quit my job and start up law school or something. She thinks owning a cyber cafe is 'inadequate' and 'uncouth'.”

Lapis smirks. “Peridot Guntherson, you are the epitome of uncouth.”

Peridot pretends to pop her non-existent collars. “You know it.”

In that moment, Lapis's mother turns back to them with bright eyes and a bright smile. “He said yes!” She exclaims excitedly. “He wants you to be his date this weekend!”

Lapis flushes, turning away in pure horror. “Fuck,” She whispers, soft enough for her mom not to catch it. “Mom, I really don't think—”

“Imagine it, Lapis! You'll _finally_ be with somebody who'd want to marry you and spend the rest of his life with you—”

“Mom, I can't go to the Galla with this blonde boy I don't remember.” Lapis blurts out, facing her mom straight-on.

Her mom raises a perfectly-plucked eyebrow before leaning back in her seat. “And why not, dear?”

Lapis bites her lip. She glances at Peridot, but quickly turns her gaze back to her mother. “Because—” Oh fuck it. “Because Peridot's my girlfriend and she's gonna be my date this weekend.”

Lapis can practically _feel_ Peridot's wide green eyes drilling into the side of her head, but she forces her gaze to remain on her mom. Because she knows if she breaks contact, her mom'll see right through her bluff, and she'll call her out.

“She's your girlfriend?” Her mom asks, narrowing her gaze. “But you said she was just your _friend_.”

Lapis clears her throat. “Well, Mom, the last time I introduced you to a girlfriend, you weren't exactly jumping in your heels.” She scratches the back of her neck. “I just thought you'd prefer it if I used a safer term.”

Her mom sighs, rubbing her temples. “Lapis, how many times have I told you that I wanted you to be honest with me? Whether or not I like the truth is irrelevant to the moment. I stress _honesty_ , above all else.”

“I know, Mom.”

“Good.” She just barely glances at Peridot, who shrivels underneath her gaze, before standing up. “Well,” She dusts herself off. “That's all I came to say. I just wanted to make sure you were aware of the Galla this weekend. It starts at 7 on a Saturday. _Don't_ be late, Lapis.”

“Aye, aye, ma.” Lapis mock-salutes, before bowing. “I'll wear my prettiest dress.”

Her mom rolls her eyes, but she smiles along. “You better.”

“Drive safe!” Lapis calls out as she walks out the door, waving. When the door slams shut, she turns to Peridot, who remains silent in her spot. “Um—”

Peridot waits a beat, before turning to face her. “ _Girlfriend_ , huh?”

Lapis flushes. “I panicked.”

“Yeah,” Peridot laughs. “I could tell.”

“I _really_ don't wanna go out with this blonde guy I don't remember.”

“That would be bad for the press. Can you imagine?” Peridot looks up at her with wide eyes. “That young, hot bartender from Aqua Glass turning out _not_ to be gay? Fuck, it'd be a devastation.”

Lapis nods sadly. “All those broken hearts. Can't have that.”

Peridot shoves her playfully on the shoulder before rolling her eyes. “So was that all for show? Or do I actually have to show up?”

Lapis shrugs, rubbing her left arm shyly with her right. “Well, Mom knows you're coming now. So she's gonna add you to the list. Plus, if you don't show up, she's gonna make me dance with this blonde guy anyways, so—”

“So I _do_ have to go.”

“Consider it a friendly invitation,” Lapis smiles teasingly. “It's free dinner.”

Peridot gasps. “And who'd say no to free dinner?! Certainly not me—” She points to her chest. “—mayor of the freeloaders!”

Lapis grins. “So you'll do it then? You'll come with me?!”

“ _Don't_ get so excited, Lazuli. I'm only doing you a solid favor.” Peridot takes a step back and crosses her arms over her chest. Lapis shamelessly lets her gaze stay on her breasts for a moment too long. “If you wanna take me out on a date, you're gonna have to do better than just free dinner.”

Lapis's grin stretches. “Fucking flirt.”

Peridot laughs, nodding her head. “Speak for yourself.” She digs in her pocket and pulls out a wallet and a set of keys. “Guess I'm gonna have to buy myself something fancy. I don't think this Galla will cater to people who arrive in old hoodies and sweatpants.”

Lapis stares at the keys in her hand, eyes narrowed. “I thought you locked your keys in the store.”

Peridot grins. “And I thought you just wanted to be 'friends',” She laughs cheekily, turning to walk out the door. “We're all full of surprises today, aren't we?”

Lapis stares as she goes, bewildered, before she breaks into a face-splitting smile.

_ This girl is just... something else. _

Peridot sets her hand on the doorknob and looks over her shoulder. “So Saturday at 7?” 

Lapis chuckles. “I'll pick you up at 6:30.” 

Peridot instantly shakes her head. “We are not arriving to a Galla on your motorcycle. Even  _ I _ have more etiquette than that. I'll take Thunk's car. I'm sure he wouldn't mind.” 

“Yeah?” Lapis shrugs, smiling. “Alright then.”

“I'll be wearing something spiffy.” 

“Yeah, you better. I'm expecting a corsage.”

“This isn't _prom,_ Lapis.”

“No,” Lapis grins. “But you're getting me a corsage anyways.” 

Peridot can only smile in response, before she shuts the door and makes her way downstairs. 

Lapis waits a beat, listening to the soft tap of feet against the wood, before she throws herself on the sofa with a huff, hair falling wildly all over her face. 

_ Oh my God, _ She thinks, grinning childishly.  _ What the fuck am I doing to myself? _

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like I said last chapter, I am currently on a holiday with my sibs in Melbourne. And in exactly four hours (it's like 1 AM now) we are going to leave to this place called FallsCreek WHERE WE'RE GONNA SNOWBOARD AND SKI. It'll be my first time seeing/touching real snow so I'm hella excited! But it also means I won't be able to write and stuff. So... No content for a few days, I'm afraid. Hopefully I'll post the next chapter on Tuesday or Wednesday! 
> 
> On the bright-side, this Galla should be terribly interesting. Lot of fun stuff prepared. Hoo-zah!


	6. Winter Gala

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fuck guys, I'm so wasted but don't worry I wrote this chapter before I got drunk out of my mind.

The greatest time of the day is the night. It's a magical mist of darkness and wonder, cloaked in sparks that illuminate the city with wanderlust and desire, shadowed by things unwanted and unseen, haunted by the silence that whispers in your ear. It's a beautiful time, nothing else can quite compare. But like many things beautiful, it's equally as dangerous.

Silence brings in thoughts.

Thoughts bring in memories.

Memories bring in forgotten emotions.

Lapis has never quite encountered a feeling so poignant, so powerful, as the one that's tackling her down now. Her feet thump heavily against the ground, breath raspy and uneven, body damp with sweat and hair pulled tightly at the back of her head. She shuts her eyes for a millisecond, but the images flash through the dark like lightning, shocking her into a wave of memories.

_What about this?_

_It's blue, Lapis. You'd pull it off so much better than I ever could._

_Seriously? You're nuts. You could pull off anything._ Anything. 

Lapis takes a breath, but her body's protesting. Every step forward is like a jab to her chest, agonizing and painful, but she loves it all the same. What a feeling to be pushing, to be racing, to be alive. 

_Lapis, you look beautiful._

_My dear, you're the beautiful one._

_No, I'm serious._ _You're a mess and you hate dressing up but when you do—_

Lapis coughs, the lukewarm air wafting through her lungs as she hears her laugh echoing through the streets.

_You're more beautiful than all the city lights combined._

_You're such a sap._

_You love it._

_I love_ you. 

Lapis stops running, pressing a hand against a brick wall as she leans over to catch her breath. Her body is aching with pain, but there's no other feeling that can quite compare to the sores of a good workout. Unfortunately, these workouts normally end with Lapis crawling back home on her knees after pushing her body way past the limit because of memories that haunt her every time she puts on her running shoes. She pulls herself upright and releases a breathy laugh, before checking her watch. 

It's a quarter to 9, which means she has just enough time to get home, shower, put on some mellow music and start calculating this month's overdue rent. She looks up at the sky, eyes slanted and unfocused, as the memories continue reeling through her mind. 

She doesn't know why it happens. It just does. 

Every time she runs, the only thing she can think about is  _her_ .

She reaches up to wipe a few stray drops of sweat from her forehead, before prepping herself for the run back home. As her body takes off, her mind kicks into overdrive, until the only sound she can hear is her own breathing, and the only thing she can see is  _her_ face back when she still belonged to Lapis.

* * *

 

_I'll be there in 5 minutes! Wait for me by the curb :)_

Lapis stares at the text for a moment, fidgeting with the ribbon over the back of her neck, before sighing and dropping her phone back into her little white bag. Why is she so nervous? She's biting her lip, checking her phone every 2 minutes, fidgeting in her skin-tight white dress that cuts off at the knees, playing with her hair... This feels like prom. But worse! Because she's 26, she should be over this!

She stares at her heels and wiggles her toes. She hasn't felt this way in a long time. It's... kind of a refreshing feeling. To be nervous and flustered and just... excited for how shit's gonna turn out. This isn't just another Gala with her insufferable mother and her equally-as-insufferable crowd of friends.

It's a Gala where she's going with Peridot Guntherson, the woman who's turned her whole life upside down in the span of a few weeks.

She hears the sound of a car making its way down her street, and in an instant, she's raised her head, straightened her posture and prepared herself for the incoming Hyundai rolling up next to the curb. It's a sleek white car with pretty features, one that even Lapis admits to finding very attractive. She folds her bag behind her back and waits, knee bent to one side, as the figure inside the car opens the door and steps out.

“Ms. Lazuli,” She says, her voice an inviting sound. “Your carriage has arrived.”

And through the night, Lapis can't quite make out how Peridot looks like because of the darkness that cloaks her features, but the second Peridot steps into the light streaming through the headlights, every nerve in Lapis's body freezes over in panic. She takes a flustered step backwards and says, “Fuck, you clean up good.”

Peridot blinks, before turning away, blushing. She scratches the back of her neck. “T-Thank you,” Crap, why is she so adorable? “I, um—Admittedly, I didn't have enough cash to buy my own suit so I had to rent one.” She gestures to the white dress shirt, black suspenders and slacks. “It was the only one in my size.”

Lapis bites her lip. “You look—” _Really fucking cute._ “—great. I mean, there are a few people in this world who can pull off wearing a suit while still possessing a vagina. You're clearly one of them.”

Peridot grins, and it's a toothy grin, the toothy kind that's cute and awkward and nerdy and beautiful all at the same time. Lapis wants to shoot herself in the head at the very thought. “You, um, you look great yourself, Lazuli. Very—” She pauses, her gaze drifting down the length of her skin-tight dress, before she swallows. Loudly. “—nice.”

Lapis can't help but blush. “Well,” She murmurs, tucking a stray strand of blue hair behind her ear. “Mom always did say I could look good if I wanted to.”

“Lapis, you always look good. Tonight's just an extra bonus.”

Lapis blushes even more, but she forces it away with a laugh. “So, you gonna invite me in your fancy car or are you just gonna leave me out here like some damsel in distress?”

Peridot laughs. “We both know you'd never be the damsel in distress.” She takes a step forward and opens the door to the passenger seat, before bowing. “My lady.”

Lapis brushes past her, but she lets herself touch Peridot gently in the arm before setting herself in the car. The leather seats plush together at her sides. She likes the feeling. “Aren't you gracious?”

Peridot shoots her a look. “My mom always said I could be charming if I wanted to.”

Lapis holds her gaze. “Peridot, you're always charming. Tonight's just an extra bonus.”

And then Peridot grins, so alluringly, so beautifully, that Lapis has to hold her breath as she shuts the door beside her. She wrings her fingers over her lap, shutting her eyes and repeating a short chant in her head to cool down her jumping nerves. She's nervous, she admits it. Because she's willingly going on a date with Peridot Guntherson fully conscious of what could go wrong, fully conscious of the consequences. And yet she doesn't care. She's nervous, but she's hella excited.

Peridot joins her in the driver's seat before she pulls the car off the curb and drives into the highway. The ride is slow and comforting, and beyond the music playing through the speakers, Lapis is thoroughly enjoying the sound of Peridot's voice rambling on about how shitty she is at public gatherings and how she hates the little dishes they serve (“How can a burger the size of a pinky serve to fill someone's stomach? It's insane!”) and how awkward she is at talking to anybody who is above and below her age. Lapis leans against the window, watching Peridot with hazy, unblinking eyes.

She likes the way Peridot's lips curve up at the very mention of music.

She likes the way Peridot's eyes sparkle at the slight provocation of food.

She likes the way Peridot's expression morphs into one of utter exhilaration at the very thought of spending a night away from her usual life, away from whatever it is that's binding her to sorrow.

Lapis can't help it. She finds herself liking everything about this girl tonight.

“Hey bartender, you alright? You look a little distracted there.” Peridot glances at her from the corner of her eye and smirks. “To think we haven't even had our drinks yet and you're already all over me.”

Lapis bites her lip, willing herself to do anything but flirt back. “Can't help myself, Guntherson.” She muses playfully. “A girl likes a shortie in a suit.”

Well, guess she failed.

Peridot chuckles lightly. “Careful, bartender.” She murmurs lowly. “You never know what can happen in a Gala when you're with an overexcited gamer in suspenders.”

Lapis licks her lips and smiles. “I'd like to find out.” Why the fuck is she flirting? Oh yeah, cause it's her defense mechanism for literally everything that scares her in the world.

Peridot grins, but she doesn't say anything back. After a moment, she drives the car to a stop next to a big, fancy building down an unfamiliar street. To Lapis, however, the street is irredeemably familiar, as well as unenjoyable. This place has a stench of rich people. And despite the fact that she enjoys spending money, she doesn't enjoy the people who own them. She gets out of the car with Peridot at tow, and together they make their way up the grand stairs outside and into the large mansion-like edifice.

Peridot clears her throat, shoving her hands into the pockets of her slacks. “So your mom's like the VIP?”

Lapis shakes her head. “My dad was, before he passed. He's this Russian elite who's paid his way to the top. Mom just likes the attention and crowd. Plus she's really good at getting literally anyone she wants into her little sphere of influence. She's tricky like that.”

“Sounds familiar.” Peridot muses, throwing Lapis a lazy grin.

Lapis laughs. “I do take after mother dearest, after all.”

“Hold on. You said your dad was a Russian elite?”

“Yup.”

Peridot stops, staring up at Lapis with mild bemusement. “You're—You're half-Russian?”

Lapis blinks, before the corner of her lip quirks upwards in a smirk. “There's so much you don't know about me, stranger.” With a chuckle, she nudges her toe against Peridot's shiny office shoe and races up the stairs. “Catch me if you can, nerd!”

Peridot brightens like a light bulb. “ _Try_ it, clod!” And then she's running after her.

They make it to the top of the stairs seconds later, huffing out puffs of hot air as they bend over the railings trying to catch their breaths. Lapis presses her palm against Peridot's heaving back and laughs. “You're faster than you look, stranger!”

Peridot smiles with one eye closed and says through ragged breathing, “Just—don't—make—me—do—that—again.”

Lapis giggles and nods. “Gotcha.” She straightens, letting her gaze sweep through the expanse of gold and black and white surrounding them around the top floor. A set of stairs in front of them curves downwards into the main hall, where a bunch of posh, elite folk already seem to be mingling about, exchanging talk, dressed in their little penguin suits, looking incredibly stupid and boring. Lapis wants to strut up to them half-naked and do the running man just for the hell of it.

But what would her mom think?

Bye bye, family funds.

“Ms. Guntherson,” Lapis murmurs, extending a hand. “I'd like to use this time to formally thank you for agreeing to participate in this drab, boring shit event with me.” She says it mockingly, but the sincerity is there.

Peridot, in turn, shoots her a wry smile, straightening up and placing her hand atop Lapis's extended one. “Why, Ms. Lazuli,” She bows. “It's my pleasure. There's no one else I'd spend my time suffering with.”

With their hands still together, Lapis leads Peridot down the set of stairs and onto the main hall. A group of tall middle-aged men flocks to Lapis's side, asking her how her mother's been and what life has been like after her father's passing. Peridot occupies herself by counting the number of buttons they have stitched onto their suits altogether. By the end of the conversation, Peridot's amassed an impressive amount of 46. Who the _fuck_ wants so many buttons on their suits? Peridot's completely fine with the five buttons on hers.

“And who's your friend, Lapis?” One of them asks, jolting Peridot out of her—incredibly satisfying—button-counting state.

Another one saddles up next to her. “Yeah, who's this?”

Peridot squirms beneath their gazes. Why do rich men always look so... authoritative?

Lapis clears her throat. “Gentlemen,” She says, gesturing to Peridot. “This is my girlfriend, Peridot Guntherson. Girlfriend, these are the bastards who stole from my dad five years ago.”

And suddenly they're laughing, and even though Lapis is laughing too, she's giving them all the stink eye from behind a mask of nonchalance.

“You're so funny, Lapis.”

“Your dad would be proud of you.”

Lapis smiles falsely. “Have a great evening, gentlemen.” And then she grabs Peridot's elbow and drags her away, leading her to the refreshments table located at the corner of the room. “Fuck, I hate those guys.”

Peridot laughs, wrapping an arm around her waist and pulling her in. “Yeah, I could tell. They sure couldn't take the hint though, could they?”

Lapis shrugs, leaning into her touch. “They've always been like that. They embezzled Dad of millions back in the day, but right before he passed, he told them he forgave them. Ever since then, they've been making light of what happened.” She sighs. “Dad's always been a softie. I knew it'd be his downfall.”

Peridot sucks in a breath. “Yikes,” She murmurs, crossing her arms. “Family politics.”

“Oh, you have no idea.” Lapis shakes her head. “Sometimes I hate being part of the upper society. Some of the shit that goes on within the _family_ can be seriously traumatizing.”

Peridot looks over her shoulder at the tray of mini-burgers and reaches over to grab one. “Here,” She says, letting it float in front of Lapis's mouth. “Food always helps a boiling temper.”

Lapis raises a skeptical eyebrow. “Maybe for you.”

Peridot narrows her gaze. “Fine.” She sets the mini-burger back down before raising a crooked hand at a waiter standing a few feet away. The waiter comes scurrying by as fast as possible, and Peridot, being the smooth motherfucker she is, grabs two champagne glasses sitting atop the tray she's carrying and hands one to Lapis. “Alcohol will have to do.”

Lapis bites her lip, willing herself not to smile. She grabs the champagne glass from the blonde girl's fingers and raises it to her lips, but she doesn't drink it, not until Peridot does. She watches the way Peridot's bottom lip purse outwards when she's drinking, the way her eyes flutter close when she's savoring, the way her throat thickens and stretches when she's swallowing. Lapis gulps.

What the fuck, she's so into this girl.

She downs the champagne and places the glass on the refreshments table. From the corner of her eye, she sees a shock of long, blue hair sweep through the golden floors of the room. “Crap,” She whispers, turning away.

Peridot looks concerned. “What's wrong?”

“It's my mom. She saw me. She's coming this way and I _really_ don't wanna deal with her shit tonight.” Peridot starts looking around for her aforementioned mother, but Lapis quickly grabs her by the wrist. “ _Don't_ look at her. She's like Medusa, the second you look her in the eye, you're a goner.”

Peridot shoots her a defeated look. “You're forgetting I already met her once before, and I looked her in the eye, and I'm still standing.”

Lapis sighs. “It's different when she's here. She's all dressed up and—and it's like she's this alien with mad persuasive powers. I can't explain it.”

“I think you're over-exaggerating it.” Peridot says.

Lapis frowns. “You don't know my mom like I do. She's a fucking savage.”

“Her daughter must take after her.”

“Oh, if you think I'm hardcore, you're gonna be screwed when my mom arrives—”

“Lapis, my dear!”

Lapis's face loses all color. She turns around, ever so slowly, to face the looming woman cladded in a fancy black dress that exposes her back, hips and thigh, eyes dead set on her sparkling face with a crooked smile in place. “Mom,” She croaks, fidgeting. “I thought we agreed _not_ to interact tonight.”

“Don't be ridiculous, Lapis.” She tucks a long strand of braided hair behind her ear, and for some reason, the very action alone causes a group of men to stare unabashedly at her glorious figure from a pointed distance away. “You're my _daughter_. I'm allowed to talk to my daughter whenever I wish to.”

“Right.” Lapis glances at Peridot, who seems to be too preoccupied with staring up at Blue in shameless awe to return the favor, before turning back to her mom. “How can I help you, mom? I'm kind of with my date at the moment.”

Blue grins. “Of course!” She turns to Peridot with her hands extended. “It's great to see you again, Ms. Guntherson.”

Lapis purses her lips. “Wow mom, I had no idea you were capable of remembering her name.”

Blue shoots her a sharp glare, and Lapis can't help but flinch. “Watch your tone, Lapis, dear.”

Peridot works her jaw before stuttering out an almost-undecipherable, “G-Good to see you too, Ms. Lebedev.” They shake hands briefly before Peridot pulls away. “You, um, you look great tonight.”

Blue brightens like the sun on a bright Summer morning. That is, until Peridot adds, “Almost as great as your beautiful daughter.”

Lapis whips her gaze to her, bewildered. Did she really just—

A moment of silence stretches in between the three of them. And Lapis swears, she can just hear the bomb inside of her mom's head go _boom_.

“Well,” Blue claps her hands together, and maybe it's just Lapis's imagination, but suddenly her pale cheeks kind of look flushed with embarrassment. “I'll leave you kids to it. Lapis, I'll see you at the end of the party. You _know_ the Duchess wants to see you before the night ends.”

“Of course,” Lapis shoots her a grin. “Bye, mom.”

And then she's gone. And Lapis is fucking confused and happy and light-headed. She turns to Peridot with an eyebrow raised. “ _Almost as great as your beautiful daughter_?”

Peridot laughs, shoving her hands in her pockets. “I'll admit, your mom's a stunner. Even at her age, she can turn heads at any direction.” She pauses, taking a moment to stare sheepishly down at her shoes, before lifting her gaze up to meet Lapis's. “But she's nothing compared to the woman I came with.”

Lapis's heart is beating crazily inside her chest. What the fuck is with this feeling? She can die happy right here and now. “You're—You're probably the first person who ever caught her off-guard like that.”

“Yeah?” Peridot grins. “Do I get brownie points for merely stating the truth?”

Lapis nudges her with her hip. “Fuck off, stranger.” She turns around and grabs a mini-burger. “Let's start snacking. I could go for a pick-me-up before we start dancing.”

Peridot pales. “Hold on.” She shakes her head. “We have to _dance_?”

Lapis raises an eyebrow. “It's a Gala, Peridot. What else do you expect rich people to do?”

Peridot frowns. “I don't know! Not move, maybe? Eat a lot, spend money... But _dancing_?”

“It's a tradition.” Lapis munches on a kebab. “Chill, we can have like one slow-dance and call it a night. Mom just wants me to show the people I respect the tradition. That goes for my _girlfriend_ too.”

“Meaning me?”

Lapis doesn't have to listen hard to catch it, but there's an edge to Peridot's voice that wasn't there before. Maybe all this flirting really is bad for them. Lapis swallows a nacho dipped in truffle oil, before whirling around to face her. “Do you regret coming here tonight?”

Peridot makes a face, and she fidgets in her little white dress shirt and suspenders. “No,” She whispers. “I just—I don't know. I'm suddenly in this big part of your life and... it's all a lie.”

Lapis's heart skips a beat. “It's not _all_ a lie.” She takes Peridot's hand and squeezes it. “Not—Not everything.”

Peridot looks up at her and Lapis holds her gaze. For a long moment, neither of them say a thing, until Lapis decides to clear her throat.

“Let's dance, Ms. Guntherson.”

Peridot bites her lip. “Fine.” She whispers. “But if I step on your toes, it's on you.”

Lapis smiles. “My toes will forgive you.” She grabs Peridot's wrist and slowly drags her out onto the crowded dance-floor. They brush past old and young couples alike, dancing and laughing and swaying to the beat. Lapis stops at the center before wrapping her slim arms around Peridot's waist and pulling her in. “Relax.” She says to her in a soft voice. “You're all stiff.”

Peridot hesitates. “Sorry. I'm just—I'm not used to dancing like this. I've never been big on dancing.”

“Yeah, I kinda got that.” Lapis muses. “But hey, there's a first for everything. You made my mom all embarrassed tonight, so I'm gonna return the favor.” She leans in and says, “Let me be your first dance partner, Peridot Guntherson.”

Peridot can't help but grin. “When you say it like that, Lapis Lazuli...”

Lapis shuts her eyes, pressing her forehead against Peridot's. The music is lovely. It's a slow melody, orchestrated by a live band at one corner of the room. It's slow and steady and beautiful and haunting. Lapis opens her eyes and sighs. “That's not my full name.”

Peridot blinks. “What?”

“Lapis Lazuli isn't my full name. It's actually my first name.” She smiles cheekily. “Surprise?”

Peridot pulls away in astonishment. “Wait, _what?!”_ She narrows her eyes. “How do I not know this?! I've—I've been calling you Lazuli for months now. Who names their child two names as their first name?!”

Lapis shrugs. “Ask Dad. He was big on the whole two-names-as-a-first-name thing.” She pauses, before adding, “Well, I mean, you _can't_ ask him. So I guess the secret kinda died with him.”

“So,” Peridot scrunches her brows and shakes her head. “What's your full name?”

“Lapis Lazuli Lebedev.”

“That's—” Peridot's eyes widen. “That's your mom's last name.” She snaps her fingers together. “So _that's_ why she didn't have a Lazuli! You're the only one with Lazuli!”

Lapis has to admit, Peridot's enthusiasm is really adorable. “Guilty.”

“Goddamn it, Lapis.” She laughs. “I won't be able to go back and call you Lebedev now. You're always gonna be Lazuli to me.”

“Yeah?” Lapis shrugs, leaning in closer. “Well, maybe I like it that way.”

Peridot's grin dissolves into a sweet smile. She tightens her hold around Lapis's shoulders and pulls her in. “My, my, Lapis Lazuli. Look at that face.”

“Shut up.” Lapis murmurs. “You're wearing the same expression.”

Peridot looks into her eyes and her smile stretches. The music continues on for a moment, with the two swaying harmoniously to the melody of the instruments, gaze locked, body intertwined, thoughts colliding, until Peridot slides her hand down Lapis's shoulder to her hip, and she runs her thumb along the exposed skin on her back. Lapis shuts her eyes, shivering. Peridot does it again, but now with both hands. It becomes so much that Lapis is forced to disentangle herself for a moment before wrapping her arms around Peridot's neck and pulling her so close their cheeks brush together.

“Fuck, Peridot.” She whispers. “Don't fucking seduce me in the middle of a crowded dance-floor.”

Peridot laughs, her breath tickling Lapis's ear. “I'm just returning the favor, Lapis.”

Of course, she means that night at the Aqua Glass when they basically made out in the middle of the dance-floor.

Lapis rolls her eyes. “It's _kind_ of different when your mom is in the room.”

“True,” Peridot shrugs. “Could be kinda hot too.”

“Uncouth, Peridot Guntherson. Incredibly uncouth.” Lapis says.

Peridot laughs, tightening her hold around her waist. She waits a beat, letting her fingers dance around the skin on her back. “You're really beautiful, Lapis.” She whispers, so softly and so gently that it tickles and caresses the skin in Lapis's ear. “When I first saw you, I never thought I'd ever see a woman so beautiful again. And it was true.” She pauses, taking a breath. “Until I saw you tonight.”

Lapis is suddenly finding it very hard to breathe. The feel of Peridot's body against hers is the most comfortable she's been in a long time, and yet everything out of Peridot's mouth is making her feel like an awkward teenager again, trying to deal with the fact that this hot gamer actually has... _feelings_ for her. Her emotions are in complete disarray right now. “Peridot—”

“I'm thankful you invited me here tonight.” She says. “I'm thankful that I get to see this side of your life that—that not many other people get to see. Lapis, I—” She pauses, biting her lip. “I _really_ like you.”

Lapis blinks. She withheld from using the L word. Lapis could tell.

She did it to spare Lapis of that choice.

And then Peridot laughs. “Fuck, I'm a mess. You're all I think about, all I dream about. When I get a text, I hope it's from you. When I see some random blue-haired chick pass me in the streets, I imagine it's you. _Fuck_ , Lapis, I haven't felt this way in—” She pauses. “—In a _long_ time.”

“Peridot—”

“And I know Jasper's still a problem and maybe you're not ready and I'm being way too invasive right now but you can't _deny_ that there's something between us—”

“Peridot—”

“And _fuck_ , I rented this suit for you! I've never worn a suit in my entire life! I arrived in my high school prom dressed in a hooded button-up T-shirt and jeans. This is a _first_ for me.”

“ _Peridot_.”

Peridot pulls away, eyes wide. “What?!”

Lapis smiles softly. “You're dancing.”

Peridot blinks. “What?”

Lapis looks down at their bodies, pressing their foreheads together. “You're dancing, stranger. You're dancing well too. You haven't even stepped on my toes yet.”

Peridot flushes, glancing down at their bodies in shock. “I'm—” She blushes. “Oh. That's—That's great.”

“Better than great. And imagine,” Lapis muses. “Neither of us are even under the influence of alcohol tonight.”

Peridot chuckles before shrugging. “Guess we don't need alcohol to be drunk anymore, huh?”

Lapis licks her lips and says, “Let's go somewhere.”

“What?”

“We've been dancing for at least two songs now, I think we've filled our quota.” And then Lapis pulls away and smiles. “Let's go.” She grabs Peridot's wrist and leads her away from the crowd of dancing rich people.

Peridot blushes. “To where?”

“Anywhere. Everywhere.” Lapis laughs. “What, you don't like mystery?”

“Oh I _love_ mystery,” Peridot chuckles nervously. “This is just so sudden and unknown.”

Lapis rolls her eyes. “Look up the definition of mystery, stranger.” She pauses at the bottom of a set of stairs tucked in between two large pillars at one corner of the room. She turns to Peridot with a smile. “Ready?”

Peridot blushes. “Um,” She scratches the back of her neck and shrugs. “Sure.”

“Great.” Lapis kisses her on the cheek and takes off. “Catch me if you can, nerd!”

Peridot stands there, bewildered and awe-struck, as her cheeks burn with desire. She straightens, pulls herself together, and pushes her body forwards up the set of stairs. “Lapis!” She calls out, tripping on her feet at least twice before arriving on the top floor. “Goddamn it, I'm not built for this!”

Lapis laughs from a few meters ahead. “I thought you were the star pitcher in your high school baseball team, Peridot.”

Peridot shoots her a look. “Pitchers don't _run_ , Lapis!”

Lapis giggles, running off again, and Peridot is forced to chase after her, and despite the fact that she's running short of breath and she's sweating and her body's aching—Fuck, she's having fun. She never knew chasing could be so exhilarating.

… But maybe it's just because it's Lapis whom she's chasing after.

They come to a stop in front of an open window shadowed by a high ceiling. The lights are dimmed in this area of the building, but because they're standing on a balcony overlooking the entire main hall, the light from the dance-floor manages to illuminate the corridor well enough. Peridot takes a step forward towards where Lapis is lounging, arms draped over the balcony as her gaze sweeps through the expanse of the room, before Peridot bends over trying to catch her breath, hand pressed harshly against the center of the chest.

“Are—we—done—running—yet?”

Lapis glances at her and chuckles, reaching out to take her by the elbow. She pulls her in and hugs her, a sentiment that takes Peridot completely by surprise. But the feeling of Peridot's chest heaving up and down against Lapis's is... comforting. Comforting and sensual, both at the same time.

Peridot blushes. “Um—”

“You've made my night magical.” Lapis whispers.

Peridot winces, just slightly, before her body loosens in Lapis's embrace. “That was my initial intention, bartender.”

“I just—I just wanted you to know that.” Lapis sighs. “I've always hated these stupid Winter Galas. My mom makes them out to be such a big deal, but at the end of the night the only thing I get from this is a headache and some bad family memories.” She hesitates, before saying, “But you've somehow made tonight worthwhile. And for that, I owe you so much.”

Peridot shifts in her touch. “Lapis?”

Lapis pulls away, staring down at the shorter girl with expectancy.

Peridot returns her gaze, and says, “I think you should kiss me.”

_Fuck._ Lapis shuts her eyes, but her body's responding without her mind's consent. She's leaning forward, ever so slowly, and from within Lapis's arms, she can feel Peridot leaning upwards to meet her. 

They inch closer, second by second, minute by minute, until Lapis can feel Peridot's breath on her lips. 

“Lapis?” 

_That voice._

Lapis pulls away, eyes wide with panic and alarm, and she whirls around only to watch as a slim silhouette emerge from the shadows a few feet in front of them. Her words get congested in her throat as she tears herself away from Peridot's touch. 

_Fuck._

“Lapis,” The girl repeats, stepping into the light of the ballroom. Her peach hair glimmers in the light, which isn't a surprise, cause she's always loved using a shitload of glitter, and her sky blue eyes are bright with confidence and joy, something Lapis has always loved, something Lapis will always love. Her body is fitted into a beautiful eggshell-colored dress that hugs her upper body and stretches out at the legs, revealing her wondrous calves in all their slender glory. She takes a step forward, one step closer to Lapis, one step closer to her heart. “It really is you.”

Lapis blinks, before swallowing. She works her jaw, and forces out a strained laugh. “Pearl.” She whispers. “You're here.”

The girl glances at Peridot, just for a moment, before returning her gaze back to Lapis. “Your mom invited me. She thought we were still—”

_Of course_ , Lapis thinks.  _Count on Mom to shit on my parade._ “I'm—I'm sorry she had to do that.” 

Pearl shakes her head. “No, don't be. She wanted me to be a guest tonight, to dance.” She smiles. “I'm doing a performance in about ten minutes downstairs.”

Lapis nods. “That's great! I'm glad you're still dancing.” She looks at her shoes. Her body is acting all weird right now. She can feel her insides pull together in a knot. And then she remembers Peridot. “Fuck, um,” She flushes, turning to her blonde friend, who hasn't said anything since the mystery girl's arrival. “This is—This is my... friend—” She gestures to the shorter girl. “Peridot.” 

Peridot glances at her, just slightly, but she keeps her mouth shut. 

“Peridot, this is Pearl. My, um—” She swallows. “My friend.”

“It's a pleasure to meet you,” Pearl says sweetly, leaning forward with a hand extended.

Peridot forces a smile and nods, grabbing her extended hand. “Pleasure's all mine.”

They shake once, then immediately let go. 

“Well,” Pearl whispers, throwing Lapis a loose grin. “Guess I should get down and start preparing.”

“Right.” Lapis nods stiffly. “You should. I'll, um, see you down there.” 

Pearl waits a moment, letting her gaze stay on Lapis for a second too long, before she turns to Peridot, bows slightly, and takes her leave. Her tall figure disappears within the darkness, leaving Lapis and Peridot standing there awkwardly, unknowing of what to do. Lapis stares at her trembling hands before she balls them into fists. 

“Peridot, I—” 

“So that was your ex, I'm assuming.” 

Lapis's eyes widen as she turns to face her. “How did you—” 

“I saw the picture.” Peridot says, looking down at the main hall with eyes half-detached, half-hurt. “Back at your place. I recognized her from the photo. And, I mean, from the way you were acting, it was obvious enough.” 

Lapis flushes, looking away. “Oh.” 

There's a moment of silence, until Peridot finally says, “Your  _friend_ , huh?” She laughs bitterly. So bitterly that Lapis has to force herself not to flinch at the sound. “Guess we both know where we stand now.”

Lapis's brows knit together in frustration. “Peridot, come on. We  _are_ friends, aren't we?” 

And then something angry flashes in Peridot's eyes. Something furious and pained and raw and real. She turns to Lapis, gaze narrowed. “So everything that happened tonight meant  _nothing_ to you?” 

Lapis pulls away, shocked. “No! That's not what I—”

“You were just about to _kiss_ me, Lapis.” 

Lapis shrinks within herself. “You don't know that.” 

Peridot takes a step back. “W-What?” She looks so hurt. Fuck, she looks so fucking hurt. 

“No, _shit_ , I'm not—” Lapis shakes her head. “I'm not saying any of this right. Peridot—” 

“You know what, I think I'm all partied out.” Peridot takes another step back before turning around. “Thanks for the free dinner, Lazuli.” 

Lapis flushes. “Peridot, wait!” 

But she's already disappeared into the depths of the corridor. Lapis curses, slapping her palm against her forehead before she pushes herself forward, calling out Peridot's name as she races down the stairs. She catches sight of her wild hair—already unfurling from its gelled-back position on her head—leaving through the main entrance, so Lapis forces herself to dash across the dance-floor and up the stairs they had arrived through until she manages to grab Peridot by the wrist. 

“Peridot, _wait_!” 

Peridot tears her hand away. “What the  _fuck,_ Lapis?” She takes a step back and scoffs. “You just used me as your scapegoat. I actually thought that—that tonight could be something for us. That you were actually gonna—” She pauses, biting her lip. “—gonna ask me out.  _Accept_ me. I thought you were finally gonna take a fucking step forward and stop being a major pussy about this whole thing, but you just—” She pales, her hands trembling at her sides. “You just  _used_ me. And then you just... left me.” 

Lapis doesn't know what to say, all the words she had thought she was going to use has flown out her head in an attempt to escape her own humiliation. She shakes her head and says, “I wasn't  _using_ you, Peridot. I never—That was  _never_ my intention—” 

“Tell me something, bartender.”

Lapis holds her breath. 

“Why did you wanna be my friend?” Peridot asks. “We spent _one_ night together. You could've told me the truth and left. No attachments, no complications. Nothing. You could've started anew.” She pauses, staring up at Lapis with mixed hurt and desire. “ _Why_ did you stay?” 

Lapis opens her mouth, but no words seem to be able to come out. 

Why  _did_ she stay? 

Finally, Peridot sighs and turns away. “I hope you have a great evening, Lebedev.” And then she walks down the remaining stairs and into the streets ahead in search of her car.

Lapis stands there, heartbroken, hurt, frustrated, angry—and yet despite the irrationality of her own mind, the only thing that sticks is the image of Peridot's face broken with pain, staring up at her waiting for her to confess, waiting for her to tell her that she feels the same way. She did this. 

Lapis did all of this. 

This entire thing is her fault. 

With a final glance at the spot where Peridot disappeared, Lapis pulls herself together and marches back up the stairs. She takes her phone from her bag and dials Steven.

“Hey,” She whispers when he picks up. She doesn't notice she's crying until she's forced to sniffle as the first of her tears drip down her cheeks. “Um, could you—could you pick me up from that stupid Gala I told you about?” She laughs to herself. “Yeah, no, I just need a ride back. I started feeling like shit and—and you're the only person I can turn to.” She waits a beat as Steven tells her he's on his way, before hanging up and stuffing her phone back into her bag. 

She glances up at the night sky, full of light and full of life. 

The greatest time of the day is the night. It's a beautiful time, nothing else can quite compare. But be careful, cause like many things beautiful...

It's equally as  _dangerous_ . 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay the end. I'm sorry it took so long for this chapter to be posted. There were so many things happening this week, but tomorrow I'm leaving back to Malaysia, so I should have a lot of time back there to write. So expect frequent updates from Tuesday onwards. ALSO. Please. I want to be friends with y'all. So hit me up on my Tumblr KyeTamm. Just chat with me man. 
> 
> I love you guys. Goodnight, bye bye!


	7. Listening to Ghosts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Summary of what you're about to read? 
> 
> Reflection chapter.
> 
> Nuff' said.

Lapis finishes loading the last of her bags into Steven's red minivan, shutting the back door with enough force to bend the hinges where they sit. Steven, in turn, cringes at her ferocity.

“That car costed me and Connie years of savings, Lapis. _Please_ do not wreck it.” He begs animatedly.

Lapis rolls her eyes, but she bows her head in apology. “Sorry, slip of the wrist.” And then she shuffles towards the back seat and plops herself next to Connie.

She shoots her a sympathetic look. “You alright?”

Lapis shrugs. “Been better.”

“Here,” Connie raises a flask. “It'll help for the road.”

“It _is_ a six hour ride away,” Steven muses, popping his head through one of the open windows before reaching out to poke Lapis in the cheek. “Don't be such a sour sap, Lap. It's our annual Winter Holiday trip back home! You _love_ going back home!”

Lapis forces a nonchalant smile. “I _am_ happy, Steven.”

Steven pouts. “Liar.” He turns around to yell into Lapis's apartment, “Dad! The car's ready!” before whirling back around to face the two women. “He gets really gassy on the road nowadays. Doc says his back's doing a lot better though so that's a bonus.”

“Dad's always been a hella of a fighter, huh?” Lapis murmurs.

Steven nods quickly. “The greatest one I've ever known. His carwash business is still up and running. Did you know about that? I thought he'd retired for good, but he still sneaks a good wash every now and again. Man, and I thought _I_ had a rough job. Sometimes he can barely get up in the morning.”

Lapis shrugs. “It's the old age, but he can beat it.” She flicks her wrist and laughs. “He is _super_ _dad_!”

Connie brightens. “You guys are so cute.”

Lapis smirks, draping an arm around Steven's shoulder and pulling him in. He starts yelling out a chorus of 'ow's' when the windowsill digs into his rib. “Aren't we? I've always told him we'd make a killer couple.”

Steven pushes her away, laughing. “Sure, because that wouldn't be weird at all.”

“I meant your friendship,” Connie muses. “You guys are practically siblings.”

Lapis smiles. “We _did_ grow up together. Steven saved me from an eternity trapped in the clutches of rich society and I saved him from a shitload of dullness in the future.” She shrugs. “It was an even trade.”

“How'd you two meet anyways?” Connie asks, leaning in. “I've always been curious.”

Steven chuckles, looking back as his father closes the door to Lapis's apartment. “Let's save that one for the road.” He hops up the stairs to help his dad down to the car, before belting him down to the passenger seat. “You cool, pops?”

His dad—who's basically just an older version of him—shoots him a weak grin. “I'm so ready to hit the hay.”

“Same.” Lapis whispers, shutting her eyes.

“Then we're all set.” Steven rounds the car front the front and gets into the driver's seat, strapping himself in and pulling the car off the curb. “Grandma's old Tennessee barn, here we go!”

“Weee,” Lapis says unenthusiastically, whirling a finger in the air. “Wake me up when it's time for lunch.”

* * *

 

_I thought you were happy. I thought—I thought we were happy. What did I do wrong?_

_Lapis, it isn't you. It's just—I'm not ready for this kind of commitment. And I—I don't know, we're going to different paths._

_What're you talking about? You wanna be a dancer, and I own a bar right now, yeah, but once I make a name for myself, I'm gonna join you and we're gonna be a dancing duo, remember?_

_Lapis—_

_Pearl, please, don't do this. Please._

_I'm sorry._

_Pearl._

_It's not you—_

_Pearl._

_I just don't think—_

_Pearl..._

…

…

_Goodbye, Lapis._

Lapis snaps her eyes open and tips forward in her seat, face buried in her hands. “Fuck,” She groans quietly, pressing the heel of her palm against her eye.

Her body is warm with heat, but the window's down, so the wind is making it slightly bearable to breathe. She straightens, looking out, gaze narrowed, heart beating too quickly in her chest, head swirling. She glances down at the flask on the floor and sighs. She had way too much of that.

“Rise and shine, sleepyhead.”

Lapis blinks, turning her gaze to watch Steven smile from the front seat. She rests her head on her elbow and sighs. “What time is it?”

“It's another two more hours till we get to the barn. Had a good nap after lunch?”

“I feel sick.”

“Yeah, it was probably all that alcohol you drank.” Steven says, flicking his gaze up to meet hers through the rear-view mirror. “Careful, Lap, one day you might wake up and realize you've become an unadulterated alcoholic.”

“Not happening.” Lapis mumbles.

“With the amount you consume on a daily basis, you might even already be one.”

Lapis shakes her head, before sweeping her gaze around the car. Connie is fast asleep beside her, and Steven's dad, Greg, hasn't been conscious since they left the restaurant an hour and a half ago, so she turns her gaze back to Steven. “You got somethin' to say to me, Universe?”

Steven waits a beat, biting his lip in contemplation. “I'm worried about you, Lapis.”

“Of course you are.”

“You don't think there's something to be worried about?”

“I think my life's a wreck and my future's going downhill. You tell me, Steven.”

He looks at her through the rear-view mirror. “You were whispering her name in your sleep,” He turns his gaze back on the road, gaze narrowed, brows furrowed. “You told me you were over the nightmares.”

Lapis sighs, reaching over to grab a bottle of water from the cooler box between her and Connie. “I didn't want you to worry. Plus, for a while, I was. I didn't have them anymore, that wasn't a lie. But then—surprise!—they came back.” She shrugs. “I don't know. I just... I didn't want you to think I was holding on to her. I'm not. I don't wanna be. But something else inside of me... can't seem to let go.”

Steven purses his lips, and the conversation dies down.

Lapis takes a swig of the water, gulping down practically half the bottle before setting it down at her feet.

“Are you still thinking about the night at the Gala?”

Lapis clears her throat, leaning back in her seat. “Yeah.”

“Have you talked to Peridot at all since?”

Lapis shrugs. “She doesn't wanna talk to me. Not after what happened. I—I texted her a few times, I guess. But—”

“Text?” Steven frowns. “You think some texts are gonna cut it?”

Lapis furrows her brows. “No, but at this point, I don't think _anything's_ gonna cut it.”

“Come on, Lapis. You're just too scared to do anything else.” Steven shakes his head. “I _told_ you the right one could be your way out. That she could help you overcome whatever it is you're dealing with.”

“Steven, it isn't that fucking simple.” She sighs, turning away. “Whatever, I'm gonna nap. Wake me up when we get there.”

Steven doesn't say anything for a moment, and the car is overtaken by an eerie, uncomfortable silence.

“You can't avoid it forever, Lapis.”

Lapis stares out the window, watching the world zoom by in undecipherable shapes and colors. “Watch me.” She whispers.

* * *

 

“Mom! Dad!” Connie hops out of the car, dark hair flying wildly behind her, jacket whipping from the wind that catches the ends of her sleeves. She throws her arms around an older, greying couple and pulls them close. “How was the ride?”

The woman laughs shortly before gesturing to the man. “Slow. You know your dad, safety first.”

The man shoots her a look. “I believe we both prioritize safety above all else, Priyanka.“

Connie beams, before leaning in to peck them both on the cheek. “Well, I'm so glad you guys are here.” She turns around and waves to Steven. “Steven, come say hi!”

Steven glances at Lapis.

“Go ahead,” Lapis murmurs, shrugging. “They're your family, not mine.” But she says it half-heartedly, and a part of her burns to see them all so... happy.

Steven sighs, reaching out to pull Lapis into a tight, one-armed hug. “Don't be so bummed, Lap. It doesn't suit you.”

“Hey!” She struggles with his grip before finally pulling away. “Get out of here, ass.”

He snickers, before leaving her to join Connie and her parents a few meters ahead. Lapis occupies herself by unpacking, even though she hates unpacking, and helping Greg unsettle himself from the car. He goes to join them seconds later, once he's found his footing. Lapis just barely catches the slight limp he has on his left foot. His back's improving, but it hasn't healed completely. It sucks because Greg's just as much a dad to her as her real dad is. Maybe even more so. Her dad was barely there for her when she was younger, since he was an elite and all. He was busy, and Lapis got that. But Greg was always there for her. Greg and Steven are... more than family.

They're _everything_ to her.

She sighs, dragging two large duffel bags from the trunk and dumping them in a pile on the ground. She does it with all the bags—five in counting—and then closes the trunk door and locks the car. “Bags are unloaded!”

“Great!” Steven calls back. “The rest of the family should be here soon too!”

The rest of the family meaning Steven's uncle and aunt, a few nephews, Connie's distant relatives, and Lapis's little cousins. Ever since she brought them to the barn when they were younger, they've been asking to come every year. Her mom was initially part of the group too... Until she got too busy to give a shit. Not that Lapis minds. She fucking hates having her here to begin with. Her mom was never one for... uncivilized conventions.

“Should I load these in the barn?” Lapis asks, raising the bags.

Steven nods before jogging over. “I'll help.”

Together, they drag their bags over to the large orange tents sitting within the barn (which Connie's parents helped set up when they arrived) and dump them all in a circle. The barn's seen better days, but it's in better condition than it was last year. Probably because Steven and Greg paid to get it revamped early August this year, just for the sake of keeping it stable and all. Lapis sweeps her gaze past the many photographs lined across the walls. Most are of couples, young and old, smiling and making funny faces, deranged and sane. Lapis smiles. Steven and Connie's photograph is the latest edition. It's set on a high shelf, where everyone can see it. Bright and beautiful and alive for the world to admire.

Lapis takes a step back to get a better view of it. “I can't believe you're getting married.” She pauses, before cheekily adding, “I mean, I can. You and Connie were practically bonded since the day you two started dating but—” She laughs. “ _Married._ Wow. That's—That's a big step, you know? That's like... I don't know, buying a house or something. It's fucking huge.”

Steven dusts himself off and throws her a grin. “You've had months to come to terms with it, Lap.”

“It's not just that.” Lapis shrugs. “You're... moving on so quickly. You're taking this huge step forward in life. Next thing you know, you're gonna have kids. And they're—they're gonna graduate high school and get into college and—” She gulps. “You're gonna retire and you and Connie are gonna move out here to live out the rest of your days—”

“Okay, hold on.” Steven shakes his head, staring up at her incredulously. “You are moving _way_ too fast here. It's just marriage. We're _not_ having kids anytime soon.” He laughs. “Not until we can both agree on a place to stay and raise them. Not until we can get stable incomes—independently. Not until we decide if we even want a dog, let alone kids! Also, we are _not_ coming out here when we retire. I love this place, it has a lot of memories, but to be isolated from the world like this?” He shrugs. “Maybe not the greatest idea.”

“You know what I mean,” Lapis mumbles. “You're moving up in life. You're going somewhere.”

Steven looks confused. “Lapis, I don't understand why you're sad. Your bar's doing incredibly well in the last few months you've running it.”

Lapis shrugs. “My bar's doing fine. It's just...”

Of course, Steven already knows what she means. Maybe he wants her to spell it out for him, to face the truth of her own words. Lapis sighs, raking her fingers through her hair. “Maybe being out here'll be good for me. Clear my head a bit.” She takes a step forward and throws her arm around Steven's shoulder. “Just like old times, huh?”

Steven, in turn, smiles. “Of course! We'll have sandwiches for lunch, barbecue for dinner, we'll start a bonfire, share stories, sneak out in the middle of the night with the younger crowd and sit around the hill a few miles north and drink and watch stars.” He chuckles. “It'll be just like old times. You, me, Connie, and—” He stops, turning pale in the face.

Lapis keeps her gaze on the tents. She can feel her heart tightening in her chest, voiding her body of oxygen. She looks up, blinking, to clear her vision. But the view only gets foggier every time her eyelids fall.

Steven clears his throat, before saying, “And the others. You, me, Connie, and the others. It'll—It'll be great.”

Lapis nods stiffly, before pulling away. “I think—” She gulps. “I think I hear my niece's car pulling up. It has that—that really familiar boink sound when it runs on dirt patches, you know?” She forces a laugh and turns to walk out the barn. “I'll go check.”

Steven's face distorts in concern. “Lapis—”

“Don't worry about it, Steven.” She says without turning back. “I'm over it.”

* * *

 

Lapis watches the butterfly float with detached interest, playing with a long hair of grass in between her forefinger and her thumb. She sighs, reaching out to clasp the bug in her hand. It escapes by millimeters, flapping its wings hard enough to leave her vicinity forever. She snorts at the triviality.

“Fly all you want, butterfly. You'll never escape your problems.”

“Morbid.”

Lapis looks up and watches Steven plop himself down next to her. “Well,” She murmurs. “If it isn't the man of the hour. How'd you defuse the crowd of nurturing aunts, Steven? I thought they'd never stop asking you questions about your damn wedding.”

Steven laughs lightly, leaning back on his elbows. “Connie said she'd distract them for me. She's cool like that.”

Lapis nods. “She is pretty cool.”

“So, what're you thinking about?”

“Loser things. Boring things.” She pauses, before adding, “Have you ever wondered what would happen if you crushed a butterfly in your hand? I mean... Would it pop? Like some weasel? Would it just get crushed like a car? Would it—I don't know—bleed out? Do bugs bleed?”

Steven knits his brows together. “Are you feeling alright?” He reaches out to touch her forehead. “You're not usually _this_ sadistic.”

“Fuck off,” Lapis says, swatting his hand away. “Tis' the season holiday spirit. I'm just not feeling it.”

“Yeah, well, no surprise there, given the shit you've been dealing with these past few weeks.” Steven looks up at the sky in thought, before asking, “Remember the nights we used to sneak out to swim in the lake?”

Lapis stares at her feet, her toes wriggling in the grass. “Yeah. We were all really wasted by the time we got there though.”

“And then we played truth or dare. And Connie dared us all to strip down and skinny-dip?”

Lapis shuts her eyes. She can still remember the feeling of having her naked, exposed body flush in the moonlight. “You were such a pussy about it. It took you like twenty minutes until you were finally ballsy enough to do it.”

“Excuse you, I have my manly pride.”

Lapis snorts. “Pussy.”

Steven smiles, and for a moment, he lets the silence persist. But then, out of nowhere, he says, “Pearl dared Connie to kiss me. While we were in the lake, naked. I thought she was out of her damn mind. But Connie was into it. So we did.” He pauses, pursing his lips. “And then we left, because we were cold and laughing and drunk. I didn't see you till the next morning.”

Lapis is silent. She's too busy staring at her feet to respond. The butterfly is back. It's threatening to land on one of her wriggling toes.

“You guys came back the next day, hair damp, eyes bloodshot, wearing nothing but your undies, and still, you two were giggling away, telling us about how you lost yourself in the lake, about how the moonlight caught your skin and dragged you away, about how everything about the night felt as magical as they make it out to be in fairytales.” Steven chuckles, shutting his eyes. “I've never seen you look so... free.”

Lapis licks her lips, kicking her feet up just as the butterfly lands. Her toe scrapes its wings, but it manages to fly free anyways. “What're you doing, Steven?”

A moment of silence.

“I'm trying to remind you who you are, Lapis.”

Lapis feels her lips twitch uncomfortably. “You saying I'm not me without her?”

“I'm saying you haven't been you since she left.” He sighs, pushing himself up. “I'm not saying you should just move on. I get it, it's hard. If Connie left me now, I'd—I'd lose myself completely. And you and Pearl were—You guys were real. A three-year relationship isn't that easy to shake off—”

“Then what the fuck are you saying?”

Steven glares at her. “Can you just shut up and listen to me for once?”

Lapis furrows her brows. The butterfly is now long gone.

“You have been given a chance... to change. To start again.” He shakes his head. “Not many people get that chance, Lapis. You're still hurting. You miss her and you're afraid. But there's someone else who could take that all away, if you'd just let her. You don't _have_ to be this miserable. You don't have to torture yourself like this.”

Lapis licks her lips. “And Jasper?”

Steven furrows his brows. “Jasper can take care of herself. She's a big girl. Peridot's feelings aren't her decision to make. And neither are yours.”

Lapis shakes her head. “It's not that easy.”

“It's _never_ that easy, Lapis. But the thing about life is you do it anyway. Because you get one shot. What's the point in life if you're not happy with the way you're living it?” He sighs, ruffling his hair. “I've known you since we were kids, Lapis. I've known you since before you were old enough to love sex as much as you do now—” Lapis snorts in response. “—and the thing that's great about you, the thing that amazes me, even to this day, is that you'd do anything— _anything—_ to make others happy. Even if it means putting their happiness before yours. That's what you did with Pearl, you let her go because you wanted her to be happy. And now you're doing it again with Jasper and Peridot.” He shakes his head. “That isn't how you're supposed to live, Lapis.”

She knows. She knows he's right, she knows she should listen, she knows and yet—Nothing make can this pain go away. It's been there since Pearl left. She doesn't even know what it is. A feeling of inadequacy? Resentment? Self-loathing? Fear? Disappointment? Maybe a whole amalgamation of all of the above.

But the feeling that sticks out the most is undeniable.

Lapis misses Pearl.

She misses her so much. She denies it, day after day after day after day, but it doesn't make the feeling go away. The nightmares are a clear portrayal of her attempt at denial and the aftermath of it. You _can't_ just shake off a three-year relationship. Not when your future once depended on her very existence in it.

Lapis bites her lip, and she's just about to say something when a voice comes ringing clear through the plains.

“Steven! Lapis! It's time to start the fire!”

Lapis blinks. Huh. It's past 5 already?

She turns her gaze to the sky, watching the way the darkness lurks within the clouds, before standing up. “Well, that was a good talk.” She whispers, dusting herself off. “But that fire won't start itself.”

Steven stares at her for a moment, before picking himself up. “No,” He says, following her down the path. “Guess it won't.”

* * *

 

The bonfire is Lapis's favorite time of the night.

It's beautiful. God, she loves everything about it. From the heat to the s'mores to the company to the laughter to the light to the joy—everything about it is magical. Just sitting there surrounded by the people you love, exchanging funny stories about how everything once felt so big and important, laughing about trivial things, dreaming about a better tomorrow. Lapis loves it all so much. She loves it all so much that it hurts. It hurts when Steven wraps his arm around Connie's shoulder and kisses her. It hurts when her cousins shriek because Steven's uncle is telling them a story about how the barn was once haunted by an evil green ghost. It hurts when she realizes the seat beside her is empty, and no matter who fills it—cousin or niece or uncle or best friend—it will always be empty.

The spot beside her will always be... empty.

She checks her phone. No messages. No response from Peridot.

She isn't expecting anything more. What she did to her was—

Let's just say even Lapis wouldn't forgive herself. But Pearl's appearance was unexpected. And if she hadn't come... Maybe she and Peridot would've actually been—

“Hey,” Connie nudges Lapis on the shoulder. “Walk with me to get more beer from the car?”

Lapis looks over Connie's shoulder at Steven, who's laughing up a riot with his aged father. Her heart shakes at the sight. There aren't many things Lapis loves more than watching her best friend and his dad enjoy themselves together with what little time they have left. Greg is healthy and he is strong.

But he's only a man. A man who's coming close to his time. Nobody knows when he's gonna go.

“Yeah,” Lapis says, nodding. “Let's go.”

They make their way down a dirt path towards the cars parked beside the barn. They always light the bonfire at the top of the hill, because it overlooks everything else, and that beauty is hard to come by. Lapis trips on the pebbles grossing the path at least twice, and Connie has to help her up—while laughing like the great friend she is—every time it happens. Finally, Lapis settles for draping an arm around her shoulder.

“This'll do.” She says, laughing.

“I never took you for a clumsy drunk, Lapis.”

“Cause I'm not!” Lapis flushes. “I'm not even drunk! Just—Just a little tipsy.”

Connie rolls her eyes. “Right.”

They make it to the bright red minivan settled comfortably between two sedans, and they each grab a six-pack from the back seat before shutting the door behind them. Connie carries it like a baby, gentle in her arms over her chest, but Lapis wants to look cool, so she lets it dangle from her right hand.

“Hey,” Connie shuffles from one foot to another. “I just wanna say... Thanks for coming.”

Lapis raises a curious eyebrow. Where is this coming from?

“I know what's been happening with you and your life. Steven gets me up-to-date most nights, so—” She hesitates. “I would've totally understood if you said you didn't wanna come. Especially now that Pearl is...”

Lapis looks at her feet. Why does this keep coming up? But more importantly, why can't Lapis just get over it? She clears her throat and shrugs. “I would've invited her but—” She chuckles. “—would've been a _little_ awkward.”

Connie immediately shakes her head. “Oh, no! Definitely. I wouldn't have wanted that at all. I'm just saying... I'm glad you're here with us, Lapis. I'm glad you're still spending time with us. And Steven might not have said it out loud, but he's also really, really, _really_ glad you're here.” She smiles. “He's had a hard time showing his emotions ever since we got engaged. He thinks he should start acting like an adult. Like... a man would. I told him it's ridiculous but,” She shrugs. “It's Steven. You can't exactly talk him out of something.”

Lapis grins back. “True. That kid's stubborn as fuck.”

“Yeah,” Connie giggles. “Like his best friend.”

Lapis's eyes soften as she looks down at the six-pack dangling from her fingers. She tightens her grip. “We, um, we used to come up here sometimes... During the bonfire. We as in me and Pearl.” Crap, why is she talking about this? It's the fucking alcohol. But she only had like two bottles! Goddamn it. “Before it ended, we'd sneak out and sit on top of Steven's car and just... talk. We'd let our feet float in the air, or we'd dangle them from the edge, or we'd intertwine them together... And sometimes we'd stay there till morning just talking. Sometimes one of us will fall asleep, and the other'd wake us up and we'd sneak back into the barn together.” She pauses, watching her fingers tremble at the memory. She tries to stop it, she really does, but she can't help it. The alcohol and the atmosphere and the memories and the feelings—they're all colliding within her.

Lapis blinks. “Why did she leave?”

Connie stares at her for the longest moment, until finally, she drops the six-pack, takes two steps forward, and pulls her into a body-crushing embrace. Her arms tighten around her shoulders until she's enveloped by Connie's hold. “Lapis,” She whispers sadly. “I'm so sorry.”

Lapis bites her lip, but she's forcing herself not to cry. Not here. Not now. She gulps and nods. “I'm—I'm fine, but—thank you, Connie.”

“Come on, Lapis,” Connie says into her hair. “We're family.”

Family. They're family.

Lapis smiles, wrapping her arms around Connie's body. She lets this moment last a while longer. For the first time since they arrived, she feels like her old self again. Loving and open and soulful, and maybe, somewhere along the lines...

 _Free_.

* * *

 

“Do you wanna know a secret?”

Lapis tripped on a branch trying to disentangle herself from the trees, but eventually she managed to break free, pitching forward with her hands extended to keep from falling face-first against the gravel dirt. Pearl caught her before she landed, wrapping her slim arms around her frame and pulling her up. Lapis, in turn, flashed her a shy grin.

“Go for it.” She whispered, enjoying the feel of Pearl's arm around her waist.

“Okay,” Pearl laughed, leading her across the dirt path towards the lake. “When I was 10, my dad took me to see a ballet concert.”

“Of course.” Lapis murmured, rolling her eyes.

Pearl hushed her. “Let me finish.”

“Okay, okay.”

“Anyways, we watched this modern retelling of Swan Lake. And... It was performed by this local crew, and everybody sort of loved it. I, obviously, loved it. It was one of the first performances that made me wanna get into dance in the first place.”

“Bet you were thinking, ' _I'm better than this bitch'_ the whole way through.”

Pearl snorted, but a grin painted her face as she pulled Lapis up a high boulder. “ _Actually_ , I _really_ liked the main dancer. She was beautiful.”

“Woah,” Lapis laughed nervously. “Pearl's got the hots for some cougars.”

“She wasn't _that_ old.”

“But you were 10!”

Pearl waited a moment, before leaning in to kiss her lightly on the lips. The contact was sweet. So sweet that Lapis felt her stomach do flips. Multiple times. “Doesn't matter now,” She whispered onto her lips, before pulling away. “Do you wanna hear the secret or not?”

Blushing and outrageously smitten, Lapis shook her head and nodded at the same time. “Y-Yeah,” She jumped off the boulder a second after Pearl did and raced after her across the path.

“Okay, so, after the performance, my dad took me behind the curtains to meet the cast and crew. It was all super cool, and my dad was being a huge sweetheart about it, bless his soul. Aaaand when we got to the main dancer's room, everything was just—” She shook her head, looking up at the sky in bewilderment. “You'd think a pixie barfed all over the place and unicorns left their magical powers hidden away in her closet or something, you know?”

“So to summarize,” Lapis said. “She was gay as fuck?”

Pearl rolled her eyes. “That's one way to put it, but it's not what I meant. It was just... magical, you know?” She shrugged. “So there was this tiara just sitting on top of her table, and she wasn't there yet, cause she was meeting a few VIP's at the main lobby. So Dad and I strolled around for a bit, just casually chilling while we waited for her arrival.” Pearl giggled. “And I ended up going home with her tiara that night.”

Lapis's jaw dropped. “ _What_?”

“My dad still has no idea.”

“And the dancer?”

Pearl shook her head. “Nope.”

Lapis's lips split into a grin. “What the fuck, Pearl?!” She laughed out loud, taking her by the waist and pulling her in. “You're fucking mad. You're a goddamn thief. I bet that thing costed thirty bucks or some shit.”

“I checked on Amazon. Fifty, actually, especially since it belonged to the one and only Swan Lake.” Pearl grinned cheekily. “It was worth it though. Wearing that around my room, strutting in my little tutu and costume with it perched on my head—It felt like I was really there. Like I was really her.”

“Naw, Pearl,” Lapis leaned in and kissed her. “You're better.”

And Pearl just melted in her arms, pulling her closer as if their very proximity meant the world to her.

But if she really felt that way... Why did she break it up?

Lapis blinks. She blinks herself awake. She blinks herself from the memory. She blinks so hard that the darkness before her becomes enveloped in strange white dots. Though, maybe that's also because it's 3 AM and she's still not asleep yet. She's tired, that's for sure.

But fuck it, these thoughts won't leave her alone.

She checks her phone again, for what feels like the hundredth time.

Still no response.

Sighing, she picks up the bottle and drinks. The taste is bland. Probably because it's water and not alcohol. But she's taken what Steven said to heart. She _is_ fucked up and if she's not careful, she's gonna go home an alcoholic and paying for that kinda rehab is too expensive for Lapis to even think about. So she's gonna deal with water tonight. Water and some strawberry shortcake. Steven's Aunt makes the best pastries in the whole damn city. Lapis tries to tell herself that she's lucky.

But the thoughts won't let her.

A cold wind whips by, and Lapis is forced to cross her arms over her chest in an attempt to find warmth. It's winter, so the breeze is a little chillier nowadays than it had been a few days ago. Plus they're up on a hill, so it's even colder. _And_ it's also 3 AM. The morning comes with cold and light. Lapis's two least favorite things. She dips her head back and sighs.

And then somebody plops down next to her, and she's unsurprised to find out who it is.

“Morning,” Steven murmurs, rubbing his eye. “I thought you'd be out here.”

Lapis looks at him for a moment. “Why's that?”

“Because you and Pearl used to always come here at night. It's across the lake, so it has a beautiful view. Also,” Steven laughs. “Where else would you be? The barn's not _that_ big and this is the only place that's isolated from everything else.”

Lapis avoids his gaze, but she can just vaguely see him ripping up a bag of his favorite snack, the Cookie Cat. He chews it silently, slowly, like he always does. Lapis takes a breath, holds it. “Am I ruining your trip?”

Steven turns to her, brows furrowed. “What?!” He says with his mouth full, before swallowing. “No, Lapis—” He sighs. “To be honest, I kinda think _I_ was the one who ruined your trip. I was the one who pushed you into coming this week to begin with, even though I knew you were going through a rough time, even though I knew this was gonna happen!”

“Steven, you were just trying to be a good friend.”

“Yeah, and look where that got me.” Steven rolls his eyes. “Sometimes being a good friend doesn't mean being a right one.”

Lapis scrunches her nose. Did he just indirectly teach her a lesson then...?

“There's another reason I wanted to get you alone, Lap.” Steven closes his eyes. “Connie and I are planning a snow trip up to the mountains next week. It's gonna be on the weekends, a three-nights four-days trip up to the Falls in Mount Wakers. We start on Friday, come back on Monday. It's—I guess you can say it's kinda like a farewell party for Connie and I being... y'know, just partners. It's gonna be our last trip before we get married and,” Steven shrugs. “I think it's gonna be awesome.”

Lapis processes this information, letting it sink in, letting it sift. “So nobody knows about this yet?”

“Oh, we've invited a few people. I'm only telling you now cause we haven't seen each other in a while, and with everything going on, I didn't think you'd needed the extra pressure.” Steven places a warm hand on Lapis's shoulder. “But I _really_ want you to come. It—It won't be complete without you, Lap. Besides, you're the only one who snowboards better than I do!” Steven throws her a grin. “I need that motivation!”

Lapis can't help but smile, even despite the situation. She shoves his hand away playfully and asks, “So, who else did you invite?”

“Um, well,” Steven scratches his jaw awkwardly. “Amethyst and Pearl—”

“Oh.”

“They're family too, Lap.”

“Yeah, I get it.”

“Jasper. And apparently... She invited Peridot—”

“ _What?_ ”

“Maybe Peridot'll reject it though? You never know!”

“Steven—”

“And also Ruby and Sapphire. That's it! See, won't it be fun?”

Lapis shoots him the meanest glare she can muster. “Stuck on a trip with my ex, my ex's new lover, my new lover's ex and my new lover who now hates me. _Yeah_. It'd be a fucking barbecue, and I'm not talking about the beef on a kebab stick kind.”

Steven sighs, shaking his head. “It'd be a good opportunity to sort yourself out, Lap.”

Lapis pulls away, offended. “Excuse me?!”

“You know what I mean,” Steven says. “Figure out what you want. Now that you're away, you _know_ that Pearl's been haunting your every waking thought. So talk to her. Get it out of your system.” He shrugs. “And maybe once you're with Jasper and Peridot, you'll see that—”

“God fucking dammit.” Lapis pulls herself off the ground and takes a step forward. Suddenly, the chill of the night doesn't seem to affect her anymore. In fact, she's warmer than she was this afternoon. “Why can't you just leave this whole Peridot thing alone? It's not gonna happen. She hates me, she's not gonna forgive me. And you know what? That's a good fucking thing.”

Steven stares up at her with wide, unblinking eyes. “Lapis, what the hell is up with you?” He shakes his head. “Why won't you even give this a chance? You _obviously_ have feelings for her! And she _obviously_ feels the same way! So why don't you just—”

“I'm not _good enough_ for her, Steven!”

Silence.

Her words hang in the air like a stench that, for some reason, can't seem to be removed. Steven sucks in a breath, watches the way Lapis's shoulders hunch together in discomfort, watches her move and turn and look down at him with tears bordering at the edges of her eyes.

“I'm not—I'm not _good_ enough.” She bites her lip, shakes her head. “I'm a fucking mess. And I can't get my life back together. She—She doesn't deserve that. Peridot doesn't deserve all this bullshit _I_ created.” She turns away, eyes shut. “I thought that we could change, that _I_ could change. I actually believed it when I was with her, when we were dancing, when she held me, when she touched me—It felt like something new again. Like it could be something great. But then—But then it all fell apart. Because she came back. And she was there. I couldn't control myself. I couldn't control my body, my head, my words—Everything came spilling out like this ugly monster that's been hiding inside of me and I _lost_ her and I shouldn't ever go crawling back because she doesn't deserve this! I don't _want_ to do that to her again.”

Steven pushes himself off his rear and stands in front of her, unknowing of what to say. “Lapis,” He whispers. “You can—You can change it.”

“No, Steven.” Lapis shakes her head. By now, the tears are rolling freely down her face. By now, she doesn't even care anymore. “It's not that simple. Nothing ever is.” She takes a breath. “Peridot deserves better than this.” She gestures flimsily to herself, before turning away.

Steven watches as she breaks down, as she lets herself go vulnerable, as her entire world crashes before her, burning, drowning. This whole place—It's like a tomb. She's been sitting in a graveyard, listening to ghosts, watching them dance as the rest of her life flies by without a sound. She's so broken that she doesn't even notice that the ghosts were all in her head, all this while. This graveyard she's created, this tomb she's locked herself in...

Steven will be damned before he lets her go down in it.

He reaches out to her and grabs her forcefully by the wrist. “Lapis,” He snaps, pulling her arms apart. He looks at her face. Her cheeks are rosy, tear-stained, her eyes wet, her lips trembling. He shakes his head, sniffs, and pulls her in. His tears make her shirt damp, but she doesn't care, because her best friend is hugging her so tightly all other feelings seem to be melting away. “I wasn't there for you, Lapis, and for that I'm—I'm so sorry. I've been so busy with Connie and the wedding that I—” He sniffs loudly. “I forgot you needed me too. I forgot I needed you just as much.”

Lapis doesn't believe it. She doesn't know what else to do. The amalgamation of everything that's happened... It's starting to take form. So she buries her face in the crook of his neck and cries.

She just... lets it go. Everything since the day Pearl left her comes pouring out like a waterfall. Her fears, her sadness, her anxieties, her anger, her frustration—It all comes bolting out of her in the form of tears and cries and wails that echo through the night like howling wolves in search of each other. Steven is crying along with her. Guess he's not as manly as he thought he was. But Lapis begs to differ. She likes to think he's the manliest he's been in a long time.

Crying doesn't make you weak.

It sure helps with the fucking emotions though.

By the end of it, Lapis pulls away and she can breathe again. Well, sort of. The congested mucus makes it hard for her to _actually_ breathe, but her body feels a lot lighter than it did a few minutes ago.

She wipes her eyes with her hands and forces a laugh. “Fuck, I feel like death.”

Steven nods. “There's mucus all over my face, isn't there?”

“You're probably not as bad as I am though.”

“Wanna bet?”

“On mucus? Fuck no.” Lapis purses her lips. “But five bucks will do, right?”

Steven laughs, and he wraps an arm around Lapis's shoulder and brings her close to his side. They hang at the spot opposite the lake for another twenty minutes trying to clear their faces and get their shits together again. Lapis feels... unbelievably freer now. She looks down at the lake, watching the way the water shimmers underneath the moonlight, straining her ears to catch the sound of Pearl's laughter echoing through the night, but all she can see is light, and all she can hear is the sound of the trees whistling beside her. She shuts her eyes, takes a breath.

“Lapis?” Steven calls from a few feet ahead. “You good, buddy?”

Lapis turns to him and nods. “Yeah,” She says, taking a step forward. “I'm good.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so, I really wanted to delve deeper into who Lapis is, what she and Pearl's relationship was like before it all started to go downhill, stuff like that... Plus Lap needed her best buddy back. Steven was kinda MIA the last couple of chapters. I mean, he made cameos and stuff but that's it. Also Connie! Yay for Connie support!!
> 
> BUT HOLY SHIT GUYS THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL THE SUPPORT FROM LAST CHAPTER. Seriously, your reviews were mind-blowing, holy crap. It meant the fucking world to me. Y'all are the best, I love you guys! <3
> 
> (Sneak peak: Next chapter consists of snow, a happier-Lapis (sorta...?) and a shitload of awkward tension.)


	8. A Heavy Shot of Bourbon And Good Company

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeeeee I got writer's block again. It's hard gais, I has all these ideas but no way to string em' all together!

Lapis hates the cold, but she absolutely adores the snow. She likes to think it's her element, which is absurd, because she's a born-and-raised tropical girl completely attached to the ocean (even though she lives in the densest city in America). _But_ there are certain things other than water that make her chest tingle with excitement. The snow and snowboarding are definitely two of those things. So, it isn't a surprise to say that Lapis is undeniably excited for this snow trip, despite... certain... _arrangements._

“Jasper's coming with us.” Steven says, smiling.

He means she's taking the same car to ride up to the mountains. “That's grand.” Lapis murmurs. “I'm assuming Peridot's coming too? Hell, why don't we invite Pearl and Amethyst to join us? We can sing road-trip songs and bond over long sessions of awkwardness. It'd be fun!” She exclaims. “Like legos.”

Steven nudges her in the shoulder. “Cool it, weirdo.” He says. “Peridot's only coming tomorrow anyways. She's got work till late tonight and no one was able to cover her shift, so she'll join us at noon.”

Lapis doesn't know what to feel about that. “Okay, well, that's good I guess.”

“And Amethyst has to leave tomorrow too.” Steven groans. “Some work interview. I mean, good on her! But that just means the gang's missing a person.” He snaps his fingers together. “Which sucks cause we gotta be together for this whole thing to work.”

Lapis shrugs. “I think it'd still be awesome. Kicking your ass in snowboarding has always successfully cheered me up.”

Steven rolls his eyes, but he's snickering. “Oh,” He tips his chin off to a point in the distance. “There she comes.”

Lapis turns her gaze on the tall, broad blonde making her way across the street. It's been a while since they last saw each other. Lapis isn't gonna lie, her insides are fucking squirming at the sight of her again, especially since she was dancing with her quote-on-quote 'love interest' just a week ago. “Jasper!” She exclaims, reaching out to pull her friend into a friendly embrace.

“Lapis!” Jasper laughs. “Been a while, hasn't it?”

Lapis nods. “Seriously. I don't even see you in the bar anymore.”

Jasper shrugs. “Gotta get in shape for my match with Ruby. I was training like crazy.”

“Yeah,” Lapis looks down at her body. “You do look a lot more... chiseled.”

“Your match got rescheduled again?” Steven asks sympathetically.

Jasper sighs, nodding. “For the sixth time. I'm going out of my mind here. I mean, Ruby, what the fuck?”

“Why don't you just talk to her about it?” Lapis asks.

“You think I haven't tried?” Jasper shakes her head. “Naw, man. Ruby's my best friend, but she's got a skull thicker than Jupiter. Nothing I'll say'll convince her otherwise.”

Lapis squints into the distance. “Jupiter is thick?”

Steven laughs, gesturing to the inside of the car as Jasper makes her way around it to prop herself in the back seat. She yells something about getting the whole space to herself, until Steven corrects her and says Connie is coming along too.

“Is she riding shotgun?” Lapis asks. “Cause if she isn't, I'm totally taking the spot. It's not like this meathead is gonna be able to fit anyways.”

Jasper shoots her a glare. “Hey, watch it! I could crush you right now, you little twig!”

“Twig?!” Lapis makes a sound that sounds like a cross between a laugh and a scoff. “Try it, prick!” She reaches over to punch Jasper in the shoulder, and the girl responds by leaning over to grab her over the neck.

Steven flinches from the front seat. “Hey, hey, watch it, kids! Jesus Christ, it's a car, not a wrestling ring.” He stares at them from the rear-view mirror and shakes his head. “Just get the hell inside and let's move out already! I'm starving!”

Jasper laughs, and though Lapis is still trying to steal in a few jabs here and there, she's snickering too. She props herself in the front seat and shuts the door. They pick Connie up from the local fencing institute downtown because she works there as a fencing instructor (and occasional part-time ghost writer). Steven leaves the car on and tells them that he'll go get her, which leaves Jasper and Lapis alone in a car together for the first time in... a while. Obviously, Jasper doesn't feel the tension.

But all Lapis can think about is how she basically fucked Jasper's ex behind her back.

She looks down at her hands. _Say something_ , She thinks desperately. _Anything._

But Jasper starts speaking for her. “How've things been, Lap?”

Lapis clears her throat. “Oh, it's been great. Bar's doing great, I'm doing great—”

“You really expect me to believe that?”

Lapis keeps her gaze on her hands. _Quit trembling_ , She thinks, glaring at her fingers.

Jasper pokes her head through the center, staring up at Lapis with a look that makes her innards curl around themselves. “Pearl is coming on this trip too, isn't she?” Her expression softens. “How're you dealing with that?”

Lapis blinks. _Of course. Of course. Calm down, Lapis. She doesn't know._

_She doesn't know._

“Well,” She shrugs. “I mean, it could be worse. She and Amethyst could be _married_ or something.” She says with a laugh, but then immediately thinks, _What the fuck am I saying_? “Um, yeah. I'm fine. It's gonna be fine.”

Jasper looks worried. She places a hand atop her head. “You sure about that? It's the first time we're all hanging out since—”

Since the break-up. “Yeah,” Lapis whispers. “But... I'm doing it for Steven. He deserves this. And—And maybe this'll be good for me. Maybe, I don't know, I'll find some closure or something.” She's spewing a shitload of bullshit that she hopes Jasper won't catch on to. She kinda just wants her to stop talking about Pearl.

A moment of silence. Jasper purses her lips, gaze narrowed. Finally, she pulls away and sighs. “Well, if it makes you feel any better,” She throws her a lop-sided grin. “You can hang with me and Peridot! You'd love her, she's totally your type—”

Lapis stops herself from laughing. _Fuck, Jasper, if you had any idea how right you are._

“—and she owns a Cyber Cafe and she can hold her liquor and _fuck_ , Lapis, she likes watching boxing! Imagine that. She's just—I don't know, man, she's just fucking perfect.”

_Yeah,_ Lapis thinks bitterly _. And she likes_ me.

She blinks, glaring at the window in front of her. What the hell is she saying? 

“Apparently,” Jasper says, completely oblivious of Lapis's internal battle with herself. “She's never been to the snow before, so this'll be her first time. She's thinking of taking up skiing, which sucks because I'm a snowboarder, so I can't, y'know, teach her and stuff. But Pearl and Sapphy are skiers so I'm sure they'll be able to help her out!”

Skiing.

Lapis bites her lip.It sounds like something she'd do.

“Sucks that she's only coming tomorrow though. If she could ride with us,” Jasper chuckles lightly. “We could all bond and—and maybe it'd feel real again.”

Lapis looks over her shoulder, her expression hard. “What do you mean?”

Jasper shrugs. “We're not... a thing yet. We're just friends.” She does air-quotations around the word 'friends'. “She doesn't wanna get into this so quickly. She says she still wants to figure out what she wants, which I totally respect. I'm just thankful she's giving me the time of the day.”

“You really love her, don't you?”

Jasper shoots her a gentle smile. “Come on, Lapis. You already know the answer to that question.”

Lapis turns her gaze back to the road. Her heart is constricting inside her chest, like there's some kind of animal inside there squeezing it together, forcing her blood to go cold with guilt and regret and frustration. Why are things always so much fucking worse when she's actually with Jasper? She thought she'd made up her mind already. But this—this is bad. She shakes her head and forces a smile. “I'm happy for you, Jasper.”

Jasper waits a beat, before asking, “So... I've been distracted lately, with everything going on,” She pokes her head through the center again, and she's smirking. “But don't think I've forgotten about that girl you mentioned that one time.”

Lapis raises an eyebrow. “What girl? What're you talking about?”

“Oh, come on. You know who I'm talking about!” Jasper makes strange, sexual hand gestures. “ _The girl_. The one who you were smitten about! You never brought her up again but I didn't forget about it!”

Lapis works her jaw. Oh my God, she totally forgot that she mentioned her in front of Jasper. “Um,” She blinks, before blurting, “It didn't work out. Stuff happened. I realized that I didn't really like her that way. And she had—I don't know, things.”

Jasper raises a skeptical eyebrow. “Right. _Things_.”

“Seriously, Jasper.” Lapis mumbles with a laugh. “It just didn't pan out.”

“Can I at least know her name?”

Lapis stares at her hands. Her hands that were once intertwined with Peridot's. Her hands that have longed for her ever since then. “I don't—” She swallows. “I don't remember it.”

Jasper furrows her brows. “Oh.”

And then Steven comes back into the van with Connie at tow. They pack into the car not realizing the strange tension that's wafting in the air, seeping into Lapis's skin like poison, but Steven steals a quick glance in Lapis's direction, and she forces herself to shoot him a small smile. His eyes are a question, but Lapis doesn't wanna deal with that right now. She shakes her head and shrugs.

“All good back there?” Steven asks, still not taking his eyes from Lapis.

“Yup!” Connie says.

“Let's hit the road!” Jasper says, a little louder.

Steven nods. “Alright,” He turns his gaze away. “Snow trip 2k16... _commence_!”

* * *

 

Steven comes back from the counter holding up four keys. “This is gonna be a little awkward but,” He shoots Lapis a wry smile. “You're gonna have to share rooms with one of us couples.”

Lapis sighs, raking her fingers through her hair. “Yeah, I figured.”

“You can room with me and Peridot, Lap!” Jasper exclaims.

Lapis stares at her.  _Do I want to kill myself? Hmm. Not this week._ “Maybe next time, Jasp.” She pats her gently on the back. “I think you two should do your thing... in private since it's still... new. You know?” 

Jasper's eyes twinkle in excitement. “I catch your drift, Lazuli.” 

“Here,” Steven mumbles, handing Lapis a key. “You can room with me and Connie.” 

Lapis forces a tight smile. “Thanks, Steven.”

She glances at the little wooden craft in the shape of a snowboard with the number 207 carved into the surface. It's attached to the key. She dangles it in the air and takes a breath. “So I'll head up first?”

“Yeah, Connie and I'll handle the other stuff.” Steven says. “We still have to check in with the other building to make sure our snow gear's all rented right.” 

“Jasper, you wanna come with?” Connie asks sweetly. 

Jasper brightens. “For sure! Gotta make sure my board's all waxed and ready to go!” 

Steven nods his head at the entrance. “Amethyst, Pearl, Ruby and Sapphire should be outside by now. You can check out the rooms together.” He hands her the rest of the keys. 

They part ways, and for the hundredth time, Lapis is so thankful that Steven and Connie are her best friends. They know exactly what she wants. To spend this time alone with Jasper again would be killer for her soul. She makes her way to the entrance with a handful of keys clenched in her fist. As she passes through the automatic set of double-doors, a cold blast of wind whips through her body, and even though she's already cladded in three-layers of clothing  _plus_ a heavy snow jacket, she still shivers and crosses her arms over her chest. Her gaze lands on a familiar Chevrolet Silverado parked in one of the empty spots up front, and slowly, she shuffles towards it. 

The first person to pop out is Ruby, who's at the driver's seat. “All hands on deck!” She yells. “Everyone good?” 

Amethyst is next. She trips out of the car and lands on her knees on the sidewalk with a hand over her mouth. “No more nachos!” She cries. “No more! I'm gonna—I'm gonna puke!” 

Ruby makes a face. “Come on, Amethyst. I warned you!” 

Amethyst looks up at her, but when she speaks her words are muffled by her hand. “Whaddya' mean?! I was hungry! I'd have puked if I didn't eat!” 

“Those nachos were a day old!” 

“My stomach has been single for nearly six hours!” 

“Shut up, you two!” Lapis freezes. Her gaze remains on Amethyst's sad, drooping figure bent over the floor, but her attention has completely focused on the voice that had just spoken. She raises her gaze, just slightly, but the owner of the voice still hasn't exited the car. When she speaks, Lapis can only imagine her trying to squeeze through all the equipment packed in the back. “Jesus, Ruby, help Amethyst find a damn bathroom. I'll go with Sapphire and find the others.”

Ruby grunts and nods, but then her eyes find Lapis's. “Oh!” She breaks into a grin. “No need! Lapis is right here!”

Lapis smiles—albeit a little tightly—and waves. “Hey! Ah—Steven and the rest are checking up on the equipment. He gave me the keys so,” She dangles the keys in the air. “We can see the rooms together.”

“Sweet!” Amethyst yells, pulling herself together. “First pick!” 

Ruby glares at her. “Let's make sure you don't get puke on the carpet first, you sick hoarder. Come on, we'll find a bathroom inside.”

Amethyst sighs and, with Ruby's help, gets back on her feet. The two brush past Lapis, exchanging hello's, before disappearing within the short, glassed building. Lapis watches as they go, before turning back around. 

Pearl is suddenly standing right in front of her. 

Lapis's body goes red with panic as she stumbles backwards. “Woah—”

“It's good to see you again, Lapis.” Pearl says smoothly. 

Lapis blinks, before nodding. “Y-Yeah. Um,” She shakes her head. “Sorry I had to miss your performance. There were... some complications. And—” 

“Is she your girlfriend?” 

Lapis raises an eyebrow. “What?” 

“The girl.” Pearl says. “The one you were with. Peridot, was it?” 

Lapis feels her mouth go dry. She instinctively looks over her shoulder at the door, but Jasper is nowhere in sight. “No. She's—” She looks back at Pearl. “She's just a friend.”

Pearl laughs, a sound that makes Lapis's heart squeeze uncomfortably. “I have trouble believing that.”

“I'm serious.” Lapis scratches the back of her neck awkwardly. “We were just together cause I didn't want my mom being such a major pain in the ass.” 

“So it was all to spite your mother?” 

“Why do you care?” She winces at the spite dripping from her words, before turning away. “Um, I mean—” 

“Pearl?” A voice groans from the front seat. “Are we here already?” 

Pearl whirls around. “Yeah! We're here, Sapphire.” She turns back to Lapis. “She fell asleep. Has been asleep since lunch.” 

Lapis nods, even though Pearl's already making her way back to the car. The light catches something on Pearl's neck, sticking to her collarbone, shining under a vibrant hue of purple. Lapis narrows her eyes to catch a better glimpse. It's a small thing, circular in structure, with little baby rocks embezzled into the edges. At the center, Lapis can just vaguely make out a letter P. She holds her breath, staring. That wasn't there before. And Pearl never buys anything less than a diamond necklace, which means it can only come from one other person.

Her gaze shoots upwards just as Sapphire tips out of the car. She's holding her head, her eyes closed behind her rectangular-glasses. “Where's Ruby?”

Pearl places a comforting hand behind her back. “She's with Amethyst in the bathroom. You alright?” 

“Car rides just make me sick.”

“You're not the only one,” Pearl mumbles amusedly, looking up to meet Lapis's eye. 

Lapis offers a smile just as Sapphire opens her eyes. “Hey,” She says, raising a hand. “How was the trip?” 

Sapphire chuckles lightly. “Good afternoon, Lapis. It was wonderful,” She pauses, before adding, “Besides the entire car part.” 

Lapis laughs, and, with her eye still on the necklace wrapped around Pearl's neck, she helps Sapphire and Pearl unload their car. When Ruby and Amethyst get back, they heave the bags up to their rooms. Lapis keeps her gaze on her feet, but ever so often, she'd sneak a peak at the group talking animatedly in front of her. They're so engrossed with each other, so happy, so carefree. But Lapis is standing a little ways-off. She refuses to join in on the conversation, even when Sapphire or Ruby would turn to ask her some silly question. 

For a moment, as she watches Amethyst and Ruby wrestle for one of the bigger rooms, a part of her almost... envies them. But then she shakes her head and walks into the room next to her, dumping the bags across the floor with a huff. 

_No,_ She thinks.  _I'm not depressed. I'm not sad. I have everything under control._

But then she looks out the window, and thinks, _I really_ am _a shit liar._

* * *

 

“I forgot something,” Steven whispers the next morning.

Lapis opens an eye and groans, turning her back on him. “I'm _trying_ to sleep here, Steven.”

Steven frowns. “It's 7 AM, Lapis. We're _supposed_ to be up on the mountains by now. Get your ass up!” He pokes her on the side, which makes her groan even more. “Okay, well, hear me out here. I completely forgot that Amethyst is going home today. Which means... Pearl has a room to herself. Which means—”

Lapis whirls around to shoot him a glare. “Are you seriously implying I sleep with the ex who's been haunting my every nightmare?”

Steven shrugs. “It'd save us space!” He gestures around the little room, with Connie and Steven's bed taking up half of it, and Lapis's extra mattress taking up the other. “You know I'm right.”

Lapis buries her face in her blanket. “ _No._ ”

Steven sighs. “Jasper's room was free last night too. Why're you even sleeping with us?”

“Cause I love you.” Steven can just barely pick up the sarcasm in between her muffled words.

Steven rolls his eyes. “Whatever.” He stands up and rips the blanket from her grasp.

Lapis's eyes shoot open. “What the hell?!”

“Get up!” He exclaims, laughing. “It's time to snowboard!”

Lapis groans, reaching up to bury her face in her arms. Why oh _why_ is she stuck in this situation?

* * *

 

They gather at the end of the ski lift on top of the Falls. Everybody's cladded in their appropriate snow gear, and now that Lapis is up and awake, her body is bubbling with excitement. Nothing can take this feeling away from her. Despite all else, she is still an adrenaline-junkie. She will ride the hell out of the these slopes.

“Everyone ready?” Steven asks, grinning like a little kid on Christmas morning.

Everybody nods and gives their approval.

Lapis looks around. Peridot isn't here yet.

“You gonna go on some black runs today, Lap?” Jasper asks from beside her.

Black runs are the hardest runs of the course. Other than double-black runs, that is. It starts with green runs, then blue, then black, then double-black.

Lapis glances at her. “Yeah,” She whispers. “Where's, um—”

“She's coming in the late afternoon. She'll make it in time for two runs before this place closes.”

Lapis nods. “Right.”

“Why?” Jasper asks with an eyebrow raised.

Lapis weighs her words down carefully. “Because I wanna make sure you have your head in the game before she arrives.” She smirks. “Once she's here, that's it, you're gone. But for now, let's see if you can beat me on the Mermaid's Drop.” Mermaid's Drop being one of the infamous black runs here in the Falls.

Jasper's face goes hard with anticipation. “You challenging me, Lazuli?” She laughs out loud. “You're fucking on.”

“What's this I hear about a challenge?” Steven asks, snowboarding to a stop beside them. “I want in!”

Jasper makes a face. “No way! You're way too good for this.”

“Oh please,” Lapis grins, shoving Jasper in the shoulder. “I'm pretty sure I can beat both of you with my hands tied behind my back.”

“Jesus, Lapis. You're never _not_ cocky, are you?” Steven muses, before jumping to navigate his board southward. “I'm assuming we're doing this on Mermaid's Drop?”

Lapis shrugs. “Where else do we start?”

They share a knowing look, before taking off, leaving Jasper in the snow.

“Hey!” She yells, her face burning with embarrassment as she tries to maneuver her board in their direction. “Guys! That's not fair!”

They take off laughing, weaving through crowds of people, through snowboarders and skiers alike. Lapis sneaks a glance over her shoulder to watch Pearl—still standing with the others at the foot at the ski lift—eye her with strange intensity, before whipping her gaze back forward. She sucks in a breath and ducks, her speed increases, everything in her body focuses on this task alone. On this feeling. Her skin is embedded into the board, one with the snow, and when she manages a jump over a particularly-icy patch of snow, she turns to flick Jasper a cocky grin.

And then she falls.

Jasper falls too, but only cause she's laughing too hard. “Fucking idiot!” She yells, pushing herself up with her elbows. “That's what you get for being so damn cocky!”

Lapis laughs, pulling herself back up on her board. “Shut up, asshole. I'm just getting started.”

“Yeah?” Jasper's grin widens as she mimics Lapis's movements. “Then let's go.”

Steven is in front of them, waving his arms around and laughing as the two girls try their best to catch up. It's obvious from the three that Steven has the most control, Lapis is the fastest, and Jasper has the greatest equilibrium of the two. Lapis whizzes past Steven with a grin, laughing when he flips her off and bends to gain speed. Jasper follows behind them, doing tricks over lumpy hills of snow. The three are the best snowboarders of the group. Amethyst and Ruby are newer to snowboarding, so they usually stick together. The skiers do their own thing most of the time, but after a few hours as Lapis, Steven and Jasper continue riding various different slopes, Pearl, Sapphire and Connie—who _isn't_ a skier but she likes hanging out with them for some reason (probably to avoid cocky assholes with Lapis)—come to join them.

“Hey,” Connie says, tipping her chin off at Steven.

Steven grins cheekily, his curly dark hair flying behind him. “Hey yourself.”

Lapis watches Pearl from the corner of her eye. Her gracefulness never fails to amaze her, even now, after so long. Pearl catches her gaze, and Lapis, shame-faced and embarrassed, immediately looks away.

She watches the way her board carves, the way it moves in the snow. And then she hears somebody slip through the snow beside her. She turns her gaze and looks up. And there stands Pearl.

“Hey,” She says, curving through the path.

Lapis swallows. “Hey,” She mumbles.

“Is she not coming?” Pearl asks.

“She?” Lapis feels her throat tighten in dread. “Who's she?”

“The girl.” Peridot raises an eyebrow. “Peridot?”

Lapis looks back, but the instant she does, her board gets stuck on the snow, and she falls forwards onto her face. “Fuck,” She spits, pushing herself up. Jasper, Steven, Connie and Sapphire whiz past her, but Pearl stops to wait for her. She doesn't know why. She licks her lips and sighs, repositioning herself so that her board faces downwards, before jumping back on her feet. She slides a few meters ahead and stops beside Pearl.

“Um—”

“Why do you keep doing that?”

Lapis bites her lip. “Doing what?”

“Being... weird.” Pearl chuckles awkwardly. “I mean, I don't know what's up with you and your 'friend' but... People don't normally react like that when someone's name is mentioned. You two looked close—”

“We're just friends.” Lapis says immediately.

That piques Pearl's suspicion even more. “Okay...” She fiddles with her ski sticks. “But you two went to the Gala together?” She says it more like a statement than a question.

Lapis colors. “Like I said, my mom was getting on my nerves and—”

“You can't seriously expect me to believe that, can you?” Pearl watches her for a moment, before saying, “Lapis, you two were in the middle of something when I arrived. I _saw_ it—”

“You saw it and you still interrupted?” Lapis asks, then stops herself. Crap. What is she doing?

Pearl pulls away in shock. “What? That's not what I—”

“Please, just—” Lapis shakes her head. “Forget you ever saw us together. Cool?”

“W-Wha—Lapis, you guys were—”

“We're getting left behind, c'mon.” Lapis kicks her board up and slides down. “See you at the bottom, P!”

Pearl makes a face. “Lapis!”

“What? Am I too fast for you?” Lapis yells from over her shoulder.

Lapis scoffs. “Like hell you are.” She turns her skis around and slides through the snow, her speed gaining with each bated breath. After a second of casual riding, Pearl passes Lapis easily, turning to shoot her the stink-eye before dropping to the bottom. Lapis keeps her teeth gritted as she rides, as she carves through the white, as she breathes.

For a moment, a part of her is forgotten entirely.

_Pearl knows._

She comes to a stop at the foot of the hill, staring silently as the rest regroup at some local cafe. They're tired. They want a break. Lapis sympathizes. Her calves are aching and her thighs feel like lead... But she can't just sit in a table with the five of them and pretend everything is all right and dandy. Not when Pearl knows that she took Peridot to the Gala. Not with Jasper sitting  _right there_ . So she repositions her board and makes her way down to the ski lift leading back up to the black runs. She goes up alone. She rides alone. For the rest of the day, she pushes her body to the limit. 

_Alone._

It's not like Lapis is drunk-of-depression or anything. She's particularly happy and excruciatingly sober. But sometimes... Sometimes she likes being alone, despite being a fan of noise and commotion. Sometimes she likes secluding herself from the rest of the world and just doing her own thing. She rides another four runs before she realizes that it's nearly closing-time. Sighing, she makes her way back up to the top. She'll catch a black run down to the main building and find her friends then. Halfway through though, she comes across an unfamiliar figure trying desperately to push herself back up after having fallen off her skis. She glides down to her side and stops, peering at her fluffy, woolen green beanie.

“Hey,” She murmurs, reaching out. “Need a hand? Slopes are closing soon. And you look kinda new.” 

The figure looks up at her, and in that single moment, the entire world around her collapses on itself. “Lazuli.” The girl huffs, her brows knitted together in frustration. 

Lapis instinctively pulls her hand away. “Peridot.” She whispers, nearly losing her balance and falling backwards. She throws her arms out, repositioning herself, before clearing her throat. “I—I didn't know you were... here.” 

Peridot looks away, one hand wrapped tightly around her ski sticks. “Yeah, I arrived about an hour ago. I met up with the others but they said you went off venturing on your own.” 

“Right,” Lapis stares at her, before forcing her gaze away. “Um, do you need help?”

Peridot's cladded in an oversized snow-jacket over three (visible) layers of clothing, a yellow neck-scarf, green beanie, and goggles that shine amidst a light honey hue. Her hands are covered in large peach gloves and her pants are an overly-bright shade of orange. Sufficed to say, Peridot is currently—and probably will forever be—the epitome of adorableness. Lapis doesn't say that, of course. Instead, she rehearses the way she's gonna apologize to Peridot for being a total asshole when all she wants to do is hump her dry and not care that one of her best friends is still unbelievably in love with her. 

Peridot sighs, pushing herself up on her elbows. “I got it.” 

Lapis purses her lips. “Really?” She asks after Peridot falls back on her rear. “I could—” 

“I'm fine, Lebedev. _”_ She pauses, avoiding Lapis's gaze. “Thanks.” 

Lapis clenches her fist. What else did she expect? “Right,” She whispers, sliding away. “Sorry. I'll, um, see you down there.” With one last glance, she turns on her toes and races through the snow, past trees and ponds alike, jumping across little craters created in the white. Despite everything, the only thing she can think of is how Peridot refused to even look her in the eye. How she sounded when she said her last name. 

She wants to fight for her. She does. She wants to get away from this tomb she's buried herself in. Steven made her realize that. 

But how can she when she still has Jasper to worry about? 

How can she when she's basically been lying to Jasper this whole time? 

Everything's a mess. 

Lapis sighs, swishing past a few other snowboarders and stopping neatly before the main building. She unbuckles the board from her feet and digs one end into the snow, leaning it appropriately against one of the stands. She inhales and looks up. Steven's standing underneath a cafe sign, waving to Lapis with two hands. Smiling, she waves back, placing her board underneath her armpit and making her way towards him. She regroups with Steven, Connie and Sapphire inside. They're later joined by Pearl and Ruby (Amethyst had already left). And then, finally, Jasper and Peridot. Together, they make their way back to their rooms. 

“So,” Steven whispers, turning to Lapis. “Who're you sleeping with tonight?” 

Lapis picks up her things and glances at the cute waitress bent seductively over the bar. The chick's been flashing her little smiles all evening. “Don't worry about that,” She murmurs, following Steven as he walks out the door. “I've got it covered.”

* * *

 

Lapis makes her way to the bathroom with a new set of clothing under one arm, and her toiletry bag under the other. Her body is aching all over from over-exertion, but a part of her relishes this feeling of accomplishment, as if she's actually done something to be proud of. Because she pushed herself. And she worked for it. She laughs to herself and shakes her head. She's absolutely mad, isn't she? 

The bathroom is public, with several shower stalls and toilet stalls separated by a tiled wall at the center. She places her things on a bench outside the stalls, right next to a duffel bag the color of oak, before stripping her jacket off, then her shirt, then her thermals, until she's wearing nothing but her sports bra, which is soaked from both sweat and melted ice. Sighing, she folds them all neatly and reaches down to undo her pants when somebody exits the stall directly next to her. 

Pearl steps out wearing nothing but a towel, hair dripping wet and skin rosy flushed. 

Lapis stares at her for a moment too long, before ripping her gaze away. 

Pearl notices Lapis after a second and takes a step back in surprise. “Oh, Lapis, I didn't see you there!”

Lapis flashes her a tiny smile. “Yeah, I just came in.”

Pearl raises her eyebrows. “Just showering?” 

“Yup,” Lapis motions to her clothes, before asking, “How's the water?” 

“Great,” Pearl breaks into a smile. “It can get really hot, so be careful.” 

Lapis chuckles. “Gotcha.”

There's a moment of tense silence in which Lapis tries to ignore completely by—very inconspicuously—pulling her pants off. Yeah. That'll undo the tension. Pearl rummages through her duffel bag—the one the color of oak—before pulling out her clothes. Lapis can't help it. She glances over. And then she sees the necklace still dangling over her neck. 

“I've never seen that before,” She blurts before she can stop herself. 

Pearl looks up, eyes wide. “What?” 

“Your necklace.” Crap. _Shut the fuck up, Lapis._ ”Is it new?”

Pearl stares down at the object before straightening. “Oh,” She reaches up to fiddle with it. “Yeah. Um, Amethyst got it for me.” 

“It's beautiful.” 

Pearl furrows her brows. “Lapis...” 

“Really, it suits your—” _Everything._ “—eyes. Amethyst really gets you, huh?”

Pearl sighs, crossing her arms over her chest. “It was a gift, Lapis.” 

“Yeah, I get it.” Lapis shrugs, unable to tear her gaze away from the little speck of grime encrusted into the foundation of the tiled block beneath her feet. “It's just—You never wear anything that isn't a diamond or a—” She pauses, pursing her lips. “—pearl.”

“Lapis,” Pearl shoots her a weak look. “I didn't throw it away or anything. It's still in my room. I just... I just didn't think it was appropriate if I kept wearing it, given current circumstances.” 

“Right, yeah, I know, I just—” Lapis bites her lip, before shaking her head. “I don't—I don't know what I'm saying. Just forget it.”

But the sight of Pearl with Amethyst's necklace instead of hers will always haunt her, no matter what she says. 

She takes a step forward and shuts herself in the stall, her body pressed against the cool walls. For a moment, as she forces her breath to remain steady and even, the room becomes so silent that Lapis can hear her own heart thumping loudly in her ear. Like a drum. A ticking time bomb. 

_Thump. Thump. Thump._

“Peridot is Jasper's girlfriend.”

A pause. Lapis shuts her eyes. “Something like that.” She says back, her voice tight and unnatural.

Pearl doesn't respond for a long time, and Lapis thinks that might be the end of it. She peels the rest of her clothes off before pulling the knob upwards and inhaling the hot water that comes pouring down above her head. She scrubs and cleans herself, eyes shut against the heat, when she hears Pearl's voice echo through the room, one last time. 

“She looked happier with you, Lapis.” 

Lapis snaps her eyes open. She hears footsteps make their way out, before a door slams somewhere distant. She takes a breath, then another. The heat becomes too much. But that's okay, she's done anyways. In a haste, she shuts the water off and takes a step out. She grabs a towel hanging from one of the hooks beside the stall before drying herself off. Her hair's a mess. Her eyes hurt from the heat too. And the exhaustion. But she forces herself to straighten and stretch. Because if she doesn't, her body's gonna be crying for solace tomorrow. So she stretches until every last knob in her body cracks and crinkles, and then she wears her clothes and leaves the bathroom with her toiletry bag under one arm. 

The hallway is quiet. But not quiet enough. Footsteps come up to meet hers. 

Lapis looks up, only to stare back at fluffy blonde hair and an ashen, exhausted face. She stops in her tracks, unable to move. 

“Peridot.” 

The girl looks up at her, one eye closed, before sighing. “Lebedev.” 

“You're—” Lapis furrows her brows. “Are you okay?”

“Fine,” Peridot mumbles, waving a hand in the air. “Just tired.” 

Of course. Lapis was tired on her first-day too. So tired that she considered quitting right then and there. “Don't forget to stretch after you shower,” She mumbles, scratching the back of her neck awkwardly. “It'll help with the sores.” 

Peridot stares at her, long and hard. “Thanks,” She whispers, before brushing past her. 

Lapis swallows. “Peridot, wait—”

“Sorry, Lapis, I'm in a hurry.” Peridot throws her a fleeting look from over her shoulder. “Jasper's waiting for me.” 

Lapis's heart stops in her chest. She pulls away, reaching up to paw aimlessly at her chest, before dropping her hand back to her side. What the hell? Her insides suddenly feel like ice. She tries to respond, to say something witty, to say something normal, but instead all that comes out is a choked cry, one that Lapis is thankful Peridot couldn't hear. She takes a step back and whirls around, heading straight for Steven's room. But her body is protesting. There's one thing she knows she has to do, before all else. She dumps the toiletry bag in the room, placing it safely atop the table right next to the front door, before marching down the steps and making her way to the cafe.

The air out here is chilly. Painfully so. And Lapis isn't wearing anything other than a thin thermal, joggers and a long-sleeved shirt. She wraps her arms around herself and forces her body to go onwards. 

Inside the cafe, the air is a little warmer, but not by much. They've turned their heater off for the night, probably because everybody's gone home already. But a few have remained. And those few lounge casually around the bar, clinking drinks and exchanging stories. Lapis tries to chase the chatter in her teeth away, before taking a few steps forward and taking a seat by the bar. 

The girl who approaches her is familiar. 

She's the same girl from this evening. The one who kept throwing her glances. “Hey there,” She greets, grinning. “What can I get ya'?” 

Lapis puts on her best smile, before leaning in. “I'll settle for a heavy shot of bourbon, and good company.” 

The girl laughs, reaching over to pour her the ordered drink. “I'm afraid we're all out of that good company you're requesting. But I can offer you something else.” 

Lapis raises a curious eyebrow. “What's that?” 

The girl places the drink on the bar, before looking up at Lapis, straight in the eye. “I think you know what it is.” 

Straight to the point.

“Well,” She chuckles, returning the gaze. “I think it'd be best if we were both on the same page here.”

The bartender laughs before leaning in. She whispers softly into her ear, so softly that the skin along Lapis's thighs prickle from more than just the cold.

Lapis smiles, watching her as she pulls away, before taking the drink. “Well then,” She raises it slightly in the air. “I'll cheers to that offer.”

The girl laughs, leaning forward and taking the drink from Lapis's fingers. She tips it over her own lips and smiles. “So will I, gorgeous.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Why is she hooking up with this random chick?! Why isn't she chasing after Peridot?!" 
> 
> I hope I made the entire situation clear in this chapter. Lapis may have grown a pair or two during her trip with Steven in the last chapter... But that doesn't mean she can just chuck what happened away and charge head-on knowing the consequences. Her best friend's head over heels for this girl. That ain't easy to just shake off. 
> 
> Okay, I promise you the next chapter will be good and have more AWKWARD MOMENTS. I LIVE FOR AWKWARD MOMENTS. 
> 
> AGAIN THANKS FER ALL THE SUPPORT GAIS <3


	9. Trigger

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm at the airport on the way back to Saipan and I'm surrounded by a crew of Frenchies and they sound so keewwwl (they're also very attractive).

“We're building a bonfire,” Jasper says excitedly, grasping Lapis on the shoulder. “Pearl's got the s'mores, Ruby's got the booze, and the entire gang's all ready to huddle together and exchange epic stories! It'll be fucking _awesome_.”

Lapis laughs, because Jasper pretty much thinks everything in life is awesome. Which is great, because, y'know, that optimism is pretty hard to come by. But it's also pretty fucking hilarious. Lapis pats her lightly on the back. “I'm assuming you've never had a bonfire before, Jasp?”

Jasper shrugs. “Once. In camp. But I was 12 and all I remember from the experience was burning my bunkmate's hair and setting one of the cabin's on fire.”

“O-kay. Well,” Lapis claps her hands together. “Let's keep you as far away from the fire as possible. Cool?” She asks with a laugh. “Where's Steven?”

“He's already there with Connie and Ruby, setting the fire up.”

Lapis nods. “And the rest?”

“Waiting for us outside,” Jasper says, flashing her a smile. “But you're the only one who knows where the Observatory is so...”

“Right, right,” Lapis takes a step forward and bows. “I'll lead the way.”

“Much obliged, captain!”

Laughing, the two make their way outside and into the hallway. Pearl, Sapphire and Peridot are already waiting outside, leaning against the wall with their jackets piled up above their necks. Lapis flicks her gaze to Peridot, just for a moment, but then she catches the tense look of apprehension crossing Peridot's features as she makes eye-contact with Jasper.

Huh.

That's... weird.

“You guys ready?” Lapis asks, trying her best to remain as natural as she possibly can. She's done a wonderful job in the past three days they've been here, and since tonight's the last night, she figures, what the hell, she can make it.

“We're ready.” Sapphire says gently, smiling.

Pearl nods as well. “Got the s'mores.” She says playfully, dangling the little bags of sweet yumness from her fingers.

Lapis chuckles, before saying, “Alright, let's go.”

The walk up to the Observatory is slow and nauseatingly quiet. Jasper tries to crack a joke a few times, but without Amethyst's obnoxious personality to rebuff her humor, there isn't much to laugh at. Pearl chuckles a few times and Sapphire's decent enough to giggle. But Lapis—and, surprisingly, Peridot too—doesn't once crack a smile.

Up top, they're greeted by a large fire dancing in the dark. Steven waves them over to a few logs stacked together around it.

“Everyone ready for the camp fire?!” He exclaims, waving his arms around excitedly as the rest of them approach.

Lapis rolls her eyes. “Such a boy scout.”

“Oh come on, Lap!” Steven laughs. “You _love_ bonfires! You're like a sucker for them!”

Which is true, but Lapis shrugs anyways. “Only sometimes, Universe.”

Pearl laughs. “Yeah right. You absolutely _adored_ it every-time we went back to the barn. It'd be your favorite time of the day. You'd have this dazed look, like you're somewhere far from Earth, and the only thing that could ever break that spell is the fire going off three hours later.”

Lapis unintentionally blushes, and, _of course,_ Jasper has to saddle up next to her and nudge her in the shoulder, making the situation a thousand times more awkward than it has to be. Lapis shoots her a wry look before turning her gaze, and that's when she catches Peridot staring right at her. They share a look, just for one fleeting moment, before Peridot whips her gaze away.

“Alright all, let's get together and start eating!” Connie exclaims, gesturing to the logs.

Connie takes a seat beside Steven, who takes a seat beside Pearl, who sits beside Peridot, followed by Jasper, then Ruby, then Sapphire, then, at the end of the circle, Lapis. She folds her hands together atop her lap and stares ahead into the ashes that burn before her. Steven and the rest did a good job setting this up. The fire's really burning tonight, despite the temperature remaining at a very unfavorable degree. She looks around their little circle, her gaze searching. Pearl passes out the s'mores, and together they dig the marshmallows into little iron rods and stick it close to the flames.

Lapis burns hers twice before she manages to get a perfect one. “I forgot how fucking tough this was.”

“That's cause you're stubborn as hell, Lapis,” Steven muses. “And you'd rather go home with a burnt marshmallow than a white one.”

Lapis rolls her eyes. “Yeah, cause who likes undercooked marshmallows? It's the fucking crunch that adds flavor to the whole s'more.”

Jasper bursts out laughing. “Leave it to Lapis to make burnt fucking marshmallows sound poetic!”

“Hey, I'm serious!” Lapis exclaims, waving her iron rod in the air. “I hate marshmallows on their own! They're too chewy and sweet. But toasted marshmallows?” She shakes her head, grinning. “Those are to fucking _die_ for man.”

“You sound stoned.” Steven says, laughing.

“Stoned?!” Ruby laughs. “We haven't even handed out the booze yet.”

“About time!” Jasper exclaims, reaching out with both hands extended. She makes a grabbing motion and Ruby, unwillingly, hands her a cooler box of drinks. Jasper grabs the beers before flinging one at everyone around her. “To start,” She says cheekily.

“Right,” Lapis chuckles, taking a sip. “To s _tart._ ”

Ruby makes a face. “ _Please_ do not get too hammered tonight. The last time the both of you got drunk, we had to haul your asses out of the bar and into the alleyway just so you guys could puke.”

Jasper raises her can, a proud grin plastered across her smug face. “The night of 04. It was a beauty.”

Lapis mimics her actions and bows her head. “May we forever remember that night, even if it will never happen again.”

Pearl turns to Steven with her eyebrows furrowed. “I'm sorry.” She shakes her head, bewildered. “Night of 04?”

Steven laughs. “The night Jasper and Lapis managed to convince four girls to go out with them.”

“Separately, of course.” Jasper says morbidly.

“Of course,” Lapis affirms, nodding. “Because it'd be weird if we all went out together. It'd be like some kinda fanny group.”

“Super gay, like Steven's oversized rainbow pants.”

Steven gasps. “Hey!”

“So,” Pearl points at the two of them, slight disgust shadowing her face. “You both hooked up with four girls separately?”

Lapis and Jasper share a look, before they both simultaneously sigh and shake their heads.

“Nope,” Lapis says, taking a sip.

“We were both too drunk by the time they agreed.” Jasper sighs again.

“Jasper nearly pissed her pants.”

“If I remember correctly, Lazuli, you were spewing some bullshit lie about being abused by your ex-husband who only wanted you because you had a killer ass.”

“Yeah,” Lapis raises an eyebrow. “And the chicks _digged_ that.”

Pearl rolls her eyes. “You two are unbearable.”

“Also I'm not sure 'digged' is an actual word.” Connie mumbles.

“I'm also pretty sure that extent of polygamy is illegal to some—” Sapphire tilts her head slightly to one side. “—tangible degree.”

Ruby snickers, draping an arm over her shoulder. “Monogamy is where it's _at._ ”

“Speak for yourself, you've been with Sapphire since you were both in diapers.” Jasper retorts spitefully.

Ruby rolls her eyes. “Untrue.”

“We had already outgrown that stage, Jasper. It was more like... the infantry age.” Sapphire says calmly.

Jasper waits a beat, before making a face. “Same thing! You two were kids when you realized you loved each other! Not many people have that kind of luxury.”

“Except you two,” Lapis says, gesturing to Steven and Connie. “I still can't believe you guys met the way you did.” She laughs. “It's like something off a chick flick, I swear to God.”

And then, for the first time since they all sat down, Peridot spoke.

“How'd you two meet?” She asks, before hiccuping. She stares down at the drink in her hand and looks up at them guiltily. “I _swear_ I'm not drunk yet.”

Jasper tenses, just slightly, but she shoots her a little smile. Lapis doesn't know why, but the sight is definitely worthy of suspicion. “Maybe it was all those cocktails you had at the bar beforehand?”

Peridot pouts—a sight Lapis secretly relishes down to her toes. “I only had like two.”

“Okay, so you're tipsy.”

“Good question though.” Sapphire says, perking up. “How _did_ you two meet, Steven?”

Steven colors slightly, before scratching the back of his neck. “Aha, well, you see—”

“The story varies every-time.” Connie admits cheekily. “Depending on the crowd, that is.”

“Oh yeah?” Jasper laughs. “And do we get the honest version?”

Lapis rolls her eyes. “ _I'll_ tell you the honest version.” She makes a big show of gesturing to the intertwined pair, before kicking her finished-can of beer onto the ground and asking for another. “Once upon a time, there was this 15-year-old boy named Steven. And he was _super_ adventurous. Always wanted to try something new. To explore. To... experience.” She shrugs. “And he just so happened to see Connie one day and realized he wanted to _experience_ her—”

“Oh for Christ's sake, Lapis, you started off so nicely too!” Steven shoots her a look, and Lapis can't help but burst out laughing at his expression.

Jasper, Ruby, Peridot and Connie laugh too. Sapphire smiles along, as she always does, although she does crack a giggle. Pearl is, like always, unamused.

“You never change, do you?” She murmurs in a low voice.

Lapis looks up and meets her gaze. “Why would I ever want to, Pearl?” She raises her beer. “I'm perfectly happy the way I am.”

And there's a challenge somewhere in that statement. A battle somewhere in their gazes. Pearl doesn't look away until Lapis finishes taking a sip, before breathing out a sigh.

“How did you and Steven meet, Lapis?” Connie asks, breaking the silence. “I keep trying to ask Steven but he won't fess up.”

Steven bites his lip. “It's—It's not a very interesting story.”

Lapis stifles a laugh and shakes her head. “Nope, it—it definitely is not.”

“The best thing about it is—”

“—we found each other.” Lapis finishes for him. “And we're best friends and nothing will ever change that.”

Steven shoots her a wink. “Yessss,” He hisses.

Connie groans. “Not this again.”

“Why so evasive?” Jasper asks amusedly, cocking an eyebrow.

Lapis shrugs. “Because it's an embarrassing story? _Duh_.”

“Lapis!”

“Oh shut up, Steven. I guess it's bout' time they found out.” Lapis extends her hands, shuts her eyes, and takes a breath. “Okay, so, basically, my dad, who loves cars—and I mean _loves—_ took his cars to Steven's dad—Greg's—carwash shop downtown every Saturday because that's where he loves getting his cars done. And back then, I was this 7-year-old kid who didn't know shit from the world. And Steven was this 6-year-old who just wanted a friend to play with, since he was secluded from the world most of the time. So one day, I followed my dad down to this amazing carwash place that he always talked about, and I met Greg, who was super nice and super cool. He felt sorry for me cause I was this kid who was bored out of her mind in a fucking _carwash_ shop, so he took me inside and lent me his ukulele and started playing some chords. And then—” She snorts suddenly. “—he totally fucking panicked when he saw the machine outside come to life, and it completely _wrecked_ my dad's car.”

Jasper narrows her eyes. “Did you just _snort_?”

“It was kind of cute.” Sapphire comments softly.

Lapis blinks, and though she tries her hardest—seriously, she really tries—to _not_ turn to look at Peridot, she does anyways. Peridot's staring back at her, eyes wide and cheeks flushed. Lapis immediately looks away. “ _Anyways,_ Jesus Christ, guys, can I get back to the story now? I mean, I know I'm irresistible but—”

Jasper rolls her eyes. “Oh please.”

Lapis takes that as confirmation.

“Okay, so anyways—”

“Lapis, _please,_ ” Steven blushes, hiding his face with a hand. “This is so embarrassing.”

Lapis snickers. “Poor little Steven didn't know what he was doing. We got out and my dad was just _steaming._ He was pouring everything out on poor Greg, screaming at him, asking why he was so stupid as to leave the damn machine on when he _knew_ his car costed like five thousand grand or some shit,” Lapis shrugs. “Useless expensive cars. Anyways, I made my way into the little hall where they got the cars cleaned and waxed, and I come across little Steven.”

Steven sighs. “Dad _told_ me there wouldn't be any customers that day.”

“Yeah, my dad made a last-minute appointment.”

“That stupid Ferrari.”

Lapis shakes her head sadly. “Dented in all the wrong places.”

“No way,” Connie gasps softly. “ _Steven_ activated the machine?!”

Lapis raises both hands in front of her. “In his defense, my dad was kind of an asshole and he deserved that—”

“That's not why I did it, Lapis!”

“ _And_ he was also 6, so...”

Steven scoffs, but he's smiling. He reaches over Connie to punch Lapis in the shoulder, and the girl merely flinches a little before rebuffing his attack. Connie has to squirm out of the way as the two wrestle with a high-five.

“You two are still infants.” Pearl mumbles mockingly, even though she's smiling as well.

Lapis straightens and laughs. “Says the girl who still watches Barbie Swan Lake every Sunday night.”

Pearl colors. “ _Lapis_ ,” She hisses. “You _know_ I only do that cause I love the play!”

Lapis smirks. “Right, right.” She doesn't know why or how but goddammit, the alcohol is really taking the edge of everything she's feeling. Suddenly, talking to Pearl becomes so much more... comfortable. It's as if their break-up never even happened. Lapis decides that this is much better than the awkward tension she's been feeding on for the last couple of days, so she takes another sip of her beer, before realizing that it's done. She reaches into the cooler box to grab another one.

“Okay, so we know how to dynamic-duo met,” Jasper says thoughtfully. “And we know how the newly-weds met.”

Steven and Connie exchange a knowing look, before Connie snuggles her head into the crook of Steven's neck.

“But how did you two meet, Ruby?”

Ruby and Sapphire look at each other for a moment, before Ruby breaks into a grin. “Let's just say, my mom hated hers. So they saw each other a lot.”

“And we bonded from that.” Sapphire says.

Peridot furrows her brows. “Hold on,” She mumbles, shaking her head. “Your mom hated hers so... Wait, _what_?”

“They always got together to compare who's got the better new car or who's salary was higher,” Ruby rolls her eyes. “Moms.”

“ _Rich_ moms.” Jasper whispers, narrowing her eyes.

“Ruby and I were raised to follow in their footsteps. To hate each other. To compete.” Sapphire adds.

And then Ruby laughs and says, “But we fell in love instead.”

Lapis blinks. Okay, that's like diabetes to the maximum. To be raised to hate, but to love instead. It's like something off a storybook all over again. Lapis stares down at the drink in her hands. She's feeling the buzz already, but it isn't much. She wants more. To feel more of this heated energy, to forget, to live. But she knows the consequences that come with that desire. And she doesn't wanna pay for it. Not again. So she places the can down and sighs, folding her hands in front of her.

_No more drinking,_ She thinks to herself.  _This is your limit._

“Pearl?” Connie looks up at the taller, skinnier girl and shoots her a whole-hearted smile. “How did you and Amethyst meet?”

Pearl stares at Connie for a moment, lips pursed, before her gaze flickers to Lapis.

But Lapis has kept her gaze on her hands. She isn't raising them now.

“Well,” Pearl clears her throat. “We were—um...”

“We met her at a concert.” Ruby offers quietly. She takes a bite out of her s'more before passing it to Sapphire, who accepts it with a smile. “Sapphy, Pearl, Lapis and I. We bumped into her and became friends.”

Lapis bites her lip. She still remembers that night. She still remembers how shitty it felt when she found out Pearl was going out with Amethyst _,_ of all people. I mean, they met on a whim. If it wasn't for Lapis's intense need to go to a concert, they wouldn't have met in the first place. Then maybe Lapis wouldn't have fucking _lost_ her.

Jasper looks at Lapis quickly. She obviously has something to say, but she doesn't say it, even though she doesn't need to cause her expression says it all.

_She didn't cheat on me_ . Lapis thinks, before looking away.  _She didn't._

_But you don't know that, Lapis._

The voices.

The voices are the worst part.

“How did you and Lapis meet, Pearl?”

Lapis whips her gaze up to meet Jasper's. What the  _fuck_ is she doing?

But Jasper's not looking at her, she's looking at Pearl. And there's this look in her eyes. There's like intense, determined look—as if... as if she  _wants_ to provoke her. Holy  _shit_ , is Jasper trying to get them back together?! 

Pearl fidgets uncomfortably. “Um, well,” She looks up at Lapis, and Lapis doesn't know why, but she holds her gaze. “We were... in dance rehearsal.”

Lapis bites the insides of her cheek. “You were ballet, I was hip-hop.”

Pearl forces a tight smile. “You were the best dancer in your crew.”

“And so were you in yours.”

“So our teachers wanted us to pair up—”

“—for the upcoming dance showroom at the Holly Ashes Theatre a month later.”

Pearl chuckles. “I  _hated_ you at first.” 

Lapis smirks. “Yeah, I still remember you saying that to my face the second time we met up for practice.”

“Can you blame me though? You were so cocky and arrogant.”

“I was _confident_ , Pearl.” 

“You were an asshole.”

Lapis's smirk only widens. “And  _you_ were  _kind of_ a bitch.” 

A pause.

Pearl laughs. “We were a match made in heaven.”

“Right,” Lapis pulls away. “Or, at least, that's what everyone thought.”

“As you can guess, our dance was the best in the showroom—even if nobody actually _said_ it cause they were too damn jealous.” 

“Salty Pearl,” Lapis winks. “She was the best partner I could have ever hoped for.”

And this entire time, while Pearl and Lapis went back and forth exchanging playful banter, the entire group held their breaths watching the scene unfold. When they finally stop, Jasper stares at the two of them in mild amazement, going from one face to another, before breathing out a heavy sigh of surprise.

“Wow,” She whispers. “You guys are—”

“ _Grateful_.” Pearl says suddenly, straightening up. “Grateful that we met.” 

Lapis blinks, before shaking herself awake. How the hell did she manage to survive that conversation? She stares at the three cans at her feet, before laughing to herself. _Right,_ _the alcohol._

“Jasper!” Ruby slaps her large friend in the back. “How did you and Peridot meet?”

Lapis almost flinches. _Almost._ But fuck, her self-control is incredibly resilient tonight.

Jasper goes red in the face. She turns to eye the little woman sitting next to her, before clearing her throat. “Well, um, she worked as a cashier at the grocery place I'm working in now for a few weeks.”

Peridot fiddles with her thumbs before speaking up too. “I messed up with some customers on my first day,” She lowers her voice down to a whisper, before saying, “Jasper came to the rescue.”

Jasper blushes, but then she's rendered speechless. She looks around the group and smiles. “She didn't—She didn't _really_ need my help. She could've handled the situation even if I hadn't shown up.”

“Sure,” Peridot chuckles. “Because I planned it all just so you can talk to me.”

And it's sarcasm and Lapis knows it, but the words still stir something within her that she hadn't known was there. She looks up at Peridot's face, observing the ways her brow ceases and her nose crinkles, before swallowing.

She can't do this.

She has to get out of here.

“Lapis,”

Lapis turns her head to look at Sapphire.

“How did you and Peridot meet?”

Lapis's mouth goes dry. “W-What?”

“You two seem like you've met before,” Sapphire says. “I've seen you two talk. I just—I assumed...”

“Um,” Lapis clears her throat. “Well, it was... I don't, um—” _Come on, fuck, Lapis, this is way too suspicious._ “It—It was at my bar, if I remember correctly...” She trails off, staring at her feet in intense concentration.

A voice interrupts her. “I walked into her bar on a whim. Everyone was talking about it and I was curious.”

Lapis wills herself not to look up. But _shit_ , Peridot is actually responding. She's responding and she's kind of indirectly addressing her. It's the first proper interaction they've had since the Gala. She knows this shouldn't be that much of a big deal, but it _is._

“Right,” Lapis licks her lips. “She asked for a Water Bitch.”

She hears Peridot scoff lightly, before Lapis finally manages to find the courage to look up. Peridot has her face pulled down in a frown, and her eyebrows knitted together in irritation.

Lapis decides she likes tugging on her strings.

“I went over cause, y'know, Jasper recognized her and I figured I should introduce myself. Little Peri instantly asked for the bar's strongest drink. I could tell right then and there,” Lapis pulls away, smirking. “She wanted to get drunk.”

Peridot takes a deep breath, before shaking her head and mouthing the words _I hate you_ underneath her breath. No one else catches it because everyone's too busy looking at Lapis.

“Aaaand that's how we met.”

“ _Actually_ ,” Peridot adds, leaning in. Lapis's heart soars up to her throat. “Lapis was very persistent I try it. I mean, yeah, I had a rough day, I wanted a drink, and the Water Bitch sounded real interesting and all but—” Peridot shrugs. “She didn't seem to mind getting me drunk either. Was _kind_ of creepy how quick she was to board the wagon, actually.”

Lapis narrows her gaze. _This little shit..._

“Lapis?” Jasper whispers, looking at her with an eyebrow raised.

Lapis instantly glances over at Steven and Connie, who're looking back at her with the same expression. “Um,” She laughs, before saying, “It was—I wanted to... I mean, it was good for business!” She colors. “I didn't _force_ it on you or anything! I wanted you to try the Water Bitch, yeah. Plus, you seemed tense! I thought it'd be better if you were more fluid with your words when Jasper came so you two could—” She pauses, shutting her mouth.

_Shit._

She wasn't supposed to mention that part, was she?

She glances at Jasper, who's staring back at her with mixed disbelief and offense.

What the hell? Why is she and Peridot even having this lie-off in the first place?

She gets up, knocking the cans over with her feet, before saying, “I'm gonna take a piss. Be right back.” And then she whirls around and walks off, completely ignoring everybody's skeptical gazes, disappearing behind the wall that separates them from the building. Instead of going inside, however, she makes a bend around the entrance and emerges on a different landing. It's a platform overlooking a valley, surrounded by the night sky above. She looks up, takes a deep breath, and sits down with her back against the wall.

“Fuck,” She whispers, covering her face. Seriously, can this weekend get any more whacked? She's on a trip with her ex _and_ the girl she's in love with for Christ's sake. _And_ one of her best friends who's in love with the same girl as she is! If this isn't the plot to a sitcom, she doesn't know what is!

She looks at her hands and frowns. If only she brought a drink. She doesn't wanna go back there. She's had her share of story-telling.

So she leans back and closes her eyes. If she lets herself drift like this... Would everything go away? Could she restart? Go back to when things were actually _good_? She hasn't had a good night's sleep in ages. The only reason she's managed to get some this weekend is cause snowboarding's exhausting as hell _and_ she has that pretty waitress to take the voices and the thoughts and the feelings away. But that stupid waitress means nothing to her. And the more they sleep together, the harder it is for Lapis to get turned on by this kind of stuff. Why did she even like one-night-stands to begin with? They're so... _pointless._

She chews on her lip, her eyes still closed shut.

She can still taste the beer on her tongue. She wants more. She wants to drink until she can't think anymore.

But that's dangerous. That's the first symptom of an alcoholic.

She remains in her spot, her arms folded around her, breathing even, legs against her chest. It feels like ages until something finally jolts her awake. She hears faint footsteps make their way towards her, but it's soft and light, and she's assuming whoever it is is only looking for the bathroom. They'll go into the building and leave her alone. No one will find her.

But then the footsteps persist.

Until they stop.

“Lapis.”

Lapis sucks in a breath. She releases it in a slow sigh, before snapping her eyes open. “You found me.” She whispers.

Peridot shifts from one foot to the other. “I wasn't trying to...” She looks around. “Why're you here?”

“Isn't it obvious?”

“The group's worried about you.”

“They'll get over it. They're used to me being like this.”

Peridot's gaze softens. “Lapis—”

“What're _you_ doing here?”

She hesitates, her hands shoved deep into her pockets. “I was just—” She pauses, biting her lip.

When no response comes, Lapis breaks the silence by saying, “Have you ever just _hated_ your existence?” Peridot doesn't answer right away, but Lapis doesn't want her to, because she continues talking before she can, “I mean, I have everything in life to be grateful for. I have my mom, financial stability, great friends, the opportunity to go out to places like these and snowboard, a stable job, lifetime supply of alcohol... And yet,” She laughs. “Yet nothing feels _right_.”

Peridot remains where she's standing. Lapis doesn't turn to see what expression she's wearing, she keeps her gaze on the stars.

“I screwed up with you, Peridot. I get that.” She shakes her head. “I'm sorry... About everything. About the stupid Gala. About Pearl. About me just being me. I didn't wanna make an effort, because I figured it'd be easier if you just hated me. If you just stayed away from me. I don't _deserve_ you, and I doubt I ever will—”

“ _Lapis._ ” Peridot takes a step forward, then another. She comes so close that Lapis is forced to look up at her face. And when she does, it takes everything in her not to pull away in fright.

_God, she's beautiful._

“You are _not_ giving me all that self-loathing I-don't-deserve-you bullshit.” Peridot sighs, looking away. “You're not perfect, Lapis, but neither am I. Nobody in this world can get something they want without sacrificing a part of themselves that they don't wanna let go of. But that's just the way life works. You're messy and inexperienced and _learning._ That's the point.”

Lapis narrows her gaze.

A pause.

“When did you get so... wise?”

Peridot scoffs, before breaking into a smile. “You make mistakes, and you learn.”

Lapis licks her lips. “I've never been good at the whole 'learning' thing. I wasn't an honor student in school.”

Peridot rolls her eyes. “Neither was I.”

“Oh, yeah right.”

“I'm serious!” Peridot huffs. “You have this view of me as some super smart nerd who breezed through high school but there's a reason I own a fucking Cyber Cafe, Lazuli! I flunked in classes just like you did, just like the majority of the world's population did! The only thing I'm majorly successful at is technology. I aced my Computers class, and that's about all I have to be proud of my whole high school career.”

Lapis laughs, staring up at her in bewilderment. “This is like finding out Luke Skywalker _isn't_ a Jedi or some shit. I do _not_ believe you.”

Peridot snickers. “I can show you my track record, if that'd help.”

“People can forge that shit, especially hackers like you!” Lapis retorts, laughing. Peridot laughs too, but then they both fall short on words. The silence that reigns in on them is like a suffocating cloud, threatening to snap the thread that they had both so carefully woven together. Lapis stares at a spot in the distance, listening to the sound of Peridot's breathing, thinking about all the ways this situation could go wrong. “What're you doing here, Peridot?” She asks again.

Peridot stares down at her feet, before taking a deep breath. “Jasper tried to sleep with me last night.”

Lapis clenches her fist.

Silence.

“How—How was it?”

Peridot sighs, shifting uncomfortably. “I couldn't—I couldn't do it, Lapis.”

Lapis instantly looks up. “What?”

She sits beside her, her arms wrapped tightly around her chest. “I told her no. I couldn't do it.”

Lapis stares at the tiny girl like it's the first time she's seeing her. She—She said _no_? To Jasper? God, is that why—That's why they were so awkward today. That's why Jasper's so weird around her. Lapis pulls away, shocked. She can't believe this. “So you don't—”

“That story that Jasper told,” Peridot interrupts her. “The one about how we met?”

Lapis nods tentatively.

“It was only half-true. Yeah, I could've handled the situation myself. Yeah, I kind of wanted to get Jasper's attention. Yeah, I kind of had a crush on her. And she liked me back, and we dated.” She shakes her head. “But Jasper was the one who was completely infatuated. I thought she was cute, but Jasper—” She laughs. “Jasper was so infatuated, she was stumbling in work, messing up the orders, tripping over boxes. And you know what the best part was?”

Lapis blinks. “W-What?”

“I asked a co-worker about it... And apparently, she's done the same thing to at least three other girls before I came.” She lets this new information sink in, before adding, “Lapis, Jasper isn't _in love_ with me. She's infatuated. She _likes_ me, yeah. But she's liked other people too. She's been infatuated with other people too. And right now, the object of her desire is me. But who knows? Maybe next week it could be some random new girl who comes to work. Maybe it could be a boxer in her gym. _Maybe_ it could even be you.” Lapis makes a face, but Peridot quickly says, “All I'm saying is Jasper will get over me. That's a known. Because that's what people do, Lapis. They move on.”

What—What the hell is even happening here? How is everyone just spewing these wise stories?! Why is everyone getting so mature except her?!

“Jesus, look at you. Witty, beautiful _and_ wise. You're like some fucking saint,” Lapis blurts out, flushing. “How do you exist?”

Peridot pulls away, startled. “W-Wha—No.” She laughs. “I am so _not_ a saint, Lazuli. Trust me, I've had my fair share of mistakes.” She waits a beat, before saying, “And I have my share of problems.”

Lapis's eyebrows pique upwards in interest. “Problems?”

Peridot shifts uncomfortably. “My, um, my rent got raised. For the lot on my Cyber Cafe. I don't—” She sighs. “I don't have enough to make a profit _and_ pay for the expenses. I'm struggling with money right now.”

Lapis pales. Shit, why didn't she know this before? She should've—She should've guessed it, what with Peridot's living situation and all. She blushes, turning away. “I'm—I'm sorry. I had no idea.”

Peridot shrugs. “I don't like sharing my financial problems with people. Don't sweat it.”

Yeah, but—

“See, Lazuli?” Peridot smiles. “I'm not as perfect as you thought I was.”

Lapis's eyes widen. “W-Well, you're _still_ the perfect combo! I mean, you're blonde and you have green eyes!”

Peridot looks away shyly. “I'm not—” She shakes her head, chuckling. “I _don't_ have green eyes.”

Lapis blinks. “I'm sorry,” She mumbles. “What?”

Peridot sighs. “I'm wearing contacts. The contacts are green.” She gestures to her face. “My eyes are brown.”

Brown. Peridot's eyes are brown. “Holy fuck,” Lapis whispers, raking her hands through her hair. “I've been living a lie.”

Peridot rolls her eyes. “Lazuli—”

“But _shit_ , I just pictured you with brown eyes and you're _still_ gorgeous.” Lapis bites her lip. “Fuck, I'm going insane. Oh my god, what is happening?”

And suddenly Peridot's hand is on her arm. She looks at her, eyes wide with uncertainty and fright, but Peridot's face is a mask of resolution. They're such polar opposites. Peridot's so self-assured... Lapis is just afraid of everything. And she channels her fear through anger and spite and humor and sarcasm. But Peridot somehow manages to see through that. To see through all of that.

“Lazuli,” Peridot takes a deep breath. “I _was_ looking for you. I didn't just come out here by coincidence.”

Lapis releases a shaky laugh. “Yeah,” She whispers. “I figured.”

Peridot doesn't take her eyes off Lapis's when she speaks, and the very intimacy of the action causes Lapis's entire body to prickle with lust. “When—When Jasper kissed me... It didn't—It didn't _feel_ right,” Peridot hesitates, before saying, “I thought maybe it would. I thought maybe I could make it work again. But... There was something missing, and it was obvious from the start. There was no spark. No—” She licks her lips. “— _trigger._ ”

Lapis blinks. “Trigger?”

And suddenly Peridot is kissing her.

Lapis feels an amalgamation of feelings erupt within her, consuming her with heat and emotion and raw, animalistic instinct. Peridot's lips taste so sweet. They taste so sweet and so gentle and so beautiful, she doesn't ever wanna pull away. Not for anyone, not for anything _._ Her heart's beating so crazily fast, she can hardly believe her chest isn't already bruised to the bone. She forgot how amazing this is, how right it feels to kiss her. But the moment is over too quickly.

Peridot pulls away, eyes shut, breathing soft. She lets her eyelids flutter open, before whispering, “ _That_ trigger...”

Lapis lets her jaw hang slack for a moment or two, before rolling her tongue over the skin of her lips, searching for the remnants of the kiss that made her head spin and her heart race. “Peridot—”

“I love you, Lapis Lazuli Lebedev.” Peridot whispers, blushing like some adorable dork, before saying, “There's no other suitable explanation as to why I keep coming back like this.” And then she smiles, so sadly, so pathetically, before pulling away and getting back up on her feet.

The sudden loss of heat drives Lapis to the verge of extinction. She stares at Peridot's little stretching form before swallowing. What is she gonna do?

“I'll see you back there, Lazuli.”

Lapis opens her mouth to try and stop her, to try and do _something_ , but her voice is caught at the end of her throat and she can't seem to retrieve it. She watches her go, watches her disappear behind the wall, and then all too suddenly, despite everything else, Lapis finds herself feeling the happiest she's felt since this entire trip began.

_Oh my God._ She laughs to herself, digging her thumbs into her wet eyes.  _I love her too._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaand that marks the end of the snow trip chapters! 
> 
> THIS ONE WAS FUN TO WRITE ESPECIALLY THAT LAST BIT MUAHA.  
> THANKS FOR ALL THE SUPPORT GAIS, I LOVE Y'ALL <3


	10. A Process

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yoooo so chapters aren't gonna be posted as often as before now haha. Cause y'know, school's started and all that. Also my laptop charger broke but I'm getting a new one on Tuesday! If you want updates, just follow me on Tumblr!

To be back in the bar again, after everything that's happened at the Falls... It's insufficient to say that it isn't less than anti-climactic. Lapis doesn't know what she had expected. But she hadn't expected... _this._ To be overtly-confused about her ex and head-over-heels for her best friend's 'kinda' girlfriend. Peridot's kiss is still reeling in her head like some sick disease she can't get rid of, and despite her best attempts to, not even alcohol can purge her of this dangerous feeling.

She _loves_ Peridot. She never believed she could love anyone ever again. Not after Pearl.

But she does, this entire situation proves it. And for some reason... Peridot feels the same way. That's even crazier, especially after all the shit Lapis has put her through. Can you imagine? Why does she keep coming back?

_I love you, Lapis Lazuli Lebedev. There's no other suitable explanation as to why I keep coming back like this._

Lapis laughs to herself, stroking the little bell she had taken down from the door tucked underneath the counter. “Love, huh?” She sighs, shaking her head. “What a deathtrap.”

And then the door opens. Lapis whips her gaze up to meet Jasper's, and then Amethyst's, and then—

“C'mon, P. Just a beer! Your performance isn't till like 11.”

The tall, peach-haired girl sighs. “I will _not_ show up to the gallery _drunk_ , Amethyst. Do you not see how bad that makes me look?”

Amethyst smirks. “I think it'd make you look bad _ass._ ”

Pearl snickers. “Idiot.”

Jasper waves at Lapis, who awkwardly waves back. The trio take their seats at the bar, and Lapis, who's trying her best to figure out how to handle this situation, goes to get them drinks. “So, three beers?”

“ _Just_ two.” Pearl murmurs coolly, shooting Amethyst a quick glare.

The purple-haired Latina rolls her eyes. “Pearl's just being a spoilsport.”

“Excuse you, Amethyst. I'm professional.”

Amethyst laughs, and from the corner of Lapis's eyes, she catches her hand slowly slide its way down Pearl's thigh. “Right. _Professional._ ”

Okay, so that's probably not something Lapis wants to see, so she adverts her gaze to Jasper instead.

Bad idea.

The girl looks so depressed, she might fall dead on her counter right then and there. Lapis hands a bottle to Amethyst before placing one in front of Jasper. She leans in, clearing her throat. “You okay?”

Jasper looks up at her for a moment, before dropping her gaze. “Yeah.”

Lapis smiles. “You lie a lot better when you aren't depressed, Jasp.”

Jasper shrugs. “Just tired.”

“Right,” Lapis shifts uncomfortably. “Does this—Um... Does this have anything to do with—” She fidgets. “—Peridot?”

Jasper stares at her for one good moment, before sighing. “She doesn't wanna be with me, Lap. She made it clear this weekend.”

Oh. Oh boy. Lapis flushes, scratching the back of her neck sheepishly. “How—How do you know?”

“Well,” Jasper lifts her head, just slightly, in order to take a swig of the beer. “I tried to—y'know... _make my move_ ,” She means sleep with her, but Lapis already knows how that worked out. “And... she just—she didn't want to. She blew me off. I kissed her too, but she was hardly into it. When I dropped her off at Mormont after the snow trip, she...” Jasper looks at her hands sadly. “She said she doesn't think she can do this. She said it'd be better if we just stayed friends.”

Lapis flinches, before she instinctively turns to look at Amethyst and Pearl. They're both gazing at Jasper sympathetically, but only Pearl turns to meet Lapis's eye. There's a message in her gaze, but Lapis is unwilling to accept it. She turns back to Jasper and lays a compassionate hand atop her shoulder. “Shit, I'm really sorry, Jasp.”

Jasper shrugs and sighs. “I guess I should've expected it. I don't know. She's just... not that into me.”

“But a ton of other people are!” Lapis nervously gestures around her. “The world's a big place! You never know when you might meet Ms. Right!”

Jasper purses her lips but she says nothing. Lapis doesn't know what else to do. What can she say to her depressed best friend when the reason she's depressed brings her so much joy? This is horrible! Jesus, so much for friend of the year. Lapis might very well be antagonist of the year.

“I gotta piss,” Jasper mumbles miserably.

Lapis flinches because Jasper literally sounds about ready to roll over and die. And _she's_ partially the reason for that.

The three watch her go. After a moment of awkward silence, Amethyst clears her throat and says, “I better go check up on her. Make sure she isn't... puking or something.”

Pearl shoots her a tiny smile, and the purple-haired Latina leaves in search of the taller, more muscular girl.

_Of course_ , Lapis thinks amusedly.  _Just me and Pearl now._

Lapis leans on her elbows and sighs. “Thank you,” She whispers, looking away. “For not telling Jasper about me and Peridot.”

Pearl waits a beat, staring heatedly at her face with bemused contemplation, before saying, “I'm still not so sure what the situation is... But I'm not one to meddle in somebody else's business.”

Lapis chuckles. “Yeah, you've always hated getting involved with other people's shit. Like that time when Jasper and I were fighting cause she wanted us to pair up for the boxing tournament but I had already made arrangements with someone else.”

Pearl rolls her eyes. “You two were _so_ immature about it,” She smiles. “You would come home and complain and I'd just tell you to suck it up.”

“Right,” Lapis laughs lightly. “Honestly, your apathy kinda made me feel better about it, like it wasn't that big a deal, like Jasper and I were gonna be okay.”

Pearl lets her gaze linger on her face for a moment. “I knew you two were gonna be.” She says. “You two are friends, Lapis. Best of friends. And things may not be perfect, but you've always been there for each other. That friendship won't break easily.”

Lapis's heart skips a beat. She looks down at her hands and laugh. “Yeah,” She whispers, licking her lips.

A pause.

“So,” Pearl adjusts her position on the stool. “What _is_ the situation?”

Alas, the inevitable question. Lapis had expected it... But that doesn't make it any easier to talk about. “Well,” She straightens and clears her throat. “To summarize, Jasper and Peridot are ex's. Jasper's still into her, Peridot isn't.” She shrugs. “I met her before I found out about that whole thing and...” She bites her lip. “Things got complicated, I guess.”

Pearl chuckles softly, leaning on her elbow. “It's never simple with you, is it, Lapis?”

Lapis narrows her gaze. “The situation isn't _ideal_ , Pearl. It's not like I wanted to get involved with my best friend's ex.”

“You do realize Peridot doesn't feel the same way. I'm assuming you do, considering you _just_ said it.”

Lapis flinches and crosses her arms. “What's your point?”

Pearl sighs. “Lapis, do you like this girl?”

Lapis stares at her for a moment, blushing. “Um,” She looks away. “Kinda, I guess.”

“Then why aren't you chasing after her?”

“I—I don't know. Why're you so interested in it?”

“Because I _care_ about you, Lapis. I only want what's best for you.”

Lapis laughs humorlessly. “If you care so much, maybe you shouldn't have left me in the first place.”

Pearl blinks, her eyes going wide with shock.

_Fuck_ . 

Did she  _really_ just say that?

Lapis freezes, uncurling her arms from her body before turning away.

“I-I mean—” She shuts her eyes. “Um, I was just—I didn't mean—”

“Lapis...”

“Just ignore I ever said that.”

“ _Lapis._ ”

“What?” She forces out breathlessly, turning to eye the other girl with embarrassment and hurt.

Pearl only stares back at her with sadness. “I'm sorry,” She sighs, clenching her fists. “I never—I never gave you an appropriate reason for the break-up. I never gave you a chance for... _closure_ , so to speak.”

Closure. Lapis has half-a-mind to accuse it of being a fat lie. Some false concept to make you feel better about ending a relationship. She doesn't _say_ that, of course, because she's decent and, frankly, her tongue's kind of knotted inside her mouth because of what she had just said a few seconds ago.

“Look, Lapis,” Pearl looks at her with so much emotion, Lapis almost feels compelled to forgive her. “What we had was real, and I'll never forget it. You and I—We were something that everybody wanted to strive for. Except Steven, Connie, Ruby and Sapphire cause, y'know—”

“—They're practically one person.” Lapis and Pearl say in unison, before they both clamp their mouths shut and sheepishly turn away.

“Lapis... I was happy with you, and you treated me well, and for a long time, I thought that was gonna be it. I thought we were set.”

Oh God, Lapis doesn't know how much more of this she can take.

“But?” She whispers, looking up at her sadly.

Pearl sighs. “But we were—we _are—_ very... _different_ people.” She shakes her head. “I like staying home watching movies, cuddling on a sofa. You actually like watching it in the movie theatre for full effect. I like orchestras and plays and, occasionally, the quiet. But you? You like literally everything else. Concerts and raves and parties and the noise.” She bites her lip. “You wanna sky-dive and bungee-jump, dirt-bike and race. You like going to extreme lengths to feel alive. I just like... sitting. Watching. Staying home. I like playing it safe.”

Lapis blinks. She's never thought about it that way. It's true. _Definitely_ true. She can still recount the times she's tried dragging Pearl out dancing in a club, or go-kart racing at the local fair. She turned her down each time.

“We weren't... compatible enough to live a whole life together.”

Lapis works her jaw. “Some couples do,” She murmurs. “Some polar opposites get along just fine.”

Pearl looks away. “Some do...”

“Just not us, right?”

“Lapis—”

“What else?” Lapis shrugs. “I know there's more.” She doesn't mean to sound so spiteful, to sound so uncaring, to sound so harsh, but she's on a roll.

She's angry. She's frustrated. But more than all that, she's hurt.

Pearl furrows her brows. “We... We had a lot of arguments.”

Lapis rolls her eyes. “ _Tons_ of couples have loads of arguments!”

“No, you don't understand, Lapis.” Pearl says. “We're both... dominant. We're both stubborn. We see what we want, and we fight for it. That's—That's not the greatest combo.”

“What do you mean?”

“Our arguments were mostly because both of us were too big-headed or proud to let the other win. _Most_ of our arguments—and I'm including the really bad ones, the ones where you had to leave the house and sleep at Steven's for a few days—were because I didn't wanna admit you were right and I was wrong, and the other way around. We're—We're so territorial, so possessive, so _proud_...” She shakes her head. “It couldn't work, Lapis.”

Okay, so... Lapis has to hand it to her. That's a good point.

“And?”

Pearl blinks. “And?”

“There's more.”

“Lapis—” Pearl glares at her. “There's nothing else.”

But Lapis is unconvinced. She wants to hear it from her mouth. She _needs_ to. “Liar.”

“ _Lapis,_ I—”

“We both know why you really ended it. Why you _had_ to end it.”

Pearl is unnerved. “Lapis, come on.”

Lapis shakes her head. “And?” She pushes.

Pearl stares at her for a moment, her brows pulled downwards, lips curled into an unpleasant frown. She turns away, sighing, before her expression morphs into one of dejected guilt. “And,” She whispers. “I lost feelings for you.”

There it is.

The big one.

Lapis waits. She waits for the sledgehammer to come whamming into her chest. She waits for her world to start crumbling around her. She waits for her body to stop functioning completely... But none of those happen. She knew it. She had expected it, from the start. But she thought maybe hearing it would make her feel better by feeling worse. She thought she could get all the feelings out. But they're not going away. They're still there. And it doesn't hurt any more than before, but it doesn't hurt any less either.

“It happens.” Lapis whispers, biting her lip. “Thanks... for telling me.”

Pearl still looks worried though. “Lapis?”

Lapis raises her head, just slightly.

“I still love you.” She smiles sadly. “Just... not in the same way.”

Okay, so that hurt a little. But that's only cause Lapis hadn't expected it. She scratches the back of her neck awkwardly and laughs. “Isn't this the part where I get my closure? Cause I'm not feeling it.”

Pearl shakes her head. “Closure isn't a moment, Lapis.” She turns her head just as Amethyst and Jasper rejoin her at the counter. She leans in so that they can't hear, and whispers, “It's a process.”

Ever the wise one. Like usual, everybody else seems to be knowing what's going on except her. She smirks and waves her off. “Whatever, Gandhi.”

Pearl chuckles.

“Alright, we're heading off.” Jasper murmurs, throwing Lapis a loose grin. “Ame just convinced me to take a walk down the harbor, see if maybe the sea can clear my head up a bit.”

“Want me to come?” Lapis asks, throwing a rag over her shoulder. “I could close shop early, keep you company?”

“Nah, I think I need to do this alone.” Jasper grins brightly. “But thanks, Lap. You're the best.”

Lapis flushes, turning away. Just at that moment, she catches Pearl's eye. But Pearl immediately looks away because Amethyst has casually thrown an arm around her shoulder. Now, Pearl and Lapis definitely had a moment just then. And Lapis is slowly working her way towards this process of closure that Pearl's been talking about... But that doesn't make it any easier to watch Amethyst handle what had once been hers. She swallows, before looking away.

_Amethyst sure doesn't know her boundaries, does she?_

And then guilt hits her in the chest. _Goddamn it, Lapis. Simmer down. Pearl isn't yours to be jealous for anymore._

“We'll drop you off.” Pearl says to Jasper before turning back to Lapis with a smile. “See you soon?”

Lapis nods. “Yeah,” She murmurs, not once taking her eyes off Amethyst's arm. She clears her throat and says, “Thanks for coming by.”

Amethyst actually looks at her, and Lapis becomes so flustered she has to tear her gaze away. But Amethyst seems to realize the tension, because she immediately pulls her arm away. “Um,” She smiles awkwardly. “No sweat.”

Jasper glances in-between them and sighs. “At least I'm not the only one with problems.”

Lapis flinches. “Woah. Low blow, bro.” She hisses.

Jasper raises her arms in defense, before clapping them together and bowing. “Shit. Sorry.” She apologizes sincerely, her voice dripping with regret. “I just feel like shit. Everything's a mess right now.”

Lapis sympathizes, so she flicks her wrist in the air and says, “Whatever, you big, lovable piece of meat. Get out of here before you make us all cry.”

Jasper shoots her a grin before nodding. He follows the other two as they make their way out, and for the hundredth time this week, Lapis has to release the breath she didn't know she was holding.

Her friendship with Jasper feels like a powder-keg about to explode. It shouldn't feel like that. Ever.

She glances down the table where a pretty blonde seems to be seated at the far end. After that conversation with Pearl, she feels the need to boost her confidence again. To have a little 'go' injected back into her ego. She wipes her hands across her apron and trudges down the length of the bar, grabbing a whiskey bottle from one of the lower shelves and placing it neatly in front of the pretty blonde girl.

“Hey,” She says, tipping her chin off at her.

The girl grins, raising her eyes. “Hi there.”

“You alone tonight?”

The girl shrugs. “Pretty much. My friends are with some dudes at the arcade machines.”

Lapis purses her lips. “Want something to drink?”

“Only if you're buying.”

_Typical_ . Lapis forces a smile and raises the whiskey. “I'll give you two glasses.” 

The girl laughs. “You're too kind, bartender.” 

_Bartender. Peridot calls me bartender._

She pours a glass for her, before placing it on the bar. “Here you go.” 

The girl's pretty, that's for sure. And she has a curvy figure with nice breasts and a perky booty. Lapis appreciates that. But she has shit communication skills. She's a little ego-centric and abrasive, and she has all these little quirks that she does—like hair-flipping and shoulder-rolling and eye-glazing. Lapis...  _doesn't_ appreciate that. Despite it all, all she can think about whilst talking to this girl is how different she and Peridot are in terms of attitude. Peridot's sweet but sultry, she's shy but confident, she's comfortable but awkward. This girl is just... the complete opposite. 

But Lapis has dealt with worse before. She's dealt with girls who laugh at things that aren't even funny, girls who spit out their drinks for no apparent reason, girls who badmouth their friends (even when their friends are sitting  _right there_ ) and Lapis thinks she can handle this one. Besides, it's not like she's looking for something permanent. She wants to sleep with her. That's it.

But the more she thinks about it, the harder the thought's becoming. 

“Another one?” Lapis asks incredulously. “You've already had your two. I'm not giving you another free drink.” 

The girl makes a face. “Aw, come on. You're soooo nice. And you're soooo fucking hot.” When Lapis still refuses to comply, she places the empty glass down and sighs. “Fine. Wanna get to fucking already?” 

Lapis sighs in relief. “I thought you'd never ask.”

“Your place or mine?” 

“Can't leave the bar, sweet cheeks.” She nods her head at the supply room behind her.

“Hm,” The girl shrugs and gets up. “Cool with me.”

They pack into the little room, with Lapis shutting the door behind her. The second they're alone, the girl pins her against the wall, her lips smacking against her face on every part with exposed skin. Lapis shivers, the girl's fingers deftly making their way across her stomach and to her back. She's definitely a good kisser, and she's definitely had her share of one-night-stands before. Lapis is getting swept away by it all, by the heat, by the moment—But... something feels... 

...Different. 

“Fuck, you're hot.” She whispers seductively into Lapis's ear. 

Lapis shuts her eyes, enjoying the way her skin prickles with lust. “So are you.” 

The girl strips off her shirt, then strips off Lapis's. Soon they're making out in only their underwear, the girl's fingers buried in Lapis's hair, and Lapis's legs intertwined with hers. Her entire body is tingling with longing and desire, an immediate reaction to the intimacy. She's always loved this. This feeling. It's never been a problem to her, and Pearl's always satiated her sex drives... 

But fuck, why can't she be fully into this right now? 

She's  _always_ loved sex! 

Lapis grits her teeth, her eyes still shut, her body still burning. But when the girl pulls away to place a kiss against her mouth, Lapis finally sees the reason for her dissatisfaction. At the forefront of her mind, buried underneath all her pride and ego and guilt and regret—

—Is Peridot's face.

Staring at her through the lens of a pair of green contacts. Her cheeks are rosy flushed, her lips parted, her breath uneven. It's an image of her just after she kissed her up at the Observatory two days ago. It still looks crystal clear. It still...  _feels_ crystal clear. 

Lapis instantly pulls away. “Stop,” She whispers breathlessly, opening her eyes. “Stop, we can't do this.” 

The girl stares at her like she's mad. “W-What?!” She splutters. “Did I do something wrong?” 

“No, no,” Lapis offers her a tight smile. “I just—I can't do this. I have... someone else in mind.” 

The girl raises a skeptical eyebrow. “So? Just pretend she's me or somethin'.” 

“I can't.” 

“But—” 

“Look, you're great, and it's been great meeting you.” Lapis bends down to pick up her discarded shirt and pants, before tugging them on. “But I have to go, and you need to reevaluate your life decisions.” 

The girl furrows her brows. “What?” 

“Nothing.” Lapis leans in to kiss her on the cheek. “See ya'.” 

She exits the room quickly, closing it behind her to give the girl some privacy to collect her thoughts (and clothes). She rakes her fingers through her hair, trying to steady her breathing, before her gaze falls on Sadie, the senior waitress. “Sadie!” She calls out, waving. 

The short, curvy blonde girl spots her and smiles. She makes her way through the crowds and plants herself on the bar. “What's up, Lapis?” 

“Think you could handle the bar without me tonight?” Lapis asks pleadingly, her hands held out in front of her. “I gotta—I gotta do something _really_ important. And it'd be great if you could take over.” 

Sadie brightens. “Of course, Lapis! You know that's not a problem. Though I'm very flattered you'd trust me with this responsibility.”

Lapis rolls her eyes. “You've been working here since this place opened, Sadie. I'm  _pretty_ sure you've earned your keep.” Sadie blushes and smiles, and Lapis responds by giving her a light tap on the back. “Thanks again, Sadie!” 

“Take care, boss!” 

Lapis races out of the building, grabbing her leather jacket and bag on the way out. She stops by her bike parked in the alleyway next to the building, and straps everything on before revving the engine. With a quick glance back at her bar, she slides through the pavement and speeds down the street. 

What did Jasper say again? 

After they dropped her off at... Mormont? 

That's two blocks away from where Ruby and Sapphire live. That's not far, maybe a twenty-minute drive, fifteen by bike. There are a ton of apartment buildings there though, and Lapis doesn't know which one Peridot lives in, but she's way too distracted to heed any attention to  _details_ . Naw, she's a spontaneous bitch. She whizzes past neighborhoods and buildings alike, stopping appropriately at red lights and skimming a few yellow ones, before finally, she makes it to the homy little district of Mormont. This place is known for its... relatively cheap apartments. But they're hella small, according to Sapphire, and definitely not appropriate for living. They're rats and sewage problems and shit. 

Lapis blinks, staring up at the stout buildings. Peridot lives  _here_ ?

No wonder she was so impressed with her apartment. 

She takes a deep breath and parks her bike by the curb, before walking down the sidewalk towards the block of mailboxes all stacked together in front one of the buildings. She skims through the surnames, looking for one that starts with a G. When she finds none, she heads down the sidewalk towards the other building and repeats the process. Some buildings don't even have mailboxes! They just have these bronze plates with names on em', and they're all so badly arranged. Some don't even have names. Some are vacant, while some others have faded off into the bronze. 

Lapis sighs, taking a step back. She's gone through the entire block and still no sign of Peridot's apartment. 

But wait... Peridot isn't living here alone. She has a roommate. 

Thunk, was it? 

Crap, Lapis doesn't know his last name though. 

What is she gonna do now? 

She looks down the narrow sidewalk, her brows furrowed, hands clenched. And that's when she sees him. 

It's him. Thunk. Right there!

Lapis's heart leaps to her throat, and in under a minute, she has him in her grasp. 

“You!” She exclaims, grabbing him by the shoulder.

He jumps. “Oh my god, I'm sorry! Here, you can have my money!” 

“What?!” Lapis shakes her head. “No, that's not why I—” 

Thunk's eyes widen. “It's you.” He says, raising his dark, bushy eyebrows. “You're Peridot's friend.” 

Lapis blinks. “Yes!” She says immediately. “I—I need to see her. Do you think I could—”

“It's up this apartment,” He instructs, pointing to one of the taller buildings with his index finger. “Room 105 on the third floor.” 

Lapis brightens. “Thanks, Thunk!” 

Thunk stares at her. “You know my name.”

Lapis shrugs awkwardly. “She's mentioned you a few times.”

“Oh.” He takes a step back and smiles. “Well, I'll give you two some privacy. I gotta run down to the store to get some groceries anyways.” 

Lapis returns the smile. “Thank you again. I'm so glad I bumped into you.”

“Hey, no worries!” He winks. “I'm sure she'll appreciate the gesture too.” 

What? 

Lapis opens her mouth, before clamping it shut. Thunk's already walked off anyways. She turns back to the apartment building, before taking a deep breath and making her way inside. 

_Alright, Lapis. This is it._ She thinks confidently, tapping the up button for the lift.  _The grand finale._

The elevator doors part to let her inside, and when she steps in, the first thing she realizes is that this place doesn't smell as bad as she thought it would. Especially this elevator! Damn, it smells good in here. Like... soap and lavender. Or pastries. She isn't sure. Maybe her nose is just screwed up.

Like her life.

Lapis laughs lamely just as the elevator stops and the doors part again. She steps out, looking around, before heading off in search of room 105. It's the fifth door to her left. She stands before the door with her fist raised for a good minute, before she realizes that she has absolutely no idea what she's gonna say. She swallows. Fuck. Why the hell is she here again? Well, she  _knows_ why she's here, but—It's like 10 PM. It isn't  _that_ late but it's late enough. And a little creepy. God, what if Peridot thinks she's a creep? What if she rejects her? What if she slams the door in her face?!

_Sitcom, Lapis. Your life is a siiitcooom!_

And for some reason, the voice in her head sang that whole line instead of just saying it. 

_Fuck it, you're here anyways. Take the leap._

_Get rid of the ghosts._

She lowers her fist and knocks. 

Three times. For good effect.

She waits approximately fifteen seconds (fifteen seconds of hyperventilating and screaming at herself for being such a major spontaneous bitch) before the door swings open. The girl on the other side has messy blonde hair, sticking out in all different directions, with a pair of black glasses perched on her nose, soft brown eyes, fair, freckly skin, a loose green tank-top and boxer shorts. She stares up at Lapis for a good second, before her expression breaks into one of complete shock. 

“Lapis?!” She looks around, bewildered, before setting her eyes on her again. “What—What're you doing here?” She colors. “How did you even find me?!” 

Lapis blinks. 

Brown eyes.

Ooooh fuck, there goes her voice. 

“L-Lapis?” Peridot squirms, her brows furrowing in that cute way they do. “Is—Is everything alright?”

Lapis gulps. “Peridot,” She whispers, her voice coming out strained and croaky. She clears her throat and shakes her head, before saying, “Peridot, I'm here for you.” 

Peridot makes a face. “What?” 

_Well, that sounded way better in my mind. And a lot less creepy too._

“I mean,” Lapis scratches the back of her neck. “I'm, um, I'm here because—because you—and me—I mean,” She shuts her eyes. “ _Fuck_.”

With a hand on the doorframe and another on Peridot's shoulder, she leans in and captures her in a clumsy kiss. They pull away after their noses collide.

“Ow!” Peridot exclaims, taking a step back. Her glasses are tilted because of the collision.

Lapis blushes, reaching up to rub at the sore spot on her nose. “Shit, I'm—I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to—”

“You really know how to make an impression, don't you?”

Lapis smiles awkwardly, her face heating up to an unfavorable degree. If she thought whiskey could get her all hot, wait till you see the power of the Peridot! “Well, go big or go home, right?”

Peridot looks up at her, the corner of her lips quirked upwards in a cheeky smile. She looks away, blushing, before folding her arms over her chest. “You could've—You could've called or something to tell me you were coming.” She blushes even more. God, can she get any cuter?! “I would've changed or, at least, fix my hair or something.”

Lapis grins, reaching out to ruffle her outrageously thick mane. Peridot groans in response. “I'm a sucker for unorthodox hairdos.”

Peridot stares at her, before shyly gesturing inside. “Do you want to come in?” She whispers.

Lapis takes a good moment to reply, mostly because she's still hyperventilating. _And—_ added bonus—she's now also horny as fuck and her heart's doing all these weird flips! Yeah, not a good combo.

“Sure.”

Lapis takes a step inside.

Peridot sucks in a breath. “By the way, I made a new rule,” She focuses her gaze on Lapis's surprised face.

“New rule?” Lapis laughs awkwardly. “What do you mean?”

“It's just a precaution.“ She says, shrugging. “No biggie.”

Lapis isn't reassured. “Okay... What is it?”

“All hot, young bartenders have to be naked upon entering.”

Lapis feels her heart rate pick up—if that's even possible. She blinks, before her lips split into a grin. “ _All_ hot, young bartenders?”

Peridot holds her gaze. “Nah,” She takes a step forward, and suddenly her arms are around Lapis's waist, and Lapis's are around her shoulders. “Just mine.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't say I never did nothing for you guys. 
> 
> JK.
> 
> All your comments last chapter were soooo lovely! God, they make my days, my nights, my existence!!! I haven't gotten around to replying them yet, but I will! Trust in that :D
> 
> Again, thanks for following this story! The support I get for this is just unbelievable, I'm so happy! <3  
> ALSO FUCK GUYS
> 
> THE RECENT SU EPISODES.  
> JESUS  
> KILL ME  
> LAPIDOT IS CANON
> 
> NOW WHAT I WANT NEXT... IS FUSION


	11. Perfection

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I bloody hate school urrrghhh.

Okay, but honestly, there are _no_ words that can adequately describe the feeling of Peridot's lips on hers. It just feels... sensational. Like all her emotions are bursting out at once. Like her body's on fire and her mind's free-falling off a cliff. Like every single speck in this universe has aligned for her. Like her heart's never gonna stop beating. Like she's infinite, immortal—endless.

And it's _this_ moment. This right here. This is why she's held on for so long.

 _She_ is why she's held on for so long.

Lapis knows now, why she asked her to stay, why she wanted to stay friends with her.

“Peridot Guntherson,” Lapis whispers onto her lips, pushing her up against the wall. “I love you too.”

Peridot shuts her eyes, moaning when Lapis sucks at a spot on her neck. “God, just—” She laughs. “Just make love to me already.”

Lapis stares up at her and grins.

“Shit, my—my apartment's only got like one room. Thunk and I share bunk-beds.” Peridot says ashamedly, blushing when Lapis pulls away to look her in the eye. _“_ Sorry, I would've cleaned up a bit if I knew—” 

“Shh,” Lapis leans in to kiss her on the forehead. “We'll make do, stranger.” 

Peridot smiles. “You're—” She swallows. “You're sure you're okay with this? With... us?” 

Lapis raises an eyebrow. “I wouldn't be here if I wasn't sure, Peridot.” 

“Yeah,” She laughs cheekily. “How'd you even find me here anyways?” 

“Fate.” Lapis winks. “The connection is real, baby.” 

Peridot sticks her tongue out. “Ew, you're gross.” 

Lapis giggles, leaning in to kiss her lightly on the cheek, before kissing her nose, and then her other cheek. “And you're adorable.” 

Peridot sighs lovingly. “I missed you.” 

Lapis's heart skips a beat. She wraps her arms around Peridot's waist and pulls her in, their bodies meshing together like perfect puzzle pieces. Every time she breathes, she gets a whiff of her sweet scent. And God, is it intoxicating. “It's been two days, stranger.” 

“No,” Peridot looks up at her sadly. “It's been so much longer than that.”

Because she and Peridot were on-and-off ever since that first night they met. They were never official since then. That's Lapis's fault. She looks down at her feet and says, “I hope... that time hasn't changed anything.”

Peridot takes her by the chin and lifts her face to meet hers. “I told you, Lazuli.” She smiles coyly before leaning forward to capture her in a kiss. “I love you. That's not changing anytime soon.”

Lapis shuts her eyes and sighs into her lips, savoring the feel of it pressed against her own. Peridot pulls away, eyes lidded and lips moist, and Jesus Christ it is literally the sexiest, most beautiful thing Lapis has ever seen in her entire life. She bites the inside of her cheek to keep from squealing. “Peridot,” She whispers, tilting her head to one side. “I think I'd like to sleep with you now.” She pauses, before quietly adding, “And you only.” 

Peridot's eyes soften. She smiles, before leaning in to kiss her neck—earning a shiver from Lapis. Peridot takes her by the wrist and leads her through the masses of dirty clothes and broken game controllers before pushing past the door to the bedroom. Her room smells like... soap. Soap and lavender. Or maybe pastries. 

Was Peridot the one who made the elevator smell so good?

Her room isn't any less messy than the living room is, but there's a certain aesthetic to it. It's small, cramped, and a little scary, if Lapis is completely honest. The artwork and photographs pasted across the walls and shelves are of mostly game characters, fantasy landscapes, or just creepy things like a skull or a blade and blood and shit like that. She doesn't expect any different. Laughing, she follows Peridot to the top bunk, where Peridot has to wait patiently as Lapis climbs over her. 

“Convenient,” Lapis whispers, placing herself directly above the littler girl. 

Peridot blushes, grinning up at her with mild amusement. “Right, cause I was so expecting this to happen when we picked out the beds. Plus, if Thunk took the top bunk and falls, I'd die.” 

Lapis chuckles, straightening so that she can take her shirt off, revealing the skinny black bra underneath. Peridot blushes at the sight, her hands clenched beside her. Man, she's cute. Lapis can't take it. She wants every part of her. She leans in to kiss her lightly on the lips, breathing out a sigh of relief when Peridot's hands slowly make their way up her body.

“Peridot,” She whispers, her heart racing. 

Her fingers graze her skin, caress her with a gentleness she's never known to feel. They cross her back, follow the outline of her spine. Lapis shivers at the contact, her eyes shut, her lips on Peridot's, her fingers tangled in the mess of Peridot's blonde hair. Peridot's touching her so sweetly, so softly, but there's a need to it too. An urgency. She wants her. She  _needs_ her. And at this single moment of time, there is nothing else Lapis needs more than Peridot's fingers inside of her. 

She straightens, unhooks her bra, and throws it over her shoulder. Peridot stares at her bare chest for a full moment before she finally pulls her gaze away. 

“I missed these.” She murmurs, reaching up to poke at one boob. 

Lapis slaps her hand away. “Strip or I won't touch you.” 

Peridot gasps. “Cruel!” She pushes herself up on her elbows and takes her shirt off, with the help of Lapis's deft hands. 

“Well,” Lapis grins, staring down at her naked breasts. “No bra, huh?” 

Peridot blushes, but she keeps her body open for Lapis to admire. “I was getting ready for bed, Lapis! I was just about to sleep before you came!”

Lapis giggles. “Right, right,” She leans in and places a loving kiss on her left boob—making Peridot gasp out in exhilarated pleasure—before dragging her lips over to the other side. “God, you're beautiful.” 

Peridot giggles, raising Lapis's chin with a hand so that she can lean in and kiss her in between the eyes. “Come on, bartender,” She says playfully. “Just make love to me already.”

Lapis narrows her eyes and grins. She leans in to kiss her, before moving her lips downwards. “Your wish is my command.”

* * *

 

Lapis drapes an arm over the top of the sofa, her fingers playing absent-mindedly with the left end of Peridot's outrageous hair. Her eyes remain glued to the television as it rolls another episode of Peridot's favorite show, Camp Pining Hearts, but her mind's focused on the feel of Peridot's body against hers, pressed comfortably against her breasts and stomach. She smiles to herself, leaning in to press her nose against the top of Peridot's head. 

“Percy's such a tool.” 

Peridot snickers. “Isn't he though? God, I wish Paulette would just leave him alone already. I bet he wouldn't be this much of a sucker if she never bothered him in the first place.” 

“True,” Lapis murmurs. “But then there wouldn't be a show, and there wouldn't be Camp Pining Hearts, and there wouldn't be an adorable, lovable Peridot to fond over as she screams at her favorite characters.” 

Peridot waits a beat, before saying, “You don't  _always_ have to be right, you know.”

Lapis laughs, leaning in to kiss her playfully on the cheek. “It's payback for what you did to me last night!” 

Peridot blushes, turning her head around to shoot her a weak glare. “I didn't  _mean_ to put a third finger in, it just kinda slipped!” 

Lapis rolls her eyes. “Your finger slipped.  _Right_ ,  _right_ .” 

“Hey, it happens! I once slipped a four finger in. Totally unintentional.”

Lapis makes a face. “No talking about past lovers,” She says, placing her chin atop her shoulder. “It makes me angry and jealous.” 

Peridot's gaze softens. “You don't have to worry about that, bartender.” 

Lapis shuts her eyes. A moment passes, then two. 

Lapis can hear her heartbeat rapping in her ear. When has it ever been this loud?

She takes a breath, holds it. 

“I'm never letting you go again.” 

Peridot smiles, reaching up to cup her hand over Lapis's rosy cheek. She leans against her head, her breath grazing the top of Lapis's right ear, her chest rising in sync with Lapis's heartbeat. After a moment, Peridot pulls away, untangling herself from Lapis's embrace. She stands up in front of the sofa and straightens, her back turned on her taller companion. The TV continues to play the animated episode, pale lights flashing against the dark walls, but neither of them are paying any mind to what's going on. Lapis's gaze is on the back of Peridot's head, eyes narrowed and brows furrowed.

“What's wrong?” She asks, pulling herself up. 

Peridot shakes her head. “I just—I never thought this would happen... After what happened at the snow trip, I really...  _really_ thought this would never actually come true.”

Lapis hesitates, her gaze dropping down to the floor. “Peridot, I—”

“I'm not blaming you.” Peridot whispers, shaking her head. “At first, I did. I was mad. I was frustrated. And I loved you. So I blamed you. But then...” She sighs. “It wasn't your fault. The world's messed up, it does shitty things to mess with you, and sometimes you can't do anything about it.”

Lapis takes a shaky breath. She doesn't where Peridot's going with this, but she isn't sure she's all too happy about it. 

“Look, Lapis.” Peridot crosses her arms over her chest. “I don't wanna go through that again. Ever. It sucked and I could barely function for a long time. You messed with my head, with my heart, and all I could think about was _you_. It—It was the most agonizing thing I've ever had to go through in a—well, in a relationship.”

Then Peridot says, “But it would all be worth it. Every horrible bit—every annoying, frustratingly trivial bit—it would  _all_ be worth it,” She turns around to face her, finally, and in the placid light, her beautiful eyes shine with a gentle yearning that brings Lapis down to her knees in surrender. “If you just  _stay_ .”

Lapis gets up immediately and takes her by the shoulder. She wraps her arms around her neck, pulling her in close, burying her face in her hair. Peridot gasps in surprise, her hands held out in front of her. After a moment of hesitant contemplation, she wraps her arms tightly around her waist, and rests her head on her shoulder. 

“I'll stay.” Lapis whispers, with a voice that might break. “I'll stay if you promise never to let me go.” 

Peridot smiles. “Alright, my hot, young bartender.” She sighs into her chest and says, “It's a promise.”

And for the most infinite of moments...

Lapis believes her. 

The door swings open exactly two seconds later, and Lapis, being the overtly-jumpy person she is, latches away from Peridot's embrace as a large, hulking figure comes into view. 

No, ha-ha, it is not Jasper. 

“Oh.” Thunk purses his lips, dropping the bags of groceries onto the ground next to his feet. “Did I, um... come at a bad time?” 

Peridot chuckles, waving him off (though her cheeks are looking particularly pink). “It's fine, Thunk. Where've you been all night?” 

Thunk raises his eyebrows. “Um, not  _here_ . Since, y'know,” He nods his head at Lapis and does some weird gesture with his hand. “Yeah. Wasn't gonna stay for that.” 

Peridot blushes, and Lapis looks about ready to accuse him of practicing witchcraft. 

“Look, it's cool if y'all are gonna be all lovey-dovey cuddly and stuff,” He scratches the back of his head cheekily. “But I had to crash at my mom's because I knew you guys needed space, and I kinda need the apartment back to work on the new shipments for those advanced computers at the cyber. So...” He trails off, fiddling with his fingers. 

Lapis exchanges a glance with Peridot. They have the same line of thought. “My place?” 

Peridot nods. “Hell yeah.” 

Peridot races to her bedroom to collect her stuff, and Lapis sheepishly grabs her shirt from the floor and puts it on. She's been wearing nothing but her pants and sports bra this whole time. “Um,” She scratches her arm awkwardly. “Thanks for, y'know, giving us space... and stuff.” 

Thunk shoots her an awkward grin. “Hey, knowing Peridot, and knowing you  _from_ Peridot, I'd say you two deserve it.”

Lapis colors. Has Peridot been talking about her that much? And to her roommate? God. She crosses her arms over her chest to look less like an intruder. “Thanks anyways.” 

Peridot reemerges from her bedroom carrying a backpack over her tiny shoulders. She throws Thunk a scathing glare as she passes by him, and he responds by nonchalantly sticking his tongue out. She approaches the fridge and grabs something from the freezer.

“I'm taking the popsicles!” 

“Not the yellow ones!” Thunk yells out. “Those are my favorites.”

Peridot walks up to him with a green stick in one hand and blue one in the other. She nods, and he nods back. “Don't wreck the place while I'm gone.” 

Thunk makes a face. “Um, who was the one who looked after it when  _someone_ left to go on a random backpacking trip across the west coast?” 

“Your mom?” 

Thunk gasps. “Me! I did! I took care of it!  _Me_ !” 

Peridot chuckles. “Keep telling yourself that, Thunk.” She turns to Lapis and smiles, before tipping the top of her head at the door. “Ready?” 

Lapis nods, grinning goofily. Shit, this girl can really make her smile. She skips through the mess of clothing, waves at Thunk, and disappears behind the door with Peridot at tow. They make their way down the hall together. 

Peridot hands her the blue popsicle stick. “Want one?” 

Lapis stares at it for a moment, before nodding. “Thanks,” She mumbles, taking the cold plastic in her hands before unwrapping it. “You guys are cute. Like siblings.” 

“Me and Thunk?” Peridot laughs. “Yeah, we've been friends since college. He's my wingman.” 

Lapis smirks. “Wingman, eh? Bet you were quite the player.” 

Peridot blushes, shaking her head in amusement. “Yeah right.” 

The elevator door parts just as Lapis opens her mouth. “What? I'm serious!” They step in together. “You can be incredibly suave when you want to, Peridot Guntherson.” 

“Suave?!” Peridot laughs hysterically. “Lazuli, I am the epitome of awkwardness and insecurity. I go out in the same green hoodie everyday and I've owned like five pairs of pants my whole life.” She shoots Lapis a grin. “I don't think chicks are lining up to go out with a girl like that.”

Lapis rolls her eyes. “It's not your  _appearance_ that matters, Peridot.”  _Even though you're pretty fucking adorable as it is._ “It's the way you... talk. The way you bring yourself. The way you—” She pauses, turning to eye her with a hungry longing. “—exist.”

Peridot watches her, her cheeks burning brightly in the single spotlight illuminating from above. “Why, Lazuli,” She reaches out to teasingly play with her fingers. “Dare I say I've got you infatuated?” 

Lapis smiles softly, before intertwining her fingers with Peridot's. “No, stranger.” She sighs. “You have me totally in-fucking-love.”

Peridot stands on her tip-toes and kisses her. 

Lapis can feel her heart doing flip-flops and her stomach squeezing tightly together.

“My bartender,” Peridot whispers onto her lips, waiting a full moment before completely pulling away. “I think I want to sleep with you again.” 

Lapis's eyebrows shoot upwards in excitement. “What do you mean you think though?!” 

Peridot giggles just as the doors part. “Come on,” She grabs her wrist and drags her outside. “Let's get to your fucking house already.” 

They dispose of their finished popsicle sticks at the ground floor, then Lapis takes Peridot down the road towards her bike (which is still there, thankfully). She hands Peridot her helmet again, which the girl finally accepts after initial hesitation, before getting on her beautiful black vroom-vroom vehicle and taking off. They speed through the streets, passing building after building. This time, when Peridot tightens her grip over Lapis's waist, they both enjoy it to the fullest of their abilities. Peridot shuts her eyes, pressing the side of her face against Lapis's warm back. She can stay like this forever, if possible. Alive and warm and happy and free. 

“You okay back there?” Lapis yells from the front.

Peridot mumbles an inaudible agreement before nodding.

They make it back to Lapis's apartment in less than ten minutes. Lapis parks her bike by the curb and helps Peridot off. She takes her bag and jacket with her, before following Peridot up the stairs and into her—much-larger—apartment. Lapis lets Peridot in once she's gotten the door unlocked, before shutting it behind her.

“No more interruptions,” She whispers to herself, turning the lock. 

She turns around to face Peridot, but the girl beats her to the punch, because as soon as their eyes meet, Peridot launches forward and captures her in a passionate kiss. Lapis moans, grabbing her sleeveless jersey and pulling her closer. They make-out in front of the door for a while, before Peridot pulls away giggling, causing Lapis to fall on her butt laughing. 

“We could be a reality TV show.” Peridot says in between bouts of chuckles, bending down to match Lapis in eye-level.

Lapis grins. “Our spontaneity and charm  _would_ make for great entertainment. And imagine the fandom!” 

“What would we even be called?” 

Lapis thinks about it for a moment, before bursting out laughing. “Peripis!” 

Peridot snickers. “Idiot! That is so not our fandom,” She smacks her on the arm before straightening. “I like Lapidot better.”

Lapis gradually stops laughing, wiping a tear from her eye as a crooked grin spreads across her smug face. “Lapidot, huh?” She smiles, reaching over to kiss Peridot quickly on the cheek. “I like it too.” 

Peridot grins. 

Lapis's apartment is a lot bigger than Peridot's, maybe three times the size. It's a lot brighter and neater too. The stark contrast in atmosphere makes it a little more awkward for the two to get intimate. Because... Well, in Peridot's, it was easier to have an excuse to stick so close together because the space was tiny. And the dark gave them... a  _mood_ . 

But here? 

Lapis has never hated her apartment as much as she does now. 

It's like they're suddenly back in reality again, and Lapis hates it. 

She scratches the back of her neck awkwardly and clears her throat. “You want a drink?” 

Peridot looks at her in alarm, probably after having been lost in her own thoughts, before nodding. “Water's fine.” 

Lapis nods and gets up, making her way to the fridge to pour Peridot a glass of cold water. She takes a sip before handing it over to her. “We could, um, watch TV?” Lapis blushes when Peridot meets her eye. “I mean, we could fuck too if you want but... The mood isn't exactly...” Lapis sighs, covering her face with a hand. “I'm wrecked.” 

Peridot smiles sympathetically. “You're thinking too much of this, Lapis.” 

Lapis looks at her through the gap in her fingers. “I just want things to be perfect, Peri. You—You deserve nothing less than perfection.” 

Peridot rolls her eyes. “Perfection doesn't exist.” 

“Untrue,” Lapis straightens, narrowing hers. “The _concept_ of perfection is in the eye of the beholder. And my definition comes with us both being happy and tingly and laughing like maniacs while we make out on my bed and end up naked in the sheets.” She shrugs. “Perfection is what I feel with you. When we're... happy.” 

Peridot's eyes widen in surprise. “Look at you,” She murmurs, grinning. “Who's the wise one now?” Lapis chuckles. “And FYI,” Peridot takes a sip of the water. “I am happy. I'm perfectly happy the way I am. With you. So don't stress too much, bartender. Let's just enjoy this.” 

Enjoy... this. Lapis can do that. She can enjoy this. 

Maybe she's just afraid that this'll be like her last relationship. Maybe she's just counting down the seconds till Peridot loses feelings for her too. Maybe, maybe—

“Hey,” Peridot places the glass back down on the counter. She reaches out to wrap her slender fingers around Lapis's hand and squeezes. “Just look at me, okay?” 

Lapis blinks, staring up into soft brown eyes in fright. Peridot left her glasses back in her apartment, which means everything must be hella blurry for her right now. Which is good, because that means she won't be able to see Lapis's terrified expression. 

“Okay.” Lapis whispers. 

Peridot frowns. “Okay, what, do I have a pimple or something cause you look like you've just seen a ghost.” 

Lapis colors. “I thought you were blind.” 

“What?!” Peridot splutters. “Lapis, yeah, I can't _see_ without my glasses but I'm not blind! I can still decipher facial expressions!” 

Lapis groans, turning away in embarrassment. “Great, now I'm nervous  _and_ wrecked!” 

“Lapis,” Peridot strokes Lapis's hand with her thumb reassuringly, making little swirls around the area between her forefinger and thumb. “Stop... Stop _thinking_ , okay? I know it's hard. I know you just got out of a bad relationship and this is... scary. But trust me. Trust us?” She looks down at their hands, now intertwined, and sighs. “I've wanted this for so long now. I'm gonna be honest. It even seems surreal to me.” 

Of course. Of course, Lapis isn't the only one coming to terms with this...  _relationship._ Because that's what it is now. They're in a relationship. A real one. With official tags and everything. And Lapis may be scared, but Peridot's frightened too. She's just as afraid, she's just as disbelieving. Lapis has to be there for her, even if it means putting aside her own feelings. Then again, they're dealing with the same thing. So maybe... They can face it  _together_ .

Lapis takes a step forward and presses her forehead against her shorter companion's, breathing in the scent of her natural musk. “Okay.” She whispers, nodding. “Let's—Let's enjoy this.”

Peridot smiles slightly, before pulling her in. They hug for a moment, their bodies perfectly meshed into one, their hearts beating, skin touching, fingers caressing—until finally, Peridot giggles. 

“You know, I still wanna try your hot-tub.” She murmurs, her breath tickling the skin around Lapis's neck. “Those water-jets ain't gonna test themselves.” 

Lapis laughs, her chest vibrating against Peridot's little frame. “Well, someone's ready to get naked and wet.” 

“You know I'm all about naked and wet. So long as it's with you.” 

“Why, Guntherson. I'm glad the feeling's mutual.” 

Peridot pulls away, grinning. “So what're we waiting for?” 

Lapis stifles a laugh. “Nothing, obviously. Except maybe your clothes to hit the ground.” 

“They'll hit the ground when the tub's filled.”

“Why wait?” 

“Cause I don't wanna stand around in your apartment naked when the entire right section of your home is literally made of _glass_.” 

Lapis cranes her neck to eye the floor-to-ceiling windows decorating the right wall. “I think the exposure is kinda kinky.” 

Peridot laughs. “Then why don't you do it first?” She mock-bows. “I'd be delighted to follow your lead.” 

Lapis feels the corner of her lip quirk upwards in a smirk. She lets herself shuffle from one foot to another, before taking a step back and stripping off her shirt and pants. She dumps her clothes on the floor and presses her hands on her hips. “Your turn, shortie.” 

Peridot narrows her gaze. “Thought we said  _naked_ , bartender.”

“Baby steps, stranger.” 

Lapis holds her gaze, until finally, Peridot relents. She purses her lips and strips her shirt off, before discarding her pants as well. This time, she's actually wearing a bra. She crosses her arms over her chest, a light dusting of red painting her freckled cheeks. “Well,” She murmurs, teeth gritted. “Now what?” 

Lapis blinks. “I should get the water running.” 

“Ha! You chickening out, Lazuli?” 

But Lapis is already making her way to the bathroom. She turns to eye her from over her shoulder. “N-No,” She whirls around, flushing. “But it'd be better if there was actually some water in the tub before we get in, you know?”

Peridot follows her, laughing along. She watches as Lapis bends over the porcelain white tub, reaching over the gaping hole to grasp at the knob. Water rushes out of the pipe, filling the tub with crystal-clear, warm liquid that rises with every bated breath. Lapis flips a switch and the jets come alive, breathing out air against the water like angry dragons spitting fire at the ocean. She pulls away and sighs. 

“It's gonna get really hot, so be careful when you get in.”

Peridot nods thoughtfully, her eyes tracing the outlines of Lapis's toned body. Her gaze follows the length of her curved spine, her well-muscled back, her toned arms and hips, before dropping—and remaining—at her wondrous, round ass. She takes a deep breath. Holds it. “Hey Lazuli,” 

“Hm?” 

“I win.” 

Confused, Lapis turns around, only for her insides to come apart as Peridot strips the rest of her clothes off and straightens in one fell swoop. She stands there, naked, bare, beautiful, in the middle of her bedroom, exposed before her, wearing a blush and a lip-bitten smile with her hair unruly and her eyes begging for satisfaction. There is only one thought that crosses Lapis's mind as her gaze sets itself on her insanely attractive— _naked—_ figure. 

_Holy fuck._

Peridot takes a step forward. Then another. She continues her pace until she's about a step away from Lapis, before tipping her body forward and placing a finger against Lapis's chest. She can feel the vibration of her heart beating rapidly against her rib cage. She then leans in, falling into her lover's embrace, pressing her bare skin against Lapis's in the most erotic way possible. The blue-haired bartender sucks in a breath as Peridot's lips come up to meet the skin over her collarbone. She kisses her gently, softly, before bringing her face up to meet Lapis's. They share a brief kiss, and then Lapis pulls away. 

“You're too much,” She splutters, her face turning so red it mirrors the velvet towel hanging by the hook beside her. “You're outrageously sexy and—and I wanna—” She gulps, squirming.

Peridot's eyes remain half-lidded. Seductive. There is so much yearning in them. So much passion. So much fucking beauty. Lapis doesn't know how much longer she can hold on. “You wanna...?” She slowly grins. “You wanna what, Lazuli?”

Lapis can't look away. Good God, she can't—she can't do anything. “I wanna—” She swallows. Hard. “I wanna please you. Jesus, I wanna fuck you so hard it hurts.”

Peridot grabs her shoulders and pushes her down against the edge of the tub, making her sit. She leans into her ear and whispers, “Well then, what're you waiting for, bartender?” She giggles, her voice making the spot between Lapis's thighs tingle with anticipation. “You're the only one still wearing clothes.” 

Lapis strips off her underwear, and in the instant that she's fully naked, Peridot grabs her shoulders and pushes her into the tub, pressing her body hard against hers, kissing her so fiercely, so longingly, that everything else around them becomes a blur of heated breathing and passionate bursts of desire. Lapis fumbles around with her hand, reaching over to turn the knob off as the water splashes over the edge of the tub. True to her word, the water is insanely hot, and it's burning their skin with each moment they spend underneath it. But the pain is sensational. It's almost welcomed. Lapis has never known to be a  _sadist_ before, or a masochist. But this? This mixed combination of pain and pleasure and desire and—God, it's nothing like she's ever felt before. 

She pulls her head back in pleasure as Peridot's fingers find their way inside her, before letting her own fingers drift their way downwards, caressing a set of lower lips in burning water, watching in delight as Peridot bites her lip and moans and shivers and  _relents_ in her touch. 

They don't exchange words in their need for pleasure, not this time. It becomes a momentum, a pace, a slow, aching duty—they both know they need to fulfill it. Words are useless, even the passionate ones, even the triggering ones, because all they need is the contact of their bodies pushed together, thrusting, pumping, digging,  _screaming_ . Lapis bites hard against Peridot's neck, causing her to yelp out in pain, her fingers digging holes into her shapely back. Peridot drags her fingers across her skin, creating scars, creating dents, creating  _marks_ , that claim Lapis to her. All the while, their fingers roam inside of them, kissing passionately in the midst of the heat, in the midst of the moment. 

They fuck hard in the bathtub for about an hour, before finally, things start settling down.

The water is cold by the time Peridot lays back in Lapis's arm, gasping loudly as she attempts to steady her ragged breathing. She lets her arms dangle along the sides of the tub, her head thrown back against Lapis's chest as her body finds a way to gain back its lost strength. She laughs, a bubbly sound, before saying, “Yeah,” She looks down at the jets through the—now a little murky—water. “I definitely gotta get me one of those.”

Lapis laughs, her head also thrown back, her breathing also unsteady, and her eyes shut closed. She takes a breath before nodding. “And now I can openly admit... That was the most intense sex I've ever had in my  _life_ . And I've definitely had my handful of experiences.”

Peridot subtly nods her head in agreement. “I—I don't even think I have the energy to get out right now.” 

“Or in two hours.” Lapis mumbles. “Let's just stay in here forever.” 

“And get pruny in cum-filled water?”

“To be bathed in your cum. That's the dream.”

Peridot bursts out laughing, though in her current form, her laugh becomes a mildly entertaining strained wheeze. “That's disgusting, Lazuli.” 

Lapis grins. “Let me live the dream, Peri, geez.” 

They remain in silence for another moment, before Lapis leans in to kiss her lightly on the ear. “Sorry I bit you so much.” 

Peridot chuckles. “Sorry I cut you so much.” She lifts her head up lazily to glance at her uncut fingernails. “I've been known to... scar.” 

“Kitty's got claws.” 

“And the canine's got teeth.” 

“We make a good team, don't we?” 

Peridot smiles, breathing out a sigh of relief. “The best.” 

Yup. Lapis is definitely keeping her. She gazes down at her form lovingly, enjoying the way her body fits perfectly against hers. God, she never knew she could feel like this again. But to be here. To be here with  _Peridot_ . 

“Hey stranger,” 

“Hm?” 

“I love you.” 

Peridot rolls her eyes, even though her face is once-again enveloped in red. “Idiot.” She murmurs. 

“I love you too.”

* * *

 

Lapis wraps her hair up in a towel, staring at herself in the mirror as she very slowly—and very painfully—pulls a pair of joggers up her aching legs. She groans, wincing when a certain spot in her groin cries out in agony. “Goddammit,” She laughs. “Who knew sex could make you so fucking sore?” 

Then again, they  _did_ do it for an hour. In a bathtub. Consecutively. 

Lapis has burns and scars all across her skin. Peridot has many too. 

The two of them look like they just got out of some sort of torture camp or something.

She looks over her shoulder at the closed bathroom door, listening to the sound of the water running in the shower that Peridot is currently bathing under. Obviously, they weren't exactly...  _clean_ after their little party in the tub, so Lapis took the first shower and now Peridot is doing the same. She sighs, her gaze softening. Man, her heart's still beating like nuts. She's so into her. She's so—What's the word? Happy? It feels insufficient. It's not powerful enough to describe her emotions right now. She turns back to the mirror, and is surprised to find the most hideous, most irritatingly disgusting, most outrageous  _goofy_ smile plastered across her red face. She wipes it away with a frown, then instantly smiles again. 

“Fuck,” She laughs hysterically. “She's really getting to me.” 

Peridot finally stops showering a few minutes later. She barely has the energy to drag herself out of the bathroom, but with Lapis's help, she manages to change into Lapis's old baseball T and a pair of tight compressor shorts. She leans her head against Lapis's shoulder, her knees knobbing together underneath her and her fingers curled tightly around Lapis's baggy blue T-shirt.

“I can't—I can't move,” She mumbles. “Could I—I mean, would it be possible if I just...” She sighs. “Sleep here for the night?” 

Lapis bites her tongue.  _Don't sound too excited._ “Yes?” 

Peridot looks up at her, adorable bright brown eyes wide with appreciation. “Really?”

And that's all it takes for Lapis to break down and fall to her knees. She collapses onto the ground, eyes shut and teeth gritted. “Fuck.” 

“Lapis?!” Peridot stares down at her in alarm. 

“Sorry. You're just too cute. I can't take it.” 

Peridot blushes. “That's... I don't even—” She purses her lips, blinking. “No.”

“I'm serious.” Lapis laughs. “You can literally make me sleep on the kitchen floor tonight and I'd gladly do it if it would make you smile.” 

Peridot licks her lips, dropping down to her knees beside her. “You know I wouldn't do that.” 

“Yeah,” Lapis takes her hand and kisses it lightly, and even though it still burns, Peridot takes it like a champ and smiles. “But I would anyway. I'd do anything to make you happy.” And in this moment... She means it. She means it with all her heart, all her soul, all her being. 

Peridot gazes at her lovingly. “Come on,” She whispers, forcing herself up. “Let's order some take-out and fall asleep watching some cheesy romance movie.” 

“That, my dear, is a lovely idea.” Lapis giggles, pulling herself up. 

They set themselves on the bed as Lapis scrolls through her laptop for a delivery service. When a familiar fork logo pops up on the screen, Lapis immediately clicks on the link with an excited whoop. She orders take-out from UberEats all the time! Lapis gets a fancy burger and Peridot settles for some interesting halal snack pack. While they're waiting, Lapis pops a DVD into the player in her room (Peridot is  _still_ convinced Lapis is loaded (which is true anyways)) before settling back down with Peridot in her arms. 

Peridot sighs in contentment. “I love this movie.” 

Lapis grins. “Good cause it's the only one I have.”

Peridot laughs. “I expected you to be more prepared, Lazuli.” 

“For this?” Lapis shakes her head. “Naw, Peri. I would never have expected myself to be this happy. Ever.” 

There's a short pause, before Peridot gently says, “Me neither, Lapis.” 

Lapis tightens her hold on her body, and even though their burns sting, they hold on to each other like it's the first and last time they're able to. The food comes a few minutes later, so Lapis reluctantly untangles herself from Peridot's embrace and hobbles up to the front door. She pays the delivery guy in cash before lugging the plastic bag back into the room and placing it gently on the bed. 

“Hold on, I'll get some trays.” 

Lapis comes back with two transparent plastic trays, setting them down on the bed with a smile. “I'm gonna go wash my hands.” 

Peridot looks at her, eyebrows raised. “Wow.” 

“What?” 

Peridot blinks. “You're... You're actually hygienic.” 

“ _Oh my god_ ,” Lapis rolls her eyes. “I swear you think the worst things of me.”

Peridot giggles. “I didn't mean it in a bad way! I just—I don't know. I've been living with Thunk for two years now. He's the messiest roommate in the world and we leave instant noodle cups lying all over the kitchen counter! What we have in fun and comfort, we lack in clear space and hygiene.” She shrugs. “It's surprising not because it's you. But just because... I'm not used to it.” 

Lapis furrows her brows, before taking a step forward and dragging Peridot out of bed. “Well then, it's time to start learning!” 

Peridot whines, her body screaming out in pain as it adjusts to getting back up on her feet. “But Lapis!” 

“Nope! You gotta be clean, stranger!” 

“We literally _just_ showered!”

“Yeah and then we held the TV remote and that plastic bag and you went to take a piss when I was out getting our food. I _saw_ you sneak back in!” 

Peridot blushes. “I wasn't  _sneaking_ !” 

Lapis laughs. “You literally started running when you saw me coming in!” 

“I was _excited_ for the food!” 

“Right, right.” 

Peridot huffs, making a face. “ _Fine_ , fine. I'll wash my stupid hands.” 

Lapis grins, leaning in to kiss her gently on the forehead. “That's my girl.” 

“Flip off.” 

Lapis laughs as the flaming shortie marches her way back into the bathroom, before slowly following after her. A light catches her gaze from the right side of the room, and she follows the strange beam, squinting, when her eyes land on a familiar photograph sitting on one of the shelves she never looks at anymore. She stops, her brows furrowed, lips pulled downwards, breathing steady. She takes a step to the side, then another, until she's facing it. She touches the frames, cradles it in her hands. 

There she is. With Pearl. 

They look so happy. And they were. They were happy and in love...  _Once_ . 

But that time is over. And life moves on. 

With a gentle smile and a light heart, she pulls the photograph free from its bindings and slips it into the trash can, before placing the frame sideways against the shelf wall. She takes a step back and nods. 

Now there really is nothing to look at here. 

Just an empty space in the place of what was once a reminder of her mistakes. 

“Lapis?” 

She turns her head, eyes wide, and stares back at Peridot in surprise. “Yes?” 

Peridot looks worried. “You okay?” 

And there were so many moments this week when she would just put on a brave face and say yes, even though her insides were constantly screaming no. But this time, at this moment, with this girl... She can put on a  _real_ smile, and  _genuinely_ say, “Yeah.” She nods her head. “I'm perfect.” 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a heads up, I have at least nine more chapters planned out so I'm assuming this story is gonna be a twenty-chapters thing.
> 
> Also thanks to everyone who commented and left kudos and stuff like that on this story! Man, y'all's support really gets it for me. I'm just so insanely happy y'all like it. <3
> 
> OKIE BYE


	12. Paranoia

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hohohohoo I literally wrote 3/4 of this chapter in the last four hours because procrastination caught up with me. 
> 
> ALSO I decided to put a date for every chapter posted! Since school's started it's been a lot easier to do it that way, so chapters shall be posted every Sunday now yay!! 
> 
> Inspiration for this chapter came from a surprising review. Thank you!

Lapis checks her phone for the tenth time, her eyes lighting up with joy as a text message floats conspicuously at the forefront of her screen. She swipes her thumb across the surface and reads the text swiftly, before bringing her gaze up to meet Steven's.

“She said she's free! Tonight is a go!” She pumps her fist up in the air for emphasis.

Steven grins, folding a bright red shirt with a star at the center into a neat little cube, before placing it to one side. “Great! Looks like the whole gang's getting together!” He pauses, before adding, “Well, except Amethyst again. She always has _work_.” He rolls his eyes. “Oh, and Jasper's not gonna be there too.”

Lapis makes a face. “Yeah, you better be right about that tip. If she shows up tonight and sees me and Peridot there—” She shuts her mouth, turning pale in the face. “It'd be _catastrophe._ ”

“You're over-exaggerating it.”

“Hey, don't underestimate the power of a woman's heart!”

Steven turns to shoot her a wry smile from over his shoulder. “Jasper told Connie she had training tonight and wouldn't be able to make it. If you're so worried that she's lying or something, go ask her yourself.”

“No thanks,” Lapis shakes her head. “I think if I see her again, I might end up puking or going faint or—” She shrugs. “—maybe killing myself? Who knows, really? I guess it depends on the mood.”

Steven rolls his eyes. “That could be a sign that _maybe_ you should tell her about you and Peridot.”

The blue-haired girl raises her hands up in defense. “I would totally love to, trust me! And I will!” She grits her teeth together. “Soon. Someday. I mean, hopefully this week? Maybe next?” She throws her hands in front of her. “Look, we're giving Jasper time to get over her, okay? She needs to heal and get better before we break the news!”

“And how do you think she'll feel when she finds out you two have been going out behind her back all this while?”

Lapis frowns, her fingers curling around each other. “I dunno. Like hell?”

Steven sighs, turning around and leaning back against the ironing board. “Lapis, I'm—I'm ecstatic that you and Peridot managed to work things out. I'm overjoyed that you guys are finally together! We've all been waiting for it. It was only a matter of time. And trust me, nothing makes me happier than seeing you happy—”

“I'm sensing a but here,” Lapis murmurs, gaze narrowed.

Steven scratches the back of his neck. “ _But_ you should tell Jasper before this gets chaotic and out of hand. You know how sucky it is prolong the inevitable.”

Lapis turns away, her lips twisted into a frown. “It's not that _easy_.”

“I know.” Steven shrugs. “Doesn't mean the alternative is any better.”

Lapis exhales slowly, her body going loose all across the timid blue sofa. She waits a beat, staring down at her bare feet in thought. “What if she stops being my friend?” She asks. “What if... What if she never wants to see me again? What if she starts hating me?”

Steven stares down at her in sympathy before making his way beside her. The cushion sinks in response to the new weight, fluffs of cotton fur bouncing up in the air before settling on the ground. He reaches out to place a warm hand on her shoulder. “Jasper's your friend, Lapis. If you're happy, then she will be too.”

Lapis furrows her brows. “You know the last season of How I Met Your Mother?”

Steven blinks. “Um,” He nods. “Yeah, what about it?”

“Barney and Robin were getting married.” Lapis laughs. “I shipped them so hard. They were my favorite couple. And that _entire_ fucking season was about their wedding, but Ted still—” She licks her lips as they quiver lightly from her words. “Ted was _still_ in love with Robin, even after five seasons of just... exploring. He was still in love with her and even though Barney was his _best friend_ , he couldn't stay in New York knowing they were together. He couldn't stay knowing he couldn't have her, he couldn't stay knowing his _best friend_ had her.” Lapis shakes her head. “What if Jasper becomes like Ted? What if—What if she decides to leave? What if she can't handle being around me anymore? What if—”

“Do you remember what happened in the end?”

Lapis blinks, her breath slowing down a beat. She stares at Steven with her eyebrows raised. “The end?” She repeats. “Ted and Robin ended up together.” She pales. “Oh my god, what if Jasper and Peridot end up together too?!”

Steven rolls his eyes. “No, not that, you idiot. Before that. Let's just ignore that they got together.”

Lapis sighs, raking her fingers through her hair. “Okay, well, um,” She shrugs. “Barney and Robin broke up?”

“You're so stupid.” Steven says, making Lapis gasp. “Ted _found_ The Mother, Lapis. Ted _found_ the love of his life! They had kids together, they were happy. He was _finally_ happy.” He pauses, letting this sink in, before saying, “The thing is, even if Peridot is Jasper's Robin... Jasper still hasn't found the love of her life. She's still out there waiting for Jasper to find her, and you have to accept—and believe—that one day, Jasper's gonna finally do it. She's gonna find her and marry her. And if you keep being as great a friend as you are,” Steven knocks her gently on the shoulder. “She's gonna ask you to be her best-man just like I did. Because you're an amazing friend, Lapis. Even if the situation turns out less than ideal.”

Lapis stares at him for a long moment, her cheeks turning pink in embarrassment. She turns away, chuckling, before crossing her arms over her chest. “Geez, Steven, you don't gotta be so mushy.”

Steven grins. “But I made a point.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Lapis rolls her eyes before sighing. “I'll... I'll tell her tomorrow.”

“Good.” Steven smiles compassionately, picking himself off the sofa. “Now, get outta my house. I still have a whole basket of laundry to fold and put back.”

Lapis laughs. “Fun,” She gets up and dusts herself off. “Sucks to be you.”

Steven throws her a grin. “Yeah, cause it's so tragic that I get to kiss and hug and _marry_ Connie before the eyes of everyone I love.”

“Woah, woah! Low blow, bro!” Lapis gasps.

Steven laughs and shakes his head. “See you tonight.”

Lapis makes her way to the front door, her lips curled upwards in a crooked smile. She turns to look at Steven from over her shoulder and waves. “Can't wait! I have a feeling it's gonna be killer.”

But some part of her writhes in worry at the very thought.

* * *

 

Lapis picks Peridot up outside her apartment, helmet tucked in below her arm and bike parked sloppily along the sidewalk. She takes a breath, her hand shoved deep into the pocket of her leather jacket. It's only been less than a week since she and Peridot started—officially—dating, and this'd be the first time they're going out with the gang since it happened. Obviously, they're not gonna tell them yet. The only people who know are Steven and Connie. Because they wanna keep it low-key, just for the moment, just until Lapis finds a way to tell Jasper.

She blinks, a flash of a memory manifesting in her mind.

The scent of lotion, the taste of her lips, her soft gaze, gentle touches, passionate kisses—Lapis takes a breath, clenching her hand inside her jacket pocket.

Peridot has made it hard for her to think. Hell, she's made it hard for her to do a lot of things. Like eat. And sleep. And breathe. Yeah, it's hard. She's infatuated in the worst way. Peridot has become everything to her in such a short amount of time. But this is just the beginning, the 'honeymoon' phase, and Lapis knows very well what comes after. She shuts her eyes and smiles. For some reason, though it's absurd... The thought of an 'after' already makes her giddy with excitement.

“Hey, beautiful.”

Lapis whirls around, her face lighting up with joy. She watches as the little blonde skips her way towards her. “Hey stranger,” She murmurs nervously, pushing herself off the bike to carefully lean in and place a gentle kiss on the shorter girl's cheek. “You look great!”

Peridot chuckles, rubbing the back of her neck. She's sporting a cute green flannel with a dark undershirt and black jeans. “I can't believe I actually got dressed up for this. I stared at my hoodie for the longest time before Thunk finally screamed at me to move cause I was blocking his way to the TV.”

Lapis laughs. “Well, it was worth it.” She smiles gently, before leaning forward to kiss her. The seconds their lips touch, it's like her entire body's electrified with an identifiable energy, one that shocks her down to her toes. She pulls away slowly, breathing the remnants of their contact in. “Cause you look fine as hell.”

Peridot blushes, her lips quirking upwards in a coy smile. “Lapis Lazuli Lebedev... You make me so damn happy.”

Lapis can feel her stomach twist together in agonizing joy. “Well shit, Peri, the feeling's intensely mutual.” She reaches over to squeeze her helmet over Peridot's unruly mess of blonde hair before taking a cheeky step back.

Peridot laughs out loud and Lapis spends the moment enjoying every exhilarating second of it, before they both climb onto the majestic motorcycle and whiz their way down the streets. They get to the bar a few minutes later. It's Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, so Lapis's bar is closed down for the night. But the gang wants to get drunk and play hard and do whatever it is that young people in their 20's do before they get married and are forced to spend their lives in misery in the confinements of a family, so they have to go to a different, nearby bar that'll cost them twice as much for a night of memorable fun.

Peridot takes the helmet off her head and scowls at the mess it leaves behind. “As if my hair wasn't already a pain to deal with...”

“Hey now,” Lapis drapes an arm over her shoulder and smirks. “I think it's pretty endearing.”

Peridot rolls her eyes, though she's smiling. “That's only you, Lapis.”

“Exactly.” Lapis winks. “And it should stay that way. I don't think I have the strength to fend off competitors.”

Peridot snickers, reaching over to wrap an arm around her waist. “Speak for yourself, my hot, young bartender. Who was the lady-killer before all this began?”

Lapis pretends to think about it, causing Peridot to half-heartedly smack her on the arm. “Ow, okay, okay!” She laughs. “So we're _both_ attractive _._ It's a fair deal!”

“So long as you keep that attractiveness reserved for your one and only _girlfriend_.”

Girlfriend. Peridot is Lapis's girlfriend. She can't help the grin that envelops her face. “Pinky promise.” She leans in to kiss her quickly on the cheek. “Okay now stop making me all flustered and happy. The gang can't know we're together yet!”

Peridot draws away, chuckling. “Right, right.” She raises her hands in compliance. “No touchy.”

Lapis frowns. “Well, maybe a little touchy...”

Peridot rolls her eyes laughing and saunters away, making Lapis trail after her in mixed surprise and amusement. They chase each other to the bar, stumbling through the front door giggling and tearing up like young fools high on life. Lapis places a hand on Peridot's shoulder but the latter quickly—and very swiftly—swats it away.

“Act on, Lazuli. Sapphire's headed our way.” She juts her chin out at the small, elegant figure heading directly towards them.

Lapis hesitates, shoving her hands into her pocket. _Okay, I can do this._

“Hello Lapis, Peridot.” Sapphire calls out happily, reaching up to brush her bangs away from her eyes. She always does this, even though they always end up falling again a second later. “Glad you guys could make it!”

Lapis does a little curtsy and Peridot rolls her eyes. “I'm real excited to be here, Sapphire.”

Lapis nods. “Yup, same here.”

Sapphire giggles. “Well, I expected Lapis to be here but,” She turns to Peridot. “I... never would have predicted your willingness to come. Considering, um, y'know,” She shrugs cheekily.

Peridot blushes and stares at her open-mouthed, so Lapis decides to awkwardly take the reigns. “Ah, I managed to convince her after a couple rounds of the Water Bitch.”

Peridot rolls her eyes—again. Lapis has that effect on her. “I don't know how any of you can believe anything that comes out of her mouth.”

Lapis gasps, staring at her in offense as Sapphire chuckles politely. “Oh, it gets hard sometimes.”

Lapis turns to her now, jaw hanging slack. “Et tu, Sapphire?!”

Steven appears from behind the light-haired lawyer with two drinks in each hand, his face brightened by his signature grin and his hair pulled tightly into a ponytail. “Lapis, Peridot!” He exclaims. “Good of you guys to finally make it!”

Lapis shoots him a look. “Um, excuse me, Steven, it's like exactly 10 PM.”

Steven chuckles, challenging her gaze. “But we've been here for half an hour already, Lapis. You sure missed the intro to the party.”

Lapis clicks her tongue. “Bummer,” She muses. “Cause the awkward, tense first-half-an-hour of a party is something I _always_ look forward to.”

Steven threatens to throw the glass of beer at Lapis's face, but Lapis ducks out of the way laughing. “You're such a pain in the ass,” Steven says.

Peridot giggles, throwing Lapis a side-ways glance and whispering, “Tell me about it.”

Lapis, in turn, bats her eyelashes at her.

Totally unintentionally, of course.

But Sapphire is standing right there, so she raises her eyebrows in surprise. She opens her mouth to say something, but Steven—being the incredible guy he is—interrupts her before she can. “Come on, let's head back! We've got the drinks for everybody here, including you guys, and half of us have already reached a point of slight tipsiness.” He giggles and winks, before adding, “So you two should probably start!”

Lapis nods excitedly and trudges along after him, while Peridot decides to hang back a little with Sapphire so it doesn't look too suspicious. They're sitting in a round table. A tiny round table. Like, it can literally fit a tray and two drinks and that's it. But the seats are these cute little benches and they're placed a distance's away from the table so they can all squeeze together without being too... claustrophobic. Peridot takes the seat beside Steven, and Lapis, being Lapis, immediately sits beside Peridot. Their arms brush together just for the faintest of moments, and suddenly Lapis's heart is beating like an insane drummer hung up on caffeine.

She sucks in a breath and looks up. Nobody's noticed it yet.

Well, there's nothing to notice. Not really. It's not _that_ obvious. Is it? She turns to look at Peridot, but the girl is relatively calm despite the situation.

She leans in and whispers, “You put up a good front.”

Peridot waits a beat, before amusedly whispering back, “That's cause I'm not putting a front.”

Lapis scoffs. “Right and I'm supposed to believe _I'm_ the only one freaking out about this.”

“You are,” Peridot glances at her with a smirk. “It's not that hard to pretend nothing's changed, Lapis. Especially since I know that I can have my way with you all I want in a few hours, and no one's gonna care. No one's gonna be there.”

Lapis takes a breath, holds it. “You shouldn't say things like that,” She hisses, pointing. “Bad girl. Bad Peri.”

And Peridot only responds with a laugh. In the heat of the moment, Lapis tears her gaze away and looks straight into the eyes of the peach-haired woman sitting directly across from her. The second their gazes lock, it's like the world is—just for that one, agonizing moment—at a complete stand-still. Pearl's expression says it all.

She _knows_.

“Lapis!”

Lapis finally finds the momentum to look away. She stares down at Peridot, eyes-wide in shock. “Huh?”

Peridot looks worried. “Steven's been calling your name for like half a minute now.” She pauses, before leaning in. “You okay?”

Lapis blinks rapidly and nods. “Y-Yeah,” She looks at Steven. “What's up?”

Steven's holding out a bottle of beer, his expression mirroring that of Peridot's. He tilts his head slightly to one side, and though it's obvious he's concerned, he knows when not to bring it up. So he keeps his mouth shut, though his eyes remain inquisitive. Lapis hesitantly reaches out to grab the bottle from his fingers before dipping it over her mouth.

_Okay, so, this isn't that bad. Pearl knows. Pearl knows, so what?_

_So she's gonna tell Jasper._

_No, she's not. Why would she tell Jasper? You're overreacting._

_And you're under-reacting! Jasper's gonna find out and she's gonna kill me and—_

_You really think Pearl's that cruel?_

She stares at her hand in bemusement, her thoughts colliding against one another, before she finally finds the courage to look up. Pearl has torn her gaze away. She's now staring at Ruby as she goes on animatedly about something that happened at training today. Lapis takes a breath, then another.

“Lapis, seriously,” She hears Peridot's voice penetrate through her panic, forcing her gaze downwards to meet hers. Oh geez, she looks so worried. “What's wrong?”

Lapis smiles softly before shaking her head. “Has anyone ever told you you're adorable when you're worried?”

Peridot's eyes widen in panic. She looks around quickly before slapping Lapis in the arm. “Jesus, obvious, much? Why don't we just scream to the world that we're sharing sheets? That'll be a lot less conspicuous than this!”

Lapis laughs, taking another sip of her beer. “Whatever. No one heard me.”

“Don't take your chances, Lapis.” She waits a moment before saying, “And don't think I forgot about what we were talking about. You looked really freaked for a second. What's going on?”

Lapis keeps her gaze on her shoes, her breathing light and uneven. Finally, she looks back at her blonde counter-part and sighs. “I think—” She bites her lip, before lowering her voice. “I think Pearl knows.”

Peridot raises a skeptical eyebrow, her drink idle in her hand. “What?” She whispers back. “How can you tell?”

“She was looking at me real weirdly... Like she knew something. Like she knew everything.”

“Are you sure you aren't just imagining it?”

Lapis makes a face. “Why would I imagine that?”

“Because you think you're so used to Pearl's expressions?” Peridot shrugs awkwardly, casting her gaze elsewhere. “Maybe you want her to notice. Maybe you wanna make her jealous.”

Lapis gasps, pulling away. She waits a moment, staring at her in pure disbelief. Does Peridot really think that? Does Peridot really think that this is all just some stunt to get Pearl jealous? No. No, that's not it. Obviously, there's some tension here, but Peridot can't seriously believe that. Lapis sighs, raking her fingers through her hair before gently leaning in, though she makes sure they're a respectable distance away, because who knows who might be watching them. “Peridot—”

“Sorry,” Peridot groans. “I'm being crazy.”

Lapis rolls her eyes. “No, you're not. If you're being crazy, then I was demented back at the ski trip.”

Peridot turns to her with a gentle smile. “You know if I had it my way, it wouldn't have gone the way it had...”

“I know.” Lapis looks around quickly before reaching over to give Peridot's hand a light squeeze. “Just... I'm not... It's not like that, okay? My feelings for Pearl are... complicated, but they're not romantic. Not anymore. I know it doesn't seem like it, after everything you've experienced but,” She shrugs. “I'm undergoing a process of closure. And it ain't easy, but Jesus, lately it's gotten a lot more easier. Because of you. And no, I don't mean that in a you-take-my-mind-off-her way. I mean that in a general you-take-my-mind-off-everything way.” She smiles lamely before sighing. “Okay, you know I'm shit with words.”

Peridot giggles playfully before saying, “I don't know, Lazuli. You seem just fine to me.”

Lapis smiles, her heartbeat quickening. _Okay, enough goo-goo eyes, man. Turn away now._ And so she does, but not before sending Peridot a quick wink.

She looks up aaaand Pearl is looking at them again. Great.

This time, though, Lapis gets a hold of herself, and tips her chin up in response to her stare. Pearl sucks in a breath, her back straightening, and narrows her gaze as she lifts her glass up to her lips. She doesn't look away even as she's drinking.

Lapis inconspicuously mouthes the word, _What?_

Pearl drops the glass and smiles. _Nothing._ She mouthes back.

Lapis scoffs internally. _What a liar._

The minutes pass by in a blur. The gang gets more and more riled up as more drinks are passed along, broken cups, obnoxious laughter, hazy eyes, playful stories shared within their little circle, the noise of the bar pumping around them, intoxicating them. There really is nothing like the energy of a club—or a bar, be it a good bar. There's just so much life here. So much heart, less mind. Lapis loves this atmosphere. She always has. She always will. She turns to look at Peridot from the corner of her eye, and she watches in disbelieving glee as the shorter girl laughs along to something Ruby says, her body shaking with laughter, her eyes watering—There really is nothing more beautiful than Peridot showered in the glow of this golden light, shadowed by the darkness, animated in the music, alive in this moment. Lapis can't help it.

She loves her so much.

“Shit.”

Lapis's gaze instinctively flies upwards as the vulgar word leaves Steven's mouth. She raises an eyebrow in question, but Steven is looking elsewhere. After a few tense seconds, he turns his gaze down to meet Lapis's. It's loud in the bar, and their group is having a great time. Nobody notices his expression of utter horror. Nobody except Lapis. She looks over her shoulder, towards the direction Steven was staring, and there, framed by the crowds of people lounging about casually with drinks in their hand, enjoying the sound and the people and the atmosphere... is Jasper.

Lapis whips her gaze back to Steven, her eyes wide with fury.

_Fuck._

“Jasper!” Ruby yells out, standing up. “Glad you took my advice and decided to leave practice early!”

Peridot does an immediate spit-take before hurriedly pretending like nothing happened. She wipes her mouth with the back of her hand and holds the drink close to her chest. “Sorry,” She mutters, flushing under everybody's confused stares. Of course, she has a reason to be panicky, since she and Jasper basically _broke up_ like two weeks ago. If it were Lapis doing the spit-take, it would've been a _lot_ more suspicious.

But Lapis is freaking out too. Her insides have turned ice-cold and her brain's frozen over. She hears the rest of the group exchange greetings with their familiar friend, slapping hands, embracing, laughing. But when the silence reigns in, Lapis knows she has to look up. She has to look up and face her. She sweeps her gaze upwards, but Jasper isn't looking at her.

She's looking at Peridot.

“Um,” Jasper blinks, before turning her gaze to Lapis. Her eyebrows are furrowed together. “Lapis?”

Lapis works her jaw. _Come on, say something._ “Jasper!” She stands up shakily—thank God for shit lighting—before leaning in to hug her. She speaks so that only Jasper can hear her. “Sorry! I saw her on the way here and I felt bad so—”

They pull away awkwardly, and Jasper smiles like nothing's wrong. “It's cool, Lap. That was really nice of you.”

Lapis flushes. _Fuck, I'm going to hell._

“Um,” She scratches the back of her neck. “I really wasn't expecting this though. And it's only been a few weeks...”

“I can go,” Peridot quickly mutters.

Jasper's eyes widen in panic. “What?! No, no, stay. I was just—” She clears her throat awkwardly, hands shoved into the pockets of her joggers. “Sorry, this just took me by surprise. But you're here, and everybody's having a great time. Don't worry about it.”

Peridot casts Lapis a fleeting glance, before looking down. “Okay...”

The situation becomes awkward very quickly.

Lapis stares at Steven, her teeth biting into the flesh of her cheek. Her best friend, in turn, has now become very engrossed on the drink in his hands. He's trying his absolute best to turn the glass cup into liquid with his gaze alone.

“So!” Jasper claps her hands together. “Who's up for a game?”

Pearl snickers. “You always wanna play games, Jasper.”

“Well, yeah, cause they're fun!” She laughs, grabbing a drink before downing it in one go. “And everybody suddenly got really quiet when I arrived so,” She chuckles. “Might as well take this opportunity to spruce this party up a bit, huh?”

Ruby grins and nods. “I think it's a great idea! Wha'dya have in mind, Jasper?”

Jasper looks up at the ceiling, her bottom lip caught in-between her teeth, before she turns back to them with a mad grin. “I've got it!” She winks. “Let's play Paranoia.”

Lapis pales. _Yes, let us play a frequently-sexualized game in a situation where I have to keep my current-lover a secret._ “I-I think I might sit this one out.”

“What?!” Jasper narrows her gaze at her. “No way, Lap. You're playing this. There's no way you're getting out of it.”

Lapis smiles falsely before burying her face in her hands. “Fuck my balls.” She hisses underneath her breath

Peridot glances at her and whispers, “What're we gonna do?”

_Lie? But then Jasper'd be even more hurt when she finds out._

_Tell the truth? In front of everybody? And make a huge scene?_

_Fuck._

_What the hell are they gonna do?_

Lapis grits her teeth together, her expression desperate. She flicks her gaze up to meet the bottles sitting casually on the table in front of her, before taking a deep, stabilizing breath. “I've never regretted anything I did drunk.”

Peridot immediately glares at her. “What a load of bullshit.”

“Fine, fine, but,” She reaches out to take a bottle before taking a huge sip. “If I'm gonna go down, I'm gonna go down wasted.”

Peridot hisses, “Is that really the best thing to do right now?!”

Lapis glances at her. And there's this look in her eyes. This look that practically screams, _We're fucking screwed anyways._

Peridot hesitates, before turning away. She stares at the bottles hard enough to decimate them entirely. Finally, after a moment of self-contemplation, she reaches forward to grab one. “Fuck,” She whispers. “I hope heaven left a few spots for us.”

“If not, I'll be meeting you in hell.”

“Oh, I'm counting on it.”

They drink in unison, before Ruby starts the first round.

She leans over towards Sapphire, whispering something into her ear, causing her to giggle in embarrassment in the most adorable way ever. Lapis takes another bottle and drinks. Peridot does the same, but she grabs the whiskey this time. With her eyes shut, she downs the entire drink in one go before pulling away hissing. She drops the cup back down and turns to Lapis, her expression dazed and unfocused.

“I think it's working.” She mumbles, blinking rapidly.

Lapis grins, before reaching over to swipe a cup of whiskey herself. “Well then, by golly, I want it.”

Ruby's finished asking her question by the time Lapis downs her drink. Sapphire flushes timidly, before murmuring, “Ruby.”

Everybody exchanges glances.

“Well, that was predictable.” Jasper muses. “This'd be a lot funner with single people.”

Pearl rolls her eyes. “Just flip the coin.”

And so Jasper does. The coin turns up heads. Jasper grins up at Sapphire. “Okay, so what was the question?”

Sapphire blushes while Ruby cheekily answers, “Who would you most like to see stripped down to their underwear...?”

Jasper narrows her gaze. “Alright, I'm switching the seats in here. Couples can't sit together. Fact!”

Lapis immediately turns to look at Peridot, but then she realizes what she's doing and turns away. “Oops sorry, my eyes slipped.”

Peridot shoots her a grin, her fourth cup of whiskey dangling from her fingers. “Don't worry, mine do that all the time.”

Lapis fails to suppress her giggles, but she's trying so hard that her laughter comes off as more of a snort-chuckle thing. “You look like a fluffy dorito right now.”

Peridot has to shut her eyes cause she's laughing so hard. By the time they calm down, Connie, Pearl and Ruby have switched seats. So now it's Jasper, Lapis, Peridot, Steven, Ruby, Pearl, Connie, and Sapphire.

Jasper claps her hands together. “Perfect! Now we can continue with the game!” He gestures to Pearl. “You start, Pearl. Since you're sitting at the same spot Sapphy was.”

But Pearl immediately raises her hands in declination. “Nope, I am not starting this. I pass my turn to Ruby.”

“I don't mind!” Ruby exclaims.

Jasper rolls her eyes. “But Ruby getting two turns is not fair.”

The short, square-haired boxer winks. “That's not what your mother said to me last night.”

Lapis bursts out laughing, and Jasper flips Ruby off in amusement. Everybody else is chuckling along, but Lapis is—unfortunately—the loudest. “Okay, so that wasn't that funny,” Lapis says suddenly, raising her hands in the air. “But that was _so_ funny. Does that make sense?”

“Jesus Christ, how many has she had to drink?” Steven whispers to Peridot.

But Peridot turns to him with her brows furrowed. She leans in, squinting, and says, “Steven, my name's not Jesus Christ. It's Peridot.”

Steven stares at her, blinking. He pulls away. “How many have _you_ had to drink?”

“Lost count. Also my fingers aren't working.” She raises a hand in the air and wriggles them, but she's obviously struggling trying to do so. “I think the alcohol's making me numb. Does that normally happen?”

Steven makes a face. “Well, shit.”

Jasper finally relents, so Ruby gets another turn to lean in and whisper something in Steven's ear. Steven stares hard at the floor, before he pulls away in surprise. He stares at her for a moment, his gaze searching. “Um,” He turns to the rest of the group. “... Pearl, I guess.”

Pearl raises a curious eyebrow just as Jasper flips the coin.

It lands on heads. “Question!” Jasper exclaims, grinning.

Steven flushes. “She, um, she asked who in this circle I'd want Lapis to end up with.”

Lapis blinks. She blinks again. And then she blinks the third time, but for some reason, the haziness in her eyes can't seem to go away. She flicks her gaze to Pearl, who seems to be staring back at her with mixed shock and confusion. She fiddles with her thumbs, her cheeks red.

But Steven only said that cause Jasper's sitting right there, and he couldn't have said Peridot. Lapis turns to glance at her little companion, only to watch her wrap her arms around herself in self-consciousness. Peridot reaches over to grab another glass of whiskey before sighing. “It got real quiet suddenly,” She says loudly, her voice edgy and not-at-all friendly. “Let's continue with the game!”

Lapis shoots her a defeated look, but Steven immediately leans in to oblige. He whispers something in her ear, something hushed and undecipherable, no matter how hard Lapis strains her ears to listen. Finally, Steven pulls away, and Peridot is left sitting there blinking underneath the lights flashing about from the panels above. She turns to the blue-haired bartender, her gaze narrowed, before bitterly saying her name, “Lapis.”

Steven makes a face. “What? But I didn't—”

“Lapis.”

Lapis looks horrified.

Jasper looks around, confused, before flipping the coin in her hand. It lands on heads.

“Steven asked who I thought was most likely to die of heartbreak.” Peridot smiles stiffly. “Lapis.”

Lapis's jaw hangs slack. _Oh this girl—_

Steven reaches towards her. “Wait, Peridot, I didn't—”

“Well, next round, shall we?” Lapis declares loudly, making Steven face-palm.

Peridot narrows her gaze, but she keeps her eyes on Lapis's. Slowly, she edges in towards her, hands clenched behind her. “Who would you—” Lapis holds her breath, listening. She can smell the alcohol on her breath. “—most want to... kiss?”

Lapis blinks, before pulling away, blinking. “You.”

And then silence reigns in on the room.

Lapis takes two full seconds to realize what she had just said. Her eyes widen in appalled shock but before she can correct herself, Jasper's already flipping the coin.

Peridot seems to have realized what was going on too, because she looks just as horrified.

The coin lands—

—on tails.

Lapis clutches her chest, breathing out a sigh of relief. “W-Well,” She laughs stupidly, glancing around the circle. “Next?”

Ruby raises a skeptical eyebrow. “Man, I wanted to know what the question was!”

“Rules of the game, ma'am!” Lapis says mechanically. “Can't divulge in our privacy!” She turns to Jasper and smiles. “You ready?”

And Jasper's red and hazy and confused, so obviously, she's drunk. “Hell yeah!” She roars, grinning.

Lapis leans in, trying to come up with a question that'd make everybody forget about her little fiasco. She thinks for a moment, before brightening. “Who would you most wanna take home to meet your parents?”

And this is an easy one, cause Lapis and Jasper had this discussion before. Jasper wants Lapis to meet her family, because they've been great friends for so long now and she still hasn't met them, because they live all the way in Russia.

But then Jasper blinks, and says, “Peridot.”

Lapis opens her mouth, before clamping it shut. “What?”

Jasper squints at her. “Um...”

Sapphire takes the coin from between Jasper's open palm and flips it. It lands on heads.

But Lapis and Jasper are too busy staring at each other to notice. Jasper just looks confused, a little dazed, uncertain, embarrassed—and Lapis... Lapis looks enraged. How _dare_ she say her girlfriend's name? How _dare_ she say she wants to bring Peridot home to meet her parents when _Lapis_ is the one dating her? How dare she. How _dare_ she—

“Lapis? Jasper?”

Lapis blinks, sucking in a breath and releasing it slowly. She looks around the group, eyes wide with alarm. “Um,” She forces a smile. “I asked who she'd most wanna bring home to meet her parents.”

Sapphire blushes. “Aw.”

_Yeah, big fucking aw._

Lapis focuses her gaze on the ground. Did she seriously just give Jasper that expression? What's she gonna think of her now?

But what the hell... How could she say that? How could she say Peridot in front of everyone? She knows she's drunk but...

 _What did you expect, Lapis? Jasper_ is _still in love with her._

_She's in love with her._

_And you're_ dating _her._

_What kind of friend are you?_

Lapis shuts her eyes. Oh no. The alcohol is supposed to be taking this away. Why are they coming back? Why're the voices coming back?! She can't do this. She's gonna break. She's gonna break and tell Jasper everything and ruin their friendship and—

Somebody grabs her left hand and squeezes it tightly.

She takes a breath, even though her eyes are still shut closed.

“Lapis,” She hears Peridot whisper, her voice slurred, but intoxicatingly clear. “I'm here.”

Oh God. She knows this is supposed to make her feel worse but...

But Peridot is _here._ Somebody's here, and it's Peridot, the woman she loves. Lapis gently opens her eyes and glances at her from the corner of her eye. She smiles, before cupping her own hand over Peridot's and squeezing. They're all sitting really closely together, so no one can tell that they're holding hands. Not if they keep it behind their backs. “Thanks.” She murmurs.

The game goes on until it reaches Pearl, and then it takes a turn and reverses the order. So Pearl starts first, followed by Connie, then Sapphire, then Jasper, and so on. By then, Lapis and Peridot have gotten another two more shots in, so they're drunk as fuck. But then again, so is everyone else. Even _Pearl_ is cutting it loose, having just downed her third shot of whiskey. She laughs as she slams the cup back on the table. “Yeah, exactly what I said! I told her _don't you think that hat is a little excessive?_ And she looked at _me_ like I was nuts!”

Everybody starts laughing, even if some of them don't know why. Including Lapis, who still has her hand over Peridot's. “Okay, okay!” She exclaims, holding back fits of laughter. “We have to—continue the game! It's Jasper's fucking turn!”

Jasper grins. “Fuck yeah! I've been waitin' for this. Okay, c'mere, Lap—”

“Are you gonna kiss me?!”

“No! Jesus Christ!” Jasper leans in, giggling. “Just lemme smooch you a little.”

Lapis starts pushing her away with her one free arm. “Hell no, Jasp! Get the hell away, I ain't interested in your foul ass!” Everyone laughs at their stupid little game, even if a part of Lapis is still consciously aware that she's threading on a very thin line here. Just millimeters away, her other hand is intertwined with Peridot's, and if Jasper somehow sees that...

“Okay, okay, listen. Geez.” Jasper brings her voice down to a whisper and says, “You gotta answer honestly here, Lap. Cause I got a plan that'll make your night.” She winks.

Lapis pulls away, disgruntled. “Whatchu' on about, Jasper?”

“Just _listen_. Pearl's been staring at you _all_ night! She's gonna get a kick outta' this!”

_Wait... What?_

“Who would you most like to fuck in this room?”

_Fuck. Well, that's easy. Obviously, it's—_

“Peridot.” Lapis says immediately, staring off at a spot in the distance.

Jasper pulls away, shocked. “What?”

Somebody flips the coin, and then someone else yells, “It's heads! What was the question?”

_The question. What was the question? Were we playing a game? Oh my God, I'm so drunk. What—_

_Shit._

_Shit, I remember now._

_Jasper asked who'd I most want to fuck._

_And I said_ Peridot.

“I mean—” She whips her gaze up to meet everybody's eye and hurriedly blurts, “Pearl. I meant Pearl. Since, y'know, most chemistry and all.” She bites her lip awkwardly, and then she glances at Jasper, who still looks a little too startled to respond, before twisting her gaze back to Peridot. “Though this little cutie would be cool too!” She tries to play it off as a joke, even though her heart's beating like crazy.

Peridot returns her gaze and smirks, before squeezing her hand.

_Nice save._

Lapis turns back to Jasper, grinning. “Sorry, man. I'm so drunk, my tongue just slipped. Wouldn't it be so fucking awkward otherwise though?!” Man, the alcohol seriously makes it easier to lie your fucking head off.

Jasper hesitates a little, but she's smiling now too. “Yeah, it would've been weird.” She laughs lightly before saying, “The question was who'd Lapis wanna fuck most in this room.”

And everybody's so drunk that they're suddenly laughing and playing it off like it's nothing. Amidst the burning lights and the pulsing music, it's easy to get lost in it all, especially if you have about five to ten shots of whiskey dissolving in your body. Lapis looks up right when Pearl does, and for this one intense moment, they share a look so strangely magnetic that neither of them can look away. Pearl blinks, before narrowing her gaze.

Lapis can hardly believe it. Pearl still knows. Despite everything that's happened tonight, she can still see right through her.

She brings the cup up to her lips and shakes her head. _This is a bad idea, Lapis._

Lapis squints. Who the hell is she to tell her what she should do? She doesn't belong in her life anymore. With the alcohol still buzzing in her brain, she makes a big show of standing up (and thus, letting go of Peridot's hand) and grabbing a bottle from the center table. “Cheers!” She exclaims, raising the bottle. “To the eight of us!”

Ruby stands up next, hiccuping childishly. “Cheers!” She yells, even though she's not holding a drink. Flushing, Sapphire reaches towards her, handing her a drink so that she can raise a glass.

Soon everybody's standing up around her, glasses raised in the air, voices loud, eyes bright with joy and mad wonder and delusional ignorance. They all look so happy. Happy. Lapis likes happy. She wants this moment to last forever, even if it is false, even if she is lying—even if it doesn't exist. Cause that's what the imagination's for, right?

Half an hour later, they decide to stop and head home. It's already 3 in the morning, and everybody's literally just drunk out of their minds. Everybody except Pearl, who still has enough grace to walk in a—slightly unstable—straight line, and Connie, who has a surprisingly kickass tolerance for alcohol. Steven has to lean on her for support as she slowly leads them towards their Uber. She waves at them goodbye, disappearing inside the car, along with Pearl, who live only a few blocks away from them. Before Pearl leaves, she brushes past Lapis, staring at her intently in the eye.

“Be careful, Lapis.” She whispers, so softly that only Lapis can hear it.

Lapis narrows her gaze, searching. But Pearl's already disappeared into the car by the time her hazy mind can comprehend what she's talking about. They watch as the car drives off, getting smaller and smaller in the distance until it finally vanishes into the night. Ruby and Sapphire are the next one to go. They hug their friends flimsily, laughing and giggling and clinging stupidly onto each other like madmen, before they make their way down the sidewalk hand-in-hand. They only live a couple of roads down, so it's fine for them to walk. Plus the night's kind of pretty in this part of town.

And then it's only her, Peridot and Jasper.

Peridot sucks in a breath. “Well, I'll head off too!”

“Want a ride?” Jasper offers, grinning. And she's drunk, so that little flirtatious tone she takes on is excused... But that doesn't make it any easier for Lapis to control her seething jealousy.

Peridot giggles playfully before shaking her head. “It's fine, I called an Uber a few minutes ago, it should be just down the street.”

Jasper nods. “Alright, cool. It was great seeing you again!”

Peridot flashes her a smile, and Jasper immediately brightens at the sight. “You too!”

Lapis watches her go, her hands clenched beside her, vision blurry, focus unsteady. She is drunk as hell, but she knows what her feelings are telling her to do. “Jasper, there's something I need to—”

“Tonight has been so great, Lapis.”

Lapis turns towards her, her eyebrow piqued upwards in curiosity. “What?”

Jasper has her eyes shut, and her arms open wide, as if she's taking this all in, as if she's breathing in the very essence of life. “Tonight. I'm so happy I made it. It's the first time since Peridot's rejection that I felt... _alive_. It's been tough, you know? Dealing with it. I was in huge denial at first. I kept trying to convince myself that maybe I still had a chance. And then when I realized I didn't, I was just... hopeless. Depressed.” She turns to throw Lapis a quick smile. “But after tonight, after everything, I just... I don't know. I want it again. I want to feel like this all the time.”

_Don't we all?_

“And I _want_ Peridot to be in our group. Having her around is so much fun.”

Lapis blushes. “Yeah,” She murmurs. “It really is.”

“I wanna be able to laugh with her, and talk with her, and hang out with her again!” Jasper laughs. “It doesn't even matter if we're dating or not. She's just a great person in general. And I wanna be her _friend_.”

Lapis's eyes widen. _Does that mean... Can I finally tell her—_

“So long as none of you start _dating_ her, that is.” Jasper giggles, raking her fingers through her wild mane. “How awkward would _that_ be?! Holy fuck, I don't think I could take it!”

Lapis stares at her, her face going pale and her clenched hands tightening beside her hips. She opens her mouth, before clamping it shut. Even through the alcohol... The guilt is eating her up, festering inside. She sways a little from the dizziness, before nodding. “Yeah.” She murmurs. “ _Really_ fucking weird!”

Jasper drapes an arm around her shoulder. “Thanks, Lap. For tonight. For everything.”

Lapis flushes. “I didn't do anything, Jasper, really—”

“No.” Lapis hesitates, turning her gaze up to meet Jasper's. Her eyes are deathly serious, almost... cold, even. “Seriously,” She says slowly. “Thank you.”

Lapis blinks. How does she respond to this? She's saying thanks but... It's like her voice is conveying a completely different message. She swallows, before nodding.

“Goodnight, Lapis.”

“Night, Jasp.” She steps away nervously. “Um, get home safe!”

Jasper grins. “You too!” And then she's off, her hands shoved casually inside her pockets, head tipped backwards, body loose.

It's as if she hadn't just basically... _threatened_ her. No, it wasn't direct, and Lapis could very well be out of her mind. But... What the hell was that atmosphere? That voice? She shakes her head. It must be alcohol. It has to be. Right?

Blinking, she turns away and forces her legs to move forward. Her bike's somewhere down the street. She doesn't remember where it is. But it's cool, she kept it locked in one of them bike parking thingies. So long as it stays there, she could pick it up tomorrow before work! She wouldn't be able to drive it in her state anyways. She's practically brain-dead. The only thing she seems to be able to focus on is how crazy funny this whole situation is. Before she knows it, she's giggling to herself.

And then somebody grabs her from behind and pulls her in. At first, panic strikes her blind, thinking that maybe she's gonna get mugged, or robbed, or hell, even raped! But then her mind registers the blurry face of her tiny companion, and her worries melt away in a fit of laughter. They're giggling against each other, arms wrapped around each other's bodies, pressed up against an alleyway wall.

“Geez,” Peridot says through her giggles. “I thought you two'd never stop talking.”

“Such a good hider!” Lapis laughs. “You should win an award!”

Peridot kisses her, pulling her in closer against her body, tasting her, loving her. “Christ, I've been wanting to do that all night.” She whispers onto her lips.

Lapis grins. “Same thought, gorgeous.”

“Let's walk.”

“My place or yours?”

“Your place, _duh_.”

And so they disentangle themselves from each other and start walking, though they keep their fingers intertwined. In the darkness of the night, hidden away by the obscurity of the streets, it's easy to get lost in each other, despite being so away from the noise and the drinks and the lights. And that's exactly what Lapis and Peridot do. They get lost in each other, laughing and giggling along, talking about how fucking awkward the whole night was, how crazy it seemed in retrospect, how amazing it was that they managed to pull it off. _Drunk_ , I might add.

“I'm feeling so hyped.” Lapis says giddily. “I wanna do something crazy. _Peridot_ , let's do something _crazy_!”

Peridot laughs at her, her hair sticking out in a mess of yellow. “Like what, bartender? You wanna set a building on fire? I know a good arson!” She pauses, before saying, “Or did he say artist?”

Lapis bends over laughing, and Peridot has to awkwardly pull her up and bring her forward to keep them going. Lapis looks over the dull stores lining the buildings before them, before her eyes brighten up in excitement. “Oh I have a great idea!”

“What is it?” Peridot asks.

“I should get a _tattoo!_ ”

And now it's Peridot's turn to brighten up. “ _Yes_! You totally _should_!!”

Lapis slaps her hands together. “What should I get? Like a dragon or something? Oooh no, I got it.” She puts her hands out in front of her and creates a triangle with her fingers. “A Dorito! Y'know, to symbolize you.”

Peridot rolls her eyes, though she's smirking. “Lame! C'mon, get something that speaks to you!”

“Philosophical even in the face of a drunk decision!” Lapis giggles manically before leaning in to kiss her quickly on the lips. “This is why I love you.”

Peridot's grin widens, her cheeks rosy red. “You really are my favorite person in this entire world.”

Lapis pulls her in and holds her close, her arms wrapped tightly around her neck and her nose buried in Peridot's hair. She breathes her scent in, relishing it, savoring it. God, she smells good. She doesn't understand it. She opens her eyes, and in one of the buildings set on the other side of the street, a quaint little shop sits dormant, waiting to be seen. “Oh!” She gasps, squinting to get a better look at it. “I see a tattoo shop right there! How perfect!”

Peridot pulls away, eyes wide. “Where?!” She follows the length of Lapis's pointed finger before her face splits into a grin. “Oh my God! That's fucking amazing! C'mon, let's go before you regain your senses!”

Lapis laughs out loud as Peridot drags her across the street, high and drunk in love and life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing about drunk people is so fun. He-he.  
> Also I couldn't help but put a How I Met Your Mother reference in there! I always use that whole Ted-Robin-Barney situation thing. I mean, it's so fucking relatable though????
> 
> Anyways, things are starting to look worrisome. But it's not at a bad state... YET. See you guys next week! <3


	13. It's Over

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Title: It's Over  
> Me: ... Isn't it?

Her fingers search the spread of the bed-sheet below her body, warm and inviting. In the darkness behind her eyelids, she sees a flutter of a memory manifest from within, and despite the aching throb pumping in her head, she slowly pulls herself up, groaning from sleep. She looks around, foggy, unsteady, before stretching her arms over her head and lying back down. Her light blue eyes, glowing in the sun, stares straight into a soft face bristling with beauty, and instinctively, her hand shoots upwards to caress the skin that dress her cheek. The other girl sighs in her sleep, her lips quirking upwards in a smile.

“Jesus,” Lapis whispers, her voice hoarse in the morning. “I can't believe you're mine.”

Peridot giggles quietly. “Good morning to you too, bartender.”

Lapis blushes. “You're... awake.”

“Been awake for a while now.”

She gasps. “You fooled me!”

Peridot chuckles, opening her eyes and leaning upwards, pressing her lips against Lapis's as gently as she possibly can, before pulling away. “How's your hangover?” She muses, grinning.

Lapis groans. “Don't even talk about it, I feel like I just got punched by John Cena.”

“Hey, look on the bright side,” Peridot says. “Most would _pay_ for that to happen.”

Lapis laughs, but then immediately cringes as a single spot on her upper back erupts with pain. She pushes herself up on her elbows, eyebrows knitted together in confusion. “What the hell?”

Peridot follows suit, her expression going sober with worry. “What's wrong?”

“I don't know—” She bites her lip. “My—My back hurts. It's like some stinging pain,” She curves her back to try and get a better look at it, but to no avail. “Crap. I can't—I don't know what it is, but it really hurts!”

Peridot sighs. “Okay, hold still, I'll take a look at it.” She flips the end of the blanket down Lapis's slender body, revealing her tanned back and exposing the cause of Lapis's sudden stinging pain. Peridot's eyes go wide with shock. “Oh my God.”

“W-What?!” Lapis hesitates, staring at Peridot's expression in worry. “ _Peridot_ , what the heck is up with my back?! Am I mutating?!”

“You—” Peridot covers her mouth with her hands. “Yoogofatafoo.”

“What?” Lapis narrows her eyes. “Peridot, stop covering your mouth!”

But the blonde can only shake her head. She removes her hand for a moment, before whispering, “We were _so_ drunk last night.”

“ _Oh my God, just tell me what it is!”_

“It's a tattoo.” Peridot blurts. “You got a tattoo on your back.”

Lapis bursts out of the sheets. “ _What?!_ ” She screams, before immediately hesitating. “Fuck, my head. _”_ She rubs her sore temples, staring heatedly at the bed beneath her, before her eyes go wide with horror again. _“Fuck, I have a fucking tattoo!”_ She kicks herself out of bed, tumbling on the ground with a loud cry before racing to the bathroom. “ _Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God! Please_ don't tell me it's a fucking dragon!”

Peridot laughs, tripping along after her in mixed embarrassment and amusement. “It's honestly not that bad! I mean, considering how completely wasted we were, you're lucky you didn't end up with a nipple or something like that.”

Lapis scoffs. “Yeah, that's making me feel better, Peri!” She shoves her back in front of the mirror, twisting to get a good look at the spectacle imprinted on her skin. She stares at it for a long moment, her eyes wide and lips spread out in a skinny oval. After what feels like forever, she takes a breath. Holds it. “Huh.” She whispers, her gaze going soft with understanding. “I remember now.”

Peridot turns to her and asks, “You do?”

“Yeah,” Lapis bites her lip. “I mean, kinda. Really vaguely. But I remember... I remember deciding that I wanted this.” She laughs softly. “I can't believe I actually did it though. I nearly got one two years ago in some tattoo shop in Amsterdam. Pearl and I were there for the summer, and—and I really wanted to get something to symbolize our relationship. I wanted to get a pearl on my lower back, for her.” She waits a moment, before saying, “But I was... unsure. It was so permanent. So—So _real_ , you know?”

Peridot watches her, her eyebrows furrowed together, lips pursed outwards, cheeks painted pink. After a moment, she bows her head and says, “I'm sorry.”

Lapis blinks. “Wait, what?”

Peridot sighs. “I was drunk, but I should've stopped you. I knew that it was a risky move, but I let you do it anyway.” She blushes and shrugs. “I guess I just... I don't know, I wanted you to do something... with _me_. I wanted that... security,” She covers her face with her hand. “It's selfish, I'm sorry.”

“What? Peridot, no!” Lapis leans forward, cupping the blonde's face in her hands, bringing it up to meet hers. “Don't—Don't say that. Don't ever apologize for this. Peri, I—I _love_ the tattoo. I love it, okay?”

Peridot rolls her eyes. “You're just saying that.”

“I am not.” Lapis grins. “Well, I mean, if it gets me a kiss...”

Peridot laughs, slapping her hands away. “Clod.”

“Dork.” Lapis turns back to the mirror, her lips curled upwards in a cheeky smile, before she twists her body and takes another long, hard look at the stinging ink carved into her back. A moment passes, before she says, “I really _am_ glad I did this, Peridot.”

“Yeah?” Peridot takes a step forward, her arm going around Lapis's naked waist and grabbing her gently by the side. She leans in to get a closer look at her upper back, gaze carving a line down the ink on her skin, following the curving slope that meets at a pointed end on the top. “So,” She whispers. “Why a teardrop?”

Lapis takes a deep breath, before saying, “I—I remember thinking... that it marked the first time in my life that I stopped... _hating_ everything about it. It marked the time I stopped having nightmares, the time I stopped crying myself to sleep, the time I stopped second-guessing myself. It marked the time I was finally, genuinely happy.” She turns to give Peridot a long, hard look, before twisting herself around and snaking her arms over her shoulders. “I love you, Peridot Guntherson. And I got this tattoo for me _and_ for you, and I don't regret it at all.”

Peridot's cheeks go pink. She chuckles lightly, before pressing her forehead against Lapis's chin. “Well, my hot, young bartender,” She muses, stroking her back lightly with her fingers. “Now you can honestly say that you live up to your stereotype.”

Lapis laughs, pulling Peridot's naked body close to hers and kissing her lovingly on the head.

* * *

 

Lapis put the bell back on top of the door. Now every-time somebody enters, it'll jingle. And Lapis loves the sound.

“You know you're gonna get bad reviews with that thing.”

Lapis turns to throw Steven a playful glare. “Let them bitch. It's my bar and I like bells. I'm leaving that shit up there.”

Steven chuckles, pressing his cheek against his open palm. “Was Peridot the one who changed your mind or...?”

Lapis rolls her eyes, but she stops cleaning the glasses to fully address him. “Lower your voice, Steven, damn. Jasper could walk in at any moment.”

“And that shouldn't be a problem,” Steven says, raising a finger. “Since you promised to tell her today.”

Lapis makes a face. “After what she said last night? Hell no.”

“I think you're just over-thinking this. You _were_ really drunk, you know. And so was she!”

“Yeah, and drunk people say the honestest things!”

Steven narrows his gaze. “Did you seriously just say honestest?”

“Look, my point is,” Lapis straightens, her hands stretched out in front of her. “She might be over Peridot, but she's not over... the _idea_ of Peridot, you know what I mean?” She sighs, her shoulders slouching. “I'm scared, Steven. That's all there is to it.”

Steven smiles sympathetically. “And I get you, Lapis, I really do. It's just... I don't want you and Peridot to forever be living underneath this rock. I want you guys to be able to talk about each other openly without worrying about whether Jasper was gonna be coming or whether she'd appear or—” He shrugs. “—maybe I even expect you guys to... dance at my wedding?”

Lapis stares at him, her eyebrows shooting upwards in surprise. “Your wedding,” She whispers, going pale in the face. “Oh no.”

“Yeah,” Steven shrugs. “It's only like a month away, you know.”

She presses the butt of her palm against her forehead, breathing out a heavy sigh of frustration. “Goddammit.”

Steven looks over his shoulder for a moment before whirling back around to meet her. “Well, better decide soon, mate. Cause Jasper's heading right this way.”

_What?! But I didn't hear the bell!_

Lapis whips her gaze up to meet Jasper's as she maneuvers her way through the furniture towards the bar. It's still only 3PM, so her bar isn't open yet, meaning, Steven, Jasper and Lapis get the place all to themselves for now. Jasper approaches them, slapping hands with Steven before she reaches over to clap Lapis on the back. The girl immediately freezes over in pain, before releasing her breath in a shallow hiss.

Jasper pulls away, eyebrows raised. “Woah, okay, what the hell?”

Steven chuckles. “Someone got her back painted by a needle.”

Jasper's jaw drops to the ground. “You got a _tattoo?!_ ” She laughs hysterically. “Holy shit, when did this even happen?!”

Lapis blushes, scratching her right arm in embarrassment. “L-Last night. After the party.”

Jasper laughs. “So you just wandered into some random tattoo shop and told them to give you a good shot or something?!”

“No!” Lapis turns away. “Well, I mean—” She shoots Steven a narrow glare. _This is all your fault._

Steven giggles, before pushing himself off his seat. “Well, I gotta bounce! Got a shift tonight with the firefighters and my body's still aching from yesterday's whole escapade issue.”

“Hey yeah, heard you saved like a dozen people from a burning building, Steven!” Jasper grins proudly. “You're _amazing_!”

Steven steps away laughing, scratching the back of his head with a hand wiggling in the air. “Oh, it was hardly me. The others were the ones who cleared the way for me.”

“Yeah, and _you_ were the one who rushed into the building without a second thought.” Lapis chuckles lightly, before her expression gradually falls. “You should be more careful, Steven. I mean, I know you wanna help people. And I know you know what you're doing. But... if something were to happen—”

“Woah, okay, calm down, Lapis.” Steven throws her a loose grin. “I'm gonna be sticking around for a while, so don't worry about that.”

But Lapis isn't reassured. Ever since Steven started this job, she's been... worried about him. He's been lucky so far with all the close-calls he's had but... Lapis doesn't know what she'd do if something actually _were_ to happen to him. She crosses her arms over her chest and releases a shallow breath. “Alright. Good luck out there, Steven.”

Steven smiles, and in his eyes, Lapis sees the spark of something only she recognizes. _You too, Lapis._

She gulps, and he makes his way to the door.

Leaving her and Jasper all alone.

Sober!

“So,” Jasper turns back to her, a smile painting her lips. “How're things with you?”

Lapis flushes. “Um, good.” She laughs awkwardly. “I mean, I have a massive hangover from last night but... What can you do, right?”

Jasper chuckles. “I hear you. I woke up this morning and felt like my head was split open.” She waits a beat, before soberly adding, “And then, of course, Ruby had to mess shit up during training and make everything a thousand times worse.”

Lapis blinks. She leans in sympathetically. “What do you mean? What happened?”

Jasper sighs, her gaze lingering on the little glass cube embedded into the bar to her left. “She... She canceled the match.” She growls. “Again.”

“What?! But that's like the dozenth time!”

“I know.” Jasper sighs again. “I got so pissed at her. I just—I punched her. I couldn't handle it. We fought. Hard. There are bruises all over my back and chest. I managed to give her a bloody nose too. We've never fought that hard before. But everything was just this blur of anger and limbs. I was so angry at her.” She shakes her head sadly. “I don't—I don't know what happened.”

Lapis stares down at her, horror plastered across her face. “Jesus Christ, I'm so sorry, Jasper.”

Jasper shrugs. “Like you said, what can you do, right? Her stupid charade's been going on long enough. Someone had to stop her.” She waits for a moment, staring at her bruised knuckles in guilt. “That someone had to be me.” She says.

Lapis grits her teeth together. “Jasper...”

“Look, I know I have a hangover but... I kinda want a drink.” She chuckles nervously. “Can I get a beer? Or... have you stopped giving free drinks?”

Lapis throws her a compassionate smile. “Anything for my favorite customer.” She leans over the bar to fetch a bottle of beer.

A moment of silence.

Lapis almost forgets about her situation entirely.

That is, until Jasper says, “About your tattoo...”

The blue-haired bartender blinks, her fingers just barely missing the edge of the bottle's cap. She swallows, and makes another grab for it.

“Can I see it?”

Lapis straightens, matching Jasper's half-hearted grin with one of her own. God, she sure as hell wishes she doesn't have to show it. But she can't refuse. Because why the hell would she refuse? What justification would—and could—make the suspicion on Jasper's face go away? She places the bottle on the bar before slowly turning around. With a hand clutching the hem of her shirt, she lifts it up to reveal the little black teardrop marking the spot between her shoulder-blades.

Jasper stares at it for a long time.

“Wow,” She murmurs. “That's—That's really pretty, Lapis.”

Lapis whirls around, astounded. “Really?! You think so?”

“Of course!” Jasper exclaims.

“Oh man,” Laughing, Lapis bends over to press her elbows against the counter. Her heart's beating like crazy. _Jasper doesn't know._ “I just—I don't know, I got so worried. When I woke up this morning and it was there, I thought—' _Shit_ , I must've gotten like some weird ass print or something. I sure as hell hope it ain't a dragon.'”

Jasper laughs. “Well, shit, Lap, you're pretty fucking lucky then! If it were me who got a drunk-tattoo, I think I'd have a fucking leopard slapped on my ass!”

Lapis laughs as well, even though a part of her is still nervous from the exchange. “Yeah, but hey I'm glad I actually have a tattoo now.” She shrugs cheekily. “Been thinking of getting one for the longest time.”

Jasper smiles softly. “I heard.” She chuckles, lifting the bottle up to her lips. “Guess you and Connie are the only badasses in our group. Since, y'know, she has a sword tattoo'd on her ankle too.”

“Oh, yeah,” Lapis laughs. “Oh, and Peridot too. She has one on her lower back—”

She freezes.

_Oh._

_Fuck._

Jasper stares at the drink lifted halfway up to her mouth. She furrows her brows. “How did you...”

Lapis stares down at her hands. They're shaking.

_Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck._

“Oh my God,” Jasper whispers disbelievingly, dropping the bottle back down on the bar. “It's true.” She pushes herself up, her eyes wide in shock and hurt. “Lapis.” She takes a step back. “You're _sleeping_ with Peridot.”

Lapis looks up at her, her heart rapping insanely in her chest. “N-No, Jasper, it's not like that—”

“What the _fuck_?!” She buries her fingers in her hair, her body taut with disappointment, hard with anger. “ _Lapis,_ I can't believe you—You actually—” Her face goes cold with horror. “I had suspicions but I—I didn't think—I _trusted_ you. I knew you wouldn't do that, even though you were acting so suspicious last night, I _knew—_ ”

Lapis pales. _She was suspicious._

“I told myself, Lapis would _never_ do that to you! I fucking _believed_ that!” Jasper screams. “How could you?! You—You _lied_ to my face! You slept with the woman I was in love with!”

“That was before I even knew she was the one!” Lapis exclaims. She clenches her hands into balls to stop them from trembling, but it's no use. They won't stop. “Jasper, I'm—I'm so sorry. I meant to tell you, I just—”

“You're _sorry_?!” Jasper laughs. Once. Spitefully. Lapis recoils from the very sound of it. “You went behind my fucking back and fucked my girlfriend!”

Lapis pales. “But she's not your—” She stops herself just in time.

“What?!” Jasper's expression goes demented with rage. “She's not my _what_?! What the _fuck_ were you gonna say, Lapis?!”

_Oh my God. Oh my fucking God._

_I'm screwed._

_She hates me._

_It's over._

_It's fucking over._

_Fuck._

“Jasper—”

“Shut the _fuck_ up, Lapis.”

Lapis clamps her lips together.

_It's over. She'll hate me forever._

Jasper takes a step back. Then another. She looks around the room, her head spinning, hands shaking. Laughing, she whirls around and makes her way to the door. But she doesn't leave immediately. She lingers at the frame for a moment, her hand clenched tightly around the knob, crushing it into a dented circle. After a long moment of excruciatingly tense silence, Jasper looks over her shoulder and eyes Lapis like it's the first time she's seeing her. Lapis cringes.

 _She hates me_.

Jasper shakes her head once. And then she slams the door behind her.

Lapis stares as she goes, breathing unsteady and uneven, body weak, hands trembling. She slides onto the ground and presses her hands against her mouth, her eyes won't quit watering, her shoulders are shaking like an earthquake, and every single fiber in her body is screaming at her for making this fatal mistake, for screwing up, for telling Jasper about their relationship in the worst way possible. She can hear the walls around her collapsing. She lost it all. Her best friend hates her.

There's no going back.

She messed up.

Fuck, she messed up bad.

* * *

 

Ruby taps on the bar a few times, but Lapis only manages to hear the ending to the final one. Everything else is a blur. Her head's heavy, her heart's in her stomach, and everything inside of her is knotted together in a pretzel. She looks up, blinking, before slowly breathing out a sigh.

“Ruby.” She whispers. “Hi.”

The dark-skinned boxer furrows her brows, her arms crossed over her chest. “You've got some explaining to do.”

It's been more than five days, but Lapis is still feeling the brunt of the attack. She can still hear Jasper's voice screaming at her, her eyes staring back at her like—like she didn't even recognize her. Like she hated her. Loathed her. Lapis shuts her eyes and nods. “I know.”

Ruby's pretending to be the bad cop, because Jasper's her friend, and she owes her that much. But when she speaks, her voice is sympathetic and gentle. She cares. “Lapis... Jasper won't even tell anyone what happened. All we know is that it has something to do with you and Peridot.” Ruby sighs, her tense shoulders slouching down in sadness. “She's been flunking her matches. And training too. Coach has been yelling at her to pick up her game, but the only reason she's still on the team is cause I'm vouching for her.” She shrugs. “Perks of being the biggest sponsor, right?”

Lapis frowns. Her insides feel like lead. She can't even speak.

“Lapis—”

“Ruby,” She reaches forward to grab the shorter girl's shoulders, but her hands are shaking, so she immediately pulls away. “I don't—I don't know what to do. I've tried calling her, but she won't pick up. I went to her place, but she won't open the door. I—I even sent her mail. Snail-mail. I fucking—” She shakes her head. “I paid three fucking dollars for stamps and mailed it to her place and I swear to God, it probably hasn't even arrived yet!”

Ruby reaches out to touch her gently on the shoulder. “Lapis, at this rate... I don't know,” She sighs. “I've never seen her so out of it before. It's like her break-up with Peridot but... Ten times worse.”

Of course it'd be ten times worse. Because she found out she lost Peridot to _Lapis_. Her _best_ friend. And they've been going out behind her back all this time. How shitty would that feel? Fuck. Lapis screwed up.

She clenches her hands in front of her, watching them wither in pain. After a moment, she takes a breath, and says, “Peridot's my girlfriend.”

Ruby snaps her gaze up, blinking.

A long silence stretches throughout the room.

“I'm sorry,” She finally whispers. “But I thought I just heard you say—”

“Peridot and I are together.” Lapis says again, which only makes Ruby double-over in shock.

“What?!”

Lapis grits her teeth together. “We—We have been... for about a week now. Maybe more. I just—” She shuts her eyes. “I planned on telling her, I really did. I was gonna—I was gonna do it the clean way. I was gonna confess. Lay it all straight. But everything just—everything went wrong and... she found out. I couldn't—” She chokes on the last word, so she clamps her lips shut.

Ruby looks so horrified, so speechless. Her jaw hangs slack, and her eyes are wide in bewilderment. “I... I don't know what to say.” She bites her lip. “I mean... For you to be dating someone is already... something _insane_. But for that person to be _Peridot_?” She shakes her head. “This... makes everything really complicated.”

“I know.” Lapis groans, burying her head in her hands. “And trust me, Ruby, I've tried fixing my mistake. I tried staying away from her. I—I tried to _give up_ on her but—but I couldn't. I haven't felt the way I feel with Peridot since Pearl and—and I couldn't give that up.”

Ruby shakes her head. “I don't expect you to, Lapis.” She looks away sadly. “I mean, if it was worth hurting Jasper over, then it'd probably be worth it.”

“I didn't _mean_ to hurt her—”

“I know.”

Lapis looks away, dejected. “What do I do?”

Ruby only sighs, her hands still crossed tightly over her chest. She stares off at a spot in the distance, the same spot that Jasper once sat before she found out that Lapis screwed her over. Jesus. Everything is a mess.

Lapis hates herself.

She hates the world.

She hates everything.

What the fuck?

“I'll talk to her.”

Lapis looks up, hopeful. “You will?”

Ruby nods. Firmly. “But I can't make any promises.”

“That doesn't matter!” Lapis reaches forward to clumsily grasp at her hands, pinching them tightly together with hers. “Thank you so much, Ruby.”

Ruby blushes, failing to subdue her grin. “G-Geez, Lapis. I'm just gonna tell her to give you another chance. She—She might not even go for it.”

“But you're _trying_.” Lapis smiles. “That's more than I could ever ask for...”

And it's in this moment that Ruby realizes how sincere Lapis actually is. She made a mistake, yeah. And she should've told her. She should've done it way before their relationship even happened. But people make mistakes. And Ruby cares for both her and Jasper. Ruby pulls her hands away slowly before nodding. “Alright. I'll talk to her.” She laughs awkwardly. “I don't wanna take advantage of your situation but... One good thing to come out of this whole mess is that Jasper's talking to me again.” She throws her a half-hearted smile. “I thought we'd be over after our fight. I thought she'd hate me forever. But she doesn't. And she wants to be my friend again.” She shrugs. “I—I know it's selfish but... I'm happy that I get to be there for her again.”

“It's not selfish,” Lapis whispers, her voice excruciatingly sober. “It's only natural. I'm—I'm glad you two are best friends again, Ruby.”

Ruby smiles softly. “Thanks, Lapis.” With a final sigh, she takes a step back and makes her way to the door. Before she leaves, however, she throws one last look over her shoulder and says, “Oh, and Lapis?”

Lapis looks up, confused. “Yeah?”

Ruby purses her lips. “I'm glad you found Peridot.” She hesitates. “I mean, what happened was... unfortunate. For that person to be Jasper's ex, to be the woman Jasper's still in love with... That sucks.” She sighs. “But... I'm glad you're finally moving on. We all are.”

Lapis falters. Her vision blurs. Jesus. There are too many emotions for her to handle this week. She reaches up to cup her hand over her mouth before nodding. That's all Ruby needs. She leaves Lapis to her own disarray, shutting the door quietly behind her. The bell has been taken down again. Lapis doesn't want it up there. Not after what happened.

She looks down at her hands, her eyes narrowed.

 _I thought she'd hate me forever_ , Ruby said. _But she doesn't._

Lapis wonders if she can ever be that lucky.

The door opens again, and Lapis subconsciously wonders if Ruby might've left something behind, because her bar's closed for the night—it has been closed since Jasper found out, because Lapis just doesn't have the energy to deal with everything right now. Her excuse is that her speaker's busted, which is partly true. Because what better thing to angrily bash at with a baseball bat than an oversize metal speaker?—but it isn't Ruby.

The figure makes her way towards the bar, her footsteps light, silhouette small. Instead of taking a seat or remaining before the bar, she makes a turn around the edge and walks towards Lapis, her arms outstretched. Once she's within range, she hugs her. She hugs her tightly.

So tightly that Lapis suddenly finds it hard to draw breath. Or maybe that's just because she's crying again.

“Hey,” Peridot whispers, smoothening out the back of Lapis's head lovingly. “Lapis?”

Lapis sniffles, trying to hold back her remaining tears with whatever strength she has left. “Peridot, I messed up.”

Peridot sighs. “You've been saying that for the past four days now, Lapis. You shouldn't... You shouldn't put yourself down so much.”

“But I _hurt_ her, Peri. I exposed us and—and now she'll _never_ forgive me! She's even started flunking matches and screwing up training! What if she gets kicked out of the team?! It'll be all _my_ fault!”

“No.” Peridot grits her teeth together, her grip around her waist hard and resolute. “Lapis, you tried so hard to make things better for her. Before we got together, you forced yourself into this huge depression pool _just_ so that she could be happy with me. If it wasn't for my own feelings for you, I would probably still be with her right now. But _you_ did that, _you_ tried to fix things for her. You gave your own heart away just so she could mend hers.” She laughs disbelievingly. “How can you think that all you did was hurt her?”

A part of Lapis knows she's right. A part of her wants to believe her. But the other can't get the image of Jasper's face out of her head. She betrayed her. That's what she did. “Peridot,” She sobs, wrapping her arms tightly around her lover's neck and pulling her close. “She's never gonna forgive me.”

Peridot kisses her softly on the ear. “Yes, she will. Give it time.” She exhales slowly through her nose, before saying, “Sometimes we need to let ourselves hurt—we need to hate and screw-up and be depressed—in order to finally move on.”

“It can't be that simple.”

“It's not.” Peridot shakes her head. “You have to put in effort too. And I _know_ you are, Lapis. You're trying so hard.”

Lapis wants to melt. She still feels horrible over what she did to Jasper, but Peridot's voice and Peridot's touch and Peridot's words and Peridot _herself—_ Fuck. “I love you.” Her crying gradually intensifies until she can't stop. She's sobbing into her hair, feeling way too overwhelmed with her own emotions. “I love you so much, Peridot.”

“W-Woah, Lapis,” Peridot's voice goes high with worry. “Are you—Shit, what's going on? What's—I'm sorry! Lapis?”

Lapis laughs while she's crying, which is crazy but she can't help it. She's a guilty criminal charged for stealing Peridot's heart, and that makes her a sinner, but never before has a sin made her feel so wonderful. She pulls away, wiping her tears with the back of her hand and inhaling grossly to clear her nose from the mucus. Peridot makes a face and Lapis laughs. “I love you.” She says again, leaning in to kiss her. Peridot instinctively pulls away because of the wetness surrounding the bottom of her nose, but then she laughs and kisses her quickly on the mouth.

“Stars, you're a mess,” She smiles at her beautifully, wonderfully, lovingly, before sighing into her embrace. “But you're my mess. And I love you too. I love you so much, baby—” Fuck, she called her baby, there goes her heart. “—And I will never regret what happened. Not even if a million cities crumble beneath our feet.”

Lapis laughs, her voice strained and croaky. “Someone needs her poetic license.”

“All in due time.” Peridot grins. “You should clean yourself up,” She kisses her neck teasingly. “Because you don't wanna walk into some fancy restaurant looking like _that_ , do you?”

Lapis blinks, before pulling away. “Fancy restaurant...?” She narrows her gaze. “What—What're you talking about?”

Peridot smiles. “I'm taking you out.”

Lapis's face falls. “But—” She looks away guiltily. “I'm not—I'm not really feeling it, Peridot...”

But Peridot won't have that. She rolls her eyes and presses her palms against her sides. “Well, _too bad._ Like hell I'm letting you waste away at home drunk on guilt and regret. I'm taking you out, and we're gonna have fun.”

“Peridot—”

“Come _on_ , Lapis.” Peridot pleads, her eyes soft with worry. “I'll make you feel better. I promise. I'll take your mind off this, I'll buy you a bunch of gifts, I'll do whatever you want me to, I'll—”

“You don't need to make so many promises, Peridot.” Lapis sighs, before wiping her nose with her hand. “So long as I'm with you... I know I'll feel better already.”

Peridot smiles. She reaches up to tuck a stray strand of blue hair behind Lapis's ear. “Okay.”

“I'll clean up.” Lapis says softly, before turning around to make her way to the bathroom.

Peridot clasps her wrist before she can go, and pulls her back in. Lapis whirls around, surprised, propelled by the force of Peridot's hand, until they collide together, and Peridot suddenly has her lips pressed firmly against Lapis's. They kiss hungrily, greedily, thirstily—Peridot grips her sides so hard they hurt, but Peridot causing her physical pain is so much of a turn-on that Lapis isn't even bothered by it anymore. When she pulls away, Lapis can hear her own breathing go raspy and uneven. She stares down at her in mild surprise, and the girl laughs at her expression.

“I love you.”

Lapis blushes, before opening her mouth. “I love you to—”

“And I love you more.” Peridot says, interrupting her. She grins, before tapping her playfully on the butt. “Your mucus is disgusting.”

Lapis laughs—once—before flipping her off. “Fuck off, stranger.”

Peridot's grin widens. “There's the bartender I love.”

And fuck, it's insane how much control she has on her. One encounter, one kiss, one beautiful smile... and Lapis is feeling so much better. She sighs, reaching over to press her palm adoringly against Peridot's cheek, before making her way to the bathroom. The whole while, even though the thought of Jasper still lurks at the back of her mind, even though a part of her is still throbbing painfully at the memory of her eyes so filled with loathe and hatred—there is a part of her that's... happy. She walks with her body heavy with love, heart beating rapidly inside her chest, and a goofy grin enveloping her face with beauty.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay sorry that this chapter is so short! BUT I did warn you guys in the beginning that chapters were gonna be short for this story! I even completely ignored that I said that and gradually made them longer anyways!! I don't know if y'all noticed but the chapters got longer with each chapter!!!!
> 
> So here's a short chapter. Ha-ha.   
> Another week to find out if Jasper is gonna forgive her  
> Another week to find out if Lapis and Peridot are gonna be ok  
> Another week to   
> SUFFER
> 
> ...  
> ANYWAYS  
> YOUR COMMENTS CONTINUE TO FILL MY HEART WITH JOY <3 Thank you all sooooo much. I love you guys. Your support means the world to me. This fan-fiction - this WORLD - wouldn't exist without y'all. 
> 
>  
> 
> (ALSO IF ANY OF YOU PLAY THE APP GAME "EPISODE" ON iPHONE, I RECENTLY JUST PUBLISHED MY OWN STORY CALLED "The Idea of Perfection" asdjnskfnasf DO CHECK IT OUT!!!)
> 
> BYE THX LOVE U GAIS


	14. It's Not Gonna Be Easy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, this chapter was A LOT longer than I had anticipated. I almost had to split it up into two separate chapters. I had to shorten it somehow, so it's kinda a cut-cut thing where it skips to scenes. Hope y'all don't mind!

Lapis stares at herself in the mirror, dragging the tip of her index finger along the dark cavern marking the bottom of her eyes. She groans, slamming her forehead against the glass before immediately pulling away and hissing in pain. She rubs the sore spot on her head and sighs. “Do you think customers will quit coming to my bar if the bartender behind it looks seemingly less attractive?” She turns around and gestures to her face to emphasize her point. “Because these dark rings and red eyes aren't going away anytime soon.”

Peridot sighs, buttoning the first two buttons of her hoodie wrong before unbuttoning them again. She lets it dangle across her bare body, black sports bra poking from underneath the cloth. “Baby, you need to stop thinking about your business and start thinking about your wellbeing for once.”

 _Baby._ Lapis thinks. _She called me baby again._

“You're crying every other night because of what happened with Jasper. And if I'm not here every night to handle that...”

“But you are.” Lapis says quickly, hesitating. “And you're gonna stay for as long as I need you... Right?”

Peridot slouches down in sadness. “I'm sure Thunk doesn't mind having the whole apartment to himself but... I'd be paying rent I can't even afford for a place that I'm not even staying in.” She sighs. “I should make use of what I'm spending, Lapis...”

Lapis's face falls in horror. “But—” She bites her lip. “You could... move in?”

Peridot blinks. She works her jaw, speechless. “Um,” She looks away guiltily. “It's only been three weeks, Lapis...”

Lapis hesitates. “But it'd save you a shitload of cash! I—I mean, rent's expensive here but I could hoard the price for you, since I'm paying everything anyways. Mom doesn't mind, she wants me to keep appearances so she's fine paying half the rent so long as I keep going to her stupid Galas and shit like that,” Lapis flushes, fully aware that she's rambling but too panicky to stop. “And my bar's doing really good right now despite the fact that I'm messing up its schedule and scaring all my customers away so I could keep paying the rent and you could live here and—”

“Lapis.”

Lapis winces, shrinking away. “I'm sorry,” She curls her arms around herself. “I just... I don't—I don't want you to leave.”

Peridot's expression goes soft with concern. She makes her way towards her, reaching out to grasp gently at her arms, before caressing her skin. She sighs, her lips curled downwards in worry. “I'd love to, Lapis,” She hesitates. “But I just... I don't think this is the greatest time to do that.”

“What do you mean?” Lapis whispers.

Peridot shrugs. “I don't wanna move in... just cause you need somebody to cry on at night. I'll come every other night to keep you company, I'll stay with you, but I just—” She shakes her head, squeezing Lapis's arms tightly. “I don't wanna be _that_ person.”

“Peridot, that's not—” Lapis pauses, her breath faltering. That's not... what? Peridot's right. Lapis knows she's right. But she's making up excuses because she doesn't wanna be left alone. Sighing, she hangs her head and takes a step back. “You're right, I'm sorry.”

Peridot frowns. “Don't step away from me, Lapis.”

Lapis looks up, surprised. “Wha—” And then Peridot is in front of her, kissing her.

When she pulls away, her eyes are half-lidded and compassionate. “Don't step away from me,” She whispers onto her lips. “I'm staying.”

She's staying. Of course she is. Peridot's staying.

Lapis grips her hands tightly together before nodding. “I love you.”

“And I love you.” Peridot smiles, buttoning up her hoodie. “Have a great day at work today, Lapis.”

Lapis takes a breath, watching her get dressed, watching her exist, and with a smile, she nods her head and says, “You too,” She giggles. “Baby.”

When Peridot leaves, Lapis takes a full moment to eye her surroundings. Fuck, her room's a mess. She and Peridot have basically been living off Uber Eats and take-out for the past week now, huddling up in her cosy little room with the blinds drawn and the TV on. They'd come back from work at the same time, exhausted and ready for bed, stripping each other off while making out like the hungry animals they are, but never going all the way because Lapis would always find some excuse not to. Because she's still hurt. Because everything still makes her feel like shit. And she loves Peridot and touching her body will always bring her this unquantifiable amount of joy but...

It's been hard.

Then they'd eat and sleep it away till noon, cuddling and kissing and hugging and loving until it's time for both Peridot and Lapis to go to work again. Peridot asked Thunk to take the morning and afternoon shift so that she can be there for Lapis. And Lapis is so grateful to her. So fucking grateful.

She makes her way to the blinds, opening them to let the sunlight stream in through rectangular gaps. She shields her eyes from the rays, cringing at the ferocity, before taking a deep, stabilizing breath. She can do this. It's only work. Another day, another breath, another step. Easy.

_But Jasper hasn't returned your calls yet._

_Or replied to your text messages._

_Or responded to your snail-mail._

_Hell, you haven't even heard from her in two weeks._

_She hates you._

Lapis buries her face in her hands and screams.

And then she feels slightly better, so she heads off to the bathroom to wash off.

That's basically her routine now. Just... screaming and hating and cursing and swearing. She can't believe she was stupid enough to make the mistake of letting Peridot's tattoo slip through her defenses. Of _course_ Jasper would figure it out. How the hell would Lapis know about Peridot's fucking tattoo unless she fucking _slept_ with her?!

But she was supposed to tell her anyways. This is her karma for not doing it sooner. She should've told her the day they got together. She should've—

How could she have known what she should've done? There was no way to gauge Jasper's reaction... That's just life. It's a series of unexpected, unpredictable things that happen whether you want it to or not. But that doesn't make any of those things any easier to swallow. And for Lapis, a girl who has been solely relying on her friends' support up until now, a girl who owes so much to Jasper for sticking by her through all those terrible months of heartbreak and depression... Well, let's just say it feels worse than having your entire toe chopped off. It feels like her heart's congested in her chest, bleeding from guilt and regret, and Lapis doesn't know how to deal with it.

She dresses in her usual attire—black top, dark jeans and her signature apron—before heading downstairs with her helmet and keys in one hand. She gets on her bike with a breath and zooms down the street in the direction of her bar. Usually, Lapis'd be the one to drop Peridot off, but Peridot has to go home today to pick up some things she left behind, so she took an Uber. It's horrible—this feeling of loneliness and yearning—she knows she shouldn't get too dependent on Peridot. That's unhealthy. That's scary.

But right now, with Steven being busy with the wedding and her other friends dealing with their own problems... Peridot's the only one she can lean on when the guilt starts eating her up inside. It used to be Jasper. Jasper used to be the one she'd turn to if Steven weren't around...

But now she hates her.

Lapis gasps, her vision going blurry for just a millisecond. All too suddenly, her life flashes before her eyes—everything moves in slow motion. One second she has her hands on the handles, the next her grip slips, and she's falling. The bus cuts in close, slamming against the front end of her motorcycle. She hits the ground hard. Her head smashes against the pavement, and then she hears the sound of tires screeching against the gravel, people screaming, crying. Her arms are by her sides, and she wants to get up, she wants to open her eyes, but something hurts. Where's her bike? Where'd the bus come from? Why can't she move?

What happened?

Something sticky drips down her head, brandishing her face. She can feel the side of it throb like a heartbeat, and for a moment, she wonders if this is the end. She takes a breath, her senses weaving in and out of consciousness, and with a final inhale, her brain shuts down, and darkness overtakes her.

* * *

 

Peridot gets the call at a quarter past 4.

She had just reached Cyber Marine, dressed in an oversized hoodie and ripped jeans, with her hair patted downwards in an attempt to tame it. She grabbed the doorknob, twisted it, took a step inside... And then they called. At first, it was just Steven. He sounded so frantic, panicked, even. Then Connie's voice rang through as well, then Ruby's, then everything else became an amalgamation of voices and Peridot couldn't make out what they were saying, only bits and pieces. But they all connected in her brain. Eventually, the puzzles fit together.

“Lapis got into an accident. She's in the emergency room, they're operating on her now—the medics say it was a serious blow to her head—we're all here, waiting for news—”

And the call goes on for another few minutes, but Peridot has tuned out. The only thing ringing in her head are the first five words. _Lapis got into an accident_ , over and over and over again.

Peridot drops her phone. She looks up, her eyes wide, cheeks pale, and Thunk immediately recognizes the look of horror written across her face, so he asks her what's wrong. She tries to explain it, but her tongue is numb, so she grabs her phone and says she has to go, dashing outside and running the rest of the way to the hospital. Halfway through, she calls an Uber, who arrives two minutes later to pick her up. She spends the entire car ride wringing her fingers together, forcing herself to calm down, forcing herself not to cry.

How could this happen?

She was just _with_ her this morning! Fuck, they had some stupid argument about moving in, and it wasn't even an argument. It was just a talk. And now Lapis is in the ER. And Peridot can't find a single reason not to be worried.

Fuck.

She bolts out of the car before it even stops, tearing through the doors and furniture and tripping her way to the receptionist desk, but somebody's already there waiting for her.

“Peridot!” Steven reaches forward to grab her arm.

Peridot whirls around, shocked, alarm dripping from her features. “Where is she?!” She forces out, choking. “Is she alright? What happened?!”

Steven shakes his head, his eyes red, his breathing uneven. “I don't—I don't know. She was on her motorcycle—She collided with a bus—She was bleeding, there was no time.” He bites his lip, forcing himself not to cry. The very sight almost makes Peridot break down right then and there. “Somebody called an ambulance and they brought her here, and the hospital called her mom, who called me, and I told everyone else. The only thing I know is that she—she lost a lot of blood. She might—She might have a concussion and—” Steven presses his palm against his mouth, muffling his sobs.

That's all it takes.

Peridot starts crying.

“C'mon,” Steven whispers, taking Peridot by the shoulders. “I'll take you up.”

Never before has an elevator ride been so sad.

They spend hours waiting outside, watching the seconds tick by on the clock above. Steven and Connie are there, along with Sapphire and Ruby. Amethyst and Pearl are flying in today. They spent the week in Chicago with Amethyst's family. The only person who isn't here—the only person who doesn't even wanna be here—is Jasper. Peridot tries calling her, but she's not even picking up Ruby's calls, so why would she pick up Peridot's? Her attempts turn out futile, so she occupies herself by counting down the seconds on the clock.

Tick. Tick. Tick.

It's like waiting for a bomb to detonate.

Peridot doesn't know which is worse: The waiting, or the not knowing.

Finally, after what feels like hours, the doors part to make way for the doctor. Peridot immediately jumps out of her seat. “Doc?”

The rest follow suit, pooling in behind her.

The doctor sighs, his gloved hands bloody by his sides. He takes a moment to collect his bearings, but once he does, he nods his head once—a reassuring sight—before saying, “The patient has stabilized...”

* * *

 

Everything feels smaller when you're underneath.

When you're submerged in darkness, when you're unconscious, when you're drowning. It's like everything that you've done up until that point means nothing. Only this. This suffocating feeling that's sucking the very life out of your bones. That's what you focus on. In a way, it's a horrendously good feeling, because the guilt no longer exists, the guilt no longer plagues your every waking thought. You're not a bad person anymore. You're just a drowning person, dying.

Everything feels smaller... when you're at the cusp of death.

Lapis stares out the window, watching the cars zoom by below in horizontal streaks. She's high up there, so they look like little black ants when they move, shuffling about in a straight, coordinated line. Lapis almost laughs, but she knows if she does, her head's gonna start throbbing again and she doesn't wanna deal with that right now. Hospital food is already shitty enough.

The door opens not a moment later, and Lapis whirls around, expectant.

The second she sees the vague outline of a green hoodie and worn-out sneakers, she opens her mouth and screams, “Stranger!”

Peridot jumps, her pale face red with fright, so Lapis retracts. “Oh shit, sorry. I didn't mean to scare you.”

But Peridot isn't frightened or scared or angry or upset, her expression breaks into one of utmost relief. She races up to her, sobbing—Oh fuck, Lapis can't handle it. She spreads her arms wide and hugs her, holding her close, holding her tight. “Peri—”

“Thank _God_ you're okay, thank _God_ , thank _God!”_ Peridot cries, tugging on her loose hospital gown. “I thought—I was so afraid—we were all just—”

“Hey,” Lapis whispers, stroking the back of her head. “Hey, it's okay. I'm okay.”

Peridot pulls away, appalled. “Okay?! Lapis, you got into a fucking _motorcycle_ accident! Do you know how many fucking people _die_ in fucking _motorcycle_ accidents?!”

Lapis looks up, scanning their surroundings. Fortunately, she's in a private room. _Un_ fortunately, Peridot left the door open. A few passing nurses shoot a glare their way before one finally reaches over to shut the door. Lapis takes a breath before pressing her palm against's Peridot's wet cheek. “My dear, sweet Peridot—”

“Shut up.” Peridot sobs, reaching up to wipe the snot from her face. “You fucking scared me. I was—I was _so_ scared.”

Lapis's heart breaks at the sight. She's never seen the little girl so vulnerable before. Usually she's so composed. So... wise. Strong. But right now, sobbing, weeping, fearful of everything—There is nothing more Lapis wants to do than to cradle her in her arms until she feels better. She reaches out to grab her face, pulling her in close and kissing her lightly on the forehead. “I'm here, stranger.” She whispers.

Peridot shuts her eyes, shaking. “I was so scared.”

“I know.”

“I'm so glad you're okay.”

“I know.”

“I love you, Lapis,” She says, her voice strained and croaky and heartbreaking. “I love you so much.”

Lapis grits her teeth. Everything inside of her is breaking. “Peridot,” She laughs. “I have enough physical scars as it is, don't tear my emotions to pieces too.”

Peridot pulls away, alarmed. “I'm sorry! I forgot you were—” She hesitates, before slowly drawing away. “Did I... hurt you?”

Lapis waves the thought away. “Nah, but you did break my heart crying like that. And that hurts more than any of this—” She gestures to her bandaged body. “—will ever hurt.”

Peridot's gaze softens, and she reaches forward to touch her cheek gently. “You're—You're standing,” She observes, confused. “I thought you weren't supposed to be—”

“Oh, one of my knees definitely feel more than a little wonky.” Lapis stretches it out and winces, as if to emphasize her point, before gesturing to her chest. “And my upper torso is like, covered in all these bruises and scars and shit, Doc even said I had to have three stitches on my lower back alone,” She laughs falsely, awkwardly, before saying, “But I... I wanted to be up when you arrived, so that you wouldn't—” She gulps. “You wouldn't worry so much...”

Peridot growls. “You idiot.”

“Hey! I was just—”

“Get back in bed!” Peridot orders, pointing a rigid finger at the elevated mattress next to them. “Now!”

Lapis knows she should be intimidated, but she can't help but laugh. “Woah, mom, simmer down!”

“Lapis, I mean it!”

Lapis laughs even more, but she stops herself because _fuck_ , it hurts! “Okay, okay!” She raises her hands in compliance. “I'm going! See?!” She trips her way to the bed, limping, struggling, before pushing herself on top and tucking herself in.

Peridot rounds the bed until she's beside her, hand slowly grazing the skin atop Lapis's arm. She leans in to kiss her softly on the forehead despite the bandage wrapped around it. “That's better,” She muses.

Lapis chuckles slightly. “You know, I was pretty lucky with this. Doc says I avoided seventy percent of the damage by swerving right. If I had collided head-first,” She makes a crude gesture. “There goes my brains.”

Peridot's face darkens intensely, so much so that Lapis immediately regrets saying that.

“I—I mean,” Lapis gulps. “Forget I said that.”

“You don't get to go _what if,_ Lapis, especially if it's concerning your fucking life.” Peridot hesitates, her grip on the blanket faltering, tightening, before she pulls away. “I don't know what I would do if...”

“Hey, hey,” Lapis reaches out to grab her hands. “I'm—I'm sorry. I didn't mean to—” She cringes, before sighing. “I was just trying to... I don't know. I'm lucky. I'm grateful. I wasn't as badly hurt as a lot of people had anticipated and that's a good thing. I wanted—I wanted to convey that somehow.” She laughs awkwardly. “Guess stupid, gawky Lapis struck again, huh?”

Peridot scoffs amusedly and shakes her head. “You're adorable.”

Lapis smiles. “I take after my girlfriend.”

Girlfriend. The word still tastes sweet in her mouth...

They spend a few seconds holding onto each other, hands wrapped tightly together, gazes locked, breathing in sync, before Peridot finally pulls away and takes a breath. “What happened, Lapis?”

Lapis looks down, her vision faltering. “I was—” She shrugs. “I got distracted. The bus came out of nowhere... I couldn't—I don't know. It was a rookie mistake. I should've looked up, but I was just so... out of it.”

“Why?” Peridot whispers.

Even though a part of her already knows the answer.

Lapis breathes out a shallow sigh, before sheepishly looking away. Her eyes remain focused on the door, even though her hands are cupped around Peridot's in a loving hold, and slowly, she brings her gaze back to meet Peridot's. “She didn't come, huh?”

Peridot winces. Visibly. “She was—”

“I didn't expect her to.” Lapis sighs. “I really didn't. I knew she wouldn't. But I was—I don't know—hopeful. I had hope that maybe she would... at least _care_ to know if I lived or died.”

“Don't say that, Lapis.”

“Why not?” Lapis laughs spitefully, before solemnly turning away. “Sorry, I just—”

“She loves you, Lapis.” Peridot says, her voice serious. “She doesn't know how to show it, especially now that you're in this situation. She's scared, and she's angry, and she lashes out. She _is currently_ lashing out. Please, just,” She grits her teeth, desperate. “Please don't think that she doesn't care if you _lived_ or _died_ , Lapis.”

Lapis's eyes flash. “Peridot, she's not here!” She winces at her own ferocity, because the sudden strain on her throat causes her entire body to react negatively. She retracts, taking a few deep breaths, before saying, “She's not _here_. She didn't even visit me.” Laughing, she leans back against the headboard and shuts her eyes. “If my death isn't even enough to make her forgive me...

Then I don't know what is.”

Peridot stares at her form, eyes wide with shock, hands clenched at her sides. She doesn't know what to say. What _can_ she say? Lapis is, ultimately, right. And Peridot doesn't know what words she can utilize to make this situation any better. But sometimes, bad situations don't need words. They just need comfort. Love. Understanding. Peridot takes a step forward and leans in, placing a gentle kiss atop the bandage taping Lapis's forehead. “I love you, Lapis.” She whispers, squeezing her hand. “I'll come back tonight, okay?”

“Where're you going?” Lapis asks, her voice barely above a whisper.

Peridot draws away slowly, bidding herself to resist the urge to stay. “I'm gonna make things right,” She says. “I promise you, I will.”

* * *

 

Peridot knocks on her door three times and waits.

If all else fails, go to her in person. She doesn't know why Lapis never tried actually reaching out to her. Then again, with the kind of guilt she has to deal with every day, it wouldn't be a surprise if she actually was just too afraid of facing her again. Peridot would be too, if she was in her situation. She stands with her arms crossed and her hip out.

When the door swings open a few minutes later, she makes it a point to look as intimidating as she possibly can.

“Jasper.”

The tall, broad-shouldered beauty blinks, before pulling away in confusion. “Peridot?”

Peridot has never been known to dally around awkwardly in a conversation. She cuts straight to the point. “Lapis is in the _hospital_ , Jasper.”

Jasper just looks so startled, she can't even respond. She works her jaw but no words seem to be able to make it through her mouth. “U-Um,” She looks around cautiously, uncertainly, before pinning her gaze on Peridot. “Is she—Is she alright?”

Peridot sighs, pinching her temples with her forefinger and thumb. “So you do know.”

“I... received the messages.”

“And you didn't even wanna visit her?”

Jasper hesitates, retracting her stance, but Peridot doesn't give her a moment to breathe because she immediately takes a step inside her apartment as if she owned the damn place. “Jasper, I know you're hurt. I know what Lapis and I did was wrong but—”

“So you supported it?” Jasper echoes disbelievingly. “Keeping your relationship from me?”

Peridot shakes her head. “We didn't plan for it to turn out this way, Jasper.”

“You two have been going out for more than a week, that much I'm _sure_ of, but still you kept the entire thing from me just because—because _what_?”

Peridot's face lights up in anger. “What do you mean _because what_?!” She laughs. “Jasper, you were _constantly_ telling Lapis that you loved me, that you could never get over me, that you wanted me, that you couldn't bear it if someone from your group started _dating_ me. How do you think that affected her mentality about this whole situation?!”

“I don't know!” Jasper snaps. “I never considered this whole situation a fucking possibility! I mean—” She hesitates, taking a step back. “ _You_ and _Lapis?!_ I didn't even fucking know you two knew each other!”

“ _That's_ the thing, Jasper.” Peridot sighs, looking away. “Lapis tried _so_ hard to forget about what happened between us. We met one night by chance, and we had no idea that the other knew who you were and what was happening. We just... fell into it. And when she found out, she immediately broke it off with me.” She shakes her head sadly, her voice dripping with sorrow at the memory. “You have _no_ idea how hard it was for us to act like we were just friends, Jasper. She gave up so much for you. She wanted _you_ to be happy with _me_ , so she distanced herself from me, she stayed away from me, she pissed me off just so that _I_ would stay away from her but it didn't—it didn't _work_ because I _love_ her, Jasper.”

Jasper's face breaks into a million shattered pieces, and for one lone moment, Peridot almost regrets doing this entirely.

But then she remembers Lapis.

Lapis, who's lying on a hospital bed.

Lapis, who could've fucking _died_ today because of the guilt eating her up inside.

Lapis... Who she _loves_.

With every retarded fiber of her being.

“She crashed today because the guilt completely distracted her from the road.” Peridot says solemnly, clenching her hands by her sides. “She felt horrible about what she did. And she keeps wanting to make it better for you, but you're not even giving her a chance.”

Jasper looks away, torn at the possibilities, conflicted by her own emotions. “Peridot, I—” She grits her teeth. “I loved _you_.”

Peridot's gaze wavers. She looks at her feet before taking a short breath. “Jasper, I'm... I'm sorry.” She sighs. “I'm sorry because I don't feel the same way. I'm sorry because I feel that way for Lapis. I'm sorry about how things turned out. It's—It's not ideal. But nothing ever is. I _know_ you're hurting, Jasper, I _know_ what you're feeling, but Lapis is finally happy. _I'm_ happy too! If you ever really loved me, if you ever really loved _her_ as a best friend...” She looks up at her, her voice tiny and genuine and gut-wrenching all at the same time. “You would _stop_ this. You would be her _friend_ again. She got into an accident today, Jasper. She is in the hospital _right_ now because of it. You're—You're _so_ much better than this. I've seen that better side of you. And if you are really who I thought you were, you'd _see_ that she's _sorry_. And she needs you, Jasper,” Peridot hesitates. “Just as much as _you_ need _her._ ”

By the time she stops talking, Jasper's blinking back tears, her hand wrapped around her mouth to keep the words from overflowing out of her mouth. She shakes her head, pale, frightened, conflicted—until Peridot takes a step forward and throws her arms around her neck. She tightens her grip, keeping her together.

“I'm sorry, Jasper.” She whispers.

“Fuck,” Jasper hisses, eyes shut tightly together. “ _Fuck_.”

Peridot keeps her arms around her—helping her, supporting her, forgiving her—for at least two minutes, until she lets go, and takes a tentative step backwards. She goes back out the way she came in, throwing Jasper one last look from over her shoulder, before shutting the door behind her.

* * *

 

“I hate spinach!”

“It's _good_ for you, Lapis.”

But the blue-haired bartender can only roll her light blue eyes in disgust. “Why do the healthy things always have to taste like boogers?”

Steven frowns. “That's not true! Broccoli tastes awesome!”

“You're not human.”

“And you're a rock,” Steven deadpans, shoving the spoon closer to her lips. “Now eat.”

Lapis grins. “You're like my servant. You should be nicer to me.”

“Excuse me?! You wanna say that agai—”

A knock on the front door interrupts him, putting their little back-and-forth banter on pause. Steven looks over his shoulder, startled, before lowering the spoon down onto the tray. “Are you expecting company?”

Lapis nods. “It could be either Mom and Peri. Mom says she's visiting tonight after she gets back from Cali, and Peri said she was gonna be back to keep me company.”

Steven nods, getting up and dusting his pants off. With a slight shuffle, he makes his way to the door and grabs at the doorknob. There's a wall separating it from Lapis's sight, so when Steven pulls the door open, she can't see who's on the other side. She cranes her neck but to no avail. For one small moment though, she can swear she hears Steven gasp.

“Steven?” She calls out. “Who is it?”

Silence.

Steven stutters, “U-Um, it's—“

But there's no need for an introduction, because as soon as the figure takes a step away from the blinding wall and into open eyesight, it's obvious that there need be no more words other than _Holy. Shit._

“Jasper.” Lapis exclaims, her heart skipping a beat. She can hardly believe it. “You're—You're here.”

Jasper fiddles with her thumbs, uncertain. She turns to throw Steven a look, and though Lapis can't quite make out what it is, Steven immediately recognizes it. He nods—once—before quickly shuffling out the room, closing the door behind him. Jasper turns to face Lapis once again.

It's silent between them for a long, long time.

“How're you?” Jasper finally whispers, her voice croaky and strange, as if she had just spent the last few hours crying and screaming.

Lapis bites her lip. “I'm—” She swallows. “—good. Doing... Doing better.”

Jasper nods, before quietly chuckling. “You were always hard-skinned. A crazy, fucking warrior.” She shakes her head. “You could survive a fucking place crash and walk away unscathed.”

“That's—That's not true, Jasper,” Lapis blushes awkwardly, wringing her fingers together. “I was just lucky.”

“Right.” Jasper breathes out a shallow sigh of relief.

The room is silent again.

But through those dense moments of awkwardness, one thought—one singular, momentous, painfully poignant thought—never seems to leave Lapis's thick skull: “You actually came.” She whispers, her voice practically inaudible had it not been as quiet as it was.

Jasper blinks, her brows pulled together in an unreadable expression. She turns away, taking a breath, before nodding. “Yeah.” She crosses her arms over her chest. “It—It took a little pushing...” She fixes her gaze on the little stain marking the bottom of the wall to her left. She takes a breath, holds it.

Lapis can feel the seconds stretch on like an invisible string pulling them further apart.

“Do you love her?”

Lapis blinks, looking up. “What?”

“Do you love Peridot?” Jasper echoes.

Lapis doesn't know what to say. She's been denying her the truth all this while, it's time she start rectifying that. Jasper deserves that much. She works her jaw for a moment, her gaze drilled onto the floor, before she manages a weak, “Yes.”

Jasper takes another breath. “You should've told me.”

“Jasper, I'm—” Lapis bites her lip. “I'm so sorry. You have to know I'm _so_ sorry.”

Jasper doesn't look at her. “I know.”

“No, no, you don't. You don't know that—” Lapis laughs dryly. “If it could've gone any other way, I would've—I would've done it. I would've done _anything_. You're my _best_ friend, Jasper—”

“Lapis, I know.”

But Lapis keeps on, because Jasper still isn't looking at her. “ _No._ Jasper, _please_. I _never_ wanted to hurt you. I tried so hard to—”

Jasper grits her teeth.

“—ignore whatever _this_ is. I tried so hard to push it away, to avoid it. But everything was just _so_ fucking messed up—”

Jasper shuts her eyes.

“—and Peridot—Peridot came into my life and suddenly everything made sense and _fuck_ , I'm _so_ sorry, Jasper. I should've told you—I should've—”

“Lapis!” Jasper snaps her eyes open and turns around, but whatever she had planned to say before completely evaporates in the confinements of her thoughts, because as soon as her gaze lands on Lapis weeping, Lapis crying, Lapis with her hands pressed against her mouth in an attempt to muffle her terrible sobs, her heart shatters into a million different pieces, until all that's left is the part of her who remembers every single good thing Lapis has done for her so far—like stick through her when she and Ruby were constantly on the outs, like give her free drinks and keep her company even when the bar was at a bad stage of its career, like _push herself away from the only woman who made her feel alive since her break-up with Pearl_... _just_ for Jasper.

Jasper knows the situation isn't ideal. She knows it's gonna take her a _long_ time to get over this. She knows she will never fully, completely accept Lapis and Peridot's sudden relationship—

But...

How can she lose her best friend over this?

How can she continue to be angry at her when she nearly _died_ today because of it?

Jasper takes a tentative step forward, uncertain, unsure, but the second she does, she fails to find a reason to not continue going forward, so she does. She continues walking until she reaches Lapis's side. She's never seen Lapis cry like this before. A week after the break-up, after trying _so_ hard to keep this tough, strong facade of being over it, Lapis broke down in the middle of work, planting herself behind the bar with her hands pressed against her mouth to keep her cries from being heard by her customers. Jasper and Steven had to help her out into the back, where she cried and cried and cried for hours. That's the first and last time Jasper ever saw her sob like that.

Lapis would tear up a few times again after, but it was never as bad. She kept a strong mask. She wanted it. She needed it.

Jasper never thought that Lapis would cry like that again.

Not for anyone else.

Not for _her._

Lapis loves Jasper just as much as she had loved Pearl. Not in the same way, but with the same intensity. And fuck—This kind of friendship isn't easy to find, okay? It's not gonna be easy to accept this. It's never going to be easy. Break-ups suck. And watching the woman you love fall in love with your best friend is even worse.

But Jasper doesn't think she has the heart to hate her because of it. What else can she do? Jasper loves Lapis too.

She reaches out and wraps her strong arms around her shoulders, pulling her in. Lapis presses her wet face against her chest, sobbing and weeping and crying _just_ like that night at the bar a few weeks after Pearl broke her heart. Jasper holds onto her, trying to stop herself from crying as well, but her emotional state is so wrecked—everything's a mess. She cries too. And they hold onto each other, sobbing, as if letting go would cause them both to unravel and spiral out of control.

It's not gonna be easy.

But Jasper thinks—maybe, just maybe—she can live with this.

“Jasper—” Lapis's voice is shaky and soft. “I'm _so_ sorry.”

Jasper knows she means it, but she can't find the strength to say so, so she nods instead, before burying her face in Lapis's hair. After a moment, she manages to find her voice, but when she speaks, it sounds unfamiliar to her ears. Raw and vulnerable and guilty. “I'm so glad you're alright, Lapis.”

Lapis laughs. A dry sound. “I wasn't,” She says weakly. “But I am now.”

Jasper tightens her hold, and Lapis instinctively yelps out in pain. Jasper immediately lets go. “Oh my God, I'm—I'm so sorry!”

“It's okay!” Lapis laughs stupidly. “Your muscles feel good on my bruises.”

Jasper gapes at her like a fish. “Okay. You're fucking weird.”

“Thank you!” Lapis presses the heels of her palms against her eyes, laughing. “Jasper,” She gasps. “You have no idea how happy I am that you're talking to me again.”

It's not gonna be easy.

But Jasper can't help it.

Lapis is her best friend.

And Jasper loves her too.

“Fucking idiot.” She murmurs, a grin enveloping her face as she reaches out to ruffle her messy blue hair. “I'm—I'm _so_ glad you're _okay_.”

Sometimes you have to make a few sacrifices. Life isn't easy. But it was never meant to be easy. It'll take some time...

But Jasper's willing to do it.

* * *

 

One week later, Jasper still isn't completely comfortable with it.

She stares at her reflection in her locker mirror, her hands dusted, wrapped, bruised knuckles protected, sweat dripping down her neck and bare back, covering her body in adrenaline, in anticipation. She takes a breath and shuts her eyes. How long has she been waiting for this day? Jesus, months now. But there was always a reason to postpone it, to stop it—Jasper hadn't realize why until now. Ruby was _afraid_. Ruby was scared that she'd lose, because she was intimidated, because she respected Jasper so much that she wanted those extra few weeks to train. Going out with Sapphire was just a cover-up for the real truth—the truth that Ruby _wanted_ to give Jasper a good fight, so that they'd both be happy.

It's so stupid how things can be so easily misunderstood when you don't tell the truth.

Jasper stares at herself one last time in the mirror, amber eyes burning with glory, before taking a step back to marvel at her own body. She enjoys primping, she admits it. But today there's a special reason. Today she's fighting her best friend. And she wants to do her best. She reaches out to shut the locker close before making her way out.

This is it.

She rubs her hands together three times for good luck, and then, with a grin, she emerges from the curtains that hide her away, bursting through a crowd of cheering fans and supporting friends screaming her name, urging her onwards. God, her body's _buzzing_ right now. If she could feel like this all the time... The lights and the screams and the energy and the music—this is everything she has ever wanted.

Lapis watches her step up to the stage, egging the crowd on with wild gestures and her charming, wide smile. She laughs when Jasper does an impressive somersault backwards and the entire crowd erupts in cheers. Peridot nudges her from her side.

“She is a _definite_ crowd-pleaser.”

Lapis turns to her, grinning. “ _Right,_ you've _never_ seen her perform, have you?”

Peridot shakes her head. “We didn't date long enough for me to come watch one of her matches.”

“Well, you're gonna fucking _love_ it. Her stage-presence is _amazing_.”

Sapphire pokes her head in between them. “Sorry to interrupt,” She says sweetly. “But Ruby is equally as great at inciting a crowd—if not better.”

Lapis flushes. “Oh! Of course, Sapphire! I have no doubt.”

And even though Sapphire's smiling like a sweet angel who could never do anything even remotely bad, there's some sick, creepy aura going in within her eyes. She pulls away, giggling, as the lights dim to make room for Jasper's competition, Jasper's _match—_

“ _Ruby!”_ Sapphire screams.

The dark-skinned, square-haired boxer steps up into the ring sporting a tight sleeve-T and dark shorts. She jumps up and down in a horizontal stretch, pumping her fists up in the air as the crowd goes berserk over their two favorite boxers.

“This is nuts!” Peridot cries, looking around. “I mean, I've seen matches on TV but to witness it _live_. Holy _shit_!”

Lapis nods enthusiastically. “The atmosphere is _sick_. It's amazing!”

“Where're Steven and the others?” Peridot asks.

Lapis points to the other side of the room. “They got seats on the other side! Jasper and Ruby couldn't find a whole row for us so we had to separate.” She shrugs. “Still alright though. We're meeting up this weekend for Pearl's ballet performance anyways.”

Peridot's face brightens with a smile, and she reaches out to lace her fingers with Lapis's. “Sounds perfect.”

Lapis grins, rubbing her thumb over Peridot's palm. “It is perfect.”

Peridot giggles, but before she can lean in to kiss her, the music takes a dramatic turn up, and suddenly the entire stadium's pumping with energy, more so than it did before. Lapis gasps, pointing. “It's starting!” She shrieks excitedly, making Peridot and Sapphire laugh.

Jasper and Ruby round each other in the ring, fists drawn up to their faces, body taut, eyes focused. They're both staring at each other, and though the atmosphere is heated, though they're serious—there's a playfulness to it too. Lapis can just barely catch the hint of a grin tugging at each end of their mouths. The bell dings—Jasper takes a step forward and makes the first jab, but Ruby deflects it and goes for one of her own.

Back-and-forth they punch, back-and-forth they jab, Ruby lands a solid hit against the left side of Jasper's head. The entire stadium gasps out in surprise, but Jasper recovers quickly. She always recovers quickly. Straightening, she steadies herself on her feet, before taking a slow circle and going in again. Jab, jab, uppercut, hook, jab, uppercut—It continues for three minutes, but it only feels like seconds to the people watching. Everything is so calculated, yet so reckless, so perfectly planned—it's like a dance of their own. Lapis is in love with the very action, and so is Peridot, because she doesn't once tear her gaze away.

But her fingers remain intertwined with Lapis's throughout. Once in a while, when things would get tense, or when one of them would land a good punch against the other, Peridot would squeeze Lapis's hand in surprise, and Lapis would laugh.

By the eleventh round, the match cuts in unpredictably close. Ruby and Jasper are tied, their faces bloody, hands bruised, arms weak in front of them, sweat dripping down their skin. Ruby laughs wildly before taking a step forward and landing a swift hook against Jasper's left side. Jasper falls, wheezing out, but she doesn't fall completely. She remains on her knee, her breathing ragged. Ruby takes a step back, and she's just about to make the finishing blow, when Jasper immediately pushes herself onto her feet and backs up. Ruby misses, and Jasper takes that moment to engage.

The entire stadium watches with bated breath, despite the fact that everyone's screaming and crying and pumping their fists in the air—there is so much anticipation, so much suspense. It's like the crowd is boxing with them, sweating with them, bleeding with them. Lapis holds her breath, watching, praying—and then it happens. The final bell rings. It's over.

Jasper wins.

Lapis pushes herself off her seat, screaming. “Jasper!” She yells, her shrieks drowned in the sea of cheering voices. Peridot stands too, screaming out her name in the same fashion. Even Sapphire, who was rooting for Ruby throughout the entire match, mimics their action and cheers for her friend.

Jasper stands at the center of the ring, grinning. She approaches Ruby, who's bent down against the ground breathing heavily, hand outstretched to keep her upright and steady. When she appears, Ruby looks up, eyes wide, lips spread out in a grin. She accepts her offered hand and pulls herself up. And then the two hug. Jasper laughs.

“Fuck, you really gave me a good fight.”

“Good!” Ruby exclaims, shutting her one bruised eye. “That's all I've ever wanted!”

Jasper laughs again, tightening her hold. Their damp bodies press together in the wet heat, and despite the sweat sticking to their skin, Jasper can't help but fall completely in love with this moment, with this feeling. This is the best fight she and Ruby have ever had in the history of their matches. When they pull away, Jasper's eyes flicker across Ruby's swollen eye and bleeding head, and Ruby's graze across Jasper's bruised jaw and bleeding lip. They look like shit.

But they feel amazing.

Jasper sweeps her gaze across the crowd—

—until her eyes land on Peridot and Lapis.

They're holding hands.

And look at them. So happy. So perfect.

Jasper sucks in a breath and forces a smile, waving.

One week later, and Jasper still isn't completely comfortable with it—

But that's okay. Because she has a whole lifetime to get comfortable with it. She has boxing, and she has Ruby, and she has Lapis, and she has Peridot—and she has everything and everyone. Life sucks, and break-ups suck, and sometimes, yeah, love _sucks—_ but that won't keep her from doing the best she can with what she was given. She'll support them. She'll love them for who they are individually, and for who they are together. It's not gonna be easy—

But Jasper's willing to do it.

* * *

 

Jasper can still feel her lip throbbing when she exits the stadium and makes her way down the street towards her bike. She reaches up to touch it, then immediately pulls away when it erupts in pain.

“Ow!” She shouts to herself.

Gotta admit though, the fact that she got hurt tonight, the fact that she _worked_ tonight—that feeling can't be replaced. Even if she had lost, even if Ruby had emerged victorious, she would've been _glad_. Because Ruby put up such a good fight. And Jasper will always remember this match. She will always treasure it.

She shuts her eyes, smiling.

Tonight, she's gonna go home, fill the tub with hot water, and completely soak herself in the aroma of lavender and a sea of floating bubbles. Her cuts and bruises are gonna sting like a _bitch_ but once they numb up, everything'll work out! It just makes _sense_ , you know? She continues walking, humming, breathing in the scent of life, of the night, with nothing but darkness to look at, to enjoy.

And then she bumps straight into some random pedestrian and sends them both sprawled against the gravel sidewalk in a heap of limbs and muffled cries.

“Oh my God!” Jasper pulls herself up, wincing at the throbbing bruises that erupt all over her body. “I'm—I'm _so_ sorry! Are you okay?!”

The girl raises her head, groaning. She has a hand pressed against her forehead and another pushing herself up by the elbow. With a chuckle, she shakes her head. “Nothing like a good collision to wake you up from a dead-ass day at work.”

Jasper colors, her hands raised in front of her. “I—uh,” She extends a hand. “Here.”

The girl looks up, brows furrowed. For a moment, she looks almost confused at the sudden offer. But then her eyes widen in realization. “Oh!” She laughs awkwardly. “Sorry, I didn't realize—” Blushing, she grabs the outstretched hand and pulls herself up. “S-Sorry, like I said, dead-ass day at work.”

Jasper grins, scratching the back of her neck. “I can relate. Though, not today.” She chuckles cheekily. “Today was a good day.”

“Was it?” The girl muses. “You look like you just got out of a fight or something.”

Jasper nods. “I'm a boxer. It happens.”

Her eyes widen in shock. “Are you—Are you serious?!” She gasps. “Oh my God, that's _so_ cool!”

Oh man, this girl is adorable. Jasper wants to wrap her up in a blanket and take her home. She's so short too! Look at her! And she has that cute short, bob look going on. Jasper tilts her head, amused. “Um, I'm Jasper.” She laughs, extending her hand again. “Sorry, I just thought—I thought I should introduce myself. Since I basically ran straight into you and nearly crushed you to death.”

The girl giggles, before reaching out to grab the offered hand. “It's no problem. I'm pretty much used to all the collisions.” She smiles cheekily. “I was with the 2nd Battalion 6th Marines back in Iraq. There were a lot of... unpleasant things going on back then. Trust me, a collision in the middle of the street is practically nothing.”

Jasper gapes, her eyebrows shooting upwards in surprise. “You're—You're a marine?” She pulls her hand away instinctively, before shoving them awkwardly in her pockets. “Sorry, I'm just—Wow. That must've been tough.”

The girl shrugs. “I... I try not to think about it that much. I mean, I made it out alive, right?”

“Yeah,” Jasper chuckles awkwardly. “That's amazing though.”

“Nah,” The girl waves a hand in front of her face. “It's not like I won a medal or anything. I'm just an ordinary soldier.”

“No soldier is just ordinary, ma'am.” Jasper says. “You risk your life for our country. That's—That's not ordinary. You're a hero.”

The girl stares at her for a moment, her lips pursed in a cute, endearing way, before she forces her gaze on the ground, blushing. “T-Thank you.”

Jasper feels her heart do flips. “I, uh, I still haven't gotten your name.”

The girl looks up. “Oh!” She giggles. “Sorry. I'm Ruby.”

Jasper furrows her brows. “Ruby?”

The girl smiles questioningly. “Y-Yeah. Why?”

Oh boy.

“Oh, it's just—” Jasper laughs. “My best friend's name is Ruby.”

“Really?! That's so cool!”

_Aaaand a little weird._

“Oh, but, I mean, if you feel weird calling me by that name, since you already know someone with that name,” The girl shrugs, grinning. “My friends like to call me Eyeball.”

“Eyeball?” Jasper echoes, before she quickly adds, “I—I mean, it's cute! I mean—It's... It's a unique name, I just—” She flushes. “Oh shit, I'm sorry.”

The girl laughs. “Don't worry, I get it all the time. Look, I poke my eyeball with a pencil like, three times a day so my friends just kind of picked up the nickname to make fun of me.”

Jasper blushes. Oh gee, that's too cute. “I—I wouldn't wanna call you something that your friends use to make fun of you.”

“What?!” Eyeball chuckles, waving the thought away. “Don't worry about it! I seriously cannot think of a cuter nickname. Besides, it's not like a taunt or anything. It's—It's a playful tease.” She winks.

Jasper blinks. And then she smiles. Because she agrees whole-heartedly. Eyeball is the weirdest thing you can call someone. But this girl is so cute, and so friendly, and so happy, that it practically... fits. Jasper swallows, before rubbing the back of her neck nervously. “Uh, I'm sorry again for—” She gestures to them. “—totally running into you—literally—but I'd—I'd really love to make it up to you.”

Eyeball blushes. “Oh!” She fiddles with her thumbs, shying away. “Is this where you get my number and ask me out on a date? Because I, um, I'm really oblivious to these kinds of things and—” She pauses, flushing. “Oh—Crap, I mean—Please... Please pretend... I did not... say that...” She trails off, her face mirroring the color of a tomato.

Jasper stares at her for a moment, before breaking out in a laugh. “Jesus, you're so cute.”

Eyeball blushes even more.

“I would love to have your number and take you out on a date, Eyeball.”

“O-Oh! Really?!” Eyeball giggles, before shuffling between her feet. “That's—That's great, Jasper.”

Jasper grins, handing her her phone. “It would be my pleasure.”

Eyeball programs her number into the phone, and the two part ways with a wave and flirtatious smiles. Jasper's steps get lighter and her heart gets larger with each passing second. She smiles to herself, skipping the rest of the way to her bike.

It was never supposed to be easy. Life sucks, break-ups suck, and yeah, occasionally, love _sucks—_ but eventually, when you least expect it, when you learn to let go, when you _finally_ accept it...

Things start looking up.

And happiness finds its way back into your heart.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so, I recently had a break-up. And this past two weeks have been incredibly rough because it's been less than a month and my ex has already gotten a new boyfriend whom she flaunts around in front of me, whom she posts pictures of, who's hoodie she wears everyday at school- And it's tough. 
> 
> It's seriously fucking tough. 
> 
> I sympathize with Jasper so much. I mean, obviously, it's not the same. But I get it. This chapter was such a reflective chapter for me. I mean, I've only started "accepting" the fact that my gf has someone new today, I've only started really moving on today, and it's definitely not easy, and it's definitely not immediate, and I will definitely always be uncomfortable with it... But it happens. And I get it. And if her being with this guy helps her cope, if it makes her feel better, if she's HAPPY, then who am I to stand in her way? 
> 
> OOooooOOOooooOOOOooo deep. 
> 
>  
> 
> OKAY I HOPE YOU GUYS ENJOYED THIS  
> NEXT CHAPTER WILL BE UP NEXT SUNDAY ;) <3
> 
>  
> 
> (Also, if anyone uses snapchat, hit me up at KyeTamm, I sometimes post updates like "FUCK I CAN'T FINISH THIS CHAPTER" and random shit like that so just in case y'all wanna get up close and personal with the author ;) YO JOKES. but seriously. hit me up. bye.)


	15. Humor and Flexibility

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear to fucking God, the universe does not want me to post this damn chapter. BUT HERE IT IS. I HAVE OVERCOME YOU, UNIVERSE.

Lapis likes two things in a woman.

Humor.

And flexibility.

Not the physical kind. She doesn't much care for how far your body can be bent forwards in an attempt to touch your toes (though that does make for a great time in bed). What she's looking for—what she seeks—is something deeper. Flexibility of the mind. Of thoughts. Feelings. Interests.

If a girl can rock both a suit and a dress, then fuck, she is _the one_.

Lapis takes a tentative step back, working her jaw. “W-Well,” She splutters. “When you said you had a surprise for me, I didn't expect... _this_.”

Peridot smiles shyly. “That's a... _good_ thing, I'm assuming?”

“Uh—” Lapis laughs, before reaching up to scratch her burning red left cheek.

Lapis likes two things in a woman—

And by God, if Peridot isn't both, then nobody is.

The shorter girl takes a step forward, drawing one slim leg from below the hem of her black dress across the other, slithering forward like a snake ready to capture its prey. She grins, and it is literally sexiest thing Lapis has ever seen— Jesus Christ. She wouldn't be able to tear her gaze away even if she was forced to. “You like?” Peridot purrs.

Lapis laughs weakly, before shaking her head. “What do I _not_ like?” She pauses, before adding, “Maybe the fact that I can't rip it off of you right here and now?”

Peridot laughs. “I'd rather you not. This was _pretty_ expensive to rent.”

“You rented it?!” Lapis flushes. “Peridot, you could've just told me! I have a million dresses that—”

“I'm kidding, Lapis!” Peridot giggles, pressing her pink lips together. She's wearing lipstick. “I borrowed it from a friend.”

“Oh.” Lapis smiles crookedly. “That's great.”

Peridot raises an eyebrow. “You okay? You look a little—” She grins smugly. “—overwhelmed.”

“I just can't believe—” Lapis laughs, shoving her hands into her back pockets. “You actually—You actually did it. I was only joking when I made the dare, but—”

Peridot shrugs shyly. “I knew you wanted to see me in one.” She wiggles, before taking a tentative step forward. “I wanted to make you happy.”

“Peridot,” Lapis reaches out to cup her face in her hands, before leaning in to capture her in a quick kiss. “You're so beautiful,” She chuckles. “You're so adorable,” And she kisses her again. “You're so mine.”

Peridot shuts her eyes, sighing. “I'm so glad you think I look okay.”

Lapis pulls away, her eyes wide and jaw hanging. “Okay?!” She laughs. “Peridot, I think you look a lot more than just _okay_.”

Peridot in a slim black dress that cuts off at the knees, Peridot with little black heels, Peridot with lipstick and dark eyeshadow, Peridot with penciled eyebrows and eyeliner, Peridot with short blonde hair curled adorable around her little freckled face, Peridot with her bare shoulders and back and thighs exposed—

“You are the single most beautiful thing in this entire universe right now.” Lapis says, pursing her lips, blushing ferociously, chuckling. “And I'm—I'm having a lot of trouble grasping the fact that you're actually _mine_.”

Peridot is at a complete loss of words. She works her jaw, flushing a deep, velvet red, before cheekily turning away. “You sure know your way with words, Lazuli.”

“It comes naturally,” Lapis whispers. “When it's the truth.”

Peridot looks up at her, smiling. There is no other sight Lapis loves more. “Go get ready, you clod.”

Lapis giggles. “Your wish my command, my princess.” And she bows to emphasize her point, which only serves to make Peridot bend backwards in laughter.

Since Peridot is wearing a dress tonight... What better way to show off her diversity than wearing a suit herself? She trudges into her bedroom, pulling her closet doors wide open and peering inside. She has an old suit tucked away somewhere. Or, at least, a formal dress shirt, slacks and a blazer. She's gonna have to borrow a tie from Steven or something. She sends him a text real quick before grabbing her clothes and shuffling into the bathroom.

Ten minutes later, she reemerges ready.

“Peridot!” She yells, poking her head through the divider keeping her bedroom and living room separate. “You ready?”

Peridot's seated in one of her couches, leaning backwards, one leg draped politely over the other, giving Lapis a clear view of her thighs in all their splendorous glory. She turns to look over her shoulder before flashing her a smile. “Yup!”

Lapis blinks.

What did she ask again?

What's the time?

What is anything?

She knows _one_ thing, at the very least.

Peridot's exposed thighs are her complete kryptonite. And don't even get her started on her bu—

“Lapis?”

Lapis pulls her gaze up to meet Peridot's eyes. “Hm?”

Peridot blinks, smiling slyly. “Distracted?”

“Um,” Lapis clears her throat. “Just a little.”

Peridot giggles. “You ready to go or what?”

“Absolutely.” She takes a step forward, revealing her outfit, before sheepishly shoving her hands into her pockets. “What do you think?”

Peridot stares at her for a long moment, her brows raised, her lips spread open in a delicate oval, her eyes wide—She works her jaw, speechless. “Um,” She stands up quickly, dusting herself off, self-consciously playing with the hem of her dress, before laughing. “You've been holding out on me, bartender.”

Lapis grins cheekily. “I've never considered _'_ trying on a suit' a worthy agenda.”

Peridot chuckles, letting her gaze wash appreciatively over Lapis's figure. “Beautiful _and_ dashing. Jesus, Lazuli, you're the whole package.”

Lapis clicks her tongue. “Speak for yourself, Guntherson.” She makes her way towards her, drawing her arms sneakily around her waist and pulling her in. The feel of her bare back beneath her fingertips... She leans in, inhaling her scent, before pressing her lips against Peridot's left ear. “I'm counting down the seconds until I can rip this thing off your beautiful fucking body, my love.”

Peridot shivers, withering under her touch. Her hold over her neck tightens, and she whispers into her ear, “You're so dangerous, Lazuli.” She shuts her eyes, sighing. “I wanna drown in you.”

Dear _God._

“Fuck,” Peridot giggles. “We need to go. We're already like, five minutes late.”

Lapis hums quietly before nodding. “Pearl knows I'm always fashionably late. She won't mind. Her performance won't be till late anyways.”

“Yeah, but it'd be bad if we come in when the show's already started and have to scoot past all these fancy, rich people to get to our seats in the middle of the auditorium.”

Lapis blinks. “Good point.” She pulls away, grinning. “Let's get to it then.”

Peridot chuckles, before leaning in to kiss her. “Lead the way, my prince.”

* * *

 

Steven picks them up this time, because hell, carpools are great.

Peridot, Connie and Lapis get into a very animated—and very heated—discussion about the history of Protestantism and how the Anglican Church basically sprung up because one of the King Henry's of old was picky and stupid and he wanted a divorce with Catherine of Aragon but the pope said no so he left Catholicism and started his own religion. Steven was home-schooled all his life, and he never actually took a proper US History course, so he was pretty blind-sided by the discussion. By the time they get to the gallery, Lapis and Peridot have teamed up against Connie in an attempt to debunk her of her theory that religion might actually be the creation of the devil.

“ _Think_ about it!” Connie exclaims, twisting around in her seat to face her opposition. “Nearly _all_ the wars that happened in the 16 th and 17th century was because of religion. The French Religion Wars, the Thirty Years' War, the Netherland fiasco, the Spanish Armada coming to England and nearly destroying _everything_ just because Elizabeth I was religiously tolerant! It makes _sense_ that the devil created it to mess the world up!”

Peridot gapes at her. “So what, God and Jesus and the idea of Heaven are all just lies created by the devil?!”

“To rile us up and make us believe in something, so that we can turn on each other when a new religion arises, yeah.”

Lapis laughs spitefully. “Oh my God, you're nuts!”

Connie sticks her tongue out. “I like to look at all the options.”

“Even the ones that don't make sense?!”

“Don't hate me for my beliefs, Lapis, I can bring up a pretty solid argument.” Connie says with a wink.

Lapis snickers and Peridot laughs as Steven parks the car in front of a building opposite the gallery. He turns the ignition off and sighs. “Let's get out of here please.”

“You sound upset, Steven,” Lapis muses. “What's wrong?”

“All this talk about history and religion and God is making my head hurt,” He groans to emphasize his point. “I didn't wanna think tonight!”

They all laugh as they make their way out. Steven leads them across the road and into the fancy stout building on the other side. The others are already waiting for them at the foyer. Pearl is there, with her pretty black ballet outfit hugging all the right curves along her slim figure, along with Ruby, who's dressed, of course, in a suit, and Sapphire, who's sporting a beautiful long, blue frilly dress with pretty white laces and an open back—she has her hair bunned up too—and finally, Amethyst, who's wearing this—admittedly, amazing—black and purple dress that goes up her curvy body in tight and baggy variations, making for an interesting—and highly commendable—piece. Lapis has to admit, that girl can pull off even the most ridiculous of dresses.

They approach them with Steven leading up front, Connie by his side, and Lapis and Peridot behind them.

Pearl's the first to notice them.

“Oh, you guys are here!” She exclaims, smiling. “Wonderful. They're just about to start. I was a little worried you were gonna be late.”

Steven chuckles lightly. “Sorry, Pearl. Heavy traffic.”

Pearl raises a skeptical eyebrow. “You sure?” She leans in, just slightly, to look over Steven's shoulder straight at the blue-haired bartender behind him. “Because I'm pretty sure I know someone in your group who's _notorious_ for being late.”

Lapis stares at her, smiling, before clearing her throat. “ _Fashionably_ late, mind you.”

Pearl chuckles, rolling her eyes. “Whatever.”

This is the first time she and Pearl are having a regular conversation since she and Peridot started dating. That night at the bar during Martin Luther King, Jr. Day was different. She and Pearl barely actually talked. Not like this. But here they are. She glances sideways, just slightly, to see if Peridot's uncomfortable with it.

But Peridot's face is pale.

And her eyes are wide.

And she looks about ready to barf all over the ground.

Lapis furrows her brows. “Peridot?”

Peridot takes a moment, but when she finally looks at her, her composure swiftly returns. “Yes?”

_Huh._

_That was weird._

“Are you okay?” Lapis asks worriedly, intertwining their fingers together.

Peridot hesitates, but then quickly nods. “Yeah,” She whispers. “Absolutely.”

But her voice says otherwise. And her face just one second ago... What the hell? It was like she just saw a ghost. And not metaphorically, either. Like she _literally_ saw a ghost. Lapis swallows, before turning away. If she says she's okay though, there's no point in trying to probe into it. Besides, Pearl's already trying to usher them inside.

They follow the crowd of fancy people into the giant auditorium. They have tickets and assigned seats, so they go about their way trying to look for it. It's the few seats directly at the center of the room, squashed in a perfect row, with the perfect view of the stage. On the way to her seat, Lapis accidentally bumps into Amethyst. She whirls around, flushing, before murmuring a quick apology. Amethyst, in turn, quietly waves her away. But there's something weird about her expression. And she isn't even looking at her in the eye. Lapis hesitates.

Does this have something to do with Pearl?

“Lapis?”

Lapis turns around and blinks.

Peridot's in front of her, waiting.

“Oh,” She murmurs, nodding. “Right.” With a quick step forward, she reaches out to grab her hand, and together they make their way to their seats.

“So,” Lapis laughs. “What do you think?”

Peridot turns to her. “What do you mean?”

“This place. This whole... scene. Pretty fancy, huh?” Lapis bites her lip. “Do you... like it?”

Peridot looks confused. Lapis doesn't blame her. This is kinda out of nowhere. “Um, yeah, I guess?” She shrugs. “I mean, I hate dressing up. But occasionally, it's pretty fun.”

Lapis giggles. “Same.”

“Why're you asking?”

 _Lots of reasons._ “No particular reason.”

“Lapis,” Peridot's eyes soften. “You are a shit liar.”

Lapis rolls her eyes. “ _Sure_ , because I was so shit the past couple of weeks before Jasper found out about us.”

“Um, _you're_ the reason she found out!”

Lapis laughs. Once. Then she stops, and her expression falls. “Oh, that's true.”

Peridot giggles, before leaning in the kiss her on the cheek. The contact is electric. Lapis can't help it. She's so in love with this girl. “You're cute.”

“And you're beautiful.” Lapis winks, before pressing her lips against her forehead and wrapping an arm around her shoulder. She pulls her in, nuzzling her in the crook of her neck, before scanning her gaze across the masses. It's pretty packed. Which is great! Cause that means Pearl's doing good if she was invited to perform in a fancy shindig like this. Then again, she's always been successful in dance. She's a great performer.

And then her gaze lands on Jasper.

“Oh!” She pulls away, grinning. “Jasper's here!”

Peridot cranes her neck, searching, but when her eyes land on the tall, muscular girl, her lips part open in an O. “She—She brought someone.”

Lapis blinks.

_She brought someone?_

“Jasper!” Ruby exclaims. “You're late as hell.”

Jasper's sporting a neat white dress shirt, a black tie and slacks, and her hair, which is usually so rough and unkempt, is tied back in a smooth ponytail. She looks—She looks _good_. She laughs as she approaches them. “The show hasn't even started yet!”

Ruby shrugs. “But you didn't get to see Pearl before she left! You could've wished her good luck.”

Jasper clicks her tongue. “I'll text her. Sides', she doesn't need it. She always does great.”

“True.” Lapis muses.

Connie looks up at Jasper curiously. “Um,” She points, smiling sweetly. “Who's your friend?”

Jasper blushes, before abruptly taking a step to the side, revealing the tiny girl behind her. The girl's short, shorter than Peridot, with reddish-tanned skin and a black bob, bright hazel eyes, luscious peach lips and a curvy, stout stature. She has her hands behind her back, sporting a cute little red dress that falls elegantly from the waist down like a velvet curtain. She looks up at them and blushes, before waving awkwardly.

“Guys, this is Ruby.” She says quickly, laughing. “But her friends call her Eyeball.”

“Inside joke.” The girl whispers timidly.

Ruby's eyes widen, and she grins. “Hey, glad to see another Ruby here!”

Sapphire giggles. “I'm—I'm gonna be honest. It's a little scary how much you two look alike.”

Ruby turns to her, her expression one of absolute horror. Lapis has to withhold a laugh, but a snicker escapes through her defenses, and when Peridot hears it, she's chuckling along as well.

“Heya, Eyeball! It's nice to meet you!” Amethyst exclaims, reaching out to shake her hand. “I'm Amethyst.”

Eyeball smiles shyly before grabbing her hand. “Nice to meet you too, Amethyst.”

“I'm Ruby, as you know.” Ruby says—almost proudly—before mimicking Amethyst's actions. “And this is my wife Sapphire.”

Eyeball giggles. “Nice to meet you, _Ruby_ , Sapphire.”

“I'm Peridot.”

Lapis is still trying to get her voice out as Eyeball introduces herself to Peridot. For some reason, there's this weird feeling in her gut keeping her from speaking. She falters, looking straight at Jasper.

She moved on this quickly?

_No._

_No, that's not it._

Jasper is staring at Peridot, but when she realizes Lapis is watching her, she moves her gaze upwards, and their eyes meet.

_Jasper's still moving on._

_Just like Lapis is._

It's never as simple as 'I've moved on'. There's always something behind it. A lingering feeling, perhaps, lingering memories, thoughts, what if's. There's always... something. But that's okay. That's all part of moving on, even at the very end. Lapis takes a breath, holds it.

_I'm so happy for you, Jasper._

_So happy._

“This is Lapis.” Peridot says, jabbing a thumb at Lapis's direction. “She's a loser.”

Lapis stares at her, gaping. “What?!” She scoffs. “Speak for yourself!”

Jasper laughs. “I agree completely.”

Lapis gapes at her. “Et tu, Jasper?! What is this ganged assault?!” Lapis looks from Peridot to Jasper as the rest of her friends laugh at her saddened, disbelieving face. “I'm being cornered! This isn't fair!”

“Don't worry, Lapis!” Steven calls out, giggling. “I've got your back!”

“What're you talking about, Steven?! You're laughing too!”

Even through the laughter and Steven's teary-eyed wheezing, Lapis can just barely make out Jasper leaning into Eyeball's ear and saying, “She's my best friend.” Her heart explodes at the sound. She squeezes her hand into a fist and smiles, leaning backwards at the thought that things are finally— _finally_ —startingto look up. She doesn't wanna jinx it but...

Life's been good to her.

And she suspects it might stay that way for a while.

Then the gallery begins.

The performances are fucking spectacular throughout. Lapis isn't usually one for these fancy galleries, especially orchestras and contemporary dancing and all that. She likes noise. She likes crazy screaming. She likes punk rock and alcohol and fights and hip hop. But just tonight—just this once—she finds herself enjoying herself a lot more than she thought she would. But maybe that's because Peridot's beside her, whispering little things into her ear, caressing her thigh, giggling, staring at her, kissing her knuckles at ever-so-random times—and sometimes she'd make a joke that'd be so funny Lapis would have to literally _cover_ _her mouth with a hand_ to keep from completely cracking up.

Peridot's a master at keeping her entertained.

And Lapis is so grateful to her.

“Don't laugh.”

“It's yur full fer mafin tat jok.” Lapis murmurs through her mouth.

Peridot leans in, eyebrows furrowed. “I did not get that at all.”

“I said,” Lapis whispers, drawing her hand away, trying to keep her laugh in by gritting her teeth together. “It's your fault for making that joke.”

Peridot blinks, before ginning. “Well, it _does_ look like an oversized penis.”

And so Lapis laughs.

And everybody looks at her like she'd just robbed a bank. She clamps her lips shut and shrinks into her seat, flushing.

Peridot giggles beside her, reaching over to grab her hand form over the seat divider. She squeezes once, and Lapis feels a little better already.

When it's finally Pearl's turn to come up on stage, the lights around them dim dramatically, and the curtains, with a shuddering crank, part to make way for the beautiful ballerina behind it. Pearl stands rigid on her toes, her back arced backwards, eyes shut, arm dipped elegantly over her body like a bridge. How does she pose like that? That's gotta hurt like a _bitch_. But look at her, doing it so effortlessly. Lapis has always admired that about her. Ballet's a disciplined art.

And Pearl's the best ballerina Lapis has ever had the honor to watch.

Lapis remembers that night at the lake, when Pearl first told her about stealing that one ballerina's diamond tiara. She was so giddy, so happy, so thoughtless—and she had grown so much since then. Pearl admired a woman who starred as Swan Lake in a little play in her hometown. And now look at her—She's someone who's entrusted with multiple awards and commendations, loved and admired and adored by several thousands of people because of her amazing talent and beautiful grace. She's a star all on her own. Her own Swan Lake to her own play. Lapis has been too spiteful and hurt and disappointed because of what happened between them these past couple of months that she never truly found the time to fully... _appreciate_ who Pearl is and how far she's come. Lapis is so proud of her.

Pearl has made it so far.

The music starts, and Pearl starts dancing.

From the beginning to the end, she entrances the audience with quick and elegant movements, expressive faces, _amazing_ representation—She tells a story all on her own with just her body alone and shit, it's amazing to watch her do this. To watch her perform an entire story with just the music and flailing arms—perfectly-timed, calculated, beautiful flailing arms, that is. Lapis can't tear her gaze away.

She's always admired her.

But now, to watch her again after everything that's happened—She finds herself feeling something else for her that she hasn't been able to feel in a while now...

Respect.

Her performance ends with a round of applause. A standing ovation. Everybody gets out of their seats and claps and cheers for the beautiful ballerina in the black suit. Lapis yells at the top of her lungs, and Amethyst, who's just three seats beside her, does the same. They exchange a look, just briefly, before Amethyst quickly turns away.

“Wow.” Lapis turns her gaze downwards, staring at Peridot as her expression goes from surprise to pure admiration. “She's—She's amazing.”

“She is,” Lapis murmurs, grinning. “There's a reason she's so highly-acclaimed.” Peridot swallows, her fingers intertwined in front of her. Lapis notices her hesitation, her fright, and so she leans in, brows furrowed. “What's wrong?”

Peridot shakes her head, nervous. “Nothing.”

“Oh come on, Peri.”

“N-No, really, Lapis,” She blushes. “It's nothing.”

But it isn't nothing, and Lapis knows that. She reaches over to drape her arm over her shoulder, before pulling her against her body. Peridot yelps, tripping over her heels for a moment before stabilizing herself by pressing an arm against Lapis's side. She looks over, glaring. “That wasn't very nice!”

Lapis chuckles. “If there's something wrong with my girl, I wanna know what it is.”

My girl.

Peridot blushes. “I—”

“And I'm not letting her go until she tells me.”

Gee, it sure is nice to watch Peridot squirm like this. She sighs, looking away, her face red, eyes drawn to the ground. After a moment, she relents, and says, “Look, I'm just a little intimidated.”

Lapis tilts her head slightly to the side. “Intimidated?” She shakes her head. “By _what_?”

“By _her_ , Lapis. By your ex-girlfriend!” Peridot bites her lip. “She's so amazing and cool and beautiful and—and she's like a freaking celebrity and look at me!” She flushes. “I'm just _me_. I own a stupid Cyber Cafe and I live in a dump.”

“Peridot!” Lapis immediately lets her go just so that she can turn her around and look her straight in the eye. “Do _not_ say that. Don't _ever_ say that.”

Peridot winces. “But—”

“I love _you_ , Peridot. I don't fucking care if Pearl is famous or fancy or—or a freaking God! I love _you_ and I will always love you, and it doesn't matter if you get transformed into some alien with a diamond on your forehead or some shit, I will _always_ love you for who you are.”

Peridot squints, her eyes watering, before she cheekily pulls away, trying to hide her own embarrassment by rubbing at the edges of her eyes with the heel of her palm. She laughs. “I'm sorry, I just—”

“Hey, it's okay.” Lapis smiles softly, reaching over to caress her cheek. “It's okay to be afraid. It's okay to be... unsure. Just so long as you know I'm here to make you feel better in the end, then—” She giggles. “I'm good.”

Peridot grins, her face brightening at the very action, before she leans in to press her head against Lapis's shoulder. “You sound almost cool with this suit.”

Lapis blinks. “Hold on, _almost_ cool?”

Peridot giggles. “Like a prince right off a storybook.”

“Are we not going to address that very ominous 'almost'?”

“I love you, Lapis.”

Lapis opens her mouth, before clamping it shut. Peridot's ear is to her chest. So she can definitely hear her heart beating like a wild animal on a run, right? She looks away, grinning stupidly, goofily, before saying, “You crazy monkey.”

Peridot lets go and takes a tentative step backwards. Right at that moment, Steven appears from behind her.

“Hey!” He says, giggling. “If you two are done being total lovebirds in front of all these people, could we all go see Pearl backstage now and congratulate her on her _wonderful_ performance?”

Peridot turns to face him. “Yes!” She exclaims, grinning. “She did so good!”

Oh man, Peridot is so fucking cute.

Lapis chuckles, scratching the back of her neck. “Sorry.”

Steven winks. “No worries, Lap.” He nudges his head at the end of the row of seats. “Let's go.”

They make their way down, their group of unorthodox, crazy kids, laughing and slapping about, pushing each other gently through the crowd. Lapis loves her group. She wouldn't trade them for the world. When they finally make it backstage, Amethyst has already somehow ripped her dress and Jasper's tie is wonky and loose. Eyeball has to drag her aside to fix it for her. Pearl finds them in less than five minutes, weaving elegantly through the dancers, dressed in a hoodie and compression shorts. They can see the sweat dripping down her forehead and neck, it's incredibly hot back here and the dancing must've completely worn her out. She's sweating so much. You couldn't see it from the stage but up close, it's evident.

“Guys!” She yells, laughing. “How'd you like the performance?”

“Are you kidding?!” Amethyst grins widely. “Everyone did _awesome_ , Pearl. _You—_ ” She pauses, blushing. “ _You_ especially.”

Pearl grins, showing teeth, before she leans in to kiss Amethyst quickly on the cheek. “Thank you, love. I try.”

Lapis tries not to be bothered by that, and she really isn't, for the most part, but it's the first time she's seen Pearl rebuff Amethyst's advances in front of her. She knows why. It's cause Lapis is here with Peridot. Pearl knows that Lapis is finally moving on. She takes a breath, holds it.

And then she realizes with breathtaking amazement that...

She _is_ fine with it.

She's even... _happy_ for her.

She definitely doesn't agree with Pearl's new choice of... _interest_ , but she's happy that she's happy.

“Pearl,” Lapis says, taking a step forward. She can just barely catch Peridot watching her from the corner of her eye. Pearl looks up, startled, staring at her as she makes her way to the front of their group. With a hand outstretched, she reaches out and grabs Pearl's shoulder in a friendly embrace, pulling her in with an arm. “You did _amazing._ ”

Pearl blushes, giggling. “Why, thank you, Lapis.”

Everyone's holding their breath, watching the scene unfold. It's been so long since they touched like this. It's been so long since they were... _okay._

“To be honest, I thought you would've fallen asleep or something, considering, y'know, your utter _dislike_ of anything that isn't a raging concert.”

Lapis laughs, shaking her head. “Cool it, Pearl. I like my noise but there are certain thing outside of that that are worth watching.” She pulls away and smiles. “Like your dancing, for example. Seriously, Pearl, you improved _so_ much.”

Pearl reddens even more, if that's possible. “Geez, Lapis,” She murmurs, shrinking away in coy embarrassment. “You're making me all giddy, complimenting me so much.”

Lapis laughs, before waving the thought away. “Anyone would agree.” She turns around to face the rest of them. “Right, guys?”

And it's hilarious because they all look like they've just seen a shark and a walrus do the tango together on the tip of an iceberg, but they immediately snap out of it when Lapis turns around to face them. Steven clears his throat, nodding.

“Definitely!” He bellows, taking a step forward to pull Pearl in for an embrace.

Lapis backs up as the rest continue to congratulate her, telling her how amazing she did, how awesome the entire thing was. She backs up right into the spot next to Peridot.

“Hey.”

Peridot is quiet for a moment, before she finally says, “Hey.”

Lapis looks at her. “Are you okay?”

Peridot looks a little pale, and a little nervous, and a little uncomfortable, but she nods. “Yeah.”

Lapis knows she's lying.

“Peridot, I did that because—”

“I need to use the restroom.” Peridot looks up at her, smiling. But her smile is so false. It's the falsest she's ever seen it been. “I'll be right back, okay?”

Lapis doesn't understand. Did she do something wrong? “Yeah,” She whispers. “Sure.”

Peridot nods and backs up, disappearing in the crowd of people.

Lapis doesn't know what to think.

She's dumbfounded.

It was almost as if Peridot had thought Lapis did what she did to intentionally hurt her, to spite her—But why the fuck would she do that? She did it because she wanted to show everyone, to _prove_ to everyone, that she was finally and completely over Pearl. She wouldn't have been able to have done that before. She wouldn't have been able to touch her so casually, to compliment her so naturally, to look her in the eye and say what she genuinely felt so openly...

She needs to explain that to Peridot.

She needs to clear things up.

“Trouble in paradise?”

Lapis blinks, turning her gaze. Jasper stares back at her, eyebrows raised, lips curled upwards in a playful smile. Lapis laughs awkwardly, scratching the back of her neck. “Um, well,” She shrugs. “It was a misunderstanding, I guess.”

Jasper nods thoughtfully, staring down at her shoes as they shine in the light. After a moment, she clears her throat, and brings her gaze up to meet Lapis's. “You two look stunning tonight, by the way.”

Lapis flushes. “O-Oh. Well, thank you, Jasp.”

“What the heck?” Jasper laughs. “Are you _blushing_ , Lazuli? Have you gone soft?!”

Lapis giggles. “In your wildest dreams, Sokolov. This is just the heat of the light. It's all an illusion.”

“Right, _right_ ,” Jasper rolls her eyes. “No, but, seriously, I've never seen Peridot in a dress or _you_ in a suit before and it's—” She laughs, shaking her head. “It's definitely a sight to remember. You almost look as dashing as I do!”

Lapis bursts out laughing. “You fucking prick.”

“You love me.”

“Yes, but only circumstantially.” Lapis winks. “Once my bar takes off soaring, I'll leave you in the dirt.”

Jasper flips her off, grinning. “Fuck off.”

“Right back at you.” Lapis blows her a kiss, before nudging her head towards Eyeball.

Jasper immediately flushes. “You cunt!” She exclaims in a whisper, trying to hide her laugh with a hand. She ends up snorting instead.

Lapis giggles, mimicking her actions and stepping a beat closer to bump her with her hip. “Bet you're gonna have lots of fun tonight.”

“Jesus Christ, Lapis,” Jasper colors. “We're taking things slow! It's been less than a week!”

Lapis laughs. “Count on Jasper to be the softest boxer on this entire planet.”

“Hey, _hey_ , I'm soft when I _need_ to be, but I can go hard when I want to.” Jasper winks.

“Dear Lord,” Lapis murmurs, slapping her playfully on the arm. “Jasper's ready for some _action_!”

Jasper giggles and wraps an arm around her shoulder. For a moment, she keeps it there, then she pulls away and smiles. “You're a cunt.” Which is her way of saying she loves her.

Lapis grins. “And you're my favorite little bitch.” Which is Lapis's way of saying she loves her too.

“Alright, we're going for rounds at the bar tonight!” Ruby exclaims, throwing her hands up in the air.

Steven shouts out in agreement, and the rest, who have enough decency to not scream out in a room filled with professional dancers, all nod their heads in agreement.

All, that is, except Lapis.

“Ah, I can't.” She laughs playfully, pushing her hands out in front of her. “I mean, Peridot and I can't. We have, um, something to get to.”

“She means sex.” Steven deadpans.

Lapis gapes at him. “Okay, you wanna play it like _that_ , Universe?! Who was the one who caused that slight rip in the stitching of Connie's dress?! Jasper? Ruby? Me?!” She laughs. “I don't think so!”

Steven flushes a deep red, and Connie, who's biting her lip in an attempt to not completely combust at Lapis, glares holes into her face with her eyes alone. Steven shakes his head and sucks in a tight breath. “You'll pay for that, Lazuli.”

Lapis grins. “Anytime, anywhere, Universe.”

They're all laughing, and it's a playful atmosphere, and everybody's having a good time and they're fine and happy and together—But Lapis just can't get the image of Peridot's face out of her mind. She looked so hurt. So... edgy. Lapis _needs_ to make sure she knows that it wasn't what she thought it was. Sighing, she digs her hands into her pockets, staring at the ground in contemplation.

She's so lost in her thoughts that she doesn't notice Pearl make her way beside her.

“Earth to Lapis?”

Lapis brings her gaze up, blinking. “Huh?” She flushes. “Oh, sorry, I was just—I was thinking about...” She laughs and shakes her head. “What's up?”

Pearl looks around before setting her gaze on her. “Could we talk?” She pauses, before adding, “In private?”

Lapis tilts her head. “Um,” This is uncalled for. “Sure.”

So Pearl takes her by the wrist and leads her away, through the bustling commotion of busy dancers trying to get everyone and everything sorted out properly before they leave the auditorium. Pearl finally stops at the other end of the stage, standing carefully by the hanging coats and away from any prying ears. She takes a breath and turns around to face her longtime friend, her recent ex—

“Lapis, I—” She grits her teeth, searching. “I'm gonna admit, I didn't—I didn't expect this whole thing to turn out so... good.”

Lapis raises an eyebrow. “What do you mean?”

Pearl shrugs cheekily, squirming underneath the lights. “I mean—I don't know. When I saw you two during Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, when I realized that you two were going out behind Jasper's back... I was worried for you, Lapis. I knew that it wasn't a good idea and I knew that someone was going to get hurt.”

Lapis furrows her brows. “Okay,” She whispers. “That explained the looks.”

Pearl nods. “When Sapphire finally told me that things blew up between you and Jasper, I got so worried. I knew it was going to happen eventually but I hadn't expect the result to be so drastic. I never would've thought she'd ignore you completely.”

Lapis bites her lip. “Yeah, that makes two of us.”

“Look, what I'm trying to say is,” Pearl takes a deep breath and places both hands atop Lapis's shoulders, shaking her. “I'm—I'm _so_ happy for you, Lapis. I'm so happy that you've finally found someone who can make you happy. I'm happy that you and Jasper are okay with it. I'm happy that—” She smiles endearingly. “I'm happy that _you and_ _I_ are okay again. I'm overjoyed that you're talking to me again, looking at me again. I thought this day would never come but—”

Lapis chuckles nervously, reaching out to cup her hand over Pearl's. “I know I've been a bitch to you, Pearl.”

“No, no, trust me, Lapis, I get it. I deserved it. I ended it messily and badly and—” She hesitates. “And I got into a new relationship so quickly. I hurt you, I understand why you did the things you did.”

Lapis looks at her feet. She had to borrow shoes from Steven too. They're so big on her feet, but that's okay, because she's wearing pants. And pants are a lot better to trip in than dresses are. She waits a moment, before looking up. Pearl's staring at her again. And in another life, during another time, if things were different... Lapis would've fallen in love with that look all over again. She would've killed to be with Pearl again, to receive that look again, to be showered by her attention again—But in this world, in this lifetime, _right_ at this moment, Lapis realizes with utmost relief that it holds no affect on her anymore. She loves Pearl...

But not necessarily in that way.

Lapis chuckles, before reaching out to pat her lightly on the head. “The bad times are over.”

Pearl smiles warmly. “Finally over.”

“Yeah,” Lapis pulls away and makes a face. “Was it ever in doubt?”

Pearl rolls her eyes. “Do I need to remind you what's been happening over the last couple of months or would a smack to the head bring back your memories?”

“You're a salty one.”

Pearl shrugs. “It's in my genetic code, can't change it.”

Lapis laughs, and Pearl's heart melts at how free Lapis looks, how happy she finally seems to be. Pearl sighs, and says, “I don't think... I've ever seen you quite at peace like this before. You were always on edge, even when you were with me.” She fiddles with her thumbs, smiling sadly. “There was always something you were unhappy with, something you were afraid about, something that we disagreed on...” And then she smiles genuinely. “But with Peridot... You look safe.”

Lapis takes a breath. “I feel safe, Pearl. I feel—” She pauses and laughs. “—stable.”

And stability is something she's never known to feel. To be completely at ease, to be free, to be happy with yourself, unafraid of the future—and nothing's for certain, everything's a mess of disorderly chaos and mayhem...

But sometimes, if you have the right people with you, it's impossible for that uncertainty—that fear and irresolution—to bring you down. Lapis is more than content with her life right now. She's completely over the moon with it.

“Have fun with Peridot tonight, okay?” Pearl says.

Lapis can only grin and respond with a bright, “You can count on it.”

Pearl laughs and makes her way back to the group, throwing Lapis one last look from over her shoulder.

Man, these few weeks have been intense, and crazy, and amazing, and wonderful, and horrible, and—Lapis has run out of words. But if there's one that can describe everything adequately enough for paper, it'd be _surreal._

She takes a breath and looks around.

 _Where_ is _Peridot?_

She didn't see a bathroom on the way inside. Then again, Lapis is as oblivious as a light bulb if she isn't concentrating hard enough, and it'd be easy for her to miss a literal elephant standing in the middle of the room if someone didn't point it out first. She cranes her neck, eyes narrowed, but her attempts are thwarted when an unsuspecting voice speaks behind her.

“Hey—”

“Holy shit!” Lapis whirls around, frightened.

Peridot stares back at her in surprise. “Ah—” She laughs awkwardly. “Sorry, I didn't think—”

Lapis breathes out a sigh of relief. “Damn, woman.” She murmurs, bending over to catch her breath. “Are you _trying_ to give me a heart attack?”

Peridot chuckles, smiling, before taking a hesitant step forward and pressing her body against Lapis's. Lapis freezes, eyes wide with surprise. “Oh,” She whispers, wrapping her arms around her shoulders. “This is unexpected.”

It's silent for a moment.

Lapis takes that time to collect her thoughts, to think—

She and Peridot didn't exactly leave on the greatest of terms. Last Lapis checked, Peridot was angry at her. Or, at the very least, disappointed. She looks down at her shorter girl, snuggled against her body with her make-up slightly smeared and her dress a little ruffled. Even despite that, she still looks as beautiful as the setting sun. And fuck, Lapis just wants to hold her in her arms till everything else melts away.

“I'm sorry.”

Lapis furrows her brows. “What?”

“I'm sorry,” Peridot repeats quietly, speaking into Lapis's shirt. “I was—I was jealous because of what you did. I thought—I didn't—” She sighs, burying her face in the crook of her neck. “I overheard your conversation with Pearl.”

Lapis blinks, blushing. “Oh.”

“I came in from the other side because the bathroom was all the way there, and then I saw you. I couldn't hear you guys at first, and all I saw was that you two were alone, and you were close.” She grits her teeth together. “You two were so close. I was—I couldn't breathe,” She laughs pathetically. “And then she put her hands on your shoulders, and you put yours over hers and—”

Lapis can't feel her body. She can't feel anything except Peridot's voice, piercing into her, hurting her. “Peridot—”

“Lapis, I was so scared that I was gonna lose you.” Peridot tightens her hold, and suddenly they're just hugging intensely in the corner of a busy stage, ignoring everyone and everything. Lapis can feel her breath tickling the side of her neck, hot and breathy and short. She shuts her eyes and holds her closer, burying her fingers in her blonde curls. “But then—But then I got close enough to hear you and—Lapis, what you said—I'm so—” She chokes. “I'm _so_ sorry for doubting you.”

Lapis looks away, shaking her head, but just barely, because Peridot's head is beside hers. “Fuck, Peri,” She releases a shallow sigh. “I'm so sorry I made you doubt.”

“No.” Peridot sighs. “It was my own fault.”

“No, it wasn't. I should never make you feel like I don't completely and whole-heartedly love you and only you.”

“Lapis—”

“And I do, Peridot. I do. I meant _everything_ I said to her. You're the first person I've met to have ever completely made me feel safe. And I love you so much for that.”

Peridot pulls away, and even though she's crying—just slightly, just enough to make Lapis's heart break—there's this little smile on her face, so bright, so beautiful, so gentle and soft and caring—She giggles quietly and says, “We always end up in these messed up situations. Like we're in a movie or something. Like we just _have_ to rehearse this whole chorus of cheesy lines and make each other feel like the mushiest people on this entire Earth.”

Lapis grins coyly. “If that's what it takes to make you happy, then by God, I shall do it time and time again.”

“You're a clod.”

“You're a dork.” Lapis smiles. “That's why we fit.”

Lapis giggles, leaning upwards. Lapis leans down and their lips meet in the middle, gentle, lustful, passionate—perfect.

“Hey,” Lapis whispers onto her lips, quietly, breathlessly. “I wanna take you somewhere.”

Peridot hums against her mouth, her eyes remain shut. “Does it have food?”

Lapis hesitates. “No,” She whispers. “But it has experiences!”

“Loser.”

Lapis frowns. “You're so mean to me.”

Peridot laughs and shrugs. “But I have sex with you. And love you. And take care of you.”

Lapis waits a beat, before saying, “You're right. It evens out.”

They pull apart from each other, uncaring to the fact that a few of the dancers are now shooting dirty looks their way because of their immense display of public affection, and, with a grin, Lapis takes Peridot's hand and drags her away, away from the stage, away from the auditorium, away from the building, away from the people, away from the world—Until it's just the two of them. The two of them laughing and alive and happy and free. She takes her across the road, down the street and into this little path wedged in between two suburban houses. It's about a mile down before they finally reach their destination. And halfway through the journey, Peridot has to stop and take out her heels because she keeps tripping on them. They run the rest of the way, chasing each other underneath the pale moonlight and the burning stars.

They make it to a little lake, separated from the rest of the neighborhood, secluded within barbed fences and an anti-trespassing signboard. Lapis rips the wires apart to form a little hole and instructs Peridot to climb through it.

“We could get in _big_ trouble doing this!” Peridot exclaims through giggles.

Lapis says, “They hardly check this place. It's been abandoned for _months_! You gotta rebel a little to experience 'experiences', Peri! Come on!”

Peridot wheezes with laughter, but somehow she manages to squeeze her way through the hole without cutting herself on the wire. Lapis follows suit, carefuller and more elegant than Peridot had been. They stumble their way down to the edge of the bank, where the water meets the land, and after a moment, Peridot falls on her butt and sighs, staring up at the sky with a smile on her face.

“I feel drunk.”

Lapis giggles. “Good,” She says, dropping to her knees and pressing her lips against Peridot's forehead. “Because I have a proposition for you that might take a little coaxing to agree to.”

Peridot raises a curious eyebrow. “Hm,” She shakes her head. “I am not lighting anything on fire.”

Lapis laughs. “Oh, well, the only thing this proposition requires to be lit on fire is, technically, me.”

Peridot makes a face. “Wait, what?”

Lapis takes a step back and strips.

Yeah.

She strips.

She takes her jacket out first, throwing it against the ground uncaringly before reaching up to undo her tie. Slowly, she unbuttons her shirt, keeping her gaze trained steadily on Peridot's face as she does so, her breathing deep and heavy, her eyes half-lidded, body poised. Meanwhile, Peridot has pushed herself up on her elbow, staring like a horny teenager watching his first strip-show live in a secluded private room with the lights dimmed and the music on. Her jaw hangs slack as Lapis slowly—and very teasingly—removes the shirt from her shoulders and lets it fall gracefully to the ground, her upper body now completely bare beyond the grey sports bra binding her breasts back.

She grins, spreading her arms wide. “Are you up for it, stranger?”

But Peridot can't speak. She can barely move. Her sole focus has pinned itself on Lapis's beautiful body, glowing in the moonlight, draped in mystery and darkness.

Lapis leans forward and undoes her belt. And then she takes out her pants, bending forward and arching her back as she steps out of it—ever so casually, ever so seductively. She straightens, biting her lip, before raising her arms over her head and removing her bra. The last thing to go is her underwear. And then—

And then she's completely naked.

Bathed in the light. Drowning in the darkness.

She looks like a Goddess. Like an Angel. Sent from Heaven to purify the world.

Peridot doesn't know how to respond to this. She swallows, before whispering, “What—What's the proposition?”

Lapis takes a step back, then another. Finally, she reaches the edge of the bank. With her feet pressed delicately at the very end of the ground, she faces her body out towards the water and takes a deep, passionate breath. She says, in a voice so seductively sweet, so erotically quiet, “We're gonna skinny-dip, Peridot Guntherson,” before plunging into the waters below.

Peridot's heart skips a beat. “S-Skinny-dip?!” She stutters, pushing herself up to her feet. She trips her way to the edge and drops down to her knees. “Lapis!” She half-yells, half-whispers. “Lapis, where the hell are you?!”

And then she re-emerges a little ways off from the land, her hands brought up to her hair, smoothening it away from her face, her skin glistening in the light, dripping with water, washed with beauty. She looks at her from the corner of her eye, grinning, her face luminescent like a mermaid's, as if her skin is made of scales that glow with fire, burn with brightness. Peridot loses her breath. How can someone this beautiful exist?! Why is the world so fucking cruel and amazing both at the same time?!

“Come on, stranger!” Lapis calls out, giggling. “Don't leave me here all alone.”

Oh, Jesus fucking—

Peridot pulls herself together, straightening up and dusting herself off. “Lapis, this is a little—”

“It's kinda cold!” Lapis says. “Geez, what I would give to have someone come down here and warm me up!”

Peridot makes a face.

This girl...

“I mean, it only takes a few steps and then, I'd be completely secure. Completely safe.” Lapis sighs dramatically. “Oh, isn't there anyone who could save me?”

“You're a fucking clod.” Peridot murmurs underneath her breath, her teeth gritted, eyebrows pulled together—but she's smiling. And her heart is racing. She takes a step back, and with a breath, she unzips her dress from behind and lets it fall to the her feet. She steps out of it, uncertain, afraid, self-conscious, before slowly undoing the clasps to her bra and discarding her underwear. Finally, she's naked as well. They're both naked. And when Peridot looks up, her entire body rashes with red when she catches Lapis's eyes gazing seductively at her body, her breath drawn tight and raspy, her eyes blurry, unfocused, her lips slightly parted—she doesn't know how much more erotic this scene can get.

Peridot takes a tentative step forward, then another, then another, until she's at the edge of the bank.

Lapis throws her a sultry smile. “You gonna come in or what?”

Peridot bites her lip. “Is the water cold?”

“No, but I am.”

Peridot laughs faintly, before nodding. She takes one look at the water, at the deep, immersive, black water, before shutting her eyes, and diving in.

It feels like a cascade of ice on her skin, freezing her body to a popsicle. When she re-emerges in the surface, she takes a deep breath and screams, “It's _fucking freezing,_ Lapis!”

She can hear Lapis laughing as she wipes the water from her eyes. Growling, she swims towards her, churning her teeth together partly in frustration but mostly because it's just way too fucking cold in here. “You're—You're gonna get me sick!” She gasps. “Hypothermia is a real thing!”

Lapis smiles, waddling in the water, waiting for Peridot to get close enough. “But cold bodies pressed together will eventually warm up.”

Peridot shakes her head. “You're crazy.”

And then she gets close enough.

And Lapis latches onto her like a leech—hungry, possessive, lustful.

She grasps onto her body, pulling her in, pressing their skin together, kissing her—kissing her so hard, it hurts. And it hurts. The cold hurts and Lapis's teeth sinking into her lip hurts and Peridot's fingernails digging into her back hurts—But God, if it isn't a sensational pain... There are no words that can describe any of this. Lapis breathes heavily against her mouth, burying her fingers in her hair, dragging her other hand along the length of Peridot's amazing body. In the water, it's an immersive experience—literally—and everything feels lighter, wetter, nastier—Lapis pulls Peridot's body up, seating her on her thigh and grinding her against it. Peridot throws her head back, moaning, and Lapis dives in to leave a long trail of hot kisses down her neck.

And then suddenly, there's a jolt—Something finds its way in between Lapis's thigh. She gasps, biting hard against Peridot's shoulder, inciting a sharp cry from her lover's parted lips. Peridot fingers caress her, love her, and underneath—it feels lighter, wetter, nastier. Lapis laughs against her skin, breathing out in pure ecstasy, pressing Peridot's body closer against hers. She sucks on her breasts, dragging her tongue over the tip, kissing it, biting it—and Peridot moans, digging her fingers into the skin on her back, digging her fingers into her hot, throbbing core. Lapis gasps, Peridot's fingers penetrating.

She can feel her inside her, pumping.

But Lapis wants more—So she fixes Peridot's position, forcing the littler girl to pull her fingers away. She opens her mouth to resist, but Lapis immediately leans upwards and kisses her, breathing greedily into her mouth.

“Shut up,” She murmurs, tasting her. “You're gonna cum for me first.”

And that's when she bucks her thigh closer against Peridot's wet folds. The blonde shivers, throwing her head back and breathing out a sultry moan—after a few more rubs, Peridot starts grinding against her thigh, her hips moving skillfully on their own accord, the spot within her going hot like lava against her clit, with her arms wrapped around Lapis's neck and her breathing going high with pleasure. Lapis continues kissing her, biting her, marking her, and through it all, she finds herself reaching her own climax from the sheer sight and sound of Peridot getting off on her fucking thigh.

“Fuck, Lapis—”

Peridot withers, crying out, her hips quickening, going savage against Lapis's body. “Lapis! Lapis, I'm—I'm—”

Lapis watches her.

She watches her shrink, watches her enlarge, watches her wither and bloom and squirm in her embrace, watches her cry out in the moonlight, watches her sink into the water, drowned in pleasure, drowned in light—and then she comes back up, breathing, gasping, pulling Lapis closer, kissing her again—they're kissing again, harder, more passionately, needier, Peridot props herself up, she plays with her breasts, she fondles them, loves them—Lapis moans against her mouth.

Peridot drags her lips down to her neck, and starts kissing her from there. Her fingers deftly—slowly—find their way down, and in under a second, she has Lapis gasping out in pleasure, pumping into her, stroking her, laughing as Lapis begs for more, her hold on her fragile body tightening and tensing with each rigid thrust.

“Peridot—” Lapis shuts her eyes, gasping, wrapping her legs around Peridot's waist, thrusting her hips out in sync to Peridot's fingers ramming inside of her. “Peridot, oh fucking God, _Peridot_ —”

It's her saying her name like that, in that voice, with that face—how can anyone resist? How can anyone tell her no? How can anyone not fall in love with it? Peridot sucks in a breath and lets it out in a shallow gasp as Lapis screams, her insides squeezing together around her fingers, her hips bucking, head thrown backwards, body convulsing—if it isn't the most beautiful thing Peridot has ever seen, then nothing will ever be.

“Fuck,” Lapis murmurs, groaning, pressing her forehead against Peridot's and breathing in her wet scent. “You drive me so fucking crazy.”

Peridot grins, her canines bared in the reflection of the water, but she remains quiet, cause she's always been a girl of few words—this moment is too precious to ruin with dumb syllables.

Lapis kisses Peridot; softly, at first, and then more passionately, deeper, greedier. When she pulls away, she breathes out a sigh of relief, her eyes smoky and vague. Peridot gazes at her beautifully, with so much love, so much appreciation. There are _no_ words.

Lapis loves Peridot so much, and she's telling her, even without needing to, that everything's gonna be okay now. Everything's gonna be fine. They're safe, in each other's arms, perfect, harmonious—

There is nothing that could ruin this for her.

 _Nothing_.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so those of you following my Tumblr or snapchat should know that I had immense trouble writing this chapter. This week has been hectic and I literally wrote the whole thing just today, and once I finished, I tried posting it up but the website wasn't working on any of my apps AND devices. It finally works but only on my mobile and only if I have my VPN turned on so??? 
> 
> Man I'm just so overly stressed, school is kicking me in the ass but I really wanted to get this chapter to you guys cause your comments always make me feel better and I feel great knowing people enjoy reading my stuff. ❤️
> 
> Okay enough about me.
> 
> GUYS I DIDNT EXPECT TO WRITE A SEX SCENE IN THIS CHAPTER. LIKE THAT WAS COMPLETELY UNPLANNED. BUT HEY GOOD SURPRISES. 
> 
> THANKS GUYS. I LOVE YALL.
> 
> (EDIT. the format was whacked at first but it's fixed now because I'M USING MY LAPTOP IT WORKS OMG YES I HAVE OVERCOME AND PERSEVERED I'M SO HAPPY /dies)


	16. Blessed with Someone Amazing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 22 chapters plus an epilogue. 
> 
> That is confirmed.

Steven is grinning when he enters the room. “Look at you, all ready to go!” He approaches Lapis, laughing, before reaching out to fix the bottom of her shirt that's crumpled up just above her hip.

“Oh thanks,” She chuckles nervously. “I didn't even notice.”

“You're looking a little pale. You okay?”

“Just—Just nervous.”

Steven grins. “You're so cute, Lapis.”

“Hey!” Lapis laughs, pulling away. “Don't make fun of me.”

Steven takes a step back as well, looking her over up and down. He places a hand on his hip and smiles. “You're gonna be fine, Lapis. They'll love you.”

Will they though? From what Lapis has heard about them, they're pretty hard to please. With a cough, she straightens, and reaches out to palm the iPhone on her desk. “I have to pick Peridot up in like half an hour.” She checks the time. “Thanks for coming by on such short notice.”

Steven waves the thought away. “You know it's cool.” He waits a beat, before asking, “Are you ready?”

Lapis looks up at him, wide-eyed. “Ready?” She laughs. “Sure. Ready for my demise, my embarrassment, for our relationship to combust _right_ in front of her parents' faces—“

“You're _just_ meeting her parents, Lapis.” Steven says reassuringly, putting his hands out in front of him. “You'll be _fine_.”

But it's not _just_ that. Lapis met Pearl's parents a year and five months into their relationship. She and Peridot have barely been going out a _month_ and she's already taking a hugely important step forward here. Peridot suggested it, since her parents were coming into town anyways, so she had offered to take them all out for dinner, so that Lapis can bond with them a little. And _yeah_ , it's _super_ nerve-wracking, because Lapis hasn't done this in... a while. And it's a _bit_ scary because she doesn't even know if she knows Peridot enough to make an impression to her parents.

This is all so messed up.

But she's nervous as hell, and she doesn't know what to do about it.

“Do you think I look okay?” She blurts out, checking herself in the mirror. “I mean, this shirt isn't too bad, right? Should I change into something a bit more formal?”

Steven makes a face. “Isn't Peridot taking you guys to some outdoor cafe or something?” He gestures to her clothes. “What're you thinking of changing into? A starlight gown?”

“I'm just _asking_ , Steven.” Lapis groans, burying her face in her hands. “What if they don't like me?”

“You're overthinking this.”

“Pearl's dad didn't like me at first!”

“Pearl's dad doesn't like people in general, Lapis.”

Lapis groans again, louder this time, before whirling around to face him. “So you're saying that there's _no_ chance I can screw this up. Is that what you're saying?”

Steven shakes his head. “No, Lapis—”

“So if shit goes south—”

“You're twisting my words again.”

“—I'm totally gonna blame it on you.”

Steven stares at her for a long moment, before breaking into a gentle sigh. His lip twitches upwards in a smile as he grabs Lapis over the shoulders and pulls her in. “Just be yourself, Lap.”

Lapis cries out, struggling to wriggle out of his death-grip. “You're gonna mess up my hair!”

“It's messed already! Our rough-housing isn't gonna change that!”

Lapis laughs, despite the situation, before finally breaking free from his hold. “Goddamn it, Steven!”

But Steven's smiling. “See?” He says, pointing a rigid finger at the smile playing on Lapis's face. “ _That's_ what you gotta show them. _That_ you.”

And fuck, it's cliché as hell but it's a tactic that somehow always works on her. She rolls her eyes, though a smile still dangles cheekily over her face, before taking a step backwards and sighing. “Okay,” She murmurs, smoothening her hair. “I think I'm ready now.”

* * *

 

Lapis has always had problems with her parents in the past. Her dad was a Russian elite with more money than the average bloke could save up to in ten years, and her mom was this sociable, lovable trendsetter who had heads turning and lips flapping with every breath that she took—that garnered tension. Because a rich father meant that he was never free to bond with his lonely daughter, and a sociable mother meant that she was always too preoccupied with what was going on in _her_ life that she never gave a damn about what was going on in Lapis's. Her childhood wasn't the greatest, but at least she _had_ parents. And ever since her dad died and she's ventured off on her own, Lapis has found that she's been really blessed here. Yeah, things could be better. Yeah, it would be great if her mom could give her some love once in a while. But... She has a _good_ thing going on right now, you know?

From what Lapis has heard about Peridot's parents, however...

All she knows is that Peridot's dad is some businessman with a deranged need to _constantly_ be working 24/7. And her mom—her mom is controlling and manipulative and condescending.

Of course, those are all Peridot's words. Not, in any way, hers.

And Peridot's never been on good terms with them. She made them happy once by winning a spelling bee competition when she was 7. But beyond that, things have always been tense between the three. Her parents filed for a divorce two years ago and have been living separately ever since. But sometimes they'd come over to New York together to visit their favorite—and only—daughter.

Peridot.

And today, Peridot's gonna introduce them to her girlfriend for the first time ever. They both know about her sexual orientation. Neither of them approve.

So this should be fun.

“ _Don't_ look him in the eye. He _hates_ it when people do that.” Peridot sighs, playing with the loose thread hanging from the top of her jeans. “And don't compliment his hair either, even if it _is_ nice. He's super weird about that. I don't know, sometimes I think the work gets to his head or something.”

Lapis opens her mouth. Clamps it shut. Stares at her hand for a moment. “You're freaking me out.”

Peridot shoots her a pleading look. “I'm so fucking nervous.”

“ _You're_ nervous?!” Lapis hisses. “What about me?! I'm meeting your parents for the first time! I feel like I'm gonna ask your dad for your hand in marriage!”

Peridot pales. “Oh no, don't do that! He hates it when people touch his hands too!”

“That's not what I—” Lapis sighs, shutting her eyes. “Nevermind. Where are they now?”

Peridot checks her phone. “They said they'll be here in about five minutes. They're just around the bend.”

Just around the bend. Oh, great. “I am going to piss my pants.”

Peridot pales again. “ _No_ , don't—”

“ _Sarcasm_ , Peri, please.” Lapis reaches out to grip her hand from underneath the tablecloth, before squeezing it tightly. “And—please _stop_ being so nervous. You're gonna give me a heart-attack, I swear to God.”

Peridot looks so anxious. She furrows her brows, forces her gaze down to her lap, before slowly nodding her head up and down. “I'm sorry,” She laughs awkwardly. “I feel like I just roped you into a massacre or something.” Shaking her head, she lets her gaze drift upwards to meet Lapis's eye. “My parents and I don't have the best of relationships.”

Lapis purses her lips and holds her gaze. “I know, Peridot. But—But I'm here for you, okay? I'll stay with you. No matter what.” And she squeezes her hand again, as if to emphasize her point.

Peridot, in turn, smiles, albeit a small one.

“I, um,” Lapis clears her throat. “I actually don't know their names.”

Peridot blinks. “Oh!” She laughs. “Of course, sorry. My mom's name is Ygritte Yéllou Dashmond. People just call her Ygritte. Dad's name is—”

“Peridot?”

Peridot whips her gaze up, frightened. Lapis follows her gaze, and suddenly she finds herself staring at an alarmingly tall couple, which she hadn't expect at all because Peridot is so... Well, _tiny_. Her dad easily stands at about 6'4 ft, and her mom's practically 6'2 ft. They both tower over the average adults, strutting across the restaurant towards us cladded in classy, elegant clothing. Peridot's dad sports a casual brown suit and her mom is wearing a pretty yellow dress. Lapis has to admit, she can see the resemblance between them and their daughter—like her dad's wide but nonchalant, unamused eyes, her mother's sharp features, her slim figure, her dad's unkempt ways. Things match. And Lapis realizes, for the hundredth time, that Peridot is extravagantly unique and diverse. She has all these physical features, all these little indentations on her skin, on her body, that make her so beautiful, so attractive to look at.

_Okay, Lapis, enough doting over your girlfriend._

_Time to make an impression on her parents._

Lapis stands just as Peridot does, and the two make their way around the table to greet the approaching ex-couple. Peridot greets them first. Stiffly. Mechanically. As if she's rehearsed it a million times, and still she manages to stutter her way through with a mistake on the first sentence. She bows her head in apology before trying again.

Lapis has never seen her so flustered.

It's—It's kinda weird.

“Mom, dad, this is—” Peridot takes a step back and gestures to Lapis. “This is my girlfriend, the one I told you about, Lapis Lazuli Lebedev.”

Lapis colors faintly, before bowing and reaching out to shake their hands. “It's a pleasure to meet you.”

And the second—and I mean the _second—_ Lapis's hand comes in contact with Ygritte's, it's like the entire atmosphere shifts from a little awkward and nerve-wracking to just downright murderous. She looks up, her eyes wide, lips pulled tightly together, as Ygritte's face remains stoic, unemotional, brutally judgmental, unamused—but above all else, _disappointed_. Oh dear _God_ , this is a horrible start to the evening.

“Pleasure.” Ygritte murmurs coldly, before pulling her hand away.

Lapis does the same with Peridot's dad, and though he doesn't put off the same kind of murderous aura, he's still just as unattached and disinterested as his elegant ex-wife. “Lebedev,” He murmurs, noticing her name. “Russian?”

Lapis clears her throat and nods. “Y-Yes, my dad's Russian.”

“Oh yeah?” Peridot's dad tilts his head slightly to the side. “He a communist?”

Peridot colors immediately. “ _Dad._ ” She hisses, looking up at him in panic.

Lapis works her jaw, speechless. She's gotten a few of those questions before. Mostly from nosy teenage bullies who have way too much time flunking classes and failing life in general to do anything positive with themselves. But this is—this is Peridot's _father._ She can't respond with a sarcastic retort or half-hearted laugh. She has to say _something_.

 _Oh my God, say_ something _, Lapis._

“He's, um, he doesn't—he doesn't believe in that.” She splutters, turning away. “It's one of the reasons we moved to the States, I guess.” Which is only partly true.

Peridot's dad narrows his gaze, but keeps his mouth shut.

 _Yup_ , Lapis thinks. _Great start._

“Let's sit.” Peridot exclaims a little shrilly, her voice bordering on the highest octave. She turns around and makes her way back to their table. The others follow suit, with her parents lagging detachedly behind, looking around with their pinched noses and pursed lips. Lapis doesn't know what to think. Are they happy at all that they're seeing their daughter again?

Lapis has to do something. To steer the conversation someplace _decent,_ at the very least.

As they're sitting, Lapis notices the little necklace dangling from Ygritte's thin, veiny neck. It's the only thing along her body that resembles sentimentality, because the other jewelry donned across her wrists and ears—like her giant looping earrings and shiny silver bracelets—all seem too superficial, too _simple_ , to symbolize anything at all. That's it. Lapis has to talk about that! She narrows her eyes, squinting into her skin, before she recognizes the name engraved over the top of the band.

_Bambi._

Is that a brand?

It sure sounds like a brand. Or maybe it's some symbol for Bambi the deer. Which... wouldn't make sense, but it could be something deeper! Like—Like a reference to a doe. Ygritte could like deers. That could be it.

“Do you like deers, Ms. Dashmond?” Lapis blurts out, flushing.

She can see Peridot staring at her gawkily from her peripheral vision, her jaw hanging slack against her pale, shiny face.

Ygritte narrows her eyes, her thin, arched eyebrow raised in a demeaning manner. “Deers?”

Lapis tries to catch her breath. But _damn_ , this place is really hot. Or maybe it's just her. Maybe it's this situation. “Your, um, your necklace—” Her gaze flints down to her neck. “It says Bambi, I just assumed—”

She just barely catches Peridot groaning softly from beside her.

Ygritte's eyes snap up to meet hers. “Bambi?” She laughs curtly. Shortly. Meanly. It makes the hairs on Lapis's skin stand on edge. “Bambi is—”

“—My name.” Peridot's dad interjects, his voice sharp and unrelenting. He tilts his head slightly, his monotonous eyes unamused and annoyed. “Bambi is my name.”

Lapis blinks. “Oh,” She whispers breathlessly.

_Fuck._

_Me._

“I'm—I'm so sorry, I didn't think—”

A man sweeps in, dressed in a cute little uniform with a blue bowtie and white dress shirt. He bows once before introducing himself as their waiter for the night. Lapis has never been so relieved in her entire life. She catches her breath, fingers curled maniacally around each other above her lap, as her gaze scans through the menu in search of a dish. She better choose quick or Peridot's parents are gonna hate her even fucking more.

“I'll get the French salad hamburgers,” Bambi murmurs.

“And I'll get the blue cheese appetizer with a side of potato, thank you.” Ygritte says.

French salad hamburgers? Blue cheese appetizer? What the heck? Even Lapis's mom has enough decency to munch on an _actual_ meal during dinner. She swallows, staring down at the menu in deep thought, before Peridot's voice rips her from her own mind. “You wanna split a pasta?”

Lapis looks up, blinking. “Yes,” She whispers. Oh God, she is so thankful Peridot doesn't hate her right now. After all the embarrassing shit she's said—

“Is fettuccine carbonara good?” Peridot asks, her voice tiny, and her smile light. Her face is—Her face is radiant. Lapis doesn't know how she does it. She always somehow manages to dazzle the _hell_ out of her.

Lapis nods. “Absolutely.”

Peridot's smile widens, before she turns back to the idle waiter. “We'll have a fettuccine carbonara.” She says.

Ygritte immediately sizes her daughter up. “Carbonara? Peridot, you _know_ how unhealthy that is.”

“And the carbs.” Bambi murmurs, shaking his head.

“It's _distasteful_ , Peridot.”

Hold up. Isn't Ygritte eating blue fucking cheese? Isn't that even weirder?

“ _Mom_ ,” Peridot murmurs through gritted teeth, glaring weakly at the taller, looming form before quickly looking away.

Huh. Lapis is kinda getting the impression that Peridot is unbelievably afraid of her parents here. Afraid and... maybe even a little self-conscious of them.

It's as if—as if she _reveres_ them or something...

“So, fettuccine or...?” The waiter clears his throat, and it's obvious he senses the tension just as much as everybody else does, but he's forced to bear with it, because he's getting fucking paid to do this. Lapis, on the other hand, has no obligation other than the obvious fact that _she's in love with Peridot and wants her family to like her_.

That's a lot harder to walk away from.

“Yes.” Lapis mumbles, glancing at Peridot before whipping her gaze back to the waiter. “One fettuccine carbonara please.”

“Awesome, and the drinks?”

“Just water is fine.” Peridot mumbles, her eyes drawn downwards.

The waiter nods, before saying, “I'll be back shortly with your drinks!” And then he leaves. And it's quiet and awkward and horrible again.

Bambi breaks the silence with a slow, unsettling sigh. “Peridot,” He starts, letting his gaze drill uncomfortably on Peridot's shrinking form before settling on the shiny plates set fancily along the table. “I've been receiving numerous shipment orders signed under your name.”

Peridot pales. “That's—That's for my cafe, Dad. I told you I needed to borrow a bit of money from the account to pay for the new computers. I'll pay you back in like a month, I swear.”

But Bambi doesn't look convinced. He sighs, looking away uninterestedly, before gesturing to Ygritte. “Your mother could've handled that.”

“No,” Ygritte glares at him, her voice like venom. “Her damn business is _your_ responsibility, Bambi. I've never supported it and I never will.”

“I've never supported it either, Ygritte.”

“But you signed the papers! The lease for that building is under _your_ name!”

“ _Lower_ your voice, Ygritte.”

“Don't tell me to lower my voice, you pompous fool!”

Lapis gapes, her heart racing in her chest. What the hell is going on?

Peridot pushes herself forward, her arms stretched before her in an attempt to calm the situation down. Her face is so frantic. Lapis feels so sorry for her. “Mom, dad, _please_ ,” She looks around awkwardly, teeth gritted so tightly the force might shatter them all in a second. “We don't—We don't need to do this here, okay?”

Lapis bites her tongue, nodding. _Please._

Ygritte throws her ex-husband a scorching look, before turning away with her arms crossed. Bambi, in turn, breathes out a sigh and leans lazily against the back of his chair. Jesus Christ, this feels like a rom-com movie, and Lapis and Peridot are the fucking butt of the joke!

The waiter comes back with their drinks, and soon, their food as well. They dig in, albeit a little grumpily (especially Peridot's parents, who look like they're about done with literally everything that is life), and Peridot's mood gradually lifts the more she eats. This place has pretty solid reception! The staff's always there ready to respond to your every beck and call, and the food's more than satisfying. Their fettuccine carbonara is—Well, it's pretty fucking great. Peridot and Lapis had to argue on who'd get to have the last spoon. In the end, Lapis relented and gave it to Peridot. Because she fucking _loves_ her. A whole lot more than she loves the fettuccine carbonara.

Peridot wipes her mouth with a napkin, her gaze casually flickering upwards at her parents who haven't said a word since the food arrived. She shuts her eyes, takes a breath, looks away, her voice betrays her face. “How was the flight, mom? Dad?”

Bambi stares at her and shrugs, looking down at his watch. He doesn't respond, so Ygritte takes the reigns. “Bumpy and unpleasant.” She sighs. “I feel like society is slowly deteriorating within our grasps. Whatever happened to the old professionals? People who actually _knew_ what they were doing?” She turns her gaze on Peridot at this, her eyes narrowed, lips pursed downwards. “That's why you should go back to college, Peridot. Study something worth your time. Law. Medicine. Physics. Engineering. You have the capability to do great things and you squander it all on an empty shot lot filled with dusty computers that rot your brain with mechanical nonsense.”

Peridot hesitates. Her mom has touched a nerve.

Lapis doesn't know what she should do, all she _can_ do is stare animatedly along as her voice tries its best to crawl its way back up her throat.

“Mom, it isn't—it isn't _nonsense_ , I'm making a living here.”

“ _Really_?” Ygritte's voice goes cold with detestation and disgust. Lapis has never seen a parent so shameful before in her entire life.

Instinctively, she reaches out to wrap a protective arm around Peridot's shoulder. Ygritte and Bambi don't seem to appreciate the gesture, and yeah, it's a little unnerving to be on the receiving end of their blank, hateful stares, but she's not letting them tear Peridot apart like this. These are her _parents_. They need to love her for who she is.

“Peridot's cafe is doing really well.” Lapis blurts. She clamps her lips shut, before hesitantly continuing, “And she enjoys doing it. She's doing what she _loves_. I think—I think you should be proud that she's doing something she enjoys as opposed to something she has no interest in learning.”

“Interest?” Ygritte interjects spitefully. She laughs as if it's the silliest thing she's ever heard. “What she's _interested_ in doesn't matter to me. What _matters_ is that she starts actually earning a goddamn _living_.” Ygritte then turns her hateful gaze on her own daughter, and for the first time in her life, Lapis sees Peridot shrink away so painfully, her entire form becomes this little thing that can't be touched or reached, ashamed, embarrassed—hurt. “Your cyber cafe _isn't_ helping you make a living, Peridot. You're constantly calling your father up for money, loans, you come to me when you're in a financial pit. This _isn't_ the way you should be living.”

“Mom—” Peridot bites on her lip, fighting back tears.

What the fuck?

What're they doing?!

“Stop.” Lapis murmurs, looking up at Ygritte weakly. “Please stop.”

Bambi narrows his eyes at her, his face grim with distaste, and says, “And the fact that you have a _girl_ friend.”

“Oh, _don't_ even get me started on that.” Ygritte spits cruelly.

“We raised you _better_ than this.”

Lapis's eyes flash with anger.

_That's it._

_This is way too fucking far._

“Are you two seriously condescending enough to completely dismiss your own child's happiness?!” Lapis's voice rises like a warning bell, shrill and uneasy and angry, and though she knows she's only poking a sleeping beast here, she can't help it. They shouldn't be treating Peridot like this, no matter how bad her situation is. “Peridot just wanted to have a _nice_ dinner with her parents, not—not _this_.”

Peridot tugs on Lapis's shirt, struggling. “Lapis, don't—”

“I'm sorry, Ms. Lebedev.” Bambi murmurs coldly. “I'm not too sure what gave you the right to criticize _us_ of our parental abilities.”

“What do you even work as?” Ygritte asks.

Lapis glares at them. “I'm a bartender—”

“A _bartender_?” Bambi scoffs. “Of course.”

Ygritte even has the audacity to roll her eyes. “Why did I expect nothing better?”

Lapis works her jaw. “Ex—Excuse me?”

“A bartender is even worse than a cyber cafe owner.” Bambi retorts, his voice thick with spite and detestation. “You make money by selling alcohol, meeting slimy old geezers and producing mass products of blind ignorance and motif that continues to drive the young people mad with delusions.” He shakes his head and laughs. “It's exceptional—the ability of your generation to find new ways to kill yourselves.”

Peridot's face burns. “Dad, that's not—”

Ygritte scoffs. “It's absurd that you expect us to accept this, Peridot.” She looks away, her face tight and unhappy, eyes darting across the various rows of people, as if searching for some path to escape. “I will not sit here and be reminded of my _failure_.”

Her _failure_.

She's talking about Peridot.

She had just called Peridot a _failure_.

To her _face_.

Lapis grits her teeth. She can't stand it. Her insides are boiling. Everything around her melts away in a vision of red, and before she knows it, she's standing up, her fists clenched at her sides, face burning, eyes narrowed, teeth clenched. She opens her mouth, and she speaks with a voice she has only ever heard once in her entire life, “Your daughter is _twice_ the woman you will _ever_ be. She is kinda and compassionate and loving and understanding—She has been through a lot and she's—she's still standing. She's still _here_. And _maybe_ she needs a little help financially right now because she's kind of struggling to get through a little speed bump, and yeah, maybe it's a little disappointing that she didn't turn out the way you wanted her to. But my _dad_ didn't even get to see me succeed, and if you continue treating her like this, if you continue creating this hole between yourselves and her and tearing your relationship apart, then you're gonna miss out on the moment she accomplishes _crazy_ things. You're gonna miss out on _her_. If you can't even see that, then that's your loss. Because you've been blessed with someone _amazing_ here.” She holds her breath, heart hammering in her chest. “I don't—I don't have to explain my situation to you. But at least try to understand hers.”

Bambi and Ygritte look mortified. Appalled. Completely and utterly speechless. But most of all, more than all the rest, shiny and real and true, they look almost—

— _sad_.

Lapis doesn't know what to do. She had just exploded in front of Peridot's parents. In front of the entire cafe.

Silence falls on them like a cloud. Until it clings onto their clothing, dragging and whispering in their ears, screaming—silence has never been so loud before.

But then Peridot's standing beside her, her face shadowed, eyes drawn, and before she knows it, her fingers are wrapped tightly around her wrist, and she's being dragged away from the dinner-table, pulled towards the exit as Peridot races out with her feet barely touching the ground. They run fast and they run loud, stomping through the streets, weaving through the various people until they get about a block away. Peridot stops, pressing a hand against a nearby wall to steady her ragged breathing.

Lapis is heaving too, but a lot less than Peridot is. She reaches up to wipe the sweat from her brow before taking a tentative step forward. “Peridot?” She whispers, biting her lip.

Had she make a mistake?

Is this Peridot's way of bringing her to some secluded area so that she can scream at her and get angry and tell her off?

Peridot doesn't turn around her a long time. She remains planted against the wall, breathing heavily, her chest expanding and recoiling as seconds tick by on an imaginary clock, until finally, slowly, she peels herself away, taking a shaky step backwards and whirling around. Lapis grits her teeth. She prepares herself for the barrage of insults, for the anger, for the screaming—but it never comes. Peridot's body is suddenly against hers, fingers gripping the front of her shirt desperately, holding onto her, pulling her in. Peridot buries her face in her chest and groans.

“Lapis, I—” She speaks through the cloth, making her voice muffled and unclear, but Lapis can hear her anyways. “I'm so sorry.”

Lapis furrows her brows, confused. “W-What?” She looks down at her shaking form, wrapping her arms around her body and holding her close. “Peridot, why're you apologizing?”

After a long moment, the blonde finally pulls her head away from her chest. She looks up at her girlfriend with a frown and sighs. “Because my parents are horrible. And I knew that,” She bites her lip. “But I brought you anyways... Because I thought maybe, just maybe, this time it'll be different.”

“Peridot...” Lapis's eyes soften. “You don't have to apologize for all the shit they put you through. That's _their_ faults.”

Peridot chuckles lightly. “Oh, I'm used to it. They're always like that. I just—I just let them get under my skin, I let them get me all flustered and unnerved and afraid, because _you_ were there.” She shakes her head, refusing to look into her eyes. “I didn't want you to see that side of my family. Of—“ She furrows her brows. “—Of _me._ ”

Lapis opens her mouth, before clamping it shut. She doesn't know what to do. Peridot is so precious. It's like she has to be protected. With a gentle smile, she leans in to kiss her lightly on the forehead. “Peridot, you are nothing like your parents.”

Peridot chuckles. “God, I hope so.”

“Trust me.” Lapis winks. “It's coming from a certified bartender.”

Peridot's face flushes with shame. “Oh my God, I'm so sorry about everything they said about bartenders and—”

“Peri,” Lapis giggles, kissing her again. “Don't worry about it. It doesn't bother me. I _like_ what I'm doing.” She pauses, before cheekily adding, “And _who_ I'm doing.”

“Oh God.” Peridot rolls her eyes, laughing. She waits a beat, staring sadly down at her hands, watching the way they grasp pathetically at Lapis's shirt, watching the way they shake. “I hate them so much for tonight.” She looks away and sighs. “I think—I think I'll head home first.” She bites her lip. “Just for tonight.”

Lapis opens her mouth to interject but Peridot quickly cuts her off.

“I need to be alone right now, Lapis. I need to think about all the shit they've said, to cool down, all that stuff.” She laughs, shaking her head. “I wouldn't be very fun to be with after what happened anyways.”

Lapis narrows her gaze and pulls her close. “It doesn't matter, Peridot. I wanna be _here_ for you. I'm always here for you.”

Peridot looks up at her. “I know,” She pauses, biting her lip. “I just—I just need to do this, okay?”

And then she steps out of her arms.

And suddenly, it's like there's this loss of heat and Lapis doesn't know if she can take it. She opens her mouth to tell her off, to complain, to scream that she'll chase her down and drag her to her place if she has to. But then this look—this single, momentary look—crosses Peridot's features and shuts Lapis up.

Lapis doesn't know how to explain it.

It's as if Peridot's begging her not to follow.

“I'll call you tomorrow, okay?”

Lapis sucks in a breath. Holds it. “Yeah.”

“Goodnight.”

“Good—” Lapis swallows. “Goodnight.”

And just like that, Peridot whirls around and leaves, her footsteps light on the gravel floor, her arms wrapped apprehensively around herself. It's the first time she's looked so defenseless. So upset.

Lapis looks around, confused, unsure—but one thing she knows for definite certain.

She's gonna make it up to Peridot.

She's gonna make it better.

That, she swears, she will do.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not a very long chapter, I'm afraid. :c 
> 
> But. BUT. I can tell you guys one thing.  
> The next chapter's gonna be bad.  
> And when I mean bad, I mean good.  
> Because.  
> Drama.  
> And lots of it. 
> 
> Sorry I didn't post last week! Soccer season's started so I'm gone most of the day on Sundays, so now I gotta get my writing done on Saturday, which is usually my relax and kick back and hang out with people day wahaha. Quarter's ending next week though! So I got a little break! Which means I'll probably be able to get the next chapter done by Sunday so, hopefully, no more skipping weeks! Ok bye bye, thanks guys!!


	17. Plus One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy :D

Lapis bought two fresh loaves of bread, spaghetti sticks, tomato sauce in a jar, and a stack of water spinach wrapped in a plastic cover. A customer looked at her funny when she spent a minute too long staring at a suspicious box of scented... _chapsticks,_ but being overtly curious about the weirdest shit ever has always been one of Lapis's unshakable traits. She carried the groceries down to her bike, fastened them appropriately over one end and blasted down the street in the direction of Peridot's tiny one-bedroom apartment. She texted Thunk last time to make sure things were perfect. He was gonna spend the day at his friend's and Peridot was gonna be alone for a few long hours. At least, until Lapis surprises her with a bag of uncooked spaghetti.

After what happened last night with her parents... Peridot's been distant. Her texts have become shallow and awkward, her voice melancholy and detached on the phone. Lapis has never heard her so depressed before in her life. And she wants to make it up to her.

She gets to her apartment in less than 20 minutes, parking herself in front of her front door with the plastic bag hanging over one arm. She takes a breath, nods, and knocks.

A muffled voice on the other side wafts through the door between them. “Who is it?”

Lapis clears her throat. “The delivery man.”

Silence.

“I didn't order any delivery.”

Lapis bites her lip. “But I have the receipt right here.”

She hears footsteps. A grunt. And then somebody presses themselves against the wood on the other end. “... Lapis?”

“N-No,” Lapis splutters.

The door swings open. And Peridot appears wearing nothing but joggers and a sports bra. She blinks at her, confused, and Lapis narrows her eyes at the sweat dripping down her face and neck.

“Are you—” Lapis pauses, contemplating her words. She peers inside. “Is there somebody here?”

“What?!” Peridot laughs, shaking her head. “No, Lapis, geez. I've been doing _yoga_. Not having sex.”

Lapis raises an amused eyebrow. “ _Yoga_? Why is this the first I'm hearing of this?”

Peridot shrugs, stepping aside to let her girlfriend in. “Because I don't do it much. I haven't done it in months. But it's always helped me... relieve stress, you know?” She looks around the apartment, gulping down at the mess she and Thunk have left behind, before turning back to Lapis. “You should've called.”

Lapis clicks her tongue as Peridot closes the door. “Well, it wouldn't be much of a _surprise_ then, would it?”

Peridot smiles, before leaning in to kiss her quickly on the cheek. “What're you doing here anyways?”

Lapis chuckles. “What, I can't check up on my girlfriend after she's been sending me bad vibes all morning?”

Peridot blushes, looking away sheepishly. “I haven't been...” She pauses. Obviously, whatever she was going to say a second ago was going to be an absolute lie, so she backtracks and says, “Okay, well, I've been trying to rectify that. Hence,” She gestures to the little green yoga mat laid out flimsily on the ground. “The yoga.”

Lapis eyes it for a moment. “It sure is tiny.”

“I will _punch_ you.”

Giggling, Lapis sets the plastic bag of groceries atop the kitchen counter before making her way towards the stove. “So,” She announces, bending over to get a better look at how it works (keep in mind she has never touched the stove in her own apartment before). “I'm gonna cook you somethin'. Spaghetti. It's gonna be great.”

Peridot stares at her as if she's crazy, even though a hint of a grin is tugging playfully at the edges of her mouth. “I'm sorry,” She murmurs, taking a step forward towards her. “You cook?”

Lapis laughs weakly. “Nope!”

“You are going to burn my apartment down,” Peridot muses, wrapping an arm around Lapis's waist and pulling her in. The taller girl laughs in response, and soon their lips are connected, kissing heatedly at the center of her kitchen.

When they pull away, Lapis sticks her tongue out and says, “Ew, you stink.”

“I'm _sweating_!” Peridot exclaims, laughing.

“Yeah, exactly! Take a shower!”

“You're horrible.”

“And I want you clean and fresh so I can kiss every exposed part of your body without tasting salt everywhere!”

Peridot makes a face, slapping Lapis against the side of her arm before taking a cheeky step back. She turns around, chuckling, and grabs the yoga mat. “Don't start until I'm done!” She orders, shooting Lapis a look from over her shoulder. “I'll take like 10 minutes! Wait for me!”

Lapis grins. “I'll try!”

“I mean it, Lapis!”

“I know!” Lapis laughs, watching Peridot race frantically into her room.

Peridot keeps true to her word. She finishes her shower in under 10 minutes. Meanwhile, Lapis occupies herself by cleaning up a bit of the mess in the living room, throwing little empty plastic bags and discarded yoghurt cups into the trash and piling the dirty laundry on one side of the room instead of keeping them littered all across the floor. She stacks the XBox and PS4 games next to the TV and curls the wires around the back so that nobody will trip over them on their way to the other end of the room. She grabs the pillows on the ground and carelessly tosses them back onto the couch, and she rearranges the little bobbleheads on top of the table beside the window, organizing them by height.

With a breath, she straightens and shoves her hands into her pants.

“Wow,” A voice behind her muses, playful and appreciative. “So there _was_ a reason your place was so damn neat.”

Lapis turns around and grins. “So I have a _little_ bit of OCD.” She shrugs. “Runs in the family, I guess.”

Peridot giggles, stepping forward in a plain black T-shirt with the words _Certified Overwatcher_ printed over the front and tight navy shorts. She has a towel around her shoulders, and her hair is dripping wet over it. It's crazy how beautiful Lapis thinks she is, despite it all. It's crazy how happy Lapis is with the fact that Peridot is _hers_.

“Thank you.” Peridot murmurs, smiling genuinely. “The—The mess never would've been cleaned otherwise. Thunk's a slob and I—” She laughs. “I can't be bothered to give a shit.”

Lapis laughs and steps forward. “That's why I'm here, babe.” She leans in to kiss her quickly on the lips. “Mmmm,” She murmurs. “Minty fresh.”

Peridot giggles, kissing her again. “I love you.”

“I love you more.”

Peridot's just about to retaliate, to say that that's not true (as she always does) and that Peridot most definitely loves Lapis more, but Lapis won't have it, so she shuts her up by kissing her again. When she pulls away, she laughs and says, “So, dinner?”

Peridot blinks, her cheeks rosy flushed. “O-Oh,” She looks away shyly and nods. “Yeah.”

A-ha, argument forgotten! Lapis gets the point!

“C'mere!” Peridot chirps happily, skipping her way to the stove. “We'll do it together!”

Aw, she's so adorable! Lapis's heart is breaking just at the sight of her!!

Lapis slithers her way behind her (like some retarded snake) before wrapping her arms around her waist and breathing into her neck. “Mmmhm,” She murmurs, nodding thoughtlessly.

Peridot shivers, laughing. “Lapis, it's—it's kinda hard to cook like this.”

“Is it?” Lapis kisses her neck tenderly. “Didn't notice.”

Peridot shuts her eyes. She breathes out a short gasp, before arching her back and burying her fingers into Lapis's mess of blue hair. “I hate you.” She whispers, moaning. “Stop it, Lapis, we have to cook.”

Lapis laughs, tracing her lips up a curved line over her jaw. “Sure doesn't sound like you want me to stop.”

Peridot sighs. “No,” She murmurs. “I desperately want you to _fuck_ me—” Sweet baby Jesus, way to turn a girl on. “—but you brought groceries. And I'm actually really hungry.” With a light chuckle, she flips herself around and presses her lips needily against Lapis's. “So stop teasing, Lazuli. Own up to that spaghetti promise.”

Lapis laughs, pulling away. “My, my, Ms. Guntherson.” She presses her palm against Peridot's soft cheek and smiles. “I sure found myself one hell of a woman.”

Peridot's eyes soften. “I can say the same, Ms. Lebedev.”

“Nuh-uh,” She leans in and kisses her forehead. “That's Mrs. Guntherson 2.0 to you.”

“2.0?!” Peridot bursts out laughing. “Okay, it's gonna be hella confusing with two Mrs. Guntherson's, but I don't think a '2.0' is gonna cut it in paper.”

Lapis grins. “And why the hell not? I've seen people with weirder names. Like Blanket. And Poison Ivy. And Saint West!”

“Okay, first of all,” Peridot says, raising a slim finger. “It's Blue Ivy, not Poison Ivy, you idiot.” Lapis giggles. “And secondly, Saint West is a pretty hella cool name.” Lapis's giggles morph into a full-blown guffaw. “Stop it! And thirdly—Lapis, stop laughing! _Thirdly_ , none of those names have numbers in em'! 2.0 is a lot weirder than Blue Ivy and Saint West!”

“You didn't say anything about Blanket though.”

“Cause Blanket is _hella_ weird!”

Lapis bends over laughing even harder until Peridot eventually joins in. They press themselves against the counter, trying to contain their excitement, their sounds, when Peridot finally manages to get a grip over herself and say, “Lapis, it's already 4! _Start cooking_!”

“What do you mean?!” Lapis exclaims in between bouts of laughter. “What time do you eat dinner?!”

Peridot says, “7, but you _are_ aware that the best pasta sauce is simmered and cooked for about 2 to 4 hours, right?”

Lapis stares at her, the corners of her ears tearing up from laughing so hard, before straightening her back and saying, “I had no idea.”

Peridot clicks her tongue. “You're hopeless.”

“That's why I have you!”

Laughing, Peridot grabs the plastic bag of groceries before laying them all out on the counter, reaching for the jar of sauce and preparing a pot above the stove. “Alright,” She says before hurling her towel onto the sofa a few feet away. “C'mere and I'll tell you what to do.”

Lapis smiles, waddling her way over to her girlfriend's side. She watches her intensely, sheepishly, awkwardly, interestedly, until the sauce is all but cooking heatedly inside the boiling pot. She's been given the task to stir. So she does. Every 10 to 15 minutes she gives the mixture a good stir. But she isn't used to this kind of manual labor so about 50 minutes in, she starts complaining to Peridot that her arm is aching. Peridot tells her to suck it up and stop being such a pussy. Because Peridot is mean. And Lapis is a secret masochist who enjoys being told off by her overwhelmingly adorable girlfriend.

“Do I get a kiss if I continue?” Lapis purrs, smiling affectionately.

Peridot only laughs. “In your dreams.”

“Ouch!” Lapis cringes. “My tender heart.”

“Keep stirring!” Peridot says.

And so Lapis does. She stirs until her right arm is numb and her left starts spasming. Okay, exaggeration. But _still._ Peridot chops the vegetable and prepares the spaghetti noodles, but accidentally spills water all over the ground and has to bend over to clean it up. Lapis laughs at her, and ends up almost dropping the entire pot of spaghetti sauce all over Peridot's hunched form.

“Lapis!” Peridot cries, straightening. “Watch the pot!”

Lapis makes a face. “I am!”

“You got sauce in my hair!”

“It _washes_ off!”

Peridot laughs. Once. “Would you like sauce in your hair?!”

So then Peridot grabs a spoonful of sauce and flings it at Lapis, who gasps, screams, and then chases after her with both hands extended. Peridot shrieks, racing around her little apartment room trying to avoid Lapis's grabby hands.

“You're gonna make me fall!” Peridot exclaims.

Lapis's eyes darken. _“Good._ ”

Peridot looks horrified. “You're insane!”

Lapis hops over the couch and catches Peridot before she can escape again. But they end up spilling the chopped vegetables all over the ground. The _carpeted_ ground. Lapis tumbles over Peridot's tiny body, laughing and giggling and choking on her own saliva, while the littler girl is trying her best to maintain a sane balance between having a good time and worrying about all her fallen vegetable pieces.

“Goddammit!” Peridot cries. “Lapis, look what you've done!”

Lapis props herself up. “Excuse me, Ms. Guntherson! Who was the one who threw spaghetti sauce in my hair?”

Peridot sticks her tongue out.

And Lapis leans in and captures it in her mouth.

The blonde moans against her lips, pulling her closer, the two rolling around raw cubes of celery and garlic, until Lapis pulls away laughing. “Should we make love in a field of cabbage?” Except she says cabbage as “ke-baj”, like some weirdo.

Peridot furrows her brows. “You are so weird.”

“Hell yeah, baby.” Lapis kisses her again, and Peridot lets her.

“Okay,” Peridot giggles. “I'm pretty sure I'm gonna have to take another shower again later. But I mean, not that I mind or anything...” She grins wickedly. “This time... You can join me.”

Lapis blinks. “Dear God,” She whispers. “I have fallen in love with the devil. She is compelling me to sin.”

“Fuck you.”

“Please do.”

Peridot laughs. “Oh, I will.”

Lapis grins as wide as the moon, before pulling herself up. “Okay, back to cooking.”

“Uh-huh, sure,” Peridot says, getting up. “And who's fault was it that we stopped in the first place?”

Lapis snorts. “Yours, obviously.”

Peridot rolls her eyes, dusting her shirt off. “Get to stirring, you clod.”

“Got it, dork.” Lapis mock-salutes, and Peridot hits her, making her laugh.

They finally finish cooking at around 6:45. Right in time for dinner. Lapis sets the plates and Peridot pours them each a little bowl of the sauce, along with the spaghetti noodles and vegetables. They settle down at the couch, pressed together digging hungrily into their meals.

“This is actually really good.” Lapis says, taking another big bite.

Peridot smiles at her, astonished. “Yeah,” She laughs. “Surprisingly.”

Lapis shoots her a look. “Surprisingly?! Peri, did you doubt my cooking abilities?”

“Doubt it? Lapis, I was downright afraid of it.” Lapis opens her mouth to interject but Peridot immediately says, “ _But_ you did a wonderful job, baby.”

Lapis narrows her eyes, lips pursed. After a moment, she chuckles and says, “I'll forgive you only cause you called me baby.”

Peridot laughs. “Fine with me!”

Two minutes later, somebody knocks on the door. Lapis props herself up, brows furrowed. She thought she had told Thunk to give them the day. Peridot seems to be thinking the same thing, because she's staring wide-eyed at the door, confused, unsure. She places her bowl down and attempts to get up, but Lapis immediately stops her.

“I'll do it.” She tells her, kissing her quickly on the cheek.

So Lapis gets up and walks to the door. With a hand dug into her pocket, she grabs the doorknob with the other and pulls it open.

She... hadn't expected to see the woman standing on the other side.

“Lapis.” The woman whispers, her eyes wide with dread, teeth clenched in horror, face pale with fear.

Lapis can only stare back at her with mixed confusion and disbelief. “... Amethyst?”

The shorter girl works her jaw, speechless. “I was, um—” She looks inside, directly at Peridot, before snapping her gaze back up at Lapis. “I didn't expect to see... I mean—I was—”

Peridot is beside her in a second. “Amethyst,” She whispers, looking at her with an expression Lapis has never seen before. An expression that is neither reassuring nor comforting. “Now—Now is not the best time.”

“Right,” Amethyst laughs falsely, before taking a hesitant step backwards. “Of course. I'll just come some other time. Sorry for interrupting your—” She hesitates, before whirling around. “I'll just go.”

But Lapis is confused. And Lapis is irritated. And Lapis is afraid. So she does what she always does when she's experiencing a mixture of those three emotions—she reacts. Like a nuclear bomb. Explosive.

“Wait!” She yells out, taking a step forward into the corridor of the apartment building. Peridot is staring at her as if she's completely lost her marbles. And maybe she has. But she _has_ to know. “Amethyst, why don't you come in?” She glances at Peridot, her face a mask of false joy. “We made spaghetti. You could have some.”

Peridot swallows. Loudly. “I don't—I don't think that's the greatest idea.” She tugs on Lapis's shirt helplessly. “Lapis, I thought we were spending the day together—”

“Sure,” Lapis says. “But I mean, there's gotta be a reason Amethyst is here, right?”

See, there were certain things about her that drove Pearl absolutely _insane_ back when she and Lapis were still dating. Lapis had always been known to react really _badly_ when faced with emotional turmoil. Like right now. Confusion and anger and frustration and fear mixed together causes Lapis to spasm out of control. She acts different compared to how she's actually feeling. She acts as if it's alright. She acts as if everything is fine. That screws shit up. And Pearl _hated_ it whenever Lapis would act that way.

Now Peridot is witnessing it first-hand.

Lapis's raw explosion. Her _happy-anger_ , as Pearl would like to call it.

“Um,” Amethyst shoots Peridot a withering look. “It's cool. I just thought she'd be alone. I'll come back another time.”

Lapis turns to face her, her expression as fake as her upbeat, melodious voice. “What do you mean? You got something to say to her that you can't say in front of me?” And then Lapis laughs, waving it off as some random joke. But they all fucking know that that was no dumb joke.

“ _Lapis_.” Peridot whispers, her tugging becoming urgent.

But Lapis is angry. Why the _fuck_ is Amethyst here? “Come in, Amethyst.”

“N-No, it's okay, I really gotta bounce—”

“But you literally just got here.”

“Lapis,” Peridot hisses, narrowing her gaze.

Lapis takes one good look at Peridot—one full, mesmerizing look at her—before turning back to Amethyst, taking a slow breath, and saying, “You're right. You should go.”

A look of absolute horror crosses Amethyst's face before she immediately whirls around and speed-walks the rest of the way to the elevator. Lapis turns back to Peridot, her expression stoic and unemotional, eyes blank and detached, before forcing them both inside and slamming the door behind her. The air is suffocating, silent, the words drowned, forgotten. Lapis doesn't know what to feel. But she does know that she's angry. And Lapis does bad things when she's angry.

“Okay,” She whispers, her voice bordering on deranged. She tips her chin up, just slightly, but the blinds are drawn, the curtains are down, and the room is filled with lingering shadows, darkening the atmosphere, casting shadows across Lapis's expressionless face. She speaks softly, timidly, angrily. “So you and Amethyst know each other?”

Peridot looks around, her breathing slow, but uneven. Lapis can instantly tell. She's nervous. “Y-Yeah, kinda—”

“Just don't lie to me, Peridot. Tell me the truth.”

“I _am_ , Lapis. I _do_ know her—”

“How?”

Peridot tenses. She looks down at her feet. “We were—” She swallows. “We were college classmates. Before I dropped out. We both took freshman English 101.”

Lapis stares at her. “That's it?”

But Peridot wouldn't look up at her. “No.”

“So?”

“Look, I didn't wanna tell you cause of what she and Pearl did after you two broke up! I figured you disliked her enough, I didn't wanna add to that hate—”

“Peridot. Just tell me what the _fuck_ you're talking about.”

Peridot works her jaw, speechless. She's finally looking at her. But God, Lapis sure wishes she wasn't. Because that look in her eye—that guilty, gut-wrenching look of regret... “We dated.” She whispers. “For a while. But it—it was a _long_ time ago, okay?”

Lapis blinks. She tilts her head unconsciously to one side. “So all this time, all this time you've been keeping this from me—”

“No!” Peridot shakes her head. “God, I didn't even know it was the same Amethyst! We lost contact _months_ ago. We don't even talk anymore! So whenever you or your friends would mention her name, I'd think, 'Oh, it can't possibly be the _same_ Amethyst! How small can this world be! There must be at least another million Amethyst's out there!' So I didn't—I _really_ didn't expect it. But that night, at Pearl's gallery, when I saw her—”

“You looked like you saw a ghost.” Lapis whispers unexpectedly. She stares down at the floor, her expression breaking, her heart hammering. “You saw _her_ ghost.”

Peridot's voice wafts in the air around her, but it sounds a million miles away. “Lapis, please—”

“How did you not realize it sooner?”

“What? Lapis, she was never there when I was! She left the day I arrived on the ski trip! She was absent the night we went out during Martin Luther Jr. Day. And when you were in the hospital—”

“Fucking _hell_.” Lapis laughs spitefully. “The world sure does like fucking me over.”

Peridot's expression darkens. “What?” She takes a moment, digesting her words, before saying, “Lapis, how does this change anything? I—I get it, I screwed up. I should've told you before you found out. I was just—I didn't wanna put you through any more drama! You've been through enough!”

“So you decide to _keep_ it from me?!” The fact that this sounds unbelievably similar to her argument with Jasper doesn't at all escape her, but at this moment of rash irrationality, she doesn't give a flying _fuck_.

“For a while, yeah!” Peridot practically shrieks. “Because it doesn't really even matter that much anymore, Lapis! She and I were over _years_ ago! We don't even _talk_ anymore!”

“You could've told me—”

“I was _going_ to. I just didn't expect her to show up tonight! I thought—”

“You thought what? That you could have more time?!”

Peridot steps back in disbelief. “Holy _shit_ ,” She laughs. “You are acting so fucking irrational right now.”

Lapis's eyes blaze up in fury. “ _I'm_ acting irrational? Peridot, your fucking ex—the woman who is now dating _my_ ex—had just shown up at your doorstep hoping to talk to you _alone_. After _months_ of trying to accept the fact that she's currently dating the woman that I was in love with for _three_ years, I find out she had dated the woman I'm in love with now _too_?” Lapis takes a deep breath, before bursting out in hysterical laughing. Then stopping. Then glaring at Peridot. “If this is irrational, then sanity must be pretty—fucking—unreachable at this point.”

Peridot looks speechless, horrified, frustrated—she doesn't know what else to say, so she shakes her head and turns away instead. “This is so stupid.”

“Excuse me?”

“ _This_ , Lapis. This whole thing!” Peridot groans, burying her face in her hand. “Why is it so hard to just fucking be with you?!”

Lapis pulls away, shocked. She searches her surroundings for stability, but her fingers can only grasp clumsily at the wooden door behind her before her legs almost give way. She takes a short breath, gritting her teeth together—God, is she pissed. She doesn't think she's been this pissed in a while. She could beat the living _shit_ out of a punching bag right now. “Sorry I'm such a burden.” She growls spitefully. “Maybe you should've thought twice before committing to me after all.”

Peridot glares at her. “Don't turn this around on me, Lapis. I'm not the one who has a grudge against almost every other person in this whole fucking city!”

“Fuck you!” Lapis screams. “Fuck you and your perfect relationships! Fuck you and your attitude!” She takes a step forward and pulls the door open with her. “I'm done.”

“Lapis!” Peridot growls, reaching out to grab her wrist. “Don't you _dare_ walk away from this!”

But Lapis is so angry. She's starting to see imaginary shit in the midst of her irritation. When she feels Peridot's fingers closing in on her skin, she immediately rips her arms away. “I said I'm _done_!”

“Why're you so _immature_?! Why can't we just _talk_ about this?!”

“About what?!” Lapis practically screams. “About the fact that you kept your ex-girlfriend, who is currently dating _my_ ex-girlfriend, a secret from me?!”

“It _wasn't_ a big deal!”

“Maybe not to you.” Lapis bites her lip. “But it hurts a hella lot from where I'm standing. Because I seriously thought we were over all of this. Yeah, it would've hurt if you told me sooner, yeah, I would've freaked a little. But—finding this out on my own? Seeing _Amethyst_ at your fucking doorsteps?” She breathes out slowly, deeply, condescendingly. “I am _not_ okay with this.”

Peridot clenches her jaw, angry. “You are seriously going to walk away from me after everything that's happened today? Just—Just because of _her_?”

And there are connotations to that word. _Her_. It means Amethyst, obviously. But it also means Pearl. Amethyst is dating Pearl. That's the main reason Lapis doesn't like Amethyst. To add to the hate, Amethyst has dated _Peridot_ as well. Yeah, it pisses her off, but the truth is, the root, the origin of all this spite and anger... That's from _Pearl._

Lapis knows that.

Lapis also knows that Peridot is still incredibly hurt because of her parents.

Lapis knows that she was supposed to _make_ Peridot's day today, not ruin it.

She knows Peridot never meant to hurt her.

She knows Peridot loves her.

She knows she feels the same way.

But Lapis never thought she'd feel this pain again. Especially not because of _Peridot,_ the woman she'd give up everything for. And sometimes, pain makes you forget everything else. With one final, cruel smile, Lapis turns towards the corridor and makes her way to the elevator. Once she's inside, she hears Peridot slamming the door behind her. The hallway echoes with the remains of their argument, loud and ringing in her ear. Her heartbeat is quick, tense, and her hands are still quivering silently by her sides. The entire ride down, all she can think is this,

 _She said she loved me will she stay she said she loved me will she stay she said she loved me will she stay_.

* * *

 

When Lapis gets home, it's a quarter past 8. She took a little detour down Smiths road and stopped by the little gym tucked in between two apartment buildings. Her friend helped her in. And she spent a whole hour beating herself up to exhaustion by releasing her pent-up anger and frustration on one of the old punching bags in the back. Each jab intensified the bruises on her knuckles, cut her breathing short, stretched the sides of her body in an uncomfortable way. But the relief, the adrenaline, that she gets with each fast swing is worth it.

She dumps her keys and wallet and phone on the living room table before taking a quick shower and jumping into bed. Just as she's about to knock out, however, she remembers that she left the living room light on. So she gets up, groaning, complaining to herself, before waddling over to the open expanse. She notices something, by the corner of her eye. Tiny and white and folded. She hadn't seen it before, because she was too busy with the fact that her body was crying out in glorious exhaustion. But now that she's actually looking, she can _see_ it.

She approaches the table, gaze narrowed, before picking up the little envelope with its fancy little paper. She carelessly tears through the envelope like some kid on Christmas day before lifting the card up to the light.

_You are cordially invited to the wedding of Mr. Steven Universe and Ms. Connie Mahaswaren._

_Please specify favored dish: Fish / Chicken / Beef._

_Please specify if you'll be bringing a plus one: Yes / No._

_Please RSVP by January 15 th!_

“Plus one, huh?” She whispers, turning the card over slightly to watch the top go blind with light. With a breath, she lowers the card and places it gently against the table, before slowly shuffling back to bed.

As she buries herself underneath the covers, all she can think about is Peridot's face brimming with anger, and the darkness of the room closing in on them like a demon. The last time she saw somebody's face go hard with irritation like that, Pearl had just _dumped_ her.

Plus one.

Lapis stiffens, her body curling around itself as she tries her hardest to fall asleep.

_Am I even gonna have a plus one?_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TOLD YOU THERE'LL BE DRAMA. 
> 
> So it's 1:25 AM and I should be sleeping. And I will sleep. Right after I post this. 
> 
> Thanks again to everyone who commented last chapter and who're still following this story!! Is been great fun reading yer reactions, mates. See y'all next week!!! <3


	18. Communication is Key

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just an afterthought: Lapis's reaction to what happened last chapter is actually... what I would've done. I'm not saying it's normal or that it's okay, but... I sure as hell sympathize ^^; (that probably makes me a bad person. /cries)

_You are acting so fucking irrational right now._

_This is so stupid._

_Why is it so hard to just fucking be with you?!_

Look, it goes without saying that Lapis has had bad experiences in the past with long-term relationships. It goes without saying that she's absolute shit at dealing with emotional turmoil. It also goes without saying that... Right now, despite everything that's happened, she is still in a very fragile state of distrust and disbelief. It's safe to say that her reaction to everything was, more or less, expected, if not completely justified. It's—It's not easy to suppress this level of... insecurity, okay? Amethyst is dating the woman who dumped her after three years of being in love. And she used to date the woman she's now trying desperately to be with too. Do you not see how shitty this makes her feel?

Is Amethyst just _better_ than her?

Okay, so it's a lot of self-pettiness as well. But it's also—it sucks, okay? It hurts and it sucks. Lapis doesn't know how to deal with that. She's 23, she's a grown woman! She should get over this stupid high-school stuff. But it isn't that easy. Because—Because how can she stand being in a room with all her friends knowing Amethyst has either dated or is currently dating two of the women she most loved in her _life?_

“Why am I like this?” She mumbles to thin air, sighing.

_Why're you so immature?_

“Immature,” Lapis repeats, spitting the word out like poison, before taking a quick swig of the beer in her hand. She sighs, dropping the bottle back down. “I'll tell you when I figure it out.”

She checks the time on her phone.

It's almost 4. She should leave now.

With another—very heavy—sigh, she pulls herself off the glossy black chair and straightens, running her fingers through her messy bush of blue hair. She finishes the rest of her beer before dumping it into the trash can. She grabs her keys, wallet, phone, and walks out the door, locking it behind her. The ride to her bar is fast and effortless, but after her motorcycle accident, she's been a lot more careful, a lot more alert. Now every-time a vehicle threatens to invade her personal space, she either weaves into a different lane or slows down.

She gets to Aqua Glass in about 12 minutes. Her friend is already waiting for her when she arrives.

“Hey,” She says, waving. “Sorry. Got here as fast as I could.”

“No worries,” Her friend murmurs. “I was only here for a few minutes.”

Lapis nods. “Good. How're you?”

But the woman seems less than pleased at the idle chit-chat. “Lapis,” She says, sighing. “It's like a hundred degrees today and we're standing outside of your bar as if you _don't_ have the keys to let us in.” She laughs. “You didn't call me up just to make me stand outside and sweat, did you?”

Lapis smiles, shaking her head. “While it is common knowledge that I enjoy the sight of Pearl Wright drenched in disgusting sweat, no, I did not call you here to make you stand outside and sweat.”

“Could've fooled me.” Pearl muses.

Lapis laughs, stepping forward to unlock the door. She clicks the lock open and pushes it aside, allowing Pearl to step in first.

“So,” Pearl says slowly, taking a seat in front of the bar. “Why'd you wanna meet? I mean, not that I'm complaining or anything but... I hardly doubt I was your first choice.”

Lapis spends a few minutes making sure everything is in place—bar lights turned on, tables properly arranged, seats set below them, arcade games plugged. “Well,” She mumbles, looking around one final time before nodding. “Jasper's in Boston doing some intense training with a pro trainer and Steven's hella busy planning the wedding and all so,” She turns to Pearl, smiling sheepishly. “I—I kinda had no one else to turn to.”

Pearl chuckles. “Ah, I was the last resort.”

“I didn't mean it like that!”

“I know, Lapis!” Pearl says, laughing. “I'm just kidding.”

Lapis scratches the back of her neck awkwardly, before walking over to the inside of the bar. She grabs a few bottles of beer from the freezer and places them on the countertop. “Want one?”

Pearl stares at it for a moment, then shrugs. “Only if I'm gonna be here for a while.”

Lapis laughs. “Who knows?” She runs her fingers through her hair. “I'm in one hell of a predicament.”

“Sounds messy. Classic Lapis Lazuli.”

“Oh, fuck you,” Lapis laughs. “I never asked for this shit, okay?”

Pearl rolls her eyes. “Yeah, but you somehow manage to attract it _all_ the time. I swear to God, you're like the main character of some TV show. Everything's always going wrong and you're always saying the wrong things.”

Lapis shakes her head, her teeth gritted together in a mean smile. “You sure know how to make a girl feel better about herself.”

Pearl smiles softly, reaching out to pat Lapis tenderly on the cheek. “I'm just saying it how it is, Lapis. You said once that you've always liked how honest I was.”

“Must've either been drunk or crazily in love with you.” Lapis pauses, then says, “Or both.”

Pearl grins. “We said some pretty hardcore things.”

“Yeah,” Lapis chuckles. “I'm pretty sure I swore my entire soul to you once.”

“More than once.”

“True.”

“I got you a promise ring for our second anniversary.”

“And I _still_ have it,” Lapis bites her lip, hesitating. “... Somewhere.”

Pearl laughs. “Asshole!”

Lapis playfully flips her off. “I wasn't the one who threw away all our old Polaroid pictures!”

“They were _painful_ reminders, Lapis!” Pearl exclaims.

“Yeah, yeah,” Lapis leans against the counter, searching, before reaching for her beer and taking a deep swig. “So, um, speaking of painful reminders...”

“Ah,” Pearl gets comfortable in her seat. She takes a swig of her beer as well. “And the story commences...”

Lapis laughs softly, staring down at her open palm. She clenches it tight before breathing out a shallow sigh. “Look, it's—I don't know if you knew but—” She looks up. “Amethyst is Peridot's _ex_.”

Pearl blinks. She opens her mouth, closes it, stares at Lapis, before finally saying, “Oh.”

Lapis narrows her gaze. She waits, but Pearl says nothing more. “Oh?” She shakes her head. “That's all you're gonna say?”

Pearl breathes out a deep sigh. “Okay, so it's a little weird how small this fucking world is, and yeah, I'm a little taken aback right now.” She shakes her head. “Amethyst never told me. But we haven't talked in a while. I'm busy with my dancing and she just got a new job offer at California, so she's been trying to deal with that.”

“A job offer?” Lapis repeats, pulling away. “Wow.”

“Yeah,” Pearl laughs and says, “That's why she was always missing on our get-together's. Back at the ski trip, she had to leave early because she had an interview in LA the next day. My family helped set it up. She was really grateful so she put a lot of effort into it. In the end, they wanted her on-board. That's why she couldn't make it to Martin Luther Jr. Day either. She scheduled a meeting with them over Skype.” She sighs, her brows furrowed. “How'd you find out?”

“She arrived at Peridot's doorsteps last night.” Lapis says. “Unexpectedly. She was hoping to talk to Peridot alone.”

“To warn her off?” Pearl whispers, glancing up at Lapis quickly before drawing her gaze down. “To tell her to not tell anyone about their relationship, maybe?”

Lapis nods. “Yeah, that's what I was thinking.”

“How'd you react?”

Lapis hesitates. “Badly.”

“Let me guess,” Pearl offers a sympathetic smile. “Happy-anger?”

Lapis laughs pathetically, pressing her forehead against the heel of her palm. She takes a few short breaths before pulling away and taking another heavy swig of her beer. “Am I that predictable?”

“Nah. It's just cause I was in love with you for three whole years.”

Lapis stares at her for a moment. “Pearl,” She whispers, sighing. “I don't know what to do. I completely... combusted. We had this huge argument. We haven't talked since and—”

“When did this happen?” Pearl asks, interrupting her.

“Last night.”

“Oh, still fresh.”

“ _Super_ fresh.”

Pearl sighs sadly, reaching out to cup Lapis's right hand. She gives it a tiny squeeze before pulling away. There's a short pause, habited only by a pregnant silence and some awkward tension, before Pearl finally says, “How do you feel about this?”

Lapis chews on her knuckles. Pearl's always been a great listener. Back when they were still together, Lapis would have _constant_ rant sessions, continuous, relentless, like an automatic firearm just continuously firing, and Pearl would sit there, taking it all in, listening, nodding, comforting—Pearl was great at that. Lapis laughs, pulling away quickly before grabbing another two bottles of beer from the freezer. “How do you think I feel?” She asks, placing them down. “I'm—I'm really fucking insecure.”

“Well, you shouldn't be.” Pearl says. “Peridot's with _you_ , not her.”

Lapis stares at her. “I know that. That's not the problem.”

A pause.

Lapis works her jaw. “The problem is that... Peridot didn't _tell_ me about her. It would've been—I don't know— _simple_ , if she'd just... _told_ me that, oh, _by the way_ , Amethyst and I know each other. Right off the bat. Direct. Straight-forward. Simple.” She sighs, looking away. “I mean, she _always_ says how she hates it when people beat around the bush. She wants things said as they are. So then... Why did she keep this from me for so long? Why couldn't she just _tell_ me?”

Pearl watches her, lips pursed, eyes narrowed, before looking down at the bottle in her hands and saying, “So you think she still has feelings for her?”

“What?” Lapis flushes. “No.” She winces. “I mean—I don't—I don't _think_ so.”

A pause.

And then Lapis timidly looks up. “What if she does...?”

Pearl clicks her tongue. “Then I'm gonna have to up my game as Amethyst's girlfriend. We're both in for some severe competition.”

Lapis rolls her eyes. “Not funny, Pearl. I'm serious.”

“Well, you shouldn't be! Because it's ridiculous!” Pearl scoffs, crossing her arms over her chest. “There are a thousand other reasons why Peridot would keep it from you. Her still having feelings for Amethyst is only a slim chance. You shouldn't jump to conclusions.”

Lapis shrugs flimsily, staring down at the floor. “I'm just worried.”

“Don't be.”

Lapis looks up. “Pearl?”

Pearl just barely glances at her. “What?”

“... Are you worried too?”

Pearl tenses, just slightly, her eyes drilling holes into the countertop, before she calmly, slowly, raises her gaze up to meet Lapis's. “No.”

“Stop lying.” Lapis murmurs.

So Pearl growls. “I _trust_ her, Lapis.”

“But you're still worried.” Lapis leans in, pinching her forefinger and thumb in the air. “Just a little bit?”

“Okay, so it concerns me a little that Amethyst had failed to mention her previous relations with Peridot to me. _And_ that Peridot seems to be acting strangely about the whole ordeal. But that doesn't—that doesn't mean they still have anything going on.” Pearl looks away, slightly disheveled. “I _trust_ her, Lapis. I swear, I—” She bites her lip. “I _trust_ her.”

Lapis knows she's crossed the line.

“You're right,” She says, pushing herself off the counter and raising her hands in front of her. “I—I was out of line. It's obvious she loves you and only you, Pearl. I know that.”

Pearl glances at her. “Lapis—”

“I just don't know what to think anymore.”

Pearl slowly sighs, letting her gaze drift casually across Lapis's uncertain expression. She looks away, then back at her again. With a shrug, she lifts her bottle to her lips and drinks. When she's done, she says, “I think you should just talk to her.”

Lapis blinks. “To who?”

“To Amethyst.” Pearl furrows her brows. “Get the story straight. Find out why she was there. Find out how deep their previous relationship actually was. Get to the source of the problem and _solve_ it.”

Lapis crosses her arms awkwardly over her chest. “So... You think it's just that easy?”

Pearl rolls her eyes. “You over-complicate things, Lapis. Communication is the only thing that matters in a relationship. Communication and trust.” She takes another sip. “You, of all people, should know that.”

Lapis winces, just slightly, before drawing away from the counter. She leans against the sink, her eyes boring holes into the ground below her feet. Simple or not, this plan sure beats brooding about it like some jealous, angry teenager. It's a step forward. It's progress. Lapis knows she has to do it.

She takes a breath, looks up.

“Where does Amethyst live?”

Pearl shoots her a lop-sided grin, before placing the bottle back on the counter. “I'll text you her address.”

A pause.

Lapis chews on her lip. “Hey Pearl?”

“Hm?”

“Thanks.”

Pearl stares at her for a moment, her pale blue eyes a mix of shock and amusement, before they settle for charming appreciation. With a smile, she laughs, and turns back to her phone. “Don't thank me yet, love. Your problem might just be beginning.”

* * *

 

Amethyst lives all the way on the other side of the city. She's the only one, apart from Steven's dad, who isn't situated within their immediate area. Lapis has to drive about half an hour to get to her apartment (even with shortcuts and, occasional, “speeding”). When she does, she parks her car outside and walks into the building, following the directions Pearl had sent to her an hour ago back in her bar. They're pretty straight-forward, though Pearl sure likes to over-embellish her words a lot. She's a scholar but boy, does she abuse her powers.

She gets to the 20th floor, walks down the hallway to room 210 and stops. For a while, she just stands there, blinking at the door, wondering what the hell she's supposed to say. She's never been close with Amethyst. When they met her for the first time, it was cool and completely out-of-nowhere and it stuck for the night, especially since they were all at a concert and the atmosphere certainly made the situation less awkward. But after that, Lapis and her barely talked at all. Amethyst was closest to Ruby. Then Lapis and Pearl broke up. And Lapis found out that Pearl had started dating Amethyst just one and a half month later. Things started spiraling downwards after that.

So, yeah, it's safe to say that they aren't exactly in the greatest point of their relationship to be doing this kind of confrontation right now but... Pearl was right. Communication is key. Lapis sighs, dipping her head back in an attempt to calm her rapping heartbeat, before raising her fist and knocking.

She waits.

And waits.

And waits.

Crap, is Amethyst even home?

Did Lapis bother to even check? She drove all the way out here! And for what?!

But then she hears something. It's barely a sniffle, but she catches it. Leaning into the door, she presses her ear against the wood and knocks again.

And then somebody yells, “Coming, coming!”

Lapis's heart jumps to her throat.

It's Amethyst.

She pulls herself away just as the door swings open. And behind it stands a short women cladded in a heavy black bathrobe, her purple-dyed hair tied up into a loose bun, pierced eyebrow cocked upwards in confusion, one hip jutted out, lips pursed. Lapis hates to admit it, but Amethyst is attractive. No wonder Pearl went after her. She's always had a soft spot for... _rebels_.

Amethyst takes one look at Lapis, and instantly her expression breaks into one of panic. “Lapis.” She splutters, flushing. “I, uh,” She looks around nervously. “What're you doing here?”

Lapis blinks. What _is_ she doing here? “Is this a bad time?”

Amethyst laughs, shaking her head. “No. Well, I mean, I just got out of the shower, so I'm kinda butt-naked here. It's just that—I dunno. This is really random. How'd you even know where I lived?”

“Pearl.” Lapis says simply, before shrugging her leather jacket further up her shoulders. “Listen, I, uh, I'm sorry I interrupted your shower. I just—” She bites her lip. “I think we should talk.”

Amethyst hesitates. “About what?”

Lapis holds her gaze. “Peridot.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“I'm guessing you already know?”

Lapis shrugs. “Kinda had to wrestle it out of her.”

Amethyst laughs shortly, before pausing to shift from one foot to the other. “You, uh, wanna come in?”

Lapis smiles stupidly. “Sure.”

Amethyst lets her in, tells her to make herself at home and sit wherever she wants to, before quickly excusing herself to change into some decent clothing. Lapis settles for the couch at the center of the room. Amethyst's apartment, much like Peridot's, is small and cosy. It's messy as hell too. But the floors are carpeted, the décor is fancy and it smells a hella lot better than Peridot's does. Well, it smells like food. Which is good. So it's obvious that Amethyst is a little better off financial-wise than Peridot is. Which makes Lapis worried.

Peridot brought up the subject of her cyber cafe's overpriced lot again last week. And Lapis has been trying to find some way to help her out of it. She's offered lending her money, but Peridot wouldn't hear of it, and she _definitely_ didn't want Lapis to pitch in her cash selflessly without thought of getting it back. So Peridot shut the topic down completely, telling her that she'll handle it by herself.

With a sigh, she twists her fingers together.

Amethyst comes back only minutes later, dressed in a baggy oversized T-shirt and shorts. She seats herself on the rug opposite Lapis, before gesturing to the pitcher of water at the center of the table between them. “Water?”

Lapis smiles. “It's fine,” She clears her throat. “I just—I don't wanna overstay my welcome. I just came to talk.”

Amethyst nods nervously. “Right.”

A pause.

Peridot may not be known to beat around the bush, but Lapis is exceptional at pointless small-talk. _Especially_ when she's nervous as hell. “So, um, Pearl told me about your new job.” She smiles tightly. “How's that going for you?”

Amethyst stares at her, dumbfounded for a good moment or two, before she nods her head and says, “Oh, it's—it's great, yeah. I'm—I'm really glad they took me in.”

“What... kind of field are you in exactly?”

“Culinary. _Well_ , I mean, business culinary. I'm a manager so I handle the agencies and stuff.”

_A manager. Wow. She's really up there, isn't she?_

“That's—That's amazing.” Lapis forces out.

Amethyst offers a tiny smile. “Thanks.”

But all idle chit-chat eventually die down. Lapis stares at the back of her hand in horror; she knows what she has to do. It's time to talk about the reason she's here.

“Why—Um,” Lapis clears her throat. “Why were you at Peridot's yesterday?”

Amethyst shifts in her seat, her expression tense. “It was unplanned. She didn't even know I was coming.” She sighs. “When we saw each other again at Pearl's gallery thing, we blew it off, pretended it wasn't happening. We didn't even talk about it, didn't have time to accidentally bump into each other or anything, so the whole thing kinda slid away. But then yesterday at breakfast, Pearl mentioned her. And—And I kinda panicked. I remembered that she's the _same_ Peridot from college, and I just—I knew I had to do something.” She shrugs. “So I went to see her.”

“To do what exactly?” Lapis barely gets the words out of her.

Amethyst stares at her hands for a moment, before bringing her gaze up. “I was gonna talk to her. Catch up, I guess. I thought we could—I dunno, come to an agreement about how we were gonna play this whole thing. I wasn't sure if she wanted everyone to know about our past relationship, so I figured that it was the smartest decision to just... talk it out.”

 _Like what we're doing right now._ Lapis thinks, blinking. _Once again, everybody else knows what's up except poor ol' Lapis Lazuli._

Amethyst hesitates. “I just—I didn't think about what would happen if you were there...” She laughs awkwardly. “Was kinda stupid, wasn't it?”

Lapis shakes her head. “On the contrary, you were real wise.”

“What?”

“Nothing.” Lapis chuckles, leaning back into the sofa. “So... How long did you guys date? Back when, y'know, you guys were still in college?”

Amethyst blinks. “Oh, uh,” She shrugs. “I mean, I wouldn't exactly call it... _dating_ , per se.”

Lapis stares at her. “What do you mean?”

Amethyst fiddles with the hem of her shirt for a moment, before saying, “Look, our relationship was really whimsical, you know what I mean? Neither of us meant to start it. It just did. Then it ended, and it was cool. We didn't see each other for a while after that, but... that was okay.” She sighs. “To be honest, the whole thing was just really physical. It wasn't emotional or anything. We just... liked each other's company.”

Lapis can hardly believe it. She opens her mouth, closes it. After a moment, she finally says, “You two were fuck buddies.”

Amethyst grins sheepishly. “Only for a while.” She scratches the back of her neck awkwardly. “It stopped when I started seeing this other girl.”

“So—So wait, _you_ ended it?”

Amethyst nods. “Yeah.”

Lapis holds her breath. “And Peridot was fine with that?”

Amethyst squirms uncomfortable, her gaze unfocused and narrow. “Well—” She shrugs. “She wasn't completely fine with it at first. She told me later on that she—she was _confused_. She said she wasn't happy. She said—” Amethyst refuses to look Lapis in the eye. “—that she had started to like me. Emotionally.”

 _Oh no_.

“But we talked it out! And it ended fine. It was such a long time ago and we haven't even spoken since.”

_Peridot liked Amethyst._

_Emotionally._

“I mean, I _seriously_ didn't expect to see her that night at Pearl's gallery but—”

_Shit._

“—we live in a hella small world, don't we?”

Lapis looks up. Her insides are too cold. She doesn't know what to say. She's working her jaw, but nothing's coming out.

Amethyst is staring at the ground. After what feels like forever, she speaks up. “Listen,” She says. “Peridot came here this morning. I don't know if she told you, or if she's meaning to tell you, but I kinda need to get this off my chest.”

_Peridot—Peridot came here?_

Fear strikes Lapis blind.

_She didn't tell you._

“We just talked. Talked about everything. Sorted things out. She's fine with telling people. So am I. So—So we're gonna tell the group sometime this week. I mean, it's not that big a deal, right? It was such a long time ago.” Amethyst says with a light chuckle. But Lapis is deranged, and the only thing she can think about is Amethyst and Peridot sitting together in her little living room apartment, huddled together with a blanket wrapped around their bodies, foreheads touching, eyes shut, fingers searching—

Jesus.

“I have to go.” Lapis blurts, standing up. She knocks her knee against the end of the coffee table in the process, but she suppresses her pain with a tight hiss and a nod. “Thanks. For, um, talking with me.”

Amethyst makes a face, pulling herself onto her feet. “O-Of course. Anytime, Lapis—”

“I'll see you around.” Lapis says.

Amethyst smiles nervously. “Yeah, see you.”

With a final nod, Lapis makes her way towards the door and out into the hallway. Her knee is throbbing and her insides are ice, but she forces herself onwards, hurling herself into the elevator just in time for the doors to close together behind her. She leans against the back wall, eyes shut, breathing ragged, before taking a deep breath and holding it.

There are so many things going on in her mind. She doesn't even know what to think of anymore.

Peridot and Amethyst were fuck buddies, but Peridot developed feelings for her along the way. They didn't pursue it. And this morning, Peridot came to see Amethyst alone. The pieces are loose, unraveled, but the agenda is there. It may not seem like much but the evidence is _real_.

Lapis thought coming here would help her move on, get over this whole situation, but this—this is so much worse. She knows better than to start doubting her girlfriend, especially after everything they've been through. But sometimes, a blast from the past can make someone rethink their recent choices. And Lapis is terrified.

Does Peridot—Does Peridot still have _feelings_ for Amethyst?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aye, another short chapter. But rest assured, next will probably be a lot longer. Got a shitstorm of things planned out. And by that, I mean like some sort of road-trip. So road-trips and tension equals drama. So stick around for that!
> 
> Thanks for all yer support, guys!! Again, it means the WORLD to me! ^^ <3


	19. Fifty-Fifty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *EDIT: The Italics is wonky, I don't know what the hell happened cause it looks fine on odt. I'm working on it manually, so it's gonna take..... a few hours. But until then, I hope y'all don't mind settling for wonky text :\ I'm really sorry.*  
> *SECOND EDIT: I FIXED IT. Took me hella long and god, my pinky hurts from tapping backspace so much but here it is!! Yayayayay*
> 
> To make up for my absence (that was way longer than I intended it to be), I made this chapter especially long. I had to split it up into two parts. So I hope ya guys enjoy!
> 
> There’s gonna be a few Russian sentences here, but please be informed, I have NO idea how to speak Russian, so google translate was my friend. It’s probably grammatically incorrect (painfully so) so don’t judge me ah! Also, the translations will be in the End Notes. They’re not major things, so you don’t have to scroll all the way down to read what they mean if you don’t want to. You can save em’ for after the chapter. But yup!
> 
> Woo enjoy!!

**Part I**

 

Lapis Lazuli Lebedev may be a crooked, hypocritical, unfair sexist with an unintentional passion for attracting the shittiest drama ever known to humankind, but she's also—most times—sometimes—a good friend. So when she promised to throw her best friend Steven Universe an extravagant bachelor's party six months ago before all the drama in her life combusted into one giant shit pile, she _meant_ that promise. She's pull out all the stops, she spared no expense—now it's a week before Steven's wedding, and he and his grooms-women are all going on a road-trip to Georgia for _the_ best night of all their sad, deprived lives.

Despite everything else, Lapis is _still_ a good best-woman.

“Steven, do you have any male friends at all?” Jasper muses as she heaves a few heavy overnight bags into the back of the van.

Steven, in turn, throws her a look. “70% of my co-workers at the fire department are men!”

“And yet,” Lapis adds, chuckling. “You have only groomswomen.”

Steven stares at them. “Do you _not_ want to be? There's still time to change that!”

“Hell no! I planned this whole party for you.” Lapis says. “Besides, who else knows about all your embarrassing little slips but us?”

Steven rolls his eyes and makes his way towards the front seat of the van. “Embarrassing slips, huh? Like what, exactly?”

Ruby pops her head out from inside the van. “You don't wanna know.” She says, laughing.

And scarily enough, Steven doesn't doubt her.

They all pack up into the van, with Lapis taking the wheel, Steven sitting shotgun, and Ruby and Jasper in the back seat lounging with both legs up against the window. Lapis whirls around to shoot her a snarl.

“When I said 'get comfortable', I didn't mean take up the whole damn back seat. We still have to pick Peridot up, you know.”

Ruby's eyebrows shoot up to her hairline. “Peridot's one of your groomsmen?”

“Groomswomen.” Jasper corrects casually, earning a sharp glare from Ruby.

Steven shrugs. “She feels more comfortable with us than with Connie's bridesmaids.”

Jasper instinctively turns to shoot Lapis a look. Because ever since Jasper's gotten with Eyeball, their relationship has gotten progressively better. No more awkward tension every time Lapis brings Peridot up or whenever Jasper makes a suggestive comment about their relationship. Now Lapis even _tells_ her when she's having problems with their short, triangular-haired mutual companion. Including her current predicament. The one involving a certain also-short purple-haired Latina.

Jasper raises an interested eyebrow, but Lapis, who has yet to come to terms with the fact that she and Peridot are actually _fighting_ (the first fight in their relationship, in a few years Lapis'll be laughing about this but for now she's downright depressed at the very thought), merely shakes her head and turns around in response.

“So,” Steven says, breaking through the awkward silence with a clap of his hands. “Where are we picking her up? Her place? Or—”

“She's at Cyber Marine.” Lapis responds, pulling the car out of the driveway. “Could you text her and tell her we're about 10 minutes away? 15 if the traffic's bad.”

Steven nods, picking Lapis's phone out from the cupholder.

She glances at him from the corner of her eye and tenses. “No! Not my phone!” She stutters, coloring. “Use your phone. Please.”

Steven stares at her like she's crazy. “This—This isn't because of your _fight_ , is it?”

Lapis sighs. “We haven't texted since that night.”

“You are being—” Steven works his jaw, searching for the right phrase. “—very, very, _very... sensitive_ about this.”

Lapis turns to glare at him. “I'm not being sensitive. I'm just—”

“—Too proud.” Jasper says, cutting her off as she pokes her head in between the two front seats. “You don't wanna be the first to break the silence. To _text_. Classic douche move.”

“Excuse me?” Lapis scoffs. “I'll show you a douche move, _Sokolov_.”

“Calm down!” Ruby exclaims, staring at the two in exasperation. “Jasper, stop provoking her, and Lapis—Look, I get it. I get what it's like to have this strain in your relationship and to not want to be the first to accept defeat.” She sighs. “But you have to realize that in most cases, pride is the reason relationships end up dying.”

Lapis blinks, unnerved. She can hardly believe Ruby used that word.

 _Dying_.

How morbid.

“Take it from the relationship expert.” Steven murmurs, jabbing his thumb towards the back seat.

Jasper chuckles. “And what about you? You're getting _married_ in three weeks. Shouldn't you be an expert now too?”

“Nah, black belt's gonna be given out on my wedding day, so for now, I'm still a pupil.”

“You two are idiots.” Lapis whispers, just loud enough to catch. “Have you texted Peridot?”

Steven nods. “Done and dusted.”

“Has she replied?”

Steven glances at his phone for a moment, before shaking his head. “It says read though.”

Jasper snickers. “Story of Lapis's life.”

“Fuck _you_ , Sokolov!”

Jasper reaches over to smack Lapis across the head, and Lapis, annoyed and getting increasingly frustrated, slams her foot against the brake so hard that everybody in the car lurches forward, including Jasper, who ends up smashing her nose against Lapis's outstretched elbow.

“Fuck, that hurt!”

“Serves you fucking right, you giant asshole!”

Ruby groans, sinking further into the back seat with her arm draped lazily over her eyes. “This—” She murmurs in a low moan. “—is going to be a _long_ ride.”

* * *

 

Peridot sits in between Jasper and Ruby, settling semi-comfortably with her giant bag hunched over her lap, her face fixed into a nonchalant, almost impossibly monotonous, expression, her little form tense, her bright green eyes dazzlingly wide. It's the first time she and Lapis have seen each other since the big fight. Neither are willing to even look at each other, much less _talk_ to each other. It's an unbelievably immature situation, given the circumstances, but for some bizarre reason, neither want to be the first to relent.

It's a complex thing.

Lapis doesn't know why she even volunteered to drive. She'd much rather be snoozing her eyes off—like the rest of her friends are—as opposed to mindlessly gazing off into the empty country road as the only other person _awake_ in the car—aka Peridot—does the absolute same thing. Explosions happen when you leave two ignited spark plugs alone in a deoxygenated room. Lapis thinks about her chances of surviving the blow... and she doesn't like her odds.

Her gaze flickers down to her phone, where she casually wonders if she could somehow get away with using her earphones for the entirety of the drive. She'd always separated herself from the world by submerging herself in loud music... It would help with the tension if she could just _disconnect_. Unfortunately, Peridot notices her staring, mistakes it for something else, and clears her throat.

“Eyes on the road please.”

Lapis tenses. Those are the first words Peridot's said to her since their fight. The first words. They're supposed to be pretty momentous, right?

 _Eyes on the road please_.

Lapis breathes out a shallow sigh. “As momentous as it'll get,” She mumbles.

Peridot squints. “What?”

“What?”

“You said something.”

Lapis shakes her head. “No, I didn't.”

Peridot stares at her for a long moment before begrudgingly looking away. She adjusts her position, trying her hardest to settle in her seat. It isn't easy trying to get comfortable when you're sandwiched between two hunkering boxers. But she's doing her best. After a moment, she lets out a sigh and asks, “So, why Georgia anyways?”

It isn't the most interesting of questions, but they've gotta start _somewhere_ , right?

Lapis swallows. “Well, contrary to misinformed media,” She says. “Georgia's actually a whole lot more fun than one would expect! Home to the greatest bars and parties. I'm telling you, it's _sick_.”

“Sure, and my grandma's the DJ.”

Lapis glances at her from the rear-view mirror. She clicks her tongue and shrugs. “Okay, so it _isn't_ Party Central,” She murmurs. “It wasn't my first choice, but Steven made it clear that he didn't want his bachelor's party to look like something off a Hangover movie. He likes nature, he likes friends, he likes _peace_ and _safety_. Hella boring, but I found a place in Georgia that accommodates all three.” Lapis grabs a pamphlet from inside the glove compartment and tips it over her shoulder. “Jekyll Island, the southernmost island of the Golden Isles. Pitched the idea to Steven like five months ago and he was all onboard so...”

Peridot takes the pamphlet from her fingers and breezes through the first few pages. Her eyebrows shoot up to her hairline. “Wow,” She mumbles, nodding her head in thought. “This seems like a paradise.”

“So some would say.”

“Really didn't expect this from you, I admit.”

Lapis snorts. “Yeah, well, sometimes people surprise you.”

And she really hadn't meant to make it sound so spiteful, she really hadn't even meant to impose a connotation on it... But it just happened. And as soon as Lapis realizes what she's insinuating, her gaze flickers back to the rear-view mirror, and for one intense moment, she and Peridot stare at each other as if the world is on fire and they are the only two beings capable of _seeing_. It feels like hours until Lapis finally tears her gaze away to focus on the road ahead.

Thankfully, the only thing ahead of her are some cows chewing grass and a long stretch of highway.

The tension in the car boils down to a maximum. She can still _feel_ Peridot's eyes on the back of her head. If looks could kill, Lapis would bet she'd be on the ground convulsing.

“So a bachelor's party that's only a night long?”

Lapis can hardly believe it. Peridot is actually entertaining the idea of them completely ignoring their 'big fight'. It's so out-of-character. But then again, if either of them brought it up... Who knows what'll happen?

“Steven made it clear he didn't want anything too big.”

“Steven sure has a lot of requirements.”

Lapis shrugs. “What can I say? He's a high-maintenance guy.”

Peridot chuckles slightly, her gaze set on the pamphlet in her hand. “And the bride-to-be?”

“Connie?” Lapis asks. “Well, Sapphire's set up this whole bachelorette's party for her at St. Simons Island, which is like a half an hour's drive away. We're gonna meet up tomorrow and hang as a group. But until then,” She makes a dumb gesture of pumping hands. “We party with the sea turtles.”

“I'm guessing that's figurative, considering...” Peridot laughs. Lapis's heart twists at the sound. She hadn't realized how much she had missed it. They've only been away a week and she can already feel herself suffering like an addict from withdrawal. “Well, that would make the whole 'Sea Turtle Conservative' thing a little ironic.”

Lapis forces a grin and laugh. “Yup. Totally figurative.” She fixes her grip on the steering wheel, her sweaty palms sticky and gross. “Are you gonna pass out too? It's just—um, well, everybody else did, so—”

“I had a good night's sleep. I'm good.”

 _Great_. Lapis bites her tongue. How do things get worse from here?

“Amethyst told me you visited.”

See, _that's_ how it gets worse from here.

“I hadn't realized you and Amethyst were suddenly the best of friends.” And Lapis is ignited at the very _mention_ of the shorter Latina's name, so suddenly every word out of her mouth sounds like it's soaked in chemical acid.

Peridot's expression goes sour. “Just cause we're talking again, doesn't mean—”

“When were you gonna tell me that you two were _fuck_ buddies?”

Peridot's face pales. “Excuse me?”

“What, you gonna try and deny it?”

“ _No_ , but—”

“How often do you two even talk? Everyday of every week? Every hour? Do you guys _text_ too?”

“You are—” Peridot burns with anger. “You are _so_ over-possessive and jealous. I _told_ you we dated before. I mean, _seriously_?”

Lapis breathes out a loud sigh of frustration. “Peridot, you just got back in contact with a girl you were _physically—_ and eventually, _emotionally—_ involved with in your freshman year of college. Apparently, your feelings stuck. I don't know where you two stand, and the fact that you guys are talking a whole lot more than expected is a call for some suspicion.”

“Lapis—” Peridot works her jaw, unable to find her words. “She and I go a long ways back—”

“So that gives you an excuse to go behind my back and visit her in private?”

Peridot clamps her lips together in horror.

Lapis risks a glance at the rear-view mirror, but she wishes she didn't. The sight of Peridot staring back at her in shame and revolt makes her insides twist in both guilt and fury. Peridot's ashamed for a _reason_.

“What did you expect when you went there?”

“T—To clear the air, to talk it out—”

“So you had no other alternative reason whatsoever?”

“ _Lapis_ , I was in a _relationship—_ ”

“That doesn't answer the question.”

“Are you calling me a _cheater_?”

“I'm saying,” Lapis sucks in a breath, tight in her lungs. “I'm saying you had _no_ reason to keep that shit from me unless you knew something was up. You could've been upfront with me about everything, because that's just how _you_ are. So why the _fuck_ did you _lie_?”

“I _didn't_ lie.”

“No, right, you just 'withheld the truth' or some shit—”

“ Holy _shit,_ I went over there so we could talk about what we were gonna do—”

“ And then what? You guys caught up, got all comfortable with each other,” Peridot sighs into her hands, her face a mask of frustration and anger. Lapis keeps her eyes treaded on the road, but every few seconds, she'd glance back to see just how far she'd go to hide the truth. “Don't act like you don't have _some_ kind of feelings for her. It's been ages, being back rekindles an old flame. Seeing her at your door again that night—I saw your face, Peridot. I _saw_ it. You can't expect me to not get suspicious after seeing—”

“ _Lapis_ ,” Peridot grips Lapis's seat with knuckles as white as snow, her electrifying green eyes sparking with a grit and a fury Lapis had never before seen, had never even believed possible in such a tiny form, but there it is, casting a glow on Peridot's rigid face pulled together in distaste and abhor. “If I _wanted_ to cheat on you, I would've done it _weeks_ ago.”

Now, here's the kick. That sentence can be rendered in any form with any meaning given the tone in which that sentence is said. Attitude in words is important, Lapis knows that from her AP Lit class back in high school. And the fact of the matter is, under literally _any_ other circumstances, Lapis would've chalked that sentence up to be something possibly sweet, something that tells her she's _safe_ , that she is in no danger of losing her girlfriend to anybody else. But Peridot's tone speaks otherwise. It feels so much like an threat, so much like hate, like anger, like _regret_ , that it causes her heart to drop all the way down to her gut, festering like a corpse. And suddenly her chest is hollow and her body is frozen solid.

She hears Steven mumble beside her in a voice barely audible, whispering something like, “Holy shit,” before she regains her senses, and suddenly everything comes slamming into her chest like a fucking wrecking ball and her foot goes taut against the brakes, pulling the car into an incredibly abrupt halt.

Everybody shrieks and groans, lurched out of their sleep by the sudden brake. Lapis doesn't know what to do. She stares at her hands.

And then she exits the car.

Steven watches her go, mumbling profanities underneath his breath. “Goddammit,” He murmurs, struggling to unbuckle himself from his seat. “Ruby, take the wheel. Please. I'll go get Lapis.”

“What—What happened?” Jasper groaned, rubbing a sore spot on her head.

For one transient instant, Steven and Peridot lock gazes in the rear-view mirror, and then Steven turns away and bursts through the front door. “Lapis saw something on the road, but it's probably best if Ruby and I drive the rest of the way.”

Nobody seems to believe Steven's lie, but that's probably why nobody argues. Steven looks around the vast Maryland highway, thankful that the traffic is practically non-existent at this time of the day. He looks over to where Lapis has hopped a railing and is currently trudging towards an empty field littered with cows and grazing horses, before hurriedly racing after her.

He calls out to her but she never turns back. When he finally reaches her, they're already several yards into the field, close enough to the cows to get their attention, but not enough to touch them. Steven bends over trying to catch his breath, the sun hot against his back and the wind tender against his skin. He straightens, groans, and then says, “So, can't lie. I woke up when you guys were already arguing. Heard most of what was said.”

Lapis remains silent, though her fists tighten just slightly.

“Look, there's—there's obviously more going on than just... _Amethyst_.”

Silence.

“I mean, I get it. Peridot not telling you the truth? That's—That's scary. Peridot sneaking behind your back to meet up with her ex? Tough. And I know you've always longed for someone who could empathize with the part of you that... that _wavers_. I know you've always wanted someone to get where you're coming from, to know what you're feeling. I know you've always been _sensitive_ to this kind of shit. But... I mean, Lapis, take other things into consideration here.” Steven sighs, running his fingers through his unruly black hair. “If Peridot and Amethyst really _are_ cheating with each other... That'd mean Pearl would be back on the market!”

Lapis whirls around, her expression red with disbelief. “Are you fucking kidding me—”

“I am, I am!” Steven exclaims, holding his hands up in surrender. “I'm kidding!” He places his hands on Lapis's shoulders and shakes her. “I just wanted you to turn around and talk to me.”

Lapis bites her lip. “I was so fucking ready to beat your ass.”

Steven laughs. “Come on, Lap. You and me in a fight?” He rolls his eyes. “Please.”

“You heard everything,” Lapis avoids his gaze, her hands clenching and unclenching at her sides, and says, “Did you hear what she said? She—She said—”

“I know, Lapis.”

Lapis grits her teeth together. “She said it like she meant it. Like she—Like she _really_ meant it.”

Steven breathes out a heavy sigh. “It—It was rough, I admit. That's not something that's easy to take. But, c'mon Lap,” He nudges Lapis in the shoulder. “You were kinda pushing her into it.”

Lapis waits a beat, and then shrugs weakly. “She was being so evasive. I just wanted to—” She pauses, flushing. “I don't know. Do _something_ .” She groans into her hands and backs away. “Fuck, I'm fucking ruining your bachelor's party. I'm doing that _thing_ again. I'm so sorry.”

“Hey, hey! It's fine, buddy,” Steven laughs. “I mean, it hasn't even started yet. Unless you count the car ride as part of the trip. Which I wouldn't recommend.”

Lapis glances at him from the gaps between her fingers. “You're really not pissed?”

“Pissed that you made me run all the way out here, maybe,” He grins. “But no. Now can you lug your ass back to the car so we can get to Georgia before next winter? Thanks.”

Lapis sighs, staring down at her feet. “How can you stand me?”

“With a lot of alcohol, I assure you.”

Lapis shoots him a scowl.

“I'm _kidding_.” He takes a step forward and wraps an arm around her shoulder. “Lapis, you're my best friend. You have issues. But so does the rest of the world. You stick by me when I'm pissing my pants in depression, I stick by you when you're moping about in a random field with cows.” He shrugs. “It evens out.”

“I didn't even notice the cows, to be honest.”

“I wish I could say the same about them,” Steven murmurs, glancing at the spotted animals as they edge closer towards them in curiosity, passing a chorus of moo's as if they're legitimately communicating amongst each other. He shivers. “Now are we done with this pity party? I don't want my bachelor's party to be remembered for that one time we were attacked by dairy animals.”

Lapis scoffs. “It'd be hella more memorable than the one I'd have planned out though.”

Steven rolls his eyes. “ _Still_ with the pity party!”

“I want to shoot myself in the vagina and crawl into a hole and die.”

“The vagina part was very unnecessary. But that's just you being extra, and I'm pretty used to that.” He tugs her back towards the highway, away from the staring cows. “Now, do I have to worry about you and Peridot possibly killing each other on the road?”

Lapis takes a deep breath, and then sheepishly shakes her head. “I'll keep my hands to myself.”

“I doubt that.”

Lapis actually snorts. “I fucking hate you.”

Steven bumps their hips together. “I live to please!”

* * *

 

They get to Georgia at 9 am the next day. Ruby and Steven took shifts to drive, because Jasper was a deadweight who snoozed the day away, Peridot felt uncomfortable behind somebody else's wheel, and Lapis was... Well, she had _other_ things on her mind. Driving was something she'd attempt to stay away from as long as possible. Ruby parks the car in front of the main lobby while everybody shuffles about with their bags and belongings. Lapis and Jasper head over to the receptionist's desk to grab their room _key_ (as in singular, because Jasper and Lapis _insisted_ they share a room, considering they were gonna party the night away anyways) before trudging back to them with their bags at hand.

After they've stashed all their stuff (messily) into their room, Lapis leads them down a sandy path towards the stables.

“No way,” Jasper murmurs, staring at the short blue building several feet ahead of them in amazement. “We're going horseback riding?!”

Peridot seems to pale at the thought. She clears her throat awkwardly before shuffling up next to Ruby. “Um, I'm not exactly... _amiable_ with creatures that aren't human beings,” And then she murmurs underneath her breath, “And most times, I don't even get along well with _them_.”

Ruby laughs and says, “Don't worry about it! It's super easy. Plus we're only gonna go down for a stroll.”

Lapis waits a beat, before shooting Jasper a look. “You didn't know we were gonna ride? Didn't you read the itinerary?”

Jasper shrugs. “My eyes hurt when I read shit online.”

“What a jock,” Ruby muses, causing Jasper to hunch over and slam her over the head with her open palm. “Ouch! Uncalled for!”

Jasper bares a menacing grin, but before she can continue her unhanded assault, Steven steps in between them and shoves them away from each other. “Please tell me they have an Arabian stallion. _Please_.”

“Okay,” Lapis murmurs, raising her hands in the air. “Picky much?”

Steven shakes his head in disappointment. “I've been wanting to ride one since forever!”

Lapis laughs. “Okay, are you sure you're 25? Not, like, 6 or something?”

“Try 5,” Jasper snickers.

Steven jabs her in the rib. “Some of us aren't desperate to grow up and be boring for the rest of our lives, y'know.”

Jasper rolls her eyes. “Are you calling me boring?”

“I'm calling the girl who's only had one job her entire life and gets drunk every night in the same bar boring,” Steven says. “So yeah, mainly you.”

The group bursts out laughing as Jasper smacks everybody's hands away with a sneer smeared across her face. “Ah fuck you, Universe.” She murmurs, breaking out into a grin herself.

At the stables, they're greeted by a warm, local lady. She guides them over to the horses and helps them each pick a saddle. Steven, of course, had first pick. Lapis had second, because she insisted that, since she was the one who arranged the whole trip, she be allowed the privilege as well. Jasper called bull, but Lapis was quick on her feet, so she nabbed her choice before any of them could argue. They each ride down a wide stone pathway, led by their friendly local guide, before she releases her hold on their reigns and allows them to walk freely down the trail.

“So long as you keep to the path, nothing should go wrong.” The lady says. “A few of you are experienced, yes?”

Steven nods his head enthusiastically as Ruby, Jasper and Lapis raise their hands like obedient school-children.

“Great! Just bring the horses back down this way once you hit the end of the trail.” She says, pointing down the river. “Another guide should be a few checkpoints away. If you encounter any problems, don't be afraid to give us a ring,” She motions to her phone, and then says, “But please don't yell or panic. The horses tend to get very agitated at signs of distress.”

Lapis pats her brown thoroughbred on the neck. “You and me both, buddy.”

“Thanks for the tip,” Steven says, nodding. “You've been a great help.”

The guide smiles as she bows, before waving them off. “Enjoy your ride!”

Horseback riding has always been one of the few things Lapis was good at, but never really picked up. She took classes at a young age because her father, who absolutely adored equestrian, put her into it. From there, she kinda fell into step with the rhythm. It was simple for her, almost as natural as dancing or jogging. But she hasn't seen—much less ridden—a horse in about five years. She can nudge her horse down the path, but her rhythm's rusty, and her butt's already aching after 10 minutes on her saddle. She takes a breath and looks around.

The world seems so much more beautiful when you're away from it all, surrounded by the sun and the light, bathed in the glow of new possibilities, of better beginnings.

She doesn't know what's worse. Not being able to enjoy it because of the angry stirring in her heart, or wanting to enjoy it despite that. Peridot is less than seven feet behind her and never before has she felt so far away.

Jasper, Ruby and Steven trudge ahead with Lapis trailing behind them. Peridot's at the rear. For obvious reasons. She's never ridden a horse before. After a moment, Lapis picks up the sound of soft cursing, and the slight clang of metal and some subtle sounds of struggle. She turns to look over her shoulder at the sight of Peridot adjusting herself on her saddle with a scowl, her face red and uncomfortable. Lapis feels as if she's seen this scene before... And then she remembers the day she bumped into Peridot while snowboarding.

The idiot was struggling with that too.

Lapis swallows her pride—as hard as it may be—and pulls her horse gently into a curve, making a small circle around Peridot before emerging by her side. “All good?” She murmurs.

Peridot's silent for a moment, her reddening face somehow getting even redder with Lapis standing so close to her. She shifts her position and releases a shallow sigh. “The—The stirrups, they feel—” She winces. “I don't know, one of the straps is loose or something. Plus the saddle keeps buckling, I—”

“Let me check.” Lapis says, bending down to peer closer at Peridot's worn-out burgundy saddle. “Yeah, I think I see that loose strap you were talking about.”

Peridot sighs. “Great.”

“You have the best luck,” Lapis muses. She reaches in to fiddle with the buckles, pulling a narrow strap further down the belt, causing the stirrup to get shorter. “Better?”

Peridot nods stiffly. “Yeah.”

Lapis fixes the other straps for a moment or two before pulling away and glancing up at her face. “That's, uh, that's about all I can do.”

“No, no, it's okay,” Peridot whispers, settling in a lot more comfortably than she did before. She straightens, and then pulls on the reigns (rather aggressively), causing the horse to whinny and back up in protest. She loses the reigns and almost loses her balance, but Lapis reaches out to grab her before she flips over sideways, her hand resting against her waist.

“Alright, obviously,” Lapis says, chuckling. “You're not an equestrian rider.”

Peridot laughs shakily. “It's never been one of my fondest professions.”

And after a brief moment, they both realize that Lapis's hand is still pressed firmly against Peridot's waist. The blue-haired bartender doesn't pull away immediately, and Peridot isn't entirely convinced that she even wants her to.

“Maybe—” Peridot catches her breath. “Maybe, um, maybe I need help. With... Y'know, riding and all that,” She says. “If—If you let go, I might, um... fall.”

Lapis blinks. “Right,” She mumbles, adjusting her hand so that it now lies at the small of Peridot's back, warm and inviting, familiar and enticing. “Wouldn't want that.”

Peridot blushes, more than she already is. “Thanks.”

“My pleasure.”

Their gazes lock, and the seconds boil down to years. Everything in the universe seems to slow down to a leisurely crawl, enveloping them in a world that feels neither present nor existing—the only available thing worth any tangible thought is the sight of Peridot's eyes on Lapis's. Real. Burning. _Powerful_. It feels like centuries before somebody finally snaps them out of their trance.

“Lapis! Peridot! You guys okay?”

Lapis blinks, and Peridot looks genuinely confused for a moment or two before she whips her gaze forward. “Y-Yeah!” She calls out to Steven, Jasper and Ruby, who have stopped a few feet ahead on them. “I just—I needed help with my saddle!”

The three exchange glances before turning to Lapis, who immediately pulls her hand away from Peridot's back. “Yup. All good! We'll catch up!”

Jasper and Ruby don't look convinced, but they turn around in obligation, continuing down the path with their curiosity piqued but satiated. Steven, on the other hand, lingers behind a bit. He and Lapis share a short conversation before he leaves.

_What was that?_

_What was what?_

_We are_ not _playing this game._

_Just a rupture in space and time, no biggie._

_You guys were staring at each other like nothing else existed._

Lapis takes a breath. _It_ felt _like nothing else existed._

Steven makes a face, his grip on the reigns tightening, before he nods and turns around to guide his horse back down the path. That leaves Peridot and Lapis alone once again. Lapis holds her breath, glancing back at Peridot with a cautious—almost fearful—look. Peridot seems reluctant to stare back at her, but she does risk a peep. And that's all it takes.

Reality rips at the seams.

“Put your hand back,” Peridot whispers.

Lapis holds her breath. “Okay,” And she puts her hand on the small of her back, her fingers running gently over the fabric of her orange T.

Peridot holds her gaze. “You might need to touch me a little higher,” And then she blushes. “I-I mean, higher on my back. Because—Because it might be easier to balance that way.” Which is a load of bull, but neither of them seem to be able to formulate proper thought right now anyway.

Lapis can barely work her jaw. “Okay,” She guides her hand higher up her back, stroking her spinal line with tenderness and longing. Peridot shuts her eyes and breathes out a willful sigh, making the spot between Lapis's legs tingle with anticipation.

Finally, she rests her hand on Peridot's shoulder-blade, then to her shoulder, slowly up her neck—

She cups her cheek in her hand, her fingertips shaking at the very familiarity of her warmth. Peridot presses her skin against Lapis's palm, breathing her in as if this is the last time she'd be able to. Seconds feel like hours, hours feel like years. They remain there at that spot for God-knows-how-long, relishing in the feel of a touch they believed would be lost forever.

Peridot opens her eyes, and Lapis notices that they're wet. “We should go,” She murmurs, pulling her face away. The loss of contact is dizzying. Lapis has to pull on her reigns a bit to keep from falling backwards. “Meet up with the others.”

“Yeah,” Lapis whispers. “Of course.”

With a strange look on her rosy face, Peridot hesitantly guides her horse down the path, her stance unsure and irresolute, a little shaky but rigidly straight. Lapis watches the ground for a moment, listening to the clip-clop of Peridot's horse walking up the stone walkway, trying to wrap her head around the moment that had just completely shifted the earth beneath her feet. When she looks back up, her head has stopped spinning but her heart hasn't quit pounding. She takes a deep, steadying breath before jolting her horse awake and hurrying after Peridot. She doesn't have the guts to walk by her side, so she stays behind her the rest of the ride down, neither of them talking, neither of them acknowledging that brief but painful alteration in space.

* * *

 

“Next up is... kayaking?” Steven asks, recalling the itinerary he had already read a few times before the trip.

Lapis hands her thoroughbred's reigns back to the friendly lady guide before turning towards Steven and nodding. “You up for it?”

Steven rolls his eyes. “Please,” He stretches as if to prove a point. “That ride was just a warm-up for me.”

Jasper laughs, reaching over to pummel Steven in the arm (she seems all about punching people nowadays). “You were complaining about your sore-ass that _whole_ ride back!”

“Saddles hurt your groin, no news there!”

Peridot chuckles. “Sucks that you're the only one with a penis, huh?”

Jasper and Ruby burst out laughing, throwing Steven grins that stretch from ear to ear. “Shortie's right,” Jasper says, before quickly adding, “I mean, the _other_ shortie, not—”

“Call me shortie again _one_ more time,” Peridot says in a low growl, glaring up at Jasper with her brows furrowed.

Jasper laughs playfully before reaching over to ruffle Peridot's triangular blonde hair.

“Hey!” She exclaims. “What're you doing, you clod?!”

“Sorry! You're just so tiny and adorable!”

Peridot's face burns red with mixed anger and embarrassment, but she's smiling as well. “I'm sorry, do you _want_ to get your ass kicked? Steven, do you think we can gag her?”

Steven snorts. “ _Totally_ down for that.”

Jasper glares at them both. “Double-team! What the hell?!”

Lapis watches them for a moment then inwardly wonders if she should get jealous.

Nah.

She's already got Amethyst to worry about, let's just shelf the topic that Peridot once dated Jasper too. With a sigh, she brushes past them and leads them down towards an open shore, where a couple of older guides seem to be waiting upon a stand of idle kayaks. The horse ride took a little longer than expected, so they're kind of behind schedule. They waste no time getting on the kayaks and taking off down the Jekyll River. They take two kayaks—Jasper and Steven in one, and Ruby, Lapis and Peridot in the other. They decided based on size. Since Jasper and Steven are the thickest among the five, they share a kayak while the smaller three hunker down together.

“Ruby's the tiniest so she sits in the middle.” Jasper says smugly as Steven grabs the paddles from the front of the kayak.

Ruby's face goes sour. “I really wish I'd beat your ass in our match.”

“She _is_ getting crazily insufferable,” Peridot muses, throwing her large-muscled companion a loose grin.

Jasper laughs—a great, booming one. “Just cause I'm great don't mean y'all gotta hate!”

“Cringe-worthy too.” Lapis murmurs underneath her breath, though unfortunately, Jasper catches it.

“You wanna _go_ , Lebedev?”

Lapis pauses, glancing over at her friend with a nonchalant, though amused, expression. “Idi syuda, suka."

Jasper pauses, laughs, and then casually flips her off. “You're a cocky prick. I may not be fluent but I know what you said."

Lapis tips her head. “Poetomu u vas yest' mozg v kontse kontsov!”

Jasper shakes her head. “No idea,” She says. “But I bet it was offensive so fuck you!”

“Ey, ey, let's keep the dialect to English here for the locals who aren't multilingual, shall we?” Steven asks, shooting Lapis a knowing look.

Lapis laughs and shrugs. “Whatever you want, bachelor boy.”

Steven had taken the front seat while Jasper had no qualms about settling in the back. True to her word, Ruby sat in the middle—though not without a bit of grumbling—while Peridot took the front and Lapis stayed at the back. They settle in a comfortable rhythm, paddling peacefully down the beautiful river. Steven takes a deep breath and laughs.

“Doesn't it feel great to just breathe?”

“You're touched in the head,” Jasper grumbles. “It smells like horse shit and dirt. Don't feel too great to me.”

Ruby rolls her eyes. “You're such a city girl. Sometimes I wonder if your dad really is a farmer.”

“He is!” Jasper protests, turning to stare at Ruby with narrowed eyes. “He and my mom are back home right now in our farm house tending to the crops. They're really rural folk, but me? I grew up in the city. I _love_ the city.”

Lapis dips her fingers into the river as her friends continue to banter, relishing in the feel of her skin sinking naturally into the depths of the blue. The water is cold but it's a refreshing kind. It's unpolluted, unharmed—it's so hard to find places like these nowadays. She wants to dive in right here and now, submerge herself in the wonders of the water, bubbling herself away without thought of anything else. It'd sure be a load off her chest. But she restrains, because this isn't about her. It's about Steven. She has to be a good friend for him, while she still can. So she forgets the thought, though she keeps her hand in the water.

The voices drift in and out, out of focus and unclear like a radio being tuned. As she paddles, she tries to bring her attention back to her friends, but suddenly she finds herself staring too intensely at the back of Peridot's head, and she pulls away in distaste, forcing her gaze downwards.

What the hell was that back when they were horseback riding?

It was as if they were back to square one, trying desperately to resist each other yet knowing full-well they can't. And the way Peridot looked at her...

Lapis _wants_ to stop fighting, she wants to be the first to apologize, she's so sick of her own insecurities... But every time she thinks of Peridot lying to her, Peridot sneaking off to Amethyst's apartment, Peridot texting Amethyst as if they hadn't been apart for years now—it gives her this insane feeling in her chest, an almost deranged pain, wallowing, screaming. She hates being the way she is, but she can't help it.

She's still _so_ angry.

She blinks herself back to reality and looks up. A familiar structure looms overhead, two guides sitting casually at the top of a ruined bridge. They're nearing halfway point.

“—at least my dad supported my sexual preferences!” Jasper exclaims, the voices rushing back to Lapis as her focus squares in. “Didn't your mom kick you out of the house when she found out about you and Sapphire or something?”

Ruby growls. “She kicked me out mainly because it was _Sapphire_ I was dating. My mom and her mom are sworn archenemies, remember?”

Peridot whirls around to shoot Ruby an incredulous look. “She kicked you out of your own house?” She looks so concerned. “Really?”

Ruby hesitates before quickly waving her off. “No, no, it's not that big a deal, really! She made me go live with my dad. They've been separated for years. It's really normal. So yeah, I moved in with him and my mom apologized a bit later. She realized that she was wrong to criticize her child for her uncontrollable desires.”

Peridot blinks, before turning back around. “Huh.”

Steven glances over. “Sexual preferences,” He mutters. “ _Can't relate._ ”

Peridot chuckles. “You sound like Amethyst. She loves saying that phrase.”

And the second—I mean the _second_ —Peridot mentions her name, every nerve in Lapis's body prickles with discomfort and irritation.

 _Seriously?_ She thinks. _She has to mention her now too?_

“She does!” Jasper exclaim, not realizing the situation.

“Doesn't she?!” Peridot laughs. “She uses all these dumb phrases all the time. Back when we were in college, she used to pick up trends _just like that_. And then she'd use it for days. After a while, she got me using them too.”

Lapis sucks in a breath through gritted teeth. “Sounds like fun,” She mutters. “She made such an impact on your life.”

Lapis catches Ruby flinching form the corner of her eye, and Peridot tenses. In a sudden breath, the entire atmosphere shifts to something icy cold, something uninhabitable, deathly uncomfortable. Nobody speaks for a moment. Steven turns back just slightly to stare at Lapis with tense eyes.

He takes a breath in an attempt to bring the situation down to a calm. “Um—”

“Fish!” Jasper shouts suddenly, pointing down to the river with a rigid finger. “Look, there's fish!” But her voice is too high-pitched to be natural.

Lapis glances over at her with a raised eyebrow. “You can't see shit through the water, Jasper.”

“Y—Yes I can—”

“Maybe you're the one who can't see shit through anything, Lapis.”

Lapis snaps her gaze up to meet Peridot's over Ruby's taut shoulder. The eye contact is sizzling, intense, much like their eye contact before except so different at the same time. There's a distinct emotion to it now: hate, annoyance, irritation, frustration—but despite that Lapis can only see one thing swimming in the depths of Peridot's bright green-brown eyes.

Guilt.

“I'm sorry, am I being accused of something here?” Lapis snips sarcastically. “Because last I checked, I'm not the one who's head over heels for another girl.”

“ _Oh my God,_ ” Peridot laughs in full spite. “So just because she and I are hanging out now, I'm immediately categorized as a slut who cheats on her partner?”

“You guys are _ex's!_ ”

“So are you and _Pearl!_ "

Lapis hesitates. “That's different!”

“How is it different?!” Peridot snaps.

“She and I hang out in the same fucking group! We've seen each other almost every week! We don't hang out alone behind each other's back, and I don't bring her up in every conversation we have!”

“Are you kidding me?!” Peridot snarls. “I brought her up once. _Once!_ "

“Yeah, and you sounded like you goddamn worshipped her or something.”

“ _Okay, Ms. Know-it-all,_ why don't you fucking explain why you were at her house last week then?”

Lapis winces. “I—”

“Yeah, bet you don't have a witty comment for _that_.”

“Fuck you, I was there because I wanted to know why the hell she showed up at your doorsteps without even a fucking message!”

“Really?” By now, Peridot's halfway up her seat. Her height helps her balance a bit, so she straightens, glaring down at Lapis with a snarl so venomous it could've killed all the fish with one glance. “Why didn't you just ask _me_ then?”

Lapis rolls her eyes. “Oh, I don't know, Peridot. It's not like you were acting suspicious at all! It's not like you kept her from me in the first place!"

Peridot pauses, her bottom lip quivering. The sight almost makes Lapis want to give in and apologize.

_Almost._

“Lapis, she and I have _history_ —"

“ _Fuck!_ ” Lapis laughs, standing up. The boat quivers slightly, rocking left to right in an uneasy manner. Ruby has to hold on to both sides to keep it from teetering any further.

“Guys,” Steven whispers, his eyes pleading. “Please, just calm down.”

Jasper tries to grab on to the side of our boat but she's a few inches too far away. “H-Hey, come on, we can work this out,” She murmurs nervously. “Just sit down, guys.”

But Lapis can't hear them. All she can hear is the sound of Peridot's voice wavering as she uttered the word _history_ , as if their history isn't over, as if they're living in their history right now. “Of all the things you could've said,” Lapis bites her lip, staring at her cruelly. “The thing is, Peridot, if it really is history, you wouldn't have had a problem bringing it up.”

Peridot glares at her weakly. “I just didn't wanna upset you—”

_“Bullshit.”_

Peridot's glare hardens. “Just cause you have an agenda with everybody in the city doesn't mean that—”

“Holy _fuck_!” Lapis starts laughing like a deranged maniac, staring off into the water with wide eyes, her lips spread into an angry smile. “You think you're so above all my problems, po'shyol 'na hui.”

“I don't fucking understand!”

“ _Vy dolzhny byli skazat' mne!_ ”

“Stop!” Steven shouts, standing up. He wobbles a little, tipping the boat from side to side because of his weight, but eventually, Jasper stands up too, and the both of them balance the boat out. Ruby attempts to do the same but she only ends up squatting. She reaches out to press her hands against both Lapis's and Peridot's shoulders, pushing them away from each other. “Stop this, both of you!” Steven exclaims.

“You've obviously had too much time apart,” Ruby whispers, staring at them both individually. “Distance after an unsolved argument can lead to explosive confrontations. But now is not the time or place for that, Lapis, Peridot.”

Jasper nods her head. “This—This should be worked out alone. The two of you, just—” She gulps. “Just not like this.”

Lapis is doing her best to avoid Peridot's gaze, but she does look up to give Ruby, Jasper and Steven each a painfully regretful glance. She clenches her fist and pulls away, dragging her rear back down onto the back seat. Everything feels like lead, her body is on fire, but her chest doesn't feel hollow anymore. It feels like there are a million bees sticking their needle-asses into her heart all at once. She takes a deep breath and raises her hands.

“Sorry,” She whispers.

Peridot doesn't look at her either. Lapis prefers it that way. Finally she pulls away as well, so Ruby lets go of her, and sits down silently at the front of the kayak. Ruby stares at Jasper and Steven, but the two are as stumped as Ruby is. The situation has gotten completely out of hand.

Once everybody's seated, they take off down the river once again, paddling their kayaks in an uncomfortable silence. They're about a mile or two away from the checkpoint. After that, they'd be done with their river expedition.

Nobody speaks for a long time. Until finally, somebody does.

“Well,” Jasper exclaims shakily, clapping her hands together. “I—I don't know about you guys, but I'm fucking starving."

Steven shakes his head, though Lapis can tell he cracked a smile. “We haven't had a meal since those Crispy Kreme doughnuts we got on the highway seven hours ago.”

“ _Seven_ hours?” Jasper groans. “No wonder my stomach feels like it's eating itself."

Ruby chuckles half-heartedly. “Yeah, me too. What a trip, right?”

“What's next on the itinerary, Lapis?” Steven asks, peering over his shoulder to stare at Lapis with uncertain eyes.

Lapis remains silent. She stares down at the surface of the water, reflection dim but clear, her fingers dipped into the cold, trying to grasp onto something tangible, something that _makes sense_. With a sigh, she pulls away. “Red Carpet Lounge,” She murmurs. “It has food.”

“Boo-yah!” Jasper whispers, pumping her fist downwards in a vertical motion.

Steven keeps his gaze on her a bit longer, and then he looks at Peridot. With a final sigh, he looks back at the checkpoint several feet ahead of them and says, “Guess you were wrong when you said the party you'd planned wasn't memorable. Cause this sure is... memorable.”

Lapis stifles a laugh and shakes her head. “Memorable,” She whispers, looking away at the waters. “ _Eto piz'dets_.”

* * *

 

 

They stand inside a large edifice with velvet red walls and golden couches. Lights bounce around in narrow lines from projectors above, casting a colorful hue over the thick furniture and long rectangular stage, dancing from the reflection on glasses and silverware. The scent of heavy scented perfume wafts in the air, mixed with a potent flower-like chemical, something intoxicating, sweet and sultry at the same time. Music vibrates through the walls, loud and demanding, heavy, inviting. There's a sick beat to it, and it's fast enough to dance to. Everything amalgamated together creates something extraordinary—it's a mayhem of sensual stimulation.

“Red Carpet Lounge...” Steven murmurs, staring straight at the loosely-dressed (and that's putting it incredibly mildly) lady dancing on the stage. “...is a _strip club_."

Jasper whistles, staring wide-eyed at the performance in front of her. “Woah,” She whispers. “I can enjoy this.”

Ruby nudges her in the rib. “You're taken, dumbass."

“It isn't that serious yet! A little touching won't do no harm!”

Lapis shoots her a face, but then she immediately looks away when she catches Peridot almost-glancing at her from Steven's side. Her heart is hammering. She clenches her fist and says, “I wasn't gonna let Steven's bachelor's party go without _some_ sort of sexual innuendo.”

Steven scoffs, turning to throw her a grin. “Of course. What else did I expect?”

Lapis returns his grin with one of her own. “You can order some snacks, but not too much. We have dinner later at a restaurant nearby,” She motions towards the dancers and says, “It's a strip club, so you can just watch. You don't have to touch, you don't have to do anything.”

“Yeah, like that's happening,” Jasper murmurs gruffly, nudging Ruby in the shoulder.

Ruby raises an eyebrow. “Jasper, you _know_ I'm married!”

“Just hide the ring and we'll pretend it was never there!”

“Jasper!”

“What?!"

Peridot clears her throat. “I'm gonna use the restroom.”

Lapis looks over at her just as she ducks out to find the restroom at the entrance. Her insides still feel like they're squirming about, making her stiff and bothered. Jasper and Ruby are already making their way to the stage, Ruby protesting continuously while Jasper lugs her about by the neck, pointing at the dancers on stage as if they're exotic animals to be worshipped. Lapis shuffles on her feet for a bit before stumbling over to Steven.

“Hey,” She whispers.

Steven speaks without looking at her. “Hey.”

Silence.

Lapis sighs. “Steven, I'm really sorry—”

“Don't be, Lapis.”

“What?” Lapis furrows her brows. “We completely wrecked your kayak trip. Hell, we probably wrecked everything.”

Steven chuckles. “You kidding?” He turns to throw her a smile. “Lapis, it may not be what you expected, but it's still... It's still been great, okay? And all that arguing? Damn. This is gonna be one hell of a story to tell one day.”

Lapis runs her fingers through her hair. “You're taking this way too well.”

Steven shrugs. “I'm getting married in a week. Connie's my bride, you're my best-man, and despite your predicament, all my friends are happy and content.” He turns back to the stage and says, “Life is good. I'm happy.”

“So... Me and Peridot screaming at each other in the worst way possible didn't bother you at all?”

Steven shoots her a look. “Oh, of course it did. What kind of best friend would I be to completely disregard a situation like that?” He laughs and waves his hand in the air. “No, I was bothered. But what I'm most worried about is _you_. What're _you_ gonna do about this, Lapis?”

Lapis shrugs lamely, shoving her hands into her pockets. “Take up religion and start praying again?”

“You can't humor your way out of every situation.”

“Unfortunately,” Lapis confesses with a sigh. “But I make do. Besides, today's not about that. Today's about you.”

Steven stares at her for a moment, and then he shakes his head. “No, Lapis,” He says. “Today's about _us_. And that includes you and Peridot. So please...” He grabs her shoulder and squeezes it. “Talk to her about this. And not yell or throw insults, but actually—actually have a _civilized_ conversation about everything that's happening.”

Lapis's shoulders slump. “I don't know how,” She admits. “I'm still so angry every time she says her name. I feel like I'm gonna explode, like there's this fire in my chest that's burning my heart to ashes,” She laughs. “Melodramatic, maybe, but shit, I—I don't know any other way to describe it. I don't—I don't know how to control my emotions. I feel like... every time we talk, our hearts thread on very thin lines, and the more we try to engage, the stronger the line pulls against us. Did that just make sense?”

Steven pauses. “No,” He says, shaking his head. “Not really. But it sure sounds legitimate.”

Lapis breathes out heavily through her mouth. “I'm not good at talking. You know that, Steven.”

“I know. Trust me, I—I know how you feel.” He shrugs, and then says, “You're a very emotionally complex person, Lapis. It's hard to tell what you really want sometimes.”

“Yeah,” Lapis murmurs. “You're not the only one tryna' figure it out.”

“But y'know, despite your complexity,” Steven turns to flash her a grin. “You can be surprisingly endearing. Take it from your best friend. I deal with your shit but I come back every single time because you've somehow gotten me to love you, and I don't think I could ever stop loving you.” He waits for Lapis's face to twist in distaste before quickly adding, “And I'm pretty sure Peridot feels the same way.”

Lapis furrows her brows, her breath hitching. She takes one good look at the stage, and then brings her gaze back to Steven. “I just—I can't tell what's right and wrong anymore."

Steven stares at her sadly. “Your inner conflicts have taken shape in your day-to-day. I mean, it's not everyday you see this level of... bipolarity. One minute you guys were roasting each other in the car, and the next you're touching and staring at each other as if everything you've ever loved was embodied in each other's eyes. Suddenly you're back to screaming—and it's even worse than the first time—and now—” He groans, massaging his temples. “It hurts my head just to think about it. Hurts my heart too, just so you know.”

Lapis waits a beat, staring down at her shoes. The music in the club shifts to something a little slower, bringing the atmosphere to a steady decline. The sudden change in tempo makes Lapis even sadder. She raises her head and asks, “Why do I keep messing things up?”

“Lapis,” Steven's face twists in worry. He reaches out to grab her by the shoulder before squeezing it tightly. “You're—You're still emotionally... fatigued. In my opinion, things are rough on both ends. I don't think either one of you really holds the blame alone,” He says. “I think you're both at fault. I think you should both apologize and make amends."

Lapis stiffens. “Right,” She murmurs. “ _Both of us_...”

Steven recognizes the reluctance in her expression. They spent their entire childhood together. He could pick apart every expression she makes and decipher it right then and there. “I know it's not easy,” He says softly. “You feel like you should be getting more from the bargain.”

Lapis sighs. “It just sucks. She keeps saying they have history.”

Steven shoots her a sympathetic smile. “It does suck. But even though relationships are often a 50-50 deal... Sometimes you have to shoulder the burden from your partner to keep the relationship alive. Sometimes, when things get rough, you have to take on a 70 while your partner takes on a 30. It's not always gonna be equal.”

Lapis frowns. “Yeah,” She whispers. “It was never equal with me and Pearl either.”

“And yet you guys lasted three years.”

“Because I thought I needed her,” She says. “And she thought our imperfections complemented our relationship. We were both wrong."

“Hey,” Steven wraps a warm arm around her shoulder. “The thing about relationships is...” He stares at her face in sadness, his large brown eyes soft and compassionate. “You can never know for sure."

See, the thing is, Lapis has never had trouble with _uncertainties_. Physically, mentally—She likes putting herself in situations that have unpredictable endings. She likes challenging herself, challenging her body, challenging the world. She's a spontaneous freak who _thrives_ on adrenaline. Yet ever since she got her heart broken seven months ago... Her emotional state hasn't quite been the same. She's afraid. She's afraid of _uncertainties_ when it comes to her feelings. She doesn't know if she can deal with another _uncertain_.

With another Pearl.

She doesn't wanna lose Peridot.

God, despite everything—She _can't_ lose Peridot.

“You don't have to decide now. I know it's a big burden,” Steven says. “But soon, okay?”

Lapis gazes out into the open room, drawing a tight breath and breathing it out in a heavy sigh. A long silence passes. Steven withdraws his persistence, and he stands idly by waiting for whenever Lapis feels comfortable enough to speak again. After a moment, she brings her gaze back to her feet, and then up to Steven's expectant face. Finally, she says, “You should get a strip dance.”

Steven shoots her a look. “Lapis Lazuli, you vice woman.”

“This is your bachelor's party,” Lapis states, laughing. “You'll probably never get another chance like this again.”

Steven clicks his tongue. “And what makes you think I even want one?”

“As pure as you are, you oversized dork, you _are_ still a man.” Lapis's grin widens. “There's nothing wrong with exotic naked dancing.”

Steven laughs, shaking his head. “Alright, you got me there.” He claps her in the shoulder and motions towards the stage. “Are you gonna get one too or do you want like, a private lap dance or something? Last time we were at a strip club, you went all out. Pretty sure you spent a bit over fifty dollars.”

Lapis colors in embarrassment. “Okay, hold on. That was a _rough_ night. I was _trying_ to get smashed.”

Steven laughs even louder. “Should I expect a repeat?” His eyes soften. “You should be able to cut loose too.”

Lapis sighs, scratching the back of her neck. “It's alright, Steven.” She pauses for a moment. When has she ever turned down a private lap dance? Even when she was with Pearl, she was incredibly tempted to sneak into one of those little rooms for a private one-on-one with a hot exotic dancer. But now... She feels almost repelled at the very idea. She looks up at Steven to say, “I have a girlfriend. I'm—I'm good.”

Steven's eyebrows shoot upwards in surprise. He waits a beat, breathing in the finality—the resolution—of her decision, before breaking into a gentle smile. “Okay.” He chuckles. “My little Lap's all grown up.”

Lapis rolls her eyes, though she's grinning as well. “Aw shut up, ugly.”

They both turn their gazes towards where Jasper and Ruby are lounging playfully on one of the long couches. A loosely-dressed (again, very mild term) waitress with a tight brunette bun approaches them with a tray of drinks. Jasper reaches to grab two but Ruby immediately stops her, making an incredibly amusing face in the process, though Jasper doesn't notice it because she's too busy ogling the pretty waitress's practically-exposed breasts. She pushes Ruby away with her elbow, digging it into her cheek like a spear and causing the littler woman to lean backwards in pain. Just then, Peridot emerges from the darkness next to Ruby. She takes a seat next to her and flashes them both a timid smile. Lapis doesn't remember her walking past them. She must've taken another entrance. Which is... pretty _trying_ , even if Lapis does say so herself. It's a bit extra to go to such lengths just to avoid her.

Peridot must really be mad.

“You go ahead,” Lapis murmurs, not taking her eyes off Peridot's face. “I'm gonna go out. Maybe—Maybe take a walk.”

Steven shoots her a look. “ _Take a walk_? Do you honestly expect me to believe that?” Lapis colors a little, and that's enough confirmation for Steven to press on. “That's lingo, Lapis. You don't think I remember? Every time you used to say you were gonna 'take a walk', you meant something else.”

Lapis bites her lip. “It's—I just—I kinda need it right now.”

Steven narrows his gaze. “Lapis,” He whispers. “You quit smoking years ago.”

Lapis shrugs. “One won't hurt.”

“It might,” He says. “If you get addicted again.”

Lapis purses her lips. “But I won't.”

“And how do you know that for sure?”

“Because... I have a reason not to,” She glances at Peridot, then flinches, bringing her gaze back to Steven. “I—I feel like an explosive about to detonate. If I don't... do something to take the edge off, I'm gonna—”

“Lapis, _please_ ,” Steven sighs. “You worked so hard to quit before.”

"Steven,” She reaches out to grab his hands, squeezing them tightly in her own. Despite her shakiness, there's a certain resolution to her grip, a vice-like property, strong in its sense, careful and determined. When she stares into his brown eyes, he can see the strength in them, the willpower. “I promise I won't get addicted again. I swear it. I just—I just really need this one moment to—” Her expression breaks, just for a second, and then she composes herself and continues. “To _release. Please._ ”

Steven knows how hard this is for her. But Steven also remembers how tough it was for Lapis to quit. She was a chainsmoker, she had it bad. But when she finally made the brave decision to stop, she spent a whole month fighting against herself, banging her head against cupboards, slamming her fists into walls—She was an emotional landmine deprived of her obsession. But she was brave about it. She never gave in. And then she quit. And she was good, and she was happy.

Steven doesn't wanna see her go through that again.

But Steven also _trusts_ her.

“Just one,” He whispers.

“Just one.” Lapis confirms.

She lets him go, and it's only when her fingers slip from his does he realize that she had gripped him even tighter than he imagined. His fingers had turned red from the contact. He takes a deep breath and nods. “Have fun out there,” He mumbles.

Lapis forces a smile and nods as well. “You too. In here,” She motions towards the stage. “I want you to really appreciate their exotic dancing, okay? It's an exquisite practice.”

Steven scoffs. “And you, my friend, are lewd. Not to mention cheesy.”

“I live by both,” Lapis says, laughing. She taps him on the back before whirling around and making her way outside. She thinks about their talk. She thinks about her decision to smoke. She thinks about nothing else but the storm brewing in her chest. There's just so much a girl can take, you know? Lapis is so broken, she can feel herself splitting apart. Outside, she makes her way to a nearby convenience store before purchasing a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. She steps outside, breathing in the musky scent of Georgia in all its natural glory. And then she raises a cigarette, puts it between her lips, and lights it.

The first drag is always so... _possessive_.

She shuts her eyes and sighs. The smoke wafts in the air for a moment before disappearing. Her body feels lighter, her chest feels less constricted. She finishes the stick in less than five minutes. She still has nine left in the box, but she promised Steven. So she makes her way down the road and offers the entire box and lighter to a random boy (who looked whole-heartedly appreciative of the gesture. In fact, he even offered to repay her in an _intimate_ manner but Lapis, of course, _kindly_ refused) before jogging back to the Red Carpet Lounge.

Despite it all, even though a part of her had expected this, even though her lips are tingling and her chest is bubbling and her feet feel lighter... She doesn't feel _better_. Smoking that stick didn't help her. Steven was right, as he almost always is.

To move past this, they need to talk.

Lapis stands at the entrance uncertainly, preparing herself for the bomb that's sure to explode in the next few hours, given their current condition. And then, with a deep breath, she walks through the open threshold and into the dark edifice.

* * *

 

 

 

An hour later, they're seated at an outdoor table in an oceanside restaurant called Tortuga Jack's. It's a cozy little shack with a well-lit porch that serve customers who prefer a beautiful ocean view as opposed to indoor air-conditioning and a barrier against mosquitoes. Steven, Ruby, Jasper, Lapis and Peridot sit around a rectangular table—not necessarily in that order—stuffing their faces with Jekyll Island's glorious seafood platter. Steven's enjoying himself, and that's what matters most to Lapis. Well, aside from Peridot's happiness, which, by the way, is incredibly low at the moment. Probably why Lapis is so miserable. And why she can't seem to enjoy the food, no matter how good it is.

Lapis keeps trying to meet her gaze, but Peridot isn't even _looking_ at her, not even a little glance. Nothing. She's doing her utmost best to avoid contact with her entirely. Lapis clenches her fists underneath the table. She doesn't know if she can wait till tomorrow anymore. The feelings are eating her up inside and she needs to get this off her chest. But they're spending the entire night tonight partying with Steven. How is she gonna pull through the night knowing Peridot's unhappy? How can she pull through the night not knowing what Peridot's thinking, what she wants to say, what her justification is?

It's too much.

Lapis sees her big break when Peridot excuses herself to go to the bathroom (again). Lapis waits a moment after she leaves. A minute. Two. Three. And then she looks up and clears her throat. “Uh, I gotta use the bathroom too,” She stands up and tucks her chair back in. “Be back in a bit.”

They're all staring at her as she leaves, but nobody seems inclined to speak up about it. _Obviously_ , they're all aware she isn't going to the bathroom for conventional excretory uses. They know that she wants to talk to Peridot.

When Lapis steps in, the first thing she notices is that the bathroom smells uncannily like soap. And not just hand soap, but... _soap_. The scented kind. The kind that's extremely easy to pick up. One whiff and you know. It's _soap_. She doesn't know why she's so transfixed with it. It takes her a while to realize that Peridot's bathroom smells like this too. The realization brings back a flood of memories—Peridot showering, Peridot grinning, Peridot kissing her as she's trying to brush her teeth, Peridot with her hands buried in her hair and her lips pressed against her skin.

Lapis sucks in a breath just as the last stall door swings open.

And out steps the culprit herself.

“L—Leaving the party so soon?” Lapis stutters, inwardly cursing herself for being so fucking _lame_.

Peridot whips her gaze up, shocked, but soon her face morphs into utter distaste. She turns towards the giant mirror above the sink to avoid Lapis's gaze, but she's still shell-shocked and red. She washes her hands to occupy herself, but obviously she isn't really paying much attention to it. Lapis awkwardly shuffles closer to her, but the closer she gets, the tenser Peridot's shoulder becomes, so she stops when she's about two feet away.

“Peridot—” She hesitates. “I just—I wanna—I think we need to talk.”

Peridot makes a face as if to sarcastically say, _Oh really? Wow, didn't think that at all!_ But she remains silent and taut, her eyes still peering into the sink.

Lapis swallows. “Look, I—I know I've been—I've been _tough_ to deal with. That's—” She laughs. “That's an understatement. But you know what I mean. It hasn't been easy. I'm too much. I know that. Sometimes I notice it but I can't stop it. Reflex, I guess? An inbred mechanism, like coughing or wheezing—” Crap, she's rambling. Her heart's beating so fast. “The point is—”

Peridot looks up, but she still refuses to look at Lapis. Instead, she stares into her reflection, her bright green eyes narrowed in discomfort. Then she closes the tap and walks towards the paper towel dispenser. Without a word, she dries her hands like a good little girl and makes her way towards the door.

She's _completely_ ignoring Lapis's presence.

“Peridot—” She reaches out to grab her because she's starting to get a little ticked off, but the second their skin makes contact, Peridot rips her arm away and backs up.

“ _Stop_.” She hisses, glaring at her.

In retrospect, Lapis probably would've just been happy that Peridot was finally _talking_ to her... But her attitude is totally pissing her off. She can't handle it, her irritation is starting to boil over.

“What's your _problem_?!” Lapis exclaims. “I'm _trying_ to apologize!”

“I don't wanna hear it!” Peridot snaps. “Just leave me alone!”

Lapis pulls away, appalled. “What?!”

“Just _stay away_!”

“Okay, who the hell's the immature one _now_?”

Peridot glares at her with so much abhor— “I don't wanna fucking talk to you right now, Lapis!” And then she whirls around and races out the door. She does it so suddenly that Lapis has to take a few moments to collect herself, to react. She blinks, and then with a fury that's rooted deep in her chest, she races after her.

Peridot isn't at her seat when Lapis reemerges outside, so she looks around the restaurant for any signs of a fleeing blonde midget. She catches sight of her unruly hair several yards away, escaping to the beach. With a growl, Lapis jogs after her, evading Steven and Jasper and Ruby's watchful eyes by ducking behind a pillar. She races down the sandy path the same way Peridot went for a few short minutes before emerging into an open beach, secluded and isolated from the rest of the world. Lapis has a sinking feeling that this place is probably closed off for the night, that it might be considered trespassing for her and Peridot to be here without permission, but the thought is forgotten completely when her gaze settles on Peridot's back several feet away.

Her fury replaces her concern, and she stomps up to her with half-a-mind to start screaming. Her emotions are getting the better of her.

“Peridot!”

The littler girl flinches, before whirling around. Her face is red with anger and annoyance, and her lips are pulled down in an irritated snarl. “I told you to _stay away_.”

“Yeah, you don't get to do that,” Lapis clips, pointing at her with her index finger. “You don't get to just tell me to stay away and run off and make this whole situation a million times worse!”

Peridot laughs sarcastically. “Oh yeah, cause _I_ made it fucking worse.”

Lapis breathes out through her mouth and says, “You know what? Fuck my apology. Fuck you. Fuck all of this. You wanna go ahead and skip off with Amethyst? Fine. _Go ahead_!"

“ _Jesus Christ_ , so we're back here again!” Peridot whirls around to fully face her, her eyes wild with fury. She takes a step forward and says, “None of this would've even happened if you had just—if you had just—”

“—Had just _what_?!” Lapis snaps. “Had just what huh?!”

“—Had just _trusted_ me!”

“Right, cause seeing your ex at your doorstep shouldn't have triggered me at all.”

“I _told_ you I was going to tell you eventually—"

“Yeah but it concerns me that you didn't do it immediately—”

“I said I was worried! I said I didn't want you to hate her any more than you already did!”

“Why not?!” Lapis yells, throwing her hands up in the air. “Why can't I hate the woman who stole the hearts of literally both the girls I've ever loved?”

Peridot gapes. “Are you listening to yourself right now? She didn't _do_ anything!”

“She made you _love_ her, Peridot!”

“That was a long fucking time ago—It was—” She stops, cupping her hands over her mouth as a look of horror dawns upon her face.

Lapis stares at her for a moment, her breath quivering. And then she says, “So you did love her then, despite being just 'fuck buddies'.”

Peridot remains silent for a moment, and then guiltily shakes her head. “I didn't even know what love meant at the time,” She mumbles through her hands.

Lapis bites her lip. This hurts a lot more it should, considering she had already been anticipating it. But—But the thought of Peridot ever _loving_ Amethyst. The thought of her _still_ —It makes Lapis want to bend over and heave her guts out. “God,” She barks. “This is fucking great.”

“Like I said, Lapis, it was a long time ago—”

“You know what gets me, Guntherson? You know what really just... _tickles_ my fucking bones?” Lapis stares at her for a moment, her eyes going hard with anger. She shakes her head and says, “In all our arguments, you never _once_ denied that you could possibly still have feelings for her. You just—You just kept bringing up these outside points, combating my questions with questions of your own, turning it around on _me_. But really, who's the culprit here?”

Peridot's face tenses again. She pulls her hands away from her mouth and glares up at her with as much rage as she can muster. “The fact that you'd even _think_ I'd cheat on you,” She scoffs. “The trust is obviously very real.”

Lapis sucks in a breath. “See? _See_? That's what you fucking do!"

“I _don't_ have feelings for her, Lapis! Is that what you wanna hear?! Is that all?! Is that the whole reason you've been acting like such a spoiled little brat—”

“Of all people, I expected _you_ to understand!”

“Understand _what_?!"

“Understand _this_ ,” Lapis gestures wildly to the air. “Understand my circumstance, understand why I had my suspicions, understand—understand _me_.” She flushes, her hands losing strength, but her energy recharges as soon as she continues, and soon she's closing the gap between her and Peridot, her hands gesturing spastically in front of her. “Amethyst didn't even tell _Pearl_ that you two were ex's. And then I find out you went over to her house to talk in private? And then you say that you've been texting her, that you guys have been talking again and—” Her face pales. “Can you honestly not see how this is killing me?”

Peridot's face relaxes, just slightly. At this point, she's so close to looking almost sympathetic, but the fury's still there, the anger's still there. And still despite it all, washed in the glow of the moonlight and accentuated by the redness of her cheeks, the unruliness of her hair, the wetness in her eyes... Lapis can't help but think in one unintentional moment,

_God, she's so beautiful._

“That still doesn't excuse the way you've handled the whole thing. Okay, yeah, maybe I could've done some things differently. _Maybe_ I was even acting irrationally, but I had my reasons, Lapis! You just—You kept provoking me, you kept pushing me into this state of mind where I just—where I just kept losing my control! You drive me insane, you are _currently_ driving me insane, I don't even know what the fuck I'm feeling anymore!”

Lapis stares at her long and hard. “So you admit you messed up too then?”

Peridot breathes out a heavy sigh. “I may have—I should've told you—”

“Yeah, you should've.”

Peridot's glare intensifies. “Well, you should've fucking _talked_ to me before jumping to damn conclusions! If you had just stopped accusing me in every sentence, maybe we could've actually—”

And that's all Peridot gets to say before Lapis closes the distance between them and smashes her lips against hers. Peridot's so taken aback that she stumbles a few steps backwards until Lapis reaches out to catch her, wrapping an arm possessively around her waist and pulling her in, the other sneaking up towards her hair, entangling her fingers within her golden locks. Suddenly the world is shifting beneath Peridot's feet and she's losing all sense of reality. She kisses back, and everything around her molds into a scene off a surrealism painting—abstract and disproportionate, random and hectic, chaos in its most beautiful component. Her entire body is burning, her head is buzzing, she feels as if she's on a drug stronger than cocaine, stronger than heroin, stronger than ecstasy even. It's a form of indoctrination, an intoxication so sweet and so poignant she can't possibly resist. Not now. Not ever.

Peridot reaches up to dig her fingers into Lapis's back. She grasps on to her until scratches mark her back, deep and red and angry. Lapis pushes them both down onto the sand—gently, of course, or as gently as she could given the situation—and continues sucking the life out of Peridot's soft lips as if nothing else in the world mattered but her _kiss_.

Lapis's hand reaches down to Peridot's thigh, grasping it tightly with fingers as firm as steel, sliding it up towards a burning spot in between her legs. Peridot gasps out, dipping her head back. She tugs on Lapis's jacket, and the bartender straightens for a moment to pull it off. They get naked in the sand underneath the bright glow of a full moon, making love to the sounds of the ocean overlapping at their feet, washing away their sins, washing away their mistakes and imperfections.

And for one fateful moment, as Lapis gazes down at Peridot's naked body flushed in the pale glow, she can't help but be struck by the oddest sensation of lightning, as if Zeus himself had whammed her across the chest with his master bolt in an attempt to get her to realize that—

—she loves Peridot Guntherson so much.

And the way Peridot's gazing up at her now...

She knows she feels the same way too.

* * *

**Part II**

 

Sand doesn't feel too good when you're damp with sweat and naked at 3 in the morning, covered in scattered drops of sea water and dried female orgasmic excrete. The worst part is knowing it's gonna be stuck down there until you get to a shower, and it isn't that great a feeling to have your lady bits dusted messily with a coat of salty grain. But, Lapis supposes, that it isn't all that bad. The outcome was definitely worth it, and there's nothing else Lapis would rather be doing than just laying here underneath the moon with Peridot at her side, kissing her forehead so many times she's convinced she's left a mark on her skin using her lips alone.

Lapis stares off at the sea, entranced. This has been such a ride. She can hardly believe any of it. Peridot just vaguely shivers underneath her touch, so she tightens her hold around her. “Cold?” She asks.

Peridot inhales sharply. “A little. Wish we had a blanket or something.”

Lapis props herself on her elbow before reaching over to grab her jacket, sitting lamely on a pile of sand beside her. She flings it over her head and drapes it carefully around Peridot's waist area, covering her butt.

Peridot giggles lightly, her red cheeks glowing in the dim light. “Thank you.” She whispers.

Lapis's heart skips a beat. She leans down to press her lips against Peridot's cheek, before settling back to her position before, one hand intertwined with Peridot's, the other wrapped around her waist. She takes a breath and smiles. “That was some _angry_ sex.”

Peridot chuckle-snorts. “Tell me about it. I've never been so energized in my life.”

“And now you're depleted.”

“So are you,” Peridot raises an eyebrow. “You're barely holding it together. I can see your biceps quivering.”

Lapis laughs. “Okay, so maybe we went a bit overboard.”

“Yeah,” Peridot muses, chuckling. “Just a little bit.”

Lapis smiles as warmly as the sun before leaning in to kiss her. When she pulls away, she keeps her eyes closed for a few seconds. “I'm sorry for everything, Peridot.”

Even with her eyes shut, she can just hear the frown in Peridot's voice. “Lapis... I'm sorry too. You—You know it wasn't entirely your fault. I was—I'm sorry. Amethyst—we were—I hadn't meant—”

“Shh,” Lapis kisses her again, but then she opens her eyes the second time she pulls away. “It's okay.”

Peridot still looks sad. “No, it's not. We made a huge deal out of it. We—We fucking exploded,” She stares at her with wide, unblinking eyes. “Imagine the damage we could've caused if you hadn't followed me—”

Lapis rolls her eyes. “Oh I doubt we would've gotten physical.”

"That wasn't the kind of _damage_ I was talking about...”

Lapis's heart squeezes. “Oh,” She whispers, dropping her gaze. “Well, I'm—I'm glad it didn't happen that way.”

Peridot frowns, her fingers tightening unconsciously around Lapis's. “Me too.”

The trees rustle as a thick breeze whips through the shore. Lapis stifles a shiver and shuffles just that bit closer to her littler companion. The cold is stifling, but Peridot's warmth more than makes up for it. With their bodies pressed so tightly together, the situation doesn't seem all too bad. “I can't—I can't control my emotions, Peridot.”

Peridot breathes against her neck, hot and steady. “I know.”

“No, you—you really don't. I've always been... tough to deal with. I mean, you probably know that from just _trying_ to be with me. But there's more to it. I don't know. I feel—” She sighs, shutting her eyes. “I feel _inadequate_."

“Lapis—"

“I guess it's this leftover part of me that never really died out since my dad passed. He's an elite, he's looked up to, respected. A lot was expected of me back home in Russia _and_ among the officials here. He's friends with big people, so I have to be respectable, I have to look commendable.” She bites her lip. “But with that kind of pressure, it was easy to just... get lost in my doubt and insecurity. I was always questioning myself, my feelings. Eventually, I got over it. I stopped caring after he died. After my college graduation, I left home to find my own way. I got a bar, I liked it, and I stayed.” She pauses, her half-lidded eyes staring pathetically at their intertwined hands. “But I guess a part of me has always been weak.”

Peridot's face hardens. “Lapis, it isn't weakness.”

“No,” Lapis takes a deep breath. “It really is. I let Amethyst get to me. I let the thought of you guys get to me. I know—I know you'd never cheat on me, Peri, I just—” She pales. “Every time I think that you might—you might end up still liking her, even if it's just a bit... I get the feeling that you'll leave me. That you'll realize how much of a troublesome burden I really am. How irritating I am. How unworthy I am... And then you'll leave me,” She catches her breath. “And I don't know if I can take it if you walked out on me.”

Peridot's grip tightens like a coiling snake, gripping Lapis's hand with as much fervor as she can muster. With her free hand, she reaches out to force Lapis's gaze on her, all the while keeping a steady expression. “Lapis,” She whispers, her voice a sound as soothing as the gentle waves. “If I _wanted_ to leave you because of your emotional insecurities... I would've done it _weeks_ ago.”

Lapis stares at her, her face hard with mixed shock and uncertainty. The parallel doesn't escape her. It registers immediately and reminds Lapis of a memory she'd much rather forget, a memory that makes her bones ache and her skin burn, a memory of Peridot—Peridot in the car, face twisted in anger, saying the words she'd never thought she'd hear her say. Peridot seems to realize this too, because her expression quickly breaks into one of horror. And then she looks away, ashamed, before whispering, “I didn't mean it.” She colors. “I—I mean, I did, but not like that. I'm—Lapis, I'm so sorry.”

Lapis forces a strained smile. “You know I had it coming—”

“It's not that. God, I was so angry. You just—” She laughs in disbelief. “You just have this way with me, you know? I don't usually lose my cool like that. I don't—I don't like yelling, but you just drive me over the edge. You make me feel so—so _much_ , and sometimes I don't even know what I'm supposed to be feeling! One minute I wanna strangle the life out of you and the next I wanna do the same to your lips, I—” She stops, red washing over her face like a burning stove. With a soft sigh, she leans in and presses her forehead against Lapis's. “It's like... when I'm with you... I can't control myself. Emotionally, sexually—everything's a mixture of... _chaos_ and _disorder_. You make me so insane.”

Despite it all, Lapis can't stifle the smile that creeps onto her lips. “Intoxicated by my smothering presence, stranger?”

Peridot snorts. “Maybe by your insufferable ego, sure,” And then she kisses her. “I'm madly in love with you. Please don't ever, _ever_ believe otherwise.”

Lapis's heart skips a beat. She can't help it, tears sting the back of her eyes and when she speaks, her voice comes out quivering and afraid. “I—I was scared that I—” Her breath hitches. “I was scared that I was gonna lose you, Peridot.”

“You won't,” Peridot says, her voice resolute. “You'll never.”

“You don't know that.”

“But I do,” Peridot offers a subtle smile. “I whole-heartedly believe that I'm gonna end up marrying you one day.”

Lapis's heart makes dramatic leaps in her chest and her stomach burns with something fierce. She swallows, her cheeks reddening. “Oh, wow.”

“The question of dress is still up for debate,” Peridot nods her head. “After all, two gender-fluid women who can go with both suits and dresses need their time to weigh their options.”

Lapis laughs softly. “I've always imagined myself in a dress.”

The sides of Peridot's eyes crinkle when she smiles. “Then a dress it is,” She chuckles before bringing her free hand up to stroke Lapis's warm cheek. “Funny how the image just got that bit clearer.”

Lapis nuzzles her face into her hand and sighs. “Marry me, Peridot Guntherson.”

Peridot narrows her eyes, her eyebrows furrowed and her lips pursed. “Hm,” She murmurs. “I'll have to think about it.”

Lapis laughs. “Ouch! There goes whatever's left of my heart!”

Peridot laughs too. “Shut up. You know what my answer is.”

“I know, but I just wanna hear it.”

Peridot sticks her tongue out. “Not tonight, my young, hot bartender.”

Lapis scowls, but the tips of her lips curl upwards in a smirk. She pushes herself up on her elbows and stares down at Peridot's bare body before casually leaning in to kiss her on the shoulder. “Salty,” She whispers, glancing up at Peridot's face. “Just like you.”

Peridot rolls her eyes. “God, don't say that. Every time you say the word 'salty' as a personality trait, I think of Pearl.”

Lapis's eyebrows shoot up, her smile breaking into a full-out grin. “ _Really_?”

“Well, you used it to describe her once! 'Salty Pearl',” Peridot mimics Lapis's voice very badly, though obviously she's exaggerating for effect. “It's not the sweetest reminder."

Lapis clicks her tongue and settles her head against Peridot's boobs, and though the tinier girl shivers at first contact, unused to the cold of her skin and the weight of her head, she eventually relaxes, her body going limp with ease. “That's how I felt when you mentioned Amethyst,” She pauses, then slowly adds, “Except maybe a million times worse. Because I didn't know where you two stood. Because we were fighting. Every time you said her name, it was like—” She hesitates. “—like there was this burning needle in my chest, and the more you spoke, the further in it was driven. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't think—” She sighs. “I fucking _hate_ jealousy.”

Peridot's expression softens. “I owe you an apology for that.”

Lapis shrugs. “It's fine.”

“No,” Peridot whispers, shaking her head. “It's not. I know what it's like to be confronted with the threat of ex-girlfriends and unspoken feelings. I know I should've told you. I know I shouldn't have kept bringing her up... I'm sorry, Lapis. When she showed up, I didn't—I didn't know what to do. I felt a whirlwind of emotions. I couldn't believe she made the effort to come to me. After we, well, 'broke up', I was always the one who'd make the first move. To ask her to hang out. To ask for comfort. So when she appeared, when she made the first move, I was—” Her eyes fall. “I can't... deny that... a part of me, however small that part is, _expected_ something from her.”

Lapis stares at a spot on Peridot's neck, glowing with sweat and flecked with sand. “Yeah,” She whispers. “I figured.”

“Lapis, I—”

“It's fine, Peridot.”

“Lapis, _please_ ,” She grabs Lapis's hands and forces herself up, causing the taller girl to straighten as well. Peridot bends over so that she's staring straight into Lapis's eyes, her hands wrapped around hers, their noses almost touching. “What I did wasn't okay. I'm—I'm sorry.”

Lapis blinks. She stares up at Peridot's earnest face, red from the shame and bright from the moon, and for a whole second all she can see is this face at the end of the altar, shielded by a transparent white veil, looking up at Lapis with expectancy, with longing, with love. Lapis's heart jumps to her throat. She doesn't expect it, but the affection that comes bubbling up within her, almost like a volcano mid-eruption, destabilizes her of words completely. Instead the only available reaction she finds is this compulsive urge to lean forward, so Lapis decides to do it. She leans forward and kisses her, their lips pressing together ever so softly. It isn't like any of their previous kisses. It lacks the drive and the fury, the longing and the need—but it's passionate all the same, and though it's slow and gentle, there's a sense of urgency to it as well, a message that desperately says, _I forgive you_.

By the time Lapis pulls away, her hands have found themselves cupped over Peridot's cheeks, her thumbs caressing the skin underneath her eyes. “I'm sorry too, stranger,” She whispers onto her lips. “We can consider this even.”

Peridot mumbles something against her lips before sighing. “You could probably stab me in the arm, kiss me, and I'd _still_ apologize.”

Lapis chuckles. “Wish I did that in the beginning then. Would've saved us the trouble.”

Peridot laughs. “And not go through the most intense— _and_ unnecessary—blow-out of our lives? Fat chance.”

“Oh, I don't know,” Lapis muses. “It might've saved me a few heart cells.”

“Might've made the trip a bit less... angsty, too."

Lapis laughs, her eyes fluttering close. “Jesus, we were a fucking mess.”

“All that screaming?” Peridot winces. “I'm surprised the others didn't abandon us at a gas station first chance they got.”

“They're a weird bunch, too kind for their own good.”

“Speaking of _them_ ,” Peridot looks out towards the sand, her eyes glazing over the stone path they had emerged from. “I hope they're not panicking or something. We did kind of just disappear out of nowhere.”

Lapis shoots her a grin. “Don't worry about that. I remembered to text Steven after the first round just in case.”

Peridot narrows her eyes, a smirk forming on her lips. “The _first round_?”

“Of... _y'know_ ,” Lapis raises her eyebrows and tips her head forward in a gesture. “Of _sex_.”

Peridot bursts out laughing, clutching her ribs underneath her breasts as she hits the ground in fits of laughter. Lapis is laughing too, but not nearly as wildly as Peridot is. “Okay, so that's an _extreme_ reaction!”

Peridot dissolves in a fit of giggles, her hand pressed against her mouth in a futile attempt to stop her chuckles. After a solid moment, she manages to calm herself down to at least open her eyes, and she stares back at Lapis with a light-headed brightness that seems both heavenly and impish at the same time. “You—You just—” She laughs again, before gradually forcing herself upright. “You just make me so happy.”

Lapis blushes. Which she really shouldn't be doing. She's seen Peridot naked, they've exchanged words in numerous occasions that could make even _cheese_ shudder—why does she wither and swoon every time Peridot says something painfully sweet? Even though it's been exchanged so many times already, Lapis still can't get over this. “Quit being a sap, dork.”

Peridot flutters her eyelashes. “Are you _blushing_ , Lapis Lazuli?”

Lapis laughs. Once. “No. What would make you—”

“My, look at how red you are.” Peridot leans in, her bright eyes twinkling. “Warm too. Sounds like a blush to me.”

Lapis rolls her eyes. “ I hate you, you know that?”

Peridot pauses, her gaze drifting downwards to her lips. With a smile, she lets loose a tiny laugh and says, “Yeah,” She leans in for a kiss, and Lapis happily obliges. “I know."

When they pull apart, Lapis can't help the goofy grin that spreads across the face. “Mmm. Should we head back?”

“I don't know, I kinda _really_ need a shower.”

“Who's to say we can't?” Lapis waggles her eyebrows. “We've got complementary access to the public baths. And since it's like, 3 AM or something I hardly doubt anybody's gonna be there.”

Peridot grins mischievously. “What an idea,” She muses, reaching over Lapis's shoulder to grab her underwear. “Let's not waste anymore time then.”

Lapis beams and says, “Right behind you, dork.”

Right before Peridot stands up, she leans over to peck Lapis quickly on the lips. Despite the brevity, Lapis can't help the flutter that erupts in her chest. It isn't just a kiss, it's a confirmation of a sort. A sealing-off. They've moved past their argument. They're _okay_. Lapis takes a breath, and then grabs Peridot by the wrist. “Hey, hold up.”

Peridot turns back with an eyebrow raised, her cute little butt already concealed by a pair of green panties. “What's up?”

“I just—” Lapis shakily gets to her knees and envelops Peridot in a hug. The littler girl doesn't expect it, but that isn't to say she doesn't appreciate it. In less than a second, she's hugging her back, her slim arms wrapped tightly around her neck.

Neither of them say anything to break the silence. But it doesn't matter either way, considering their embrace seems to be more than just an appreciative gesture of compassion. It's a message, a conversation in itself—Peridot can feel it in her heart, in her body, in her bones. She pulls away after a long moment, her breathing deep and heavy, and watches as Lapis's face scrunches together in gratitude.

Peridot shoots her a smile, takes her hand, and pulls her up. “Let's go.” She tells her.

* * *

 

 

 

Lapis wakes up the next morning sprawled across a thin duvet on the cabin floor. She groans as she turns, her right shoulder aching up something fierce. With much effort, she manages to blink enough times to see through the fogginess of her brain. She doesn't remember much, then again, her brain's in hardly any state to function properly. Her body feels like it's been coated in boiled animal fat—everything is so _heavy_. Lapis decides that it must be the lack of sleep. She remembers going to sleep very late last night, but she doesn't quite remember why. She doesn't remember drinking... So then why—

And then her vision adjusts and clears just enough for her to look around the room. Pieces slowly start egging their way back together. She stretches her arms, and then immediately realizes that her right hand is grasping on to something, something warm and slender and interlocked with her fingers. She turns to gaze at the sleeping body on the couch next to her, and the hand of that particular body clamped tightly around hers. It takes her a full moment to remember the situation.

She and Peridot tried to sneak in last night after their shower at 4 in the morning. It was close to 5 when they got back. Everybody was asleep, and they only had one key, so Lapis had to call Steven, who woke up rather grumpily, though he did assure them that their absence was no problem at all since he was absolutely wrecked from everything that had happened the day before. Lapis felt guilty that they couldn't have their 'party', but Steven actually looked _glad_ that it didn't happen. After he let them in, he threw Lapis a knowing look, gave her a satisfied nod, and then went back to bed.

Lapis and Peridot crashed in the living room while the other three snoozed inside the main room. Lapis insisted on taking the floor and insisted on her girlfriend sleeping on the couch. Peridot didn't have much say in the matter, considering Lapis is incredibly stubborn when she sets her mind on things. So they set up their beds and went to sleep... but not before Peridot reached out to grab her hand. She must've held it all night. Their fingers just... intertwined.

Lapis can't help but blush at the memory. She squeezes the hand in hers, still warm to the touch, and then shields her eyes with her free arm and takes a deep breath.

 _Oh my God, I'm so fucking smitten_ , Lapis thinks, laughing inwardly to herself. She feels like a high-school outcast who'd just been asked out by her crush-of-five-years. Not that she's speaking from experience...

“Mmm," Peridot groans in her sleep. "Lapis?”

Lapis bolts upright, her cheeks flushed. She stares at her girlfriend with wide, unblinking eyes. “Y—You awake, Peri?”

But the littler girl only groans in response. “Ten more minutes...”

With a smile, Lapis gives their intertwined fingers a soft kiss, before slowly retracting her fingers and standing up. Her body still feels as heavy as iron, but she manages to stabilize herself not long enough to lean in and press her lips gently against Peridot's forehead, mumbling a soft, “Good morning, beautiful,” before making her way to the bathroom to freshen up.

Peridot manages to pull herself out of bed about 20 minutes later after Lapis is done dressing up.

“The gang's at breakfast,” Lapis tells Peridot, grinning at her while she attempts to fix her messy blue hair. “Connie and her bridesmaids are here too, so you should hurry and get ready if you don't wanna miss it.”

Peridot groans, rubbing her eyes with her thumbs. “I haven't had this little sleep since college,” She sighs and turns to shoot Lapis a face. “How're you so awake?”

“Oh trust me, I'm not,” Lapis muses. “I'm about this close to going completely limp. The only thing keeping me upright is,” She nods her head at a nearby flask. “That.”

Peridot's eyebrows shoot up to her hairline. “How'd you—”

“Jasper and Ruby didn't go to sleep as early as Steven thought,” Lapis laughs. “They left a few bottles open in the bathroom. I swiped a few. Helped deal with the nagging lagginess.”

“Right, counter lagginess with even more lagginess, that'll work.” Peridot says smugly.

Lapis laughs and rolls her eyes. “Just go get ready already, dork.”

Half an hour later, the two leave the cabin to meet the others at a nearby trailer-cafe. As they're walking, Peridot reaches out to lace her fingers through Lapis's, their hands fitting perfectly together. Lapis stifles a smile, but unfortunately Peridot manages to catch it before she snubs it out.

“Oh?”

“Shut up.”

Peridot giggles, squeezing Lapis's arm with her free hand. “You're cute.”

Lapis rolls her eyes, her blush increasing tenfolds. “Quit kissing ass.”

“Oh, I wish.”

If Lapis were drinking, she'd do an immediate spit-take. Instead she chokes on her own saliva. “Wait, _what?!_ ”

Peridot winks. “What, a girl can't explore her sexual options?” She laughs, pulling Lapis further along the path with a spring in her steps and a light in her eyes that Lapis will love to the day she dies.

* * *

 

 

The first person they see upon entering the quaint little trailer-cafe is Sapphire. She's picking a track on the jukebox, her bangs brushed characteristically to one side and her ebony hair pulled back in a tight ponytail. She sees them entering and picks up a hand to wave.

“Hey!” Lapis says.

“Good morning,” Sapphire nods her head at them both. “Had a good sleep?”

Peridot shrugs. “As good as it can get, really.”

Sapphire laughs and then motions towards a booth in the back. “Everybody's over there. You can order your breakfast at the counter.”

“Much obliged, Sapphy,” Lapis does a little bow before following Peridot to the back booth.

Jasper, Steven and Connie are sitting on one side of the booth while Pearl, Amethyst and Ruby occupy the other. When Steven notices them approaching, he raises his glass—of what Lapis is assuming _coffee_ , considering it's way too early for anything else—and says in a loud voice, “Look who joined the party!”

Jasper and Ruby visibly flinch. It's only then that Lapis notices they're wearing sunglasses.

_Indoors...?_

“Jesus,” Jasper murmurs lowly, her hands pulled up to her ears. “Stop screaming everything, Steven!”

Steven smirks. “Sorry, am I being too _loud_ for you guys?” He raises his voice at the this. “ _Maybe we should play some music in here!_ ” He motions frantically to Sapphire, who throws him a thumbs up and turns back to the jukebox. In less than a second, she's got some 90s rock song playing. The beginning instrumental of Nirvana's _Smells Like Teen Spirit_ plays through the overhead speakers.

Jasper and Ruby groan in unison while the others try to hide their amusement.

“Goddammit,” Jasper mumbles.

“You're a damn prick, Steven.” Ruby says, glaring at him through the sunnies.

Lapis looks in between them, and then she laughs. “Oh my God, you two are _so_ smashed from last night. How much did you guys drink?”

“A few bottles,” Ruby murmurs, pressing her forehead against her open palm. “It was pretty rough."

"Oh, it wasn't that bad,” Jasper says, though she's obviously trying desperately to nurse a raging headache. “Just a few small bottles of whiskey. Some bourbon and malt.”

Ruby snorts. “'Small', she says. I wasn't the one who nearly puked all over the bathroom floor.”

“Yeah, but we got the doors to the porch open before that happened!"

Lapis makes a face. “Wait, did you—Oh Jesus, is that why the porch smelled like a dead fucking dog this morning?”

Steven laughs out loud, causing Jasper to cling to her head in agony. “No, it was just—” Jasper sighs. “ _Fine. Yes._ I'm _sorry_. Are you happy?!”

Lapis smirks. “Mildly.”

Steven, Jasper and Connie scoot aside to let Peridot in while Lapis grabs a chair from a nearby table. She sits at the end just as Sapphire comes back with a grin on her face. She sits by Ruby, who wraps a sluggish arm around her shoulder at her arrival.

“Are you alright?” Sapphire asks her wife.

Ruby groans in response. “Just cause Steven's the bachelor doesn't mean you have to actually go with whatever he tells you to do.” Lapis is assuming she means playing that rock song on the jukebox.

Sapphire laughs and says, “I'm sorry, love. He and Connie both wanted to do it. Who am I to refuse the demands of the nearly-weds?”

“Nearly-weds,” Steven repeats numbly, blinking, as if registering this just now.

Connie glances at him and smiles. “Getting cold feet, Steven?”

And then Steven snaps out of it and whirls around to face her. “Never,” He leans in to kiss her before tightening his hold around her shoulder.

Pearl, who—along with Amethyst—has been silent since Lapis and Peridot arrived, smiles and says, “How was spending one night apart?”

Steven pulls away and groans, his face a mask of terror and regret. “Horrible.”

Connie's expression isn't all that different. “I could barely sleep.”

“Me too.”

“Um, _excuse me_?” Lapis laughs, pointing an accusing finger at Steven. “You were fucking knocked out when we came back. We had to call like five times until you finally picked up the damn phone!”

Steven raises his hands in defense. “That was way into the night! When we got back from dinner, it took me two hours to knock out. _Two_!”

“ _Speaking_ of dinner,” Jasper muses, baring her canines at both Lapis and Peridot. “Where'd you two skip off to, huh? You guys didn't even finish your meals, you just... vanished.”

“Oh, I have an idea,” Ruby retorts, smirking.

Lapis shakes her head, a grin playing on her twitching lips. “Nosy much?”

Jasper laughs. “Well you know, yesterday you two couldn't even sit in the same room together and not argue like you hate each other's guts, and then you disappear for a whole night and reappear the next morning acting like you guys are lovesick teenagers who just hooked up in the back of Lapis's car?” She shrugs. “Brings about a bit of suspicion, if you asked me.”

“Don't know if you noticed, Jap, but no one actually did.”

Jasper makes a face. “You wanna go, Lap?”

“Also Lapis doesn't have a car,” Peridot says pointedly, as if this is the most important thing she picked up on from that entire sentence.

Steven laughs. “Right cause _that'd_ stop her from sleeping with you anyways.”

Lapis rolls her eyes. She can hardly believe her friends right now! What a bunch of suffocatingly nosy people!

God, she fucking loves them.

From her side, she feels a slight nudge. Looking over, she comes face to face with Peridot, who's staring at her with a little smile playing on those very-kissable lips. She leans in and whispers, “Want something to eat?”

Lapis beams. “Thought you'd never ask. I'm hella starving.”

Peridot giggles. “Well we _did_ kinda skip dinner last night,” She pats her on the knee. “What do you want? I'll go to the counter and order.”

“Eggs and bacon?”

Peridot smiles. “You got it.” She leans in to kiss her on the cheek before making her way to the counter. Lapis can't help it—her heart quickens and her cheeks warm up. She sighs to herself before sweeping her gaze across her group. That's when her eyes lock on Pearl, who seems to be staring straight at her.

With a raised eyebrow, Pearl nudges her head at Peridot, as if to ask, _You guys are good now?_

Lapis smiles gratefully and nods. _All good._

Pearl doesn't look satisfied. She wants to know why and how and when and where, but instead of inquiring about it, she gives a small sigh of gratitude and leans back in her seat. She shoots Lapis a small smile, and the girl returns it with one of her own.

“Amethyst, you okay? You've been real quiet the past few minutes.” Jasper says.

Lapis blinks, before directing her attention to the purple-haired Latina. True enough, she has been incredibly quiet since she and Peridot arrived. Now Lapis wouldn't have thought any differently of this, considering there are numerous reasons why one would decide not to be a charismatic socialite for a day—considering how fucking tiring that can actually be, right?—but then Amethyst whips her gaze to Lapis, and for one fleeting moment, Lapis can see the nervousness in them, the caution, the weariness, the fear—and Lapis... gets _suspicious_. But just as immediately as she had looked over, she immediately looks away.

“I, uh, yeah,” She murmurs, flashing a false smile. “Sorry. Just got a lot on my mind.”

Pearl looks at her confusedly too, but she doesn't question her about it.

“How was the bachelorette's party?” Lapis asks. She keeps her eyes on Amethyst, though her question remains addressed to everybody else (like Pearl, Connie and Sapphire).

Steven laughs and says, “We'd already gone through it, Lap. You missed it cause you were freakin' late!”

Lapis finally tears her gaze away to shoot Steven a scowl. “Okay, okay, let's calm down here! I had a rough night's sleep, can you blame me?!”

“Yeah, I bet it was rough.” Jasper muses.

Lapis rolls her eyes and kicks her in the shin.

“Ow!”

“Point is, you don't get to chastise me about my sleeping habits,” Lapis turns her gaze to Connie. “Now, bachelorette's party?”

Connie chuckles. “It was good! Sapphire, Pearl, Amethyst and I had a lot of fun!”

“We went to a casino!” Sapphire says, nodding enthusiastically.

Pearl rolls her eyes. “Those damned gamblers were so _pushy_.”

“Some of them were cute,” Sapphire says.

And Ruby immediately whirls around to face her—“Cute?!”—before turning away and groaning as her head splits open in pain. Sapphire drapes an arm over her shoulder and massages her back.

“Amethyst tried taking a dive in the hotel swimming pool,” Connie says. “ _Without permission_."

Amethyst looks up, her eyes wide and filled with amusement. She looks like she's starting to get a little bit of spunk back in her face. “Oh come on, Connie! You gotta live a little! Take risks! _Be a rebel_!”

Connie snorts. “I'd rather not get arrested a week before my wedding, thank you very much.”

Amethyst, in turn, blows a raspberry. “Boo, you're no fun.”

Peridot comes back at that moment, sliding into her seat next to Jasper (woah, who saw _that_ coming?) whilst simultaneously reaching out to put her hand over Lapis's. She gives it a squeeze before pulling away. The loss of contact makes Lapis sad. She wants more of that warmth, so she leans forward in her seat and sets her hand down on Peridot's knee. The shorter girl doesn't make any move to acknowledge the touch, though she does smile, just a little.

“Anyways, after that, we kinda just drove around Georgia trying to find a good balance between being properly sober to humiliatingly drunk.” Connie says.

“It was a difficult balance,” Pearl mumbles, shooting Connie a wry smile.

Connie only shrugs. “I wasn't the one driving! I had all the reason to drink as much as I wanted to!”

“Same here,” Amethyst muses, looking over at Pearl with a smirk. “You were the only one who offered to drive, so the responsibility was set on you!”

Pearl rolls her eyes. “If I knew there was going to be stripping involved, I would've—”

“Wait, wait, hold on—” Lapis leans forward, her eyebrows knitted together. “ _Stripping_?”

Sapphire giggles. “Connie wanted to do something daring.”

“Something _insane_ ,” Pearl corrects.

“Homegirl wanted to _live_ before she got chained off for life.” Amethyst says.

Steven shoots her a look. “Hey! That's not a nice way to phrase it.”

“So we went to the docks and, well,” Amethyst laughs. “We fucking skinny-dipped.”

“In the docks?!” Peridot echoes, her face paling. “That's—Nevermind the sanitary conditions, but isn't that a bit... I don't know,” She blushes. “ _Embarrassing_?”

Lapis shakes her head, clearly amused. “It's an exhibitionist's fucking dream.”

Connie colors. “I wasn't thinking of it _that_ way!”

“And how exactly were you thinking of it, Connie?” Lapis asks, laughing.

“With a drunken mind, clearly.” Pearl retorts sarcastically, throwing Connie a loose smirk.

“Oh man, it was fucking great,” Amethyst exclaims. “Reminded me a lot of my freshman year in college when my dormies and I would sneak out late to swim in this nearby lake. It was closed off. We weren't supposed to use it, but we did it anyway and it was amazing.”

Peridot perks up, her bright eyes sparkling. “I remember that! Old Jenny's Mirror!”

“Yeah!” Amethyst grins. “That was what we called the lake, because this woman called Old Jenny was the last person who owned the property before she passed without an heir."

“And the lake was so clear, it looked like a mirror,” Peridot says, nodding her head. “Our group used to do so much crazy shit together.”

“Yeah, no kidding. Like breaking in to the medicine department and stealing a bunch of drugs—”

“ _Medicinal_ drugs.”

“Drugs nonetheless! Last I checked, Peri, you weren't exactly concerned with whether or not they were health-beneficial!”

Peridot chuckles, turning away with a blush. “I was a wilder child then.”

Lapis stares from Peridot to Amethyst, gazing at their faces in a rhythmic turn. She isn't sure what she's supposed to be feeling. Her hand's still set atop Peridot's knee. Their exchange has left her feeling more confused than ever. Not as reactive, not as explosive, as before... But definitely... _something_. Thankfully, she hears the waiter calling out Peridot's name to pick up their food—it's a self-service kind of cafe—so she slips her hand from Peridot's knee and stands up.

“I'll go get that.” She says, turning away without a second's pause.

Now... It's hard to adequately explain what she's feeling at this moment. After all, she has no right to be angry or sad—they went through this yesterday already. That argument, that explosive anger, helped no one. So she's forcing herself to be calm, despite the gnawing in her stomach at the sight of Peridot and Amethyst so fluidly connecting with each other. The fact that they have history is... unnerving. But Lapis will be strong. She _will_ be there for Peridot. She won't spaz out again.

But of course, she needs her time to collect herself. So she takes as long as possible collecting the food. They're set atop a tray, so she fixes the utensils before diverting her attention to the sauces set on a platter at the corner of the counter. She reaches for the tomato sauce, brings it to the tray, contemplates her decision, then reluctantly puts the bottle back. It's a fair dilemma—tomato with her eggs and bacon or naw?

She's so caught up in her own thoughts that she doesn't notice the little figure appear beside her.

“Lapis,”

She jumps at the sound, whirling around to face the mysterious culprit.

“P—Peridot,” She whispers, flushing. “Sorry, you—you scared me.” She tries to laugh, but Peridot's face isn't anything to chuckle about. “Um... What's wrong?”

“Don't be like that.”

Lapis blinks. “Like—Like what?”

Peridot shifts uncomfortably. “I know what happened between me and Amethyst was—”

“N—No, Peridot,” She reaches out to squeeze her shoulder. “It's fine, really. I'm not gonna make a big deal out of it. It's—It's alright.”

Peridot's expression softens, her eyebrows furrowing downwards in concern. “Are you sure? You kinda just... _left_ really abruptly.”

“Sorry,” Lapis laughs. “Just cause I'm okay with it doesn't mean... Well,” She shrugs. “I just need some time to get used to it.”

There's a moment's pause. Peridot looks over her shoulder at the nearby jukebox, probably going through her options and gathering her feelings, before turning back to Lapis with a sigh. “You know I don't have any feelings for her whatsoever, right?”

Lapis forces a smile and nods. “Yup.”

“And you know I love you and only you, right?"

Lapis laughs, though it sounds suspiciously like a dry wheeze. “I hope so.”

Peridot frowns. “Lapis—”

“I mean, I _know_ , Peri, gosh,” She shakes her head and says, “Stop being so concerned, dork. I've got it.”

“I'm just... worried.”

“You don't have to be."

Peridot glances at her, probably wondering to herself if she should trust her or not, before shaking her head in defeat. “Okay,” She looks at the food and throws her a smile. “Need some help with that?”

“Naw, it's—it's good.” Lapis says. “I'll be able to handle it.”

Peridot's expression wavers. “Okay...”

Lapis waits a moment but neither of them say anything, leaving behind a semi-uncomfortable silence. Finally, Peridot releases a soft sigh and says, “I love you, Lapis.”

Lapis's heart squeezes. “I—” _Don't stutter_. But it's too late. “I love you too, Peri.”

Peridot's expression wavers. Their connection is too strong for Lapis's own good, she's obviously picking up some signs of tension. But Lapis is adamant. She will be better for Peri... It'll just take some time.

“Go ahead, babe,” Lapis whispers, nudging her head towards their booth. “I'll be back in a sec.”

Her blonde girlfriend's reluctant, but she knows there's nothing else she can do. With a nod, she slowly edges away, her gaze distant and withdrawn. Before she leaves, she turns back to throw Lapis one last look, and then she says, with a voice so soft nobody else but Lapis can hear, “I went through fires to reach you, Lapis.” She pauses, then says, “The least you can do is do the same for me.”

Words work in magical ways. Again, this sentence can be interpreted in a thousand different ways given the attitude and situation—and in this moment, with Peridot's expression squeezed together in worry and her voice dripping with longing... It's safe to say that she had no malicious intent in saying it. Because the way she said it...

It almost sounds like a _plea_.

Lapis watches her walk back to their booth and slide in to the seat next to Jasper. She turns back to their food, laying idly in the plastic red tray in front of her, before reaching out to grab it.

If yesterday had taught her anything, it's that she needs to shoulder some agonizing burdens. Relationships aren't always a 50/50 deal.

She looks up, and she locks gazes with Peridot.

Sometimes you have to be the one to carry that 70. Sometimes you have to give more, to be the one to dash through breaking mountains and falling buildings, to trudge through heartbreak and anxiety, to be there for the person that you love. So, putting on a smile and taking a deep breath, she makes her way back to the booth, where her friends are indulged in a lively conversation about college drama, and where her girlfriend is waiting for her.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YAY, you made it to the end! Thanks to all who read and are still sticking with me, despite my VERY long absence! 
> 
> Russian Translation:  
> 1- “Idi syuda, suka.” - “Come here, bitch.”  
> 2- “Poetomu u vas yest' mozg v kontse kontsov!” - “So you have a brain in the end!”  
> 3- "po'shyol 'na hui.” - “Fuck off/Fuck you”  
> 4- “Vy dolzhny byli skazat' men!” - “You should have told me!”  
> 5- "“Eto piz`dets.” - “This is fucked up.”
> 
> Because you guys are so sweet, I jam-packed this shit with a ton of drama.  
> Fun stuff, ain’t it?
> 
> Also I made this new Twitter account (@KyeWorks) to cater for my, well, “works”, like my writing and drawing and all that. I’m really active on Twitter, and I don’t wanna mix in my personal account with my public one (because my personal account’s filled with depressing tweets and interactions with live friends, also cause I deactivated it and I’m not sure when I’m gonna activate it again) so please be sure to follow me for daily updates and stuff! I’ll definitely be posting a lot there. Spoilers and polls and stuff like that. ALSO I WANNA CONNECT WITH YALL (in a non-creepy way *wink*) AND TWITTER IS A GREAT PLATFORM FOR DAT SO YA. 
> 
> I've got the basis for my next Lapidot fanfic, which is bad because I'm already working on another original project right now and I really gotta get that done before I start anything else! asdhquhwuhquwh
> 
> Ahh thanks for reading and see you next week!!!


	20. Decency

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Took me a while. Writer's block. Terrible thing. I feel like I lose motivation the closer I get to the end of a story. It's so weird. But here it is! Enjoy!

“Wait, hold on,” Jasper leans forward in her seat, her eyes wide with shock and badly-concealed horror. “You're doing _what_?!”

Lapis throws her a wry smile and hands her a bottle of beer, which she graciously accepts (and then downs in like two gulps). “It's _not_ that big a deal. I just thought it'd be a good chance to move past...” She pauses, gesturing to the air. “ _All of this._ ”

Jasper scowls and says, “Going on a double date with your ex and your _girlfriend's_ ex _is_ a 'big deal'. I'm _emphasizing_ the 'is'! It's—It's like an explosive just waiting to blow up!” She takes out her wallet and attempts to pull out a fifty-dollar bill, but Lapis immediately leans forward to push the money back into her hands.

“Nuh-uh,” She says, shaking her head.

Jasper frowns. “I've been free-loading off of you since the day you opened, Lapis. You gotta let me pay it back somehow.”

Lapis laughs. “Jasper, after everything we've been through, I'm pretty sure you've paid your debts.”

Jasper makes a face, but then she breaks into a smile and laughs. “We should start up our own show. Get bigger than Parks and Rec. We'd make _billions_.”

“Right, and who'd fund this little expedition?”

Jasper snorts. “The girl giving out free drinks to her friends all the time, of course!”

Lapis laughs, reaching underneath the counter to pull out another two bottles of beer. She hands one to Jasper and then uncaps the other, waiting for Jasper to drink before she does the same.

“Okay, but seriously,” Jasper exclaims, placing her bottle down. “You and Peridot and Amethyst and Pearl in one place together for a whole night?” She pales. “You'd _better_ have 911 on speed-dial.”

Lapis fidgets nervously, her thumbs twiddling with the paper labelling on the glass bottle in an unconscious attempt to soothe her anxiety. “Pearl was a little weirded out too.”

Jasper snorts. “Yeah, that doesn't surprise me,” She says. “How'd you even get her on board with it?”

“I told her it would help. It'd make us closer or something.”

“And you _really_ believe that?”

Lapis shakes her head in amusement, a smile tugging on her lips. “You really gotta curb my optimism, huh?”

Jasper laughs. “Okay, look. Buying a pet dog on a whim? Messy but understandable. Going on a double-date with your ex and your girlfriend's ex? Who are now dating _each other_? I don't know, Lap, shit like that tends to go south.”

Lapis sighs, leaning forward on her elbows. It's not like she'd made the decision on a whim. She thought about it constantly, trying to find a sane balance between being cheerfully optimistic and realistically pessimistic. But she took what Peridot said to heart. She's trying so desperately to be better for her, to be more understanding and caring. She wants Peridot to know she's making an effort. And she won't get anywhere if she doesn't at least _try_ to mend the damages, starting with her silent hostility towards Amethyst. Things aren't completely resolved yet... So she has to make the first move.

“And assuming it gets worse,” Lapis mumbles, staring down at her hands. “How... _bad_ can it get, really?”

Jasper furrows her brows. “You end up strangling Amethyst and getting thrown in prison?”

Lapis laughs humorlessly, staring up at her in worry. “O—Okay, hold on, let's not get too hasty—“

“And not to mention Peridot dumping you for killing a girl right in front of her eyes. I mean, the chaos is inevitable.”

Lapis pulls eyes, her eyes dangerously narrowed. “On second thought,” She murmurs, reaching forward to swipe the beer bottle out of Jasper's hands. “I don't think I'll be giving you free drinks anymore.”

Jasper bursts out laughing. “I'm fucking kidding, you pint! Give me the bottle!”

“No way, fuck you!”

“ _Lapis_!”

Lapis makes a face. “You don't get to doubt my sanity and walk away with a free drink!”

Jasper rolls her eyes, leaning forward on her elbows. “Look, I was just kidding! There's no way that's gonna happen, alright?” With a light-hearted chuckle, she adds, “Besides, if all else fails, at least Peridot'll know you _tried_. That's what's important, isn't it?”

Lapis stares at her for a long moment. She's less than inclined to forgive her, but Jasper's got a point. And despite being an emotional train-wreck, she knows when a victory's been made. With a sigh, she hands the bottle back to her—all-too-amused—friend. “Yeah, effort's all the rage. Since when have relationships been so hard?” She shakes her head and repositions herself behind the counter. “But enough about me. How're things with you and your marine girlfriend?

Jasper raises an eyebrow, her lips pulled back in a smirk. “Ever the one to change the subject.”

Lapis shrugs. “Just didn't think there was anything more to be said about it.”

“Mmhm, sure,” Jasper chuckles. “Well, Eyeball and I are doing good. Though I don't think we're really dating yet, so calling her my 'girlfriend' is a little premature.”

“Wait, what do you mean?” Lapis asks, her expression pulled together in confusion.

Jasper shrugs. “We aren't taking things too seriously. She wants to go slow, I wanna go slow. Emotions are hard, y'know? Commitment's... Commitment's hard.”

Lapis's eyebrows shoot up to her hairline. “Huh,” She muses. “Surprising, coming from you.”

Jasper laughs. “Cause of what happened with Peridot?” She shrugs. “Trust me, the last thing I want is another repeat. I'm going through my whole contact list making sure nobody's dated a short ex-marine called 'Ruby'.” She takes another swig of her beer—a long one, worthy of suspicion—before breathing out heavily through her mouth. “We're in it for the physicality of it. Don't get me wrong, I really like her. And I know she likes me too,” She grins. “But we're young. We're still exploring. Still looking. I like being with her... for now. But who knows what's gonna happen in the future.”

Lapis nods slowly. “Still... _pretty_ surprising.” She says, laughing.

Jasper chuckles, “Yeah, I know. But after the drama with me, you and Peridot... And especially after Steven's bachelor party? Man,” She shivers. “Relationships _are_ hard. I'm just—I'm not so ready to go through all of that again, you know?”

“Yeah,” Lapis whispers, glancing down at the beer bottle in her hands, now stripped naked of its paper labeling. “I know what you mean.”

Jasper shoots her a sympathetic smile and reaches over to pat her on the shoulder. Right at that moment, the door swings open, and in steps a woman dressed in a neat pant suit, with her usually-messy bangs swept back and her hair tied in a ponytail. She's carrying a dark messenger bag and has her sky blue eyes narrowed pointedly at the phone in her hand. When she looks up, she flashes both Jasper and Lapis a warm smile before sauntering over to them.

“Hey, look who it is!” Jasper exclaims, scooting over to let the woman sit beside her.

“It's weird seeing you without your counter-part,” Lapis says, chuckling. “I mean, not to say you aren't your own person without. But, y'know,” She shrugs. “Just weird.”

The woman smiles and says, “I don't want to imagine a world where someone doesn't say that to me at least twice a day.”

Lapis blinks, and then her cheeks burn with embarrassment. With a cheeky grin she pulls away to grab a drink from underneath the counter. “Jesus, Saph,” She murmurs, laughing. “Your love for Ruby is my kryptonite, it _hurts_.”

Sapphire smiles, her almond-shaped eyes crinkling with warmth. “Just a fact, Lapis. And thank you, by the way,” She refers to the drink, grabbing it from Lapis's hands with a grace only Pearl could ever rival.

“So where is your worse half?” Jasper asks with a smirk.

“She said she's meeting me here soon. She just finished training.” Sapphire takes a sip, then says, “She got knocked over the head by a new boxer so you can be sure to expect some commotion when she arrives.”

Jasper gapes. “No way _._ Ruby got owned by a _freshie_?” She laughs so hard her shoulders quiver from the force. Lapis still admires her ability to find so many things amusing. “I'm gonna tease her so fucking hard about this!”

Sapphire smiles nervously. “I'd rather you not overdo it, Jasper. The last time you pissed her off, she broke a chair and nearly used one of its legs to stab you in the chest.”

Jasper nods, her grin widening. “Never have I ever been so amused to almost-die before. Totally worth it.”

“You're a fucking weirdo,” Lapis mumbles.

“I agree,” Sapphire says, chuckling behind the bottle head.

“Hey, Ruby's a fucking kill-joy when she isn't drunk on her emotions, she just needs a little push to be fun!” Jasper says. She glances at her bottle before taking another heavy swig, waiting a moment before slamming the bottle down on its butt. “ _Anyways_. Sapphie, whaddya' think about this?” She twists her upper body so that she's facing her. “Lapis and Peridot. Pearl and Amethyst. All in the same room together—but alone—for one whole night.”

Lapis immediately makes a face. “Why you gotta be like this?”

Jasper laughs. “It's just a question. Jesus!”

Sapphire takes a moment to process this, her head tilting slightly towards her shoulder, lips pursed, eyebrow raised. With a brief glance at Lapis, she says, “The probability of disaster is high.”

Jasper claps her hands together and shouts, “ _Ha_!”

“ _Jasper_ ,” Lapis hisses, glaring at her. “I am so tempted to kick your ass right now.”

Jasper steps out of her seat and bends over with her ass waving in the air. “Try it, pint!”

Lapis's eyes flash. “Oh _that's it.”_

As hard as Sapphire tries to get the two to calm down—which isn't hard at all, considering she uses her words to defuse situations, not her fists—Jasper and Lapis don't separate from their tangled mess of limbs until Lapis manages a solid whack over her head, causing Jasper to fall onto her knees groaning. The bartender huffs, her face red with adrenaline and hair sticky with sweat. She stands, dusts herself off, and then makes her way behind the counter.

“I hope you _die_.”

Jasper manages a chuckle. “You hit like a girl.”

Lapis stiffens, but before she can launch another—painfully exaggerated—attack, Sapphire steps in, raising her now-empty bottle in front of her face. “Could I get another?” Lapis turns to her, her face still pulled together in distaste. Without another word, she reaches underneath to grab a bottle of beer before placing it on the counter. Sapphire flashes her a smile. “Thank you.”

Jasper's still laughing when she gets back on her stool, the back of her head throbbing something fierce. Her blonde mane's an unruly mess—even more so than usual—and her face is slick with sweat. She and Lapis look like they've just been out of a brawl. Which isn't an unusual weekly occurrence, if Sapphire's memory serves her right.

“So it _is_ happening, then?” Sapphire asks. Lapis turns to her with an eyebrow raised, and though it's obvious from her uneasy expression that she already knows what she's talking about, Sapphire feels the need to reiterate it. “You're going on a double-date with Amethyst and Pearl?”

Lapis takes a deep breath. “Yeah,” She murmurs, scratching the back of her neck. “Thoughts? Other than that whole high-disaster-probability thing.”

Sapphire chuckles softly. “Sorry about that. I wanted to mess with you a little.” She adjusts her position on the stool before saying, “I think it's a good idea. It's risky, but if you play your cards right, you might just walk out of it unscathed.”

“You make it sound like a suicide mission,” Jasper muses.

“It very well could be.”

“Great,” Lapis groans. “I totally need this right now.”

Sapphire offers her a smile. “Lapis, your relationship with certain members of our group—and I'm talking about very _specific_ members of our group—is affecting the dynamic of our whole friendship. I don't know if you noticed, but ever since you and Pearl broke up, and Pearl and Amethyst got together, and even worse—when _you_ and _Peridot_ started going out—things have changed. There's always some kind of tension. There's always an elephant in the room,” She pauses, and shrugs, “I just want things to go back to normal. Ruby does too.”

Jasper watches her, and then sighs. “Sometimes normal isn't that easy.”

“Yes,” Sapphire says. “But _you_ managed to reach it, didn't you? Even though Lapis and Peridot are now together?”

Jasper stiffens, her cheeks coloring slightly, before throwing them both a meek smile and mumbling a “Maybe?”

Lapis bites her lip, her thoughts racing. She knows Sapphire's right. It's been a rough few months. The tension in the group's been real and it's been deadly, but she's always thought her friends were okay with it so long as they were all together in the end. But she supposes their friendship _was_ a whole lot more fun before everything combusted into a giant shit pile. She needs to rectify her mistakes. She owes her friends that much. But it isn't just her—to make this work, everybody needs to put in their two-cents. She just hopes the rest realizes that tonight.

“Where are you guys going?” Sapphire asks.

Lapis glances at her friendly face glowing with compassion and years of understanding. Honestly, how is she a lawyer? With her pure character, she'd be better suited to be a therapist or a nurse... but a _lawyer_? Talk about ironic. “The pizza parlor downtown. The one opposite Smith's?”

Jasper scoffs. “Classy.”

“Actually, I think it's the perfect choice,” Sapphire says. “Amethyst would appreciate a place so casual, and the atmosphere wouldn't be as uneasy, because there'd be less pressure.”

Lapis throws Jasper a pointed look, as if to say, _See?_ but Jasper only laughs in response. That big doofus is so annoying! Lapis wants to hit her again.

“What time?” Sapphire asks.

Lapis gulps nervously. “In like two hours?”

With a laugh, the dark-haired lawyer reaches over to grab Lapis's hand, and then she squeezes. “Well,” She murmurs, smiling. “ _Good luck_.”

Lapis flushes. She glances at Jasper's grinning face, and then at Sapphire, and her heart drops to her stomach. With a queasy smile, she nods and says, “Thanks.”

_With a situation like this, I'll fucking need it_ .

* * *

 

“When'd you start motorcycling?”

Lapis keeps her gaze on her reflection on the store window. The sight of her loose shoulder T and jean shorts should make her feel better about herself, considering it's the outfit most likely to make her seem  _especially_ hot. But have you  _seen_ Amethyst's rack? And her curvy shape? Jesus Christ, talk about insecurity issues. Lapis knows it's a little immature to be so fixated on appearances, but she wants to make an  _impression_ . It's in her blood to be...  _dominating_ . Yeah, that's one way to put it. She whirls around to face the blonde cutie dressed—not unusually—in a simple white T, grey hoodie and jeans. With a forced smile, she says, “When I turned 19. Just moved to New York and wanted a quick way to get around.”

Peridot doesn't look like she registered that. She's too busy staring intensely at Lapis to notice anything at all, really. With an open-mouthed fish look, she gapes down at her body with a blush so bright it could rival the sun. But nevermind the adorableness of her expression, how does she manage to look so stunning in just a simple white T and jeans?

“What?” Lapis muses, grinning.

“N—Nothing,” Peridot stutters, glancing up at her eyes before sheepishly shifting down to her body once again. “I'm sorry, uh,” She jabs a thumb over her shoulder and asks, “Should I change? To something—Um, not _this_?” 

Lapis winces. “What? No! No, geez, Peri, you look fine.” She laughs. “We're going to a Pizza Parlor, not a Michelin restaurant.”

Peridot is still blushing when she says, “Well, you can't blame me for assuming. It's—It's tough matching a girl who can literally make just about any outfit seem crazily attractive.”

Lapis withholds the fact that she's been saving this little outfit for this occasion alone for quite some time now. She also withholds the fact that she's tested this outfit—don't ask how—on several  _subjects_ in the past to determine its effectuality in stimulation. Sufficed to say, this outfit is not just some random outfit, but Peridot doesn't need to know that right now. “Aren't you the little charmer?” 

Peridot rolls her eyes, but she's still red, and it's cute, so Lapis takes a step forward and kisses her on the lips before she can say anything else. Peridot actually  _moans_ at the contact. How effective  _is_ this outfit? 

“S—Sorry,” She whispers onto her lips, giggling dumbly like a pre-school student getting her first peck. “You caught me off-guard.”

Lapis pulls away with a sly smirk. “Don't need to apologize,” She laughs and grabs her by the wrist, dragging her towards the motorcycle parked at the side of the curb. “Turning my girlfriend on is  _kinda_ the plan.” 

Peridot laughs nervously. “At our  _double-date_ though?” 

Lapis shrugs, handing Peridot her helmet, to which she—still reluctantly—straps on her head. “In any occasion, dork.” She flashes her a smile. “My girlfriend deserves the best.”

With a roll of her eyes, Peridot steps forward to wrap her arms around Lapis's waist. And then she leans upwards ever so slowly, causing Lapis's spine to prickle with longing. She shuts her eyes, and their lips meet in unison. Sweet and tangible. Needy and possessive.

When Peridot pulls away, she whispers onto Lapis's lips, “I've already got the best, my hot, young bartender. Dressed up or not,” She kisses her again. “There's nothing in this world that can compare.”

Is it possible for a heart to physically melt? To get all sweltered and flustered that it literally starts shedding pieces? Because that's exactly what Lapis's heart feels like—wet and dripping. Hot and heavy. She takes a breath and laughs. “Honest to God, how are you  _mine_ ?” 

Peridot blushes, though she's still smiling that adorable smile of hers. “I ask myself that question at least three times a day,” Her gaze flints downwards towards her body again. “And I still don't have the answer.”

Lapis can't help it. She's totally getting off on Peridot's reactions right now. With a grin, she gets on her bike, Peridot following after her, and together they zoom down the streets in a flurry, heading southbound towards Lapis's inevitable doom. At least she had a little fun before things went to shit, right?

Oh boy. Here we go.

When they step into the parlor, Amethyst and Pearl are already seated in a booth by the corner. They're huddled together, Pearl's arm wrapped over Amethyst's shoulder and the girl's face buried in the crook of her neck. She's whispering something into her ear. Pearl laughs, smacks her and then sets her face into a rigid expression, though the light is still brimming exquisitely in her eyes. Amethyst then shrugs and says something in response, causing Pearl to laugh again. Lapis can't help but think this would be the perfect scenario for one of Ed Sheeran's songs to play.

_He said something to make you laugh._

_I saw that both your smiles were twice as wide as ours._

_You look happier, you do._

Rest assured, the context doesn't apply, but Lapis still muses about the relatability. Peridot grips her hand and squeezes.

“Nervous?”

Lapis laughs, before clearing her throat. “I've received bad reviews about the outcome of this... _gathering.”_

Peridot shoots her a look. “Reviews?” She laughs. “From who?”

“Y'know, the usual. Jasper, Sapphire,” She shrugs. “Getting a prediction from a _lawyer_ that the double-date's bound to end in disaster is—” She takes a deep breath. “Less than comforting.”

Peridot squeezes her hand again, and there's just something about her hold that makes Lapis feel just that bit better. “You know I appreciate this, right?”

Lapis turns to throw her a nervous smile. “Yeah.”

“And you know I plan to show my appreciation in a—” Her gaze drifts downwards towards her body again. “—very _personal_ way.”

Lapis's mouth goes dry. “Oh-ho,” She muses, waggling her eyebrows. “My girl sure knows how to strike a bargain.”

Peridot laughs, and she latches onto her arm, leaning up to kiss her quickly on the cheek. “ _Your girl_ is seriously in love with you.”

Lapis blushes, her lips spreading out into a grin on their own. She wraps her arm around her waist just as they get to the table. “Hey!” She says, raising her free hand to wave.

Pearl smiles and Amethyst raises a hand in response.

“Are we late?” Peridot asks, sliding into the seat opposite Pearl. Lapis follows after her.

“No, we're just early,” Pearl says, nodding towards Amethyst. “She thought the date was at 5:30, not _6_ :30.”

Amethyst shrugs, her expression nonchalant but bright. “Soz, I read the text wrong. Not that it mattered in the end since it took 20 minutes to get downtown anyways!”

Pearl smirks, her eyes glazing over both Lapis and Peridot in curiosity. “ _Honestly_ ,” She says. “You two have such opposite senses of style.”

Lapis looks at Peridot's outfit. Then she turns back to Pearl. “It complements.” She says with a smile, to which Peridot responds by lacing her fingers with Lapis's underneath the table. She runs her thumb over her knuckles, her touch firm but gentle. Lapis's smile stretches just that bit wider.

“So,” Pearl says, leaning forward on her elbows. “We got two pepperoni pizzas, plus an island supreme. That's enough, right?”

Peridot laughs. “ _More_ than enough.”

“Eh,” Amethyst shrugs. “We might need to order a fourth. Maybe later.”

Peridot snorts. “Right, I forgot how fucking _huge_ your stomach is.”

Amethyst throws her a grin. “Consumption's important! I'm a growing girl.”

“At 23 years old?” Peridot shakes her head. “I don't think so.”

“She likes to disagree,” Pearl murmurs, giving Amethyst a slow, hard look.

Lapis blinks. She waits a moment, and then she says, “That could be a sexual reference.”

Pearl snaps her gaze to Lapis. “About _growing_? What the hell is she _growing_ , Lapis?”

Amethyst covers her mouth to keep herself from laughing, but she bursts out in snorts anyways. Pearl, in turn, jabs her in the rib. “Have _some_ decency, at the very least!”

“Does she even know the definition of it?” Peridot muses, pressing her cheek against the palm of her hand.

Amethyst pauses just long enough to shoot Peridot a glare. “And what do _you_ know about decency, Peridot Guntherson? Last I checked, you weren't exactly the mayor of goodsville.”

Lapis's eyebrows pique up in interest. “Do tell,” She murmurs, leaning forward. “Now that I think about it, I don't really know much about Peridot's past. She doesn't bring it up much.”

Peridot glances at her. “I like to leave the past where it belongs. In the _past_.”

Pearl snorts. “Sounds like a cover-up to me.”

Peridot gapes at her. “ _You_ too?”

“Well, first off, you gotta know that her crummy uptight appearance was only a facade to this seriously freaky personality!” Amethyst says.

“Crummy uptight appearance?” Peridot grumbles beneath her breath.

“Freaky personality, huh?” Lapis echoes, grinning. She glances at Peridot with a sneer. “What has she been keeping from me?”

“ _Well,_ ” Amethyst starts, her voice dripping with enthusiasm and amusement. “Did she tell you about that time she strut into the Science hall in only her underwear? It was—”

“ _Amethyst_!” Peridot reaches forward to grab at her shirt, but Lapis immediately intercepts, pushing an arm out to block her way.

“Nuh-uh, I wanna hear this!”

Peridot shoots her a look. “ _Lapis!_ ” She whines.

Amethyst laughs. “Oh, trust me, it's a _good_ story. Peridot nearly got fuzzed by the cops! It took her all day to get out of that shit. Our college dormies Peach and Basil had to act as alibis even though they were _high_ as _fuck,_ and we had to bribe the local baker to deliver thirty pounds of brownies to the police station _just_ to get them off our backs.”

“Woah, woah, slow down!” Pearl exclaims, shaking her head. “Start from the top. That was way too confusing.”

Peridot groans. “Do we _have_ to?”

“I don't know, Peri. Cops and weed and bribe brownies?” Lapis clicks her tongue and shrugs. “Sounds like an epic story to me.”

Peridot pauses for a moment, breathing out a heavy sigh of frustration. “You're all space pirates,” She mumbles. “And I hope misfortunate rains down on you from above.”

Lapis snorts. “Nerd.”

Amethyst grins, leaning forward on her elbows. “So _anyways_ , before anything else, you gotta know about Peridot's addiction to a certain _drug_ at the time.”

Lapis pauses, her expression stony. She turns to Peridot and works her jaw, brows pulled tightly together. “You were an addict?”

Peridot colors. “ _No_ , I wasn't—It wasn't—” She sighs. “Amethyst, please _clarify._ ”

Amethyst grins. “She was into heroin—”

“— _Heroines._ ” Peridot corrects, glaring at her. “As in, _superhero comic book female heroes_.”

Lapis blinks. She opens her mouth, clamps it shut, and then quietly asks, “Are you being serious right now?”

Peridot deflates. “ _Yes_! It was—It was a _phase._ ”

”But Amethyst called it a drug.”

“Because she acted like it was one!” Amethyst exclaims. “She was so obsessed with it. Talked about it non-stop for a solid three weeks.”

Peridot sighs, her shoulders sagging. “And they never let me forget it.”

“There was this one super-heroine or whatever that she was _majorly_ obsessed with,” Amethyst raises a hand and does a strange gesture that Peridot immediately recognizes (because she groans at the sight of it). “Diva Tori or somethin'—”

“ _Dejah Thoris_ ,” Peridot immediately corrects. “If you're gonna tell the story, tell it right.”

Amethyst makes a 'pfsh' sound and says, “Whatever. But yeah. She was a superhero with the skimpiest taste in clothing.”

“I wouldn't say _skimpy_ exactly—”

“She wore literally two articles of clothing, Peri,” Amethyst raises two fingers and then drops each accordingly. “A bra and a thong.”

“You are—” Peridot colors as she tries to gather her thoughts. “— _totally_ over-exaggerating this.”

Amethyst smirks. “Uh-huh.”

Lapis whirls around to face Peridot with an eyebrow raised and her eyes cloudy with concern. “Hold on, don't tell me—”

“It is _exactly_ what you think.” Amethyst says smugly. “Peridot got super wasted one night at a college sorority party—”

“God, Amethyst, please don't.” Peridot whispers, her head buried in her hands.

“—and one of the girls—she was a _total_ bitch—she convinced her that she'd be the coolest girl on campus if she showed up to class _cosplaying_ for one of her heroines. Peri got all onboard with it. Obvo, the alcohol helped. They didn't crash. They stayed up all night doing whatever sorority girls do—”

“Like make out?” Lapis asks, turning to Peridot. “Did you guys make-out?”

Peridot colors like a ripening tomato. “We are not having this discussion.”

“—so when Peridot showed up to class the next morning, she was _still_ wasted off her ass.”

“Let me guess,” Pearl says, laughing. “She showed up to class in only her underwear because she was trying to cosplay as this... dejah thoris?”

Peridot leans forward as if she's about to argue, but then she pauses, staring forward at Pearl with her eyebrows furrowed and her lips pursed. She blinks, and then says, “I can't believe you remembered her name.”

Pearl shrugs.

“Ding-Ding-Ding! P got it right!” Amethyst exclaims. “Peridot showed up to class in her tighty-whities and those sorority-girls-from-Hell laughed their asses off in the hallway.”

Peridot grumbles, “I'd like to see somebody challenge that level of humiliation.”

“I don't think that somebody exists,” Pearl says amusedly.

“Hold up, I haven't even gotten to the best part yet!” Amethyst says. “The professor got so steamed about Peri's stunt, she called the cops! Blowed her shit. And technically, it _was_ kind of considered a 'public disturbance' and 'unethical conduct' or whatever, so that tight-ass professor managed to squeeze her complaint through. Plus Peri was underage at the time—only 19, fresh out of high school. The worst charge was underage drinking. Peri was in the boils, and she had to fight her way out. But the evidence was right there, right? _Everybody_ saw her strut into the room screaming, 'Where is my husband John Carter?!'”

Pearl gapes at Peridot. “You _didn't_.”

Peridot sighs. “Trust me, I _wish_ I didn't.”

“Guntherson, you're a fucking weirdo.” Lapis murmurs, causing the shorter blonde to whirl around and jab her in the ribs. “Ow!” She says while laughing.

“And how'd you get out of that one?” Pearl asks.

Peridot turns to give Amethyst the stink-eye, but she reluctantly starts talking. “Mrs. Brown wasn't gonna let me walk out of the classroom unscathed. I needed reinforcements.”

Amethyst snorts. “ _That's_ what you wanna call it?”

“Hey! If we're telling this shitty story, we're doing it my way!”

Amethyst rolls her eyes, but she's grinning. “Whatever you want, Peri!”

“Anyways,” Peridot says, leaning back with her arms crossed over her chest. “The only people I knew who'd back me up with NQA were our dormies Peach and Basil.”

“Hold on,” Pearl mumbles. “NQA?”

“No questions asked.” Peridot, Amethyst and Lapis say in unison.

Pearl blinks, and then pulls away with her hands in the air. “Okay, sorry I'm not rehearsed in weird criminal acronyms.”

Amethyst drapes an arm around her girlfriend's shoulder. “It's okay, P. Nobody's perfect.”

Pearl rolls her eyes. “Yeah, tell me about it.”

“So, Peach and Basil,” Lapis murmurs, turning to shoot Peridot her hazy look of seduction (that's what she likes to call it. Steven says it looks more like her 'I wanna go to bed and pass out' look, but they always agree to disagree). “I'm guessing those weren't their real names.”

Peridot smiles, and it seems she's catching on to that whole 'hazy look of seduction' thing, because her gaze travels down to her lips for just a wild moment before shooting back up to her eyes. “They weren't. They were high stoners. Couldn't tell the sky from the ground. The only thing I knew about them that was set in concrete was the fact that they were both... well... _stoners_.”

“But you guys were friends?”

Peridot nods. “Oh yeah, we hung out every weekend. They were the ones who followed us down to Old Jenny's Mirror.”

“Uh-huh,” Lapis laughs. “I'm kinda glad I hadn't met you back when you were in your ignorant freaky college phase.”

The edge of Peridot's lips quirks upward in a smirk. “What makes you think it was a phase, Lazuli?”

“Oh-ho, now you're just asking to be fucked.”

Peridot's eyes fly open with panic. She kicks her underneath the table, but there's no need for discretion because Pearl and Amethyst are too busy trying to flag down a waiter to keep track of their order (since it's been like 15 minutes since they placed it) to hear what they're saying. “Are you _trying_ to get people to think we have no limits?” She shout-whispers.

Lapis grins. “I don't see the problem here, Ms. Wild-Child. I mean it hardly compares to strutting into a lecture hall in only your tighty-whities.”

Peridot groans and turns away. “I am _never_ going to live this down.”

“It's a tale I'll take down to my grave.”

“I wanna take _you_ down to your grave.”

“With tenacious sex? I'm all on-board.”

Peridot glances at her with a sneer that very-quickly transforms into a smirk. “I really hate you.”

“Keep telling yourself that,” Lapis murmurs. “And maybe someday it'll be semi-true.”

Peridot's hand somehow finds its way between Lapis's thigh, and though the blue-haired bartender is doing her best not to let it show that anything's particularly out of the ordinary, she can't help but breathe out a laugh at the bold move. Lapis can't deny that it's driving her wild—this forbidden urge to want to fuck her right here and now on this dirty pizza table.

“You okay?” Pearl asks, turning back to face them.

Lapis shoots her a smile and nods, pressing her cheek against her open palm. “Never been better.”

Pearl raises an eyebrow. “You're acting weird.”

“No, I'm not.” Lapis says. “Where's our order?”

“On its way,” Amethyst mutters, leaning forward with her brows furrowed. “Can't believe they forgot. What kinda shit service—”

“We are in a downtown pizza parlor, Amethyst. What did you expect?” Peridot asks, chuckling.

Amethyst shrugs, throwing her arms up in the air. “ _Some decency, maybe_! I mean, _honestly? We've been waiting for twenty minutes!_ ”

“Oh my God,” Pearl mumbles, burying her face in her hand. “Please lower your voice and stop being so embarrassing.”

Amethyst glares at her. “ _I'm making a statement, Pearl_!”

Pearl returns her glare. “No, you're just being _rude_ and _inconsiderate_. Put your hands down.”

Amethyst scoffs. “I'm a consenting adult. I can do whatever the hell I want.”

“Put your hands _down_ , Amethyst, or I swear to God I'll—”

“ _Hey_ , so, I never got to finish my story!” Peridot exclaims, staring at the two of them in panicked concern.

Lapis nods frantically. “Yes, please, do continue,” She glances from Pearl to Amethyst before quickly shifting to Peridot. “I'm really curious about, um, those sorority-girls-from-Hell. I mean, did you make out or not?”

Peridot jabs her in the ribs again. “ _Not helping_ , _Lapis_.”

“Kidding! So, Peach and Basil.” Lapis says, laughing awkwardly. “Huge stoners. That's great. How'd they convince the cops you weren't fucked up wasted and dumb as shit?”

“I really, _really_ hate you.” Peridot mumbles.

“That's one of the best parts!” Amethyst exclaims, completely forgetting about her previous predicament with Pearl. Her counterpart, however, seems less than pleased about the quick change of behavior. She breathes out a heavy sigh, but, eventually, decides to drop it, focusing instead on the menu in front of her with deep concentration. “See, Peach does this thing where he recites lyrics from old songs but you can't actually tell he's reciting lyrics cause he sounds like he's just randomly talking—”

“Hold on,” Lapis says quickly, raising a hand. “Peach is... a guy?”

Peridot nods. “Red flag to the whole fake name thing.”

Lapis nods mutely. “Makes sense.” She says. “So what, did Peach totally fool the cops by reciting a bunch of old song lyrics?”

Amethyst's grin widens. “What do _you_ think?”

“No,” Pearl says, shaking her head. “No way. I refuse to believe that actually worked. You're making it up.”

Amethyst laughs. “I'm _totally_ not making it up!”

“She really isn't,” Peridot muses. “Peach recited the lyrics to Highway to Hell by AC/DC. Thinking about it now, I have _no_ idea how he pulled it off. But he did.”

“And Basil has this really weird aura,” Amethyst says. “Like he makes you feel inferior somehow.”

Peridot says, “His hulking stature's probably got something to do with it too.”

“Yeah, so he's like that friend you take whenever you wanna convince someone to do something for you. Basil just stands there, stares at you and _boom—_ you're intimidated. It's some fucking trick. I don't get it. So when the cops saw him, they didn't go unaffected. When Peach stated blabbering on about stop signs and Satan and shit, the cops were too frazzled about Basil to really notice that Peach was high as _fuck_.”

“So was Basil,” Peridot adds.

“But Basil doesn't say shit.”

“He just nods and stares and frowns and has this poker face all the time like he wants to kill everybody—”

“The _most_ accurate description, I swear to God.” Amethyst says. “So yeah, cops didn't notice their weed-baked eyes, and they believed em', but they were still kinda sketchy about the situation.”

“We got them to believe that I was with Peach and Basil the night before, but it didn't really matter cause I needed _proof_ that I wasn't under the influence of alcohol.”

“That's when Peach panicked.” Amethyst grumbles, rolling her eyes. “And when Peach panics—”

“—He says the stupidest things.” Peridot finishes.

“So,” Lapis looks at the both of them and then slowly says, “This is where the brownies come in?”

Amethyst nods. “Dumbass told the cops that Peridot was at his dad's _bakery_ the night before helping them dough out thirty pounds of brownies.”

“Fun fact,” Peridot says. “Peach's dad _wasn't_ a baker.”

Amethyst nods. “Nor was he even in the country.”

Pearl snorts. “Okay, how much bullshit can a guy really tell?”

“You'd be surprised!” Peridot exclaims, laughing. “Peach is the stupidest damn guy I know. It's—It's a miracle we got out of that situation alive. If we hadn't done what we had, we might've gotten into _more_ trouble than I was originally in.”

“Yeah, aiding and abetting an underage drinker?” Amethyst clicks her tongue. “Imagine the criminal charges.”

“Ha-ha, shut the fuck up.”

“So you bribed a local baker to send over thirty pounds of brownies and claimed it was Peach's dad's?” Lapis guesses.

Peridot shakes her head. “Wasn't that simple. No ordinary bakery sold _thirty pounds_ of brownies just _casually_.”

“Nor were any bakers keen on selling it off to cops who wanted it as _evidence_ ,” Amethyst adds.

“Good point.” Lapis says, nodding. “So, what'd you do?”

Just then, a waiter comes by with three pans of crusted pizza. He sets them down in front of them—at which point Amethyst doesn't even resist the temptation to drool (and Pearl doesn't resist the urge to smack her on the shoulder for being so incredibly unrestrained)—before asking them if they want anything else. Lapis asks for a bottle of beer while Peridot asks for some iced tea, and so he leaves with a quick nod and another quick apology. Peridot laughs as she watches him scurry off.

“I think you scared off the customer service.”

Pearl rolls her eyes. “Oh, they'll grow out of it. They were the ones who forgot our order in the first place.”

Amethyst nods, reaching forward to grab two separate pizza slices from two separate pizza flavors. She eats both of them simultaneously. “The blame rests on the wicked.” She mumbles with her mouth full, earning another heavy eye-roll from Pearl.

“You never have manners when we're eating out,” Pearl says. “I liked it better when we just had spaghetti at home.”

Amethyst throws her a nonchalant shrug and says (with her mouth still full), “I'm a rebel with a wild spirit!” Though because two pizza slices are stuffed in her mouth, it sounds more like, “Ah ma remel wee ah wuw spiwish.”

Lapis waves her hands in front of their faces. “Okay, back to the story! What happened with the brownies?!”

Amethyst—finally—swallows, before throwing Peridot a loose grin. “Why don't you tell the rest of the story, Peri?”

Peridot sighs, her expression ashen. She reaches forward to grab a pepperoni slice before taking a small bite. “Let's just say I had a lot of loans to pay back after I graduated.”

“Was it that big of a bribe?” Pearl asks with worry.

Peridot slowly raises three fingers, and so Lapis murmurs, “30 bucks?”

Peridot shakes her head.

“300?” Pearl asks.

Peridot colors, and then she shakes her head again.

“No way,” Lapis whispers. “Three... _grand_?”

Peridot sighs and nods.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Lapis shakes her head. “Peridot, that could get you a 53 year old bottle of Tamdhu 1960!”

Peridot stares at her in frustration. “Lapis, I don't know _any_ kind of alcohol value, let alone one that specific!”

“Just put it this way,” Amethyst says, extending her hands. “That could get you like 10 Bioware collector's edition packages on both PC _and_ playstation.”

Peridot's jaw drops. “What the _fuck_?”

“Yeah,” Amethyst mumbles. “And you wasted it away on _brownies_.”

Pearl grabs a slice of island supreme. “Okay, but that still doesn't make sense. The police just totally believed you after you sent them thirty pounds of brownies 'NQA'?”

Amethyst grins. “Wow, look at you, picking up criminal acronyms.”

Pearl shrugs. “I rub off on bad influences. What can I say? I like my rebels.”

Lapis smirks. “Yeah, we all know you do.”

Amethyst exchanges glances with Lapis, and then they both turn to Pearl. A moment passes, and then two.

“Okay,” Lapis mumbles, nodding. “That was weird.”

“That wasn't _that_ weird,” Peridot says quietly, trying to ease the awkward tension.

Pearl laughs nervously. “That was a _little_ weird.”

“You too, Pearl?!”

“Muchos weirdos, Per.”

Peridot glares at Amethyst. “You don't get to say that! You're the _queen_ of weirdsville!”

Amethyst gapes at her, her mouth filled with pizza crust. “Don't personally attack me just because you feel personally attacked!” She exclaims.

Peridot groans. “Look, just because we all once dated, doesn't mean we can't move on with our lives and make semi-awkward ex jokes!”

Lapis makes a sour face. “What is this, an orgy?”

Peridot slaps her on the arm. “You know what I mean!”

Lapis laughs before reaching over to pull Peridot into a one-armed bear hug. The littler girl squirms in response, but she doesn't resist her touch. She leans in to it reluctantly, her expression twisted with irritation and embarrassment, as Lapis sets her hand on her shoulder and squeezes. “Alright, enough picking on the little twerp. On to Pearl's question.”

Peridot glares up at her. “Just for that, you're not getting any tonight.”

Lapis pulls away, appalled. “Was that a _threat_ , Guntherson?”

“No, Lazuli. That was a statement.”

Lapis pauses, her expression frozen in shock. “Woah,” She murmurs, laughing. “Freaky Peri wants to fucking straggle. Sorry, did I forgot to mention that—” She leans in, her breath tickling Peridot's ear. “—I'm wearing a lacy push-up bra and thong right now? Not to mention I even _shaved_ for you this afternoon.”

Peridot tries to keep a straight face, but she's a loser when it comes to acting. “Jesus _fuck_.”

“Yeah,” Lapis mumbles, smirking. “I thought so.”

But they kept their voice quiet enough for only the two of them to hear, so Pearl and Amethyst stare on at their faces in slightly-disturbed confusion.

“Uh, was that a dirty exchange?” Amethyst asks, pointing a finger at the two of them. “Because that looked like a dirty exchange.”

Pearl chuckles, albeit a little uncomfortably. “Might want to tone down the sexual tension while we're in _public_ , Lapis.”

Lapis throws her an apologetic smile. “Sorry. Can't help it. I radiate sexual appeal.”

Peridot scoffs. “You wish.”

“Wanna say that to me again?”

“ _Anyways,”_ Amethyst cuts in hastily, grabbing another slice of pepperoni. “Yeah, the police needed a little bit more convincing than just a package of brownies.”

“So we had the baker sign a consent form and tag my name into his files.” Peridot says.

“Wait,” Pearl leans forward, her eyes wide with horror. “Do you mean—No,” She shakes her in disbelief. “ _Forgery_?”

Peridot shrinks in her seat. “Like Amethyst said,” She mumbles, grinning sheepishly. “Freaky personality.”

“Oh my God,” Pearl turns to Amethyst with wide eyes. ”And you abetted in this?”

Amethyst raises her hands in surrender. “I was being a _good_ friend!”

Peridot stares in bemusement, watching the two bicker away about an issue she had thought was long forgotten. It's amazing what a few stories can lead to. So many uncovered secrets, so many things she hadn't thought about in years—What a rush. To be reminded of how crazy she was back then. She can feel two eyes digging into the side of her face, hard and steely, so when she turns, she's unsurprised to find Lapis staring back at her with unclouded amazement. Peridot raises an eyebrow. “What?” She asks, laughing.

“You just got ten times hotter.” Lapis whispers, staring at her in awe. “Didn't think that was possible.”

Peridot shoots her a shy smile. “You into rebels too, Lazuli?”

Lapis smirks, her insides flipping over with excitement. “Just ones with messy blonde hair, brown eyes and the initials PG.”

Peridot's eyebrows shoot up to her hairline as she says, “Lucky for you, I know somebody who happens to fit that description perfectly!”

“Oh yeah?” Lapis grins. “Do you think you can introduce us?”

Peridot pretends to think about it. “I don't know. I mean, you seem a bit out of her league.”

Lapis laughs, her shoulders shaking. Peridot leans in to the vibration. “Honestly? I don't disagree with that.”

“Lapis,” Peridot murmurs with furrowed brows. “I was kidding.”

Lapis looks up at both Amethyst and Pearl, who seem to be lost in their own conversation to pay attention to anything going on outside their little bubble of comfort, before turning back to Peridot and leaning in for a kiss. Peridot blushes, but she doesn't have time to react or deflect the blow. Their lips meet quickly, softly, before Lapis immediately pulls away.

“I'm glad we did this,” She whispers. “I got to learn more about you.”

Peridot raises an eyebrow. “I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing.”

“A good thing, definitely,” Lapis waggles her brows. “I mean, that whole story? Man. Who knew my girlfriend was such a badass?”

“Badass?” Peridot echoes, laughing. “ _Sure_. If _that's_ what you wanna call it.”

“Bribery and forgery and evading the damn cops? Um, yeah, that _is_ badass.”

“I always thought of it more along the lines of, 'pathetically incompetent and desperate'.” Peridot grins. “But yeah, I guess I am kinda glad you know more about me now. At least I know you won't run away when you find out the whole truth.”

“The whole truth? There's _more_?” Lapis laughs before saying, “Well, I think I'm about ready to learn all about you, Peridot Guntherson.”

The blonde smiles, her eyes crinkling with warmth and compassion. “Good,” She whispers, reaching over to squeeze Lapis's thigh with her right hand. “Because I wanna learn more about you too.” Lapis's eyes widen when Peridot's hand slips its way between her thighs— _again_. “Starting with this part right here.”

Lapis clears her throat. “My, my, freaky Peri.” She murmurs. “Impatient, aren't we?”

Peridot grins, her green eyes shining mischievously. “You have _no_ idea.”

Lapis's throat goes dry. She turns to Pearl and Amethyst in a fit of panic and says, “I need to use the bathroom,” before hurriedly scooting out of the booth and rushing to the lavatory.

Amethyst stares as she goes. “What's her problem?”

Peridot laughs awkwardly before scooting out of the booth as well. “Who knows? I better go check it out,” She says, brushing herself off. “Be right back.”

As Peridot disappears beyond the restroom door, Pearl turns to her girlfriend and says, “You know they're gonna have sex, right?”

Amethyst pales, her eyes widening. “Wait, _what_?!”

“And I don't wanna be here when they come back all hot and bothered,” Pearl raises a hand. “So let's just foot the bill and get out of here.”

“Wait, are you serious?!” Amethyst exclaims, her face red. “We can't just—We're seriously just gonna leave?”

Pearl makes a face. “Seriously? You choose _now_ of all times to learn some manners?”

Amethyst laughs before placing a hand on Pearl's exposed thigh. “Am I delusional or is this maybe just your way of trying to get me alone?”

Pearl shoots her a pointed look. “What makes you think that?”

The purple-haired latina shrugs. “I don't know, the sudden rush to leave, the looks, the fact that you have yet to remove my hand from your thigh?”

Pearl laughs falsely, but a smile tugs on her lips. “Don't flatter yourself. I just don't wanna be here any longer than I have to.”

“You're a bad liar, P.”

“You're the only one who's ever thought that.”

“Maybe because,” Amethyst leans in and kisses her neck, causing Pearl to shut her eyes and shiver at the contact. “I know you best?”

Pearl is grinning like crazy, but she gathers enough self-control to pull away and press her hand against Amethyst's cheek. “Patience, Amethyst. Let's get in the car before doing anything R-rated.”

“One step ahead of ya',” Amethyst says, flagging a nearby waitress with a napkin. “ _Hey, could we get the bill please_?” She asks in a voice so loud Zeus can probably hear it all the way from Olympus.

Pearl groans, burying her face in her hands. “You never have _any_ decency, I swear to God.”

* * *

 

Lapis can taste the pepperoni on her lips, but she can also taste something else—a flurry of emotions left on her tongue, a tale of a thousand memories in her breath, a spiteful challenge, whispered consent. Lapis wants to taste everything until Peridot's void of words, until her past is all but told—through action, through taste, through scent, through movements. Peridot shuts her eyes when Lapis's hands finds their way into her pants.

“Oh Jesus—Fuck, okay, okay, maybe—” Peridot laughs. “Maybe we should slow down.”

Lapis pulls away with an eyebrow raised. “ _Really_?” She says. “You want me to _slow down_?”

Peridot pauses for a moment, staring down at her red face in flushed longing, before quickly shaking her head. “No. I really don't. But I think we should. I mean, Pearl and Amethyst are still outside—”

“So what?” Lapis laughs. “They were stuck in their own little world. They won't miss us.”

“ _Lapis_.”

“Oh, come on, freaky Peri,” She dives back in to mark her neck, sucking and tasting and licking. Peridot throws her head back and moans. “Show me your _bad_ side.”

Peridot giggles in light-headed ecstasy, her back pushed up against the cold tiled walls. “I love it when you growl like that,” She whispers, sighing. “It makes me want to shove your face against my vagina.”

Lapis laughs, kissing her collarbone before reaching back up to kiss her lips. “Just say the word, babe.”

“Mmm,” Peridot hums, biting her lip. The sight is crazily endearing. “I'm thinking about it.”

Lapis's grin stretches. “Talk dirty to me, freaky Peri. I'm ready to be driven insane with lust.”

Peridot's gaze drifts down to her body and she slowly—seductively—runs her tongue over her lips. “Do me a favor.”

“Anything.”

“Strip down so I can suck your vagina dry.”

Lapis colors, her eyebrows rising upwards. “Woah,” She laughs. “I like freaky Peri.”

Peridot smirks, grabbing her shirt and pulling her in. Their lips smash together with a flurry of tastes, passionate and zealous and wild with longing. “Me too,” She murmurs onto her lips, desperate and hungry for more. “Now take your fucking clothes off, Lapis Lazuli, so I can fuck you in this toilet stall.”

Lapis laughs against her skin and reaches out to tear her shirt off her body. “Never thought something so crude could sound so fucking sexy.”

Peridot wraps her arms around her burning body and says, “I didn't either until I met you.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter went a whole different direction than what I initially intended to do with it. But here's some light, fluffy stuff for you guys! Jokes it's not fluffy. It's like... some horny sex-deprived teenager's fantasy. (ie. me)
> 
> Some reconciliation with Lapis's inner insecurities about Amethyst. Just... In a really stupid way. It's 3 AM and I'm exhausted. I'll see you guys next chapter. Until then, stay safe. Don't go to sorority parties (I'm kidding, I stereotype'd them, I apologize). Don't have sex on the tables (or toilet stalls) of dirty pizza parlors. Always bring a designated driver. I'm way too sleepy right now. Goodnight!


	21. Family

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to another episode of "Lapis is a dumb nut with serious issues and Peridot is a saving grace who's too lovesick to run for her life!"

Lapis leads Peridot down the boardwalk, their fingers intertwined, their hair disheveled, across a blazing sunset.

“Where are you taking me?!” Peridot laughs, her eyes twinkling in the orange tint.

Lapis says without turning back, “You'll see! Where's the fun in telling you?”

“Discretion is not usually your strong suit, so I'm a little nervous here!”

This time, it's Lapis's turn to laugh. “You know me,” She says. “I revel in the unexpected.”

They get to a dock about 8 meters in length, spread out along the turquoise sea underneath a blanket of orange, red and yellow. The smell of scarcely-burnt hotdogs, salt and seagull shit fills the air with a nostalgic aura of childhood. Greg used to take Lapis and Steven to the beach every weekend when they were younger, they spent hours diving into the blue, playing with the sand, building sandcastles, tossing around a transparent beach ball. Peridot used to come down to the beach a lot too. Her school was really big on field trips, so they took one almost every month. Peridot always somehow lost her glasses in those trips, another reason for her parents to brand her as a nuisance. A failure. A mistake. The memories are... bittersweet.

Lapis lets go of her hand when they make it to the end, their sandals clacking on the wooden floorboards, their breathing short.

“Okay,” Peridot pants, bending over forwards to catch her breath. “ _Now_ will you tell me what we're doing here?”

Lapis whirls around and smiles. “What, was that little 5 minute jog down the boardwalk too much for my little softball pitcher?”

The corner of Peridot's lips curls upwards in a smirk. “A—Need I remind you that pitchers don't run? And B—that was a _lot_ longer than 5 minutes! You had me running since the ice cream shop!”

“Thought you could handle it!” Lapis shrugs. “I'm disappointed that I was wrong.”

Peridot laughs. “You're just asking for it.”

“So come and get it,” Lapis says suggestively, taking a step back with a sneaky smile and a wink.

Peridot's cheeks flush. She takes a step forward and says, “This isn't the part where you dive into the water and become a mermaid, is it? Because I've watched enough of those shows to know that that never ends well.”

Lapis raises an eyebrow. “Me? A mermaid? Absurd.”

“With that hair, it's almost believable.”

“Ah,” She murmurs. “You've discovered my secret.” She takes a cheeky step forward, her arms wrapping themselves around Peridot's waist. “Now I need to kill you, to make sure you don't tell anybody else.”

Peridot's eyes sparkle as she leans in to whisper, “Gosh, I don't suppose you'd be willing to negotiate a deal?”

“Depends on the deal.”

The blonde shortie buries her face against the crook of Lapis's neck, before planting kisses down her throat. Lapis's breath hitches, her eyes closing shut.

“Mmm,” She murmurs, biting her lip with a smile. “I like this deal.”

Peridot giggles. “Yeah? There's more of it where that came from, babe.”

“Oh, I am so ready.” She pulls away just enough to grip Peridot's hands in hers. “But I'm gonna need you to save it for later, my adorable little dorito. Just until I pop the question.”

Peridot's eyebrows shoot up to her hairline. “Woah.” She says unintentionally. “Um, is that—do you mean—”

“Don't get your panties in a twist. I don't move _that_ fast,” Lapis muses.

“Bummer,” Peridot teases. “So what's this big question?”

Lapis faces the sun, her eyes narrowed, and for a moment she just stays there. Then she turns back to her girlfriend and takes a deep, heavy breath. “Peridot Guntherson,” She says. “Would you do me the honor of being my date to my best friend's wedding in two days?”

Peridot's eyes widen. She opens her mouth to respond, but then she immediately closes it shut. Lapis can just barely catch a hint of that same mischievous glint Peridot had in her eyes back when they first met, back when she was being so unbelievably attractive with her whole I-wanna-be-with-you-my-hot-young-bartender thing. With a smirk, Peridot takes a step forward and asks, “Didn't take you for sloppy seconds, Lazuli. I didn't know I played the fake-girlfriend gig _that_ well.”

Lapis raises an eyebrow in amusement, recalling the time she asked Peridot be her fake girlfriend for the Winter Galla. She shakes her head and laughs. “Well,” She clears her throat. “Guess you can say you played it a little _too_ well.” She looks up into her eyes and says, “I want you there as my girlfriend. My lover. The only person I'd be taking to weddings from this day to the day I die. I want you there by my side when my best friend gets wedded to the love of his life, because I wanna look at you and picture us doing the same thing one day. And I wanna _feel_ it. Because I know when I do, there'll be no going back. I'll be bonded to you for life, waiting for the day it comes true.”

Peridot stares at her, speechless, her lips pursed tight, cheeks flushed, eyes wide—for a long moment, all she does is stare agape. And then slowly, clumsily, shyly, she breaks into a smile and lets loose a nervous giggle. “Wow, um,” She shakes her head. “Sorry. Give me a second. You kinda took my breath away.”

Lapis smirks, but before she can speak, Peridot silences her with a breathy laugh.

“Fuck, I'm so flustered right now.”

Lapis chuckles, her hand reaching forward to cup her cheek. “Take your time, stranger. I'm not going anywhere.”

Peridot laughs nervously again, her face brightening up almost as intensely as the sunset opposite them. “I mean, I knew you were gonna ask me eventually, I just didn't think—” She flushes. “A simple 'would you be my date?' would've sufficed. I would've—I would've immediately said yes. No doubt. Maybe a little haggling, a tease like 'oh what would I get out of it?' you know? But not—not this. This is, um, this is—” She wipes her forehead with the back of her hand. “Whew, is it just me or did it just rise a thousand degrees out here?”

Lapis laughs, wiping a few beads of sweat from Peridot's forehead. “Sorry, was it too heavy?”

Peridot shakes her head. “No, no, Lapis, it was—” She bites her lip, the skin beside her eyes crinkling. “It was perfect.” She wraps her arms around her girlfriend's neck and pulls her in. “And yes, yes I will absolutely be your date for Steven's wedding.”

“Good,” Lapis whispers. “Because I already got the dresses.”

Peridot laughs out loud. “Cheapskate. Those groomswomen dresses were picked weeks ago.”

Lapis pulls away before rolling her eyes. “Not _those_ , dumb bat. I meant the other dresses. For the dinner.”

Peridot makes a face. “Did you just call me 'dumb bat'?”

“It's a term of endearment.”

“Yeah, call me that one more time and I'll show you some 'terms of endearment'.”

Lapis grins. “Kinky.”

Peridot counters her gaze. “Haven't you had your fill? We literally did it _three_ times before leaving the apartment.”

Lapis shrugs. “With a girlfriend this hot, I could go on for days and still be begging for more.”

“With a girlfriend this horny, I could die of an overload of orgasmic pulses,” Peridot pauses, and then adds, “Or maybe an STD.”

“What if I stick it up your butt?”

Peridot slaps her in the arm. “Keep your kinks for the bedroom! Jesus.”

Lapis feigns innocence. “Your words, not mine!”

Despite it all, Peridot breaks into a smile and laughs. “Fucking Christ, Lapis Lazuli,” She wraps her arms around her neck and leans in for a kiss. Lapis doesn't at all resist. “I can't believe I fell for you.”

Lapis chuckles within the kiss, and then tightens her hold around her tiny waist. “Me neither, stranger.”

* * *

 

“Cold feet?”

Steven shakes his head. “Nah,” But he's sweating. And he's swallowing every thirty seconds. And his eyes scream _crazy_. Lapis knows her best friend well enough to tell when he's anxious.

“Hey,” She says, squeezing his shoulder in reassurance. “Don't think too much about it.”

Steven swallows—again. “It's just—” He takes a deep breath and fixes his suit. “We've been waiting for this day for _so_ long... What if—What if it doesn't go the way she planned it? What if she realizes this was a mistake? What if—”

“Okay, I would've totally let you go on making false assumptions about the outcome of today's grand celebration just for the sake of having a good laugh about It later, but that second 'what if' was already way, way—” She pauses for effect. “— _way_ too unbelievable.”

Steven shoots her a look. “Lapis—”

“Buddy, she is your _best_ friend,” Lapis says, looking him dead in the eye. “You two have been together through it all. Through misfits, fights, unbelievably heated sexual chemistry, awkward gatherings, struggling first-time's... She was there when you got into your first accident as a fire-fighter. She was there when you got an appendix and had to undergo a surgery to take it out. She was there when your dad got sick and had to be medicated for three whole months. She was there for you, through it all. Trust me, man, if she wanted to leave, I _think_ she would've done it by now.”

Steven stares at her face for a long moment, his brows furrowed, his eyes deadly serious. With a shaky breath, he nods. “You're right,” He whispers. “I'm—I'm being stupid.”

Lapis nods. “As usual.”

Steven laughs. “Just—Just can't help it, y'know? There's so much pressure. Everybody's been expecting this. My dad's been talking about it non-stop. The celebration's so big too, we had to invite _everyone_. I don't—I just—It scares me.”

“I know,” Lapis says, nodding. “You've always been under pressure.”

Steven offers a smile. “I think it was easier rushing into a burning building.”

“You're crazy,” Lapis states. “But I've gotten used to your insanity, so let's shelf that for now. For the time being, let's focus on you. Because you still look like a mutilated beached whale trying to flip over on its back.”

Steven makes a face. “What expression is that even—”

“I think you're just thinking too much about this. You're under so much pressure from everybody else, that you're forgetting the most important thing of all.”

“And what's that?” Steven asks, exasperated.

“That you're doing this for _you_ and _Connie_.” Lapis pauses, then says, “Steven, this isn't about them. This was _never_ about them. All those people out there? Giving you pressure? _Expecting_ things? They don't get a say in _any_ of this. Today's about you and Connie. About the love you guys have. About the love you're going to foster. If that's not enough to calm you down and dissolve any irresolution you have left, I don't know what is!”

Steven blinks, his expression misty and uncertain. For a moment, he looks lost. And then he brightens, his face lifting with realization. “Connie,” He whispers, turning back around to stare at himself in the mirror. “Connie's gonna be my _wife._ ”

Lapis smiles, appearing behind his reflection in the body-length silver mirror. “She's gonna be Mrs. Universe. And you're gonna be the man who has to provide for her. Her. And only her.”

Steven smiles, his eyes losing their uncertainty. “You're right.” He pauses for a long moment, staring at himself, staring at his future, and then he takes a deep breath and whispers, “I'm gonna watch her walk down the aisle.” He blinks, and Lapis swears his eyes get a little mistier. “We're—We're getting married.”

Lapis watches her best friend throw away all his past irresolutions and embrace the only certain truth: that Connie is, and will forever will be, the love of his life. Now until the day he dies. Lapis takes a breath and grabs him by the shoulder. “Congratulations, Steven.” She says.

* * *

 

She doesn't know what she had expected before today, but she hadn't expect it to be this intense. Watching one of her best friends walk down the aisle in a beautiful white floral dress with a transparent veil over her face, a gorgeous bouquet of flowers in her hands, and a warm red flush over her cheeks—it's breathtaking and life-changing. Lapis can't believe it's finally happening.

Connie looks unbelievable in her wedding dress. She looks mature and regal, sophisticated and classy, powerful and free—she looks like a warrior princess on her way to claim her throne. Steven stands at the opposite end, looking handsome and dashing in his black suit and tie, his wild black hair pulled and tied back in a cute ponytail. As he stares at her stroll down the red carpet, his face brightens in the most adorable way, looking hopeful and amazed and emotional and fearful all at the same time. He swallows, shooting her a cheeky smile as she glances at him from within her veil.

When she gets to the altar, the first thing Steven does is take her hand and squeezing it. He leans in to whisper, “I thought I’d seen all the world’s beautiful mysteries... until today.”

Connie blushes, her lips quirking upwards in a smile.

“God, diabetes,” Jasper murmurs from beside Lapis, though she looks about ready to burst into tears at the sight.

Lapis looks over at Peridot, who stands to her left, fitted in a dashing little black dress (since groomsmen traditionally wear black suits, Steven’s group of groomswomen opted to wear black dresses) with her blonde hair curled around her face in little twists. She’s wearing make-up—though it’s mild—and she had her eyebrows plucked and her nails done just the day before. Sufficed to say, Lapis didn’t think Peridot could look so girly. But here she is. Lapis already finds Peridot a major knock-out regularly. Seeing her now in this rare light is… Well, let's just say...

Lapis wishes she was the one in Steven’s place. And Peridot was in Connie’s.

Steven and Connie exchange their vows, their hands held tightly together, before they accept their rings, and then the priest holds up his hand and brings it down on both their heads before proclaiming, “I now pronounce you man and wife! You may kiss the bride.”

The crowd erupts in applause as Steven takes a step forward and scoops his wife into his arms. They kiss in the dim lighting, the dense aura, the ringing laughter and defeaning applause. Jasper wolf-whistles, being as inappropriate as she is, and Amethyst lets loose a roll of “yuh, yuh, yuh, yuh!” like some college frat boy. Lapis breaks into a smile, and the first thing she does is look at Peridot. Which is funny, because Peridot turns back to look at her at that exact moment too.

Even if they speak, their words would’ve been drowned out by the crowd. Thankfully, they don’t need to speak. Because their faces say it all.

Peridot’s never looked so beautiful until this very moment. She looks surreal. Like an angel sent from Heaven to bless Lapis with eternal happiness. She can hold on to this forever. She reaches out to grasp her hand from behind, Peridot squeezes it in return before licking her lips and laughing.

Lapis’s heart does flips. She hopes Peridot can see what she sees, she hopes Peridot can feel what she’s feeling—

Like she’s infinite. And Peridot is the source of her immortality.

* * *

 

Lapis stands up with a wine glass and a spoon. She clinks them together a few times, catching everybody’s attention as the dinner party rolls down to a gradual calm. “Hey! Sorry to bother everybody, but um,” She laughs. “It’s time for the obligatory best women’s speech, which is bound to be lame and cheesy and painfully embarrassing. So please take your seats! And we’ll get through this together.”

A playful round of laughter makes Lapis feel less conscious about speaking to a room of more than a hundred guests. She straightens, fiddling with the hem of her dress as she waits for everybody to take a seat. Somebody grabs her wrist from beside her, and when Lapis turns, she finds her heart quickening at the sight of Peridot staring back at her.

“You okay?” She asks with a smile.

Lapis nods. “Yeah. Nerves, is all.”

“You’ll do great.”

Lapis squeezes her hand. “With you by my side, I can do anything.”

Peridot’s expression warms, and she’s just about to respond when Jasper pipes up from the other side of the room. “Lapis Lazuli! Taking the stage!”

Lapis flushes. _Why is she_ such _an embarrassing friend_?

She drags her gaze around the room until she comes across Steven; he’s sitting at the main table with his newly-proclaimed-wife, his dad, Connie’s parents, and a few other close relatives. He meets her gaze with a bright smile and a nod.

 _Here goes nothing_.

“As you know,” Lapis starts, looking around at the hundred pairs of eyes staring back at her. “Steven and I have been friends since… I don’t even remember. Since he _had_ friends, to be honest. I’m proud to say that I’m probably the first. Thankfully, not the last,” Laughter from the crowd. Lapis is thankful they’re graceful enough to play along. “He’s always been… a huge softie. Big-hearted. Kind. Generous,” She pauses, then adds, “Dumb.”

Steven shakes his head, amused.

“But I mean, Connie’s a smart girl, so she’ll balance it out.”

The crowd laughs again. Lapis remembers that Peridot’s beside her, watching her, egging her on. There’s confidence in reassurance, so Lapis goes on.

“I’m not one for speeches. I suck at words. Steven knows that best. He’s been with me through it all. And trust me, _all_ encompasses _a lot_. Despite the things I put him through, he has never once abandoned me or told me off. He remained by the side of the mentally-impaired girl who had family issues and a horrible self-esteem. He stayed with me when I couldn’t take the heat, when I felt hopeless and alone, he stayed when I pushed him away, he stayed when I fell, he stayed when I rose, he was… _annoyingly_ persistent. Dependent, even. Guess you can say he was the clingy girlfriend in the relationship.”

Laughter. Lapis lets it run its course, and then she takes a deep breath.

“Steven—He saved my life.”

Steven stares back at her, his eyes misty and unwavering. Lapis doesn’t look away.

“When Steven met Connie… I’m—I’m not gonna lie. I felt threatened.”

Steven raises an eyebrow and chuckles. _You’re really gonna tell this story?_

Lapis shakes her head. _Guess it’s about time._

“Steven was absolutely swept away by this amazing new girl who taught him about constellations and storybooks. The girl who opened his eyes to a world he had never seen before. For weeks, he stuck by her. He kept his distance at times, since he was scared being overly persistent might scare her off. He was sensitive like that. A real man’s man. But eventually, it got to the point where I just felt as if she was replacing me. We all obviously know how this story ends—I’m standing here as Steven’s best woman and am overjoyed to see him and Connie— _finally_ —wedded after all these years, so no, you don’t need to start whipping out tissues at the possibility of this story getting depressing. I tried to get Steven to stay away from Connie. I was a kid, I had a crazy imaginations, so I whipped up all these plans to keep them away from each other, like mailing false letters to each of them pretending to be the other one, telling them to stay away forever. I believe the exact quote was, ‘Stay away from me, I don’t want your cooties.’”

Jasper laughs from the other side. “What a loser!”

Lapis resists the urge to flip her off, but she does say, “Takes one to know one, Sokolov!”

She looks around the crowd before continuing, “Took me ages to come to terms with what was happening between them. Since the beginning, I knew. I _knew_. I could see it.” She stares at Steven and Connie and smiles. “There was something special there that I wanted to disrupt, because I was scared that it was gonna be the reason Steven abandons me one day.”

Steven furrows his brows. _Lapis…_

“But I was wrong. If anything—” She chuckles. “If anything, it brought me closer to him. It brought us all closer together. Connie’s family to me now, just like Steven is. She’s been family to me for a long time. I’m just glad I can officially claim it to be true. I thought our way of life was being _threatened_. But it was only being strengthened. I’ve never seen Steven as happy as he is when he’s with Connie. She makes him a better man. For that, I salute you, Connie, because I’ve been trying to do it for years to no avail. Guy’s as thick-headed as he is clingy.”

Connie laughs and bows her head, wrapping her hands tighter around her husband’s warm arm.

“So I’d like to call a _toast_ ,” Lapis raises her glass. “To the beautiful newly-wedded Mr and Mrs Universe—Steven and Connie. My best friends. My _family._ ”

Steven stands up and raises his glass, Connie follows shortly after. Soon everybody has their glasses raised, including Peridot, who sways slightly in her heels as she stands, but stabilizes as soon as her glass is in the air.

“To Mr and Mrs Universe!” Lapis exclaims. “I wish you two the best, but I know it doesn’t matter either way because the love you guys have, the love I’ve seen you guys nurture—that’s the kind of love people die trying to find. I know there’s nothing in the world that can take that away.”

Steven smiles gratefully before saying, “To Lapis Lazuli, the best friend anybody could ever ask for.”

Everybody lets loose a loud chorus of “Cheers!” and clinking glasses, mingling about just as soon as the wine glasses leave their lips. Lapis sits back down and turns to Peridot, who stares back at her with amusement.

“What a public-speaker,” Peridot teases. “I think I got chills.”

Lapis smirks. “I wanna give you chills for a whole other reason.”

“Down, girl. The night’s still early.”

Lapis laughs before reaching over to take her hand and kissing it. “I love you.”

Peridot beams as she says, “I love you too.”

A few minutes later, the old geazers at their table leave to join their friends up front, and the rest of the gang start piling in, picking up empty seats and making themselves comfortable by Lapis and Peridot’s table. Jasper and Amethyst approach first, followed by Pearl, Ruby and Sapphire. Then finally, Steven and Connie.

“Look at that, gang’s all assembled!” Jasper exclaims, taking a seat beside Connie, who sits beside Steven, who sits beside Lapis.

Amethyst takes the seat beside Peridot, Pearl sits beside her, and Ruby and Sapphire sit beside them. Lapis waves as they settle down.

“Nice speech, Lapis,” Pearl says, throwing her a smirk.

Lapis pretends to tip an invisible cap before saying, “Totally impromptu. Didn’t practice it at all.”

Peridot rolls her eyes. “ _Sure_. Cause all those nights I spent lying awake listening to you rehearse it was just all in my imagination.”

Lapis waggles her eyebrows. “You do have a crazy imagination.”

“Um, I do believe that was _you_. I mean, mailing false letters pretending to be Connie and Steven?” Peridot laughs. “Honestly, babe. Crazy ex-girlfriend, much?”

Jasper bursts out laughing. “She’s so right! That is such a crazy ex-girlfriend move!”

Lapis sneers. “I was like, what, 7?!”

“Older,” Steven says, grinning. “I think 13. Old enough to know the truth.”

“You honestly gonna back me up into a corner after a speech _that_ inspiring?” Lapis clicks her tongue. “I take it all back. You’re not my family.”

“Please, you can’t live without me.”

Lapis pauses, then says, “ _May_ be true. But still debatable.”

Everybody laughs, the atmosphere in the air light and giddy.

“Where's your date, Jasper?” Pearl asks in curiosity. Lapis has been wondering that for a while now, but she never got the chance to ask Jasper about it.

Jasper scratches her jaw and says, “Ah, didn't wanna drag her to such a formal event so early in the, um, 'relationship'.”

“You say it like you're not sure,” Sapphire says, tilting her head in confusion. “Are you two alright?”

“It's not that. It's fine. We're fine, really,” Jasper laughs. “Honest, it's just us wanting to take things slow. Don't worry about it.”

Connie pats her on the arm. “We believe you, Jasper.”

That sparks a memory in Lapis's mind. A memory of Jasper sitting in her bar, telling her that commitment's hard, that she didn't wanna go too fast with Eyeball—that she was happy with just... living in the moment. The thought is strange. Jasper's always been the kind to grab a bull by the horns. Sometimes too impulsively. She tends to get herself hurt that way. But for the first time in—well, _ever_ —she's actually... _thinking_ it through. Lapis's lips spread open into a smile. She leans back, taking a sip from her champagne glass. 

Looks like she isn't the only one who's grown. 

“So, Mrs. Universe,” Ruby says, staring at Connie. “How’s it feel to be officially _claimed_?”

“That’s not a very nice way to put it,” Pearl mutters. “That makes it sound like she’s a pet dog or something.”

Amethyst laughs. “Way to put a negative vibe on marriage, Ruby.”

Ruby makes a face. “’Claimed’ doesn’t have to be a degrading term! I used claimed when Sapphy and I got married!”

“Yeah, exactly,” Jasper murmurs. “Pearl just doesn’t think Connie’s as pathetic as you are.”

Pearl shoots her a look. “I did not say that.”

“But you were thinking it.”

“No, I wasn’t!”

Jasper winks. “Totally were.”

“Honestly, it’s—I don’t even have words,” Connie says, laughing. “I didn’t expect it to feel this… I don’t know. Big.”

“It’s probably just the ceremony,” Sapphire says. “Many people showed up to your wedding. More than you anticipated, I heard.”

Connie nods awkwardly. “Yeah, guest list was crazy. My family invited all their friends and co-workers and _their_ friends. It just kept expanding. Plus Greg wanted to get some old friends onboard, so he made some calls. Long story short, we had a _major_ seating crisis at the beginning of the week.”

“The second we got back from the bachelor slash bachelorette’s party, we immediately went to work on the arrangements,” Steven says. “Took us three whole days to get everything perfect.”

“And even then,” Connie groans. “More wanted to come. We had to turn them away. Some people weren’t happy about it, but what can you do, right?”

Jasper nods her head in understanding, and then she grins. “Look at you two—celebrities of the city!”

“Hardly.” Connie muses.

“Felt more like we were the prisoners,” Steven says.

Connie nods. “Lots of pressure. Lots of weight.”

“But it paid off,” Lapis says, taking Steven by the shoulder. “Because you’re here. Married. It was a beautiful ceremony. Great dinner. Everyone’s having fun.”

Connie smiles and shrugs. “I would’ve been okay if it had been a closed wedding. Just a small get-together with all my favorite people. Maybe even outdoors.”

Steven pales. “Uh, maybe not outdoors.”

Sapphire and Ruby shake their heads in unison. “Not outdoors.”

Connie flushes. “Right,” She murmurs, grinning nervously. “You two had yours in a garden.”

“And it rained,” Ruby said.

“And we got attacked by a party of mosquitoes.” Sapphire says.

“Not to mention the _smell_.”

“It was bad.”

“Very bad.”

“Okay,” Connie murmurs, nodding. “No outdoor wedding. Gotcha.”

“Point is, we would’ve been happy either way.” Steven says, smiling. “But yeah, I guess it did pay off. It just sucked that it took so much effort to make everyone happy, y’know? We should’ve just… stuck with what we had.”

Amethyst snorts, stealing everyone’s attention. “Talk about overthinking it. That reminds me of college, back when I was in the Committee of Public Safety for the bazaar they held every year.”

“I’m sorry,” Jasper murmurs, shaking her head in disbelief. “Committee of Public Safety? How did anyone think it was okay for you to be a part of the _Committee of Public Safety_?”

Amethyst flips her off. “Suck it, Sodopov.”

“It’s _Sokolov_.”

“Like I said, never gonna remember it!” Amethyst says. “Anyways, wanna know who else was in the Committee of Public Safety?”

Peridot groans, burying her face in her hands. “God, please don’t.”

“Our very own Peridot Guntherson!”

Lapis raises an eyebrow. “Oh?”

Amethyst smirks. “Yeah, she was head of the organizing committee. She was really into it too.”

“Why—Why do you do this?” Peridot asks, turning to her. “Just _why_?”

“I’m sensing an embarrassing story here,” Steven says, tapping his lip.

Amethyst nods. “You got it, vato. Peridot was _adamant_ that everything go perfectly. It was her first time being in charge of something, she wanted to ‘prove herself’.”

“In my defense,” Peridot says, raising her hands. “I was a neglected child. Being in charge had never been part of the plan.”

Amethyst laughs. “She went _completely_ overboard on the organizing. Everything went incredibly well, but it was so tight-fit and heavily spun that everything started unraveling right before it ended. Schedules were mixed up, booths were destroyed. Shit got _so_ bad that they had to call the entire bazaar off! It was the first time they had to cancel right before it ended. We didn’t even get a closing show. How sucky is that?”

Peridot glares at her. “Do _you_ wanna try planning an entire bazaar in your second year of college?!”

Amethyst shakes her head immediately. “Don’t look at me, chica. I was only there for the extra credits.”

“Last I checked, you completely butched up your job too.”

“Not to the point of destroying the entire bazaar!”

Peridot colors. “I _didn’t_ destroy—”

“I know, I know, I’m just shitting with you! You did a good job for your first time. Even if you _did_ overthink it.”

Peridot sighs. “There was a lot of pressure.”

“Exactly,” Amethyst says, laughing. “But you pulled through anyway! That’s a great achievement, chica.” She places a hand on her shoulder and squeezes.

The contact is intimate. Too intimate. It almost seems threatening. Everybody turns to Lapis, awaiting her move, awaiting a reaction.

The blue-haired bartender peeks over Peridot’s shoulder to stare at Amethyst.

“You know what?” She says.

Amethyst blinks, looking up at her. “Uh,” She pulls away. “What?”

A pause. And then Lapis slowly breaks into a grin and says, “You did the _exact_ same thing when we met you at that Green Day concert back in 2014.”

Amethyst’s eyes widen. “What?!”

“What, you don’t remember? Sneaking into the Meet n’ Greet? Meeting Green Day?” Lapis smirks. “ _Almost burning down their tent_?”

Amethyst flushes. “Oh shit.”

Pearl leans over the table. “Oh my God, I remember that! Amethyst, you went out of your mind trying to get into that tent!”

Ruby bursts out in shrill laughter. “Shit!” She exclaims, clutching her stomach. “I totally forgot about that! I can’t—I can’t believe you still remember it!” She laughs even harder. “Amethyst, you almost—Oh my God, you almost—cops—arrested—it was so funny!”

Amethyst shoots her a look, her face burning up in red. “H—Hold on now. It wasn’t _that_ bad!”

“You kidding?” Lapis grins, wrapping a protective arm around Peridot’s shoulder. “It puts your story about Peridot to _shame_.”

Peridot looks up at her in surprise, her eyes brimming with shock. And… _gratitude_.

“Hey, hey, it was a crazy night,” Amethyst says desperately. “We had a couple bottles of beer. I mean, we were _all_ kind of cuckoo that night—”

“Never to your extent, Amethyst,” Pearl says, giggling at the look of utter horror and betrayal her girlfriend throws her immediately after.

“Alright, so let me get this straight,” Steven says. “Amethyst tried to get into the Meet n’ Greet? How did she almost burn down a tent?”

“With a zippo lighter.” Ruby says, still laughing. “And a _shitload_ of alcohol.”

“She wanted to get us _all_ in,” Lapis says. “She said she had connections inside. Turns out, she just wanted to impress us.”

Amethyst shrinks in her seat. “I was _new_!”

“So she pretended to know this bouncer dude, who she convinced to let us through in exchange for twenty bucks and a very quick peek at her boobs.”

Jasper gapes. “ _No fucking way.”_

Amethyst groans. “I wasn’t actually gonna do it!”

“So he let you through?” Steven asks.

“He let us through,” Lapis confirms. “And we got in. And we just kinda wandered through it not knowing where to go at first. Then we bumped into a couple of the backstage crew, and they grilled us about trespassing and being where we weren’t supposed to be.”

“But Amethyst, once again, bribed them to stick their noses up somebody else’s ass,” Pearl says amusedly. “She did it so secretly, and we were so wasted and high that we didn’t even really notice. She had it all planned out. She brought the cash _just_ for the purpose of bribing.”

“Okay, now that’s not true.” Amethyst whines.

Lapis laughs and says, “When we got further in, Amethyst whipped out a bottle of whiskey and started drinking.”

“But she was so wasted,” Pearl says, shaking her head. “So she just spilled it all everywhere. She made a huge mess.”

Amethyst rolls her eyes. “I wasn’t the _only_ one who made a mess, y’know!”

“And then she tried lighting a cigarette,” Lapis says, imitating a cigarette being lit with her hands.

Everybody except Lapis, Pearl, Ruby and Amethyst stare agape.

“ _No_ ,” Peridot whispers, turning to throw Amethyst a wide-eyed look. “You did _not_.”

“Please tell me you didn’t drop the lighter.” Connie whispers.

“Even better!” Ruby exclaims, her eyes watering from laughter. “She fucking _tossed_ it!”

“ _What_?!” Jasper shouts. “Why?!”

Amethyst groans. “Because Pearl asked for a light, so I just—I just tossed it to her!”

“With the light still on.” Pearl adds, grinning cheekily. “She forgot to close the cap. She expected me to grab it with the flame flickering around like that? No way. I let it go.”

“And it hit the floor.” Lapis says.

“And the alcohol made it all go up in flames!” Ruby shrieks.

“Holy fucking hell,” Jasper stares at them in disbelief. “How—How did I miss this?”

“Was anybody hurt?” Connie asks in concern.

Pearl shakes her head. “We put the fire out before it got too big.”

“How?” Steven asks.

“With a lot of screaming from Amethyst,” Lapis murmurs with a laugh. “Since she literally threw herself into the flames when she saw it go up.”

“I freaked! I didn’t want it spreading so I did the first thing that came to mind!”

“Which is diving into it?” Jasper shakes her head. “You’re a fucking weird one, Cervantes.”

“And then Pearl had enough sense to grab a fire extinguisher—but if you saw Amethyst’s face—she was—she was _so_ freaked!” Ruby says between bouts of laughter. By this point, Sapphire has to consistently pat her back to keep her from wheezing to death.

“And the backstage crew came back,” Pearl says. “So they helped put it out too.”

“We were, obviously, kicked out.” Lapis murmurs with a grin. “Banned too, if I remember correctly.”

“So all that and you didn’t even get to meet Green Day?” Peridot asks.

Lapis’s expression brightens. “ _Actually_ ,”

“Funny thing.” Pearl says, laughing.

“We bumped into them on our way out. They heard about the fire. They heard about us.”

Amethyst buries her face in her hands. “They fucking _congratulated_ us.”

“For pulling a stunt so embarrassing it puts viral Youtube videos to _shame_.” Lapis says.

Amethyst bites her thumb, her expression ashen. “I never wanna go to another Green Day concert again.”

Peridot laughs. “If I were you, I wouldn’t either.”

“Hey!”

Steven shakes his head, his expression bemused but clearly entertained. He reaches over to clasp Lapis on the shoulder, but when he speaks, he’s addressing Amethyst. “I’m glad you got out of that fire safely though. And hey, think about it this way, that story’s definitely one for the books.”

Amethyst throws him a shaky smile before shrugging.

“That’s our Steven,” Jasper says, laughing. “Always looking on the bright side.”

Steven laughs, nods, and then quickly glances at Lapis. They share a short—but very intense—look. Lapis blinks, and then she snorts.

She knows he directed that sentence to Lapis as well. She knows what he insinuated. That he’s glad she’s okay with Amethyst now. That he thinks, despite all else, that it was a necessary speed bump they needed to cross together. That he’s enjoying this new family dynamic. That he’s _happy_.

With a smile, she shoves her best friend on the shoulder and asks, “What’s that look for?”

He shrugs, shakes his head. “Nothing,” He says, laughing.

“Yeah, right, like I’ll believe that.”

“Honest!” He says. “I’m just really happy.” He pauses, and then he looks over at his friends and smiles, his arm still wrapped tightly around Connie’s shoulder. “It’s been the perfect night,” He says. “I’m happy.”

Lapis stares at him before breaking into a grin. She takes a deep breath and says, “Me too.”

* * *

 

“Have I told you how beautiful you look tonight?”

Peridot tries to subdue her grin, but she fails horrendously. “Only about a million times.”

“Oh,” Lapis leans in to kiss her quickly on the lips. “Then I’ll make it a million and one. You look so beautiful.”

Peridot breathes in her words, intoxicated by how sweet they feel on her tongue. She runs her thumb over her cheek, tucking a few stray stands of blue hair behind her ear. “You’re even more so, my hot, young bartender.” She pauses, then quietly adds, “Startlingly so. I didn’t know it was possible to be physically pained by somebody’s appearance until tonight.”

Lapis chuckles. “My appearance physically pains you?”

“Yes,” Peridot says. “You’re so gorgeous, it hurts.”

Lapis shuts her eyes and kisses her. It makes her body warm with heat and desire and love. “Mmm, stay with me forever, Peridot Guntherson,” She whispers onto her lips.

Her girlfriend smiles against the kiss, her arms snaking their way around her neck. “No problem there, Lapis Lazuli Lebedev.”

“Is that a promise?”

“A vow.”

Lapis pulls away and grins. “I can get used to that.”

Peridot laughs, before pulling herself up.

They lie on a makeshift sofa made of wooden chairs and a large fluffy blanket in front of the counter in Aqua Glass, their feet dispensed on the counter, their fingers interlaced, their gazes stuck to the large sign reading the shop’s glowing title in all its neon glory. It’s 3 AM in the morning. Steven and Connie’s after-party just ended half an hour ago. As everybody went home, Peridot and Lapis decided to take a little breather at their favorite bar. Lapis genuinely believes she can stay here forever, serenaded by the sounds of a city, sheltered in a blanket of glowing lights, wrapped in the arms of Peridot Guntherson.

The love of her life.

“What you did with Amethyst,” Peridot whispers, staring down at her. “I just… I wanted you to know that I really appreciate it. That I thought it was—it was brave.”

“Brave?” Lapis furrows her brows. “Why?”

Peridot fidgets nervously. “Because… I don’t know. Because of everything that happened. Everybody expected something. Something intense. A fight, an argument. I don’t know. I think they’re just all so used to the tension. And then you came and just… whacked it out of the park. You created a completely new ball-game. No more tensions. Just… family.”

Lapis stares down at her hands, searching.

“I just thought you were really mature. And courageous.” Peridot takes a deep breath, and then says, “And sexy,” with a laugh.

Lapis grins, before looking up at her. “I guess you can say I had an awakening.”

“Yeah?”

Lapis nods. “I trust you with my life. I know you would never do anything to intentionally hurt me. And Amethyst—Amethyst is happy with Pearl. They’re not part of our relationship. I’m cool with her. She’s a great person. I was just so caught up about who she was with _you_ … I forgot who she is right _now_.”

Peridot leans in to caress her face, her gaze soft and warm, her lips spread out into a smile. “You are so beautiful right now, you have no idea.”

Lapis grins, a blush tinting her face. “Kiss me, stranger.”

So Peridot does.

When she pulls away, Lapis wraps an around her shoulder and pulls her close. The two lie together, staring up at the neon sign, watching it spark with life and electricity.

Peridot takes a deep breath. “I might have to close down my cyber café.”

Lapis turns to her in shock. “ _What_?”

“It’s the rent. I’m staring—” She pauses, hesitating. “It’s too much. I can’t handle it. Money’s way too tight.”

“But your café’s doing great.”

“It’s not enough,” Peridot shakes her head. “My prices are borderline atrocious. If I raise them any more, I’d be losing a lot of customers to those other cyber cafes that cost half the price. Equipment and games are really expensive nowadays too. I don’t know,” She sighs. “It’s just too much.”

“There’s gotta be something I can do.”

Peridot shakes her head again. “I don’t want any loans, Lapis. And I don’t wanna be financially dependent on anybody anymore. I’ve learned my lesson from my parents. Never again.”

Lapis’s face darkens. “But Peridot,” She waits a beat, before whispering, “You _love_ your cyber café.”

Peridot bites her lip. “I do… But sometimes, you just—you have to let some things go.”

“What—What’re you even gonna do afterwards?”

“I don’t know,” She shrugs. “Find a part-time job first. Get my life together. Build up from there?”

This isn’t fair. Lapis knows this isn’t fair. Peridot deserves so much more than that. She shifts her gaze from Peridot’s sullen face to the ceiling above, illuminated by the neon colors. There has to be another way. An alternative. There has to be _more_. But what can she do? Disguise herself as a mysterious benefactor and provide money to Peridot’s café anonymously? No, Peridot wouldn’t accept it either way. She doesn’t want any loans. Maybe she could talk to Peridot's parents?

 _No._ No way in hell.

She isn’t going back there unless she absolutely has to. Her parents are a last—and suicidal—resort.

Lapis bites her lip. What can she do?

There has to be someth—

And then she has an idea.

She untangles herself from Peridot’s embrace and pushes herself up on her elbows. “I have an idea!”

“Oh boy,” Peridot murmurs, smiling. “Here we go.”

“It’s good, trust me.”

“That’s what you said last time. About shattering that aquarium and letting all those crabs inside it escape into the ocean.”

“Okay, first of all,” Lapis says. “Those crabs were being cooked _alive_. That is _no_ way for a crustacean to die. I do _not_ consent to it.”

Peridot smirks. “But you love eating crabs.”

“Yeah.” Lapis pauses, then says, “No correlation! And anyways, I promise you, it’s a fool proof idea, if you’d just—if you’d just _consider_ it.”

Peridot ponders this, staring deeply at her face in concentration. She’s always been one to weigh her options, to think before she acts, to navigate through possible alternatives. If this is something to be considered, she _will_ consider it. But maybe more than that… She can see how much Lapis cares. She loves her girlfriend. She will hear her out, no matter how unbelievable the plan turns out to be. “Okay,” She says, straightening up. “Tell me.”

Lapis smiles and then says, “Okay, so your main problem right now is money. Equipment, games, _rent_ —it’s all too much, right?”

Peridot nods. “I’m not gaining as much as I’m spending.”

“Okay, well, then, let’s say, an investor comes in—”

Peridot’s face darkens. “ _No._ ”

“Hear me out!” Lapis pleads, gripping her hands. “It wouldn’t be a loan or anything! You wouldn’t necessarily be dependent either.”

Peridot sighs. “Lapis, I don’t know—”

“Look, forget the investment thing. What about… What about a partnership?”

The blonde raises an eyebrow. “What _kind_ of partnership?”

Lapis smiles. “A mutual one. Both sides get the benefit. A fair 50-50 split. Both companies work together, in the same building, that way rent’ll be split. They share the commodities, equipment, yada-yada-yada. You get the drill.”

Peridot thinks about it, crossing her arms in the process. “Okay,” She shrugs. “Assuming I do go along with this… Who’d even want a partnership with a cyber cafe?”

“ _Well,_ ” Lapis says, clapping her hands together. “I just happen to know a brilliant shop looking for a partnership right here in this neighborhood!” She stands and makes a grand gesture of spreading her arms wide. “Aqua Glass!”

Peridot’s eyes widen in shock. “Here?” She asks. “ _You_? You’d—You’d be willing to partner?”

“Of course!” Lapis taps her finger against her lip. “I’ve been thinking about doing something different with the bar. I mean, it’s a little big for my liking anyways. I don’t need the dance-floor. People can go to clubs for that kinda shit. Just take that away, put in a little sector for your computers and shit, and boom—we got a cyber café bar thing! It’s revolutionary.”

Peridot laughs once. Then she turns serious. “Lapis, this is a big deal. A partnership… Have you ever even had one before?”

Lapis shrugs. “I’ve had _partners_ before. What’s so different?”

“The financial aspect of it, for one.”

Lapis bends down and says, “I have my mom for that. And Steven. And Connie. And God, not to mention Sapphire. She’s managed to rope me out of _so_ many financial disasters in the past six years.” She clears her throat and says, “But look, I wanna do this. I’m absolutely serious about this. I wanna partner up with Cyber Marine. I wanna—” She sighs. “I want it to _live_.”

Peridot stares at her in disbelief, her mind branching out to a million different places. With a slight shake of her head, her lips curl upwards in an uncertain smile, and she squeezes the hands wrapped around hers. “You’re sure about this?”

Lapis nods. “A hundred percent. Let’s turn Aqua Glass cybernetic.”

Peridot snorts. “Okay well, first order of business—brush up on your tech talk.”

Lapis laughs. “I’ll work on it! In the meantime, you can figure out what you wanna do with the dance-floor. It isn’t much, but we can take away the DJ booth, turn it into a sort of… I don’t know, overseer watcher place thing? You could keep an eye on everybody, make sure they don’t do illegal shit in your sanctum.”

“Okay, second order of business, _never_ use the word ‘sanctum’ to describe my cyber café ever again.” Peridot says. “ _Ever_.”

Lapis laughs. “You’re giving me a lot of material here.”

“Also, keep the DJ booth. I kinda like the aesthetic it gives. Some gamers would appreciate the beats too.”

Lapis nods. “Okay, we’re getting somewhere.”

Peridot pauses for a moment, staring down at her hands. “Are you sure you’re okay with having a bunch of shouting, screaming, cursing gamers creating a huge commotion in your bar? I mean, cyber cafes aren’t _quiet_. We get _very_ loud. And all those games?” She shakes her head. “Some people like to blast it out of their speakers. Gun shots. Explosions. Sword kills… The list goes on.”

Lapis thinks about it for a moment. When has she ever disapproved to _any_ kind of noise that drowns out the decapitating silence in her mind? Never, she believes. “People come here to drink and unwind. If the noise bothers them,” She shrugs. “Fuck them. We can cater to gamers instead. I don't give a shit. So long as people buy the Water Bitch, we're all good.”

Peridot shoots her a wry smile. “I don't think you're considering this hard enough. This is a _big_ decision, Lapis.”

“Yeah, and I wanna make it. With you.” Lapis sits back down and sighs. “I've never been financially challenged. Not really. I have a good life. A stable one. Aqua Glass is a good business, but it can be better. It can evolve. All things change. Whether it turns out good or bad is all based on perception. And I think I see our future cyber-bar as something _good_. Potentially great, even.”

Peridot's smile widens. She leans in to kiss Lapis's hands, before giving them a tight squeeze. “You're so optimistic. It's sweet.”

Lapis rolls her eyes. “I'm not a kid. I know this is a risk,” She pauses, staring down at their intertwined hands, before saying, “But there's no risk too big if it means making you happy. And Cyber Marine makes you happy. I wanna preserve it.”

Peridot stares at her long and hard, scrutinizing the offer. She's never considered a _partnership_ before. After all, what company would be daft enough to partner up with a cyber cafe? With a partnership, the wage would be set fair, rent would be settled easily—there'd be less struggling, less haggling. But at the same time, partnerships come with shared struggles. They come with hassles of their own as well. Peridot isn't sure. But one look at her girlfriend's face convinces her that she should, at the very least, _try_. She breaks into a grin and chuckles.

“Okay,” She whispers. “You win.”

Lapis's eyes widen. “What?”

“Let's—Let's do this,” Peridot says. “Let's be partners.”

“Really?!”

Peridot laughs at the expression on Lapis's face, bright with enthusiasm and shocked with joy. “Yes. I'm willing to do it if you want it so badly!”

Lapis pulls away with a whoop, pumping her fists in the air. “Operation Cyber-Bar is a _go_!”

Peridot chuckles and says, “Okay, we are _not_ calling it Cyber-Bar. We need a _catchy_ name. Something cool and flashy. Familiar. But also new.”

Lapis grins. “I like the way your brain wheels work,” She says with a wink.

“Cybertech Drinks?” Peridot murmurs, leaning back.

Lapis joins her, positioning herself so that her arm is hooked over Peridot's. “Alcoholic Computers.”

“Now you're just making fun.”

Lapis laughs. “Guilty.”

Peridot thinks about it, and then says, “Cyber Glass?”

Lapis turns to her and nods. “Not bad.”

“Still missing something though.”

They stare off at the rows of drinks stacked together behind the counter, framed in fancy glass casings and slapped with long strips of pretty paper labeling. Lapis lets her feet dangle in the air for a moment, her gaze concentrated on the neon sign above the shelves. And then her feet drop, and her eyes widen in realization. She pushes herself up on her elbow and gasps.

“I got it.”

Peridot stares at her with an eyebrow raised. “What?”

“I got the perfect name.”

“What is it?”

Lapis turns around and faces her, her lips spreading out into a grin. “Aqua Marine.”

Peridot furrows her brows. “Aqua... marine,” She echoes. “That's—Isn't that—That's actually—” She shakes her head, her face brightening in exuberance. “That's actually _perfect_.”

Lapis laughs. “I know right! Look at my brain—being all useful for once.”

“Did we just officialize our new Cyber-bar?” Peridot asks.

Lapis grins and leans in, planting a quick kiss on Peridot's soft lips before murmuring, “Yes, my love. Yes we fucking _did._ ”

Peridot giggles and says, “I can't wait to start,” She winks. “ _Partner_.”

Lapis's heart warms. She doesn't know what it is, but the thought of working with Peridot everyday, the thought of having her by her side, having her in _sight_ at all times, watching her work, knowing she's completely happy and content where she is—it brings Lapis an unquantifiable amount of joy. One that she can't contain. Her face glows with pride and excitement as she stares back at her new partner, the thought of their new franchise bringing happiness into her very bones. Lapis can't control herself. She leans in to smash her lips against Peridot's, causing the littler girl to yelp out in shock. After the initial surprise, Peridot leans into it, wrapping her arms around Lapis's neck and pulling her closer.

“God fucking dammit, Peridot Guntherson,” Lapis whispers against her lips. “I am so fucking in love with you.”

Peridot smiles, her eyes brimming with light-hearted joy and warmth. “Good,” She whispers lovingly, kissing her again and again and again. “Because someday I plan on seeing you walking down that aisle, and I'll be at the altar.

Waiting for you.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two more chapters left, maties. Are you ready?


	22. Moments

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who encouraged me and gave me their support in the last few months. Writer's block is a bitch. 
> 
> Just, thank you.

In a life worth living, Lapis would've done everything she'd wanted to do, met everybody she'd needed to meet, and uncovered everything she'd been destined to discover. In the face of scrutiny, she'd stand tall against judgment knowing she had seen it all. Despite the mistakes of the past and the insecurities of the soul, human beings are susceptible to grow and adapt, to mold challenges into victories. Lapis is painfully aware that life is, essentially, all about overcoming challenges. She's always had trouble dealing. Just _dealing_. But growth does interesting things to the emotional and mental health of particular people. Lapis isn't immune to its affects.

Maturity doesn't come with age, but rather with experiences and self-determination.

She's proud to be who she is now.

_With_ who she is with now.

Peridot wasn't all that fostered her growth—Lapis likes to believe she had wrangled it out on her own, independency at its best—but she was definitely a major part of it. Years of patiently waiting by her side, nurturing wounds, forgiving mistakes, conveying understanding—it's hard to imagine a time Lapis was ever without her. It wasn't _just_ love and understanding, it was commitment, sacrifice, devotion. There were ups and downs. Relationships are never linear, they go berserk like a roller coaster cart gone wild, but the reality of having somebody by your side, no matter what you do, no matter how you feel, and no matter who stands against you, is as poignantly powerful as it is unbelievable. And it wasn't just commitment and sacrifice and devotion. Sometimes the world gives you exactly who you need at exactly the right time.

Fate works in twisted ways, Lapis knows that firsthand.

Peridot seeks to understand and rationalize, she holds out a hand when you're too afraid to raise yours, she stands by you when you falter, but she's running from her own ghosts, and sometimes her logicality blinds her of the more pressing issues in her heart, sometimes she shelves them, sometimes she pretends to be okay. Most times it becomes overbearingly frustrating to try and pry those secrets out of her, to attempt to unnerve her, get her to open up—because she's so reserved and uncertain that sometimes she malfunctions, shuts down like a computer with a virus, going comatose for days at a time, resting, recuperating, but never really healing.

But that's where Lapis comes in.

Emotionally unstable, devoutly persistent and crazily misunderstood—Lapis never relents. When faced with a barrier, she attempts to knock it down. Over and over and over again, until Peridot just doesn't have the energy to raise another, and so Lapis invades her bubble of loneliness, wraps her up in a cocoon, sheltering her, _healing_ , at last. And it works both ways. When Lapis explodes on an array of emotions, overcome with dissatisfaction or fear or envy, Peridot's patient nature holds back on the Earth, weighing her down so she doesn't float too far into the clouds and lose her head in space.

Years of steady understanding have only strengthened the bond, turned it into a weapon that the two use against their demons. Lapis recognizes Peridot's innermost fears, and Peridot understands Lapis's instability and insecurities. What more could you want from a partner?

Lapis's father once told her, “ _If we take care of the moments, the years will take care of themselves._ ” Despite his tendency to engross himself in his work—and consequently forget about his ever-existent family, including his one and only _daughter—_ the man was big on momentous moments. And he _did_ give her and her mom a decent living. Okay, maybe not just 'decent'. More than decent. They've lived off big green all their lives, but Lapis never really understood what he meant until recently.

Sometimes things happen when you least expect it. And sometimes they turn out... more than okay.

She diverts her gaze from the rolling hills outside to stare down at the sleeping form beside her, her eyelids fluttered shut, lips slightly parted, breathing short but deep—her eyelashes waver every time the car shudders and her nose scrunches up each time she nearly gets jolted out of her sleep, but then she settles back down, her breathing steady, her expression light. She drools a little when she sleeps, just at the corner of her mouth as it hangs open, the slight trickle of saliva dripping down her chin, waking her enough to realize the sensation and swipe it away with a quick flick of her wrist before tumbling back into unconsciousness. She's both a light and heavy sleeper, always easily awakened, but just as easily knocked out. She likes to mumble when she sleeps. Sometimes soft and inaudibly, sometimes loud and obnoxiously. Lapis took a recording once and showed her. Peridot never took a nap around her for a month after that.

The feel of her head resting on her shoulder has always brought her a certain amount of comfort. It would ache after a while, but she never really minded. She's never minded Peridot being close to her.

After three years, you'd think she'd get over the thought. But she never really did.

She lets the arm she had wrapped around Peridot's shoulder wiggle its way up so that her fingers just barely graze the surface of her girlfriend's soft, pale cheek. The aforementioned girl murmurs quietly in her sleep, making Lapis smile. She touches her with appreciation, and then she leans in and kisses her on the forehead.

“Hey,” She whispers, gently breathing out. “Thank you.”

More mumbling, a slight shuffling, and then, “For what?”

Lapis pulls away, smirking. “Okay. Forty-eighth time now you've pretended to be asleep on me.”

The edge of Peridot's lips quirks upwards into a smile. “I really wasn't trying to,” She says, before yawning. “I _was_ asleep. But then I woke up, and I heard you.”

“Look at that timing,” Lapis murmurs, watching the way Peridot's face brightens when she opens her eyes, watching the way it lights up with joy when their gazes lock. “The bond is as strong as ever.”

Peridot laughs. The sound still manages to make Lapis's chest burn with warmth. “It better be. I'm committing a lot into this partnership.”

“ _Partnership_ , huh?”

“Of course,” Peridot grins, and though she's awake, she remains by Lapis's side, her head pressed against her shoulder. “This is a business bond, after all. Aquamarine's doing good, but it could do better.”

“Says the owner of _the_ hottest Cyber-bar in the city.”

“Because it was the original.”

“Mmhm. And whose idea was it?” Lapis teases playfully.

Peridot scoffs. “Mine,” She says. “Duh.”

Lapis nudges her, and Peridot responds by laughing and leaning up to kiss her lightly on the cheek. Lapis is just about to say something, but then Peridot immediately leans in to press their lips together. Firmly. Wholly. And when she pulls away, Lapis's breath is caught in her throat. She swallows it back down and exhales.

Breathless.

Every single damn time.

“Thought you said this was a business bond,” Lapis whispers, flicking her gaze down to meet Peridot's.

The littler girl only smiles in response. “It is,” She says, pulling away. “With its benefits.”

Lapis stifles a chuckle and shakes her head. “I'm only the side-hoe, I get it.”

“Hey, if you're so offended, you could always just propose.”

Lapis glances at her, Peridot smiles back. She breathes out a chuckle and shrugs. “I'll think about it, stranger.”

“Mmm, I get it.” Peridot stretches a little, curling her body to the right before mimicking the action on the opposite side. “All this? The attitude and perfection? It's a lot to handle.” She throws Lapis a smile and says, “I'll give you time to think about it.”

This has been a recurring theme—Peridot joking about marriage, Lapis awkwardly trying to evade it. The taller girl takes a breath and says, “We're almost there.”

For the briefest of moments, a flash of hurt corrodes the beauty on Peridot's face, but the image disappears as quickly as it had appeared. She whirls around to face the driver in front, her eyes glued to the long length of barren fields and rolling hills. “Almost there,” She repeats quietly. “You excited to see everybody again?”

Lapis chuckles. “That's the understatement of the year. It's been what, five months?”

“Six,” Peridot whispers, grinning. “Six months since Steven and Connie's baby shower.”

“Right. Little Nora's baby shower. Shit, she's six months old now,” Lapis shakes her head wistfully. “I can't believe it. What if she's taller than me?”

Peridot shoots her a look. “Babe. Come on.”

Lapis laughs. “What? It's plausible.”

“In what world would a six-month-old baby be taller than a full-grown adult, Lapis Lazuli?”

“In the world of Benjamin Button,” Lapis leans back with her arms crossed. “I rest my case.”

Peridot shoves her, inciting a throaty laugh.

“Aye!”

“I'm gonna leave your ass someday.”

Lapis hums in disagreement before wrapping an arm around her girlfriend's shoulders. “Leave my ass some ice cream the next time you go on a Lord of the Rings marathon? That'll be the day.”

“Keep talking, wise guy, we'll see how fast I can get my bags packed.”

Lapis leans in and kisses her lightly on the neck. “Keep threatening, baby, but we all know the truth.”

“Mmm, and what's that exactly?”

Lapis drags her lips up to her jaw and kisses it. Then she tightens her grip over her shoulder before whispering into her ear, “That you wouldn't leave me, and even if you did, I would _drag_ you back into my arms if I had to.”

Peridot shuts her eyes and chuckles. “Getting a little possessive, aren't we?”

“But you like it when I'm possessive.”

“You sure about that?”

“Positive.”

Lapis pulls away and the green-eyed blonde flashes her a knowing smile. “Well,” She murmurs. “I guess you know me too well.”

They lace their fingers together, their grips tight and tender, loving and fierce all the same. Peridot looks out the window and smiles, the sight of that familiar dirt path coming into view just beyond a sign that reads _Grandma Universe's Old Tennessee Barn._ Peridot squeezes Lapis's hand in enthusiasm, and her girlfriend returns the gesture by kissing her lovingly on the cheek. “Let's do this,” She whispers into her ear.

They thank the Uber driver before unloading their duffel bags from the car. Their legs have been asleep for the majority of the ride, so trekking up the semi-steep slope is a lot like trying to wrestle an elephant—tiring and, to put it simply, _painful_. It doesn't help that Peridot insisted on bringing practically her entire cabinet of gadgets along _just in case_ she gets some spare time to tweak a few motherboards or disassemble a new compact CPU. Her addiction to everything technology can be a handful at times, but she's compensated by being extremely patient with Lapis's own addiction to... Netflix TV shows. Her favorite, currently, happens to be 13 Reasons Why.

“I mean, what the fuck, Hannah?” Lapis murmurs, shaking her head. “Why didn't you just _tell_ Clay you liked him?”

Peridot breathes out a gentle sigh of frustration as she pauses, for the umpteenth time, to catch her breath. “We really gonna have this discussion right now? _Again_?”

Lapis shoots her a look. “Why can't you ever just back me up?”

“I support logicality. And the logical assumption towards Hannah's whole situation lies predominantly in culture, Lapis,” She straightens, her hands pressed up against the bottom of her back, before saying, “Teenagers never say what they really feel. Did _you_ ever confess to a crush as a Sophomore in high school?”

Lapis narrows her gaze, remaining silent for a moment or two. Clearly, Peridot's right. Yet again. But Lapis still shakes her head and says, “Okay, but Clay _clearly_ liked her.”

“Maybe from a watcher's point of view, but probably not from Hannah's.”

“Can you stop being right all the time? Jesus.”

Peridot laughs before continuing up her ascent, reaching out to grab Lapis's wrist for support. “Are we almost there yet?”

“You sound like you're dying. You weren't this out of shape the last time we came up here.”

Peridot flashes her a pointed look. “Last time we _drove_ the entire way up, Lapis.”

“Oh,” Lapis laughs. “That makes a lot of sense.” Without another word, Lapis reaches out to pluck the two duffel bags sagging loosely from Peridot's shoulders to swing them over her own, adjoining the two with the one she's already carrying. Lapis's bag isn't monstrously heavy. After all, all she packed were clothes and a set of toiletries, because she's aware she had to _pack light_ ; and while Peridot's first bag weighs about the same as Lapis's in that respect, her _second_ bag weighs _volumes_. Peridot knows that, because she's been struggling to carry it up the hill this entire time. But Lapis hasn't said anything about it's weight. She's merely walking, trudging, cruising silent, with a look of contentment, and a smile across her pursed lips.

“Lapis,” Peridot whispers, speeding up her pace to match her girlfriend's. “You don't have to—I mean, I can carry them myself.”

Lapis glances at her and shrugs. “It's fine.”

Peridot colors, before awkwardly staring at her arms. It's no lie—Lapis is still amazingly well-built. Especially now, after she and Peridot have agreed on an equal partnership. Because that dependency gives Lapis a lot of time to branch out and work on herself, if need be. And she _has_ been working on herself. Peridot's never been one for rippling physiques; she looks at the mind and the heart and the soul—but Jesus Christ, you'll never hear her complaining about Lapis's toned form. Her girlfriend is seriously the single hottest girl in the entire city. In the entire country.

Fuck, in the entire damn _world_.

The edge of Peridot's lips quirks upwards in a smile, and she yells, “Hey, dipshit!”

Lapis whirls around, offended. “ _Excuse me_?”

Peridot catches up to her in three long strides, before grabbing her hand and walking the rest of the way in front of her. When she turns back to watch her girlfriend's face morph into one of confused amusement, she shoots back with a simple, “Quit showing off your stupid muscles, clod.”

It takes her a moment to register that because of its suddenness, but when she does, Lapis's lips immediately spread out into a smile, because she knows exactly what that statement entails. A quiet agreement, a surrender, a begrudging—yet undeniably grateful— _thank you;_ with a grin, Lapis playfully says, “Yes, ma'am.”

Peridot snorts, and Lapis can't help but chuckle. Because this dynamic? This relationship?

Peridot?

It's everything to her.

* * *

 

When they get to the barn, the first thing they find is a vacuum of silence, which is very unlike the family. They're the kinds to literally kick up a storm just for the sake of having a good time. This silence? This joyous and calm peace? Unlike them. And very, very strange. Lapis dumps their bags along one side of the barn before making her way towards an open-letter sitting conspicuously on top of the desk. She picks it up, scans through it, and laughs.

“ _Down by the lake. Get dressed for swimming and join us,_ ” Lapis reads, waving the piece of paper in the air for her girlfriend to see. “ _Love, Steven._ ”

“They sure didn't waste their time,” Peridot muses.

“Do they ever?”

“And here I thought we could just sit back and relax after first getting here,” Peridot draws out a long sigh. “Wishes hardly ever come true.”

Lapis rolls her eyes. “Whatever, Ms. Drama-Queen. You can 'sit back and relax' when we get to the lake.”

“Yeah, but it's not the same. They're gonna make me swim, I just know it.”

“So swim.”

Peridot makes a face. “Did my whole _I thought we could just sit back and relax_ thing make _no_ sense to you?!”

Lapis shoots her a wry grin as she rummages through her duffel bag for her swimsuit. “Babe, calm down. You have the whole damn weekend to kick back and relax. Just take a moment to have fun with the family.”

“Mmhmm,” Peridot hums reluctantly, crossing her arms over her chest. “Why do I get the eerie sense that _you're_ gonna be the one hauling me into the lake?”

Lapis snort-chuckles. “Because you know me too well?” Peridot kicks her backside with her toe, causing the taller girl to whirl around with an amused, “Hey!”

Peridot raises her hands in surrender. “Wasn't me.”

“Dork.”

“Clod.”

Lapis rolls her eyes before throwing a bikini set at Peridot's face. The other girl, despite having little to no motor skills whatsoever, catches it after a brief moment of surprise, because despite her slow reflexes, her girlfriend's given her a lot to work with over the years. Lapis throws shit at her all the time, and it's friggin' infuriating especially when Peridot doesn't expect it. But now she's used to it. She's only been hit by the TV remote control twice in the past two weeks now. That's _progress_!

“Hurry up and change, loser,” Lapis says, standing up with her own bikini dangling from her fingers. “And no peeking.”

Peridot looks offended. “Excuse me? I'm your _girlfriend—”_

“Yeah, that means you've already seen everything there is to see,” Lapis winks. “Nothing else to share here.”

Peridot makes a pfsh sound with her lips. “Oh, there's _everything_ to share, Lapis Lazuli.” Despite her reluctance, she rolls her eyes one last time at her taller girlfriend before whirling around in compliance.

Though that doesn't keep her from slyly looking over her shoulder after taking off her shorts to peek anyway.

Lapis has her top and bra off, and is in the process of removing her shorts, when Peridot looks over. It's not as if the sight takes her by surprise. After all, Peridot's witnessed her girlfriend naked a thousand times before. But it's different... when you're so engrossed with the person you're dating. Every experience is something... _new_. Suddenly Peridot's breath is caught in her throat, and though she tries her hardest to tear her gaze away out of respect... the stronger part in her keeps watching, because to be faced with this kind of beauty is—Peridot has no words. Lapis is so fucking beautiful.

Lapis removes the rest of her clothes until she's butt-naked, and then she pulls her bikini bottom on. “What're the chances that the barn's completely empty the second we arrive?” She muses with her back still turned.

Peridot takes a shaky breath. “Hm,” She murmurs, biting her lip. “Kinda feels like a sign, don't you think?”

A pause.

Lapis chuckles softly, bending downwards to grab her bikini top. “Kinda sounded like you were insinuating something naughty there, stranger.”

Peridot's self-control is crumbling. How long has it been since they've done it? A week? Two? Three? Aquamarine's been crazy busy. They haven't caught a break in forever.

“But we've gotta get down to the lake. I texted Steven like fifteen minutes before we got here so he's probably expecting u—”

Lapis's words wash away with a loud, sensual gasp. She shuts her eyes and arches her back at Peridot's touch, her girlfriend's hands quick around her waist before dropping over to the spot between her thighs. Lapis reaches back to grasp ferociously at Peridot's exposed thighs, gripping it with an intensity that could rival Peridot's hot, laborious breaths.

“What—What're you doing—” Lapis whispers, looking back at Peridot from over her shoulder, her body still tense with anticipation.

Peridot raises an eyebrow before coyly pulling away. “Do you not want this—”

“ _No_!” Lapis hesitates, before lowering her voice, “N-No, that's not—I mean, it was just unexpected, I didn't think—” Her words are, once again, drowned out by the feeling of Peridot peppering kisses down her neck. “I—oh my God, I can't—I mean, this is—not to say I'm not enjoying it but—Mmm, _Peridot_ —”

Peridot chuckles against her skin. “Moan my name like that a little louder, bartender.”

Lapis lets out a breathy laugh. “Fucking exhibitionist.”

Peridot traces kisses down her shoulder and back, at the same time using her hand to stroke her girlfriend's lower lips gently over the fabric of her bikini bottom. Lapis bites her lip, hot in her sexual haze, until Peridot straightens, giving Lapis the opportunity to lean back and capture her in a kiss. In an instant, Lapis has their positions swapped. She whirls around and lunges onto the smaller girl, lifting her up as Peridot wraps herself around Lapis's body; all the while the two keep their lips together, kissing harshly and passionately, with their body pressed against each other and their tongues interlocked.

“Peridot—don't you think—we should—go—lake—” Lapis manages to murmur in between heated kisses.

Peridot shakes her head. “Just stop talking,” She exclaims, grabbing a fistful of Lapis's hair and pulling on it just enough to get Lapis to bend her head backwards, giving Peridot enough leeway to lean in and press kisses down her neck.

“Jesus—” Lapis breathes out slowly, her back coming into contact with the wall. Her nails dig deep into Peridot's back, carving little marks, scratches, until Peridot's teeth nibble lightly at her shoulder, and then Lapis tenses, her nails digging deeper into skin, creating scars on her body. Peridot groans, bringing her face back up to kiss her blue-haired lover on the lips.

“So,” Lapis exhales, grinning. “We're really doing this?”

Peridot licks her lips, a hint of a smirk tugging at one end of her mouth, and says, “Just try and stop me, gorgeous.”

* * *

 

Lapis wraps a towel over her girlfriend's shoulders and kisses her on the side of her head. “Well,” She murmurs against her hair, smiling. “That was something.”

Peridot giggles childishly, snaking an arm around Lapis's waist. “That's one way to put it.”

“Oh yeah,” Lapis nods. “I mean, I would've said something like, _that was the most intense orgasm I've had in three months_. But that would mean insulting all the other times you've brought me to the highest regions of nirvana, so—”

“Wait,” Peridot pauses, staring up at her. “Are you serious?”

Lapis laughs. “Baby, we've done it like a million times. And you, of all people, should know how bad I am at 'faking it', so if my body shudders uncontrollably and my eyes roll to the back of my head, you _know_ it was a good one. This one just so happened to be... crazy intense.” She shrugs. “Like, _crazy_.”

Peridot rolls her eyes, but a grin worms its way up to her lips. “Uh-huh.”

They trip their way down the hill, a backpack slung over Lapis's shoulders, both cladded in bikinis. Lapis's is blue, Peridot's is green—sometimes they'd switch it up and swap colors. It's endearing because Lapis isn't too fond of green, and Peridot's totally sick of the color blue. But they enjoy it because it's _theirs_.

“You think Steven's grown out his beard?”

Lapis cringes. “God, I hope not. I love the guy but every time he has that thing, I just wanna rip it off his face.”

“Makes him look a lot more Dad-like though,” Peridot muses.

Lapis rolls her eyes and scoffs. “Oh yeah, that's what we need. Steven daddying me everywhere I go.”

“ _Daddying_?” Peridot repeats, laughing. “You did _not_ just use that word with a straight face.”

Lapis shrugs. “I'm a shu-in for the Oscars, that's no surprise.”

“Oh, in your _dreams._ ”

At the bottom of the hill sits a lake, wide in its diameter, deep in its depth, the sun's hot reflection casting an almost dreamy air around it, a perfect sight from a perfect movie. Lapis isn't gonna lie that the view is bringing back some deep-seeded memories. Three years ago today, she stood at that lake crying as her best friend tried desperately to keep her from burying herself in a tomb of her own feelings. She can still remember his arms tight around her body, the scent of his shampoo, the feel of his breath as he broke down in front of her, uncertain, afraid—the feels were strong then. She remembered staring into the water and thinking about how dark it looked, how merciless it seemed. And now here she is, three years later, making her way to that exact spot with the love of her life beside her, unimaginably happy, unbelievably content.

It's funny how reflections change.

Just before the lake in an enclosed area pitched together by chairs and tents is a group of people camped together, barbecuing kebab sticks and talking loudly with a radio broadcasting some live baseball game. Some of them have abandoned their civility and dived headfirst into the water, splashing about, making waves—just having fun. At the center of it all is a man with a bush of dark hair, tied together in a ponytail. Next to him is a woman, and in her lap—a baby.

Peridot laces her fingers through Lapis's. “You ready, hot shot?”

Lapis grins, but instead of responding, she takes a deep breath and then releases it with one loud, “ _Sorry for crashing the party!_ ”

Peridot rolls her eyes, all-too-used to her girlfriend's _obnoxious_ antics.

Everybody whirls around to address them, exchanging greetings, raising open palms, tipping heads. But the one person who stands up and approaches them is none other than the man himself—

“Lapis, Peridot,” Steven murmurs, grinning. “About time you guys got here.”

Lapis laughs, gazing over Steven's bare jaw. “Thank God you don't have a beard.”

Steven laughs. “Six months of not seeing each other and _that's_ the first thing you say to me?”

“She was really worried about it the whole way here,” Peridot muses, leaning up to kiss her girlfriend in the cheek before sashaying down to greet Connie.

Lapis shifts between her feet, glancing up at Steven with grin. “Been a while.”

Steven's smile widens. “C'mere, dumbass.” And then he has her in a headlock. She yells out protests, slamming her open palm against his arm in retaliation, but he doesn't let go until they're both by Peridot and Connie's side. Lapis is down on her knees by the time he pulls away.

“Jesus shit,” She exclaims, rubbing her sore neck. “I've always known you wanted to murder me but _Christ_.”

Connie laughs but turns immediately to address her husband. “Steven, calm down with the roughhousing.”

Steven raises his hands in defeat. “It's not my fault Lapis brings out the kid in me.”

“ _Kid_?” Lapis chokes. “More like _beast_ , holy fuck.”

Peridot swats her in the arm. “Lapis, _language_.” She nods her head at the baby in Connie's lap. “We have _babies_ in the vicinity.”

But the mention of little Nora only serves to brighten the expression on Lapis's face. She pulls herself up to her feet and approaches the baby girl, watching the way her face crinkles with surprise, before breaking into one of happiness as Lapis's face comes into view. Nora squeals out in excitement, her little hands outstretched in front of her, grabby and needy. Lapis can't help but laugh, her grin widening when Nora latches on to her fingers, pulling on them with playful fervor.

“Look at you!” Lapis exclaims, her grin stretching from one ear to the other. “Look at how big you are!”

Connie smiles warmly. “She's grown quite a bit.”

“I think 'a bit' is an understatement,” Steven muses, scratching the back of his neck.

“She's _beautiful_ ,” Peridot says with a grin, combing the baby's dark hair back. “And she's starting to look a lot like you, Steven.”

Steven shrugs, but even he can't hide the pride on his face. “Little Nora takes after her dad.”

“Hopefully not in all aspects,” Connie muses, shooting Steven a coy smile. “I don't wanna deal with _two_ stubborn children racing around the house screaming for attention. One's already enough.”

Lapis snorts. “Oh, that must've hurt, buddy. You alright?”

Steven rolls his eyes, but he's smiling. “Trust me, I've heard worse.” He leans down to peck Connie on the cheek before straightening. “You guys want a drink? Soda? Beer?”

“I'll get a beer,” Lapis says chirpily, making dumb expressions at Nora as she laughs and wiggles in Connie's arms.

“I'll go with,” Peridot says to Steven. She gives Nora one last stroke on the head before turning on her heels and following Steven towards a cooler box pitched beside one of the tents.

Lapis lets Nora play with her fingers.

After a moment, Connie asks “Do you wanna carry her?”

The blue-haired bartender whips her gaze up. “Oh no,” She mutters shyly, shooting her a grin. “I'm—I'm bad with kids.”

Connie raises an amused eyebrow. “Um, are you serious? Doesn't seem that way to me,” She tips her chin out at Nora as she sucks sloppily on Lapis's right index finger. “Nora _loves_ you. And she's very selective with people.”

Lapis blushes. “It's just cause she's you guys' baby. It's in the blood.”

“Oh hush, Lapis,” Connie raises the baby a little, causing the girl to murmur in surprise, her eyes wide with confusion. “C'mon,” She whispers. “Take her.”

Lapis stares at little baby Nora, her expression awkward and uncertain, her hands fidgeting. She's only held her once. Six months ago. Back when she was only a little baby wrapped up in a bundle, unable to talk or appropriately respond. Back then, she'd been fast asleep. Lapis cradled her in her arms for about two minutes, and then Pearl swooped in to take her away. She never touched her again, though she did catch glimpses of her in her cradle after she threw up all over Pearl's dress (now _that's_ a funny story).

But this time, it's different. Nora's older. Nora's awake. And Nora's... _waiting_ for her.

What—What if she disappoints?

“Lapis?”

Lapis brings her gaze up to meet Connie's.

She's smiling. “Don't worry,” She says softly. “You're already like another mother to her.”

That hits Lapis hard in the chest. She swallows, and then reaches out to take Nora in her arms. The little baby grabs onto her like a tree, grappling up her shirt and laughing in her ear. Lapis laughs too, struggling to keep a proper balance as the baby presses against her weight, causing her to stumble back in a squat.

“W—Woah,” She murmurs. “Hey Nora, calm down!”

Connie laughs. “Sorry, did I forget to mention that she's a spark plug when she's excited?”

“Yeah!” Lapis exclaims, burning red. “You kinda did!”

And then Nora reaches up to swat at Lapis's nose, and the blue-haired bartender loses her balance and falls on her rear. Nora's safe from harm, but Lapis's bum is aching up something fierce from the force.

“Ouch,” She whispers, glancing down at Nora with one eye closed. “You are... _just_ like your dad.”

Little Nora giggles as if she understood, and then presses her head against Lapis's shoulder.

“Aw, isn't that the cutest thing you've ever seen?”

Lapis shoots her gaze up to watch Steven and Peridot come back with two packs of beer in their arms. Peridot focuses on the sight before her, her expression neutral, and then she smiles, her head tilted a little to the left, her eyes warm, soft, a little wistful. Steven drops the pack of beers, rips one out of the paper case and hands it to Lapis. She grabs it with a chuckle.

“I think your girl likes me more than she likes you,” She muses.

Steven clicks his tongue. “She's fond of friends she hadn't seen in a while, but I'm _pretty sure_ she still prefers the larger, hairier one of us two.”

Peridot takes Steven's place on his chair, partly because of Connie's urging, but mostly because her legs are still sore from their climb up the hill. “Good thing, too, considering Lapis is _far_ from being capable of taking care of another human being.”

Lapis gapes at her. “Excuse me, madame, what does that mean? I'm completely capable of raising a child.”

Peridot shoots her an incredulous look. “ _Really_? After you almost burned down the kitchen for the second time in a month last week?”

“Okay, hold on, I _never_ said I was good at cooking—”

“And not to mention the dry-cleaning you _forgot_ to pick up last month—”

“So I forget things sometimes, big deal!”

“—and that new Ducati motorcycle you left _unlocked_ in front of Aquamarine three months ago.”

Lapis shuts her eyes, her expression pained and discomforted. “Okay,” She murmurs in a low breath. “That one's on me. It _still_ hurts.”

Steven shakes his head. “Don't tell me—”

“It was stolen,” Peridot clips in dry amusement.

Lapis stares at her in distress. “You don't have to be so _mean_ about it!”

Peridot rolls her eyes and says, “We managed to get it back, but it was a crazy hassle. Took us a week. Non-stop phone calls. Reports.” She sighs, massaging her temples. “Thankfully, the sucker who stole it wasn't even _discreet_ about it.”

Lapis glances down at Nora, who's back to sucking on Lapis's thumb in newfound excitement. “I actually knew him. Came down to Aqua Glass a few times a few years back. He apologized, and then complimented my taste in motorcycles.”

“He also _hit_ on you, if I recall correctly.”

Lapis looks up at Peridot with a smirk, noticing her sharp tone. “And I, very quickly, shut him down.”

Peridot blinks, then says, “And _I_ punched him in the jaw.”

Steven does a spit-take. “Wait, _what?_ ”

“You're serious?” Connie asks in amazement.

“Oh, she's dead serious,” Lapis says, laughing. “The asshole was so fucking—” Peridot glares at her, and she clamps her lips shut. “Sorry, sorry _._ The _dumb dude_ was so _freaking_ persistent—” Peridot nods her head in satisfaction. “—that Peridot eventually lost her cool. I was about to deck him anyways, she just beat me to the punch.”

“Literally,” Peridot whispers.

Lapis throws her a wry grin, and Peridot can't help but smirk in her direction. Because though neither of them are willing to retell the story of what happened next, they still remember it as if it happened yesterday. The feel of Peridot's hot breath, the sight of her eyes alight with fury, the tension in her arms—God, it drove Lapis crazy. So they escaped back to their apartment and had crazy rigorous sex. Lapis doesn't know why, but the sight of Peridot so worked up and overheated with jealousy—

Oh no, Lapis is getting horny again.

“ _Well_ ,” Steven murmurs, glancing at them both in turn. “Looks like you guys had a very interesting six months.”

Lapis blinks herself awake, and then she looks down at the baby in her lap. Suddenly, she feels unclean. She laughs, before nodding at Steven, and raising Nora in her arms towards him. “You can say that.”

Steven takes the baby girl with a smile, and then kisses her softly on her forehead, causing Nora to gurgle out in happiness, saliva dripping at the corners of her mouth. “Well, we've been stuck with this little sucker while you two have been away chasing down motorcycle-thieves.”

The corner of Lapis's lips quirks upwards into a smile. “Stuck with this precious girl? Doesn't sound too bad to me.”

Peridot stares at her for a moment, her expression unreadable, and when Lapis looks up to meet her gaze, she immediately looks down, her cheeks reddening.

“Yeah, well, you might think differently after the fourth week of waking up at 3 AM to change diapers and—” Steven pauses when Connie's phone rings loudly from her side. She takes a look at the screen, smiles, and mouthes 'Pearl' before standing up to receive the call. “Ah,” Steven whispers. “Looks like Her Highness has arrived.”

Lapis snorts. “Do you know who else is coming?”

“Pearl and Amethyst, for sure. I'm not sure about Jasper. She said something about a boxing tournament, but she'll try her best to make it. Ruby and Sapphire are coming even though they initially planned on going to Japan. It'd be Garnet and Grant's first trip, so I told them that it'd be fine to skip the barn this year, but they were _adamant_.”

Peridot waggles her eyebrows. “Oooh, the twins' first trip! How exciting.”

Steven grins and nods. “It'd be nice for Nora to meet them now that she's... y'know, _older_.”

“Man, but Japan is so much more exciting than Grandma's old Tennessee barn.” Lapis says.

“Hey!” Steven exclaims, smacking Lapis on the thigh. “Don't diss ol Grandma Universe!”

Lapis laughs and raises her hands. “Aye, I'm sorry, Jesus!”

“But hey, I heard your mom's coming,” Steven turns to Peridot with his eyebrows raised. “And your parents too. Is that true?”

Peridot colors, but she's smiling, albeit a little awkwardly. “Yeah, after three years, I think they've finally accepted the fact that Lapis is my girlfriend,” She laughs. “They're... _trying_. Half-heartedly, but hey, it's something.”

Lapis shoots her girlfriend a compassionate smile. “Bambi actually didn't glower at me when I extended the invitation.”

Steven stifles his laugh with a cough. “Sorry,” He murmurs. “ _Bambi_ still catches me off-guard.”

Peridot rolls her eyes, and just at that moment, Connie comes back, placing her phone back down on the little extension next to the chair before taking a seat. “Pearl and Amethyst are almost here,” She says, taking a sip from her lemonade. “Though um, things sounded a bit tense on the phone.”

Lapis raises an eyebrow. “What do you mean?”

“You haven't heard?” Steven asks.

“Heard what?”

Steven looks at Lapis and Peridot both, and then says, “Pearl and Amethyst have been having... _issues_ for a while now.”

Lapis blinks, and then she asks, “What kind of issues?”

“Just... arguing a lot,” Connie whispers awkwardly, shrugging. “Pearl sounded really tired on the phone.”

“We've tried helping,” Steven says. “But there's not much we can do. This problem is theirs to solve.”

As if by instinct, Lapis's gaze shoots up to meet Peridot's. The two stare at each other for a moment, exchanging a solid understanding, before Peridot says, “Well, let's hope their problems get settled soon.”

Steven nods, making a face at Nora to make her laugh, before saying, “That's all we can do for them right now.”

* * *

 

Lapis steps out of the lake dripping wet, grabbing the towel Steven had so graciously flung towards her as he made his way to the barbecue grill. She dries herself off quickly before draping it over her shoulders, shaking off the water from her hair with a rapid brush. And then she whirls around to glance at Peridot, who's still in the water swimming about with Lapis's nieces and nephews. Peridot catches her eye, smiles, and waves. Lapis happily waves back.

“Looks like the gang's arrived,” Steven says as he passes her.

Lapis glances at him. “Pearl and Amethyst are here?”

He nods, before tipping his head off at the top of the hill. “Ruby and Sapphire too. And hey get this— _Jasper_ said she could make it.”

The corner of Lapis's lips quirks upwards in a smile. “No way. I haven't seen that bastard in ages. I mean, not longer than the time I haven't seen you, but still.” She laughs. “I fucking miss her.”

Steven nods. “Her idiocy does get terribly endearing. You two share that in common.”

Lapis raises an eyebrow. “You tryna pick a fight, Universe?”

“Oh, I wouldn't dare,” He says, laughing. “Not with my daughter in the vicinity, anyways.”

“Right, right, gotta keep up that good-dad act for your little girl.”

“What do you mean 'good-dad act'? I _am_ a good dad!”

Lapis laughs and wraps an arm around his shoulder, following him down to where Connie and Nora are having lunch. “Of course, man. No doubt. Bet your little girl gets a kick out of her dad being a literal real-life _superhero_.”

Steven rolls his eyes and casually waves her away. “Please, it's nothing like that.”

Lapis laughs. “Excuse me, Mr. Firefighter? You literally rush into burning buildings on the daily. You save _lives_ on the daily.”

He shrugs. “It's an occupational hazard but I mean, it's worth it.”

Lapis hums in agreement, before slowly saying, “Heard you almost got into an accident last month though. You should really be careful, Steven.”

Steven shoots her a look. “What're you, my mom?” He chuckles. “I'm _fine_ , Lapis. Look at me. I've never been better.”

But Lapis has her doubts. And she knows her best friend is capable of a lot of things. But he's still only human.

“So how are you and Peridot?” Steven asks once they've settled down. Connie sits beside him, but she's making conversation with one of her relatives while simultaneously trying to calm restless baby Nora to sleep, so chances are, she can't overhear them.

Lapis licks her lips and says, “We're great.”

One corner of Steven's lips curls upwards. “Right,” He says, grabbing two beers from the cooler box before extending one towards Lapis. “But how've you _really_ been?”

Lapis grabs it awkwardly, her gaze focused on a spot beside her foot. She doesn't know how to respond to this.

“Come on, Lap,” Steven whispers. “I know generally, you guys are fine. But—” He pauses, his expression scrunched. “That thing you told me about on the phone—”

“She doesn't know about it yet,” Lapis blurts quickly, her face burning. She runs her fingers through her hair and sighs. “I plan on doing it today.”

Steven raises an eyebrow, dubious. “You sure?”

“What, you doubting my certainty?”

“I'm doubting your courage. No offense.”

Lapis scoff-laughs, before waving him off. “It'll be fine.” But her face is still heating up, so she takes a quick whiff of her beer and swallows. Hard.

“How many times have you _attempted_ to do it now?”

Lapis doesn't respond immediately. Instead she focuses her attention on the grass. With a frown, she ruefully admits, “A few times...”

“What're you waiting for?”

“The _right_ moment.”

Steven laughs. “You still believe in those?”

Lapis sighs. “It's the only thing that helps me get past the nerves. Things could go south, y'know.”

“Lapis, Peridot _loves_ you.” Steven says. “There's no way anything bad will happen.”

“You said it, not me! So if shit goes south—”

“You're twisting my words again.”

Lapis shoots him a grin. “I'm not the one who said it.”

“Yeah, go screw a barrel, would you?”

Lapis shoves her thumb in the air. “Aye, aye, captain.”

Steven flashes her a sarcastic smile, but before he can get a word out, something at the corner of Lapis's eye catches her attention. She whips her gaze towards the four figures trudging down the overhead hill, followed by two littler figures just a little bit bigger than baby Nora. Lapis stands, her lips curled up into a smile. Pearl, who's sporting a beautiful sundress the color of autumn leaves, is the first to spot her. She picks up a hand and waves, though her expression remains a little ashen.

“Yep,” Lapis murmurs to Steven and Connie with her hand still in the air. “Definitely see that whole tension thing going on.”

Steven winces. “Looks like it got worse.”

“Come on, let's go greet them.” Connie says, nudging her elbow against Steven's shoulder.

Lapis watches Steven and Connie go on ahead, baby Nora perched lazily against Connie's arm, her head tucked in the crook of her neck, eyes shut, snoozing quietly. The kid looks tranquil. Lapis wonders if she'll ever be able to be that serene again. And then she looks over her shoulder at Peridot—the idiot's playing water tag with the kids, screaming out wildly as one of Lapis's younger nieces lunges onto her back—and the corner of her lip quirks upwards.

Yeah.

She has a feeling she will.

“Lapis!” Steven calls. “You coming?”

Lapis whirls around and nods. “Let's go greet our merry band of losers.”

“You not calling Peridot?”

“She's having fun,” Lapis says, jogging up to meet him. “She can meet em' later.”

Ruby and Amethyst are the first to reach the bottom of the hill. The tiny boxer kept her signature box hair, though she's wearing _glasses_ now, which makes her look a little odd (but in an endearing way). Amethyst has shifted from purple hair to platinum blonde (how she managed to bleach that motherfucker without incinerating her entire head bald is beyond Lapis, keeping it blue is enough of a hassle as it is), and she has a tattoo on her upper shoulder—a symbol of a snake, kind of like a whip, creeps up from her shoulder to her neck. Ruby's sporting a tight black dri-fit shirt and shorts, while Amethyst has on a purple bikini top and beach shorts.

“Welcome to the lake party,” Steven says with a grin, his arms spread out wide to accept Ruby and Amethyst's embraces.

Lapis hugs them both in turn as well. “Now that you guys are here, maybe we can crank it up a notch and _actually_ have some fun.”

Steven nudges her in the rib. “Leave that for the bonfire, Lazuli.”

Ruby laughs. “So excited to get hammered already?”

Lapis shrugs. “You know me—recovering alcoholic.”

“She's joking.” Steven deadpans.

“But only just a little.”

Connie rolls her eyes, chuckling. “How was the trip, guys?”

Amethyst groans. “Tight. I hate long car rides.”

“You guys took separate cars though, right?” Steven asks just as Sapphire and Pearl reach the bottom of the hill, followed by Garnet and Grant, tripping over themselves and laughing up a storm. Well, Grant's laughing up a storm. Garnet's her usual emotionless self.

Lapis bends down to greet her. “Hey Garnet,” She murmurs, grinning. “What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo?”

Garnet stares up at her through dark, tinted sunglasses, her lips set in a straight line.

“One's really heavy,” Lapis says. “And the other's a little lighter.”

Amethyst snorts into her hand. Ruby leans up to whisper, “I don't get it,” into Sapphire's ear. Garnet stares up at Lapis for a moment, saying nothing, doing nothing—

And then she cracks a smile.

Steven gasps. “She reacted.”

Garnet immediately loses the smile and jogs up to her mother, grabbing her arm.

Lapis chuckles, straightening. “I love that girl.”

Sapphire smiles before stepping forward to hug her. Lapis returns the embrace in kind. “You're the only one who ever gets a crack out of her with those lame jokes.”

“That's cause she loves me,” Lapis says to her, winking down at Garnet, who's back to her stoic, unemotional expression.

Grant, in the meanwhile, has taken to trying to reach Nora, who's swatting down at his outstretched hands from within Connie's arms. Connie winces, struggling to keep her grip on her child. “Let's get to the tent. We can let the kids play and catch up.”

Pearl smiles. “That sounds good. I think we all need to sit down and rest up.” She says, before slowly tracing her gaze to Lapis.

Lapis stares back at her, and grins. “Oh, don't think I forgot about my favorite ex.”

Pearl chuckles and rolls her eyes, before hugging Lapis tightly with both arms over her neck. “Saving the best for last?”

“I mean,” Lapis says, shrugging. “You were the last one down the hill anyways so—”

“Shut up.” Pearl says, laughing.

A pause as they hugged, and then, “You've looked better,” Lapis whispers.

Pearl sighs. “Honestly? I've _felt_ better.”

They pull apart, and Lapis stares at her in worry. “Anything... to be concerned about?”

Pearl glances at Amethyst, who's trudging ahead with the rest of the gang, before saying, “Let's hope not.”

Lapis offers her a hopeful smile, before following the rest of her friends towards the tent. Pearl walks beside her, her arms tense, face rigid.

“Can I get the rundown?”

Pearl sighs, shaking her head. “Honestly it's—it's not even something I can just _get into_. It's like a bunch of accumulated things, pushed together.”

“Have you talked to her about it?”

“Of course. That's the main thing in a relationship.”

Lapis glances at her. “Communication.”

Pearl nods. “But it's—” She sighs. “I don't know. Sometimes it's not that easy.”

“Hearing Pearl Wright say something like that makes me nervous.”

Pearl shakes her head, her face pallid. “You learn as you grow, I guess.”

Has she ever seen Pearl so chest-fallen?

Once.

It wasn't pretty. Lapis never wanted to see that side of her again. Broken and defeated, confused and frustrated, scared, frightened—it was unlike her. It _is_ unlike her. Pearl Wright is many things, but beat down is not one of them. Lapis wraps an arm around her shoulder and squeezes.

Steven raises a beer towards Pearl, who accepts it without hesitation. “All good?” He asks them.

Pearl flashes him a strained smile before walking off to sit beside Connie.

Lapis and Steven share a look, before she smiles crookedly. “Who ever said the drama was dead, right?”

Steven rolls his eyes, though he's just as concerned. They take a seat beside Ruby and Sapphire, passing drinks and clinking cans together.

“The gang's back!” Ruby exclaims, grinning. “What a time to be alive.”

“We're still missing our gentle giant,” Amethyst muses, taking a sip.

“And where's Peridot?” Sapphire asks, turning to Lapis.

She nods her head at the lake. “Having a blast with the kids. You guys should take a dip, the water's great.”

“Soon,” Ruby says, ruffling Grant's hair. The boy, in turn, reaches up to clamp his teeth against her hand. “Ow!” Ruby groans, glaring down at him.

“He's a... feisty one,” Lapis murmurs, her brows furrowed.

Sapphire laughs. “Takes after Ruby.”

“Right,” Steven says, laughing. “Garnet's more of yours.”

“They're both a lot like me!” Ruby says, pulling Garnet up against her side. “Garnet has my wit and intelligence.”

Amethyst does a spit-take against her can. “I'm sorry, don't make jokes like that when I'm drinking.”

“It wasn't a joke!”

Sapphire giggles, wrapping a supportive arm around her blushing wife, who's trying her hardest to come up with a witty comeback. Unfortunately, it seems her aforementioned 'wit' is failing her. Lapis shoots her a smile, before glancing over her shoulder at the lake.

Peridot's walking towards them, a towel wrapped around her shoulders, and a little boy latched onto her calf. She's trying her hardest to shake him off, but he is _adamant_. Lapis laughs, recognizing him as one of Steven's younger cousins. The kid keeps screaming for her to give him another piggy back ride, but Peridot looks exhausted, so being the amazing girlfriend that she is, Lapis stands up and makes her way towards them.

“Got a kid you need getting rid of? Just call the Lazuli Extermination hotline, we take care of children, animals and potential sex offenders. All conditions apply.” Lapis muses once Peridot's within earshot.

The short blonde shoots her an exasperated look before turning back to the boy. “Calvin, please let go of me.”

“You promised another ride!”

“I did _no_ such thing.”

Lapis leans down to face the kid, and then says, “You know I heard your cousin Steven's doing free piggy back rides. And he's like twice Peri's size, so he'll get you twice as high.”

The kid's eyes widen like saucers. “Really?!”

“Totally. Just run up to him and grab him by the neck. He'll know what's going on.”

Calvin immediately unlatches himself and races towards the tent. Lapis straightens, shoots her girlfriend a grin and says, “He's gonna kill me.”

Peridot nods. “He is,” And then she laughs and reaches forward to kiss her on the cheek. “But thanks. I thought I was gonna have to walk all the way there with him wrapped around my leg.”

“It's a good workout.”

“Shut up.”

Lapis wraps an arm around her shoulder and pulls her close, ignoring the water sticking to her already-dry sides. “Gang's looking for you. You came out at the right time.”

“Yeah, I noticed! Jasper not here though?”

Lapis sighs. “I know you miss her, but—”

“You're fucking unbearable.”

Lapis laughs, racing after her girlfriend as she stomps ahead. “Baby! I'm kidding—Wait, slow down, oh my god!”

“Oh no, what'd you do _this_ time, Lazuli?”

Lapis stops dead in her tracks, stumbling on her feet for a moment. She looks over her shoulder, eyes wide, before breaking into a wide grin. “Well, fuck me, look who decided to finally show up.”

Jasper makes her way towards her, a cap over her unruly blonde hair, varsity jacket over her black bikini top, pack of beer underneath her arm. She drops the pack and envelops Lapis in a tight so hug she _swears_ she hears every joint in her body pop.

“Am I late?”

Lapis laughs against her neck. “Nah, we were all just early.”

When Jasper lets go, she keeps her at arm's length, her gaze traveling down the length of her body. “Good,” She says, grinning. “You've been keeping in shape.”

Lapis rolls her eyes. “Course I have, asshole. What do you think I do all day? Drink and eat and do nothing?”

“Basically, yeah.”

Lapis punches her in the shoulder, causing Jasper to burst out in laughter. “I forgot how much I wanted to punch you in the face.”

“Aw, just admit it, Lazuli. You missed me.”

Lapis forces a rigid expression, before shaking her head. “You _wish_.”

“You're tryna' be tough. Cute.”

Lapis laughs before kicking her in the shin, causing Jasper to step back with a laugh. “Ow!” She exclaims.

“Yeah, serves you right, asshole!”

“Aw man,” Steven yells from the tent. Lapis and Jasper look over. He shoots them a wry smile. “There goes the peace and quiet!”

“Aye, blame this one!” Lapis yells back, jabbing her thumb at Jasper.

“Hey,”

Lapis turns back to her, expression weary.

Jasper flashes her a smile, and nods. “It's good to see you again.”

Lapis pauses, blinks, and then she breaks into a smile of her own, and steps up to her. “Come on, you big shit-faced fucker. We need to catch up.”

Jasper picks up the pack and straightens. “Right behind you.”

* * *

 

“And then he flipped me off, so I told him to shove it up his ass,” Amethyst takes a deep sip, and then sighs in relief. “His expression afterwards—easily the _best_ weekend of my life.”

Connie shakes her head, half-disgusted, half-impressed. “Sounds like quite a guy.”

“Oh, he was,” Pearl murmurs. “No other mailman can quite compare.”

“We filed a complaint with the management, so we'll see how that turns out.” Amethyst says.

“Pissing in your lawn though?” Jasper shakes her head. “I'd beat the shit out of him.”

“ _Really_?” Lapis asks in dubiety. “Jasper Sokolov, the _gentle giant_?”

Jasper flashes her a smile. “I'm understanding but only to a certain extent. The asshole deserves it.”

“Violence is not the answer,” Sapphire says to Jasper, before turning to Amethyst and Pearl and saying, “But if you want to bring it to court, public urination can be tagged under public lewdness. A sex offender can be fined from 50 dollars up to 500.”

“Yeah, don't punch him physically, just take all of his money.” Peridot says sarcastically. “It'll hurt _a lot_ less.”

“It'd make his future easier too,” Steven adds.

Pearl chuckles. “It's alright. I think Amethyst's screaming got him thinking twice about doing that kind of thing again.”

“Yeah, it better.” Amethyst scoffs.

“But hey, other than that, how's the new neighborhood?” Ruby asks.

Pearl brightens. “It's pretty great, actually. Really quiet in the right times. It only gets a little busy on weekends, which is fine since we mostly just stay home watching TV anyways.”

“Cali must be nice.” Jasper says, nodding. “Meanwhile NYC is being hectic as usual. Last week this guy nearly drove his car right into my bike. Didn't even apologize. Rolled down the window, glared at me, and raced off.” She laugh-scoffs. “Son of a bitch.”

“Oh I get that like twice a week,” Lapis says, picking on a loose thread on her shorts (she changed after Jasper arrived).

“Which is why we have a new car.” Peridot points out, bumping shoulders with her girlfriend. “Ever since Lapis's _accident_ all those years ago, I've been trying to convince her to get something a little less... prone to fatal accidents.”

Lapis shrugs. “Motorcycles are great, but there is a certain appeal to kissing somebody in the confinements of a car every time you're stopped at a red light.”

“Hopefully that _somebody_ is a single person, with blonde hair and a tendency to smack you every time you look away from the road to stare at her.”

Lapis flashes her a smile. “Nobody else is worth the effort.”

Jasper sticks a finger in her throat. “Gag.” She says.

Steven laughs. “Just get married already, oh my God.”

Peridot glances at Lapis. Lapis avoids her gaze. “So,” The blue-haired bartender says quickly, taking a sip from her beer. “Jasper, how's boxing going?”

Jasper instinctively reaches up to grab her left shoulder. She rolls it awkwardly before saying, “Took a break the past week because I dislocated my shoulder in my last fight. Was supposed to have my recovery match tomorrow but my doctor said it was probably better if I gave it another week to heal.”

“Leave it to Jasper to treat a dislocated shoulder like it's nog big deal,” Ruby muses.

Jasper shoots her a grin. “You would've done the same before you had the twins, Ruby. You were just as hardass as I am right now.”

“Very accurate,” Amethyst adds.

Ruby waves them off. “I have my share of permanent bruising.”

“Like your elbow,” Sapphire says softly, offering a little smile.

Ruby sighs, shaking her head. “Sometimes I wake up to it aching. And it doesn't go away till like noon.”

“Ah, the boxer life,” Lapis says, taking another sip. “Not my scene.”

“But you _almost_ got into it—”

“Yeah, when I was like 14, Jasp.” Lapis laughs. “I wanted to get into fishing and engineering too, didn't mean I was ready to commit!”

“Lapis Lazuli, the fisherman.” Steven leans back, nodding. “Has a nice ring to it.”

“Actually, Mr. Universe,” Lapis says. “It's fisher _woman_.”

Steven rolls his eyes.

“How's Aquamarine doing, guys?” Pearl asks, turning to Lapis and Peridot.

They exchange a glance, before Peridot breaks into a smile. “Single-handedly the best decision I've let Lapis rope me into making.”

Lapis raises her hands and says, “She actually admitted it! This is the first time.”

“Yeah, I heard from a few colleagues that it's doing really well,” Sapphire says with a smile. “A lot of them go every weekend.”

“Gaming with drinks has a nice feel to it,” Peridot explains. “And we try to center it around a certain aesthetic.”

“Toputit _simply—_ you get drunk gamers screaming at each other and laughing until their sides hurt.” Lapis nods. “It's easy money, really.”

“Right, you say that like you don't get dunked in tequila every night by an unassuming gamer with headphones on.” Peridot says.

Lapis stares at her for a moment, her brows furrowed. “I mean,” She mutters. “There's no such thing as a perfect life.”

Ruby snorts and throws an empty can of beer at Lapis's face. “Boo, you whore.”

Lapis dodges right in time before snarling her way. “Did Ruby Davis really just make a Mean Girls reference?”

“She's been watching a lot of that these past few weeks,” Sapphire whispers half-worriedly.

Ruby shoots her a look. “It's _funny_!”

“You know what I just realized?” Steven cuts in unexpectedly. He waits a beat to catch everybody's attention, and then slowly drags his gaze over the group. “We're all paired up except for one.” And his gaze falls on Jasper.

Amethyst raises an eyebrow. “Aye, he's right, chica. Where's your marine girlfriend?”

Jasper flushes a little, her smile crooked and awkward. She takes a sip of her drink before saying, “We broke up.”

Lapis's eyebrows shoot up to her hairline. “What?”

“What happened?!” Ruby exclaims.

As if on cue, everybody instantly dives into a series of questions, throwing witty one-liners, half-assed jokes and somewhat-sincere apologies, until it's all just a mess of laughing and shouting and cursing (a common occurrence when the gang's reunited), before Jasper finally quiets them down with a very loud, “Alright, can you guys just shut up for a second?!”

Immediately, the voices die out.

Jasper sighs, running her fingers through her hair. “It really isn't that big a deal. We dated for like a year, broke up, got back together, broke up again—I don't know. There were so many things that weren't right, even though there were a lot that was. And I guess... in the end, it just didn't fit. Besides, she's been busy starting her new career as an instructor. And I've been so swept up with boxing that... It just—It really isn't that big a deal, y'know?”

Connie reaches out to grab her shoulder before giving it a gentle squeeze. “Well, we're just glad you're alright.”

“I am,” Jasper says, nodding. “I've concluded that boxing is probably my one true love. It's the one commitment that I can stick with.”

“Loser,” Lapis says with a cough, before straightening. “Oh sorry. Itchy throat.”

Jasper flips her off.

“So... Nobody new?” Amethyst asks.

Jasper shakes her head. “Not right now. Not anytime soon, I'm suspecting. Once my shoulder heals, my schedule's gonna be packed. No time for fraternizing.”

“Look at you, all grown up and matured,” Lapis says with a smirk. “Our little Jasper Sokolov is an a-dult.”

“Beautiful transformation,” Steven mutters.

“The world works in mysterious ways,” Peridot says.

Lapis nods. “Cheers to that.” She raises her can to emphasize her point.

Jasper, in turn, belts out a laugh while simultaneously throwing cans of beer at the three of them. “You guys are like 7.”

“There's 3 of us, actually.” Lapis whispers.

“Oh, shut the fuck up, smartass.”

“Thank God the kids are in the water,” Connie whispers cheekily, throwing Steven a knowing glance.

He chuckles. “It does get a little rowdy when all of us are together.”

“A little?” Pearl muses. “Understatement of the year much?”

“But it is great seeing everybody again,” Sapphire says with a smile. “Ruby and I always talk about how much we miss meeting up at Aqua Glass every week, catching up and getting tipsy.”

“Or deadass drunk.” Amethyst murmurs, snorting.

Lapis glances over just in time to catch Pearl throw her girlfriend a withering look. But then their gazes lock, and Pearl awkwardly looks away.

“And hauling all your asses out to the back alleyway so you could puke your guts out.” Jasper says, laughing.

“Um,” Ruby mutters. “Last I checked, _you_ were the one who did a lot of the puking.”

Jasper makes a face and throws her cap at Ruby.

“Aqua Glass. Man, what a throwback,” Steven says, turning to Lapis. “To think that was _three_ years ago.”

“Time flies, huh, old man?”

Steven smiles. “Tell me about it.”

“Excuse me. I think I left my sunscreen in the barn.” Pearl says, standing up and dusting herself off. And to any other ordinary person, this would seem totally natural. But Lapis knows Pearl—more than either of them care to admit—and she noticed the way her voice hitched, the way her jaw clenched, the way her eyes remained trained to the ground. Something's off. “Lapis,” She says, looking up. “Accompany me up?”

Lapis stares at her for a moment, forgetting all manner of speech completely. She blinks, and then awkwardly says, “Oh, yeah, sure.” She stands up. “No worries. We'll be right back.”

Peridot glances at her from the corner of her eye, a question in her gaze. There's something else there too, but Lapis doesn't wanna admit to its existence. She reaches down to squeeze her on the shoulder, a sign of reassurance, before jogging up to Pearl who's already waiting at the bottom of the hill.

The walk up is silent.

Partly because it's a steep slope up.

Mostly because neither of them really know what to say.

Why did Pearl even ask Lapis to follow her up?

She obviously needed her time alone, and that was okay. It would've been less weird if Lapis had found her afterwards to question her about it... But for Pearl to outwardly ask Lapis to accompany her in her moment of escape is—

Alright, is she thinking too much of this?

Is 13 Reasons Why getting to her? Is this the result of her addiction?

She needs an intervention.

“She quit her job.”

Lapis pauses, snapping out of her own thoughts. She looks up at Pearl. “What?”

“Amethyst,” Pearl says without looking at her. “She quit her job. What, like, three months ago? The job I worked so hard to help her get. It wasn't even a legitimate reason. She was doing so well, but she just—she just said she needed a _breath of fresh air_.” Pearl laughs, her tone high and spiteful. “Yet three months later and she's still unemployed. I'm the only one who pays for our bills, who pays for our meals and vacations and trips and transportation and—and _everything_. Do you know how _frustrating_ it is to wake up and go to work and to come home to see your girlfriend doing the _exact_ same thing she was doing when you left the house? Meaning _sleeping_? She just—I don't know what the _fuck_ is going on in her mind anymore, she's just—”

Lapis intended to butt in three sentences ago but Pearl's strides kept widening so every time Lapis attempted to catch up, Pearl would only walk that bit faster. But Lapis finally manages to get a good grip on her elbow and spin her around. She places both hands on her shoulders and squeezes. “Hey—Pearl, just look at me for a second, okay?”

Pearl deflates, her eyes going soft with exhaustion.

“Did you—Have you _talked_ to her about all of this?”

Pearl shoots her a look. “What do _you_ think, Lapis?”

“Woah, okay, salty.”

The peach-haired dancer looks away in guilt. “Sorry,” She mutters, before sighing. “Yes, I have talked to her about all of this. _Multiple_ times. Every time I corner her about a job, she just claims that she's 'working on it'. And then I get all up in her ass about sleeping and eating all day, and she accuses me of being too bossy and uptight.” She makes a face. “I'm not—I'm not _uptight_ , okay?”

Lapis hesitates. “Well—” She clamps her mouth shut when Pearl shoots her a demeaning glare. “Kidding!”

“Lapis, you don't know what it's like to fully support both you and your partner in a relationship. I literally feel like I'm the only one pulling the weight here. It's like she—It's like she's completely given up.”

Lapis furrows her brows. “But she's still affectionate towards you, right? She still cares about you?”

“We cuddle when we watch movies and sleep in the same bed. Sometimes, if I still have the energy after a long day at work, we do _other_ things too. But...” She looks away, uncertain. “When the spark's not there anymore... You can just _feel_ it, y'know?”

Lapis tenses, her expression unreadable. She looks down at her feet and sighs. “Yeah,” She slowly pulls away, before shifting her weight between her feet. “Has anyone else tried talking to her?”

“I've questioned her mom about it. We're pretty close,” Pearl shrugs. “Her mom's out of ideas too. She thinks she's just going through a rough patch right now. But I know Amethyst, and this isn't just a 'rough patch'. She's _always_ like this. Losing motivation, losing sense of everything. She just falls into these lethargic moods and she spends months just... doing _nothing_. It's—It's infuriating.”

Lapis nods her head in understanding. And it's silent for a moment, because she doesn't quite know what to say.

“I'm just—” Pearl sighs, massaging her temples. “I'm just telling you all this because... Even when we were dating, and after we broke up, you were always really understanding.” Lapis shoots her a look, so Pearl quickly corrects herself with, “Okay, _most of the time_ , you're really understanding.”

Lapis snorts. “Yeah, I have my irrational moments.”

“And... I don't know. I felt like you would get it.” Pearl rubs her arms and says, “The last few months got me really thinking about when we dated. Despite everything, y'know, you were always so self-assured and ambitious. You knew what you wanted to do. And you did it. You had a bar, but you knew where you wanted to go after. And you were doing really well for yourself. You didn't _waste_ any time.”

Lapis awkwardly stares down at the ground. Where is this even going?

“Lapis, I don't know what to do anymore.”

“Hey,” Lapis murmurs, reaching out to wrap a comforting arm around Pearl's shoulder as she buries her face in her hands. “I know it's been really tough. To be honest, I didn't even know the two of you were having problems until I heard it from Steven. I wish I could've known about it sooner—”

“Sorry. I would've caught you up but—”

“I'm not calling you out or anything,” Lapis says. “I get that it's been rough. You don't owe me anything. I just wish... I had a simple solution.”

Pearl waits a beat, and then slowly shakes her head. “If things end now, imagine how horrible it's gonna be for the group.”

Lapis hesitates. “I mean... Instead of imagining how it'll affect the _group_ , maybe you should focus more on how it'll affect _you_.” She stares at her long and hard and asks, “Are you even sure you're ready to split up with her?”

Pearl's face contorts in discomfort and pain, and she immediately whispers, “No,” She wrings her fingers together. “Of course not.”

Lapis nods slowly. “Okay... Then maybe you should give Amethyst an ultimatum. Instead of just asking her to find a job, or accusing her of being a lazy motherfucker—”

Pearl snorts.

“—Maybe you should try telling her about how all this is affecting you. And how it's been _giving you thoughts_. She has to know your side of the story, she has to know that you're struggling. And who knows? Maybe she's struggling with something too.”

Pearl glances up at her in suspicion. “When the fuck did you get so good at advice, Lapis Lazuli?”

The blue-haired bartender flashes her a grin. “Months of binge-watching angsty teenage TV shows really gives you perspective on life.”

Pearl laughs and shakes her head, before twisting her body so that she's facing Lapis. She stares at her for a moment, and then says, “You have no idea how much this talk has helped me. I've spent months keeping it to myself, and to finally open up like this is... freeing.”

Lapis smiles. “I'm glad.”

“No, Lapis, _really_ ,” Pearl hesitates, before reaching up to touch her cheek. “Thank you.”

And then there's this moment, right? And neither of them expect it to happen. It's just—It's just _there_. And suddenly they're staring at each other for a second too long, and neither of them look away until the very last moment when everything's become too weird and awkward. So Lapis does the one thing she's excellent at doing—she deflects.

“Well, yeah, I mean,” She pulls away and chuckles. “I ooze charisma and charm, so—”

“ _Right_ ,” Pearl murmurs, her tone a little higher than normal. “That's totally what this is.”

Lapis looks up at her once and then immediately looks away. “Well, um,” She clears her throat. “Update me on—on what's going on with Amethyst.”

Pearl nods quickly. “Yeah, I'll do that.”

“Okay.”

“Awesome.”

A pause.

“You can, um, head back down there. I'm just gonna use the bathroom for a bit and then grab my sunscreen,” Pearl says awkwardly, her smile tight. She shifts her weight and then says, “Let's just forget that last awkward bit happened, yeah?”

Lapis opens her mouth, closes it. “Oh, definitely.” She says, nodding. “Totally forgotten. What awkward last bit? No idea what you're talking about.”

Pearl forces out a laugh and then nods, whirling around on her heels to make her way up the hill. Meanwhile Lapis is just standing there gaping at the ground, wondering what the _fuck_ just happened.

She buries her face in her hands and sighs. “The drama never dies.” And when she pulls away and turns around, the last thing she'd expect to see is Peridot standing a few inches behind her staring at her like she just dropped a bomb on Tokyo but—

The world likes _fucking_ her up.

“Peridot!” Lapis exclaims, jumping back in surprise. She reaches up to clutch her heart, breathing out a quick sigh of exasperation, before saying, “I didn't—I didn't know you were there.”

Peridot raises an eyebrow, her expression unreadable. “Would knowing have changed the outcome of that talk?”

Lapis works her jaw, completely and utterly terrified for her life. “That's, um—We were just—”

“I know what the two of you were doing.” She guiltily looks away. “I heard. I didn't mean to but... I mean, I only heard the ending.”

_Of course_ she only heard the _ending_.

Lapis sighs, shutting her eyes in discomfort. “Yeah,” She whispers. “There was a weird moment.”

Peridot doesn't say anything for a while. Though her expression tells a thousand painful one-liners. “Three years later and you'd think the two of you would stop having those.”

Lapis's gaze softens. “Peridot—”

“You _can't_ call me crazy—”

“I wasn't going to! I would do the same if the roles were reversed.”

“That _isn't_ comforting, Lapis!”

Lapis groans into the air and takes two quick steps forward. “Okay, look, I know that situation was weird. And that one moment was like weird times ten. But those are just _moments_. Pearl's having a rough time and I guess finding comfort in someone she used to... have a _thing_ with... made things a little bit too heated. But it was just that one moment. Pearl is with Amethyst. And I am madly in love with you. And only you,” Lapis shakes her head. “There is nothing to be worried about.”

Peridot crosses her arms, her expression taut. “I'm not sure how comfortable I am letting the two of you hang out alone anymore.”

Lapis bites her lip. “Then we won't.”

“Lapis—”

“Even though I _assure_ you nothing weird is gonna happen again. Trust me, we're platonic. We just have... _history_.” Peridot shoots her a look that could _kill_ and Lapis immediately backtracks with, “History that died out _three_ years ago. We're bound to have our one or two weird-ass fucking moments, yeah, but we also know where to draw the line. And where we stand.” Lapis waits a moment, before saying, “Peridot, if you ever think I'd ever do anything to jeopardize what we have, I want you to take a good long look at the path that we've walked.”

Peridot makes a sour expression. “What does that have to do with—”

“You have made me the happiest I've been in my twenty-nine years on Earth. I'm turning _thirty_ next year, and most people would be bummed about that. But I'm just incredibly grateful that I have the love of my life beside me to help me get through what is possibly the toughest transition of my life. I mean, say goodbye to those tough, healthy livers that get me through even the worst of hangovers—”

“Lapis, you cried once the morning after two vodkas and a shot because you said your hangover was making you feel like you were gonna _die.”_

“Yeah, okay, that transition happened a long time ago, but _you know what I mean_. Thirty. That's a big ass number.” Lapis shakes her head. “And still, it means more to me that I get to reach it with you. Because I wanna spend the rest of my life with you. I wanna wake up to you every morning, and go to sleep with you by my side every night. And I want the world to know you're mine. And I wanna have kids with you, and adopt puppies, and travel the world, and go back to Disneyland so we can kick that jerkass Pluto mascot in the balls cause he was being a dick to us by not letting us take a picture with him that one time, and—”

“Are you saying what I think you're saying?” Peridot's voice cracks, and she quickly bites her lip in fright, her eyes wide and glossy and beautiful.

Lapis takes a breath, and then she takes another. Her hands are shaking. She's starting to sweat. And her heart's beating so crazy in her chest right now—

“ _Lapis_ ,” Steven's voice echoes in her head. “ _Peridot_ loves _you_.”

_Tell her._

_Do it now._

Lapis shuts her eyes and says, “There has not been a moment in the past _year_ that I haven't been thinking about it. There hasn't been a moment that I haven't wanted it with all my being. _Fear_ kept me from doing it. Fear and—and uncertainty. What if our circumstance isn't right? What if we're not ready? What if—There are _a lot_ of what if's. But every time I look at you, I know, deep in my heart, in my gut, in my fucking _groin—_ ” Peridot chuckles in exasperation. “—that you are the person I want to spend my entire life with, so fuck what if's, fuck fear, fuck everything else in the world—”

She gets down on one knee and pulls out a tiny black box from out her back pocket. Peridot covers her mouth with her hands, her breath shaky, practically on the verge of crying.

“Peridot Guntherson,” Lapis says, snapping the box open to reveal a beautiful diamond ring. “Will you marry me?”

And there's this whamming feeling. Like a sledgehammer across your chest. Like the sky has fallen over your head. Like the world around you is twisting. And yet everything makes sense. This one moment when reality is distorted and chaotic—everything aligns and _makes sense_.

Peridot wipes her tears with the back of her hands and bends down and says, “Yes,” before hugging Lapis as if her life depends on it.

Lapis buries her face in Peridot's hair, her heart hammering in her chest, her face red with nervousness, her entire body _shaking_. “Fuck,” She whispers, laughing. “That was the single most terrifying thing I have ever had to do.”

Peridot shakes her head. “I hate you. I hate you so much.”

Lapis kisses her on the neck and laughs. “Oh, thank God you said yes.”

“Did you expect a different answer?!”

Lapis swallows, and though she says nothing, her grip on Peridot's little body tightens just that bit more.

After a moment, they pull apart, and then with quivering hands, Lapis reaches up to slip the ring down Peridot's left ring finger. The short blonde bites her lip. “It's—It's literally the perfect size.”

Lapis chuckles breathlessly. “Yeah, why do you think I kept sliding Cheeto rings down your finger that one time?”

“I don't know, because you're fucking _weird_ like that?”

Lapis laughs and kisses her. Peridot kisses her back, and then she pulls away and starts tearing up again.

“Oh my God, I can't believe this actually happened.”

“You doubted me, stranger?”

Peridot shoots her a weary smile. “After the four hundredth time of you evading it? _Yeah_ , a _little_ bit.”

Lapis shrugs. “I wanted to surprise you.” She pauses, and then cheekily adds, “I guess it kinda worked?”

Peridot shoves her in the shoulder. “Asshole.”

Lapis stares at her—she stares at the crinkles beside her eyes, at the way her lips curl upwards in that awkward, adorable way that it does, at the little brown specks adorning her green contacts, at the tears sliding down her cheek, at her skin, flawless and rosy red, at every inch of her face, perfect in its simplicity. She's been waiting to watch that face stand at the altar for months now. She's been waiting to officially get to call her _Mrs. Lebedev,_ her _wife_.

Her fear is gone, and only one truth remains—

This is the woman she's spending the rest of her life with.

She reaches up to wipe a few stray tears with her right thumb, and then she cups her hand over her cheek and smiles. “It's moments like these that make life worthwhile.”

Peridot glances up at her in curiosity.

“My dad used to say that,” She whispers. “Back when I was younger. My parents and I would go on our annual family trips to ice-skate and visit exotic places, and sometimes we'd literally just drive off into the Russian wilderness. We'd get lost. But we were together, and we had fun.” She pauses, then says, “He used to tell me that the day he proposed was one of the greatest days of his life. I didn't get it... till now.”

Peridot's eyes soften. She reaches out to run her thumb down Lapis's neck. “I wish I could've met him.”

Lapis laughs. “Oh, with your wit and sarcasm? He would've loved you.”

“You think so?”

Lapis nods slowly, then says, “I know so.”

_If we take care of the moments, the years will take care of themselves._

Lapis sees a lot of her dad in Peridot. Not in a weird way. Just... in a way. She sees his wisdom and intellect, his logicality and reasoning, his courage, his straight-forwardness, his strength—his love. He was busy a lot of the time. And he was distant. But he was her _dad_. And she loved him more than she would ever be able to admit.

“I love you, Peridot.”

The blonde smiles, a wholesome one, the kind that makes Lapis feel safe and warm. “And I love you, my fiancée.”

Lapis gasps, covering her mouth with her hands. “ _Fiancée._ ”

Peridot giggles. “Isn't it _weird_?”

“ _So_ weird.” Lapis shakes her head. “Steven didn't think I'd be able to do it. I love proving that bastard wrong.”

Peridot smirks. “You been planning this for a while?”

“Eh, only like _forever_.”

“Well,” Peridot stands up, offering Lapis her left hand, with the ring sitting there on her finger all beautiful and shiny. “Let's head back down there and tell them the good news, yeah?”

Lapis blushes, and she's smiling so wide she can't contain it. She accepts the outstretched hand and pulls herself up, lacing their fingers together as they walk down. “Peridot Guntherson, out of all the things running through your mind right now, what is the one thing that you wanna say to me the most?”

Peridot raises an eyebrow. “You tryna' kiss ass or something, Lazuli?”

Lapis winks at her. “It's not everyday my beautiful girlfriend shoots a compliment my way.”

“Oh, you make me sound so _bad_.”

“But the best kind of bad,” Lapis murmurs, biting on her ear. “The _sexy_ kind of bad.”

Peridot giggles, before playfully shoving her away. “You're so annoying.”

“ _That's_ what you wanna say to me most?!” Lapis sighs, feigning hurt. “I see how it is.”

Peridot rolls her eyes. “How do I stand you?”

“Good question. It's a surprise you haven't gone for half the girls who've thrown themselves at you the past three years since Aquamarine's been running.” Lapis makes a face and says, “Fucking slut-ass bitches. I swear to God, if someone else tries to get your number, they're getting a broken bottle in their neck.”

Peridot laughs and squeezes their intertwined hands. “That's violent, Lapis. And you know, better than anyone, that you don't ever have to worry about shit like that,” She stops to stare right at her fiancée, before leaning up to kiss her softly on the lips. “I'm all yours, my hot, young bartender. Now, and forever.”

Lapis stares at her for what must be like five minutes, but every second isn't enough. She leans down to kiss her, and there isn't a doubt in her mind—

This has been the greatest moment of her life.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I posted this along with the epilogue, but please do leave your thoughts on this chapter below! I'd love to hear what you guys thought of it. I'm sorry it took like... a thousand years to get this updated, but I'm thankful to whoever's still interested and down for the ride.
> 
> Also just wanna add, everything from the title to the pairings to this chapter and to the epilogue was thought through since the beginning of the fic. So everything was kinda leading to these moments, it's not just a spur of the moment decision. Kudos!


	23. Epilogue

It smells like citrus today, which isn't unusual. The path up is chilly in October, and though birds roam about chirping greedily and scavenging for leftover bread, this place has always seemed so quiet in its own serene way. Lapis stares up at the sky, bright blue—not a cloud in sight. She pauses halfway through to take a deep breath, before continuing on.

It's always a tranquil walk, always somewhat calming, soothing. On the way, she passes a couple of people she recognizes. Regular folk who do the same thing she does every other weekend. Visit someone they've lost. She picks up a hand to wave, and they wave back. They don't exchange their greetings, because this is the hardly the place to make awkward small-talk. But the gesture of acknowledgement is enough. Lapis continues on down the path until she reaches a particular spot underneath an oak tree, shaded, but not entirely covered.

She approaches the stout stone carving, engraved with words she'd memorized months before, and with a slow breath, she bends down to place a bouquet of flowers over the patch of empty ground. Somebody was here not long before her, judging from the basket of fruits they left behind.

She stares at the tombstone for a few seconds, listening to the birds, waiting for the breeze to pick up. And then she reaches out to touch it.

“Hey,” She whispers, smiling. “Been a while.”

She traces a finger over the stone, feeling all its little indentations and scars. When they first built it, it was so flawless. Immaculate. Then it withered away over the months. That happens in life. Things are built, created, and then they wither. Just like people.

“So to start off,” Lapis says. “Garnet and Grant start their first day of high school today. Weird, huh? I know it's a little late but the Forest Lake School for the Gifted doesn't exactly have a _normal_ curriculum. And yeah, I know what you're thinking—what the hell are they doing in a school for the _gifted_? It's not what you're thinking. It's just some specialized school Ruby found online, and you know how she can get,” Lapis chuckles, readjusting herself so that she's seated cross-legged over the tombstone. “They decided to test it out. Grant's there for the arts and craft program, and Garnet's there for martial arts. Which isn't a surprise considering, _hey_ , the two of them have been dead-set on what they've wanted to do since _kindergarten_. If only I were that lucky.

“Sapphire's been doing some really hard cases lately, but she's like, one of the top attorneys in New York. She can handle it. Besides, the extra pay really helps with Ruby's whole elbow situation. She's got a surgery prepped next month. It's a little scary but the thing's been giving her trouble for _years_ now. It's about time she got a permanent fix instead of just going to a massage therapist every other week.”

A bird flies over the tombstone before cheekily perching on the edge of it, tweeting loudly and twisting its head in search of food. Lapis eyeballs it for a moment, before glancing at the stone carving. “Looks like we got ourselves a guest. Think he's hungry. Mind if I feed him a little of your leftover fruit?”

Empty silence is what greets her.

Lapis bites her lip, looks away—

You'd think it gets easier. But it never really does.

“I know you're not the stingy kind, so I'm just gonna go ahead and do it, alright?” She reaches out to grab one of the bananas from the fruit basket before peeling it down and grabbing a tiny chunk. “If you're mad that I stole your banana, you can always kick my ass later on.” She feeds it to the bird, who eats it up happily.

“Speaking of fruit, Ruby started some side-job gardening for people around her neighborhood. It's the _funniest_ thing but holy shit, it's so cute. I mean, Ruby Davis, gardening?” She laughs. “What a sight. Wish you could see it.”

The bird flies off after it's done eating. Lapis watches it go.

“Pearl's doing really well for herself too. Big-shot dancer in LA, doing back-up for like, Pink and Khalid. And Amethyst—Well, what the hell is Amethyst even up to nowadays? After her seventh job change, no one really knows anymore. But it's fine, because she's doing well for herself. All those years ago when Pearl and Amethyst were fighting over Ame's incessant need to always skip out on good jobs... Pearl still gets on her ass about it, but Amethyst is actually _listening_ this time. She squared up. Every time she quits a job, she goes straight to work on the next one. And she's also decided to take up boxing with Jasper. Yeah. The two of them tag-teaming? Shit, it'd be a massacre.

“Oh, Jasper's doing fine, by the way. But who ever had a doubt? Still boxing, but not as frequently. She's starting to slow down, so she usually just takes local matches. It's good because that gives her more time to spend with her new _girlfriend_ ,” Lapis snorts and shakes her head. “She finally found someone patient enough to put up with her bullshit. But... I'm happy for them. Her new girl's really nice, and I'm like totally 100% onboard with the relationship.” She pauses, then adds, “Well, okay, her new girl could ease up on trying to force fitness regimes down everyone's throats but aye, that's just the way she is. Besides, it really suits Jasper's character. The two of them, fitness junkies. Yeah, I can see how that shit works.”

Lapis bites down on her thumb, before saying, “Turq's started his first year in elementary school, and Aqua just turned 9,” She stares at her hand, clenched tight by her side. It's always clenched so tightly whenever she's here. She swallows down. Hard. “They really miss you. Well, Aqua does. Turq's too young to really remember, but he knows. Of course he'd know. And uh, well,” She laughs. “Aquamarine's been closed for seven months now but every time I pass that empty building lot, I still—I still think about it. It's not... It's _never_ easy to let go of something that meant so much to you at one point. I guess I don't have to tell you that, huh? But hey, it's fine. Family's doing fine. I've got an easy job lifeguarding at the beach, money's good too, and uh,” She laughs, pauses, then says, “Peridot's working as a fucking technician now. The little shit's seriously up there in life. Jesus _Christ_ , to think she used to just own a Cyber Cafe and now she's like, this sexy fucking nerd bringing in the big bucks to the household. The kids love her, oh my God, and I don't blame them because I love her too.” She laughs into her hand.

A breeze whips by, causing Lapis to shrug her jacket a little closer around her body.

“Your wife misses you,” She whispers after a moment. “And your daughter too. I know they come by all the time so you don't need me reminding you but,” She shrugs. “Every time I see them... We can't just _not_ talk about you, y'know? Nora's in middle school now, which is bizarre, but she still clings onto me every time we meet like she's one all over again. But damn, buddy, she's growing up to be such a beautiful and bright girl. She's got Connie's smarts and your... semi-charm,” Her smile widens. “You should hear her new jokes too. _Very_ original. And of course, very funny.”

A pause.

“I miss you too,” She whispers. “Like, a lot.”

She takes a deep breath, and stares at the tombstone in front of her. “Sometimes I wonder what would've happened if you hadn't rushed into that burning building on Seventh Street in Record Parks Avenue. Sometimes I wonder if... if there was anything I could've done. If there was anything anyone could've done.”

Another pause.

“I just... want you to know... Without you, I wouldn't—I wouldn't _be_ here. Without you, my life wouldn't be as completed and as... as _perfect_ as it is right now. There will always be a part of me missing, a part of me gone—empty—because you're not around. There's always be this... gap. And I'll never be able to close that gap. To fill the hole you've left behind. But right now, with all that you've given me, all that you've managed to do—”

She shuts her eyes and takes a deep breath.

“Thank you. For always being there for me. For getting rid of my ghosts. For—For helping me out of my _tomb,”_ She clenches her jaw. “I'm sorry I can't help you out of yours,” Her voice cracks at this, but she quickly clears her throat and continues on. “You don't know how many nights I've stayed up wondering what I could've done. But what's—what's done is done. I know you wouldn't want me moping around thinking about all the what if's. You were the one who got me to propose to Peridot, which is still, by the way, the best decision of my life. So, um, so I'm just... I'm just here every other week to remind you that—”

She reaches out to touch the tombstone, cold on her skin. But just as she does, a breeze whips by, ruffling her hair.

“—I love your dumb fucking ass. You saved my life. And I can never repay you for that. I'll always miss you. No matter what happens, I'll always—always wish you were right here beside me,” She reaches up to wipe the tears from her eyes. “Just have the time of your life where ever you are, okay? Raise up a storm for me.”

She presses her palms against her face, wiping her tears with the back of her hand with a quick swish, and then with a breath, she forces herself up on shaky legs and stares down at the tombstone before her.

“Goodbye, Steven,” She says, her voice small and wistful. “I'll see you again someday. I have no doubt.”

With a final glance, and a little smile, she turns on her heels and walks down the path she ascended upon. Every step is like weight of her shoulders. A little lighter. A little freer.

The tombstone watches her go, its etchings stoic and resolute, and atop the surface, embroidered in glossy marble are the wordings that Lapis had memorized all those months ago.

 

_Steven Universe._

_1984 – 2020_

_Beloved husband, loving father, caring friend._

 

And on the bottom, etched messily with a pen-knife and decorated with flower petals, Lapis added her own title, her own little reminder of who this man meant to her—

 

_Real-life superhero._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow. What a fucking ride, huh?
> 
> Okay, I can’t say this enough, but really, thank you to everyone who put their support in this fic. Just a kudos, a review, means so much to me. Some of you even reached out to my other social media accounts and told me, privately, about your thoughts on this story and I just can’t tell you how happy that makes me.
> 
> This fic started out as just a story to me, and after my break-up, it became therapeutic. It was like a reflection thing I did every week, typing down my feelings and thoughts in the form of these characters… I got so attached, and I got attached to my readers who reminded me every day that I was better than I thought myself to be. Now, it’s like- I don’t even have words to describe this. I know it’s just a story. But it marks a momentous phase of my life. And I’m so glad I got to share it with all of you. 
> 
> Shoutout to my girlfriend too, who read this entire fic even though she doesn’t like reading things on electronic devices, and who sticks by me and reminds me so much of Peridot Guntherson that it’s honestly a little scary. 
> 
> Follow me on Twitter @KyeWorks for updates on… whatever the hell I decide to do next. Because I’m definitely still writing. It makes me happy.
> 
> I have so much to say, but I feel like I might just be redundant. 
> 
> Okay, okay! I’ll let you guys go. Thank you so much. For everything. UGH. What a great fucking ride. I love you guys. Thank you.

**Author's Note:**

> I made a little drawing for this on my tumblr KyeTamm (http://kyetamm.tumblr.com/post/146941496708/lineart-for-ma-lapidot-fanfic-cover-woo) check it ooouuuutssssss 
> 
> HOPE Y'ALL STICK AROUND  
> Second chapter shall be out relatively soon!


End file.
